Jennifer Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I can't remember where I read this (but I'll try to find it and give due credit!) but the thought was about introverts and all the mental/emotional/physical energy expended when going out, socializing, etc. etc. Energy is expended three times for each event-before the event while mentally preparing for it, during the event itself, and then after the event while processing all that happened. What do you think? I've finally realized what an introvert I truly am and I agree with the thoughts above but wanted to see what others had to say about it. Thanks! Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 For me that doesn't apply. I really prefer quiet time at home, but when it is time to go out, the mental preparation, etc., doesn't faze me. I have realized that while I'm an introvert, a good party, shopping expedition or other event with the masses, periodically is fun too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Tara~ Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 uh huh, yep, applies to me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in Toronto Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Totally agree....and when DH springs a last minute outing on me, I get totally stressed because I haven't had time to "think" about it. This was a bone of contention for a long time...I'd shoot down things that he'd suggest to do. I've learned to just keep quiet and let myself have time to mull it all over before responding. Truth be told, I don't spend all that much time after the fact mulling things over, but the mental prep and the event itself can be truly energy-draining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tami Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Yes, it applies if I will be around a large group of people I don't know very well. I am so not a party person.;) Hanging out with small groups of friends doesn't stress me at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 This is definitely true for me, though I have found that it varies. Time with certain people is a big stressor before during and after--with others, whom I cherish, I am hardly stressed at all beforehand, not at all during our time together, though I will find myself tired afterward and wanting to be alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Sometimes this is true of me. On other occasions, I enjoy the mental pre-planning, especially if I have adequate time. Other factors that affect how much an event drains me is how loud and chaotic it is, especially if that loudness and chaos is unexpected. And I'm sure that it goes without saying that if there are toxic people there, I will be drained. I try to schedule in "margin" before and after something stressful and give myself permission to recover. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 It sure does apply to me. I sometimes get exhausted just preparing for friends coming over. It isn't like I run around, trying to make it Better Homes and Gardens cover shot material, but just the thinking about them coming over, etc... It about does me in! Same thing with going out, say, to the mall. A trip there can almost knock me out for the rest of the day. It is emotionally exhausting to me. The physical act of walking about is not hard, but all the people-GAH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommamia Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 :iagree: I never looked at it like that before! Last night I went to a homeschool group moms support night. I was stressed before, during and after! Mentally exhausted and feeling like a square peg in a round hole. Oh how I wished they served wine at those things:tongue_smilie:. Getting together with a group of close friends is completely different. I get excited to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LBC Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I agree. I was actually quite surprised when I first discovered that I'm an introvert, because I'm quite outgoing and talkative. That said, I'm only good for about two hours of intense social interaction, and then I'm exhausted, and need to be alone to refuel. This has become more the case as I've aged, and also since becoming a parent. After a day with the kids, I really don't have much left to give to a social event. I find the anticipation of certain social situations far more stressful than others. Times when I need to go out and interact with strangers really stress me out, and then I have the horrible, unproductive habit of re-thinking most of what I said, and wondering how others responded to it. On the other hand, going to a homeschool meeting where I know the people, and they know me, is much more relaxing. Even better yet is socializing on a message board. I can think through what I say. I can reread it before I post it. I can think about how to respond when I feel misunderstood. I can walk away when I'm feeling like I've had "enough". It's an introvert's dream. :) Lori Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Even better yet is socializing on a message board. I can think through what I say. I can reread it before I post it. I can think about how to respond when I feel misunderstood. I can walk away when I'm feeling like I've had "enough". It's an introvert's dream. :) :iagree: Mmm hmmm. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Me to a tee. The amount of mental prep for me is exhausting. My 100% extrovert husband does not get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Totally agree....and when DH springs a last minute outing on me, I get totally stressed because I haven't had time to "think" about it. This was a bone of contention for a long time...I'd shoot down things that he'd suggest to do. I've learned to just keep quiet and let myself have time to mull it all over before responding. Truth be told, I don't spend all that much time after the fact mulling things over, but the mental prep and the event itself can be truly energy-draining. :iagree: totally me. My dh gets mad because I love spontaneous, but perhaps I'm not as spontaneous as I thought. I don't like it when he springs last minute things on me. You may have hit on exactly why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn in Mo Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I somewhat agree. Though not nearly the introvert I used to be, I'd say mine ran more toward the social anxiety direction. My energy would be expended before, but not nearly so much during. Most energy would be expended after the fact as I replayed it over and over and over again in my head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I would say to some extent. I think the big key is that energy is expended at all without being replaced. That is not true for an extravert. I am going to a homeschool parents' holiday party tonight. I have had to mull it over for several days on whether I even want to go or not, how I will deal with Baby while there, if I need to bring food and if so what, what I am going to wear (thought I was set on that but Baby just spit up all over me), what Baby will wear, etc. Then there will be the actual half hour drive each way, the energy expended at the party and in taking care of Baby, the drive home, and the time required to recover. Hmm, I am rethinking if I really want to go or not now!!!! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 For me, the prep doesn't take a ton of energy. Being around a ton of people or noise, while very enjoyable, depending on the company, saps my energy. I need lots of alone time when I've been around lots of people. Shopping takes tons of energy out of me. Holding back the "fist of death" when dealing with rude people is very mentally and emotionally taxing:). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I would say to some extent. I think the big key is that energy is expended at all without being replaced. That is not true for an extravert. Yes, this is so true for me. I'm an introvert, but I also tend a bit toward the social anxiety side. The required emotional resource expenditure before an event makes me mean and snappy. I can usually rise to the occasion while I'm out, but then I do spend a lot of time afterward rehashing it and stressing over stupid things I feel I said and did. I carry those things around with me for a long time too. It's very hard to be married to a total extrovert. We were invited to a casual holiday party by one of his work colleagues next week, and just thinking about going is making me nauseous and resentful. I have nothing to wear, not happy with the way I look these days, am already dealing with stuff with my mom, so to ask her to babysit will be more baggage or will mean cutting back on the coverage I get from her during my work time, etc. Ugh. Fellow introverts, unite! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 It sounds right to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Holding back the "fist of death" when dealing with rude people is very mentally and emotionally taxing:). :lol: Funny, that doesn't bother me much. Being socially "on" at a party or gathering with people I'm not totally comfortable with is what kills me. I turn into a blithering idiot when small talk is required :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Totally sound like me, it takes so much pre energy that most times I will cancel, because its just too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhM Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Definitely true for me. I was surprised to learn (through this board) that not everyone has steps 1 and 3. These are the most exhausting for me (especially the preparation - mental preparation.) The "thinking things through" is the hardest part. I still find it hard to believe that this is how some people recharge!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I still find it hard to believe that this is how some people recharge!!!! My DH is like this. If he was single, he'd only ever go home to sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 (edited) It depends whether I want to go or not. I'm far more likely to be like this when heading out to a family event, than if I'm heading out with friends. Hmm. Could that be why I wag most family events? :rolleyes: Rosie P.S: Wendy, you find introverts where geeky people hang out, I've found. I will be forever happy I discovered the SCA. I tend to hang out there with a fibre geek and a very strange, but lovable person who spends her spare cash on importing books from Estonia. A person who studied Old Norse. I mean, who studies Old Norse? Who on earth teaches it? By geeks, for geeks, I guess! Edited December 10, 2008 by Rosie_0801 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 The mental preparation and actual event are the worst for me. Afterwards, I usually have a great sense of relief. It does depend on the situation. There are groups, like my book club, that I get together with that I don't find stressful or exhausting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 My DH is like this. If he was single, he'd only ever go home to sleep. My oldest son is 100% extraverted. This first semester at college I don't think he really slept at all!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Energy is expended three times for each event-before the event while mentally preparing for it, during the event itself, and then after the event while processing all that happened. Yes, yes, and yes. Before: I worry about all the IFs. I try to find ways to procrastinate or even avoid going out altogether. During: I can enjoy myself when I'm out somewhere, but I'm constantly thinking of being able to get back home. After: I am usually happy I did something or went somewhere, but I spend lots of time replaying conversations and interactions in my mind. I don't feel I'm a very social person and I usually kick myself alot for saying dumb things, which makes me not want to go out -- see "Before". :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 After: I am usually happy I did something or went somewhere, but I spend lots of time replaying conversations and interactions in my mind. I don't feel I'm a very social person and I usually kick myself alot for saying dumb things, which makes me not want to go out -- see "Before". :tongue_smilie: :grouphug: This is the worst for me. I'm still nailing myself to the wall for things I said and did at a stupid kids' birthday party this summer :( How does one learn to let this stuff go??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 My oldest son is 100% extraverted. This first semester at college I don't think he really slept at all!! :lol: College can be so fun. I bet he's having a blast. Think he's studying at all? :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Yes - to all of it. I have two boys and one is my clone and the other is my dh's clone. I'm a total introvert and when we walk up to the park, if there are not any people there my ds8 that is like me and I both let out of sigh of relief, "Whew, we've got the park to ourselves." My little ds4 says, "oh, man, my boys aren't here". Every boy is "his boy". It's very cute. It's just exhausting to me to put myself out there socially and although I have fun once I get going, I'm drained and I need a two day recovery period. To me, it feels like being handicapped. I go through complete anxiety if anyone is coming over - it's awful. My family suffers. I don't know, maybe it's a mix of insecurity stirred in there, too. I just know that as much as I want people in our lives, I feel totally drained with the entire thought of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Anyone vote for starting a social group? It might be helpful through holidays. Just thinking out loud.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangearrow Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I can't remember where I read this (but I'll try to find it and give due credit!) but the thought was about introverts and all the mental/emotional/physical energy expended when going out, socializing, etc. etc. Energy is expended three times for each event-before the event while mentally preparing for it, during the event itself, and then after the event while processing all that happened. Fits me to a "t"! DH is actually energized by going out socializing with friends/family/anyone. lol It has the direct opposite effect on me - leaves me 100% drained of any energy and sometimes takes days for me to be back to normal. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 "The Introvert Advantage". I am reading it right now.... I tend to over-think gatherings and have this NEED to have everything planned out mentally. Otherwise I am not happy. However, I have had surprise dinner-parties at my place where I survived albeit I felt like barely floating!!! LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 The best description of introvert/extrovert that I ever heard is that extroverts get their energy from being around other people and introverts get their energy by being alone. So yeah, we feel drained after a party. Lots of the posts here echo this. And introverts often enjoy one-on-one or very small group situations but have trouble in larger "holiday party" type gatherings. So a gathering where you know some of the individuals and look forward to catching up with them is a lot better than a spouse's holiday party for work where you don't know anyone well. I do like to get out once in awhile. I find it very difficult to invite people to my home. And hosting a party? Don't think that will ever happen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurel Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 That's generally only true for me if it's a new situation or people I don't know well. And then it's very true. Complete freaking out beforehand, think it will be easier if I don't go, etc. A few months ago I was going to a meeting by myself for the first time, and I had to call my sister and dp to give me a pep talk. And then afterwards, every word I said is analyzed, and I feel like the biggest dork! With friends and family, I'm usually okay. I'm a lot more comfortable. My family is used to me excusing myself when the socialness gets overwhelming, and most of my friends are introverts as well, and so our social gatherings tend to be short and occasional. Dp is even more of an introvert. He's learned to say no to social gatherings if they are too close together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamato3 all-boy boys Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I can't remember where I read this (but I'll try to find it and give due credit!) but the thought was about introverts and all the mental/emotional/physical energy expended when going out, socializing, etc. etc. Energy is expended three times for each event-before the event while mentally preparing for it, during the event itself, and then after the event while processing all that happened. What do you think? I've finally realized what an introvert I truly am and I agree with the thoughts above but wanted to see what others had to say about it. Thanks! Jennifer I would agree somewhat. Depending on the situation, sometimes it is not draining to prepare for the event. But I definitely need time to decompress and recharge after social events no matter if it is with friends or strangers or acquaintances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Yes, definitely for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 the thought was about introverts and all the mental/emotional/physical energy expended when going out, socializing, etc. etc. Energy is expended three times for each event-before the event while mentally preparing for it, during the event itself, and then after the event while processing all that happened. Mmm, no, that's not my reality. I thrive on time alone, but most of the time when I'm out and about I'm energized. I'm an introvert masquerading as an extrovert. Whereas my husband is an extrovert masquerading as an introvert. People always assume I'm the extrovert and he's the introvert, but it's really the other way around.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Fits me to a "t". Like others, I hate for things to be sprung on me. I'm getting better, because I've grown to trust my dh more and also I now know my small town by heart. It's even worse when I'm in a new place, and worst of all when I'm visiting people and everything is out of my hands. I can get so anxious that I make myself physically ill beforehand. And if I go on a visit and can't schedule enough alone/down time for myself my anxiety/exhaustion can manifest in physical symptoms as well. My brain just overloads. It's kind of nice to hear I'm not alone. This ties into that book thread we were having the other day - reading soothes the part of my brain that gets agitated when I'm out among people. Now on the other hand, even though I experience this, I truly LOVE being social. I just need time to prepare and time to recover. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 P.S: Wendy, you find introverts where geeky people hang out, I've found. I will be forever happy I discovered the SCA. I tend to hang out there with a fibre geek and a very strange, but lovable person who spends her spare cash on importing books from Estonia. A person who studied Old Norse. I mean, who studies Old Norse? Who on earth teaches it? By geeks, for geeks, I guess! LOL! I studied Old Norse in college! And Old English. And Latin. And Ancient Greek..... I'm such an introvert/geek. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer Posted December 11, 2008 Author Share Posted December 11, 2008 "The Introvert Advantage". I am reading it right now.... I tend to over-think gatherings and have this NEED to have everything planned out mentally. Otherwise I am not happy. However, I have had surprise dinner-parties at my place where I survived albeit I felt like barely floating!!! LOL! Thank you, Nadia! I don't have that book (but I'm off to look for it), so I must have seen it quoted somewhere. Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I'd love it. An introverted social group almost sounds like an oxymoron, but I think I would enjoy hanging out with a group of people who might understand me. LOL. What would be our name? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I like it, now all we need is someone to start it, I looked over there but couldnt find start group. Curse my un techno saviness.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Oh my, absolutely. Socializing kills me to no end. Even talking, talking, talking w/my kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Chiming in late, but totally agreeing with you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 the thought was about introverts and all the mental/emotional/physical energy expended when going out, socializing, etc. etc. Energy is expended three times for each event-before the event while mentally preparing for it, during the event itself, and then after the event while processing all that happened. What do you think? I would agree. Other factors that affect how much an event drains me is how loud and chaotic it is, especially if that loudness and chaos is unexpected. And I'm sure that it goes without saying that if there are toxic people there, I will be drained. This is very true for me. . .worse, I have to deal with all the noise in my own home, and at the end of the day (or 4 pm) I'm done in. DH does not get it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 P.S: Wendy, you find introverts where geeky people hang out, I've found. I will be forever happy I discovered the SCA. I tend to hang out there with a fibre geek and a very strange, but lovable person who spends her spare cash on importing books from Estonia. A person who studied Old Norse. I mean, who studies Old Norse? Who on earth teaches it? By geeks, for geeks, I guess! I was going to take Old Norse in grad school!!!!!!! I was so thrilled about it and looking forward to it and then the annoying professor decided to have the class at the only time I couldn't go (and yes, he knew that) and THEN he refused to let me take Old English instead because I'd already taken a course outside the German dept!!!! Old English is still a Germanic language, but I really wanted Old Norse! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Oh my, absolutely. Socializing kills me to no end. Even talking, talking, talking w/my kid. I made my 100% extravert oldest child take a nap until he was 5, just so I could have a break from his talking to me. I was so happy when he learned to read for the same reason!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 hmmmm probably not the "wild and crazy introverts" LMAO hmmm could make a sort of interesting acronym with that.... WACI (think wacky) *snort* I like that! It is really catchy. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 The mental preparation and actual event are the worst for me. Afterwards, I usually have a great sense of relief. It does depend on the situation. There are groups, like my book club, that I get together with that I don't find stressful or exhausting. :iagree: I enjoy spending time with people I know really well, but still, after 3-4 hours, I am done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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