Menu
Jump to content

What's with the ads?

MistyMountain

Sleep deprivation from snoring spouse

Recommended Posts

2 hours ago, caedmyn said:

This is not the question you asked, but maybe it will be helpful anyway.  My DH has a CPAP machine and it is loud.  So I've come up with several ways to block the noise.  1. Earplugs (Hereos extreme are the best I've found) 2. A fat and squishy pillow over my head (side sleeper here so only one ear needs blocked)  3. I sleep with my head at the foot of the ned to get further away from the machine 4. And he sleeps with a blanket over his CPAP (should muffle snoring too if you can convince your DH to do it).


I'd love to ask a follow-on question to this.  My dh has snored our whole marriage, and he used stay asleep and but roll over if I poked him, but more recently he's been harder to move and if he actually wakes up he gets ornery.  He also sounded more and more apnea-y, so he finally agreed to get a sleep study and they gave him a CPAP.

That thing was loud.  And sounded like it was trying to drown him with air all night.  I think we both got less sleep, rather than more.  I would also have had to get earplugs or something, but since he wasn't sleeping well with it either, he gave it back.

So then he tried one of those tennis ball shirts - tennis balls didn't work well, but some floral foam blocks have done the trick fairly well.  He doesn't snore much at all if he's properly on his side.  But might he still be getting apnea if he's not snoring?  Now I'm a bit worried.  If he's not snoring much on his side, should I still worry?

My SIL has what she says is  BiPAP, I think?  She said that worked better for her than the CPAP.  Do all of your dhs really have CPAPs, or one of those?  She called it a CPAP until we asked her about his experience and she clarified.  Was his broken?  Why was it so loud and why did it seem like it was drowning him with air?  Changing the pressure did nothing - it would ramp right back up.  After his experience, I can't imagine anyone actually sleeping better with one of those...

ETA: not sure if it makes any difference,  but thought I should add that dh's snoring has nothing to do with weight. .. he's gone up one inch in waist size since we got married,  to a 33...

Edited by Matryoshka
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Matryoshka said:


I'd love to ask a follow-on question to this.  My dh has snored our whole marriage, and he used stay asleep and but roll over if I poked him, but more recently he's been harder to move and if he actually wakes up he gets ornery.  He also sounded more and more apnea-y, so he finally agreed to get a sleep study and they gave him a CPAP.

That thing was loud.  And sounded like it was trying to drown him with air all night.  I think we both got less sleep, rather than more.  I would also have had to get earplugs or something, but since he wasn't sleeping well with it either, he gave it back.

So then he tried one of those tennis ball shirts - tennis balls didn't work well, but some floral foam blocks have done the trick fairly well.  He doesn't snore much at all if he's properly on his side.  But might he still be getting apnea if he's not snoring?  Now I'm a bit worried.  If he's not snoring much on his side, should I still worry?

My SIL has what she says is  BiPAP, I think?  She said that worked better for her than the CPAP.  Do all of your dhs really have CPAPs, or one of those?  She called it a CPAP until we asked her about his experience and she clarified.  Was his broken?  Why was it so loud and why did it seem like it was drowning him with air?  Changing the pressure did nothing - it would ramp right back up.  After his experience, I can't imagine anyone actually sleeping better with one of those...

ETA: not sure if it makes any difference,  but thought I should add that dh's snoring has nothing to do with weight. .. he's gone up one inch in waist size since we got married,  to a 33...

I don't have an answer for you, but had the same experience.  Dh had a CPAP and there was no way he was getting any sleep with that thing.  He tried quite a while and then gave it back.  I can't imagine how anyone could sleep with that on; it looked so uncomfortable.  And yet people do. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

DH has a CPAP that is silent, but I can hear it anyway.  Kind of like how you can walk into a building and know there’s a TV on somewhere, on mute.  He did a research study for a new machine and that thing was awesome!  I couldn’t even hear it existing, but sadly, he had to return it when the study was over.  I think both machines have been Fischer and Paykel’s.

DH is usually on the low end of normal weight and has had sleep apnea diagnosed since his 20’s.  It got worse after his back injury and attempts at chiropractic care, so I suspect that’s actually the driving force behind the snoring and apnea.  ENT ruled out tonsils and sinuses as the cause (although I disagree that they are “fine”).  He still snores lightly with the CPAP on, and I think that’s because the issue doesn’t originate with airway at all, but his spine.  I just go to bed first, and I stick an earbud in one ear with rain sounds playing from a streaming app.  It shuts off and falls out of my ear about the time DH settles in and the light snoring stops.  The only time I wake up is when the nose piece is at the end of its useful life, because it pops off and “whistles” obnoxiously.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My DH's cpap is very quiet. And it's not a full faced mask, just "nose pillows."  Maybe those with bad experiences should lobby to try something different?

I will say, when DH's machine isn't set to the right level, he will snore with it on. And his mouth will fall open and the air rushes out like a wind tunnel. But when all is set correctly, it's very, very quiet. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I thought of this thread when listening to Clark Howard's podcast from Jan 8. He was broadcasting from the Consumer Electronic Show (CES) and someone was debuting a new product for snorers. It's essentially an eye mask that works with a smart phone and it somehow vibrates/puts pressure on the snorer to get them to move. The developer is a snorer and said it works great.

I have no idea if it will actually work, or if it will work on all snorers, but I wanted to pass it along. It might be a great alternative to the CPAP machines for those who are hesitant to wear such a device.

As of the podcast, they had 500 units built and ready to sell. The regular price $179 and it's on sale for $125.

https://hupnos.com/

If someone buys one, please come back to this thread and let the rest of us know if it works! 😄

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


DH will snore a little when the mask is askew.   Originally, I really hadn't minded the snoring, even though he is legendary about it.  I am just someone able to sleep with noise (light is a problem).    But, within a short order after my Grandfather dying likely of Apnea and my dad getting getting a sleep study, then DH getting a sleep study showing him to have Severe Apnea.   So, I got it in my head that every Apnea Event might take something like 5 minutes off his life.   I became quite Vigilant about DH using his CPAP and I'll wake him up if it is even askew.   For a while there I was waking him up because our Dog started snoring and she sleeps on his side of the bed.    What is a hoot is that DH thought the dog snores were loud.   I think I laughed so hard I fell out of the chair.  

Someone mentioned their DH took the CPAP camping.   That was a HUGE benefit for me.  DH used to love primitive camping, in fact he taught primitive camping at Boy Scout camp.   Now DH needs a electrical outlet when camping (happy sigh).  

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, AbcdeDooDah said:

I move to the couch when dh is snoring(instead of him) for a few reasons.

I am half his size and that's less strain on the couch.  

I can sleep anywhere. 

He has a physically demanding job and needs sleep.  Not that I dont, but again. I can sleep anywhere. 

We don't have big snoring problems but this reminded me of nights when I have left the bed to go sleep on the couch for whatever reason - it was just more practical all the way around for me to be the one to move.  I could sleep fine on the couch whereas he could not (too tall, for one thing); I didn't have to be up, wide-awake and sharp to perform at an outside job the next morning. When he'd get up for work, I would need to be up with the kids anyway, but we could snuggle in bed with picture books if I was tired.  He didn't have that luxury. So for our family setup at that time, it made the most sense for me to leave him the bed.  

I do agree that OP's husband should get checked out! 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have my own bedroom after spending YEARS on the couch almost every night.  I have a nicely decorated room with a queen bed (matching headboard/night stands)-- sitting area and closet (but I still keep my clothes in the master's walk in closet as I prefer the shower in the master bath over the hallway bath.  DH and I have no issue finding time for visiting and tea.  I do miss our 'pillow talk' and cuddles...  My room does double as the guest room-- but this is only a few times each year.

My husband has terrible apnea.   He has had 2 surgeries that helped for a few years-- but he did NOT have the one surgery he has needed since he was in high school (under-developed lower jaw)-- he opted for braces back then.. having his tonsils out helped-- he also had some throat/sinus stuff done about 10 years ago.  Our oldest dd had the same issue as DH (under-developed jaw) and she snored terribly as a teen-- she is also an aspie-- so not sleeping really added to her issues!  The surgery was not easy-- but not really painful either (a few weeks with a soft-food diet and lots of rubber bands in her mouth)-- the swelling and bruising was the worst part-- 2 months later she was a totally different person as she was finally getting a good night's sleep-- no issues since!  DH just does not want the swellling/bruising... 

DH (because of his jaw) was never able to find a CPAP machine that would fit-- it has been about 5 years since he tried-- I've been urging him to try again.

DH now officially has heart disease-- so he told me last night he wants to look into it again-- but WILL NOT do another sleep study unless it is one done in our home. 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A high-quality current generation CPAP/APAP (ResMed AutoSet 10 being best) should be very quiet. Almost imperceptible to a sleeping partner. 

@Jann in TX if your husband is not a "mouth breather" he could use either a nasal mask or nasal pillows irrespective of having a short jawline.

The nasal pillows called P10s by ResMed have what's almost a cult following for the way they gently disperse exhaust air.

Bill

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, shawthorne44 said:

Someone mentioned their DH took the CPAP camping.   That was a HUGE benefit for me.  DH used to love primitive camping, in fact he taught primitive camping at Boy Scout camp.   Now DH needs a electrical outlet when camping (happy sigh).  

 

You probably don’t want to know that you can buy portable battery packs for them . . . 🤐 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, alisoncooks said:

My DH's cpap is very quiet. And it's not a full faced mask, just "nose pillows."  Maybe those with bad experiences should lobby to try something different?

I will say, when DH's machine isn't set to the right level, he will snore with it on. And his mouth will fall open and the air rushes out like a wind tunnel. But when all is set correctly, it's very, very quiet. 

 

This is my story, word for word.  I thought they were all quiet nowadays?  I guess not.  If anyone gets a loud one, I’d suggest asking for a quieter one and seeing why they gave you the loud one.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, Matryoshka said:


I'd love to ask a follow-on question to this.  My dh has snored our whole marriage, and he used stay asleep and but roll over if I poked him, but more recently he's been harder to move and if he actually wakes up he gets ornery.  He also sounded more and more apnea-y, so he finally agreed to get a sleep study and they gave him a CPAP.

That thing was loud.  And sounded like it was trying to drown him with air all night.  I think we both got less sleep, rather than more.  I would also have had to get earplugs or something, but since he wasn't sleeping well with it either, he gave it back.

So then he tried one of those tennis ball shirts - tennis balls didn't work well, but some floral foam blocks have done the trick fairly well.  He doesn't snore much at all if he's properly on his side.  But might he still be getting apnea if he's not snoring?  Now I'm a bit worried.  If he's not snoring much on his side, should I still worry?

My SIL has what she says is  BiPAP, I think?  She said that worked better for her than the CPAP.  Do all of your dhs really have CPAPs, or one of those?  She called it a CPAP until we asked her about his experience and she clarified.  Was his broken?  Why was it so loud and why did it seem like it was drowning him with air?  Changing the pressure did nothing - it would ramp right back up.  After his experience, I can't imagine anyone actually sleeping better with one of those...

ETA: not sure if it makes any difference,  but thought I should add that dh's snoring has nothing to do with weight. .. he's gone up one inch in waist size since we got married,  to a 33...

My husband has a CPAP, it’s pretty quiet, he’s been using 3-4 years now. He has two different masks, the one that just shoots air into his nose is a lot quieter than the face mask. But it dries out the skin around his nose and can get irritating. The full mask makes an air rushing noise, it isn’t terribly loud, but is loader than the nose only mask. Both remind me of a white noise machine. Definitely talk to the place where he buys his supplies and see if they can get a different, quieter set up. 

Edited by Rachel
Typo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And yes, just because he isn’t snoring doesn’t mean he doesn’t have sleep apnea. Snoring is just a common sign. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My DH's is through the VA so I doubt it's a top-of-the-line one.  He tried a nose-only mask once but I guess it didn't work for him because he gave up on it immediately.  I have no idea how he can sleep with the thing on but he loves it.  He'll even put it on if he's just lying in bed reading for a while.  He had severe sleep apnea though so I suppose it's a big improvement for him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, Matryoshka said:


I'd love to ask a follow-on question to this.  My dh has snored our whole marriage, and he used stay asleep and but roll over if I poked him, but more recently he's been harder to move and if he actually wakes up he gets ornery.  He also sounded more and more apnea-y, so he finally agreed to get a sleep study and they gave him a CPAP.

That thing was loud.  And sounded like it was trying to drown him with air all night.  I think we both got less sleep, rather than more.  I would also have had to get earplugs or something, but since he wasn't sleeping well with it either, he gave it back.

So then he tried one of those tennis ball shirts - tennis balls didn't work well, but some floral foam blocks have done the trick fairly well.  He doesn't snore much at all if he's properly on his side.  But might he still be getting apnea if he's not snoring?  Now I'm a bit worried.  If he's not snoring much on his side, should I still worry?

My SIL has what she says is  BiPAP, I think?  She said that worked better for her than the CPAP.  Do all of your dhs really have CPAPs, or one of those?  She called it a CPAP until we asked her about his experience and she clarified.  Was his broken?  Why was it so loud and why did it seem like it was drowning him with air?  Changing the pressure did nothing - it would ramp right back up.  After his experience, I can't imagine anyone actually sleeping better with one of those...

ETA: not sure if it makes any difference,  but thought I should add that dh's snoring has nothing to do with weight. .. he's gone up one inch in waist size since we got married,  to a 33...

My Dad had a CPAP for a while and it was a little loud and didn't work as well as it should have. He recently switched to a BiPAP and it works much better. Another consultation with the sleep specialist is probably in order.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Forget-Me-Not said:

 

You probably don’t want to know that you can buy portable battery packs for them . . . 🤐 

 

Shush!    Don't tell anyone, or the word might get back to him.  
I don't really need electricity, but I do need at least three fluffy pillows, so I need the close proximity of the car.  

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe some sort of snoring pillow exists now. I just saw an add for one. Would he try one? What if you hid his regular pillow? I might it a bit irrational if someone took MY pillow. I’m emotionally attached. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree on pushing for the sleep study.

My dh was diagnosed with sleep apnea when there were problems from what should have been a day-surgery and they kept him overnight; whenever he would fall asleep, the oxygen level alarm would go off!   But he needed a sleep-study for treatment... and it was a roughly 3 year waiting list.  So we waited and waited.  Near the end of the 3 years.... my husband would fall asleep constantly.  He would be sitting cutting onions, and in the middle of cutting he would stop because he was asleep.  He would fall asleep in the middle of talking to you... mid sentence... HIS!  His sleep study night arrived...  they said he had the worst sleep-apnea they had ever seen. (I don't remember the numbers....)  He is not ever to sleep without his machine because the risk of dying is huge for him.

He has a BiPap machine, with Oxygen added.  It is fairly quiet, but has a slight darth-vader in/out noise, but quiet.  Occasionally the machine got really noisy... it generally needed servicing.

I now also have a CPap.  My sleep study showed a sleep-disorder that is not sleep-apnea but is treated the same.  I have wondered if my settings are just right (the settings were determined over a 1 week stretch... where I was over-due for a couple of days, then post-partum.  I still remember the phone call as they assessed my results... "Did you know you wake up about every 2 hours for 30 minutes or so?"  (Breastfeeding a newborn...)   The nose-mask takes getting used to. I Also had to train myself to keep the mouth closed while I slept.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, shawthorne44 said:

A 3-year waiting list?    That is insane.   Where do you live?  

 

Canada

Note that that was 15 (18) years ago...  It was horrible seeing him get worse and worse that 3rd year. 

 

When I was trying to get referred (stupid doctor wouldn't refer me) he said it was a 1 year to 18 month wait list....  That was about 10-12 years ago. 

When I did get the referal, I was placed as super-high priority and had the test after about 2 weeks.  My ob/gyn had refered me for a pre-surgery assessment just in case (there was a few risk factors).  It was almost amusing...  they would ask a question that could factor into a surgery, and my truthful answer was almost always the one that would be a concern.  Anyway, they asked sbout any sleep disorders, I answered that I was sure that I had one but couldn't get a referal....  and as I said, within 2 weeks I had the sleep study.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Before my husband got his sleep apnea machine, we started really having problems in our marriage and family, to the point that looking back I don't even know how we thought we were ok. I finally started sleeping on the couch, and at least I was no longer angry and crazy..... After the machine there was an immediate turnaround in my husband as well.  It didn't just affect our mood and tempers, but even our decision making seems questionable to me.  There were some decisions made at that time that when I look back I really think that severe sleep deprivation was to blame.  

You're going to have to sleep on the couch, and make sure the living room is quiet, free of light (get blackout curtains) and get yourself some sleep.  

Your husband also needs to do something but good luck convincing someone who is also sleep deprived to make a good decision.  

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

PS it took my husband only about 4 days to get used to the machine! He hated hated the idea of a pillow mask on his nose, and it was super annoying but then when he started getting decent sleep, he was overjoyed.  Also, you get used to those kinds of things eventually.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Calming Tea said:

Before my husband got his sleep apnea machine, we started really having problems in our marriage and family, to the point that looking back I don't even know how we thought we were ok. I finally started sleeping on the couch, and at least I was no longer angry and crazy..... After the machine there was an immediate turnaround in my husband as well.  It didn't just affect our mood and tempers, but even our decision making seems questionable to me.  There were some decisions made at that time that when I look back I really think that severe sleep deprivation was to blame.  

You're going to have to sleep on the couch, and make sure the living room is quiet, free of light (get blackout curtains) and get yourself some sleep.  

Your husband also needs to do something but good luck convincing someone who is also sleep deprived to make a good decision.  

 

6 minutes ago, Calming Tea said:

PS it took my husband only about 4 days to get used to the machine! He hated hated the idea of a pillow mask on his nose, and it was super annoying but then when he started getting decent sleep, he was overjoyed.  Also, you get used to those kinds of things eventually.

I've heard many stories similar to yours. Many people wondering why they had not acted sooner and relishing improved sleep (for both partners).

Bill

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/10/2019 at 11:00 AM, Seasider too said:

So, he goes to bed early and I lose access to plinking around in the master bedroom (laundry folding, reading with the light on, straightening dresser drawers, beauty regimens in the master bath). And then, partly because he is also the type that likes to tell me goodbye every time he leaves the house - which is of course very sweet - he sometimes wakes me up to say goodbye, or I’m just woken too early by his alarm clock or the lights and sounds of him moving around the room to get dressed for the day. 

 

 

I can relate to this except that I go to bed before my husband and some days he also gets up earlier than I do. So I get the moving around in the room as he goes to bed and again in the morning when he gets up.  Now we have a dog so you add in the dog's clinking and whimpering.  😃

OP, definitely encourage your dh to get himself checked for apnea.  What pushed my dh to do it was that I had such a horrible migraine from lack of sleep I was vomiting and in horrible pain and they did a CT to look for a blood clot. It was my first migraine.  Also, as mentioned upthread, it was good for him. He was always tired. He still doesn't sleep great (see next comment about moving around a lot--it is a joke in his family that they have sleep curse), but it is much better than before.

Someone upthread mentioned their husband moves around a lot in bed also--my husband does too. If we had money and space a king sized bed might fix that but it's not in the cards for now. 

 

Edited by cintinative

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OP a cpap machine may not be the only solution to prevent snoring. One of my friends has a mouth guard from her dentist that pushes her lower jaw forward to prevent snoring. I’m not sure if that is an option but maybe your husband can explore the idea with his dentist. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/11/2019 at 9:45 AM, shawthorne44 said:



Someone mentioned their DH took the CPAP camping.   That was a HUGE benefit for me.  DH used to love primitive camping, in fact he taught primitive camping at Boy Scout camp.   Now DH needs a electrical outlet when camping (happy sigh).  

my husband brings his CPAP camping. He has a marine battery that he can use to power it.  You probably didn't want to know that though.  😃

 

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yea I do wonder if things will improve if he fixes the sleep issue. I have recently seen something about mouth guards that can be molded and it changes the jaw shape enough to prevent snoring. He used to have a mouth guard for tooth grinding and he stopped using it and ended up grinding down his teeth. I am not sure if it stopped his snoring too because this was before we were married and I think the ones designed to prevent snoring may be newer. I also saw from this social media thing on kids and mouth breathing that getting tonsils out can also prevent it in some people. He is a mouth breather at night too. Like others mentioned he also uses his computer in the middle of the night if he wakes up which wakes me up every time and I have to tell him to put it under the covers at least and he falls asleep shortly after hitting the pillow.

Edited by MistyMountain
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
59 minutes ago, MistyMountain said:

Yea I do wonder if things will improve if he fixes the sleep issue. I have recently seen something about mouth guards that can be molded and it changes the jaw shape enough to prevent snoring. He used to have a mouth guard for tooth grinding and he stopped using it and ended up grinding down his teeth. I am not sure if it stopped his snoring too because this was before we were married and I think the ones designed to prevent snoring may be newer. I also saw from this social media thing on kids and mouth breathing that getting tonsils out can also prevent it in some people. He is a mouth breather at night too. Like others mentioned he also uses his computer in the middle of the night if he wakes up which wakes me up every time and I have to tell him to put it under the covers at least and he falls asleep shortly after hitting the pillow.

 

My husband went to a sleep dentist this year and she had him fitted for a mouthpiece. We aren't sure what to call it exactly. It is supposed to help with grinding but also airway issues. He still wears his CPAP.  They call it "oral appliance therapy."   http://kbennettsleepapnea.com/faqs#how-does-it-work

How does the appliance work?
It works by advancing the mandible forward, and helps to lift the base of the tongue away from the posterior wall of the pharynx. It helps stop oral snoring by reducing the vibration of the soft palate and uvula. It does not improve nasal snoring.

What are the advantages of the appliance?
The biggest advantage is the ability to sleep without being connected to the CPAP machine and mask. It is small and extremely portable, fully adjustable, and fits well.  It is excellent for patients who travel. Unlike surgery, the appliance is not invasive nor irreversible. The side effects are minor and are easily tolerated by most patients. Most patients find the appliance much easier to use than the CPAP. Compliance with the appliance is high.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER & RECEIVE A COUPON FOR
10% OFF
We respect your privacy.You’ll hear about new products, special discounts & sales, and homeschooling tips. *Coupon only valid for first-time registrants. Coupon cannot be combined with any other offer. Entering your email address makes you eligible to receive future promotional emails.
0 Shares
Share
Tweet
Pin
×