Does anyone not do any presents for Christmas?

[mommyoffive]

Does anyone do this?  And if so what do you  do that day? 

I am thinking of totally changing our Christmas celebrations and I want to figure out what to do that day instead of wake up to piles of presents.  We used to do big Christmas morning for the kids, then we started scaling back and giving a few presents and a trip.  Some of the reasons we would want to stop giving presents in general is that the kids have everything they could want.  They have presents from the last 2 years still unopened in the basement.  They have all the big things and just don't need things.  We are getting tons of hand me downs from a friend who is moving so that just took all my smaller ideas.  She just gave me all this stuff the last 2 days.  Literally it was the idea I had for my older 2.  And now I need to take back a bunch of things that I had already bought.  You just don't need tons of clothes.  Also they get 2 carloads of things from my extended family that I can't make stop giving them presents, even though I have tried the last 3 years.  Plus I am trying to minimize things in our home.  

So I just want to stop giving them gifts from us and "Santa" Christmas morning.  But I can't figure out what to do that day to make it fun and special.  A new tradition.   It would be so easy for us to plan a trip that time of year, but the kids are huge in to ballet and that is Nutcracker season both Christmas eve and the day after.  

So any ideas on what to do for Christmas day that isn't about getting gifts?  I need to think of something the next few days. 

[Serenade]

Are your kids on board with this?  Or will they be disappointed on Christmas morning?  Unless they are totally onboard, I would suggest at least one gift or a stocking.  My kids like stockings the best, so if everything else were to go, I'd still do stockings.

[moonflower]

We don't have a million things and we don't have relatives who gift carloads, so we're still doing presents.

But I have thought in the past about alternatives - an amazing trip would be ideal.  since you can't do that, what about saying to the kids, this year we're going to serve others for Christmas? and we'll take a major huge awesome trip right after, when the Nutcracker is finished - like the beach, or Disneyworld, or whatever would really float their boats that you couldn't really budget for if you were buying presents.

Then on Christmas day, you get up, you eat breakfast, and you go do a soup kitchen, or host a Christmas meal for others in the community, or, I dunno, something like that.  I'm sure others here would have a million ideas for that kind of thing.

[SKL]

If you have even one child who might be sad about this, I wouldn't do it.

Buy stuff that is consumable if you don't want to accumulate objects.  But don't take away what for many kids is a huge part of Christmas. 

It's not the kids' fault if adults have over-bought in the past or have organization issues.

[SKL]

I think sometimes adults underestimate how important it is for kids to open presents on Christmas (if that's their past family tradition).

Even when we do Christmas early (due to travel), my kids still feel a bit depressed if they feel like there won't be anything to open on the day.  So far I have always packed a few small "surprises" so that won't happen.

There's a time for people to learn that "things" aren't important, but I don't think Christmas and under 18yo is that time.

Edited December 21, 2018 by SKL

[JustEm]

We aren't doing gifts this year except for special ingredients for baking and cooking because the kids all love doing that. Our Universal trip was the Christmas gift this year. So they'll have a few fun ingredients to open up and if we were staying home we'd bake and cook with said ingredients that day. But we'll be heading to mil's and then my whole family will be at our house before we even get back from mil's. So they'll do their baking the week after Christmas.

If your kids like being in the kitchen it would be a great way to still have gifts to open for any kids who would miss it and still give you a fun day of activities.

We haven't decided what ingredients yet. But the kids like making pies, cookies, jam, bread, and my oldest loves experimenting with new cooking recipes.

[City Mouse]

I thing that is a nice idea.

depending on the age of the kids, you could draw names so that each person gets a gift for only 1 other. Give them money then make a big show of going down to the bank so each can put money into their own savings account. You can build traditions by making/doing for others. Where I live there are no organizations that provide a Christmas dinner on Christmas Day, but I like that idea. 

Or do something totally different.- i need to find a place to go camping for over Christmas. 

 

[mommyoffive]

My first idea was going some place and volunteering that day.  I will have to try and find something.  I was thinking, maybe calling the nursing homes to see if we could visit. 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I agree with everyone else- only do this if the kids are totally on-board.  

 

Some ideas: A cookie baking competition, a jigsaw puzzle competition (this could involve unwrapping some puzzles at least), board game day, movie day, long complicated recipes like lasagnas or something, neighborhood caroling, if you are singers, roasting marshmallows over the bbq... 

[SKL]

I do agree it would be great for the whole family to do a volunteer activity on Christmas.  I am sure they are serving dinner at the homeless shelters - maybe you all could help with that.

[marbel]

26 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

My first idea was going some place and volunteering that day.  I will have to try and find something.  I was thinking, maybe calling the nursing homes to see if we could visit. 

This is a nice idea, but.. have your kids spent any time in nursing homes?  They can be scary places for little kids. (I don't know the ages of your kids.)  People don't always act in the ways we expect and can even be inappropriate.  I once had to remove a man's hand from my daughter's face as he was attempting to caress and hold her. I later learned that he routinely made passes at young women and even young girls.  There can also be sickness so people who are prone to illness have to be careful.

I don't want to be a downer because there are a lot of lonely people in nursing homes. But I have seen people take their kids and it was a horrible experience for them. (I have also seen the opposite; depends on the kids, their temperament, and previous exposure.)

My inclination in your situation would be to scale down gradually and start focusing on other things on the day.  If you live in a place where you can get outdoors and the weather permits, a nice hiking (or sledding) outing with hot cocoa, etc at the end can be a great way to spend Christmas and take the focus off gifts.  

Edited December 21, 2018 by marbel

[PeterPan]

53 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

They have presents from the last 2 years still unopened in the basement.

Not to be crazy, but how many presents are they getting? Why not just take them back to the store?

On the hand-me-downs, I would just take them to the thrift store if you don't need them. Are you giving clothes for Christmas so the donated clothes duplicate? You could return the store clothes if you wanted. 

I don't do clothes for Christmas. Well, take that back, I let my dd buy clothes this year because she's in college and needed them, lol. But in general, our kids get 3 presents--something they want, something homemade, something long-term useful. 

[mommyoffive]

Just now, PeterPan said:

Not to be crazy, but how many presents are they getting? Why not just take them back to the store?

On the hand-me-downs, I would just take them to the thrift store if you don't need them. Are you giving clothes for Christmas so the donated clothes duplicate? You could return the store clothes if you wanted. 

I don't do clothes for Christmas. Well, take that back, I let my dd buy clothes this year because she's in college and needed them, lol. But in general, our kids get 3 presents--something they want, something homemade, something long-term useful. 

 

From family how many do each get?  I don't know I don't count.  4 people drive two station wagons full of toys to us.  We have returned some, but some have no tags on them.  It ends up just being a pain.  I meant to donate to an angle tree this year, but we never found one around us.  Our Christmas season is so busy with Nutcracker going on that we don't have time for a lot of the other things we used to d. 

No the hand me downs are nice and we will keep most of them.  They are all for the next size up that my 2 older ones need.  So yes I will end up taking back the stuff to the store.  We normally don't do a lot of clothes for Christmas maybe jammies and stuff, but this year we were going to do some.

[KungFuPanda]

Maybe before Christmas they could participate in a holiday toy drive. You could even “shop” your basement for new unwrapped toys for organizations like Toys for Tots or whatever grass roots organization does this in your area. You could gather used toys for goodwill. Frugal parents will be grateful to find a decent selection there this time of year. Maybe you can have some sort of personal food drive as you count down to Christmas and drop off at a food pantry the week before. Some shelters have recipes you can make/deliver but they might get more help than they need in December so doing this another months could work better. 

For the day of you can do a games/cookie baking/movie day. Have a holiday puzzle in one table and a stack of family games on another. Save the fun cut-out cookies or gingerbread houses for Christmas Day. 

If you don’t want to eliminate gifts do the 3 gifts thing. Something you want, something you need, and something to read.” A book, some socks, and one toy won’t ruin them. 

Explain your new toy drive/donation plan to relatives and make it clear that your children will be allowed to keep ONE thing they give them and the rest will be gifted forward. You are in control of that bounty you just have to make clear boundaries and stick to them. It might be best to spell these rules out WELL before the holidays with a reminder around Thanksgiving. 

Can you do a January trip after Nutcracker? Maybe set up a fund where relatives can donate to the trip instead of buying so much stuff? Remember, the Christmas season doesn’t end until January 6th, so use those extra days until Epiphany to do holiday things after the ballet shuts down. Lots of light displays stay up this long too, so it’s worth checking out after the New Year. 

Edited December 21, 2018 by KungFuPanda

[moonflower]

2 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

This involves a gift, so maybe not what you're wanting. But a friend of ours does this I've just discovered, so I'm contemplating it for the future, since our parents more than cover the gifts to open boxes for our kids.

Friend does just a family gift. That's the only present. They have 5 kids, so they get one really, really cool family gift that everyone can enjoy.

They have property in the country so for instance last year, they bought the most awesome telescope I've ever seen. It's crazy powerful and can be programmed and tracks, etc. and is perfect for star gazing when they're out at their place in the country. They also do trips sometime, but don't go on the trip until after Christmas for the same reasons you mention. They just all find out on Christmas morning they're going on a trip to XYZ later. That way it's just more to build the family culture/unity. She said the kids adjusted to it great- they've been doing it 15 years now. They only do stockings on Christmas morning- just tiny things, but enough to make the kids happy to have something to "open". Otherwise it's just that single family gift. 

 

I think Maize here on the boards does something like that - all gifts are family gifts, except maybe stockings?  

We're doing more of this this year just because we have a lot of little kids , including 3 boys ages 5, 4, and 2.  They share everything anyway, and really it ends up being either get 3 of the exact same thing (or they want what the other kid has) or get things that they can all use together since they're going to do that anyway.  I do some of both.  The older kids have more disparate interests and are getting more individual gifts, but there are still some things they will share.

[mommyoffive]

10 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

Maybe before Christmas they could participate in a holiday toy drive. You could even “shop” your basement for new unwrapped toys for organizations like Toys for Tots or whatever grass roots organization does this in your area. You could gather used toys for goodwill. Frugal parents will be grateful to find a decent selection there this time of year. Maybe you can have some sort of personal food drive as you count down to Christmas and drop off at a food pantry the week before. Some shelters have recipes you can make/deliver but they might get more help than they need in December so doing this another months could work better. 

For the day of you can do a games/cookie baking/movie day. Have a holiday puzzle in one table and a stack of family games on another. Save the fun cut-out cookies or gingerbread houses for Christmas Day. 

If you don’t want to eliminate gifts do the 3 gifts thing. Something you want, something you need, and something to read.” A book, some socks, and one toy won’t ruin them. 

Explain your new toy drive/donation plan to relatives and make it clear that your children will be allowed to keep ONE thing they give them and the rest will be gifted forward. You are in control of that bounty you just have to make clear boundaries and stick to them. It might be best to spell these rules out WELL before the holidays with a reminder around Thanksgiving. 

Can you do a January trip after Nutcracker? Maybe set up a fund where relatives can donate to the trip instead of buying so much stuff? Remember, the Christmas season doesn’t end until January 6th, so use those extra days until Epiphany to do holiday things after the ballet shuts down. Lots of light displays stay up this long too, so it’s worth checking out after the New Year. 

I have tried so many ideas for them to stop.  

Different ideas for presents that is not stuff, lets spend a day together doing something instead of presents.  It just never works with them. They are the only grandkids on either side.  And my aunt doesn't have any grand kids either.   

[SamanthaCarter]

We do one gift per child and stockings, trying to keep it under $100/kid. ILs give too many trinkets and dh has an aunt that gives each a fairly high end gift, so it’s not like there isn’t a pile on Christmas morning. 

I too would like some non-gift tradition, but as an “also,” not “instead of.”

[mommyoffive]

5 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

This involves a gift, so maybe not what you're wanting. But a friend of ours does this I've just discovered, so I'm contemplating it for the future, since our parents more than cover the gifts to open boxes for our kids.

Friend does just a family gift. That's the only present. They have 5 kids, so they get one really, really cool family gift that everyone can enjoy.

They have property in the country so for instance last year, they bought the most awesome telescope I've ever seen. It's crazy powerful and can be programmed and tracks, etc. and is perfect for star gazing when they're out at their place in the country. They also do trips sometime, but don't go on the trip until after Christmas for the same reasons you mention. They just all find out on Christmas morning they're going on a trip to XYZ later. That way it's just more to build the family culture/unity. She said the kids adjusted to it great- they've been doing it 15 years now. They only do stockings on Christmas morning- just tiny things, but enough to make the kids happy to have something to "open". Otherwise it's just that single family gift. 

 

Love that idea too.  

[SKL]

When my kids were little most of the gifts were for both of them.  Somewhere around ages 7-9 it changed to where now most gifts are individual.  They have developed very different interests.

[SamanthaCarter]

Can you open relative gifts on Christmas morning? Or do they insist on being present for the gift opening? I honestly don’t see how parental gifts are all that necessary when relatives are more than taking care of it for you. Kids get good things from thier parents the rest of the year right? 

[KungFuPanda]

4 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

I have tried so many ideas for them to stop.  

Different ideas for presents that is not stuff, lets spend a day together doing something instead of presents.  It just never works with them. They are the only grandkids on either side.  And my aunt doesn't have any grand kids either.   

Have you tried making it crystal clear that the child will open/keep ONE gift and the rest will go to charity? Do this long before they shop. 

Maybe in the summer when there are no holiday emotions to deal with you could photograph your kids buried in a toy avalanche. Explain how you do not want to end up on an episode of hoarders and how your kids can’t play with things they can’t find or care for. Maybe a plea for help and a clear plan of action will be better received than whatever system you have going now. 

[maize]

I don't do individual presents other than stocking stuffers (which are usually mostly edibles plus a toy dinosaur because dinosaurs have become unbreakable tradition).

My kids don't get individual presents from extended family either, so all gifts under the tree are group gifts. This year that will be several board games and books, plus a creative play toy aimed at the littles and a GoPro camera that should appeal to the older kids.

[mommyoffive]

11 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

Have you tried making it crystal clear that the child will open/keep ONE gift and the rest will go to charity? Do this long before they shop. 

Maybe in the summer when there are no holiday emotions to deal with you could photograph your kids buried in a toy avalanche. Explain how you do not want to end up on an episode of hoarders and how your kids can’t play with things they can’t find or care for. Maybe a plea for help and a clear plan of action will be better received than whatever system you have going now. 

 

Smart but they don't care.  They make comments and laugh about all the stuff that is now our problem. 

[mommyoffive]

12 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

FWIW, I have the same problem with my parents and MIL on the gift front as you- I've made many of a thread trying to figure out how to quench it.

Finding out about this thing Friend does was finally my moment of feeling like we could do that and control the intake on our end. Because the fact is I can't control what my family gives them, nor my MIL etc.. And things like donating it all the day after it's given is only going to earn me extremely resentful children AND parents. It's not worth it for me to generate that sort of hostility because there's no way I won't end up the bad guy to all of them. Kids the age of mine will not understand I'm giving away their gifts the day after Christmas because Grandma wouldn't listen. They just wouldn't. And I'm guessing it would be a topic of therapy for them 20 years later, because it would be so abrupt, and honestly it's putting them into the middle in what is actually a power struggle between us and our parents, if I want to be honest. And I'm just not willing to do that. The personal organizer has been my personal win over the Power Struggle and it's worked out beautifully. 

We've already really reined in what we buy for the kids, but I think next year we're going to totally redirect and do, or at least try to do if finances allow, the one huge gift thing. I even tested out the waters on the kids yesterday. They want to go fishing on a big boat, so I told them "maybe next year instead of presents, we will do a guided overnight trip out into the Bay or something, but you wouldn't get any toys, because it's very expensive to take all of us to do that!" and they were like YAY!!! Let's do it!!!  So, we'll see. I figure it'd cost about the same as I spend now, and then I don't have unused toys sitting in my house. 

 

Thanks for sharing.  It is nice to hear from someone who is dealing with the same thing. 

[KungFuPanda]

7 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

 

Smart but they don't care.  They make comments and laugh about all the stuff that is now our problem. 

Maybe it would be easier if your purging/donating efforts focused on toys from previous years? I’m guessing this problem is cumulative. If the piles of gifts keep coming there is no need to stockpile old toys for younger kids. You could do a yearly clear-out of anything older that 2 years that isn’t beloved and stay ahead until the kids get old enough that everything they want is clothing or tiny electronics. 

[mommyoffive]

7 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

Maybe it would be easier if your purging/donating efforts focused on toys from previous years? I’m guessing this problem is cumulative. If the piles of gifts keep coming there is no need to stockpile old toys for younger kids. You could do a yearly clear-out of anything older that 2 years that isn’t beloved and stay ahead until the kids get old enough that everything they want is clothing or tiny electronics. 

 

I do that weekly.  I take donations every week.  

[KungFuPanda]

20 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

 

I do that weekly.  I take donations every week.  

Holy Cow! That’s a second job for you. Can you load those donations into the in-laws station wagons? (I know you can’t, but I’m fantasizing on your behalf.)

[Bluegoat]

I have thought about this, and I think I would like to do it.

I don't necessarily have a problem with gifts in theory.  Lots of the things we get the kids are things they need or use and would likely get anyway.  As part of a celebration of giving, I don't mind that.  However, because of the way it's been consumerised my feeling in that the message has really become quite different - even if you try and counteract that.

What I've not been sure of is how to get my ILs on board.  

But - I do think you can much more easily make gift giving very minimal.  As some have said, individual gifts can be stocking only.  Or, Santa can bring things for the family - like this year he's brought a game of Scotland Yard and two DVDs at our house (one of which, sneaky guy, is kindof for school.)

But to get closer to the original question - what to do to stop things from being too much of a letdown: I think this is totally doable, but you will need to think in terms of changing the rhythm of the day.  So plan to do certain things in a regular way yearly, and deliberatly.  Some leading up to or following the day, but some on the day.  

Even so, it may be less of a frenzied excitement kind of thing.  But I think actually - that is a good thing.  THat's maybe a big part of the reason to do it.  It will be a change, and it might feel a bit of a let down at first, but I think once you have that kind of tradition established, it would be very wonderful.  Some thoughts I have:

-start with a nice breakfast you all like, maybe something special for Christmas.  Have hot chocolate or cider. 

- If you are a Christian, attend church on Christmas day.  We didn't always do this when we were rural because it wasn't possible, but now we do, and it really does change the sense of the day.  It is a real focus, we see friends and people we have known for a long time, we say hello.  There is beautiful singing and there is usually a CHristmas pudding or cake the children made on Stir Up Sunday to share out afterward.

 - If you aren't Christian, do something else as your morning thing.  Go for a walk in the woods, or snowshoeing.  Go skate, at a rink if necessary. Watch ships.  Etc.

- If you have some presents, open them after this event, or maybe only stockings before.

 - You could consider doing something like helping out at a Christmas meal at a mission or shelter in the afternoon, and eating there yourself.  Or, cook your dinner all together listening to carols and such.

 - Have a variety show - everyone has to do a thematic skit, play a song, recite a poem or short story.

- Get some painting stuff - canvases and the like, and do some group painting.  Put Bob Ross on the tv and do a winter scene.

Watch or listen to a Christmas thing you all like together.  Ideally something that stands up over time.  I love this one, The Days Before Christmas - and watch it every year (sometimes more than once if I need a pick-me-up earlier in the season.)

[Bootsie]

Because your family is busy with Nutcracker the day before and the day after Christmas, a quieter day may be welcome.  Some things we would do in that case:

Attend church service, help in a soup kitchen, deliver special food gifts to the homeless we see, cook a nice brunch with special foods and served on fancy china, bake special Christmas cookies or build a gingerbread house, have a Christmas picnic (we live in a climate where this is more likely than ice skating, snoe showing etc.), have a family game day, make Christmas ornament

[prairiewindmomma]

We have made a shift away from things to service and experiences.  There are a number of things that we regularly do as a family, but we've really stepped it up this month.  There are so many in need in the world. If you have an excess of things, then by all means, move it out of your house and share it with the world. 

My extended family *JUST THIS YEAR* (after 15 years of pushing) has finally gotten on board with doing less.  I suspect is has more to do with the fact that it isn't as much fun to buy for older kids and it's easier to give gift cards/money than anything else, but.... I want to caution you about a set of experiences we had.  For a number of years, we let the extended family give more and we gave less and it created the dynamic that the kids thought that the grandparents and aunts and uncles were the fun ones and we were not.  Our kids internalized the message that the extended family gave them what they want and appreciated them and we just gave boring clothes.  In retrospect, if I had to do a do-over....I would handle it all differently. 

What we do now: the children go through all of their clothing with me in early fall and we make a list of needs for winter. We also talk about their toys and what they still enjoy playing with versus what doesn't interest them anymore. All toys are cleaned, sorted, and anything broken is tossed.  We donate all outgrown clothing and toys. The local schools have clothing closets that we currently donate to, before we sent it to Salvation Army or the like so that families could shop for what they needed at the right season.

We do stockings and either a family gift or a couple of needed things each. It's VERY scaled back and the focus is very much on serving others. We've been aiming for one big service opportunity a week this month that the kids can actively participate in and that serves kids their age, in their communities.  

If you need some ideas, here are a few:

*new pjs and luggage for kids in foster care---the holidays are sadly a time of huge influx for children being taken into care, and they often come with nothing from their homes--or if they do, it's thrown in a garbage bag

*donations to the local food bank or school (if your schools hand out meal packs to families to cover them over the holidays when school isn't in session)

*donation of toiletries and toys to the local women's/family shelter

*cards for meals on wheels holiday deliveries (if you are rural, this is an idea if you don't have the above)

*clothing and household items donations to the local refugee center (catholic charities is a big coordinator of this)

If you don't want to give things, most places need donations of time also--coordinating large mailings, helping with events, etc.

 

[SamanthaCarter]

You know I’ve been thinking about this and I do wonder if the majority of the baby boom generation bought into Christmas consumerism hook, line and sinker. It would make sense given they were children during the long post-war boom, and now as grandparents, they have the means to load the grandkids with presents. It could be too ingrained to change at this point. 

[Bluegoat]

1 hour ago, SamanthaCarter said:

You know I’ve been thinking about this and I do wonder if the majority of the baby boom generation bought into Christmas consumerism hook, line and sinker. It would make sense given they were children during the long post-war boom, and now as grandparents, they have the means to load the grandkids with presents. It could be too ingrained to change at this point. 

 

I do see something of a generational divide on this.  My sense is a lot of people closer to my age really feel like a lot of possessions can be such a weight, they don't have the financial resources to sustain it, and they are aware of the environmental issues too. Older baby boomers especially don't always seem to have the same sense.

[Catwoman]

5 hours ago, mommyoffive said:

My first idea was going some place and volunteering that day.  I will have to try and find something.  I was thinking, maybe calling the nursing homes to see if we could visit. 

 

Would you be doing this instead of presents or in addition to some presents?

All I can say is that if I was a kid looking forward to Christmas morning and my mom sprung it on me a few days before Christmas that we wouldn’t be doing the gifts under the tree, but would instead be visiting a nursing home on Christmas... I would have been CRUSHED. It’s something I never would have forgotten. It would have been awful.

What kid wants to spend Christmas at a nursing home when they aren’t even visiting a close relative?

I’m sure some people will be annoyed with me for saying this, but I think your whole plan is pretty lousy. If you’d been preparing the kids for this for months and months, that might make it easier on them, but this seems like a last minute decision, and I think that is incredibly unfair to your children. 

Give the kids some presents. They’re only young once. Let them enjoy Christmas the way they’re used to celebrating it. If you’re short on space, you don’t have to buy large-sized gifts, just fun things that don’t take up a lot of room.

[Frances]

If they are getting so many presents from others, then maybe just do individual stockings from Santa or Mom and Dad,whatever your tradition is. If you still feel the need to do more, then family presents, either tangible items or experiences. Can you save at least some family gifts to open on Christmas morning? We’ve only done stockings for many years, and don’t even do those on the years we travel on Christmas day. But we do wrap the individual items in the stockings. We usually have only a few items under the tree to open from relatives, as our families don’t do gifts, except the grandparents, and then it’s usually money. We spend lots of time cooking together as a family, playing games,and chatting. Depending on the weather, we usually go for a walk or ride to look at Christmas lights.

Edited December 21, 2018 by Frances

[mommyoffive]

3 hours ago, SamanthaCarter said:

You know I’ve been thinking about this and I do wonder if the majority of the baby boom generation bought into Christmas consumerism hook, line and sinker. It would make sense given they were children during the long post-war boom, and now as grandparents, they have the means to load the grandkids with presents. It could be too ingrained to change at this point. 

 

Could be.  The people who do this are baby boomers

[Catwoman]

3 hours ago, SamanthaCarter said:

You know I’ve been thinking about this and I do wonder if the majority of the baby boom generation bought into Christmas consumerism hook, line and sinker. It would make sense given they were children during the long post-war boom, and now as grandparents, they have the means to load the grandkids with presents. It could be too ingrained to change at this point. 

 

Well, I’m a baby boomer who grew up very happy with all of the Christmas consumerism, and my ds18 is very happy with it today. 😉

Frankly, I feel very sorry for kids whose parents don’t buy them gifts for Christmas, or who insist on donating the gifts their kids receive from their grandparents. My feeling is that if my kid gets a gift, he owns that gift; I don’t, so I don’t get to make the decision to donate it.

I’m not saying that everyone should go overboard like I do, and I know that space is a constraint for many people, but there are plenty of very nice gifts that are also very small in size. I do sympathize with the parents who live in small homes but the grandparents buy the kids things like indoor bounce houses that are the size of the living room, though. I think it’s very unfair of grandparents to give gifts that they know are too large, or to give more presents than can fit in the house, though.

[Catwoman]

25 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

 

Could be.  The people who do this are baby boomers

 

Not necessarily. It could simply be the family tradition. My brother and I grew up with huge Christmases and tons of presents, and we passed that tradition along by doing the same thing with our families. Now my nieces and nephews all have kids and they buy tons of gifts for each other and for all of their kids, too. I’m sure my ds will be the same way if he ever has kids of his own.

We love Christmas. And we love decorating and presents and special foods and all of the other fun stuff. 🙂 

[mommyoffive]

4 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

Not necessarily. It could simply be the family tradition. My brother and I grew up with huge Christmases and tons of presents, and we passed that tradition along by doing the same thing with our families. Now my nieces and nephews all have kids and they buy tons of gifts for each other and for all of their kids, too. I’m sure my ds will be the same way if he ever has kids of his own.

We love Christmas. And we love decorating and presents and special foods and all of the other fun stuff. 🙂 

 

I know it really isn't an family tradition.  My grandma never did that for her kids.  They had presents but not in excess.  It started when these baby boomers in my family were parents.  We had huge Christmas 3 times over.  Meaning a huge one before Christmas, a huge Christmas morning from Santa, and then a huge one with extended family.  It was sort of fun i guess for us kids when we were young.  My mom who was one of the ones who did, she hated it.  The stress of it all.  The shopping, wrapping, the money. 

I love Christmas too.  It is my favorite holiday.  But the presents are not my favorite part.  IT is all the things we do at that time of year that I love.   

That is great you hope to continue it down the line.  I hope that my kids do not continue large present giving Christmas events.  I hope they keep it simple with a few thoughtful gifts and enjoy spending time together. 

[Teaching3bears]

I agree that if you are very busy the day before nd after you could have a quietvChristmas.

Decorate gingerbread houses. Do crafts. Cook and eat really yummy meals. Do a sport outside as a family. Go for a walk. Light a fire. Roast marshmallows. Play board games. Sing carols. have conversation.

There. That is enough to fill more than one day and it will make memories.

[Bluegoat]

41 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

Well, I’m a baby boomer who grew up very happy with all of the Christmas consumerism, and my ds18 is very happy with it today. 😉

Frankly, I feel very sorry for kids whose parents don’t buy them gifts for Christmas, or who insist on donating the gifts their kids receive from their grandparents. My feeling is that if my kid gets a gift, he owns that gift; I don’t, so I don’t get to make the decision to donate it.

I’m not saying that everyone should go overboard like I do, and I know that space is a constraint for many people, but there are plenty of very nice gifts that are also very small in size. I do sympathize with the parents who live in small homes but the grandparents buy the kids things like indoor bounce houses that are the size of the living room, though. I think it’s very unfair of grandparents to give gifts that they know are too large, or to give more presents than can fit in the house, though.

 

I don't get this.  Millions of people now and in the past have had happy Christmases with no, or very few, gifts.  

[unsinkable]

6 hours ago, mommyoffive said:

 

I do that weekly.  I take donations every week.  

It almost seems farcical...you are receiving carloads of gifts that you take away by the carload...

I'd stop the carloads of toys from entering the house. I am actually stunned that no one has sounded the WTM signature cry of "BOUNDARIES!"

If this was happening to me, I'd be upset that other people is are taking actions that are making me reconsider how I spend the holidays with my own children. 

With all that being said...I don't think I'd change how I do Christmas on Dec 21. Few small presents and giving to others are great things but I think that should be kids' expectations long before today.

[Catwoman]

12 minutes ago, Bluegoat said:

 

I don't get this.  Millions of people now and in the past have had happy Christmases with no, or very few, gifts.  

 

That’s fine if they are happy with it.

My family, and the vast majority of families I know, would not be happy with a Christmas without gifts.

[Bluegoat]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

 

That’s fine if they are happy with it.

My family, and the vast majority of families I know, would not be happy with a Christmas without gifts.

 

But that is a learned response, one that can be unlearned.  I seriously doubt that receiving stuff is the main thing most people really enjoy about Christmas.  It's like cocain though, if you've become accustomed to that buzz it takes some time to refocus.

[Catwoman]

7 minutes ago, Bluegoat said:

 

But that is a learned response, one that can be unlearned.  I seriously doubt that receiving stuff is the main thing most people really enjoy about Christmas.  It's like cocain though, if you've become accustomed to that buzz it takes some time to refocus.

 

But why should we, or any other family, try to “unlearn” something that brings great joy to us?

Sorry, but I’m not going to be made to feel guilty about the way we celebrate Christmas. 🙂

[happypamama]

I also do not think I would change things this close to Christmas. I'd maybe give fewer gifts and maybe more family gifts, but I'd have have some things to open this year, and then if I really wanted to do no gifts next year, I'd plan for that all year. 

 

Now, my kids did all say this year that they don't need any gifts because the baby is the best gift of all (and after some postpartum complications, having me here is also a bigger gift than they, thankfully, realize), but. They're kids. I appreciate how sweet they are and how they know what's truly important, but there will be things for them to open. 

[moonflower]

I think the idea, Catwoman, is that it doesn't bring great joy to everyone (and, on a more societal level, there are costs associated with excess consumption - moral and environmental and etc.)

[SamanthaCarter]

1 minute ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

They had their chance and raised their kids, so to me I cannot even imagine being as presumptive as my parents and in-laws have been on gifts and overstepping. It's totally a boundary thing, but the grandkids are who end up in the middle of the pissing contest and that's why I've struggled and why my heart goes out to the other's who struggle with similar issues with parents and family. It's more a respect and control issue than a gifting issue. 

They might not have had the money to shower thier kids with gifts and now they do. If that’s the case, no they didn’t really have the chance.

What I don’t get is the refusal to gift experiences because it’s not tangible. My kids get far less in that arena than my dh and I did, in part because the military (our growing up culture) heavily subsidized soccer, gymnastics, equestrian, ballet, etc. DH and I also had travel because of the numerous relocations. 😂

[Clemsondana]

For many years my kids were the only young ones in my extended family - they got gifts from 10 people in addition to use and Santa.  As they've gotten older, the gifts have become either 'character clothes' like star wars shirts or gift cards for things like movies, which is great.  When they were younger...I came to dread the influx of stuff.  One kid had things that were unwrapped but never opened, and the other opened everything but didn't play with it and was just stuck in clutter.  One thing that has been good for my kids is subscription boxes.  It's something to look forward to for several months and they are often educational or interesting.  Reading Bug book boxes have been popular with older, and tinker and atlas crates have been popular with younger.  We also did an art crate for a bit.  We have friends who do one of those 'foods from around the world' crates - they have a monthly family food tasting event that they enjoy. My parents also sometimes choose to do one big family gift - this year, I think that the kids are getting a pingpong table, and when they were little they got a 'my first trampoline'.  If they kids are getting old enough, would they be interested in starting to get 'hope chest' items - things that they'd need for an apartment or dorm?  In my senior year of high school, I remember getting towels and inexpensive silverware for Christmas, which I used when I went to college.  

[Bluegoat]

59 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I think it’s learned. But I also think some of it is a love language thing, and in worse cases a love thing that turns into a control thing. Some people really, really like giving gifts. To the point that the giving is more about the giver than the gift or the receiver. At least from my vantage, that’s what I’m starting to realize. And so then it becomes a power struggle typically between grandparents and their kids- the parents- on the battlefield of the grandkids. Parents get resentful, because they have to deal with all of the crap on the most basic level, and even more important, they’re feeling disrespected by their own parents. The grandparents feel like they’re being deprived of using their hard earned resources to spoil the grandkids the same way they “remember” spoiling their kids (although there is a huge difference in the volume AND price of toys between now vs 197x) and feel like their kids are unappreciative Scrooges who seem to have forgotten their toy filled, joyful Chrostmases. They also are, I’m guessing, feeling really judged by their adult kids that they felt a need to change how Christmas is “done” with the whole limiting of gifts thing. That’s at least my long pondered arm chair psychologist take as I’ve spent more hours than I’d ever like to admit thinking of this to try and maintain sanity and relations with my own parents. There is so much emotion tangled in, as well as expectation. I think it’s why so many people hate Christmas anymore. Not what it’s celebrating, but the stress of these power struggles within families. 

 

I think the love language thing is true in this scenario.

However - I don't think that personality trait has changed.  What has changed is the expectation for how much stuff there needs to be.  Givers can be satisfied with a lot less, but it becomes a competition, heavily influenced by media.

[Bluegoat]

1 hour ago, Catwoman said:

 

But why should we, or any other family, try to “unlearn” something that brings great joy to us?

Sorry, but I’m not going to be made to feel guilty about the way we celebrate Christmas. 🙂

 

Because of the effects of consumerism?  Not least the environmental impact.