If Christmas and birthday are really close together

[Dmmetler]

And the individual will get one big gift, is it better to do it for Christmas or Birthday? I have a few other small things as well (and some in the "well, you need it anyway" category), but basically the budget is blown for the one item that she really wants. This is for DD13, so not a little kid. She is getting together for a few friends to celebrate her birthday next week, so will likely get some small gifts then.

[SKL]

I would do the big one for Christmas, because everyone is going to be getting cool stuff on Christmas, unlike her birthday.

[Farrar]

For a younger kid, I'd think the birthday because everyone gives kids cool stuff on Christmas and it's more about the number of things you get to open when you're like 7. But they may feel the birthday gets forgotten and it's so important. But for a 13 yo, I'd say the other way around. My kids aren't fussed about birthday gifts so much anymore now that they're teens and would rather see friends and just generally get celebrated, but getting to open things on Christmas is still fun.

[Chris in VA]

Definitely big gift on Christmas. 

[Lecka]

I would go ahead.  

We went ahead this year (November birthday).  

None of my kids are getting anything big for Christmas this year, also.

We try to have some balance between siblings, but we don't worry about cousins.  

For an only child -- I would not worry at all about having a smaller Christmas.  

[purpleowl]

If she knows it's coming, then I'd say whichever event happens first. I feel like already having The Big Gift makes it feel okay to get a smaller amount than usual for the other occasion.

[J-rap]

Assuming everyone else is getting gifts on Christmas, I'd do the big gift on Christmas.  On her birthday, I'd still have cake and make it feel special, and it sounds like your dd is having a party with friends too, so she'll still be getting a few small birthday gifts.

Or, I suppose you can ask your dd what'd she'd prefer?

[Night Elf]

Does she know she's getting it? If so, then ask her when she'd like it. 

If she doesn't know, I vote for Christmas. Let her birthday be more about the celebration of her life with her friends and family with small gifts and her favorite dessert.

[gardenmom5]

so, is her birthday before christmas?  I would ask her which she would prefer.  she's old enough.

 

1dd's bd is in early january - so sometimes she'll get her "big" gift for christmas leaving a few incidentals for her birthday.

 

[Starfish]

Ds birthday is after Christmas.  We give the larger gift on Christmas and then smaller gifts and dinner on his actually b-day. 

[lmrich]

I would do the big gift for Christmas. 

Maybe you can make a family tradition (starting at 13) that instead of presents on one's birthday, the honoree gets to celebrate with friends and family. Make her day really special but without an emphasis on gifts. 

[YaelAldrich]

Have her convert to Judaism.  Then most years you won't have this problem.  That's what I did (my birthday is Jan 5)!  ?

[ktgrok]

2 hours ago, SKL said:

I would do the big one for Christmas, because everyone is going to be getting cool stuff on Christmas, unlike her birthday.

This. Having to sit there and not open anything while everone else is woudl be lame. On her birthday she will have gifts from her friends to open, and cake, and it will be fine. 

[Arcadia]

My kids (both December birthdays) prefer their gifts to be birthday gifts than Christmas gifts because birthday is their special day while Christmas is shared. I am also born in December and my birthday is nearer to Christmas than my kids. I had presents for my birthday and gift cards for Christmas.  

For my husband’s relatives, they think older kids  are too old for Christmas gifts (other than gift cards) but no one is too old for birthday presents. So big gifts would fall under birthday for them. 

[HS Mom in NC]

At 13, I would just ask. My 2 with near holiday birthdays would answer that question differently.

Oldest's is Jan. 1
Middle's is Nov. 23

[KarenC]

My birthday is Dec. 25th.  I would have wanted the big one on my birthday, since I rarely got a birthday present.  But, I would ask her which she would prefer.

[freesia]

57 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

At 13, I would just ask. My 2 with near holiday birthdays would answer that question differently.

Oldest's is Jan. 1
Middle's is Nov. 23

Yes, this.  Ask.  I have always done the 2 presents--one for each.  My dd, 15, just said she wished she could have one big present.  You know, she said that *after* I bought both presents--like the next day!

If I did that, I would make sure there was something small anyway for each occasion (we are kinda minimalists with presents around here, so the kids are used to usually just getting one or two gifts from us.)

[Twolittleboys]

I'd definitely give her the big gift for Christmas. She can have some smaller stuff for her birthday and combined with a cake/party/going-out etc. it will still feel special. 

Going the other way, I would be afraid that even for an older kid the theoretical knowledge (I already got my big gift and won't be getting much for Christmas) won't be enough to soften the blow if there really is little under the tree at Christmas (this depends a bit on how lavish your Christmases have been in the past of course). To be honest, I would be disappointed in the same case even if I knew / understood intellectually.

Also, I would probably try to still get a number of gifts to make birthday/Christmas feel special (I am all about gifts though) but would try to spend less money. Obviously, it depends on what the child enjoys but often there can be cheaper alternatives that still make good gifts e.g. in the past I have gotten used Legos and used comics quite inexpensively, I guess it also depends a bit on what the main gift is as some are more fun in the moment than others. I would try to make sure there is plenty to do/enjoy at Christmas (e.g. a new game, jigsaw puzzle, books etc.)