I looked for housewarming / new neighbor welcoming gifts online

[Liz CA]

and this is what I found:

https://www.wikihow.com/Present-Traditional-Housewarming-Gifts

I am not sure I can go through with it. Perhaps just the items in a basket without invading their space? Other ideas? What would you like to receive?

[Arctic Bunny]

That would make a great group gift, with a nice label tied to each item with the explanation!

I would do a basket-type gift, as starting with visit off by handing the wife a broom may not go well.

I would also hate for everyone to find the same Wiki article.

[LifeLovePassion]

The bread, wine and salt are in It's a wonderful Life. My mom gave us those when we bought our first house. It was a nice thought. A gift card to a local place would be good. 

[Bambam]

I'd seriously be weirded out if our neighbors had done this. I did appreciate the fruit quick bread and the plate of cookies. A house plant might be nice too. 

[Heatherwith4]

Lol I can’t imagine going in someone’s house like that unless I knew them well.  Very well.  The gifts are nice though.  

[teachermom2834]

I clicked on the link expecting to love the idea but oh my gosh... no way. The idea of some of the gifts are nice but some are just too much. I can’t even imagine doing that for one of my children. But I’m a rather reserved person I guess. 

Rice in the bedroom. Cannot imagine what I would have thought if anyone (even someone I thought I knew) did that. Haha. I say “thought I knew” because I don’t think I know anyone like that. 

I bet there is that one in a million personality that can pull of this gift and it is amazing. But it would just be weird coming from me. 

I did enjoy the read and a basket with a few of the items and an explanation would be sweet. 

[mmasc]

I like to receive and give hand soap. Sometimes I like the hand soap holder-things too, like at Bath & Body Works or Williams Sonoma, but that’s a little trickier without knowing their decor. 

https://www.williams-sonoma.com/m/products/williams-sonoma-meyer-lemon-soap-lotion-classic-3-pc-set/?pkey=e|soap|143|best|0|2|24||2&cm_src=PRODUCTSEARCH

 

[Spryte]

I could never pull that off, but I have an extended relative who loves nothing more than a house tour, and peeping into every space in a house, and she would love to do this as an excuse to see every room in the house!

My immediate thought: if someone stepped across the threshold and handed me a broom, they’d never forget the look on my face.  Yikes.  The only person who can give me a broom and have it go over well is my mom - because she has a weakness for unusual handmade brooms.  For the sake of art, not cleaning.

[goldberry]

Mwahahaha... I think I would push the person right out the door if they said this!  I mean, it's a nice sentiment and all...

Step into the house and give the wife the broom at the door. Always give the blessing with the gift. "May your house always be clean and free of evil spirits."

Edited August 18, 2018 by goldberry

[Liz CA]

I am pondering just doing a basket with homemade bread (or is this too personal - some people may be weary of homemade items?), olive oil and salt and maybe a card explaining the sentiments behind the items. Throw in some chocolate chip cookies for the kids?

I have not yet clapped eyes on them but dh has seen at least two children. Our houses are relatively far apart with long driveway. Would you leave a basket on the doorstep if nobody is home? Seems to defy the purpose of introducing yourself, however, my work schedule is a little up and down. They will likely meet dh before they meet me.

Edited August 18, 2018 by Liz CA

[MEmama]

Perhaps it's just me, but I would *seriously* regret purchasing a house next door to someone who left me gifts--nevermind a broom or hand soap!--especially if we'd never met. The guilt and and worry about expectations would keep me up at night. 

I'm sure it's a lovely idea and it's obviously coming from a good place, but why not just bring some cookies over one afternoon, after you've already chatted and if you determine you might be friendly in that way?

[Liz CA]

5 minutes ago, MEmama said:

Perhaps it's just me, but I would *seriously* regret purchasing a house next door to someone who left me gifts--nevermind a broom or hand soap!--especially if we'd never met. The guilt and and worry about expectations would keep me up at night. 

I'm sure it's a lovely idea and it's obviously coming from a good place, but why not just bring some cookies over one afternoon, after you've already chatted and if you determine you might be friendly in that way?

 

I will definitely skip the broom and the rice for the bedroom...:)

[Jean in Newcastle]

These gifts are based in old world superstition.  Since I don't live in the Old World and am not superstitious I would neither appreciate the gifts or would give them.  (If someone gave them to me I would still accept them graciously.) 

What I would appreciate.  A gift card to a local restaurant.  A houseplant.  Something like homemade jam.  Before our celiac diagnosis I would have appreciated homemade baked goods but while I would still accept them with a smile, they would not be used in this house.

[HS Mom in NC]

That's freakishly weird in Modern America.  I take a small bouquet of fresh cut flowers to people I don't know and hope they're not allergic.

No food items because I know so many people on restricted diets for health or moral reasons:

salt=high blood pressure
bread=gluten intolerance/empty carbs that spike blood sugar, general health consciousness
sweets =diabetes, prediabetes, avoiding cancer risk of sugar, general health consciousness
most pasta, white rices, white breads =empty carbs, blood sugar spikes
wine=religious objections to alcohol, history of alcoholism, wine people have specific tastes
olive oil=low fat diets


Broom? I don't know anyone over the age of 18 who didn't have a broom when they move in.  Many people would find it sexist to give it to the woman.  Same with the knife and the man.  And who doesn't already have knives? I think it would be really weird to get a knife from a stranger. What if it's a couple that has fertility issues? What if they're have fertility issues and are running out of time and money?  They don't want strangers commenting on a sensitive subject.  What if they adopted by choice when having bio kids was an option for them? What if their family size is just right for them?  And what if they're childless by choice? What if they're minimalistic and/or eco-conscious? They may not see wood items as morally neutral.  Giving them things they may not need or use will feel burdensome. (Well intentioned, but burdensome.) What if they have limited space?  What if they don't use open flame candles?  I use LED ones myself.   I get whey these were traditional gifts a long time ago, but they're completely inappropriate in today's society for the vast majority of people.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

My family are people who would love these gifts. We actually celebrate Hogmanay, as a heritage celebration. What follows is a rant - feel free to scroll past.

For everyone who thinks that bestowing some blessings on people's house is some kind of burden, a mess of stuff they can't even use (and how would they ever dispose of things like salt, honey, and oil? it's not like there are food pantries...hmmm), or a very presumptuous start of a relationship that is based on the emotional burden of doing things for each other, or a backwater expression of ignorant superstition...

THAT, to me, is tedious. One thing that makes me extremely tired, in current American society, is that you can't share any vestige of tradition, and you can't talk to anyone lest you failed to somehow divine ahead of time that there is no topic of conversation that is not a landmine, and no blessing or kind word that will be taken kindly.

If this was your tradition, or you thought the concept was charming but the article is Over the Top (true), here's a practical tip: It's ALL just symbolic. You do not need a full bottle of wine, the big cylinder carton of Morton's iodized salt, a quart of honey, and three French baguettes. You can achieve the same effect with a small basket containing a bottle of sparkling grape juice, a very small loaf of packaged bread (so they can pass it on if they don't want it, without being harmed), a very small container of salt, some gold coins, a candle. The blessings are happiness, prosperity, life, warmth, and joy in their home, during the coming years - you are NOT discussing their family planning or starting them down the road to alcoholism. 

If you like the broom idea, attach a little decorative cinnamon broom with a bow, on the basket. 

My real opinion is that people should give things that are in keeping with their own customs and lifestyle. I agree that there are households who might be totally baffled by oil, salt, wine, bread, and money, or customs that are outside their experience. They probably can't tie their own shoes, either, or cook their own soup, and they've probably never read a book, but whatever. That is fine. Take flowers. (But FYI, a lot of people are allergic to flowers. I hate it when anyone brings eucalyptus into my house. I have to almost make a scene, as I run into the other room while somebody quickly takes it OUT. My throat closes up!) Or if you take cookies, there you go again with the allergies and intolerances, or what if they are obese and you are leading them into temptation?? How sad!

Maybe we shouldn't go meet our neighbors. There is a chance that they have social anxiety, or they might be hoarders, and we would upset them by actually coming to their front door.

Guess what I read before I read this thread? On Facebook, on ScaryMommy's page, a blog post about the ten types of women who can't be spoken to, because they are so fragile and hypersensitive and ill-equipped to face humanity.

Grow up, America. If your neighbors come to the door, greet them, introduce yourself, thank them for coming, and graciously accept whatever they hand you. Take the upper hand in the conversation, so that you can politely keep it short. It is not their business or problem if you subsequently go on to ignore them except during emergencies, and you pass along their basket to someone else (or even dump it in the trash). If you are the one giving a well-intentioned gift, just give it. Nobody ever has to wear, consume, display, or keep any gift. You are not burdening them. They might enjoy the thought, if not the gift, but a lot of people will also enjoy the gift.

[Liz CA]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

These gifts are based in old world superstition.  Since I don't live in the Old World and am not superstitious I would neither appreciate the gifts or would give them.  (If someone gave them to me I would still accept them graciously.) 

What I would appreciate.  A gift card to a local restaurant.  A houseplant.  Something like homemade jam.  Before our celiac diagnosis I would have appreciated homemade baked goods but while I would still accept them with a smile, they would not be used in this house.

 

See, this is my thought too with all the food restrictions these days. In the end I will probably get some store bought cookies. If the family is gluten free, they may be able to pass them on to someone else. Olive oil would always be welcome at our house regardless of where the tradition originated. A gift card to a local ice cream parlor may be a good thing.

Edited August 18, 2018 by Liz CA

[Jean in Newcastle]

41 minutes ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:

My family are people who would love these gifts. We actually celebrate Hogmanay, as a heritage celebration. What follows is a rant - feel free to scroll past.

For everyone who thinks that bestowing some blessings on people's house is some kind of burden, a mess of stuff they can't even use (and how would they ever dispose of things like salt, honey, and oil? it's not like there are food pantries...hmmm), or a very presumptuous start of a relationship that is based on the emotional burden of doing things for each other, or a backwater expression of ignorant superstition...

THAT, to me, is tedious. One thing that makes me extremely tired, in current American society, is that you can't share any vestige of tradition, and you can't talk to anyone lest you failed to somehow divine ahead of time that there is no topic of conversation that is not a landmine, and no blessing or kind word that will be taken kindly.

If this was your tradition, or you thought the concept was charming but the article is Over the Top (true), here's a practical tip: It's ALL just symbolic. You do not need a full bottle of wine, the big cylinder carton of Morton's iodized salt, a quart of honey, and three French baguettes. You can achieve the same effect with a small basket containing a bottle of sparkling grape juice, a very small loaf of packaged bread (so they can pass it on if they don't want it, without being harmed), a very small container of salt, some gold coins, a candle. The blessings are happiness, prosperity, life, warmth, and joy in their home, during the coming years - you are NOT discussing their family planning or starting them down the road to alcoholism. 

If you like the broom idea, attach a little decorative cinnamon broom with a bow, on the basket. 

My real opinion is that people should give things that are in keeping with their own customs and lifestyle. I agree that there are households who might be totally baffled by oil, salt, wine, bread, and money, or customs that are outside their experience. They probably can't tie their own shoes, either, or cook their own soup, and they've probably never read a book, but whatever. That is fine. Take flowers. (But FYI, a lot of people are allergic to flowers. I hate it when anyone brings eucalyptus into my house. I have to almost make a scene, as I run into the other room while somebody quickly takes it OUT. My throat closes up!) Or if you take cookies, there you go again with the allergies and intolerances, or what if they are obese and you are leading them into temptation?? How sad!

Maybe we shouldn't go meet our neighbors. There is a chance that they have social anxiety, or they might be hoarders, and we would upset them by actually coming to their front door.

Guess what I read before I read this thread? On Facebook, on ScaryMommy's page, a blog post about the ten types of women who can't be spoken to, because they are so fragile and hypersensitive and ill-equipped to face humanity.

Grow up, America. If your neighbors come to the door, greet them, introduce yourself, thank them for coming, and graciously accept whatever they hand you. Take the upper hand in the conversation, so that you can politely keep it short. It is not their business or problem if you subsequently go on to ignore them except during emergencies, and you pass along their basket to someone else (or even dump it in the trash). If you are the one giving a well-intentioned gift, just give it. Nobody ever has to wear, consume, display, or keep any gift. You are not burdening them. They might enjoy the thought, if not the gift, but a lot of people will also enjoy the gift.

Give me a break.  Someone asked on a message board for opinions on what we would want as a housewarming gift.  Not all of us would want this particular gift.  I said that if someone gave it to me, I would still accept it graciously. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Just now, Jean in Newcastle said:

Give me a break.  Someone asked on a message board for opinions on what we would want as a housewarming gift.  Not all of us would want this particular gift.  I said that if someone gave it to me, I would still accept it graciously. 

 

I didn't quote you, Jean. No need to take it personally. Generally, I believe that any mature person ought to be able to give or receive a gift, without having their life ruined. You said you would accept it graciously, so my remarks didn't apply to you at all.

[HS Mom in NC]

19 minutes ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:

 

I didn't quote you, Jean. No need to take it personally. Generally, I believe that any mature person ought to be able to give or receive a gift, without having their life ruined. You said you would accept it graciously, so my remarks didn't apply to you at all.

You're really overreacting here.  No one is saying their life would be ruined.  No one is saying whatever is given should be rejected.  We're answering the OP about what people think of giving and receiving these gifts because someone specifically asked about it.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

23 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

You're really overreacting here.  No one is saying their life would be ruined.  No one is saying whatever is given should be rejected.  We're answering the OP about what people think of giving and receiving these gifts because someone specifically asked about it.

 

I thought your lists and rationales of why not to give various items as gifts was ridiculous. You think I'm really overreacting. I guess it's a draw.

[Forget-Me-Not]

I would be totally weirded out by that. Get them a few nice smelling hand soaps from BBW and maybe some cute tea towels and be done with it. 

[HS Mom in NC]

2 hours ago, Liz CA said:

 

 A gift card to a local ice cream parlor may be a good thing.

Dairy allergy. 
 

[HS Mom in NC]

1 hour ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:

 

I thought your lists and rationales of why not to give various items as gifts was ridiculous. You think I'm really overreacting. I guess it's a draw.

Do you not personally know a large number of people on restricted diets for medical and moral reasons? I know literally dozens between friends, neighbors, relatives, church people, homeschool people, my husband's co-workers, and friends of the family. All but a handful are for medical reasons. 

Have you never been someone with or around people with fertility issues?  Seriously, if you think a person can walk into the home of someone they have just met and do the rice thing about fertility or mention their fertility because it's in keeping with your subculture, you are in for a shock. I highly suggest you not do it.  There will be negative social consequences for you if you do. Here's a real life example relayed to me by someone who was there for it. My nephew's mother moved to a city just outside Salt Lake City a year ago.  Her neighbor came over, introduced herself, and when nephew's mother introduced her 1 son and 1 step-daughter the neighbor actually asked out loud, "Oh.  Only 2 kids?  Do you have fertility problems?" Nephew's mother told her straight out, "No, I don't have fertility problems and it's none of your business anyway if I did.  I can have as many kids as I want and I want just these two."  The asking was the end of the relationship. Giving a gift symbolic of fertility and saying something about hoping they're sexually productive is basically the same category. Have you not hear childless by choice people talk about all the comments people give them about it?  They're as obnoxious as comments about large families. 

And superstitious rituals aren't exactly mainstream American. Remember, we are talking about an article that has ritual phrases and ritual practices going on wandering through someone's house who you just met. Not every Christian or practitioner of other religions would want someone doing some sort of old pagan based ritual in their house. Secular people might not respond well either.  I mean I wouldn't shake hands with the new neighbors and say, "Let's pray.  Jesus, bless the Joneses and make their sex result in lots of healthy pregnancies." No one is saying you can't practice your own traditions, but doing them in someone else's house without them in on it or on board is really socially awkward. I have a friend who converted Orthodox and the priest came and did some sort of ritual for her house, which is lovely because she asked him to in keeping with her own faith.  Had she gone to someone else's house and started performing that same ritual when they were introduced and she was invited in would be really obnoxious and creepy.

[Jean in Newcastle]

As someone with lots of food restrictions in our family, I would welcome a gift certificate to a place with choices. Even an ice cream parlor would be fine with my dh with a dairy allergy because there are choices like sorbet which are dairy free and even vegan. 

[KungFuPanda]

I do see the frustration. You used to just be able to give a gift as a welcoming gesture. Now you can’t make a move for fear of offending someone and that someone may be offended if you do nothing. 

I’d be tempted to go with a nice, outdoor potted plant. A particularly tough annual that the rain can water but that they’re not expected to keep alive for more than a season OR bring indoors if they’re allergic. At least the butterflies will be happy. 

[Katy]

A plate of cookies, a pie, or a meal deal from a fried chicken place seem much more appropriate.

[school17777]

When we moved in to this house, I bought myself a picture hanging kit from Home Depot that comes with a mini hammer that has several tools in it, plus lots of different picture hangers. I thought that would make a great house warming gift.  

Eta:  here it is:  https://www.homedepot.com/p/OOK-55-Piece-Picture-Hanging-Tool-Box-Kit-59989/202341659

Edited August 19, 2018 by school17777

[Jaybee]

We closed on our new house on Friday. Yesterday, we headed over with paint supplies to find two of our new (unknown to us) neighbors mowing the yard for us, front and back! (it was supposed to have been mowed earlier by seller, but wasn't, and we also had a lot of rain this past week.) That's a housewarming gift that was greatly appreciated!

[scholastica]

7 minutes ago, Jaybee said:

We closed on our new house on Friday. Yesterday, we headed over with paint supplies to find two of our new (unknown to us) neighbors mowing the yard for us, front and back! (it was supposed to have been mowed earlier by seller, but wasn't, and we also had a lot of rain this past week.) That's a housewarming gift that was greatly appreciated!

You have awesome new neighbors!

 

[Jaybee]

9 hours ago, scholastica said:

You have awesome new neighbors!

 

That's kind of what we're thinking!

[teachermom2834]

10 hours ago, Jaybee said:

We closed on our new house on Friday. Yesterday, we headed over with paint supplies to find two of our new (unknown to us) neighbors mowing the yard for us, front and back! (it was supposed to have been mowed earlier by seller, but wasn't, and we also had a lot of rain this past week.) That's a housewarming gift that was greatly appreciated!

That is awesome!

Yet, someone is going to come along and say that would offend them, they have a special way they like their yard mowed, they have an allergy to freshly mowed grass, the neighbors were trespassing and a liability, etc etc.

It is hard to know what to do nowadays. I am just grateful someone thinks of us at all even if the gift isn’t my preference.

[Garga]

I wouldn’t expect a gift at all.  The full idea in the OP is too much for a stranger.  For a friend, maaaaaybe, but the idea of parading around a stranger’s home is very awkward.  I would be exhausted at having to pretend to be happy that people were parading around my house and handing me things in each room.  Putting small items in a basket is ok/meh (like others said-a tiny fake broom, etc.) with a little note explaining it.  The basket gift wouldn’t excite me, but I would be ok/meh with the thought.  The items and the note wouldn’t mean anything to me, but I would figure that the giver was trying to be nice and I’d appreciate the effort.  

When we moved here, apparently the town (it’s little) had a welcome wagon committee.  They left us a basket with lots of coupons to businesses in the area.  That was nice, but would be a weird gift from a neighbor.  “Hi, I live next door, here’s a coupon to Pete’s Pizza Place on Main St.”  

I’d go ahead and bake cookies, even knowing there could be food issues.  No nuts in them.  Chocolate chip.  I’d put them on a disposable plate and cover them very carefully with saran wrap.  “Hi, I’m Gertrude.  I live next door,” and I’d hand them the cookies.  They could immediately toss them in their trash if they can’t eat them (and the wrap would stop them from contaminating their house if there’s a problem.). Or, they could eat them.  It’s the tradition here in the US (plate of cookies to new neighbors), while all those other things aren’t.  I’d stick with the traditions of this country and be done with it.  The neighbors will understand that gift that way.

Edited August 20, 2018 by Garga

[Liz CA]

1 hour ago, Garga said:

I wouldn’t expect a gift at all.  The full idea in the OP is too much for a stranger.  For a friend, maaaaaybe, but the idea of parading around a stranger’s home is very awkward.  I would be exhausted at having to pretend to be happy that people were parading around my house and handing me things in each room.  Putting small items in a basket is ok/meh (like others said-a tiny fake broom, etc.) with a little note explaining it.  The basket gift wouldn’t excite me, but I would be ok/meh with the thought.  The items and the note wouldn’t mean anything to me, but I would figure that the giver was trying to be nice and I’d appreciate the effort.  

When we moved here, apparently the town (it’s little) had a welcome wagon committee.  They left us a basket with lots of coupons to businesses in the area.  That was nice, but would be a weird gift from a neighbor.  “Hi, I live next door, here’s a coupon to Pete’s Pizza Place on Main St.”  

I’d go ahead and bake cookies, even knowing there could be food issues.  No nuts in them.  Chocolate chip.  I’d put them on a disposable plate and cover them very carefully with saran wrap.  “Hi, I’m Gertrude.  I live next door,” and I’d hand them the cookies.  They could immediately toss them in their trash if they can’t eat them (and the wrap would stop them from contaminating their house if there’s a problem.). Or, they could eat them.  It’s the tradition here in the US (plate of cookies to new neighbors), while all those other things aren’t.  I’d stick with the traditions of this country and be done with it.  The neighbors will understand that gift that way.

 

Yeah, I was posting this tongue in cheek because I have never seen such suggestions before and it sounded rather bizarre to me. I must have been on the wrong website for good suggestions. I am still contemplating something like cookies, or a variety of cookies - perhaps some gluten free just in case. Fresh flowers sound very nice too.