"Forever" home

[Sneezyone]

3 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

What is a FROG?

We have a pool now and I want one if we build next to my parents.  The plan dh drew up for us shows the pool tucked behind the house and to side of garage...Very close to the back door.....very little grass to mow.  

 

Family Room Over Garage

[Scarlett]

6 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

 

Family Room Over Garage

I have never heard that....learn something new every day!

[JustEm]

Nope, but we are currently living with my parents while looking for/ or building our forever home.  The idea of buying a house every decade or so is foreign to me and really unappealing.  I want to be done after this and stay in our next house until I die or until my health prevents me from living in my own home.

[Ali in OR]

We are in our forever home. I am the type who wants to stay in place and put down roots. But also, we built this home 16 years ago because we had a child in a wheelchair and our previous tri-level home was not going to work much longer. So we have the perfect retirement home already, a single-level in an area where almost all homes built since the 1990's are two stories (land is expensive, building up is cheaper). We get letters from realtors every so often saying they have a buyer looking for a home like ours, but there is no way we're moving since we know how hard it is to find an accessible home! For many years there was the possibility of dh getting laid off and having to move, but his company is strong at the moment and we're close enough to retirement age that we could probably stay here with a less-well-paying job if layoffs were to happen now.

[Momto6inIN]

4 hours ago, seekinghim45 said:

Yes, we are in our forever home.  When we moved in here at 1998, I said the next time I am moving is when my kids move me to a nursing home.  I was 31 at the time.  Truth is, though, if something were to happen to my husband, I don't think I would keep this place.  One of the kids might want it, but if not, then I guess I would sell to a smaller place with no land. Then again, I might hire someone to take care of the land.  I don't know.  But this is our dream house- only because our kids grew up here, hubby and I have made it and are making it our own.  Lots of love resides here.  That is what makes a dream house.  I've seen lots of "perfect" put together houses that are very cold. I like ours, quirks and all. 

This is pretty much us too. We bought this place in 2002 when we were 28 and extensively added on and remodeled (as in, exactly 2 walls are still in the same place) with DH doing a large percentage of the work himself while I took care of a nursing infant and toddler pretty much on my own for 6 months and after that experience I said the next move was the nursing home lol! We even put the laundry room and our bedroom on the first floor on purpose so that someday when my knees don't want to climb the stairs anymore we can close off the upstairs and the basement and only use the first floor. Almost all of our collective memories as a family have happened here. So yes, I consider this my "forever" house.

However, I do realize that kids moving across the country and grandkids in other states and aging parents moving in and declining health and the other myriad possibilities for the future I haven't thought of yet might change my mind. So I'm not planning on moving but I won't say "never".

[G5052]

I thought we had our "forever home," but my marital situation changed that ?.  The reality was that it was a big house with an acre of grass that was hard to take care of when DS was gone for five months. I miss the house, but we could not have kept it up for long.

We're in a split-level rental now and are fine with that. I have mixed feelings about ever owning again. It's actually nice to just take things as they are and call the landlord when I need a plumber, etc. The bathrooms could use an update, it has a gravel driveway, the back yard is 80% weeds, and the carpet is worn. But it's not my problem, LOL. I can't afford to buy again at this point anyway.

Some people just rent as they get older so that they don't have the bother and are more flexible. I can certainly see that. There are "over 55" developments in my area that include lawn care and have options to order "personal services." Not within my budget though.

If we move again to rent elsewhere or buy, it will definitely be even smaller though. We'd have to get the right neighborhood and house.

[fairfarmhand]

3 hours ago, J-rap said:

In a different life, I could see my dh and I settling into a forever home -- a big old house with a giant front porch somewhere on some sprawling land, where our entire family and future family (kids and grandkids and great grandkids) could gather for every holiday...  ?  That whole concept sounds fun and very fulfilling.

But, we seem to be on a very different path, one that has had us traveling and living in other states and countries anywhere from one month to three years.  And, I guess now it's just in my blood, because now I really don't envision myself settling into a forever type home, ever.  I really enjoy trying out new places.  

Probably when I'm old and tired I'll feel differently.

 

See this is the home we have right now.

That sprawling property takes SO much upkeep. I think we can stay here as long as we're able to maintain it, but eventually, it will be too much to care for. And will be expensive to pay to upkeep. Perhaps a land lease or something would work.

Or if one of our kids builds a house and moves out here.

But the location is marvelous. We're just 30 minutes from major medical things so that's nice too. The house is all one level with one step up to come in. We have a bonus room, but could avoid using those stairs if necessary. Mainly, it depends on where my kids are, how feeble we get how quickly, and whether we want to pay $$$ for land upkeep.

[Arcadia]

My parents bought their marital home in 1970 and it would have been their forever home if the elevator goes to their floor. The house layout is not wheelchair friendly  but is walker/crutch friendly.  

Their current home is wheelchair friendly if my mom needs a wheelchair but is really too big for them. They would prefer a smaller home that has less walls and doors, as well as bigger doors. 

We move for jobs so this current home is definitely not a forever home even though the layout is good and most of the things we need is within walking distance. The light rail is rather reliable too. 

My ideal forever home would need to be small but spacious, open kitchen, patio or small backyard, and near amenities that we use regularly like the supermarket, library, public transport, pharmacy.

[shawthorne44]

 

We moved into our current and hopefully forever home in our early 40's.   It is my second home.   My parents live in the home that they bought in '78.   Selling, Buying and Moving is expensive and a HUGE bother.  It helps that we got the house super cheap and were able to rebuild it from the studs.   So, things are as we like them.   DH can build anything we want as an addition, as he currently is.  
 

[Janeway]

I would love to just have a forever home, where I raise my children, have the grandchildren visit, grow old, and say good bye to the world from. But, the taxes are high where I live and I have never loved where I live so it won't likely happen. If nothing else, I will be forced to sell and downsize due to the taxes.

[Teacher Mom]

Well, having been a military spouse and moving eleven times in  20 years, I can say from the bottom of my heart: "I dang sure hope so!" I will either die or be going into care from here.

[kbutton]

6 hours ago, Chris in VA said:

This is a very poignant thread for me, and it is very helpful, personally, to hear your experiences. I, too, don't know where "home" is. I don't know where we will end up! Right now, I have a granddaughter I feel unbonded to, because we are not close geographically (and for some other reasons) and it is so sad. I understand what J-rap is saying--I would like that big front porch (as long as other big windows let in light somewhere in the home!) and space but not too much space, close to my kids but not too close. I want everyone over and my privacy. LOL  

I love the quote from Kathy Butler  about living the life I have, not the life I think I have a right to--and that includes the home, too. 

I don't know. I'm pondering all of this. 

This sounds to me less about a house vs. knowing where you are going to land when you've moved so much. I think this experience will be more and more common over time as people have to move for jobs (as corporations win over communities).

My norm growing up was for people to stay local and often stay in the same house--they might move once if they built a custom house or downsized after having kids. My uncle currently lives in a house his parents owned; before that, my grandfather's parents owned it, and before that, it appears my great-grandmother's mom owned it! 

Regarding a forever home that is a building vs. a community, our house could be. We could make it work for older people to live in it--a kitchen remodel is inevitable, and we could make the half bath a full bath simultaneously (it's as big as the other baths in the house). The laundry could be moved from the basement, and a back room could make a private bedroom down the road. If we stay in the area and know we're going to stay, we can easily opt to remodel with that in mind. The challenge is that if we don't, it could be somewhat costly to change things (somewhat as in we wouldn't get what we put into it when we re-sell, but we tend to live below our means, and our current house was purchased below market value). There is a constant supply of new housing here that follows HGTV trends. But, the catch is that the newer homes are often not built to last (and always need new roof and HVAC within about 12 years no matter the price range or quality of the construction), are huge, and are always out in a field someplace not near things old people need. Better built and closer to stuff homes tend to be one-owner and need work when they are finally sold, or they are ancient and in run-down parts of town. There is very little in the middle (well-maintained sturdy mid-sized house with walkable community). Actually, there is almost no walkable community anywhere here that isn't run-down. I don't want a fixer-upper or a huge house at retirement age, lol! Also, it means that if we want our mid-aged, built just before houses started being made of cardboard and toothpicks house to sell, we have to make decisions like a future buyer would, not what is best for us. It feels so wasteful! But buyers here are fickle because they know they can just go down the road and have a new cereal box with siding put up in a snap! 

[Jaybee]

This is a poignant thread for me too. We have moved many, many times. We were finally living near family, but were unable to find work there. The work took us miles away again. We are in the process of buying our first house, and we told the realtor we were looking for something that would 1) have good resale value because we don't really plan to retire here--we'd like to move back to the area of the country where most of our family lives, and 2) be suitable to grow old in, in case we stay here after all. We think we have found the right house. It's between 1800-1900 sq. ft, has no steps/stairs, has a walk-in master shower, a small and low maintenance yard, etc. The house itself should be easy to clean and care for. I really like it, but it makes me sad at the same time. If, when we retire, we are able to move back, we will probably go down a little smaller (we still have two at home, currently)--maybe 1400-1500 sq. ft. But this house would not require a move until we cannot live alone any longer. I'd love to have a little bigger yard and live a little further out right now, but am trying to look at the long view. One thing that may be hard in the future is that housing costs are much less here than where family lives, even though COL overall is similar. Just an uneducated guesstimate, but the house we are buying (simple 3/2 ranch) would probably cost at least somewhere between $30-40,000 more where we would move to. It's difficult food for thought. And there is pretty much nil chance of any family moving here who is not already here with us (i.e., the two teens).

[Annie G]

11 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I have never heard that....learn something new every day!

Where we’re from it’s not called a FROG but rather a bonus room.  Such good space!

[AimeeM]

It's foreign to you because you desire to travel and, I assume, live in many different places. I have no such desires, lol. Barring a need to move, I don't anticipate doing so. 

I did tell DH that if, God forbid, something ever happened to him and we couldn't share this home together (he had a health scare not long ago, so it was a prudent discussion at the time), I don't think I'd be able to stay here. I (very literally) have no friends or family in the area. All of my family has moved over the last few years 10+ hours from our area (and, frankly, I am estranged from the majority of them), DH's family is lovely, but they live 12+ hours from us. Slowly, all of my friends have moved to different states for various reasons (one had to follow husband's job; the other needed/desired to be closer to her own parents). 

Honestly, I love our home. It's large (large enough for the kids to keep their bedrooms even after they leave home, and large enough to -- hopefully -- host their future families for the holidays, lol), we've been working to customize it, and it's in a nice neighborhood. However, I really dislike the actual neighborhood (very clique-centered) and I really dislike living in the south in general, although I was born and raised in the south. I much prefer a climate with four seasons ? 

If we ever had to move, I would hope we'd move somewhere closer to DH's family. 

[Ravin]

We still rent. I refuse to buy a house until DH is done with his education so we can be reasonably sure of where we are settling down...though I would as soon live somewhere tiny and urban or rural and travel more, while DH wants to put down roots in a roomy home in the 'burbs, so that's an issue as well. I loathe the suburbs.

[Carol in Cal.]

Re. the advantages of renting--around here rents are so unpredictable and skyrocket so much from time to time that I don't consider it a workable arrangement for retirement.  YMMV, but I look at owning something, even if it is small or otherwise not ideal, as a really important way to keep costs predictable.

[KungFuPanda]

15 hours ago, StaceyinLA said:

Though my husband would be content for this to be our “forever” home, and we did just do an entire remodel which certainly makes me like it a lot better (well, love it actually), I really hope I’m not in my forever state (although I’ve lived in Louisiana my entire life), much less my forever home. I just REALLY want to live somewhere with a more pleasant climate at some point in my life.

I highly doubt that will be the case, but we have talked about buying a condo on the beach, or possibly a place in the mountains at some point. I guess I’d be happy to keep this place if we had another one to enjoy as well.

We do have a great setup here with our property, shop, barn, and nice little guest house; I’d just like it all to be in the mountains somewhere (with Disneyworld and the beach within a short day’s drive). ? 

Soooo, I’ve been reading your screen name as Stacey in L.A. for years now. I see now that you’re nowhere near the west coast. (I made the same mistake with all of the LAX bumper stickers in MD.) I swear I’m not obsessed with Los Angeles!  I’ve never been there!

[J-rap]

15 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

See this is the home we have right now.

That sprawling property takes SO much upkeep. I think we can stay here as long as we're able to maintain it, but eventually, it will be too much to care for. And will be expensive to pay to upkeep. Perhaps a land lease or something would work.

Or if one of our kids builds a house and moves out here.

But the location is marvelous. We're just 30 minutes from major medical things so that's nice too. The house is all one level with one step up to come in. We have a bonus room, but could avoid using those stairs if necessary. Mainly, it depends on where my kids are, how feeble we get how quickly, and whether we want to pay $$$ for land upkeep.

It does sound ideal!  But yeah, the upkeep...  I suppose realistically at some point that would be a problem, unless you could afford to hire a lot of help.

[G5052]

2 hours ago, Patty Joanna said:

One thing I've decided is not to think about *any thing* as being "forever."  

 

I was talking with a friend at church this evening about this. It's good to have a picture of what we think life will be like when we are X years old, but the reality is that some won't get there. And we have to be willing to let go of that and work out something else instead that is still good. That's my lesson for 2018. Be flexible!