Responding To Non HS'ers

[Guest 4boys]

I don't know anyone in real life that homeschools except me. And a few distant cousins I don't have anything to do with (maybe I should). So usually when people find out that we homeschool, they say how nice that is and then give me a list of reasons why they can't. For example: "Oh, my daughter is such a social butterfly, she needs the interaction with kids at public school." Or "It's great if you can do that but I just couldn't, I don't have the patience." Or "It's just a personal choice, some people do that and some people send their kids to public school." (which to me implies that neither is better or worse than the other).

 

I have a hard time responding to these people. I truly believe that homeschooling is far superior to any other type of schooling and that the "reasons" people give me for not doing it themselves are really just excuses. Anyone can homeschool and if anyone looked into it even a little bit, they would see how much better it is for their kids. So I don't buy all the silly cliche lines they give me. And then I don't know what to say. I have been getting by with smiling and nodding but am I doomed to keep doing this the rest of my life? :glare:

 

What do you do when you hear this kind of thing?

[SquirrellyMama]

When people say "You must have a lot of patience" or "I just don't have the patience", I say "I don't either". I usually get a look for that answer. I tell them that I don't have a lot of patience but I am learning the skill. It isn't an excuse that will stop me.

 

Kelly

[Mommy22alyns]

I just do a lot of smiling and nodding. I'm not out there to proselytize or convince anyone to change their minds. Thus far, when I've heard those things, I just chalk them up as the person looking for something (anything) to say. So I smile, nod, and move on. :001_smile:

[klmama]

I think for many people homeschooling really is the best choice. Yet, who am I to tell someone else what is best for her family or the best academic environment for her children? Everyone has to make that choice for themselves. Some women would love to do it, but their dh's don't agree. Some value the benefits their dc receive from learning in excellent schools more than their own desire to be with their dc all day. Some struggle with decision-making and anxiety every day as it is, and they can't imagine how stressful it would be to have to add homeschooling into their lives. I would encourage you to find compassion for these women's concerns and not to feel judgmental because they have chosen a different path than you have.

 

However, you don't have to just blindly smile and nod when they give their reasons. You could say, "I didn't think I'd be able to at first, either, but it's going well and we all enjoy it." "I'm not as patient as I like, either, but it's still working out fine." "My child is social, too, but I find she's able to focus better on learning at home without the distractions of having her friends around. She can see her friends after school."

[Pretty in Pink]

I think for many people homeschooling really is the best choice. Yet, who am I to tell someone else what is best for her family or the best academic environment for her children? Everyone has to make that choice for themselves. Some women would love to do it, but their dh's don't agree. Some value the benefits their dc receive from learning in excellent schools more than their own desire to be with their dc all day. Some struggle with decision-making and anxiety every day as it is, and they can't imagine how stressful it would be to have to add homeschooling into their lives. I would encourage you to find compassion for these women's concerns and not to feel judgmental because they have chosen a different path than you have.

 

 

:iagree: i always smile and say how much we enjoy it and that we feel so blessed to be able to live the lifestyle that we do.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[myfunnybunch]

I smile and nod. Nothing wrong with that. People are usually just making conversation, and trying to imagine how homeschooling would look in their lives. I always assume good intentions unless it's clear that their intentions are otherwise, so a smile and a nod is certainly appropriate in most situations.

 

Or I'll chuckle and say, "Oh, I'm not always patient. But we enjoy learning together."

 

Or "My boys are very social too. That's why we're here at gymnastics/swim/choir and we have playtime with friends and neighbors." Honestly, the social comment does flabbergast me a little--the children are usually participating in a group activity as we're speaking!

 

Or, "You're right. It's not for everyone. But it's working very well for us." Because it's not for everyone. And it's not really our place to judge whether homeschooling would be the best choice for another family (or whether their reasons for not doing so are valid or silly or excuses).

 

Cat

[Pink Fairy]

I usually give the same sort of response as previous posters. I do assume that their intentions are good, but I still think it's rather rude. Would you ever say to someone else "You public school your kids? Really? Gosh, I could never put my kids in public school. How do you deal with all of the _______?" ;)

[Allearia]

I have no question that homeschooling is the best academically and otherwise for my family. I love teaching, planning, my son loves almost everything, and I enjoy it more as we go along. However, lots of people tell me they hate teaching, don't like helping their children with their homework, etc. So it might not be very good for them if they don't like the teaching aspect.

[WTMindy]

"We all just love it. It works really well for our family." Smile....move on. I see no reason to convince anyone else of it. I will say that I get way more positive comments than negative ones.

[Mama Lynx]

Erin,

 

With all due respect ... I used to sincerely believe that anyone could homeschool, and everyone would be benefitted by it. I no longer believe that's true.

 

If someone's genuinely interested, you can share your enthusiasm. If not, they've made choices for their children that they believe in, too. Respect that. Make some shrug-off remark and move on. :)

[WTMCassandra]

. . .but am I doomed to keep doing this the rest of my life? :glare:

 

What do you do when you hear this kind of thing?

 

Yeah, you're pretty much doomed to hear stuff like this indefinitely. I usually smile and nod and say some combination of "It works really well for our family" and "Every family has to do what's best for them."

 

Yes, I do think it's rude and I don't go around dissing their public school choices, but I don't think the reactions are going to change anytime soon, so I try to shrug and move on.

[MIch elle]

Erin,

 

With all due respect ... I used to sincerely believe that anyone could homeschool, and everyone would be benefitted by it. I no longer believe that's true.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

for everyone, just for your family and others who chose to homeschool.

 

Have you looked around at some of the families in this country? Some dc are MUCH better off in school!

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

I just do a lot of smiling and nodding. I'm not out there to proselytize or convince anyone to change their minds. Thus far, when I've heard those things, I just chalk them up as the person looking for something (anything) to say. So I smile, nod, and move on. :001_smile:

:iagree:

 

K

[laurad1125]

So usually when people find out that we homeschool, they say how nice that is and then give me a list of reasons why they can't. For example: "Oh, my daughter is such a social butterfly, she needs the interaction with kids at public school." Or "It's great if you can do that but I just couldn't, I don't have the patience." Or "It's just a personal choice, some people do that and some people send their kids to public school." (which to me implies that neither is better or worse than the other).

 

 

 

One thing I learned when my oldest was a baby it that when people criticize your parenting choices ( I nursed him way longer than many people thought was right) it was more about them than about me. They weren't feeling secure in their own choices so they put mine down (ever so subtly) to make theirs seem better. An adult version of kids making fun of each other on the playground? Once I learned to look at it that way, I felt sorry for them and was much less annoyed by their comments. Then I started to actually mean the "It works for us right now, but I know it's not for everyone" comments I had been giving. :lol:

[Mary in GA]

Well, I do a fair amount of smiling and nodding too. And while I do know a fair number of homeschoolers, our sports and activities bring us most often around people who are overwhelmingly public school. My biggest challenge is the school teachers who just can't fathom that I don't teach to state or national standards.:confused:

[Guest 4boys]

Ok, I guess I wasn't very clear. I realize that there are those who can't and shouldn't homeschool. But I suppose I am frustrated by how many people/families I know that could do it really well and just don't even consider it. They write it off without knowing anything about it. It's that type of person that I need a response for. I don't expect to change their mind and I don't want to offend them, but just say something intelligent that might make them think instead of me feeling like a dummy smiling and nodding and not knowing what to say. Maybe I don't make any sense. Maybe there is no such response. I just want to speak up for what I believe in, that's all.

[Desert Rat]

I'm a smiler and nodder too. Sometimes I do add, "It's not for everyone but it works really well for our situation." I find that most people really are just making conversation and not judgements. I don't want them to feel they need to defend their decisions any more than I would want to defend mine. (And I really hate being cornered and feeling like I have to protect our school!)

[rafiki]

.

[Medieval Mom]

Frankly, I'm happy you're getting THOSE kind of responses. At least you CAN smile and nod. ;)

 

Almost EVERYONE I meet gives me the SOCIALIZATION response. Argh!!!! I can't really smile and nod at that one!:tongue_smilie:

[ELaurie]

If you help your dc with their homework, you're homeschooling too :)

 

The difference is that at our house we call it school, and at your house, you call it homework.

 

The I usually add that not only do they have the added stress of getting their dc up and dressed, making breakfast, remembering their backpacks, and waiting at the bus stop when it's 4 below, while I'm at home in my slippers having a second cup of coffee, but they also have kids who arrive home tired and hungry after school, while I get to teach my dc in the morning when they're fresh and well rested.

 

By then they're usually the ones nodding ans smiling, and it also empowers them to think hmm . . . maybe I could do that. Those who are truly interested will then begin asking about curricula, standardized tests, socialization or other concerns. Those who aren't interested don't pursue it further.

[Jen500]

I'm just glad we have so many options for education- home, public, private, charter, magnet schools. Before I started homeschooling, I met a few hs'ers here and there, and I was never sure what to say!

[emeraldjoy]

I feel extremely blessed to actually have the option to homeschool. My husband and family supports it, we both don't have to work full-time, I have the self-efficacy needed, and the list can go on and on. That is the first thing that I tell people in conversations about teaching my kids at home....and then I simply say how much we love it!!!

e

[Guest 4boys]

Those are good answers!!

[Paintedlady]

When someone gives me the "Oh, I could NEVER do that!," or "I'd never have the patience," routine, I just smile and nod. We are doomed for the rest of our lives, but that's ok. They don't know what they're missing. :D

[Alphabetika]

Smile, nod, then possibly say something like, "Well, if you ever do consider homeschooling, I'd be happy to help you/talk about it/encourage you/etc." This is a step beyond just smiling and nodding but doesn't completely engage, so it's open-ended.

[Alphabetika]

Or, on a snarkier day: "Well, I could never send my kids to traditional school, either, so I guess we're even." :tongue_smilie:

[kalanamak]

I just do a lot of smiling and nodding. I'm not out there to proselytize or convince anyone to change their minds. Thus far, when I've heard those things, I just chalk them up as the person looking for something (anything) to say. So I smile, nod, and move on. :001_smile:

:iagree:

 

More "yep".

[Peela]

I have wondered why many people get ever so slightly defensive when i say I homeschool...as if somehow it threatens them, or reminds them to feel guilty. Everyone is doing their best, homeschooling is not for everyone, many in Australia dont even know its an option, and my enthusiasm about it is not intended to make anyone who chooses to send their kids to school, inferior in any way. There are plenty of good schools.

 

I do love to talk about it though because I had to go through such a barrier to get to the point of homeschooling and I know that barrier is there in most peoples' minds. Kids go to school because that's what they have always done and what all kids do- we are institutionalised in our thinking and it can be HUGE to break out of that. It was for me. So I like to feel I am on the other side of a great divide, and just the fact that I am doing it is threatening to some people, curious to others, positively enticing to others- but I know it's quite a journey to get to the point of actually doing it. I don't expect people to behave differently from how they do, and most of the time I am patient and understanding and dont share any more than I am asked to, politely. I feel that just knowing that homeschooling is a possibility, just by meeting me, is quite shocking and eye opening for many people (and yes I get told I must be very patient etc, and I disagree that that is true)- so I don't expect them to respond well at first. Usually though curiosity gets the better of people and if there is time, we talk more about it.

 

Id be careful about being over zealous though- it is only one option and not the best one for many people. Its just great it is an option for us- and really, its not an option for most families where both parents work, and for many that is not a luxury, that is important just to get by. So homeschooling to me often feels like an incredibly luxury, and not one to be remotely arrogant about. In a better world, we would all have the freedom to homeschool, or send our children to very good schools, or some combination of the two, but we dont live in that world- yet.

[Donna]

I just do a lot of smiling and nodding. I'm not out there to proselytize or convince anyone to change their minds. Thus far, when I've heard those things, I just chalk them up as the person looking for something (anything) to say. So I smile, nod, and move on. :001_smile:

 

:iagree:

[Laura Corin]

Anyone can homeschool and if anyone looked into it even a little bit, they would see how much better it is for their kids.

 

I have a friend who is a very dominant personality - she squashes her children at every turn. She certainly could home educate, but I think her children are better in school.

 

In response to such comments, I usually just say, 'It works for us,' and leave it at that. If someone's interested in finding out why or how it works, then they'll ask more.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[bkpan]

I don't know anyone in real life that homeschools except me. And a few distant cousins I don't have anything to do with (maybe I should). So usually when people find out that we homeschool, they say how nice that is and then give me a list of reasons why they can't. For example: "Oh, my daughter is such a social butterfly, she needs the interaction with kids at public school." Or "It's great if you can do that but I just couldn't, I don't have the patience." Or "It's just a personal choice, some people do that and some people send their kids to public school." (which to me implies that neither is better or worse than the other).

 

I have a hard time responding to these people. I truly believe that homeschooling is far superior to any other type of schooling and that the "reasons" people give me for not doing it themselves are really just excuses. Anyone can homeschool and if anyone looked into it even a little bit, they would see how much better it is for their kids. So I don't buy all the silly cliche lines they give me. And then I don't know what to say. I have been getting by with smiling and nodding but am I doomed to keep doing this the rest of my life? :glare:

 

What do you do when you hear this kind of thing?

 

I realize that you did not intend to be quite so arrogant sounding in your post, but I would encourage you to look closely at your assumptions about homeschooling. Your dc are still very young, and you will change, your dc will change, your family dynamics will change, and your life circumstances WILL change. You do not not know what your future looks like. Nor do you know the intimate family dynamics that take place in other folk's homes.

 

I'm not trying to be hard on you, but really, not everyone can or should homeschool. (You did say that anyone could!). And though I am grateful for the opportunity to hs my kids, I am fairly sure that there are other children out there getting a far superior education than my dc. And I do put my heart and soul into teaching them :)

 

I have had so many faulty assumptions about other's situations through the years (esp. as a young mother - I really thought I was pretty good at this parenting thing :tongue_smilie: then I had more kids, and have been SOOO humbled!) Home schooling isn't much different. Right now it is a blessing for your family. That is wonderful. You do not know how it would play out in someone else's home. And, gently, it is none of your business how other's educate their kids.

 

It really sounds as if your desire is to be helpful. The only way to do that is to enjoy your life and your kids. If someone is interested in what you do, they will let you know. Otherwise, walk under the assumption that everyone else is doing the BEST they can, just like you. So, yes, when they make their comments (not excuses!) about why they don't hs their kids, continue to smile and nod. And affirm them in THEIR choices.

 

I hope this was helpful. It is something I have struggled with through the years.

 

Kim

[michaeljenn]

Well, the responses that the people gave are legitimate. Homeschooling really isn't for everyone. I know many homeschoolers, who ummm, don't homeschool. They are way behind and it shows in social settings... I have to question if homeschooling is best in this particular situation.

 

Also, I noticed that your children are very young. What happens when they turn 12 or 13 and they crave more social interaction... would you maybe consider school?

 

I ask this because, I was so pro-homeschooling while my children were small, and can argue the case as to why homeschooling is best...(which in most situations, it is)... then my older two wanted more social interaction... and my son needed to be accountable to someone else besides just me. It was causing issues in our relationship. So, after much thought, we did what we thought we would never do and put them in school. It has been a blessing for all of us. The academic aspect has been very, very good because we have excellent magnet schools with high standards. The work and projects have been very good. All three of my older kiddo's are really putting in much more effort in their work too.. which makes sense, since they have to show it to someone else besides mom.

 

I just wanted to give the other side, because I have been on both sides. Neither homeschooling or public school is perfect. Each family has to make the best decisions depending upon the child, and season you are in.

 

I do plan to homeschool my younger 2 until they show signs that school may be a better option for them. Also, if we or my children determine that homeschool is a better option for them in the future, we will of course go back to homeschooling.

 

 

Blessings,

Jennifer

[Guest 4boys]

Forgive me for sounding arrogant and judgmental in my first post. I guess I did not think it through before I posted it. I am humbled. But thank you for at least being nice to me in your replies.

[texascamps]

They usually say something like "How do you do it!" or "Wow, don't they miss the other kids?" or "I can't imagine doing something like that!" or something else. No one has ever been rude about it but the insinuation is that its weird.

 

I usually reply. " Yes I know its a big step, bu you know, my husband and I are just hyper-academic and with this global economy now, school just takes up so much time that we feel we don't have the time otherwise to make sure they know what they need to know to survive in this world." They usually pause and think about that, see a little light and then nod. They pause, waiting for more. "My husband is a lawyer, and studied Latin, he's a prolific writer and knows more about the world than anyone I know and he really wants our kids to have a headstart and have a direction in order to compete in this world. I love to throw in that my son has a gift for guitar and writes novels, he'd like to get something published before he's 19. He wouldn't have any time to pursue that stuff if he went to school 8 hours a day."

 

Then it usually goes into the "how do you get started" sort of thing. Very productive.

 

Now this year, we are half in half out of public school because we got into the public school that has the academics we expect (Saxon math, open court reading. AR, Shurley English,an incredible music program and intensive math and writing) But, when we move in two months, I imagine it will be back to the homeschool, because our current public school is not the norm.

 

So, when it comes up, I usually put the blame for homeschooling not on the inadequacies of the PS system but on our own idiosyncratic hyper academic neurosis. Then they can wonder why they aren't more concerned about their own child's place in this global economy.

[ELaurie]

Your reply is very gracious Erin.

 

Peace,

[Haiku]

 

What do you do when you hear this kind of thing?

 

I usually just say, "Yes, well, we are very happy with homeschooling and it's working out very well for us" and leave it at that. It's not my job to convince others to homeschool, and I disagree with your statements that anyone could homeschool and that it would be the best choice for any child. I happen to believe that schools do not provide an optimal environment for kids, but that's because of the values that I hold and the way that schools contradict (or at least do not promote) those values. But other people hold different values, and to them, schools are in line with and promote those values. There are also people who feel that there are benefits AND detriments to schools, but that on balance, the benefits outweigh the detriments for their kids.

 

So I think a noncommital answer is best in situations that are not an overt "tell me more about homeschooling, I'm interested" situation.

 

Tara

[astrid]

I think for many people homeschooling really is the best choice. Yet, who am I to tell someone else what is best for her family or the best academic environment for her children? Everyone has to make that choice for themselves. Some women would love to do it, but their dh's don't agree. Some value the benefits their dc receive from learning in excellent schools more than their own desire to be with their dc all day. Some struggle with decision-making and anxiety every day as it is, and they can't imagine how stressful it would be to have to add homeschooling into their lives. I would encourage you to find compassion for these women's concerns and not to feel judgmental because they have chosen a different path than you have.

 

However, you don't have to just blindly smile and nod when they give their reasons. You could say, "I didn't think I'd be able to at first, either, but it's going well and we all enjoy it." "I'm not as patient as I like, either, but it's still working out fine." "My child is social, too, but I find she's able to focus better on learning at home without the distractions of having her friends around. She can see her friends after school."

 

:iagree:

It's impossible to know the situations of others, and thus, make judgement calls about their educational choices.

 

astrid

[texascamps]

I agree that its not anyone's place to judge or try to influence others into homeschooling. But, often folks want to be convinced. I would never had homeschooled, because I thought it was weird, if it wasn't for meeting others who were positive, reassuring and were able to point out the positives. I would never had asked anyone for details, I was lucky that the women I did meet were forthcoming in their opinions and advice. I just happened upon homeschooled kids and their stories were what convinced me that this was what I was looking for.