Dilemmas of Food and in Consideration of the Other People Expecting to Eat as Well

[marbel]

I don't think within a family it is rude for people to eat what they like and not what they don't like.   

 

When we eat with someone else, whether at our house or theirs, we eat what the cook made.  When we have company, my vegetarian-by-choice daughter does not make herself a smoothie or peel hardboiled eggs for herself at the table, though she might do that at a regular family meal.   (Of course I plan the meal so that there is something she can eat.)

 

On rare occasion my husband will ask for sloppy joes for dinner. No one else likes that.  My son will eat it because it's meat, but I won't and certainly my daughter won't. But I make it because he likes it and sometimes he should get what he likes. I just eat something else that night.  He thanks me for making it. If he was going to make it himself, he'd be happy to do so and wouldn't be offended if the rest of us ate something else, because he knows we don't like it. 

 

 

[Guest]

But that would not be the case if the cook inquires beforehand what people want to eat and takes everybody's preferences into consideration. And if there is still soup for the person with dietary restrictions, cook and person may agree that it is unnecessary for cook to make new food for person, and person can eat the soup instead of cook's meal. It's all about communication.

I would find it inconsiderate aka rude to cook a meal that I know one family member does not eat, without creating an alternative.

Yeah...dh will not cook something drowning in cheese and cream if I am eating it, so he is considerate of my medical issues, but also, when he is cooking the meal, he is bent on having those things he misses that I rarely or never make. In a way, I don’t think I can begrudge him that; he should get to have his pork chops if he wants them. He’s just honestly not that skilled or willing (or both) at mapping out a meal that has the thing he wants as he remembers it but also has some thing I want to eat.

[skimomma]

I am the only cook in my house and we also have an unspoken eat-what-is-served policy, but I also don't cook anything that people dislike enough to cause issue.  There are occasional times that I will cook something I know dd doesn't like and I do prepare something separate for her.  I wait to cook things dh doesn't like until her is out of town, which is frequent.  My contribution to the thread is that I think family rules can be reshaped when circumstances change.  If you take other people's tastes into consideration when you cook, then your family rule is fine.  If someone else does not, then I think it is easy enough to justify serving yourself an alternative.  Especially as your dc are all old enough to understand the difference.

 

As for the rice/quinoa issue, just freeze half of each every other time you make it.  Freeze them in the exact quantity that makes sense for serving a single meal.  I do this with a grain every week as I prefer to make grains in large quantities.  So easy to grab a quart of frozen rice to thaw on the morning I plan to make a stir-fry for dinner.

[marbel]

Yeah...dh will not cook something drowning in cheese and cream if I am eating it, so he is considerate of my medical issues, but also, when he is cooking the meal, he is bent on having those things he misses that I rarely or never make. In a way, I don’t think I can begrudge him that; he should get to have his pork chops if he wants them. He’s just honestly not that skilled or willing (or both) at mapping out a meal that has the thing he wants as he remembers it but also has some thing I want to eat.

 

In that case, I would just cut him some slack and say "great, thanks for making the pork chops; I'll put together a salad and [whatever else is wanted]."

 

I think in a family in which one person generally does all - or nearly all - the meal planning, prep, etc., it's just not going to be that easy for another person to think it through.  I mean, it's not rocket science, but sometimes it's not even easy for me, and I've been doing it for 22+ years now.  

 

Or does he get offended if you add to the dinner?  He's not expecting a dinner of pork chops and nothing else, right?

 

(I did read every post but maybe I missed something?)

[Soror]

Family culture can be tricky. Here, it would be considered a no-go for the person cooking to plan a meal that someone can't eat at least part of or for the cook to skip a major food group that others rely on. So Mr. Chops and Rice here wouldn't make that without vegetables. Just like I wouldn't make a casserole without a plain starch option for the kids here who won't each "touching food"🤣. When we started having the kids help plan and prepare meals we gave them a free hand provided there were at least 2 servings of veggies included. I made a checklist for them when they were picking meals. They learned also that we don't do double starches in most situations so mashed potatoes means no pasta side or rolls.

This is how it goes here too, my kids cook 2 nights and often get their own lunches. They know for lunch they need a veggie and a fruit and supper is two veggies, only 1 starch. I make a lot of modular meals as they were called above because I don't eat as many carbs as the family and I generally avoid dairy. Ds is making pizza tonight so I'm making (dairy free) cauliflower crust for me with lots of veggies. Tuesday the girls made fajitas, I put mine on a salad and had more veggies than meat. I do still make lasagna for the family, I just set aside meat with sauce and serve it with zucchini noodles or baked eggplant if I'm feeling spunky. I'd buy bagged salads or steamable veggies for quick sides to go along with your dh's meals. Oh, and I make baked sweet and regular potatoes as a side for me when the family eats pasta. 

 

Everyone generally eats the same thing here but there is some variance in preference and that is ok. Last night we had salmon, broccoli, mac& cheese, and baked potatoes. The 2 girls had smaller portions of fish because it isn't their favorite and just mac & cheese (no potato). I had salmon, potato, and broccoli. Ds who is at the hungry stage ate everything and dh ate salmon and mac & cheese. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I stopped fretting and cook to please myself.  If the kids don't want it they are free to make something else.  The older one almost always does.  The younger one usually eats it.  DH would rather gnaw on a table than cook so he eats it and never complains.

 

We often do not eat together though because the schedule for everyone is all over the place.  I'm the taxi so I have to work with the various schedules. 

[KungFuPanda]

I don’t think anyone HATES quinoa, but if I make only quinoa and no rice alternative, there’s bitterness all around. I am the only one who wants to eat quinoa and I am the only one who will eat riced cauliflower as a rice substitute. I personally would rather eat the alternatives than eat rice because I think it is important to avoid insulin spikes. My dad is diabetic and my sister was, too. Diabetes scares the hell out of me. That plays a role in my not wanting to eat much rice or potatoes. I would rather eat a lower glycemic index substitute.

Can you make brown rice for everyone? It’s glycemic index is almost the same as quinoa. Cauliflower IS way lower and I can see you being able to feel a difference there, but quinoa hardly seems worth preparing an alternative dish sugar-spike-wise.

[ktgrok]

I think you need to keep some quick and easy food for nights they make something you don't want. And then say you are "eating up some leftovers before they go bad" or whatever. Because you can't on the one hand expect them to eat more like you when you cook, and then also expect them to make food more like what you want when they cook.

 

Can you make extra serving of veggies, or have some that are quick to prepare, and have mostly that plus a small portion of what the others make, on nights they cook? 

 

And no, I don't think expecting them all to give up favorites is going to fly, plus if some of them are working manual labor they probably are fine with the extra calories and may in fact need them. (obviously not the case if they are working desk jobs or whatever). I'd work out a rotation of favorites that you both like and are lighter, favorites they like that don't work for you but you can add a salad or extra veggies too, and newer, lighter meals. I'd try to mostly make ones that have familiar ingredients at least (so vegetable based soup vs cauliflower rice...both have veggies but one is more familiar), with the occasional totally new thing that you try to make on a night where there are leftovers for those that don't care for the newfangled stuff. Then kind of plan out how to rotate those categories. Not strict meal planning but making sure you hit the various categories a certain percentage of the time. So two meals you like, one family favorite, two meals you like, or whatever. 

 

Also, as someone said, you can always keep extra rice or rolls around to feed those that want more of that. 

 

What sugar are they putting in dinner? Farm favorites that have a ton of sugar, in a main course, are stumping me a bit...maybe cornbread and such? (just curious, lol)

[Cosmos]

As for the rice/quinoa issue, just freeze half of each every other time you make it.  Freeze them in the exact quantity that makes sense for serving a single meal.  I do this with a grain every week as I prefer to make grains in large quantities.  So easy to grab a quart of frozen rice to thaw on the morning I plan to make a stir-fry for dinner.

 

That's a really good idea and could probably be extended to some other foods as well to make for some easy "add ons" to meals. I think riced cauliflower freezes well, for example, doesn't it?

 

I would look at it as some days having the "Man Food" with some add-ons to satisfy Quill. And other days having Quill-friendly meals, with some easy add-ons to satisfy the other people (a few baked potatoes? Some grilled chicken from the freezer?). That way it feels like you are all eating the same meal, but are each able to tailor your servings to suit your needs.

[ktgrok]

I don’t think anyone HATES quinoa, but if I make only quinoa and no rice alternative, there’s bitterness all around. I am the only one who wants to eat quinoa and I am the only one who will eat riced cauliflower as a rice substitute. I personally would rather eat the alternatives than eat rice because I think it is important to avoid insulin spikes. My dad is diabetic and my sister was, too. Diabetes scares the hell out of me. That plays a role in my not wanting to eat much rice or potatoes. I would rather eat a lower glycemic index substitute.

 

I'd either plan something totally different so there is no rice or substitute, keep quick cooking rice around for those that want it, or cook it, cool it, and reheat it, which lowers the glycemic index significantly by turning much of the starch in the rice into resistant starch, which is actually pretty good for you. 

 

(I hate both quinoa and cauliflower rice...but I also don't like actual rice that much, lol. But cauliflower subs for potato or rice never work for me, I'd just rather not have it at all). 

 

For the record, potatoes and pasta also make resistant starch when cooled and then reheated. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Although the amount of resistant starch in those items is quite small.  

 

 

 

[Guest]

I think you need to keep some quick and easy food for nights they make something you don't want. And then say you are "eating up some leftovers before they go bad" or whatever. Because you can't on the one hand expect them to eat more like you when you cook, and then also expect them to make food more like what you want when they cook.

 

Can you make extra serving of veggies, or have some that are quick to prepare, and have mostly that plus a small portion of what the others make, on nights they cook?

 

And no, I don't think expecting them all to give up favorites is going to fly, plus if some of them are working manual labor they probably are fine with the extra calories and may in fact need them. (obviously not the case if they are working desk jobs or whatever). I'd work out a rotation of favorites that you both like and are lighter, favorites they like that don't work for you but you can add a salad or extra veggies too, and newer, lighter meals. I'd try to mostly make ones that have familiar ingredients at least (so vegetable based soup vs cauliflower rice...both have veggies but one is more familiar), with the occasional totally new thing that you try to make on a night where there are leftovers for those that don't care for the newfangled stuff. Then kind of plan out how to rotate those categories. Not strict meal planning but making sure you hit the various categories a certain percentage of the time. So two meals you like, one family favorite, two meals you like, or whatever.

 

Also, as someone said, you can always keep extra rice or rolls around to feed those that want more of that.

 

What sugar are they putting in dinner? Farm favorites that have a ton of sugar, in a main course, are stumping me a bit...maybe cornbread and such? (just curious, lol)

Good ideas here.

 

For “sugar,†I mostly mean foods with a high glycemic index. Dh wants potatoes, potatoes, rice, and potatoes. He doesn’t have much imagination for what goes with entres except endless permutations of potatoes and rice.

 

Although I could also mean sugar as in a homemade dessert, but this isn’t a big issue. Nobody here expects dessert every night (though DH did grow up with it), but he does love for me to make a pie or cookies or cake every now and then (maybe once/month). This isn’t a big issue though because obviously nobody makes me eat pie.

[scholastica]

We have wildly varying preferences and sensitivities in our family. There are very few meals that everyone will eat all of. There are 5-6 of us at any given dinner. When I cook, I make enough to always provide leftovers. These are used for lunches and for substitutes at dinner for those who do not like what it being served. If I serve quinoa, only 3 of us will eat it, so I usually heat up the rice from a previous meal. I take all this into account when I meal plan and try to make sure that if I am making a meal that I know someone will not eat all or part of, that there leftovers from or part of a previous meal to sub in. We all eat together most nights and this works for us.

[bolt.]

I think you can adopt a system of serving a 'main thing' (or being served a 'main thing') with optional additions.

 

For you, if someone prepares lasagne or pork chops, the idea would be that you consider that item a side dish. Take a little, say that you are happy with it, but find it heavy or hard to digest these days. You want some! And you do like it! (but you just don't want more than you took.) Fill your plate with a salad, easy hot veggies, or add on a nice broth soup.

 

For others, prepare your lighter stuff, but also prepare optional add ons. (Vegetarian casserole, with optional cheese bread... stir fry with your choice of cauli-rice or true rice... soup and salad, with two kinds of soup and bacon bits for the salad and garlic toast on the side... your choice of mediteranian pasta or beefy mac-and-cheese for those who want it... add fried onions, fried mushrooms, mashed potatoes, sausages, deli meat -- all sorts of things you have no intention of eating as your part of the meal, but you know others will appreciate.) If you are worried about your family's eating habits as well as your own, maybe don't prepare too much of the add-ons, or watch them a little with your kids. You don't need to make things off limits in order to make healthy eating appealing. Eventually you can make the people who want the add-ons responsible to prepare them.

Edited January 4, 2018 by bolt.

[regentrude]

For “sugar,†I mostly mean foods with a high glycemic index. Dh wants potatoes, potatoes, rice, and potatoes. He doesn’t have much imagination for what goes with entres except endless permutations of potatoes and rice.

 

which is what people have eaten for generations.

Quinoa is not native to these parts, and our grandparents would have considered cauliflower a vegetable and not a rice substitute.

There's nothing inherently wrong with the way he wants to eat.

[Guest]

I'd either plan something totally different so there is no rice or substitute, keep quick cooking rice around for those that want it, or cook it, cool it, and reheat it, which lowers the glycemic index significantly by turning much of the starch in the rice into resistant starch, which is actually pretty good for you.

 

(I hate both quinoa and cauliflower rice...but I also don't like actual rice that much, lol. But cauliflower subs for potato or rice never work for me, I'd just rather not have it at all).

 

For the record, potatoes and pasta also make resistant starch when cooled and then reheated.

I have never heard of this or resistent starch before.

 

DH does actually HATE quick-cooking rice, lol. The suggestion of freezing some batches is actually the better option for us.

[Guest]

which is what people have eaten for generations.

Quinoa is not native to these parts, and our grandparents would have considered cauliflower a vegetable and not a rice substitute.

There's nothing inherently wrong with the way he wants to eat.

No, there isn’t. It’s just not what I want to do.

[Laurie4b]

One of my kids had food texture aversions, so I spent years preparing somewhat altered meals for him. For him, nothing could be mixed and sauces of any sort were out (so no soups, stews, chili, casseroles, etc.)  and there were only a few veges he would eat.  So I would make whatever I was making for the family and while preparing it, would make a plain version for him. Eg. : Spaghetti with meat sauce: I would keep a portion of the ground meat separate and serve him plain pasta and ground meat. 

 

In your shoes, I would prepare food the way your family prefers and prepare something similar but lighter for you. Ask whomever cooks on other days to do the same. You aren't asking for a whole different meal, just that your portion be corralled out early in the process. You can keep some salad or other veges in the refrigerator for when you're not going to partake of the main meal or the main vege. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

See I personally don't want to make several sides.  I make 2 veg sides.  I think that's enough.  If someone else wants another side they can make it.  Of course they'll also have to wait until I'm done using the stove.

 

It's funny because when everyone else here cooks, they tend to make one side or no sides.  They realize how much work it is to actually cook 4 different things and they don't do it.  They think nothing of expecting me to do it, but they don't do it.  When the older kid cooks dinner, sometimes the only thing he thinks to make is meat.  No joke.  He runs out of steam when he gets to the sides.  LOL 

[marbel]

No, there isn’t. It’s just not what I want to do.

 

And nothing wrong with that either. 

 

I think it's fine to acknowledge that your tastes and needs are changing, so meals are going to start looking different.  It doesn't mean forcing everyone to eat quinoa or starve (I am not saying that's what you're doing, though it may look that way to the quinoa non-eaters) but just changing the way meals look.  

 

You may find that people will slowly change too, as you add more variety into the mix.  

 

A dinner of pork chops (or other slab o' meat), 2 starches to choose from, or mix together, and 3 vegetables sounds great to me.  

 

For example, I despise quinoa alone (tastes like grass to me) but I have had it mixed with brown rice and green onions in a sort of pilaf and it was great. Maybe others would try that if the components were served separately so they could choose their proportions. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Although five sides and a main?  Who even has a stove large enough for that array?  I refuse to go that crazy.  If the only thing I did was cook maybe....

 

 

[Guest]

See I personally don't want to make several sides. I make 2 veg sides. I think that's enough. If someone else wants another side they can make it. Of course they'll also have to wait until I'm done using the stove.

 

It's funny because when everyone else here cooks, they tend to make one side or no sides. They realize how much work it is to actually cook 4 different things and they don't do it. They think nothing of expecting me to do it, but they don't do it. When the older kid cooks dinner, sometimes the only thing he thinks to make is meat. No joke. He runs out of steam when he gets to the sides. LOL

Yes, exactly. If I served a roast and said - there ya go! I would have many blank stares facing me.

[Guest]

Although five sides and a main? Who even has a stove large enough for that array? I refuse to go that crazy. If the only thing I did was cook maybe....

This is kind of where it turns into a problem for me. Plus it makes me legit nuts if the fridge ends up with seven or so little containers with bits of sides in them. I can get behind the idea of freezing portions of quinoa or rice, so we can all be happy, but things that go into containers in the fridge become a forgettable jumble.

 

I think I just need to haul out a notepad and get some ideas down so I’m not always wondering what to make and what alternatives are available, etc. I really suck at meal planning. I hate it. I did it last year when MIL was with us, but once seasons change and wishes change and needs change, I’m back to feeling like I am bumbling around again. I often have thought DD at college has it so perfect; wish I had those options. Walk into the Great Room when hungry, choose from the vast cuisine choices, someone else cleans up. Great good fortune.

[marbel]

Although five sides and a main?  Who even has a stove large enough for that array?  I refuse to go that crazy.  If the only thing I did was cook maybe....

 

Some vegetables can be raw or in a salad.    1 starch can be bread, or a baked potato.  Or, as others have suggested, freeze cooked rice and quinoa (other grains too), and just microwave them.  

 

I wouldn't be cooking all those things at once on the stovetop!  

 

Sometimes I serve salad in components - greens, an extra raw vegetable or two, dressing, sunflower seeds or some kind of nut.  People take what they want.

 

When we have tacos, there's a bunch of stuff on the table and/or stovetop:  a pan of meat, some refried beans, salad greens, cheese, sour cream, tortillas, salsa, other stuff I'm forgetting now.  I make a taco salad with all the stuff, everyone else puts together a taco/quesadilla/burrito to their liking.

[SparklyUnicorn]

This is kind of where it turns into a problem for me. Plus it makes me legit nuts if the fridge ends up with seven or so little containers with bits of sides in them. I can get behind the idea of freezing portions of quinoa or rice, so we can all be happy, but things that go into containers in the fridge become a forgettable jumble.

 

I think I just need to haul out a notepad and get some ideas down so I’m not always wondering what to make and what alternatives are available, etc. I really suck at meal planning. I hate it. I did it last year when MIL was with us, but once seasons change and wishes change and needs change, I’m back to feeling like I am bumbling around again. I often have thought DD at college has it so perfect; wish I had those options. Walk into the Great Room when hungry, choose from the vast cuisine choices, someone else cleans up. Great good fortune.

 

Yep.  The leftovers will end up in containers all over the fridge, I'll forget about them or nobody will eat them, and then they end up in the trash.  I eat leftovers.  My husband will too.  The kids seem allergic to them.  So if those extra sides are for them, that'll be a waste.

 

Nobody here is useful when it comes to meal planning.  It makes me batty.  If I ask I get, "I don't know".  *sigh*

 

Oh I miss the college cafeteria.  It was freaking awesome.  They had a huge salad bar...various options...I never had to cook or clean.  It was just there.  Magical! 

[LucyStoner]

And if dinner really has no veg every time he makes it, just say, hey, I'm gonna make a salad to go with dinner tonight, okay?

Or: "I've noticed your meals don't often include a green vegetable. Please factor in my need for vegetables when you are picking dinner. There's always (insert easy way to make veggies) available."

Edited January 4, 2018 by LucyStoner

[lmrich]

I guess I don't see anything wrong with you adding to the meal that was cooked so you can add in healthier choices. Eat a bit of what was prepared and a lot of the healthy stuff. I promise, your kids will hardly notice. 

[Hilltopmom]

Well, because if someone has made an actual dinner, it’s pretty rude for one or more people to eat something totally different; it is inconsiderate of the cook’s effort. It’s one thing if it is Leftover Night and we’re all just nuking up whatever bits each wants. But if one person has put in an hour or more making a full meal, it’s rude for other family member to just eat their own separate item.

 

I would definitely stop cooking for everyone altogether if, after making a meal, everyone started heating up or fixing their own thing they want to eat instead.

Yeah but if the person who chose to cook something they know the other person won’t eat (or would prefer not to eat) then I don’t think it’s rude at all.

Maybe you need to work together on the meal planning for the week. So when he says “I’m really in the mood to make lasagna this week on my cooking night†you can say “ok, since I don’t want to eat that, I’ll plan to make extra stir fry the night before so that I can eat that on lasagna night. Maybe you want to make a smaller lasagna, honey.â€

Or-

You both make the usual amount of things you like but then each person eats their preferred item for a few meals.

 

I like to cook a few things for the week when I have time, some I like, some the kid and dh like, some we all like.

So this week I made lentil soup for me (to last for a few meals worth). Then taco rice casserole for everyone. And some pizzas. For the last few nights we’ve eaten together but each has eaten the items they prefer.

 

Tonight it’s mostly gone so I need to cook again.

Edited January 4, 2018 by Hilltopmom

[Sandwalker]

Here's a lot of adaptable meals for those in the same family who eat differently. :)

 

https://www.kitchentreaty.com/category/all-recipes/one-dish-two-ways/

[regentrude]

Although five sides and a main?  Who even has a stove large enough for that array?  I refuse to go that crazy.  If the only thing I did was cook maybe....

 

I don't find that difficult.

One pan two different kinds of roasted vegetables,  one pan of roasted potatoes (both go in the oven), some rice or pasta, a salad. Done. Almost no work.

 

ETA: Any leftovers are eaten throughout the day, or find a new life in form of a soup. I hardly ever have something go bad; I just make sure it gets incorporated into the next meal. Our big cooked meal is lunch; leftovers are very coveted as extras for our (bread based) dinner and are usually gone. DS likes to get a second meal out of lunch leftovers for his dinner or afternoon snack.

Edited January 4, 2018 by regentrude

[BarbecueMom]

I solved this problem by not eating dinner.  Now I really don't care if I can't eat it.  Like tonight, red beans and rice.  I can't eat that, but since I'm not eating anything else either, it doesn't really matter.  I'll make brussel sprouts as a side, which I can't eat at dinner time, but I can reheat tomorrow for lunch.  If I get lazy and skip the brussel sprouts, I'll find something else for lunch tomorrow.

[ktgrok]

I have never heard of this or resistent starch before.

 

DH does actually HATE quick-cooking rice, lol. The suggestion of freezing some batches is actually the better option for us.

 

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-32019176

[hornblower]

So, what do you do to reconcile this?

 

 

 

I don't consider myself the provider or preparer of food for the adults here. People can cook for themselves. I make what I like. If others don't like, they can make what they like.

 

& I think the key here is: we don't control what other adults choose to put in their mouths. If they want to buy a box junk crap and eat it, that's their prerogative. We can tell them why we think it's a bad idea. We can ask them to read a specific book or watch a specific documentary (& fwiw, in my family, if someone asks this, you do it. It's part of the relationship rules that you try to listen and learn to what the other people are saying. You don't have to agree but if someone asks you to think about something, you do it)  We might also discuss finances if that is an issue as well...but ultimately, I think the best thing is to step back and do your own thing. 

 

That doesn't mean you don't eat together - you can still eat dinner together but the meals might be different. No biggie.

 

The only time it was a bigger issue is when children were young and then we spent more time being careful and on the same page as to what the meals would look like and what food we'd have available. 

 

 

[LucyStoner]

My husband can not efficiently plan and execute getting several dishes on the table at once. At least not before some unholy late hour for dinner (and trust me, with four kids living here it seems all the later when he gets bogged down in the kitchen and takes forever). I either cook with him or he makes a one pot type meal and throws cut fruit, bagged salad and/or crudités down on the table as his side for his perfectly prepared entree. But even he knows to include items all can eat. And my kids know how to plan meals with veggies. So I am guessing the the OP's husband can adjust a little.

Edited January 4, 2018 by LucyStoner

[Guest]

I guess I don't see anything wrong with you adding to the meal that was cooked so you can add in healthier choices. Eat a bit of what was prepared and a lot of the healthy stuff. I promise, your kids will hardly notice.

No, there’s nothing wrong with it, and I don’t think it matters to the kids at all. It just annoys me some because I’m not really getting a night off cooking duties, KWIM?

[regentrude]

No, there’s nothing wrong with it, and I don’t think it matters to the kids at all. It just annoys me some because I’m not really getting a night off cooking duties, KWIM?

 

You could prepare an extra large portion of the foods you want, save it, and eat that on the days they cook. That way you have your night off cooking and get to eat what you like.

[Sandwalker]

Red and purple skinned, and, other colored potatoes tend to have a lower GI than the regular russet type white ones. Of course sweet potatoes are fantastic, if they like those. Brown basmati rice has the lowest glycemic index.

 

Personally I don't worry about GI of my food, and luckily we are all healthy and normal weight, blood sugar, etc at this time.

[katilac]

You and dh want to eat quite different things. 

 

You and dh both cook. 

 

You think everyone needs to eat what the cook provides, at least while children are at home. 

 

This is boxing out all of the solutions. You need to change your approach to meals, or resign yourself to five more years of being annoyed. 

 

Something has to change. If you are absolutely set on people eating what the cook provides, then the cook needs to provide more choices in this family. It's easy to make quinoa one time, and eat it in various ways throughout the week. It's easy to make a bigger pot of soup and grab some to add to the meal. If people don't eat leftovers, then make less of each item. How much rice did y'all traditionally make? Reduce that by 20% to account for you not eating it, and you won't have any more leftovers than you did before. If the additional side dish is something the others will eat also, reduce the rice even more. 

 

Spend some time truly thinking about why you have the family meal rules and traditions that you do. Then consider whether those rules and traditions make sense now. Ponder what is truly rude and what is not. Your dh made pork chops because he likes them, and he's aware that they aren't a favorite of yours. Is it rude to not eat the pork chops someone made to please themselves? I would say no, no more than it's rude for them to not eat the quinoa you make to please yourself. I mean, I'm eating low carb right now, but I'm still not eating quinoa no matter how often dh makes it! 

 

Yes, this process may involve the words "I was wrong" at some point, lol. Or it might be much easier than you imagine, because no one else cares nearly as much. 

 

If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.  

[Laura Corin]

No, there’s nothing wrong with it, and I don’t think it matters to the kids at all. It just annoys me some because I’m not really getting a night off cooking duties, KWIM?

 

I agree with Regentrude that you can just make extra and eat it the next day. 

 

Does your spouse realise that you look forward to the night off?  It took Husband and I ages to work out that when he got the charcoal grill out (which used to be the only time he cooked) I didn't appreciate being asked to do all the sides.  For him, grilling was a fun, communal activity, whereas I was just desperate for a rest.

[Sandwalker]

Yep. The leftovers will end up in containers all over the fridge, I'll forget about them or nobody will eat them, and then they end up in the trash. I eat leftovers. My husband will too. The kids seem allergic to them. So if those extra sides are for them, that'll be a waste.

 

Nobody here is useful when it comes to meal planning. It makes me batty. If I ask I get, "I don't know". *sigh*

 

Oh I miss the college cafeteria. It was freaking awesome. They had a huge salad bar...various options...I never had to cook or clean. It was just there. Magical!

I just throw everything in a pot and make a stew/soup. :)

[LucyStoner]

You could prepare an extra large portion of the foods you want, save it, and eat that on the days they cook. That way you have your night off cooking and get to eat what you like.

Yes. And her husband could learn to throw some veggies in a steamer. If my 8 year old son can, a grownass man can.

[TravelingChris]

I am so looking forward to having our house back to just dh and me.  We want and can take eating much less- more vegetables, less starch, etc.  But currently we have somewhere between 4 and 6 people here.  Two of the regular people, who will hopefully be moving out in a month and a half, want to eat much more than dh and me.  If one of them cooks, we have so much food left over.  That one is a diabetic but refuses to really eat like one- i.e. his usual drink of choice at home is a very large cup of juice- much more than either dh and I would ever drink at one time and we are not diabetic.  He also loves to fish but doesn't like fish.  I love fish and think it is also very healthy to eat.  I also don't mind vegetarian meals and neither does my husband but some others here do.  So yesterday, dh made dinner- chicken breast with onions and parsley and broth over noodles and Italian green beans.  But then son arrived and ate so there was not that much for other dd and her husband.  So they ended up making a pizza and of course, leaving stuff for me to clean.  I have just given up.  I make what I or dh wants and if anyone doesn't want it. they can get some food themselves.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I just throw everything in a pot and make a stew/soup. :)

 

But "I" don't eat starchy sides.

 

Not even if they are in a soup.  So I simply don't make them.  If they want them they have to make them. 

[Sandwalker]

But "I" don't eat starchy sides.

 

Not even if they are in a soup. So I simply don't make them. If they want them they have to make them.

Well, quinoa and leftover low GI veggies make a decent soup! :)

 

Like this (can leave out carrots if they are carby) http://allrecipes.com/recipe/228494/quinoa-and-vegetable-soup/

 

Orhttps://www.budgetbytes.com/2016/09/garden-vegetable-quinoa-soup/

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well, quinoa and leftover low GI veggies make a decent soup! :)

 

Like this (can leave out carrots if they are carby) http://allrecipes.com/recipe/228494/quinoa-and-vegetable-soup/

 

Orhttps://www.budgetbytes.com/2016/09/garden-vegetable-quinoa-soup/

 

The discussion was what do we do to please everyone?  We make a bunch of separate sides so stuff isn't mixed together.  So then we wondered what do we do with the leftover separate sides.  And the answer is to dump them together.  Except we are back to where we started.

 

I hate quinoa and it's not a low carb food anyway.

 

I won't eat the starches and my picky kid won't eat the vegetables.  So mixed foods don't work.  So I gave up on trying to please people, and I cook to please myself.  Picky kid makes his own food.  That's been my solution. 

[Clemsondana]

In our house, we love having bits of leftovers because they let people choose their side. I plan for it - it would not be unusual for me to make something like pork chops and potatoes and then let everybody choose their own side from leftovers that we have available. Some would be small containers of leftovers, and others might be something that I made a big batch of, intending for it to be a side for anybody who wanted it during the week (squash soup is common in the winter, marinated cucumbers are common when the garden is producing). If somebody chose more leftover than new food, that's fine, too. And, I second the roasted veggie suggestion. We like roasted broccoli and asparagus, which are quick and take no prep. One of our favorite 'home from co-op and need to head to the ball field' meals is for me to either fix something quick like salmon or use leftover bits of meat that I saute to heat up, a pot of quinoa or couscous (and your family could use leftover rice or even mashed potatoes) and a pan of roasted veggies. There's no prep to the veggies if I buy bagged cut broccoli - I toss in a pan, dash on some olive oild, and sprinkle some salt and pepper and stick it in the oven.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think in part the heart of the matter is feeling guilty that I'm not pleasing everyone.  I got over it.  I can't please everyone and since I do all the work, I please myself.  The compromise is I buy the foods other people would like to have and they make it themselves.  Right now older kid wants Hamburger Helper so that's what he is making himself.  I don't have to make it AND the food I'm willing to eat all at the same time and we are both happy.

 

 

[Sandwalker]

The discussion was what do we do to please everyone? We make a bunch of separate sides so stuff isn't mixed together. So then we wondered what do we do with the leftover separate sides. And the answer is to dump them together. Except we are back to where we started.

 

I hate quinoa and it's not a low carb food anyway.

 

I won't eat the starches and my picky kid won't eat the vegetables. So mixed foods don't work. So I gave up on trying to please people, and I cook to please myself. Picky kid makes his own food. That's been my solution.

Wow, I beg your pardon for misunderstanding.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Wow, I beg your pardon for misunderstanding.

 

No, but this is the discussion.  How do we please everyone.  One doesn't want to eat this thing..the other wants that thing.  So the answer was make this wide variety of sides.  But this is very unpractical if we end up with bits of leftovers that don't get eaten. 

 

I didn't mean to sound nasty.  It's just these are the difficulties when dealing with so many food needs/wants/likes/dislikes.  There is no simple answer. 

[Carol in Cal.]

I think I would make it very easy to get a big salad onto the table, and I would ask him to always include a salad in the meat/potatoes meals.  If he didn't, I would make it myself.

 

Part one:  Making it easy--

1.  Keep bagged, clean greens of several kinds around

2.  Keep several good salad dressings around

3.  Keep sliced radishes, celery, and carrots around

4.  Ditto nuts

5.  Maybe ditto small chunks of sharp cheddar cheese or a package of blue cheese crumbles

 

Part two:  Get it out there--

Put dressing in the bottom of a bowl.  Add the sliced/chunked cheese and veg.  Add greens.  Toss thoroughly.  Sprinkle with nuts.  If this takes more than 3 minutes I'd be very surprised.