PrairieSong Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 A young couple in our family got married in 2016 and wanted to use old hardback books as part of their centerpiece decorations. It was a big wedding and they wanted a stack of three books per table. I offered to loan them 100 books. I made sure my name was written inside each one. Even so, when we cleaned up after the reception I didn't get all my books back and didn't realize it until later. Apparently some of mine got mixed in with another person's books. First, the bride thought they were at her mother's house and then she thought they must be at a friend's house. These were not rare first editions or anything but I still would like them back. I've asked two or three times in 18 months. What kind of peeves me is that no one seems to care to make much of an effort to find and return them. If I had lost someone's books or some other possessions and was asked about it by the owner, I'd be making phone calls trying to track them down. My husband warned me that this could happen. I didn't think it would because my name was in them. Ah well. Lesson learned, I guess. Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I'd email the list of titles and ask the couple to forward the email to the two people who need to find them. It's okay to say you want your books back. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth86 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Yeah, this is the same reply to the post about splitting the cost of money with people. Literally the only person I will loan anything to is my mom. Can't count on anyone anymore. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 I'd email the list of titles and ask the couple to forward the email to the two people who need to find them. It's okay to say you want your books back. Right, but I didn't write down all the titles. I remember some but I'm not sure about all of them. I thought of doing that but then just ended up making sure my name was inside, and how many I loaned. Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Yeah, this is the same reply to the post about splitting the cost of money with people. Literally the only person I will loan anything to is my mom. Can't count on anyone anymore. Yep I am so sorry this happened to you. I am the kind of person who is who would have gotten them back the next morning even if it was my wedding. That stuff just eats me alive and I have to do it. You do learn who you can trust, that is the only pro. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Sitting here looking at some book boxes, I can't imagine how someone has an extra 100 books and doesn't realize it; I would be wanting to free up that space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 The age old problem. For as long as people have had writing, they've been writing curses in books to strike down those who would steal those books from them! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Sitting here looking at some book boxes, I can't imagine how someone has an extra 100 books and doesn't realize it; I would be wanting to free up that space. No one has all 100 books. They have eight I think. I recognized my books when we were cleaning up. They are like friends. Still, I did check that my name was in them just in case someone else had the same book. If I had someone else's books I think I would realize it right away, even if it were only a few. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Since you don't have all the titles written down, could you just send out an e-mail to those that were in charge, and say that you never received them all back and would everyone please check their books (remind them your name is in all of your books)? It would bug me to no end. Like some others have said, I have learned not to loan out property or money. Knowing these are hardback books makes it even more painful to me. I hope you are able to get at least some of them back, even after all this time. The bride's family was in charge of the decorating. We're related to the groom so I don't have email addresses for those in charge, and it makes it all the more awkward that I don't really know them. I asked the MOG (to whom we are related) but all she could do was ask the bride. We went to her baby shower about four months ago and so I thought I'd ask one more time. The bride's mother said she didn't have them. The bride said, I think maybe so-and-so has them. I'll have to ask. And that's the last I heard. We live a few hours apart so I don't see them much. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Sorry that your kindness in loaning the books wasn’t appreciated by having all your books returned. You are very justified in feeling frustrated and I totally understand your need to vent. Hope venting makes you feel better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skyday Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Is it possible other guests thought maybe the books were a wedding favor? I know how frustrating it is to lend things in good faith and never get them back. I've stopped loaning books to people because I never receive them back. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Is it possible other guests thought maybe the books were a wedding favor? I know how frustrating it is to lend things in good faith and never get them back. I've stopped loaning books to people because I never receive them back. All the tables I saw still had three books on them. Each stack of three had twine tied around them so they would have had to untie the twine or take the whole stack. It's possible but not too likely. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in SJ Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 We did a similar table topper for dds wedding in 2016, but I refused to borrow or even use my own books. We bought books at the library sales for a nickel to a quarter per book. We needed 90 books all together. We removed paper covers, painted the spines and then wrote lovely things on them in gold paint pen. Dd was being a bridezilla one of the days we were finding books, so I amused myself by putting inappropriate books in the pile for her to decide if she wanted it. I found a hard back Kama Sutra that I slipped into her pile. Her face was priceless. OK. Back on track. It is pretty rude of them not to get your books back to you. I am sorry this happened and I hope your wandering books find their way home :) Amber in SJ 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Oh that would bug we me like crazy. I have a book loaned out to someone right now to and I have a feeling I'm not getting it back either. :( I'd be tempted to ask the groom to pay you some $$$ for the books. That might prompt them to find them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I'd probably forget about it, but first I'd take great joy in imagining to send a note that said something to the effect of, "Since you promised to return the books I loaned you, but haven't in the past 18 months, you now owe me the value of the books. The fee is $50 per book, 8 volumes are missing, that will be $400. if you don't return the books or the $400 to me in the next 30 days you will be served with a lawsuit." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 :grouphug: If this is going to continue to bother you I would pursue it so it doesn't cause hard feelings long term. The bride may not truly realize how much the books meant to you and may be assuming that if you were willing to lend out those books as decorations that they weren't all that important to you. Write her a letter. Things in writing sometimes have more weight. Write her a polite but firm letter explaining that you really want the books back, you have been patient, but you need her to find those books. Reiterate that your name is in them and you think you are missing 8. Ask her to contact you as soon as she locates the books. If she realizes how much they mean to you, she may put more effort into their location. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 No one has all 100 books. They have eight I think. I recognized my books when we were cleaning up. They are like friends. Still, I did check that my name was in them just in case someone else had the same book. If I had someone else's books I think I would realize it right away, even if it were only a few. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk That makes more sense; I can see how it is very frustrating not to get the books back. I can imagine that on the day of the wedding returning large stacks of books to the proper owners was probably not top of mind for the bride's family. My mom still tells the story--almost 60 years later--how my dad went to pick up a table that was being borrowed from Aunt Agnes on their wedding day. He was very frustrated at how the woman kept him waiting so long with small chit chat over coffee before he had to ask for the table on such a busy day. It wasn't until Aunt Agnes called to ask why no one had picked up the table, that he realized that he thought Aunt Aggie was Aunt Agnes--he had no idea that Aunt Maggie's name was Agnes. Just making a reminder to myself if DD ever gets married, not to be planning on borrowing things I can't make sure that I can return to the rightful owner easily--especially relatives of the in-laws to be. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Oh that would bug we me like crazy. I have a book loaned out to someone right now to and I have a feeling I'm not getting it back either. :( I'd be tempted to ask the groom to pay you some $$$ for the books. That might prompt them to find them! Asking for money would only cause hard feelings. Honestly, I was worried that some food or drink could get spilled on them. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't get several back at all. I hope you get your book back! Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 That makes more sense; I can see how it is very frustrating not to get the books back. I can imagine that on the day of the wedding returning large stacks of books to the proper owners was probably not top of mind for the bride's family. My mom still tells the story--almost 60 years later--how my dad went to pick up a table that was being borrowed from Aunt Agnes on their wedding day. He was very frustrated at how the woman kept him waiting so long with small chit chat over coffee before he had to ask for the table on such a busy day. It wasn't until Aunt Agnes called to ask why no one had picked up the table, that he realized that he thought Aunt Aggie was Aunt Agnes--he had no idea that Aunt Maggie's name was Agnes. Just making a reminder to myself if DD ever gets married, not to be planning on borrowing things I can't make sure that I can return to the rightful owner easily--especially relatives of the in-laws to be. Love the Aggie/Maggie/Agnes story. [emoji4] Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Asking for money would only cause hard feelings. Honestly, I was worried that some food or drink could get spilled on them. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't get several back at all. I hope you get your book back! Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk But, right now it's causing hard feelings with you. They are the ones that should feel bad about this. They asked to borrow them for decor for their wedding and haven't tracked down your property. I'd have no problem telling them the books cost this much to replace and how would like to handle that. I bet they'd move a little faster on finding them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I am sorry and I hope you get the books back. It's not a fun lesson to learn. :( You shouldn't have to. Alas... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Do you know what 8 are missing? It may be easier to ask the other book-owner to find 8 books by titles than to try and ask someone to go through their shelves looking book by book for names written in them. If not, maybe you need to ask for the contact info of the person and contact them yourself. Offer to come look for signatures if needed. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I'm so sorry. That's terrible. In your shoes, I'd have to make one more try, directly speaking with the bride, to find them, and then forget I loaned those books to keep the friendship. I bet they are completely lost; I bet they went to somebody's garage and then that person KonMaried them to Goodwill. I wouldn't send a letter; it's too formal, and if she can't get the books back, I think she'd feel the bridge was burned in writing. I'd get the bride's email address and send her an email, or call her on the phone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I would ask for so-and-so's contact information so that I could pursue it directly. Then it is just phone call, or if you are lucky a car ride. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Ugh, I'm sorry, that would make me angry too. :grouphug: If this is going to continue to bother you I would pursue it so it doesn't cause hard feelings long term. The bride may not truly realize how much the books meant to you and may be assuming that if you were willing to lend out those books as decorations that they weren't all that important to you. Write her a letter. Things in writing sometimes have more weight. Write her a polite but firm letter explaining that you really want the books back, you have been patient, but you need her to find those books. Reiterate that your name is in them and you think you are missing 8. Ask her to contact you as soon as she locates the books. If she realizes how much they mean to you, she may put more effort into their location. I like the idea of a letter but I can imagine a reaction of "how important can the books be to her if she doesn't know the titles and isn't sure how many there are?" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Can you get the email address of the other person who had books there? Then email them the exact list of titles you're looking for. I can see that 100 books would be easy to lose track of at a big event, but the bride and groom's families should really be helping you get them back! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 (edited) Do you know what 8 are missing? It may be easier to ask the other book-owner to find 8 books by titles than to try and ask someone to go through their shelves looking book by book for names written in them. If not, maybe you need to ask for the contact info of the person and contact them yourself. Offer to come look for signatures if needed. Agreed. If I had to go through every book in my house looking inside front covers, I'd rather pay you money to replace them. And honestly the books may not be in those people's houses either. Hardcover books used as decoration -- i"d have gotten stuff from goodwill and donated them back there afterward rather than risk my own books not coming back afterward.And even if they took them home, in 18 months they probably decluttered at LEAST once -- in which case your books may have ended up in the Goodwill box because they didn't recognize them/didn't remember reading them. Just to get out of the house. I loan my Mitford series paperbacks to my sister for my niece to read a while back -- and never got them back. I am quite sure I indicated they were a loan. But-- at this point I'm writing them off. Even though it is the THIRD time I will have to purchase them (I also got rid of them when we moved Washington-->Texas) Luckily they are easy to find cheap. Edited January 3, 2018 by vonfirmath 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 I'm so sorry. That's terrible. In your shoes, I'd have to make one more try, directly speaking with the bride, to find them, and then forget I loaned those books to keep the friendship. I bet they are completely lost; I bet they went to somebody's garage and then that person KonMaried them to Goodwill. I wouldn't send a letter; it's too formal, and if she can't get the books back, I think she'd feel the bridge was burned in writing. I'd get the bride's email address and send her an email, or call her on the phone. Yes, I think they're most likely gone for good. What I should have done is Konmaried my own books and loaned those, ones I was going to donate anyway. Then whatever ones I got back I could donate, and any I didn't get back, well it wouldn't matter. I would feel strange getting contact info for a person I don't even know, who most likely lives hours away from me, and calling her about a few books whose titles I don't completely remember. Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Can you get the email address of the other person who had books there? Then email them the exact list of titles you're looking for. I can see that 100 books would be easy to lose track of at a big event, but the bride and groom's families should really be helping you get them back!But I didn't write down the titles! I now wish that I had, but at the time I didn't want to take the time so I just made sure my name was written in each one. Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Do you know what 8 are missing? It may be easier to ask the other book-owner to find 8 books by titles than to try and ask someone to go through their shelves looking book by book for names written in them. If not, maybe you need to ask for the contact info of the person and contact them yourself. Offer to come look for signatures if needed. Unfortunately, I don't know all the titles. I remember a couple. The person lives at least two hours away from me, I think in the town where the wedding was but I'm not positive. Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 But I didn't write down the titles! I now wish that I had, but at the time I didn't want to take the time so I just made sure my name was written in each one. Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk Even so, if you can get the email address of the other book person, she might be able to recognize books that aren't hers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Ugh, I'm sorry, that would make me angry too. I like the idea of a letter but I can imagine a reaction of "how important can the books be to her if she doesn't know the titles and isn't sure how many there are?" I agree. Still, the bride made a commitment to returning the borrowed property and didn't follow through. I'm not sure she realizes that the OP really did care about the remaining books, even if now OP can no longer remember all of the titles. The letter (or maybe an e-mail) would still seem more official and might carry more weight, regardless. I think OP, to try and resolve this so it doesn't fester, needs to convey clearly how much she would appreciate the return of her remaining books. Maybe she never gets them all back but if she makes it clear that she would like the bride to try one more time she might get a few more back. At this point, though, if even 2-3 came back I would thank the bride for her efforts and probably drop it after that. Just to be clear, though, I wouldn't write that letter unless I genuinely wanted these books back, not just because they were my books but because I wanted THESE books. I also agree with another poster that it might help to ask for the contact info of the other person that might have the books and talk with them directly. Bride may be embarrassed to ask them to look again but OP might be able to shoot them a polite e-mail or make a phone call to simply ask them to check their shelves one more time. If the person has a lot of books the books probably just got shoved onto a shelf and they really didn't realize it wasn't their book. Or maybe they really didn't realize that the book was wanted back by the original owner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 (edited) How frustrating. I’d consider them gone and move on. I’ve had at least that many books borrowed individually or in a set and never returned. (If I count all the books in the mixed sets of Bob Books I loaned to someone, it would be 30+.) I no longer loan books to anyone. If I pass one along to anyone now, I consider it a donation. Edited January 3, 2018 by Word Nerd 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 How frustrating. I’d consider them gone and move on. I’ve had at least that many books borrowed individually or in a set and never returned. (If I count all the books in the mixed sets of Bob Books I loaned to someone, it would be 30+.) I no longer loan books to anyone. If I pass one along to anyone now, I consider it a donation.Well, it wasn't all 100. It was eight books. I agree that it is best to forget it and move on. I'll consider them a donation from now on. I won't give a book to someone else that I really want back. Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Well, it wasn't all 100. It was eight books. I agree that it is best to forget it and move on. I'll consider them a donation from now on. I won't give a book to someone else that I really want back. Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I have a strict policy of never loaning books, to the point that if someone wants to read one of my books, I go buy them their own copies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Look for replacements of the couple of titles that you remember. Getting those for yourself will be a nice New Year’s present. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 The age old problem. For as long as people have had writing, they've been writing curses in books to strike down those who would steal those books from them!😂😂😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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