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Dirty Kids? What do you do?


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Okay, I am the mother of dirty kids, there I have said it. I am however fed up with it and would like some suggestions from others. My kids range for 14 down to 8, but their personal hygenie (sp?) is well nasty. My sons esspecially, they are the oldest. Continually having ingrown toenails, and as teens a dirty face is not a good thing, they are constantly having to be told to shower when dirty, and well just all of it. I USE to do these things for them but of course as they got older I stopped and they took over. Now, I don't feel right being in the bath with any of them but man it's like they forgot how to clean their bodies and if what I can see is that bad, what about the places I can't see look like? Any thoughts or great ideas to get them clean short of doing it myself again. Which as we know isnt' really an option with any but the 8 yearold. Thanks in advance.

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Can't you just tell them that they must be clean?

 

I don't understand taking kids out looking gross. Occasionally one of my younger kids will slip by me with a worn out t-shirt on, if they are wearing a jacket I might miss that they are a mess for example. But consistently dirty or sloppy? I don't think so. I just don't allow it.

 

Just say "No, you cannot look that way. Clean up, Kid!!!"

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I never allowed our children to come to the table dirty, so that kinda headed that whole problem off. I give everyone a quick looking over before we head out. Also my children all get up and shower and get dressed in fresh clean clothes in the morning and all shower before heading off to bed.

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Any thoughts or great ideas to get them clean short of doing it myself again. Which as we know isnt' really an option with any but the 8 yearold.

 

Actually, I would suspect that the threat of doing it yourself would motivate the older two! :D ("You have twenty minutes. Go into the bathroom. Strip. Shower--with soap and shampoo. Make sure you pay extra attention to the hot spots"--this is where you gesture to the appropriate locations on the body--"Rinse well. Dry. Put clean clothes on. If you do any of those to a standard lower than mine, I will be redoing it for you.")

 

Other ideas: set a day of the week for a family inspection of slightly less private hygiene issues. Friday is mani-pedi day. All kids must present their finger- and toenails for inspection and rectify any problems you detect. In front of you.

 

Fifteen-minute warnings before leaving the house: "We are leaving in fifteen minutes. In thirteen minutes, you will present yourselves clean and appropriate dressed and shod. If you do not meet with my approval, you will be staying home!" This threat is only good when they actually want to be going with you. If it's somewhere they have to go, do something else. "We are leaving in fifteen minutes. In ten minutes, you will present yourselves (yadda yadda yadda). If you do not meet with my approval, I will wash and dress you myself. And if you make us late, (insert some other reasonable threat here)."

 

You've been telling them for awhile now (by not forcing them to behave otherwise) that their hygiene is perfectly acceptable. You'll have to make it an issue that you're willing to make a stink (ahem) about if you want to tell them something different.

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Sign them up for a twice a week swimming session at the YMCA. Chlorinated pools work wonders for dirty kids!

 

Other ideas:

 

Require them to bathe daily or twice daily until they get the message. Literally bathe -- not shower. They have to fill the tub, and soak in it for a set amount of time. You set the timer. Then, they have to drain the tub and shower, in order to wash off the grime, and get their heads clean. This is a wasteful exercise, environmentally. If it is partnered with tub scrubbing for a job done poorly, they will hopefully get the message quickly

 

Get some books on personal hygiene and make them read them. Test them on their knowledge.

 

Or, if you want to try the "gross out" approach, add a read about all the microorganisms that live on our bodies. Eyelash mites...skin mites....now these critters live on all of us. But, if your teen gets a load of some of those magnified images, maybe, just maybe, it will make a difference.

 

I dunno, really. I have girls...and girls have the opposite problem. At a certain point, you figure they'll miss the next Presidency altogether because they never made it out of the bathroom!

 

Good luck!

Doran

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, I will be redoing it for you.")

.

 

We do this with our 12 year old. Not just threaten it, we DO it.

 

When his hair is flakey from not washing it correctly he has to put on his swim trunks and get in the shower. Dh goes in there and personally scrubs his scalp with tea tree shampoo until it tingles.

 

And I have told him that if comes out of the shower smelling the way he did when he went in, I am coming in there to clean him up. Even those parts. He knows I will do it too.

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I was having this problem with my oldest. I tied any fun activity (for him this means screen time) to his chores, which includes personal hygiene. He must take a shower, brush his teeth, and be clean before bed - if not, no screen time at all. We're still working on the nails issue, but at least they're clean. :)

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Mine's 15 and goes from bathing every day one week to forgetting we even *have* a shower the next. I figure he's old enough, I shouldn't have to tell him to bathe. Especially now that it isn't just plain 'ol dirty kid, but we've got "boy stink" on top of that. (Ugh!!)

 

I don't say a word to him. But if he's going to go anywhere with me, or do anything with his friends, he's going to be clean or he won't go. I don't give him advance warning, either. I want him to get into the habit of bathing before he goes to bed or when he gets up in the morning.

 

His face is really breaking out now, too, and if he bathes every day, it really does help. So there's a bit of motivation for him.

 

But I think kids just don't notice -- I know I didn't when I was a kid. My mother walked past me one day and made some kind of rude remark -- I was floored, embarrassed -- I had no idea what she was talking about!

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Sign them up for a twice a week swimming session at the YMCA. Chlorinated pools work wonders for dirty kids!

 

Get some books on personal hygiene and make them read them. Test them on their knowledge.

 

Doran

 

Yes, this has helped mine. However, my eldest, who is the one who hates to shower (but then takes a very long time in the shower being very meticulous) needs more than that since her hormones stepped up a notch. I order her into the shower several times a week for the remaining days when she doesn't swim. However, I suspect that soon she'll be in the shower ever day because she wants to be as she's going to be 13 in the spring.

 

The reading also helped my 9 yo who is much better about everything except combing her hair, and ds is very consciencious about almost everything in life so no trouble so far. I won't take my kids out if they look dirty.

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Your kids shower twice a day? Our skin would dry up and flake off if we did that.

 

Of course, my kids are younger (11, 10, and 2). They don't stink yet. :o

 

Are twice a day showers in my future? I'm trying to imagine what a kid would do in bed at night that would make him dirty enough to need another shower in the morning.

 

Just curious. Not trying to blast you for having clean children! :)

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I had ingrown toenails as a kid. Tell them not to cut the nails, just let them grow out. Also don't cut the toenails as often as the fingernails, every two or every three times they do the fingers they do the toes.

 

As for being dirty, no advice, fire hose maybe if a hydrant is availible.

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Your kids shower twice a day? Our skin would dry up and flake off if we did that.

 

Of course, my kids are younger (11, 10, and 2). They don't stink yet. :o

 

Are twice a day showers in my future? I'm trying to imagine what a kid would do in bed at night that would make him dirty enough to need another shower in the morning.

 

Just curious. Not trying to blast you for having clean children! :)

 

Sweat...thats what they do at night. My eleven year old is a big sweat ball at night. He always has been. Even if it is cold and he has no covers. He gets it from dh. Right now he showers in the morning daily, but there are days when he needs two.

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My mom always just made us shower every morning, starting when we were about 8. So for that 8 year old, if you begin to train him/her right now you won't have this problem later. For us, showering included clipping and cleaning nails, and washing faces, etc.

 

The older ones need an incentive. If they're used to being funky it doesn't bother them. I am friends with a dirty family and none of them are bothered by it because they're used to it. Even the mom only showers twice a week.

 

So you have to realize that your dc don't feel dirty. To them, they are fine. So it's going to have to be an external motivation to get them clean.

 

I would set up some kind of incentive and reward for showering every single morninng, and make clear that that includes clipping nails, and other of those necessities. Maybe you can buy them Move tickets for every month that they shower every single day. Make a chart. I knnow it sounds corny but when I was a teenager I was always motivated by movies or money or something. I would have checked off a box and showered every day for a move ticket at the end of 30 days! Especially since you have lots of dc, they will all go together or one will be left out...(The dirty one!) You wouldn't want to shame him or her...but well it would be sort of appro-po if the other kids said that.

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Schedule it into their day and refuse to let them out of the house for other activities until it's done?

 

Put them into swimming lessons or on a swim team so that the chlorine will sanitize them and they'll have to shower to get the chlorine off? (That's what I do with dirty boys, LOL....)

 

Install a tiled mud room with floor drainage and a long shower hose system, then make them strip when entering the house, and hose 'em all down before they enter the main living area?

 

Do a drill sergeant routine like in that movie I used to love (8 is enough? I can't recall) where you line them all up every morning or evening and inspect fingernails, toes, sniff underarms, etc. then yank privileges if they don't pass inspection.....?

 

That's all I can think of right now,

 

Regena

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Your kids shower twice a day? Our skin would dry up and flake off if we did that.

 

Of course, my kids are younger (11, 10, and 2). They don't stink yet. :o

 

Are twice a day showers in my future? I'm trying to imagine what a kid would do in bed at night that would make him dirty enough to need another shower in the morning.

 

Just curious. Not trying to blast you for having clean children! :)

 

Suzanne,

 

I know 2 moms who nearly came to blows about this topic. Mom#1 is a bath-everyday-no-matter-what. (her dh hoses down the house once a week during spring, summer and fall.) Mom#2 has kids with very dry skin. Her pediatrician told her NOT to bathe the kids everyday. Mom#1 told Mom#2 that no doctor would every tell you that.

 

It got really ugly after that!

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Suzanne,

 

I know 2 moms who nearly came to blows about this topic. Mom#1 is a bath-everyday-no-matter-what. (her dh hoses down the house once a week during spring, summer and fall.) Mom#2 has kids with very dry skin. Her pediatrician told her NOT to bathe the kids everyday. Mom#1 told Mom#2 that no doctor would every tell you that.

 

It got really ugly after that!

 

Oh, brother. What a goofy thing to fight over! Of course, any child with dry skin, or other skin issues, wouldn't need to be immersed in water daily!

 

One of my best friends has two kids who are prone to exema (I can't spell it, but you know what I mean) break outs and even with a whole-house water filter, they can't bathe daily. They put in a salt-water swimming pool and in the summer, their kids are exema-free!

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ds 13 rinses in the shower every day but we have battled over the application of soap. this has improved tremendously in the last month, though. he went away on a church retreat where the boy teens practically prided themselves on not bathing for a few days. he thought it was the cool thing for a real kid to do. last month's retreat turned that around for him. he told me that on the second day, he and a friend had been horsing around for a while and as they were going into another room, his friend walked in front of my son and reeked so badly my son almost gagged! it occurred to him that maybe he smelled that foully also. when he came home he showered with soap asap. the judicious application of soap has been much less of an issue ever since then. :D

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I am the ignorant opinionated mom that would say, no matter what, that my kids need to shower every day. I don't care how dry their skin is. Can't they at least to the "Important 5" and then rinse the rest and get out? I can't see how water on your arm would make dry skin worse. And I can see how not showering and using soap and deoderant in armpits would make for a very nasty child.

 

I have a friend that uses this excuse. She actually joked that her husband has to make her take a shower before S--! She says that her skin is dry, but I know better. She's just a dirty person with a streak of laziness all around. That's why she doesn't shower. it has nothing to do with dry skin. My mom has severe dry skin and she showers every day. She has to use a special soap and only apply the soap on the "important 5" every other day, and she only washes her hair every other day. So to me she is the example of what someone with dry skin can do to keep clean.

 

I also have a teenage friend who picks her zits in front of everyone, and has such oily skin that you can see it oozing from herself. I have *extremely* oily, oily skin so I know how tough it is, I therefore was taught to wash my face before going out. SO I trul yunderdstand. I do. But it just freaks me out so bad. If you sit near this teenage girl on a day she hasn't washed her hair you can actually smell the oily-hair smell!

 

I feel so bad for you mom. I know you care and you'rea good mom. I don' tknnow *what* I would do.

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When his hair is flakey from not washing it correctly he has to put on his swim trunks and get in the shower. Dh goes in there and personally scrubs his scalp with tea tree shampoo until it tingles.

 

 

Does tea tree really work? Head and Shoulders just isn't cutting it for me anymore and I've hated the other brands I've tried (drying or foul-smelling). Or is it not for dandruff?

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My 10dd just doesn't like taking showers. I just don't understand it. We make her, of course, but she moans about it. Then she takes forever to get out. She's like that about brushing her teeth too. I have to check that she's done it, or she'll "forget." She's actually a pretty image conscious girl. She pays attention to her clothes, her accessories, ect. That's the weird part. A child that wants to look cute, but doesn't want to be bothered with keeping clean.

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A lady who used to do my hair told me once, "Oh, you Americans! Washing your hair everyday!" I couldn't figure out what she was talking about -- if I didn't wash my hair everyday it was nasty, oily. Well, I've since found out it wasn't my hair, it was the junk I was putting *on* my hair every day to tame that beast -- shampoo to strip all the oils out, heavy conditioner to put 'em back in, mousse for the body the conditioner took out, and hairspray to glue it all into place.

 

Now that I've quit using all that stuff, I can go about three days without a shower *if* there are no extenuating circumstances -- like it's hot for the summer or working outside or a big cleaning job in the house. My hair's in better condition and so is my skin.

 

I think kids need to shower more often because they are just stinky! Once those hormones kick in, they are just stinky!! But in 35 or 40 years, when things settle down, they won't need to bathe as often. ;-)

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  • 2 weeks later...
I can't see how water on your arm would make dry skin worse.

 

I've been away, but wanted to confirm with my sister, a family physician, before I commented. Water on your arm DOES make dry skin worse because it's enough to wash off what little protective oil there is. People with very dry skin can use deoderant, and can sponge bathe for smelly areas. I don't have skin that dry, but wanted to pass this on. If skin becomes too dry it can lead to bleeding cracks in the skin (mostly on the hands and feet, but elsewhere), itching, rashes, etc and so can lead to health problems. I no longer have the name of the study, but there was at least one done that linked daily bathing of infants and young children to a higher incidence of environmental allergies.

 

The thing about skin oil is that it traps dirt, smell causing bacteria, etc, so people with oily skin really and truly do need to bathe, etc, more often. On the plus side, people with oily skin usually have fewer wrinkles than they're dry-skinned counterparts later on in life.

 

When I was a child women still said "I just washed my hair and can't do a think with it." That was before hair products companies came up with a plethora of hitherto unecessary products to do what normal, healthy hair can do on it's own for most hair styles. Not that there weren't already many extra products out there, such as perms, dyes, hair sprays, Bryl Cream, etc, but now there are so many more it's mind boggling. Most of it chemically and/or petroleum based in plastic bottles. Has to make you wonder what all this is doing to the environment.

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I have a "card system" I used to manage the house. (It's based on the system Fly Lady based her stuff on; I like the original better).

 

I made a card file for each of my kids. Their cards include an am and pm routine. Even at their ages, I include items such as:

 

brush teeth

clean/cut nails

how to shower/clean up after

 

The am routine needs to be done before breakfast, school, basically anything.

 

The key, though, has been my consistent follow up and issuing "do overs" when they miss the mark.

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I have very oily skin, so I *have* to shower daily. I can understand the thought that it can't be bad for your skin. But I have a son who gets eczema so bad that it cracks and bleeds if we don't keep a handle on it. He doesn't shower every day. When he does, he actually has to "grease up" with some special petroleum based cream that helps the skin to heal.

 

I know he has an allergy to nickel, and I sincerely wonder if he's allergic to some of the other minerals that are in our tapwater.

 

Now, about dirty kids. My DD is getting oily hair, and skin and I simply point out hair that looks unwashed and ask her what she thinks. I have to point out smells and how it looks to other people. She wouldn't have had a clue otherwise. Now she'll recognize that she needs to shower every day or her hair feels/looks icky.

 

I just had to wrestle my 5 year old into the shower today. He didn't much care for the scrubbing, but he's a little sweat-ball at night. Eww.. He leaves a puddle where he sleeps, especially his hair and his pillow. Yuck.

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I am the ignorant opinionated mom that would say, no matter what, that my kids need to shower every day. I don't care how dry their skin is.

 

I can't see how water on your arm would make dry skin worse. And I can see how not showering and using soap and deoderant in armpits would make for a very nasty child.

 

:eek:

 

Good grief...If my kids took a bath or shower with soap every day, their skin would be cracked and bleeding. Ds5's hands are already bleeding and dry in spots from having to use soap on them to wash up after we go out somewhere. I only make them wash up to get rid of germs. My skin is the same way. If I have to even get my hands wet, they will be cracked and bleeding by the next day and I will be trying my best to hide the blood with band-aids.

 

When they do take baths, we have to use special soap and massive amounts of lotion to keep from getting bad, bad patches of eczema. My doctor/ allergist also told me not to wash them more than was absolutely necessary.

 

I'm glad your family doesn't have a problem with this, but believe me, there are families who do.

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Our dd7 also has excema. We have been specifically told not to give her a daily bath or shower...weekly was advised. Having her bathe or shower is a real pain because then we have to put special cream ALL over her body (then wait a little while for it to sink in, so that her clothes don't stick)...if we don't, than she looks like a red alligator! Since she is still only 7, there are no hormones yet, so its not much of an issue. I will wash her hair in the sink. We also use special soap...and I have to use extra water to rinse all her clothes a few times to make sure even the dye free/perfume free detergent is all out of the clothes...Seeing her itch so much and have that horrible rash is awful! In the winter time, here in the North, she takes a bath or shower about once a week....She'd LOVE to take one everyday, but she doesn't like crying herself to sleep because she itches AND hurts so badly!

For the record, she brushes her hair and her teeth...and as far as I know, she doesn't smell!

 

I don't have any ideas on how to get older kids to get clean, but I love the mental image in my mind of threatening to do it for them!:D

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  • 2 months later...

Good advice. Some people are predisposed to ingrown toenails, too, because of the way their toenails grow. If your son has an infection and you can't get it under control then please take him to a podiatrist. My own teen is under the current care of a podiatrist and he said that a bad infection can spread to the bone. After months of battling a stubborn ingrown toenail it's finally almost grown out.

 

And institute a morning or evening shower time for everyone. Teen boys still need their moms to annoy them about hygiene. It's part of our job that keeps us ever popular. LOL

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I am the ignorant opinionated mom that would say, no matter what, that my kids need to shower every day.

 

.... recommending that kids not bathe every day, because of the massive numbers of skin problems doctors see, caused by dryness. I can't find the report now, but it recommended that children only bathe every other day before puberty.

 

Laura

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Guest darth tart

I'm trying to imagine what a kid would do in bed at night that would make him dirty enough to need another shower in the morning.

 

My partner and I giggled when we read this. If your son isn't at the age yet, he will eventually be where it might be a good idea to have him shower in the mornings....(and change the bedsheets often)...

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My thoughts on it are that you'll have to stay on their case about being clean until they discover girls turn their noses up at them for being stinky.

 

How to stay on their case, I've got nothing other than what was already posted. Good luck.

 

Now all this talk about dry skin is making me itch. I'm outta here

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I think people somehow link dirt, in their minds, with some sort of immorality. As if being dirty on the outside means you are dirty on the inside. I personally don't think it works like that :) Its not an issue I am going to get very upset about, personally. Some sweat and dirt means they have been living their lives well, playing, having fun, being kids.

My daughter (a girly girl who also loves Scouts and other traditionally boy activities) naturally showers daily. Twice, if allowed. She wets or conditions her botticelli curls daily (a curly girl thing).

My son wouldnt shower unless asked. Sometimes I have to remember to ask him to wash his hair because it gets a bit smelly. It was only recently (the last year or so, he is 12) I didnt have to turn the shower on for him and help him wash his hair though. I figure by the time he wants to impress girls, he will get the personal hygeine thing together pretty well.

We don't use soap(except shampoo on our hair). Rarely, anyway- theres some on the sink for washing dirty hands, but none in the shower. . We have a hemp mitt in the shower for scrubbing dirty knees or faces. Soap is overrated, and it dries the skin.

It is about habits. If you want them to form the habit of self hygeine, you probably need to form the habit of getting them in the shower daily, and not leave it up to them, since they have little self motivation.

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