Curious and slightly concerned with the way my daughter plays with her doll..

[bcbbmom]

My 6 y.o. has a favorite old raggedy doll (an old groovy girl doll that was her older sister's), and it seems to be her comfort object, which is fine.  What is concerning to us is the way she plays with it.  She'll sit on the floor, or couch, etc., and hold the doll in one hand, while kind of holding up & shaking her other hand toward the doll.  It's so hard to describe, but it almost looks like she's putting a "spell" on the doll.  While doing this, we've noticed that she tenses up.  She's very focused on the doll during this time.  When we used to ask her what she was doing, she would get embarrassed and just say, "I'm playing".  Now, for at least the past year or so, she tells us this is how she imagines & makes-believe.  I haven't wanted to make a big deal out of it, but I do wonder what in the world she's doing....  She has lots of imaginary friends, and loves pretend play, so I wonder if this is just part of it?  

I have noticed that when we go on vacation or to visit relatives, she doesn't need it.  We usually bring it, but she doesn't pay much attention to it.  As soon as we're home though, she's got to have her.  Is she just bored?  Do I need to find more structured activities?  

 

[Scarlett]

My 6 y.o. has a favorite old raggedy doll (an old groovy girl doll that was her older sister's), and it seems to be her comfort object, which is fine. What is concerning to us is the way she plays with it. She'll sit on the floor, or couch, etc., and hold the doll in one hand, while kind of holding up & shaking her other hand toward the doll. It's so hard to describe, but it almost looks like she's putting a "spell" on the doll. While doing this, we've noticed that she tenses up. She's very focused on the doll during this time. When we used to ask her what she was doing, she would get embarrassed and just say, "I'm playing". Now, for at least the past year or so, she tells us this is how she imagines & makes-believe. I haven't wanted to make a big deal out of it, but I do wonder what in the world she's doing.... She has lots of imaginary friends, and loves pretend play, so I wonder if this is just part of it?

I have noticed that when we go on vacation or to visit relatives, she doesn't need it. We usually bring it, but she doesn't pay much attention to it. As soon as we're home though, she's got to have her. Is she just bored? Do I need to find more structured activities?

At that age my son was very in to imaginary play. What you described would have been normal for him. He would also run around outside obviously playing out scenes with multiple characters. My xh felt sorry for him. I said with an imagination like that he needs no pity.

[SparklyUnicorn]

She just sounds imaginative to me. 

[Home'scool]

This kind of reminds me of my brother. When he was young he always had to have a pencil in his hand, and he would use it to "tap" the palm of his other hand. And he would tense up while doing it. After a while he would do it almost all the time, and when he didn't have a pencil he would use his finger in place of the pencil.

 

It became such a habit that he still does it now at age 60, especially when he is nervous or uptight. 

 

I am not an expert, but the fact that she tenses up sounds like it is becoming a bad habit, almost like a tic. I would try to discourage it. We all have innate OCD habits and some, if not stopped, can become part of our routine without us even realizing it. Then it becomes a real pain to deal with.

 

Pretend play and imaginary friends are great, but anything that causes tensing is not "fun" play.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Pretend play and imaginary friends are great, but anything that causes tensing is not "fun" play.

 

It sounds to me like the tensing up is maybe part of the play. For example, sometimes when I'm too tired to get up and get something I'll pretend like I'm trying use my superpowers to draw it to me. I tense up like I'm using my mental energy. Alas, it never works, but it makes my kids laugh, and usually someone will get up and bring me whatever it is I'm needing :lol: I'm envisioning the tensing up in the OP like that, not like stress or anxiety.

 

Maybe that's not how the OP would like her daughter to be playing, though, which is a whole other issue.

[SKL]

I wouldn't worry about it.  And I definitely would not take away her comfort object.

 

My 11yo (who would kill me for saying this) sucks on her teddy bear's butt all the time.  Why not its head or its leg, I don't know.  Some things aren't for us to know.  :P

[J-rap]

I don't think I'd worry about it.  It's probably some imaginary play going on that is harmless.  One of my dd's used to wiggle her fingers on both hands, waving them at each other and then at herself.  She did it on long car rides, and often when I observed her playing by herself.  Sometimes she would talk to them -- just moving her lips, not saying it out loud.  It was very strange!  She did finally let me in on her play.  Each finger was a person, and each hand was a family, and they were talking to each other, or sometimes talking to her.  We laugh about it now!

[Crimson Wife]

Do you have any other concerns about her development? It strikes me as a possible "red flag" for autism and contrary to popular belief, kids with ASD can be very imaginative and into pretend play.

[Garga]

My sons would do this sort of thing with their action figures.  They say they were just imagining lasers coming out of the figures or some other sort of pretend play with the figure.  

 

They would stop abruptly when I'd come upon them playing like this.  I think they realized they looked a little silly.  :)

Edited November 3, 2017 by Garga

[bcbbmom]

I wouldn't worry about it.  And I definitely would not take away her comfort object.

 

My 11yo (who would kill me for saying this) sucks on her teddy bear's butt all the time.  Why not its head or its leg, I don't know.  Some things aren't for us to know.  :p

That just made me lol.   :laugh:   Thank you.

[bcbbmom]

Do you have any other concerns about her development? It strikes me as a possible "red flag" for autism and contrary to popular belief, kids with ASD can be very imaginative and into pretend play.

Literally, the only other developmental issue I'm concerned about, is that she's been repeating the last syllable of some of her words for about 3 years now.  We thought it was a normal fluency issue for a while, but since she hasn't outgrown it yet, we're seeing someone this month.  

[SanDiegoMom]

The tensing sounds a little worrisome to me. I've had a very imaginative kid who did a TON of imaginary play, but it was not usually very repetitive and never any tensing. Especially for that long of a time period. 

 

My oldest dd also repeated the last word or two that she spoke under her breath for a few years.  She grew out of it. 

[Scarlett]

Literally, the only other developmental issue I'm concerned about, is that she's been repeating the last syllable of some of her words for about 3 years now.  We thought it was a normal fluency issue for a while, but since she hasn't outgrown it yet, we're seeing someone this month.  

 

 

My son did this too.  And it freaked me the heck out.  When I was able to finally get him to explain why he did it he said he was just making sure he said the word right.

 

He did outgrow it by about age 10.

[bcbbmom]

She probably is "putting a spell" on the doll.  Like imagining that she's magician or sorceress and making her doll go to sleep. 

 

Is this the ONLY way she plays with the doll?  Is this the only doll she does it with? 

 

Does your family have any issue with magic type of stuff?  If you have ever conveyed or mentioned that you don't like the idea of magic in popular culture, she may be feeling embarrassed because she is afraid you might not approve of it.

 

Next time she does it, you might consider asking about the story she is imagining.  Asking "what are you doing" might make her feel put on the spot, but if you can ask about the story or what she's pretending, or maybe try to find a way to play the game with her, you might get a bit more out of her. 

 

Edited November 3, 2017 by bcbbmom

[bcbbmom]

My son did this too.  And it freaked me the heck out.  When I was able to finally get him to explain why he did it he said he was just making sure he said the word right.

 

He did outgrow it by about age 10.

I've always thought it was that her brain was working faster than her mouth, but sometimes it sounds like she's trying to think of the next thing to say.  But it's to the point that it sometimes takes a while for her to get her words out.  For instance, "Mom, can we go to the library...y...y...today?"  Or.... "Can you read me this book...ook...ook?"  

[Scarlett]

I've always thought it was that her brain was working faster than her mouth, but sometimes it sounds like she's trying to think of the next thing to say.  But it's to the point that it sometimes takes a while for her to get her words out.  For instance, "Mom, can we go to the library...y...y...today?"  Or.... "Can you read me this book...ook...ook?"  

 

 

ds had  a friend his age that would ask him why he did that.  It made him aware of it and self conscious...and when I asked him why he did it he was embarrassed too.....I told him it was ok that he did it I was just trying to understand what he was thinking when he did it.  I thought he gave a pretty good answer.

[Reefgazer]

She's conjurin', LOL.  Seriously, she just sounds imaginative, so I wouldn't worry.

Edited November 3, 2017 by reefgazer

[SparklyUnicorn]

My younger kid did some interesting things with his stuffed animals.  And he is my story teller.  Sometimes he would tell me a story about something and he would say it as if it really happened.  Tons of details.  And very matter of fact...this REALLY happened. Then finally I realized of course this didn't happen. 

 

Even now at 12 he still tells stories.  He'll say stuff like, "Oh this reminds of this one time when I was flying a plane and I crashed into a bird and the bird's feathers went flying everywhere, and I couldn't see where I was going!"  Huh?!  LOL  But he says it like it REALLY happened and a real situation reminded him of it. 

 

I have no clue why he does that. 

 

 

[Xahm]

When she's playing that way, you could ask, "can I play, too?" and see if the instructions she gives you illuminates what she's thinking. Maybe she tenses because she's actually pretending that she's running around or doing other things, so she tenses the muscles she imagines she's using.

[bcbbmom]

I don't mean that she's *ACTUALLY* putting a spell on the doll lol.  I mean like pretending she's Harry Potter or Elsa or a fairy godmother or something.

Lol.  Right, I know she isn't literally putting a spell on the doll, but just that she's trying to.  

[bcbbmom]

When she's playing that way, you could ask, "can I play, too?" and see if the instructions she gives you illuminates what she's thinking. Maybe she tenses because she's actually pretending that she's running around or doing other things, so she tenses the muscles she imagines she's using.

I will try this.  Thank you.  :)  

[eternalsummer]

I am not sure whether you have a religious concern (given that you are talking about anointing the doll with oil) or a developmental concern.  You're expressing it as a developmental concern, but to me an adult anointing a doll with oil because she's concerned her daughter is casting spells is just as strange (if not rather more so) as a child pretending to cast spells on a doll.

[Moonhawk]

Kids play differently, it doesn't sound worrisome. My 6yo tenses up a lot when he plays, especially if it is sit-in-one-spot play. It's just a sign of his full engagement, his body is getting in on the action of no-action, lol. 

 

If your daughter recognizes and describes what she is doing is pretend, then don't worry. Even if she is pretend-spell casting, the fact that she recognizes it as pretend play means she isn't taking it seriously. Trying any intervention may make her wonder why and re-evaluate if you know something about this pretend-thing that she doesn't. I don't think you need to redirect with other activities, structured or non. If she enjoys playing this way, she'll just find a different time to do so.  

[MedicMom]

I am not sure whether you have a religious concern (given that you are talking about anointing the doll with oil) or a developmental concern. You're expressing it as a developmental concern, but to me an adult anointing a doll with oil because she's concerned her daughter is casting spells is just as strange (if not rather more so) as a child pretending to cast spells on a doll.

This whole concern strikes me as strange. I don’t see anything developmentally inappropriate. She’s probably tending slightly as she casts her spell. She’s pretending and her body will reflect that.

Imaganitive play is good. I encourage it greatly here.

[bcbbmom]

This whole concern strikes me as strange. I don’t see anything developmentally inappropriate. She’s probably tending slightly as she casts her spell. She’s pretending and her body will reflect that.

Imaganitive play is good. I encourage it greatly here.

Well, I am the mom of 4 children, and I've never seen anything quite like it.  Nor has my husband.  She is very creative, though, and I'm going to assume that it's just part of her creativity.  :)  

[Spryte]

Well, I am the mom of 4 children, and I've never seen anything quite like it. Nor has my husband. She is very creative, though, and I'm going to assume that it's just part of her creativity. :)

I don't find it terribly odd, either, FWIW. Your plan to call it part of her creativity sounds good!

[Crimson Wife]

This whole concern strikes me as strange. I don’t see anything developmentally inappropriate. She’s probably tending slightly as she casts her spell. She’s pretending and her body will reflect that.

Imaganitive play is good. I encourage it greatly here.

The repetitive motions COULD be a “red flag†for a developmental disability but there would need to be other concerns. My daughter will flap her hands while playing with toys and it is considered an autism symptom.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[MedicMom]

My sisters and I were very imaginative and we did things like that all the time. We put spells on our dolls too.

 

My son has autism. When he’s in the middle of stimming with his toys, he isn’t able to break away from it to act embarrassed or tell me he’s just playing. It doesn’t sound like this little girl is completely lost in our own little world, just that she’s very creative and imaginative. If she couldn’t break out of it, I would be more concerned.

[bcbbmom]

That's rather surprising to me.  Especially since, if I am envisioning the action correctly, it could also describe kids pretending to tickle their doll.  What you describe doesn't seem unusual for a kid that age at all in terms of pretend play etc.

No, it's nothing like tickling a doll.  The other hand isn't touching the doll.  It's just aimed at the doll with her fingers moving, while she sort-of shakes the doll.  I wish I could show you a video of it.  None of my other children did this, and my sister, who has raised 3 children has never seen anything like it, either.  

I appreciate all the advice and support I've gotten here, though.  I feel a lot better about it now, and will try to stop worrying.  :)  

[Amy in NH]

I've always thought it was that her brain was working faster than her mouth, but sometimes it sounds like she's trying to think of the next thing to say. But it's to the point that it sometimes takes a while for her to get her words out. For instance, "Mom, can we go to the library...y...y...today?" Or.... "Can you read me this book...ook...ook?"

Two of my kids did this, too. They did eventually outgrow it, but it worried me for a long time. It was like a hitch in the connection between parts of the brain.

[maize]

No, it's nothing like tickling a doll. The other hand isn't touching the doll. It's just aimed at the doll with her fingers moving, while she sort-of shakes the doll. I wish I could show you a video of it. None of my other children did this, and my sister, who has raised 3 children has never seen anything like it, either.

I appreciate all the advice and support I've gotten here, though. I feel a lot better about it now, and will try to stop worrying. :)

I would "shake" a doll when I was imagining it saying something. The hand could be talking as well (as another character in the game); the tensing happens to create the shaking and also as a side effect of concentration (if I put my hands in front of me and imagine one talking to the other this is exactly what I do--one right in front of me, the other further away, and tense).

 

Edited November 4, 2017 by maize

[maize]

One of mine also repeated word endings. They did eventually outgrow it. That child does have some social and verbal delays but I don't know if they are related.

[MercyA]

OP, I know demons are real. I also believe some witchcraft has genuine demonic power behind it. (Yeah, I'm one of those crazies. ;) ) 

 

That said, I don't think I'd be overly concerned about what your daughter is doing. It sounds like fairly normal imaginative play to me. Kids can be weird.  :)

 

In any case, if you're a Christian, you have authority in Jesus' name to tell any malevolent spirit to get lost and stay away from your family.

 

I'm glad you're feeling better about this. I was thinking about it last night and I think it is probably perfectly okay.

[bcbbmom]

OP, I know demons are real. I also believe some witchcraft has genuine demonic power behind it. (Yeah, I'm one of those crazies. ;) ) 

 

That said, I don't think I'd be overly concerned about what your daughter is doing. It sounds like fairly normal imaginative play to me. Kids can be weird.  :)

 

In any case, if you're a Christian, you have authority in Jesus' name to tell any malevolent spirit to get lost and stay away from your family.

 

I'm glad you're feeling better about this. I was thinking about it last night and I think it is probably perfectly okay.

Thank you. :)  I'm one of those crazies, too! ;)  

I took the advice of some of the ladies here and joined her in playing last night.  She welcomed me & we imagined we were Elsa & Anna and played out a big elaborate story.  I feel so much better!  :)  Bless you all for putting this mama's mind at ease.  

[SKL]

Oh, Elsa and Anna!  Now it totally makes sense.  :P

[saraha]

Literally, the only other developmental issue I'm concerned about, is that she's been repeating the last syllable of some of her words for about 3 years now.  We thought it was a normal fluency issue for a while, but since she hasn't outgrown it yet, we're seeing someone this month.  

 

3 of my girls did something similar, they would repeat the last word they said.  They all did it from age 9 or 10 - 12 or 13.  They have no issues and just stopped doing it one day. We didn't say a word about it.  I also know another mom who had a daughter go through that around those ages. No problems.

[Element]

Literally, the only other developmental issue I'm concerned about, is that she's been repeating the last syllable of some of her words for about 3 years now.  We thought it was a normal fluency issue for a while, but since she hasn't outgrown it yet, we're seeing someone this month.  

This is palilalia. It's a type of verbal tic. Many, many, many kiddos have motor or verbal tics at this age. Google a list of tics and keep them in mind in the future. In my experience, if you ignore a tic, it eventually goes away. If you draw attention to it, it tends to stick around. Know your tics so you know which behaviors to ignore. :) As for the rest of it, she sounds like a wonderful, imaginative child!