Encountered my first real opposition to HSing today...

[Aloha2U]

and I'm only doing PreK/K4 with my one and only ds(4) right now. LOL!

 

The person (father to 3 public schooled boys - ages 14, 10, and 8 - who is very big on sports and has an in-home business run by him and his wife) opposing my decision to homeschool touched on many points trying to convince me otherwise. Well here, let me share a few with you...

 

1. Encouraged me put my ds in public school, but volunteer to help out from time to time so as to check in on everything being done at the school and what is being taught. "I wouldn't consider it as them raising your child... you could be there as much as you wanted."

 

2. "Get a part-time job... even though you're a great girl and all, but who wants to be around you all the time... you and your kid need a break from each other. My wife looks forward to her breaks when the kids are off at school."

 

When he realized that I am already doing PreK/K4 with my ds...

 

3. He asked me, "Well, have you put him on a soccer team or anything yet? He needs a way to work on his motor skills and if he is going to be HS'd then he needs to start getting socialized right now."

 

4. "Well does he know any of his letter, number or shape recognitions yet? You know, that is very important."

 

I giggled at that last question when I responded, because if you know me or my ds even a little bit then you know that he has at least a little of those under his belt. LOL! ;)

 

5. "Well, I guess that there is nothing I can say to you as I'm sure you've already been brainwashed by your sister." (My nieces attend a private classical Christian school.)

 

I could go into far greater detail on what he said and how I responded, but for many of you... I'm sure you've all heard it before and can imagine what my responses were. All in all, God gave me a peace about our conversation from the very beginning and I believe the opposing force was actually shocked at how calm and confident I was while he was respectfully attacking... possibly even a little convicted, IYKWIM.

 

Oh, btw... he did happen to mention that the new word being circulated for us type of moms - whether homeschooling our children or putting them in private schools, in his opinion - are Helicopter Moms (sheltering/hovering over our children). LOL!

Edited October 30, 2008 by NCAmusings

[Veritaserum]

It gets more "fun" as they get older, too. ;) I used to be bothered by these types of conversations. I've mellowed quite a bit and will now tend to smile and nod and politely disagree when needed. I'm not going to change their minds and they're not going to change mine, so the whole thing is pretty pointless.

Edited October 29, 2008 by Veritaserum

[Word Nerd]

Wow! You listened to him a lot longer than I would have! :rolleyes:

 

I've never experienced anything like that, but the one or two times someone has come across as hostile, I've refused to engage with them. When people have genuine questions and concerns, I answer as best as I can and enjoy helping to clear up some of the misconceptions about homeschooling. But if the person is only interested in attacking me and our family's choices, I change the subject or excuse myself.

Edited October 29, 2008 by WordGirl

[Chika]

*rolling eyes*

 

Sounds like you maintained a great attitude.

 

BTW, some homeschool moms ARE helicopter moms, lol. Some aren't. Same could be said for the moms of public-schooled kiddos. Whether or not one is overprotective (hovering too much) isn't *necessarily* related to their schooling choice (although it can be, of course).

[Jolash]

It always amazes me how much energy people expend to change a homeschooler's mind! I think my fave from your post is... put them in school and then volunteer in the class so you can keep track of what goes on. Huh? Why not just keep them at home if you're gonna be at the school all day with them! 'Course, then you won't have time to get that part time job....:w00t:

[elegantlion]

I gladly wore my Educational Anarchist t-shirt with my camo capris the other day. I took ds to the local coinstar machine to teach him how to turn change into an amazon.com e-certificate. I was just waiting for someone to ask about the shirt, never happened. :lol:

 

We are in our 5th year of homeschooling and this is the first year I've started to develop an I don't care what you think attitude.

[Joanne]

It sounds like you are comfortable with your role in the conversation and how it went. :)

 

For *me*, his wording and perspective would have been way to intrusive, inappropriate and I would have handled it differently. To me, NO ONE has the right to talk to another person's parenting/educational choices in that manner.

[sunshine]

[q

 

Oh, btw... he did happen to mention that the new word being circulated for us type of moms - whether homeschooling our children or putting them in private schools, in his opinion - are Helicopter Moms (sheltering/hovering over our children). LOL!

 

 

Wow!! that is the nicest thing I have been called by the opposing HSing people!!That is great!! I will take it!!

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

BTW, some homeschool moms ARE helicopter moms, lol. Some aren't. Same could be said for the moms of public-schooled kiddos. Whether or not one is overprotective (hovering too much) isn't *necessarily* related to their schooling choice (although it can be, of course).

 

Yes. I know quite a few public school moms who are WAY over invested in their kids.

 

I agree with the friend who said motor skills and social opportunities are important for children. I also agree that being around your kids 24/7 is not usually a good thing for parent or child. However, it doesn't sound like this guy is aware that homeschooling parents can have time away from the kids and that the kids can have opportunities to socialize freely. Homeschool children can have the same wonderful opportunities for growth and development as public school kids- if the parents choose to put the work in. Homeschool moms can have a full and fulfilling life if they have a good support system around them.

 

I run into a lot of people who still equate the word homeschooler with religious fanatic who is anti public school and over-controlling. I think it will take quite a few years, now that plenty of mainstream parents from different backgrounds are homeschooling, for the public perception to change.

 

I always welcome such conversations as a way to help educate people. A lot of people I have met who have pre-conceived notions about homeschooling have come away from conversations with new understanding. I also learn a great deal from these encounters too. People pointing out areas that may be deficient is great for analisis and promting change where needed.

[Colleen]

I've homeschooled for 8+ years and have never encountered such a litany of oppositional remarks. I've found people to be either supportive of, interested in, or neutral about homeschooling. Perhaps it's because I wouldn't engage in a conversation like the one you related here. Since you didn't mention otherwise, I have to assume the exchange didn't bother you, which is good. Truly, though, I believe that unless we anticipate and/or entertain negative reactions to homeschooling, we'll in all likelihood not encounter them.:)

[Jennefer@SSA]

My sweet neighbor (with the best intentions, I truly believe) has tried to get me to change my mind several times about hsing. I don't get bothered by it at all and each time I tell her that I am confident in our decision to take this path with our children. I have explained that I know it's a very personal decision that each family will make but for me and mine, we're happy as clams.

 

You can imagine my shock when this year she asked me to homeschool her oldest 2 daughters! And that she would pay me! I couldn't take her up on it with 3 of my own but we had a fantastic conversation.

[Soph the vet]

 

I run into a lot of people who still equate the word homeschooler with religious fanatic who is anti public school and over-controlling.

 

 

 

Hey, that describes me pretty well!!:lol::lol:

But I usually say "Jesus fanatic who is anti government schools and responsible":lol:

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

But I usually say "Jesus fanatic who is anti government schools and responsible":lol:

 

Um- there are a ton of people who don't homeschool who are responsible and don't control every move their children make. Anyway- my point was there are a LOT of us out there trying to change the stereotype. :001_rolleyes:

[Scarlett]

You can imagine my shock when this year she asked me to homeschool her oldest 2 daughters! And that she would pay me! I couldn't take her up on it with 3 of my own but we had a fantastic conversation.

 

I had this experience with my best friend...well, she lives too far away to ask me to help her, but her dh was so against hs'ling that I about fell over when she told me they were going to pull him out mid semester and hs! :tongue_smilie: When he failed math and science and they told her he would have to go to summer school...she decided it just wasn't working.

[Remudamom]

Look him straight in the eye and say "You're obviously feeling very insecure about your kids being in PS. Kindly keep your doubts to yourself in the future!"

[cathmom]

Helicopter mom does not mean homeschool mom!! Colleges are having to deal with this, when most of their students have not been homeschooled.

[sagira]

It sounds like you are comfortable with your role in the conversation and how it went. :)

 

For *me*, his wording and perspective would have been way to intrusive, inappropriate and I would have handled it differently. To me, NO ONE has the right to talk to another person's parenting/educational choices in that manner.

 

:iagree: I think it's rude. Unfortunately, that's the way many people are. I have to congratulate you on your wonderful, positive attitude and cool composure. You gave us all hsers a boost by doing that -- thank you! :)

[OhM]

Oh, btw... he did happen to mention that the new word being circulated for us type of moms - whether homeschooling our children or putting them in private schools, in his opinion - are Helicopter Moms (sheltering/hovering over our children). LOL!

 

This made me laugh out loud because I'm often accused by the moms of dd's ps friends of expecting my kids to be "too independent" when I don't stay and watch practices (read: don't stay and gossip w/the other moms during practices), expect them to pack their own overnight bags, expect them to be responsible for mowing the grass, let them call to make their own arrangements for get togethers, etc.! (Note - dd's are 10 & 13, for crying out loud! If they aren't starting to be independent now, when will it ever happen!!??)

 

All I can say is: What a maroon!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

We had an hour between checking out of our hotel room in Waikiki and being picked up by our taxis. So I say with the bags and dh took the boys over to the museum at Ft Derussy to look at the tanks and other stuff.

Evidently the boys were being their typical expansive selves and one of the docents struck up a conversation with them. They weren't shy about expressing what they liked in the museum or that they were homeschooled. He came up to dh in the gift shop and explained that he was the retired teacher of one the DoD schools at our new duty station and tried to explain that the schools were actually quite good and we should consider them. I guess DH told him that we were looking forward to using the library and other facilities but thanks we're quite happy with homeschooling.

Too funny.

[Sharon H in IL]

Way over the line from friendly interest to controlling and rude beyond belief. I would have treated his counsel the same as if he had decided he needed to tell me how my husband and I should run our marriage.

 

Sheesh.

[Paula in MS]

It is hard to get used to, but these kinds of things are going to be said every once in a while. On another note, I was talking to some moms at ballet the other day. About 5 girls in my dd's class are homeschooled. We started talking about the socialization thing. Another mom who teaches K-5 in public school said, "That's ridiculous. We don't let kids socialize or we wouldn't get anything done." She also went on to say every homeschooler she had ever met was just as socialized as the school kids. Another PS teacher was also standing close by and said, "Homeschooling is wonderful. You just can't top that one on one attention." In our area, homeschooling is very prevalent. Everyone knows someone who homeschools, so it is becoming difficult to stereotype.

 

Paula

[Mama Bear]

*rolling eyes*

 

Sounds like you maintained a great attitude.

 

BTW, some homeschool moms ARE helicopter moms, lol. Some aren't. Same could be said for the moms of public-schooled kiddos. Whether or not one is overprotective (hovering too much) isn't *necessarily* related to their schooling choice (although it can be, of course).

 

I could be just, erm, hormonal, but increasingly I want to SMACK people who use the term "helicopter mom/dad/parent" -- MAN!!! It gets bandied about mostly by crazy people who (IMO) read one book (or eavesdropped on people who read one book) and latched on to a term they don't really grasp.

 

Maybe I'm really just hormonal...

 

:D

[Tracey in TX]

I

 

Oh, btw... he did happen to mention that the new word being circulated for us type of moms - whether homeschooling our children or putting them in private schools, in his opinion - are Helicopter Moms (sheltering/hovering over our children). LOL!

People can be such idiots! Clearly this dad lacks social skills, as unrequested advice is unwanted. Maybe your "unsocialized" child can avoid this pitfall.:tongue_smilie: Priorities are a varied as learning curves for children. Only one DC knew how to read at 4y/o. The triplets didn't begin learning shapes/letters until almost 5y/o. They just weren't interested. Our priorities were to introduce them to reading, sports, friends, etc. If a parent would've asked me if they knew their shapes or were socialized, I would've excused him from further conversation.

 

btw, nobody would EVER call me a Helicopter parent. Really. I might take teeny suggestions from someone who is.... so, not all homeschool (or private school) moms are created equal. I prefer to allow them to learn failure, and how to learn from their mistakes. I encourage kiddos to express themselves by learning their physical limitations, not poo-pooing and discouraging it. Again, might take lessons from the HP :)

 

Tell the charming dad of 3 to mind his own business, unless he wants to help you out occasionally to coach the recommended soccer team. LOL

[ChemMommy]

It makes life much easier. What business of his is your decision to teach at home!!??

 

My standard phrase is either:

 

--we've prayed about this and feel that homeschooling is the best decision for our family.

 

--we've considered that particular concern (fill in the word "concern" with their actual concern) while making our decision. Follow this one up with the first statement.

 

 

Repeat as necessary. Don't debate with them. Change the subject.

 

BTDT--gotten caught by someone and cornered into defending my choices and sharing thoughts that my dh and I truly thought were our private thoughts with others.

 

I'll admit, though, the above plan works less well with relatives who DO have some right to be concerned for your children's welfare. For them, I add that dh and I would never do anything to harm our children's academic future. Now, we've been blessed with relatives that range for neutral or extremely supportive, so this kind of assurance has worked well.

 

And, for the record, yes, if you son like soccer, sign him up. Yes, socialize him to be a wonderful young man. Yes, teach him at home and watch him blossom. And, finally, celebrate with this dad his children's successes!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Way over the line from friendly interest to controlling and rude beyond belief. I would have treated his counsel the same as if he had decided he needed to tell me how my husband and I should run our marriage.

 

Sheesh.

 

DH forgot to mention the encounter until we were sitting around at the airport. I think he actually found it pretty funny. I think that the school in question may have a bit of a reputation. One family we know started homeschooling after they pulled their kids out of this school. Despite being a school for family members of US military, they found that the classes their kids were in were majority non English speakers.

 

Dh is one of our best advocates. He even bought me a sign for our homeschool that has me listed as Headmistress.

[keptwoman]

I could be just, erm, hormonal, but increasingly I want to SMACK people who use the term "helicopter mom/dad/parent" -- MAN!!! It gets bandied about mostly by crazy people who (IMO) read one book (or eavesdropped on people who read one book) and latched on to a term they don't really grasp.

 

Maybe I'm really just hormonal...

 

:D

You and I can be hormonal together because I was sitting here thinking I would have wanted to SMACK that guy!

 

Partially from the helicopter parent and mostly from his plain ol' rudeness.

 

Helicopter parent :lol: I've met many many PS parents who are WAY more helicopter than I will ever be. How about "parent who gives a crap about emotional well being" I might kiss the person who gives me that label. However when I'm making my kid walk or bike when every other parent would drive them there. Well.....

[ChemMommy]

Look him straight in the eye and say "You're obviously feeling very insecure about your kids being in PS. Kindly keep your doubts to yourself in the future!"

 

I wish I had the guts to get that out! That's exactly what I want to say!!!!

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

I have been finding two main themes in the "Homeschool Opposition" comments I've been receiving lately...

 

First (since we live overseas)-"You're only doing this until you move back to the US, right?" No-not necessarily-I don't have any end date planned but keep an open mind and reevaluate every time we move. Oh-and I'm sure the people in which ever country/community we are currently living in appreciate the fact that you find their schooling inadequate and if so why are your kids in that school?

 

Second-"But aren't you worried about their socialization?" or my favorite "But you'll put them in for high school right? They need the socialization there." Ok-my kids are busy enough, sports leagues and lessons, Girl/Boy Scouts, bible studies, homeschool groups, play dates, sleepovers, birthday parties, community parties and their studies (which I don't normally put last in the list). Really-will they be better people in 20 years if they sit at a desk or in a lunch room surrounded by kids they don't know and don't speak to during the day? And why is socialization more important in high school? Kids need to function in society at all ages not just when they turn 14.

 

Oh well, I will continue my "That is just how it is" attitude and remember instead the man who asked about the quality of schools in my area the other day and when I proceeded to inform him about the variety of choices my husband interrupted to say that we homeschool ours and his friend responded that my kids did go to the best school in town. :001_smile:Thanks! That is what I will remember.

[OnTheBrink]

You and I can be hormonal together because I was sitting here thinking I would have wanted to SMACK that guy!

 

Partially from the helicopter parent and mostly from his plain ol' rudeness.

 

Helicopter parent :lol: I've met many many PS parents who are WAY more helicopter than I will ever be. How about "parent who gives a crap about emotional well being" I might kiss the person who gives me that label. However when I'm making my kid walk or bike when every other parent would drive them there. Well.....

 

Scootch over and let me sit on the "smack the guy" couch. I'm not hormonal, but I'd want to sock him one.

 

 

And, I abhor the "helicopter parent" thing. Let's just find yet another hurtful label to bandy around. UGH.

[Scarlett]

Scootch over and let me sit on the "smack the guy" couch. I'm not hormonal, but I'd want to sock him one.

 

 

And, I abhor the "helicopter parent" thing. Let's just find yet another hurtful label to bandy around. UGH.

 

How about this one--- Learning Coach. My VA is using this term this year and it just makes me want to scream. I think I first started to dream of using K12 independently once the VA started using that term.

[Guest The Real Janelle]

Yes...being referred to as the "learning coach" is one of the most painful VA hoops to jump through for me. I don't refer to the VA employed handlers as "teacher", I call them by their names....especially to my boys. Who's doing the teaching....? Argh!!!:iagree::iagree:

[melissel]

Wow! You listened to him a lot longer than I would have! :rolleyes:

 

Man, I was thinking the same exact thing! I didn't even get past point number 1 just reading them! I think RemudaMom's response is perfect--not that I could ever call that kind of thing up when I needed it :001_rolleyes: