rainbowmama Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 My tween has a conflict between a skate show next weekend. At the beginning of the year, the date of the recital was different. The teacher just informed me last week that months ago it had been changed to the exact time of her ice show. He didn't send out an email. He didn't call. He didn't tell me the changed time during a lesson. Apparently, he had posted it on an announcement board, but really, I didn't even know he had an announcement board: most important things are communicated through email or directly to me at lesson. He has a policy that if one kid cancels on a recital, he will cancel the recital. (When he announced this new policy, we asked him to reconsider, but no dice.) We plan to stop lessons after this spring and start with a new teacher either this summer or fall. Believing that the recital was a different week, several months ago we allowed my tween to participate in an ice show. She has a lead part: if she dropped out, the dance would look funny but there's no risk that the show would be cancelled. We plan to continue skate in the fall with this rink. My tween can't seem to commit to which she rather do. How would you handle the situation? I feel responsible both to the other students of her piano teacher and the other kids in her skate show for her to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltopmom Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Do the ice show. It really messes up the other dancers/ skaters (my dd dances, but same idea)when a lead part is missing. The recitals are all individual pieces? I would not feel responsible to the other kids if so. If the teacher decides to cancel because one kid is absent, that's.. Odd. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 This is a solo recital for piano and other kids are depending on her for the skating? Definitely the skating. Besides, piano teacher sounds super unorganized. When you make a change like that you should communicate it in MORE ways (e-mail, in person, post a notice) and not less. Why on earth would he cancel if one kid cancels? That sounds ridiculous. Our piano teacher is happy to get 80%+ of her students at a single recital. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Tell piano teacher you are dropping out of piano after this spring and as a result had not planned to attend the recital. That way he won't be "surprised" that she isn't there and you won't be cancelling after committing to doing the recital. And yes - definitely the skate show. It messes things up when the lead dancer isn't there in a piece. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Well....if he cancels the entire recital due to your daughter being unable to attend, the cancellation is his fault, not yours. He is trying to exert pressure in order for things to turn out as he wants. He wants his students to feel guilty if they can't do the recital. That's not really nice, is it? I don't think you have to go along with that. Will your daughter want to keep skating after this year? Keeping her commitment to being in that show seems more important to me, since she is part of a choreographed routine. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 I think it's an empty threat anyway. If he cancels the recital, he will anger everyone and jeopardize his entire business. It's unlikely he would follow through on that. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 The ice show wins easily. The music teacher sounds like a brat. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Another vote for ice show. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slackermom Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 That recital policy is stupid. And the teacher is the one who changed the planned date without getting confirmation that the new time works for everyone. So, I think the teacher should deal with the repercussions, not your child. Enjoy the skate show. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 I'd "drop out" of the music lessons a few weeks before the recital. I'd send an email (not mentioning the recital) saying, 'Thanks for the great lessons; this activity doesn't fit our schedule any longer; suzy's last day will be x.' Hopefully this will not fit the teacher's definition of 'missing the recital' -- so he will be able to continue with the recital for his other students. (It's probably an empty threat anyways, so he really only needs to be able to *say* that your dd technically 'quit during the season' not 'cancelled on the recital' to save face.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowmama Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 I'd "drop out" of the music lessons a few weeks before the recital. I'd send an email (not mentioning the recital) saying, 'Thanks for the great lessons; this activity doesn't fit our schedule any longer; suzy's last day will be x.' Hopefully this will not fit the teacher's definition of 'missing the recital' -- so he will be able to continue with the recital for his other students. (It's probably an empty threat anyways, so he really only needs to be able to *say* that your dd technically 'quit during the season' not 'cancelled on the recital' to save face.) The recital is next weekend. He only told me a week and a half before the new (earlier) date. I've already paid for the lesson, and as difficult as I find it to get along with him, he is a good teacher, and we do plan to continue with piano (just with someone else). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 What a nut! If DD just doesn't show for the piano recital, does she inconvenience anyone? (I assume all individual pieces?) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 I think it's an empty threat anyway. If he cancels the recital, he will anger everyone and jeopardize his entire business. It's unlikely he would follow through on that. That's my suspicion as well. I'd do the skate show. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Agree with everyone else. Drop out or decline the recital and let the teacher respond as he wants. But with the dates moving that's not your fault. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 The skate show. She was committed to that first in addition to several people counting on her. The piano teacher changed the date and didn't let people know in a timely manner. It's on him that she ended up inadvertently double booked. And I'd be *very* surprised if he canceled the recital now. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Ice show. It is the prior commitment and group choreography. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 (edited) What a nut! If DD just doesn't show for the piano recital, does she inconvenience anyone? (I assume all individual pieces?) :iagree: The guy sounds like a loon, and as Storygirl said, if he tries to cancel the recital, the other parents will be livid, so it sounds like an empty threat to me. But wow, what a control freak! Obviously, I'm voting for the skate show. I would have picked it anyway, but that teacher's attitude really solidified it for me. Edited May 13, 2017 by Catwoman 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Ice show 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Ice show has my vote, hands down. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 (edited) Ice show. He can't cancel the recital without incurring the wrath of every other parent and student and alienating his customer base - especially since it makes absolutely no sense to cancel the event for one student's non-participation since it is not an ensemble performance. And if he does, that is on him, not your DD. Edited May 13, 2017 by regentrude 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 The recital is next weekend. He only told me a week and a half before the new (earlier) date. I've already paid for the lesson, and as difficult as I find it to get along with him, he is a good teacher, and we do plan to continue with piano (just with someone else).Oh, ok. I think I'd go a bit passive-agressive on him and email something like... "I'm terribly sorry to let you know that dd has a prior commitment on x day from y o'clock to z o'clock. She can't attend the recital now that it has been rescheduled to that date. I thought it was only fair to let you know as soon as possible, because I understand that you are committed to cancelling the recitals of all your other students due to this scheduling conflict that has arisen in my daughters case. It may still be possible for you to get back your deposit on the facility. I hope hard feelings among your other students can be kept to a minimum because I know that their recital means a lot to them, and many of them will be disappointed with it being taken away. The recital also meant a lot to my daughter, which is why we carefully kept the original date open so she could participate. It's unfortunate that the new recital date simply can't be made to work for her.' 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 She's not even going to see him again for a lesson before the recital? In the interest of all the other piano families who want their recital, I might not even tell him until the day before. He's clearly okay with short notice, after all. :rolleyes: Really, I don't think you're obligated to him to do much. You're paying him for lessons. The recital is a service that the piano teacher provides to YOU as the family. The ice show is entirely different. It's a group that your dd volunteered to perform with in an integral part. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 She's not even going to see him again for a lesson before the recital? In the interest of all the other piano families who want their recital, I might not even tell him until the day before. He's clearly okay with short notice, after all. :rolleyes: Really, I don't think you're obligated to him to do much. You're paying him for lessons. The recital is a service that the piano teacher provides to YOU as the family. The ice show is entirely different. It's a group that your dd volunteered to perform with in an integral part. This, except I wouldn't give any notice at all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 I would not mention his threat to cancel the recital at all. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 (edited) "I'm terribly sorry to let you know that dd has a prior commitment on x day from y o'clock to z o'clock. She can't attend the recital now that it has been rescheduled to that date." This is all I would tell him. The rest is just stirring up drama. I definitely wouldn't remind him of his threat to cancel the whole recital. Edited May 13, 2017 by Word Nerd 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 This is all I would tell him. The rest is just stirring up drama. I definitely wouldn't remind him of his threat to cancel the whole recital.That's probably smarter. I sometimes have this urge to really bring people face to face with their foolishness -- it's not my best trait. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 What would happen if you just didn't show up to the recital without prior notice? With only an hour notice? (Note: I would never recommend this in normal situations, but if you truly think he would cancel the recital for the other kids, it may be the best way to attend the skate event without harming the other piano students) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38carrots Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Oh, ok. I think I'd go a bit passive-agressive on him and email something like... "I'm terribly sorry to let you know that dd has a prior commitment on x day from y o'clock to z o'clock. She can't attend the recital now that it has been rescheduled to that date. I thought it was only fair to let you know as soon as possible, because I understand that you are committed to cancelling the recitals of all your other students due to this scheduling conflict that has arisen in my daughters case. It may still be possible for you to get back your deposit on the facility. I hope hard feelings among your other students can be kept to a minimum because I know that their recital means a lot to them, and many of them will be disappointed with it being taken away. The recital also meant a lot to my daughter, which is why we carefully kept the original date open so she could participate. It's unfortunate that the new recital date simply can't be made to work for her.' This would be very cathartic to write, but probably better not send. I would simply not show up for the recital, just in case the teacher loses his mind and actually cancels. It is much simpler to simply not show up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 (edited) I would do the skate show. You will forfiet any fees paid to the recital, but there isn't anything you can do about that. Sometimes, when you have one person drop out of an event, then you end up with several others dropping out also. He may be trying to prevent this situation (his high-pressure method works or this wouldn't be a problem for you) but is risking a lot by doing so. I think it is going to backfire on him! If you want to call his bluff, then tell him a head of time. If you know any of the other parents, I would enlist them to help pressure him to keep the show scheduled as planned. If you don't like confrontation, just don't show, and send him a text After the parent arrival time to the recital that you won't be attending. That way the house is already filled, so it will be much harder to send everyone home. I wouldn't say why. No reason. No expalnation. Just not attending due to an emergent situation and you hope the show turns out amazing. Ignore any texts you recieve from him but later, after the show is over, offer to discuss it in a week or two. Edited May 14, 2017 by Tap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malory Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Having dealt with loons of piano teachers, hands-down she needs to do the show. :lol: I so love juicy tales of crazy piano teachers. Please share if you feel inclined. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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