s/o Forum Discussion/Discourse How-to

[IfIOnly]

Re: the Medicaid thread and Susan's comments. I've waited around a looong for someone else to start this discussion and either missed it, or it hasn't come up as a specific topic. I don't feel I have much to say or much of value to add, except I would totally watch a video or read an article from SWB about it. I just mostly wanted to listen to y'all discuss your opinions and thoughts. Thanks.

[Liz CA]

Opinions and thoughts would probably be fine but personal attacks are being frowned on by moderators.

Attacking issues instead of each other is the key - I think.

[Catwoman]

Opinions and thoughts would probably be fine but personal attacks are being frowned on by moderators.

Attacking issues instead of each other is the key - I think.

:iagree:

 

It can be difficult to debate the issues, though, when there are people who seem to start threads in an aggressive manner, almost as though they're looking for a fight, and they get angry as soon as anyone questions them or disagrees with them.

 

It's hard to focus on the issue at hand when someone starts acting like a victim because others post a differing opinion, even when no one has actually attacked the person on a personal level. On the other hand, there are also at least a few posters who seem to be judged negatively no matter what they post, so that's problematic as well.

 

I don't envy Susan and the moderators. They have a tough job and I'm sure it's hard to know when to let a thread keep going and when it's time to close it or delete it. Generally, I'm not in favor of deleting entire threads, but I do understand why some have to be closed.

[Farrar]

If you missed the thread, it was definitely all directed at a single poster... It probably should have been a JAWM because she mostly just needed to vent about a difficult day and situation. I think if you want to start a thread about medicaid with genuine questions and thoughts and are open to debate, that this forum is actually better at this than most places on the internet. Maybe not today... or when we get off on the wrong foot...

[Crimson Wife]

It is not helpful to tell someone who has had a bad experience that they should be grateful it wasn't worse. And there was a LOT of that going on in the deleted thread.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Catwoman]

If you missed the thread, it was definitely all directed at a single poster... It probably should have been a JAWM because she mostly just needed to vent about a difficult day and situation. I think if you want to start a thread about medicaid with genuine questions and thoughts and are open to debate, that this forum is actually better at this than most places on the internet. Maybe not today... or when we get off on the wrong foot...

Oops. I hope I didn't misunderstand what ifionlyhadabrain wanted to discuss in this thread.

 

I was thinking she wanted to talk about forum etiquette and what's appropriate and what's inappropriate to post, particularly in a potentially contentious thread.

 

Sorry if my post was off-base!

 

I didn't think we were supposed to start new threads to discuss deleted threads, so that's why I thought ifionlyhadabrain mentioned the other thread as just an example of a thread that ended badly, not because she wanted to re-hash that specific topic.

[Farrar]

Oops. I hope I didn't misunderstand what ifionlyhadabrain wanted to discuss in this thread.

 

I was thinking she wanted to talk about forum etiquette and what's appropriate and what's inappropriate to post, particularly in a potentially contentious thread.

 

Sorry if my post was off-base!

 

I didn't think we were supposed to start new threads to discuss deleted threads, so that's why I thought ifionlyhadabrain mentioned the other thread as just an example of a thread that ended badly, not because she wanted to re-hash that specific topic.

 

No, maybe I'm off base. Her wording was slightly unclear... I'm not sure if she wanted to discuss the topic of the previous deleted thread or if she wanted to discuss forum decorum (because when I can rhyme, I can't stop myself!).

 

We're not supposed to just restart threads... though I did think that one just had the wrong premise to let everyone discuss so we all (and I'll include me) ended up ganging up on the OP. There was also history there.

 

Of course, we're also not really supposed to discuss the forums on the forums... which... that's not explicitly in the rules so I'm never sure on that one, but I've seen it said. I sort of think discussions of how to behave and discuss and listen and so forth in a particular community are useful, in part because there are genuinely different ways to do it in different contexts. But... 

[Catwoman]

No, maybe I'm off base. Her wording was slightly unclear... I'm not sure if she wanted to discuss the topic of the previous deleted thread or if she wanted to discuss forum decorum (because when I can rhyme, I can't stop myself!).

 

We're not supposed to just restart threads... though I did think that one just had the wrong premise to let everyone discuss so we all (and I'll include me) ended up ganging up on the OP. There was also history there.

 

Of course, we're also not really supposed to discuss the forums on the forums... which... that's not explicitly in the rules so I'm never sure on that one, but I've seen it said. I sort of think discussions of how to behave and discuss and listen and so forth in a particular community are useful, in part because there are genuinely different ways to do it in different contexts. But...

I think Forum Decorum should have been the thread title. I love that!!! :lol:

[IfIOnly]

Oops. I hope I didn't misunderstand what ifionlyhadabrain wanted to discuss in this thread.

 

I was thinking she wanted to talk about forum etiquette and what's appropriate and what's inappropriate to post, particularly in a potentially contentious thread.

 

Sorry if my post was off-base!

 

I didn't think we were supposed to start new threads to discuss deleted threads, so that's why I thought ifionlyhadabrain mentioned the other thread as just an example of a thread that ended badly, not because she wanted to re-hash that specific topic.

Oh, totally yes. I in no way want to re-hash the last thread. I probably should have just kept waiting for someone else to broach this subject. Lol. Sigh.

 

I def. got some further understanding from you all about how to navigate discussion on a forum. Thanks.

[OneStepAtATime]

Re: the Medicaid thread and Susan's comments. I've waited around a looong for someone else to start this discussion and either missed it, or it hasn't come up as a specific topic. I don't feel I have much to say or much of value to add, except I would totally watch a video or read an article from SWB about it. I just mostly wanted to listen to y'all discuss your opinions and thoughts. Thanks.

Are you wanting a discussion on forum functionality/etiquette that prevents a thread from being locked/deleted, besides just generally avoiding forbidden topics?

 

PREFACING THIS BY SAYING I DID NOT READ THE THREAD THAT WAS RECENTLY LOCKED/DELETED UNTIL AFTER IT WAS LOCKED AND DELETED SO THIS IS NOT ADDRESSING ANYTHING ON THAT THREAD.

 

I think there are several things that I as an individual poster can do to help prevent a thread from being shut down/deleted (as far as I can see) and these things apply to all sides of a conversation.  Doesn't guarantee anything but it can help.

 

1.  Put JAWM in the title if I don't want opposing opinions.

2.  Don't make blanket statements with strong emotion without JAWM in the title if I don't want someone of a strong opposing opinion to post strongly in return.

3.  Address the issue being posted about, not my personal feelings regarding another poster.

4.  Be polite even if I feel strongly about the topic or don't particularly like the poster I am responding to.  There are ways to post strong opinions without sounding like I am attacking someone else.

5.  Don't knee jerk react based on personal issues with a particular poster or topic from past history. In other words, address the actual post on that particular thread, not past issues from past threads. 

6.  Accept that sometimes people are having a really bad day and just posting to vent.  They probably should have put JAWM in the title but maybe they forgot.  What they really may need is some support and time to process through whatever is upsetting them.  If I don't feel like being supportive, consider bowing out of the conversation and giving them a chance to calm down.  If the topic is of interest to me, start a new thread regarding just that topic, not what the OP is struggling with personally.

7.  Keep in mind that others cannot see my face or hear my voice so if I am posting regarding something I feel strongly about I should reread my post before posting it to try and make sure I am actually saying what I intended to say and with the tone I intended to convey.

8.  Try to avoid topics that are triggering if I don't feel emotionally capable of posting in a mature fashion.

9.  Accept that this is a limited form of communication and errors in understanding are bound to happen.  Before reacting in anger/hurt/annoyance, reread the post(s) that are bothering me and consider that maybe they either misunderstood what I was saying or I am misunderstanding what they are saying.  Ask for clarification/offer clarification before reacting based on my emotions.

10.  If I get into a back and forth disagreement with another poster that seems not to be progressing, especially if we are no longer addressing the OP or the OP's original post, instead of letting our disagreement derail the OPs thread, consider seriously just bowing out.  

 

I'm sure there are other things but those are things I thought of off the top of my head that I try to keep in mind.  Was this the type of thing you were referring to?  If not, I apologize.   :)

Edited March 4, 2017 by OneStepAtATime

[IfIOnly]

I apologize. Though the content is probably okay (genuinely interested), the timing of my post was probably off. My bad.

[Catwoman]

I apologize. Though the content is probably okay (genuinely interested), the timing of my post was probably off. My bad.

I think it's fine. :)

[OneStepAtATime]

I apologize. Though the content is probably okay (genuinely interested), the timing of my post was probably off. My bad.

Hey, I think it's fine, too!  Seriously.  :)

[EndOfOrdinary]

I have a question about how to re-rail a thread (or conversation for that matter) once it has become apparent that it is sliding into the blinking red light territory. How does one get the focus away from aggression, name calling, personal attack, feeling defensive, and back to a place where people are actually making progress with discussion?

 

Maybe this is not possible. I am personally terrible at it. Often, I say something and it turns out I worded it wrong. It normally blindsides me. Any others out there gifted at smoothing the waters once dullards like me get things all murky?

[EMS83]

OneStepAtATime said everything I was going to say, except more and better.  :D 

 

And I second EndOfOrdinary's question, though I doubt she's a dullard.  :) 

[Guest]

I think if people stop being rude, petty jerks we'd have less issues.

 

Even if someone posts something objectionable, offensive, or grating, dogpiling them pretty much does nothing to actually help or change any of that. It just compounds the issue and polarized everyone involved.

[IfIOnly]

Are you wanting a discussion on forum functionality/etiquette that prevents a thread from being locked/deleted, besides just generally avoiding forbidden topics?

 

PREFACING THIS BY SAYING I DID NOT READ THE THREAD THAT WAS RECENTLY LOCKED/DELETED UNTIL AFTER IT WAS LOCKED AND DELETED SO THIS IS NOT ADDRESSING ANYTHING ON THAT THREAD.

 

I think there are several things that I as an individual poster can do to help prevent a thread from being shut down/deleted (as far as I can see) and these things apply to all sides of a conversation. Doesn't guarantee anything but it can help.

 

1. Put JAWM in the title if I don't want opposing opinions.

2. Don't make blanket statements with strong emotion without JAWM in the title if I don't want someone of a strong opposing opinion to post strongly in return.

3. Address the issue being posted about, not my personal feelings regarding another poster.

4. Be polite even if I feel strongly about the topic or don't particularly like the poster I am responding to. There are ways to post strong opinions without sounding like I am attacking someone else.

5. Don't knee jerk react based on personal issues with a particular poster or topic from past history. In other words, address the actual post on that particular thread, not past issues from past threads.

6. Accept that sometimes people are having a really bad day and just posting to vent. They probably should have put JAWM in the title but maybe they forgot. What they really may need is some support and time to process through whatever is upsetting them. If I don't feel like being supportive, consider bowing out of the conversation and giving them a chance to calm down. If the topic is of interest to me, start a new thread regarding just that topic, not what the OP is struggling with personally.

7. Keep in mind that others cannot see my face or hear my voice so if I am posting regarding something I feel strongly about I should reread my post before posting it to try and make sure I am actually saying what I intended to say and with the tone I intended to convey.

8. Try to avoid topics that are triggering if I don't feel emotionally capable of posting in a mature fashion.

9. Accept that this is a limited form of communication and errors in understanding are bound to happen. Before reacting in anger/hurt/annoyance, reread the post(s) that are bothering me and consider that maybe they either misunderstood what I was saying or I am misunderstanding what they are saying. Ask for clarification/offer clarification before reacting based on my emotions.

10. If I get into a back and forth disagreement with another poster that seems not to be progressing, especially if we are no longer addressing the OP or the OP's original post, instead of letting our disagreement derail the OPs thread, consider seriously just bowing out.

 

I'm sure there are other things but those are things I thought of off the top of my head that I try to keep in mind. Was this the type of thing you were referring to? If not, I apologize. :)

Yes, exactly! Thank you!

[MerryAtHope]

 forum decorum (because when I can rhyme, I can't stop myself!).

:lol:

[Farrar]

I have a question about how to re-rail a thread (or conversation for that matter) once it has become apparent that it is sliding into the blinking red light territory. How does one get the focus away from aggression, name calling, personal attack, feeling defensive, and back to a place where people are actually making progress with discussion?

 

Maybe this is not possible. I am personally terrible at it. Often, I say something and it turns out I worded it wrong. It normally blindsides me. Any others out there gifted at smoothing the waters once dullards like me get things all murky?

 

I think it can be done sometimes by bringing a totally new point into the discussion. Oftentimes (and I'm sure I'm guilty of this too), conversations just go along with people basically saying the same things over and over, even if half the people are saying one thing and half are saying another. I think breaking into the repetitiveness with a different perspective, an article that has actual statistics or new information or an expert or personal view of the topic that no one can express in the thread... I think that stuff sometimes gets things back on track.

[Ellie]

I have a question about how to re-rail a thread (or conversation for that matter) once it has become apparent that it is sliding into the blinking red light territory. How does one get the focus away from aggression, name calling, personal attack, feeling defensive, and back to a place where people are actually making progress with discussion?

 

Maybe this is not possible. I am personally terrible at it. Often, I say something and it turns out I worded it wrong. It normally blindsides me. Any others out there gifted at smoothing the waters once dullards like me get things all murky?

 

You can't re-rail a discussion gone bad. You can only walk away so as not to perpetuate it.

[Scarlett]

I would definitely watch SWB teach a class in this.

 

I have learned a lot on these boards......sometimes I have learned from being moderated and once even from warning points. I have also learned from people like Cat who always look for the good.....and from people with a strong sense of reason and logic like lucystoner.

 

On the topic that got deleted I had several serious questions.....only one of them was answered.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You can't re-rail a discussion gone bad. You can only walk away so as not to perpetuate it.

There used to be kilts. But we can't do that anymore...

[OneStepAtATime]

There used to be kilts. But we can't do that anymore...

I miss kilts and cupcakes...

[Guest]

It takes me much longer than It used to take for me to respond thoughtfully to a thread instead of just reacting. This is one of those threads. But I'm posting this comment so I will get the little star that makes it easy to find the thread when I am ready.

 

Come to think of it, maybe that in itself is part of the response. :0)

[OneStepAtATime]

Here's one I forgot...

 

I can walk away. I really can just virtually walk away. With the click of a mouse I can simply exit. It is so much simpler than an argument with a person in my living room or a relative I cannot easily avoid interacting with. This thread topic/poster that is stressing me out cannot force me to stay. They only have power over me if I let them. I'm not going to let them. I'm going to WALK AWAY and maybe go eat chocolate and binge watch something comforting and most importantly I am going to go love on my family (or if they are all in bed then I will go love on a cat) and just leave it all behind. When I return the next day I can hop into some other conversation and pretend the other one never happened.

 

:laugh:

Edited March 4, 2017 by OneStepAtATime

[Cinder]

There used to be kilts. But we can't do that anymore...

 

I keep seeing this in British shows so maybe they've got something there ... we might just have to distract ourselves with some very sweet, hot tea.

 

 

:lol:

[Catwoman]

I would definitely watch SWB teach a class in this.

 

I have learned a lot on these boards......sometimes I have learned from being moderated and once even from warning points. I have also learned from people like Cat who always look for the good.....and from people with a strong sense of reason and logic like lucystoner.

 

On the topic that got deleted I had several serious questions.....only one of them was answered.

You're so nice! :)

 

But I have to admit that there have been plenty of times when I haven't been as nice or as patient as I should have been, or I have gotten frustrated with someone and posted instead of stepping away from the computer.

[Pawz4me]

There used to be kilts. But we can't do that anymore...

 

I absolutely detested when people did that. I thought it was horribly rude and condescending to those who wanted to discuss the issue.

[marbel]

Here's one I forgot...

 

I can walk away.  I really can just virtually walk away.  With the click of a mouse I can simply exit.  It is so much simpler than an argument with a person in my living room or a relative I cannot easily avoid interacting with.  This thread topic/poster that is stressing me out cannot forcing me to stay.  They only have power over me if I let them.  I'm not going to let them. I'm going to WALK AWAY and maybe go eat chocolate and binge watch something comforting and most importantly I am going to go love on my family (or if they are all in bed then I will go love on a cat) and just leave it all behind.  When I return the next day I can hop into some other conversation and pretend the other one never happened.

 

:laugh:

 

This, along with your original list, are just about perfect, I think.  

 

Sometimes people have a hard time walking away.  I think it's a rare person who doesn't succumb to the lure of "someone's wrong on the internet and it's up to me to correct them."   I know I have done that, and regretted it.  

 

I think another thing that can help is to resist the urge to be snarky.  Sometimes a clever, sarcastic/snarky comment (or put-down) will pop naturally into the mind, and it can be hard to resist.  Everyone likes the opportunity to be clever and funny.  But sometimes it's just not appropriate.  

[EMS83]

I would definitely watch SWB teach a class in this.

 

I have learned a lot on these boards......sometimes I have learned from being moderated and once even from warning points. I have also learned from people like Cat who always look for the good.....and from people with a strong sense of reason and logic like lucystoner.

 

On the topic that got deleted I had several serious questions.....only one of them was answered.

 

And I think you should get answers without threat of argument.  Is that just a subject that doesn't go over well here?  I don't know the forum well enough to say.  If it was just that thread, then start a new one?  If it's a "let sleeping dogs lie" subject, then maybe PMs are an option?  I know how frustrating unanswered questions can be, or wanting to discuss facets of a charged issue without incurring arguments or stereotypes.  I've been on all sides of that one.  :(  (Not necessarily with this subject or in this forum; it seems to be a human thing, or maybe it's just me.)

[Scarlett]

A lot of us have been on these boards for a loooong time. We know a lot of the back story and we can't help but pre judge based upon other threads.

 

If we think about this board as a community there are naturally people that we find too unreasonable, or morally outraged, or morally bancrupt to have a relationship with. If they were office mates or neighbors we would just smile and wave and avoid them as much as possible. We don't do that here. We try to reason with people who are not going to be reasoned with, we confront people who we already know don't believe as we do on moral or social issues and we lambast people we think are self righteous.

[OneStepAtATime]

A lot of us have been on these boards for a loooong time. We know a lot of the back story and we can't help but pre judge based upon other threads.

 

If we think about this board as a community there are naturally people that we find too unreasonable, or morally outraged, or morally bancrupt to have a relationship with. If they were office mates or neighbors we would just smile and wave and avoid them as much as possible. We don't do that here. We try to reason with people who are not going to be reasoned with, we confront people who we already know don't believe as we do on moral or social issues and we lambast people we think are self righteous.

I do think about this board as a community.  There are some posters I am friends with (even if we will never meet face to face we are absolutely friends) and some I tend to think along the same lines with consistently across the board and some I find very insightful  so I tend to find myself drifting to their posts for a bit of knowledge/understanding I may have been missing and some I know have struggled and tend to hop on their threads to offer support, etc.

 

I recognize that there are also posters I don't agree with.  I have had to learn which ones I can have a discussion with even if we don't agree and which ones we will just waste each other's time going round and round ad nauseum.  There are some posters that I disagree with on just about everything but we respect each other and listen and have an open discourse without rancor.  We learn about opposing views and are both better from the interaction and knowledge/opinions shared.  I value their input and their willingness to share and I respect their opinion even if we don't agree.

 

There are others that I disagree with on just about everything where a healthy dialogue is simply not possible.  We butt heads terribly, dialogue dissolves into something ugly and definitely not helpful and it satisfies no one.  In the latter instance it makes no sense to me to keep repeating the same tired discourse if I know ahead of time we won't move forward/gain anything from it.  It is in my power to walk away.  I don't HAVE to keep beating my head against a brick wall.

[Scarlett]

I do think about this board as a community. There are some posters I am friends with (even if we will never meet face to face we are absolutely friends) and some I tend to think along the same lines with consistently across the board and some I find very insightful so I tend to find myself drifting to their posts for a bit of knowledge/understanding I may have been missing and some I know have struggled and tend to hop on their threads to offer support, etc.

 

I recognize that there are also posters I don't agree with. I have had to learn which ones I can have a discussion with even if we don't agree and which ones we will just waste each other's time going round and round ad nauseum. There are some posters that I disagree with on just about everything but we respect each other and listen and have an open discourse without rancor. We learn about opposing views and are both better from the interaction and knowledge/opinions shared. I value their input and their willingness to share and I respect their opinion even if we don't agree.

 

There are others that I disagree with on just about everything where a healthy dialogue is simply not possible. We butt heads terribly, dialogue dissolves into something ugly and definitely not helpful and it satisfies no one. In the latter instance it makes no sense to me to keep repeating the same tired discourse if I know ahead of time we won't move forward/gain anything from it. It is in my power to walk away. I don't HAVE to keep beating my head against a brick wall.

Yes. One problem is when I or any other board member is having a conversation and someone else comes along and jumps in to attack and it distracts from the original topic.

 

And even if we have heard the same thing from the same person over and over it doesn't mean everyone has. It is a big board, people come and go.

[OneStepAtATime]

Yes. One problem is when I or any other board member is having a conversation and someone else comes along and jumps in to attack and it distracts from the original topic.

 

And even if we have heard the same thing from the same person over and over it doesn't mean everyone has. It is a big board, people come and go.

Agreed. And sometimes it gets really frustrating when certain posters dog pile on another poster over and over and make it impossible for that poster to actually continue a dialogue.

 

I don't see how that can be completely avoided though. All I can do is control my own actions and try not to make a situation derail because of my own choices. This thread, it seemed to me, was about what we as individuals can do to try to keep a thread from derailing/getting locked/getting deleted based on our own actions. Will everyone have that as one of their goals and be willing to take any of the suggestions on this thread and elsewhere under consideration? No, probably not. All we can do is control our own actions and hope others are reasonable.

Edited March 4, 2017 by OneStepAtATime

[Scarlett]

We have the tendency to dog pile when we think the OP is standing behind an unreasonable and illogical position. I think we each think our way of saying something will be the trick that makes OP see the light.

 

So I am going to try and stay off dog piles.

[Arctic Bunny]

I was going to say, sometimes the best option is just not to reply at all, but you beat me to it. If I read through and see that what I was going to say has already been said, there's not much point in posting, especially if it's going to result in a piling on. Depending on what it is, even a quote and "I agree" isn't really necessary; a "like" on the post I agree with suffices.

And, yes, I realize I just did what I said I try not to do, but there you go....

[OneStepAtATime]

😀

[MercyA]

OneStepAtATime, your list is brilliant.

 

One thing that I might add is that I think we should take people at their word. It's not productive or kind to question other posters' personal experiences, to guess at their motives, or to accuse them of being insincere. I think most of us here are frank, honest people, and, generally speaking, I believe we should trust and listen to each other. 

[EMS83]

OneStepAtATime, your list is brilliant.

 

One thing that I might add is that I think we should take people at their word. It's not productive or kind to question other posters' personal experiences, to guess at their motives, or to accuse them of being insincere. I think most of us here are frank, honest people, and, generally speaking, I believe we should trust and listen to each other. 

 

This deserves an  :iagree:

[OneStepAtATime]

One more thing that I thought I would mention are private chat groups.  If you find that you really need to discuss something of a sensitive nature or you know it is often a controversial topic that derails easily or you just have interest in having on-going dialogue regarding something that you would like to pursue in more depth but would rather limit the participants to a smaller group, consider starting a private chat group.  Create the group, set the privacy settings to the level you need, then invite those you feel might be interested.

 

I have been a member of several.  Some are short lived and were created for a specific purpose that was served then they were ended.  Others were created for broader purposes and have periodic activity as needed.  Still others were started for one purpose but their reason for existing morphed over time into something completely different. What has been nice is having that avenue for discussion in more depth as we wished/needed without everyone's information being searchable on the internet in general.  It has also allowed various groups to pursue topics that are traditionally harder to discuss on the chat board.  Even if we don't agree (and often we don't), the more "intimate" setting of a private chat group has kept people mostly treating people with respect and understanding while also allowing for significant in depth discussion.

[Χά�ων]

Opinions and thoughts would probably be fine but personal attacks are being frowned on by moderators.

Attacking issues instead of each other is the key - I think.

Hmm. But what if the underlying issue is a poster who is continuely refusing to do anything to help themselves and instead is stuck in a victim mentality blaming a completely irrelevent piece of legislation? That was the issue. Not Medicaid. Not the lack of JAWN. The constistent refusal to do what needs to be done to ensure she is informed to get her children what they need.

[Χά�ων]

OneStepAtATime, your list is brilliant.

 

One thing that I might add is that I think we should take people at their word. It's not productive or kind to question other posters' personal experiences, to guess at their motives, or to accuse them of being insincere. I think most of us here are frank, honest people, and, generally speaking, I believe we should trust and listen to each other.

Honestly, I do not see people questioning sincerity as much as pointing out facts that contridict what a poster says. Especially when what a poster claims is almost word for word out of a fear mongering narrative that adds fuel to certain political leaning fires and is easily debunked. I know that is my biggest pet peeve.

[IfIOnly]

s/o threads sometimes work to 're-rail'.

 

But really, if people just stopped being wrong on the internet, so many of these problems could be averted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

joking!

:)

LOL!

[OneStepAtATime]

s/o threads sometimes work to 're-rail'. 

 

But really, if people just stopped being wrong on the internet, so many of these problems could be averted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

joking! 

:)

:lol:

 

Of course!  Why didn't I think of that?

[JudoMom]

Hmm. But what if the underlying issue is a poster who is continuely refusing to do anything to help themselves and instead is stuck in a victim mentality blaming a completely irrelevent piece of legislation? That was the issue. Not Medicaid. Not the lack of JAWN. The constistent refusal to do what needs to be done to ensure she is informed to get her children what they need.

 

What is the point of this post?  The only thing I can see is that is shows exactly what a person shouldn't do if they're trying to keep threads on track.  The issue in this thread is how to discuss issues and not attack a person.  You've not discussed that, but instead you've attacked the OP of a thread that was deleted.

 

[JudoMom]

Here are some of my personal posting rules:

1.  Remember that human beings are actually reading what I write.
2.  If something makes my blood boil or makes me angry, I don't respond.
3.  It's not my job to make everyone agree with me.

4.  If something has been said, I don't need to repeat it.
5.  Remember that human beings are actually reading what I write.

[amy g.]

I see the biggest problem being a lack of humility. When someone posts something vastly different from my experience and my preconceived ideas, do I ask myself, "Hmmm...I wonder if there is another side to this issue that I've never considered" or do I justify personal attacks because I know everything about everyone.

 

I know what are the facts. I know who is to blame. I know who is lazy and who is morally bankrupt.

 

How can there ever be positive discourse and community when people are so closed minded?

 

When I've been attacked on the boards, I make it a point to ignore it and not respond. Sometimes it is not worth giving them the satisfaction of a response.

[JudoMom]

I see the biggest problem being a lack of humility. When someone posts something vastly different from my experience and my preconceived ideas, do I ask myself, "Hmmm...I wonder if there is another side to this issue that I've never considered" or do I justify personal attacks because I know everything about everyone.

 

I know what are the facts. I know who is to blame. I know who is lazy and who is morally bankrupt.

 

How can there ever be positive discourse and community when people are so closed minded?

 

When I've been attacked on the boards, I make it a point to ignore it and not respond. Sometimes it is not worth giving them the satisfaction of a response.

 

Yep.  I've learned so much over the past 13 or so years I've been here.  Even if I don't agree with a person, I can learn their thoughts and how they arrived where they landed.

[Χά�ων]

What is the point of this post? The only thing I can see is that is shows exactly what a person shouldn't do if they're trying to keep threads on track. The issue in this thread is how to discuss issues and not attack a person. You've not discussed that, but instead you've attacked the OP of a thread that was deleted.

 

My post is on topic, using the example of the post being discussed. FWIW similar scenerios have played out repeatedly on these boards.

 

So, when the issue is not the issue a poster posts about, but the poster exhibiting behaviors of playing the victim, stating "facts" that are easy to debunk, refusing to take steps to empower themselves, refusing to listen or verify facts that others share, what then? Do those on here who have direct personal and professional experience just bow down and blindly accept what someone posts as gospel truth? I would hope not on a classical education board.

[marbel]

My post is on topic, using the example of the post being discussed. FWIW similar scenerios have played out repeatedly on these boards.

 

So, when the issue is not the issue a poster posts about, but the poster exhibiting behaviors of playing the victim, stating "facts" that are easy to debunk, refusing to take steps to empower themselves, refusing to listen or verify facts that others share, what then? Do those on here who have direct personal and professional experience just bow down and blindly accept what someone posts as gospel truth? I would hope not on a classical education board.

 

I think in that case, a person can say what they want to say, refer to their professional or personal experience, and then, if the posts go unacknowledged, or appear not to be helpful to the OP, I would just stop posting about it.   

 

Lots of threads have posts that go unacknowledged, for various reasons.  A few  years ago there was a poster here who never responded to my direct questions or responses to her posts.  I figured the person must have put me on "ignore" but I couldn't think of why - I never thought we had any conflicts in particular (though we disagreed on many issues).  Eventually I just stopped posting on her threads, or responding to her posts, even if I felt I had something worthwhile/helpful to say.     Evidently, to her, I didn't, no matter what the subject was. 

 

Saved me a lot of time, no longer posting unwanted information.

Edited March 5, 2017 by marbel