Moms Who Have Raised Teens....Best Practices/Wish You've Done Different/Etc.

[freesia]

So glad to see the comments on internet/screens. We recently revamped internet rules in our house. I'd gotten relaxed (but actually still strict by most standards) about portable devices and social media thinking the social life aspect was important.  And, it is, but limited.  In our house we now limit all internet to 2 hours a day (and my kids only text over the internet) and the devices have to be in the common area.  And the number one thing that seems to have improved both my older kids disposition/mental health status has been a no internet after dinner rule.  They hate it, but are a lot (I mean A LOT) happier. 

 

My kids at least have a sweet spot for non-school screen use (and it seems to be an average of 2 hours or less a day).  Anymore and mental health goes down hill.

 

That's my reflection.  I have no advice as I am in the midst of raising teens and have never felt less like I know what I am doing.  Even things like "not hovering" and giving them privacy which I thought would be no brainers for me have gotten complicated by situations and outside influences that are actually dangerous (not just dangerous in my overprotective mind) and where I do need to supervise and hover in ways that impact both my kids and make me crazy because I really can't do what I thought was right in raising teens (and professionals agree with me). It's even hard to read Scarlett's texting thread bc so many parents would think our texting limits are over controlling and headed for rebellion.  But we have experienced huge problems with unlimited and only mildly supervised texting. huge So I feel a bit at sea adrift.  I wish I could go into more detail, but can't.  I guess I wish I'd known how much there isn't a rule book for teens. And how much is just trying to do your best without a rule book and without being able to lift an exhausted, over emotional kid up, cuddle, feed them and put them to be and have it all be better in the morning.

 

And the tech thing being new, with no history to rely on is just plain tough.  I worry about my kids when they leave our home. Hopefully by then they'll recognize how much worse things get when they are addicted to their screens. And the younger ones will not get handheld internet enabled devices until they are 16 or so. Maybe that is the wrong thing to do, but the way we did it seems like the wrong way, too, no matter what others around here may say. 

[Tanaqui]

I can't say anything about parenting a teen yet, because the older kiddo is only 13. I do have a different viewpoint on technology than most people here seem to have:

 

I totally am happy with how much time the kids spend online talking to friends.

 

And this is because I look back to my own experience. Until I learned to type, I had no social skills at all. Sometimes when I say this I know people roll their eyes. They think I have no social skills now. These people didn't know me at the age of 18.

 

The internet opened up the world for me. And here we are, all of us, talking together :)

[Guest]

Listen.

Ask questions, don't tell.  Be Socratic as much as you can.

 

I regret every single time I yelled at my son.  :::tears:::

 

Let them separate from you gracefully.  Be glad they want to go out with their friends on Christmas night (I actually did this one right).  

 

There's a Bible verse that gets used a lot...train up a child in the way he should go...and it's often used to enforce conformity.  While I agree with instill high ethical and moral standards, I also think that a LOT more emphasis should be put on the word "he"--because each kid has a separate path.  I expected and enforced a particular path (which still would not be a bad one) but I should have helped him find HIS path...the way HE should go.  Not every kid has college in the immediate future...and it's OK.  

 

Work and chores are important.  Time hangs heavy on a lot of kids' hands these days.  The result is often "money for nothing and your chicks for free."  Most teens do better with a lot of their time being structured.  If yours can do that on his own, great, but most kids need outside activities and jobs and so on.  

 

Frankly, you're doing great even to have asked the question.  :0). Love love love on them.  

 

And by the way, I found 16-18 the most awkward years...they are basically "formed" but not on their own and where there is conflict between their choices and yours..it's a little close in one house sometimes.  :0)

 

[purplejackmama]

Things I would change:

 

Requiring that my oldest get a job when he turned 16.

Are you saying you would require him to work at 16 or you regret making him work at 16?

[Alicia64]

I'll PM you.

 

I'd sure love this cocktail too!

 

Alley

[Rosyl]

I am still in the midst of parenting teens. one almost 18 the other 16 and another one getting ready to be 13.

 

The best thing I did is state a goal:    We need to get through this and still like each other.  The teenage years are hard.  It is natural to feel rebellion.  Pick your battles and be respectful because we have to get through this and still like each other.

 

I repeated this to oldest often.  I repeat in to my second, often.  I had to tell dd starting this year.

 

That was just my goal because I want my kids to enjoy me now and later, too.  I didn't really know what the benefits would be until this year, 4 years after I started to state the goal.  They are ok with feeling rebellious because they know it is normal.  They know when wanting to buck the system(house rules) it needs to be worth it and they need to be respectful.  They know they are loved.  Having the goal gave a sense of purpose and something to work toward.  I really didn't have a vision of the final point, sometimes I wasn't sure we would/will make it to the other side.

 

just in case I made this sound really pretty, it hasn't been.  my boys are difficult and i love them.  there have been tears and shouts and consequences.  mine and theirs.  but we remember the goal. 

 

Parenting teens is so hard.

 

 

[lisabees]

Are you saying you would require him to work at 16 or you regret making him work at 16?

 

That was unclear!

 

Given a second chance, I would require that he get a job at the age of 16.  :)

[teachermom2834]

That was unclear!

 

Given a second chance, I would require that he get a job at the age of 16.   :)

 

Thanks for clarifying!  When I saw your post I was surprised because a job has been fantastic for my 16 yo. 

[madteaparty]

Things that have worked: a lot of freedom, with the knowledge that a screwup was going to mean me taking control. I was just talking to a friend about this today. She's a single mom now, with really tough kids, and she's struggling. I was able to share how blessed my kids were with their freedom. However, we believe in keeping kids busy, very busy. The kids have all worked, done 4-H, sports, etc. Oldest was running her trainer's barn at the age of 15, along with her own violin studio. One had one of the largest Shetland Sheep flocks in the state. One got her pilot's license, etc. Ds was the communication liaison for the county disaster team at 15. Youngest was offered a new job just yesterday. Our kids know how to WORK, and are known for being dependable. I got into a heated discussion with a Scout dad who was angry that HIS kids weren't offered county jobs. Well, they have no skills, and they expect time off for hobbies. Not going to happen.

 

Another thing: listening. Yeah, 3-4 times a week, when ds would come lie down on my bedroom floor and say, "Well", I knew we were in for a long night. But hey, he still calls about every other day--had one of those long discussions just today.

 

The offer to pick up anywhere, at any time, holds in our family, and I extend it to my Scouts and to the kids' friends. And I've been called. The rule is I will not yell at you that night. I will go into the house with you if you think your parents will lose it. But you call me if you're in a bad spot, and I will be there. I wanted our kids to get their licenses at 16 so they were not dependent on other drivers.

 

I hate to see parents who are so focused on THEIR lives that their kids take a back seat. My in-laws did that. Nothing mattered but chores and church, and the kids resented it. It was not my life's ambition to learn to wash chickens and time swim meets, but that's what my kids were in to. I wasn't planning on being costume mistress for Peter Pan this year, but my kid loved having me there (though I stayed out of her space). I've learned far more than I ever cared to about rodeo queen clothes, but I wouldn't have missed this past year for the world.

 

And lastly, our kids have to know that they contribute to the family. I watched relatives whose kids wouldn't lift a finger. Not around here. We NEEDED the kids! And now the payback begins, as they try to figure out how we're hanging onto the ranch. We're all in this together. That's the mistake my in-laws made--chores were to make life easy for THEM. And there are huge tensions between the kids now. One daughter has cut off all ties for the last 25+ years, not even showing up for her parents' funerals. That's sad.

Wait. WAIT. Are we supposed to wash the chickens? Real question!

[Bootsie]

I am glad that I did NOT ban the game console in our household.   DH was a bit more lenient about this than I was; so, he was in charge of monitoring games and the amount of time played.  I often cringed out what he allowed,, but in retrospect he made some wise decisions.  For our child, it was a social outlet, as he built some lasting friendships playing video games.   He and DH played games together for hours and it did a lot to build their relationship.  DS appreciates the fact that I tried playing some with him (and that he could laugh at how bad I was or score extra points for beating me so badly).  Yes, my child spent many hours indoors playing what I consider much too violent video games.  Now he is one of the most physically fit people I know (just came in from a 8 mile run) and a pacifist.  

 

I tried hard to listen to my children's interests.  I tried to encourage exploration in those areas, even if it wasn't an area that I was particularly interested in or an area that I thought would interest them for long.  

 

I tried to see my children as individuals with very different personalities.  I am glad I gave up on rules like "you can invite 5 friends for your birthday party."--one child was an extrovert who enjoyed including everyone she knew; the other child was an introvert who would be overwhelmed by more than 2 friends.  

 

I gave my children ample opportunities to interact with a wide variety of adults, sometimes with very different values and customs than our family has.  

 

I encouraged intellectual stimulation--puzzles, games, books, conversation.  I tried to instill a love of learning (some by demonstrating my own learning) without pushing academics.  Both children went through a "I am not going to college phase" which I did not protest.  Instead, I responded, "OK, let's explore what that would look like..."

 

I allowed my children space and time to be friends with each other and develop their own relationship without expecting them to be best friends simply because they were siblings.

[Joules]

I have a 19 ds.  We are so proud of how he is doing in college and real life.  He is comfortable in his own skin and confident in himself.

 

I have to echo the others that say "Number One is Relationship."  Everything else is almost window dressing.  Our family has been through some good times and some really bad times, but we've always faced it together.

 

Things I'm happy I did:  

• We have always let him grow and change on his own schedule.  Sometimes the milestones were earlier, sometimes later.  We never forced him to do anything he wasn't ready for, and did allow him to try things that we were unsure of.  He developed his own sense of what he could do and wanted to do with those freedoms.  
• I had him start working for me when he was 14.  I valued his help (it was huge) and treated him like a colleague rather than a kid.  That relationship bled into our real life and allowed us to go from "mom and kid" to "two adults" gradually.  
• For years I've been in an advisory role rather than an authority one.  Our conflict is reduced, because when I give him advice, it is just that.  Over the teen years, I have dropped the expectation that he will do what I advise, so he doesn't take it as contentious.  He knows my advice comes from years of experience, but sometimes he knows that is not what will work for him.  Sometimes it turns out he is right, sometimes it turns out I was right, but either way the relationship is stays good.
• Allowing him to see my flaws and admitting them.  When he was little I felt like I had to be perfect and always right.  When life turned on us, at some point I had to admit I didn't have all the answers.  When I was wrong I admitted it and apologized, which modeled that behavior to him.

As I type and think, modeling the behaviors I wanted to see was important.  

• When he was little someone once asked me how I made him say "please" and "thank you" and use such polite language.  I was puzzled for a moment, because I had never used "the magic word" trick or anything.  I realized that is how we talked to him and how we talked to each other, so it was just language to him, not "polite" language.  It was a bit awkward to explain because this person never spoke politely to her dh or kids, but was trying everything to make her kids speak nicely to their peers and elders.  
• When he was playing the Gameboy and I walked through, instead of bitching about his gaming, I would remind him to save his game. If I need something from him, I would tell him "When you get to a place to save, come help me X."  It doesn't take them long to translate that to politely waiting for me when I am in the middle of something.  Same thing with reading a book..."good stopping place" is a common phrase here.  
• I've always asked his opinions about things and taken them into account wherever I could. He's proofread my writing for years.  I take criticism graciously (though he is brutal with my writing so I whine a bit.)  But I have to say, I think he is much more likely to value my opinion if I value his.
• I understood that his activities were as important to him as mine were to me, and gave them the same respect that I wanted him to give mine.  

Things I wish I'd done different:

• Trusted in the above advice more.  I had lots of anxiety about whether I was screwing him up for life.
• Had my own life, with more of my own interests that he could share.  Between serious health problems of my own and the last five years of eldercare, my life has often been about taking care of everyone and just getting through the day.  I wish I had modeled taking better care of myself through his whole life.

 

Maybe he was just destined to be a great person or maybe I made a difference.  I can't answer that, but I am very thankful that the way I raised him ended up with us as friends rather than adversaries.

 

ETA:  I'm pretty good at following the adage, "If you can't say something nice...", but I wanted to mention for those looking for advice, please don't take the positive take on the above as evidence that this was an easy journey ;-)  I will only express negative things about myself.

Edited December 29, 2016 by Joules

[Joules]

 

 

There's a Bible verse that gets used a lot...train up a child in the way he should go...and it's often used to enforce conformity.  While I agree with instill high ethical and moral standards, I also think that a LOT more emphasis should be put on the word "he"--because each kid has a separate path.  I expected and enforced a particular path (which still would not be a bad one) but I should have helped him find HIS path...the way HE should go.  Not every kid has college in the immediate future...and it's OK.  

 

 

I think this is so important.  We met and became friends with a family with three teens quite a few years ago.  Early on ds said, "I can't believe they are siblings, they are SO different from each other."  Before I even thought about it, the response that came out of my mouth was, "That is good parenting.  Letting each of your kids be who they are."  It was actually an epiphanal moment for me.

Edited December 29, 2016 by Joules

[madteaparty]

Chickens are rather easy to wash for show--you take three buckets (outside!) and add chicken shampoo to the first (yes, it's a real thing!). Grab first chicken and stuff if into the bucket of soap and water (btw, wear old clothes) and let flap. They really are self-agitating! Haul said chicken out, and stuff into the first rinse bucket and then into the second. Put chicken into a clean crate and go to town with the hair dryer. When all clean and fluffy (you DID remember to clip toenails and spurs first, didn't you???), you put comb oil on combs and bottoms. Not too much or it attracts dirt. The comb oil has camphor or something in it that perks them right up, so they stand tall and straight on the table--particularly important for roos. If they are white chickens, add 1-2 drops of bluing in the wash water, but not to much or you end up with purple chickens. Alternately, you can use White and Brite horse shampoo that already has bluing in it. It really makes white, silver-laced, or barred chickens sparkle.

 

Would you like to know how to wash a sheep? Or or a steer?

 

Yes, I've led an rather odd life...

I barely wash my children that much. Definitely fewer buckets involved. But this is for show; I'm not supposed to wash my regular chickens, am I ?

[elegantlion]

•  
• Allowing him to see my flaws and admitting them.  When he was little I felt like I had to be perfect and always right.  When life turned on us, at some point I had to admit I didn't have all the answers.  When I was wrong I admitted it and apologized, which modeled that behavior to him.

 

 

 

So much of this post resonated with me, but especially this. I think homeschooling can be good in the sense that our children don't always see our perfect moments. Ex and I used to have a lot of conversations in front of ds, from basic household things to life choices. He saw our day to day thinking and even our bad moments. When needed we would apologize to him for our words or anger. I felt that if we required it from him, we needed to be accountable to him as well. He deals really well with conflict management. 

[freesia]

No, you do not need to wash chickens on a regular basis. Fortunately. The great thing is that the KIDS are pretty much washed after washing chickens, sheep or cattle. They just need a quick rinse as they are already soaked. 

 

Do you mean if I got some chickens, my boys would actually get clean regularly.  That's an idea!!LOL

[Lisa R.]

Important:

--Make sure kids, particularly preteens and teens, are getting their social needs met. If kids are bored and lonely, they can easily be drawn into friendships that are not necessarily healthy but available. Years of the best parenting practices can be quickly undone by one bad friend. A parent needs to do what they can to help their child find and maintain good friendships. Hopefully kid can find great friends in the homeschooling community. However, sometimes it could mean putting them back in school if homeschooling doesn't have peers that would make suitable friends. 

 

--I agree a job is important for teens. It gives them exposure and perspective they otherwise wouldn't have. A teen job can also encourage them to find a trade or get a college education as they can see adults working in these entry-level jobs. The job can teach lessons that many well-planned parenting lectures could not.

[readinmom]

A timely topic...

 

I've seen the most absolute, craptacular parents ever with the most amazing, lovable kids.  Maybe it is a roll of the dice.  

 

For us, raising dd is completely different than the boys.  In fondest memories, I really only recall a few blowouts, all about grades and school.  I wish we had let it go and homeschooled the boys from day 1.  That is my biggest regret.

 

I agree with the talking/communicating being a key.  It bothers me when we go out somewhere because everyone is glued to their phone. It's not that we don't like each other...3 of us are quiet by nature.  

 

Dealing with dd right now is like trying to snuggle a porcupine.  I'm giving her space, but welcome to lots of suggestions.  I'll keep reading this thread for ideas.

[The Girls' Mom]

A timely topic...

 

I've seen the most absolute, craptacular parents ever with the most amazing, lovable kids.  Maybe it is a roll of the dice.  

 

For us, raising dd is completely different than the boys.  In fondest memories, I really only recall a few blowouts, all about grades and school.  I wish we had let it go and homeschooled the boys from day 1.  That is my biggest regret.

 

I agree with the talking/communicating being a key.  It bothers me when we go out somewhere because everyone is glued to their phone. It's not that we don't like each other...3 of us are quiet by nature.  

 

Dealing with dd right now is like trying to snuggle a porcupine.  I'm giving her space, but welcome to lots of suggestions.  I'll keep reading this thread for ideas.

I actually told my dd (16.5) the other day that interacting with her lately has been like trying to hug a porcupine!  I think it is just a stage for her.  She's less than a year out from starting college, and has had a lot of things going on that are stressing her out.  Plus, she's trying to transition from kid to adult...tough on both of us!  

 

On the flip side, her twin sister who was my hardest younger kid and preteen has been the easiest teen of my three!  

Edited December 30, 2016 by The Girls' Mom

[Donna]

I sometimes think my kids are not the result of anything I did but of who they are as people. All my kids are so different. I have one who has to learn everything on his own even if it's the hard way, another who has his own ideas on what he wants to do but comes to me for advice (which he may or may not take), and my youngest is still too young for me to know how she'll turn out after her teen years.

 

I think some of the things I did right... 

-listen to them and let them be who they are, pursue things that interested them trying not to judge but helping to guide them when they ask for it.

-spend one on one time with them even if I had to learn to play a video game (not always easy to find that time)

-not baby them but have clear expectations and made them do things for themselves plus be active participants in the household

 

Things I wish I could have a do-over on...

-not put my boys into public school but homeschooled them through high school

-been stricter on time they spent with friends 

 

[Angie in VA]

 

..............I have no advice as I am in the midst of raising teens and have never felt less like I know what I am doing.  Even things like "not hovering" and giving them privacy which I thought would be no brainers for me have gotten complicated by situations and outside influences that are actually dangerous (not just dangerous in my overprotective mind) and where I do need to supervise and hover in ways that impact both my kids and make me crazy because I really can't do what I thought was right in raising teens (and professionals agree with me). It's even hard to read Scarlett's texting thread bc so many parents would think our texting limits are over controlling and headed for rebellion.  But we have experienced huge problems with unlimited and only mildly supervised texting. huge So I feel a bit at sea adrift.  I wish I could go into more detail, but can't.  I guess I wish I'd known how much there isn't a rule book for teens. 

 

Thank you for this. 

[BlsdMama]

So, it's kind of a spin off from Scarlett's thread, but also just a kind of....ugh....I'm muddling my way through life with a 13 year old and would love advice of those who've made it through to the other side. :)

 

What are the things you think you did wrong.... things you think you did right...regarding raising teens...

Can be any topic...

 

In general

 

Discipline/Consequences/What Worked/Didn't

 

Dating/Friends

 

Alcohol/Drugs/etc.

 

Electronics

School

 

Career/Passions

 

Values/Spirituality

 

Difficult kids

 

Mental health issues

 

Etc.

 

First, I'd suggest starting with a very simple premise - teens are whole persons.  Charlotte Mason's idea that people are *born* persons.  A 13 year old isn't a "teen" (and somehow that has a connotation of being inferior) but that a 13 year old is a born person and should be respected like you would any human.

 

Don't tell "funny" (humiliating, embarassing, cute, etc.) stories to others about them.  Don't demean them in front of others.  Don't be snotty.  Don't talk down to them.  Often that will cure a lot of what ails you.

Have expectations that you would of an adult - that if they know better, they will choose better.  Don't put thoughts into your head.  (For example: Ugh, you're grumpy. Having your period?)  You are really introducing an idea that she is entitled  to be grumpy because of hormones.  Um no.)  And don't deep sigh about her being 13, etc.  Kids can detect snark from a mile away and they KNOW if  you genuinely enjoy being with them or if you're faking it or if you just don't enjoy them.  

 

Consequences - if you do something stupid then I have to parent you.  It means you weren't mature enough to do that thing I let you do.  So now we have to wait to do more of it until you can handle it.  Don't do stupid things.

Example:  DS went out with friends.  DS decided, after listening to a band at a coffee shop, to go out afterwards for food.  DS should have paid attention to the time.  He got home at 1:00AM.  He can't be out until 1:00, not because of curfew but because of state law saying his driver license is not good after 12:30.  Because he was unaware of this I had to give him a curfew for a while so that he could get in the habit of being mindful.  The rule wasn't arbitrary and it was necessary.  He may not have liked it but it was logical and he knew he had made the choice that had caused me to be forced to parent him.  He needed to make an adult decision to miss out on some of the fun.

 

Mental health issues - get outside help and recommendations

Difficult kids - this is too vague.  I don't know how to help there. PEOPLE are difficult.  It isn't because they are 13. However, we work to get along with those who are invested in our well-being, help us survive (feed and clothe us) and who want what is best for us.  So, if something is sour,  then it is either because the relationship is weird and they don't WANT to get along with you or there is something else going on there - see mental health. 

 

Electronics - I would never, ever, ever have allowed gaming in my house, especially for ADHD kids.

 

Habits - Start super early.  You should NOT be waking up a 10 year old, a 12 year old, or heaven help me, a 17 year old.  But, you can't flip a switch on their 17th birthday.  If your kid is 8, go get an alarm clock now.  Same with getting them to working on school before you tell them they must.  Get even young children something they can start for school each morning without being told or work on independently by abut 8.  Habits. Habits.  Habits.

 

Alcohol/Drugs - have invested kids.  Have them love something, be striving for something, be good at something.  That way they are worried that drugs or alcohol will ruin all of it.  

 

Talk less.  Listen more.  This helps a LOT.  Those kids want to tell you about their class, their day, their practice.  They want to talk.  They want to be encouraged.  They want to weigh in on news and topics.  Value their opinions.  By mid to late teens you aren't "imparting" wisdom as much as you are discussing ideas.  

 

Punishment is really for young kids.  Truly.  Treat your kids like adults.  If there is a problem set up a consequence and then let the chips fall.  They knew it, they chose it, the end, no nagging, moaning, continuing on, embarrassing by telling in front of friends or grandparents.   And let crap go.  If they make a mistake and the consequence domino has fallen, don't resurrect it 199 times.

[kewb]

 

Alcohol/Drugs - have invested kids.  Have them love something, be striving for something, be good at something.  That way they are worried that drugs or alcohol will ruin all of it.  

 

 

Good advice but not a magic bullet.  It definitely helps, however, my teens tell me which kids on the swim team are doing drugs and drinking.  These are serious competitors.  It didn't stop my oldest from experimenting because, hey, his friends were doing it.

[Mabelen]

Good advice but not a magic bullet. It definitely helps, however, my teens tell me which kids on the swim team are doing drugs and drinking. These are serious competitors. It didn't stop my oldest from experimenting because, hey, his friends were doing it.

True. Sometimes, they do drugs because they think drugs will help in the activity they so much love or are competing at (sports, academics) at least short term.

[DawnM]

So, it's kind of a spin off from Scarlett's thread, but also just a kind of....ugh....I'm muddling my way through life with a 13 year old and would love advice of those who've made it through to the other side. :)

 

What are the things you think you did wrong.... things you think you did right...regarding raising teens...

Can be any topic...

 

In general

 

Discipline/Consequences/What Worked/Didn't

 

We just sit them down with mom and dad on the same page before talking to them.  So far we have not had any major major issues, but we talk to them, tell them why we are concerned, and make the consequence fit the circumstance.  For example, our middle son's grades were slipping, so we started making him do his homework at the dining room table and show it to us before he could do anything else.  Before that he was in his room to do homework and just trusted that he was finished.

 

 

Dating/Friends

 

We know most of their friends so, so far no issues.  None of my boys has dated yet.

 

Alcohol/Drugs/etc.

 

We dont' allow it and they haven't given me reason to worry so far.

 

Electronics

School

 

We don't have limits, as long as they are doing the rest of what they need to be doing.

 

Career/Passions

 

We discuss.  Middle son has a job now, not his passion, but he wanted some $$.  So far oldest is going into Animation and game development and middle wants to go into film editing.

 

Values/Spirituality

 

Hard one.  19 year old says he will only go to ONE church, and not every week.  We encourage it as much as he is willing.  Other two want to go to our church and want to be involved, so no issues yet.

 

Difficult kids

 

Since all of our difficult child issues relate to the mental issues, I will answer there.

 

 

 

Mental health issues

 

4 intense years of therapy, lots of prayers, and lots of discussions, and some trial and error of medication.  Too much to go into.  He is doing better, but still has his bad days.

 

Etc.

 

[Scarlett]

I have enjoyed reading all of these. My oldest is only 17 so I am still in the middle of it. But I am proud of him so far.

 

I wish I had yelled less.

I wish I had played video games with him.

 

I am very glad I homeschooled and glad I held him to high academics. He hated it much of the time, but it is paying off for him now.

 

Encouraging him (strongly!) to go to votech has been sooooo good.

And encouraging him to take the 10 hour per week job he was offered has been great for him. He feared he would struggle with his school load....and he is, but now it is a choice he is making. He likes having some of his own money and he is learning a bit about the real world in a very safe environment. ( he works in my bosses shop) If he wasn't working he would still be struggling. He is a big proscrastinator so the 2 hours a day he works would be spent staring mindlessly at his math screen if he didn't work.

 

So I have learned that within reason they need their time filled up with productive work and wholesome fun.

Edited February 2, 2017 by Scarlett