I need help from the religious people here

[jenn-]

I am tackling a novel next month, but I need help understanding one of my characters better. I am going to have an 8yo girl raised by extremely religious parents. Her parents are going to die in an auto accident pretty early on and she is going to be placed with a nonreligious family member. Things I need to know.... How strong would the 8yo religious beliefs be at this point? Do your kids that age (or close to) express/stand up for their beliefs to others already? What type of music do you allow? Are there any contemporary Christain music groups that she would probably listen to? Any music that you do not allow them to listen to? How do your girls dress, and if mommy wasn't making them, would do you think they still would choose it? Anything else you think I should know about before I make bad generalizations and stereotypes? Thanks for anyone that takes the time to help me out.

[Cindy in C-ville]

I wouldn't label myself as "religious" so I may not be much help. I love Jesus and am active in my church, but here's my take. A lot of your questions would have to do with the personality of the 8yo. I have an 8yo, so I'll tell you about her. She's sweet, but feisty. She LOVES Jesus, has a daily quiet time because she wants to, sings songs to Jesus, and writes in her journal. She wouldn't be rude to someone, but she would be confident enough to tell them her beliefs. She "accepted Christ" when she was four, but her understanding at that time was simply "Jesus loves me, died on the cross for me, rose from the dead, and I love Him." She certainly didn't understand the implications of His death on the cross and His resurrection. She just was so attracted to Him that she declared she wanted to follow Him forever. She's grown in her understanding, but she's still a little girl. She wants to be baptized and is ready to give her "testimony" of her relationship with Jesus and the meaning of baptism.

 

Regarding music, we don't listen to "groups" per se. We listen to classical music, other instrumental (George Winston type of music), worship music (Misty Edwards, Julie Meyers, Rita Sprenger, Jon Thurlow, etc.) When I'm in the car, we might have the contemporary music station on. The kids know Avalon, Rich Mullins, etc. My 8yo still likes "kid music" as well as the more adult music that is often on in the house and car. We've not limited their musical choices b/c it's never been an issue.

 

My kids dress like other kids but each sort of has their 'style.' My 15yodd is most comfortable in jeans and a sweatshirt. My 13yo likes skirts. My 12yo is a little trendier, but doesn't want to show her tummy. My boys wear normal boy clothes. My 8yodd likes "cute" clothes, enjoys dresses, dress-ups, etc. She already does choose her own clothes. The only time she has to change is if she's gotten dirty and we need to go to town. We simply have "town clothes" and "play in the yard clothes." We are fine with the kids wearing nice jeans or pants to church.

 

My caution is to please, please, please don't make bad generalizations - either about the "religious" parents or about the 8yo. People are complex and there are so many flat "religious" characters.

[SquirrellyMama]

I have a 7 yr old dd who does stand up for her beliefs already. She is our little evangalist. We listen to all pop contemperary christian music (Chris Tomlin, Michael W. Smith, Casting Crowns, etc...). I don't allow my kids to listen to any other music other than what we listen to at church, on christian radio, and kids songs (mother goose, etc...). There have been times I've had the radio on a secular station and have been surprised what words are in the songs or in the commercials. So now they don't listen to secular music at all. They are young though (7, 5 and 3). I'm amazed by kids singing songs about women's body parts at young ages.

 

My kids must wear shirts that will completely cover their stomach even when reaching their arms up in the air. That is a toughy and some shirts do get by me. They look long enough but my kids grow by golly! They aren't allowed to wear shirts with suggestive words, pictures or straps instead of sleeves. I had to pull a cute on out the other day because it said vanity on it and underneath the word vanity it said something about being high mainenance. I can't remember the exact words now.

 

Would she choose it if I were around? I'm not sure. She brings barbie clothes to me that don't cover their stomachs so we can get rid of it or make it more appropriate. In public she'll tell me when a girl needs to cover up and say she shouldn't wear clothes like that in public. I explained to her that she shouldn't say things like that loud enough for the person to hear.

 

My son must always have his shirt on. I don't care how many kids can go without shirts he must always wear one. I'm looking into getting one of those swim shirts for him in the summer. My dh thinks that is going too far.

 

I want my kids to be modest in their dress. My dd's don't have to wear dresses and they can wear shorts.

 

I understand there is only so far you can go. In high school there was a boy who had a disgusting comment for me no matter how modestly I dressed.

 

I'd like to say that we are 100% perfect on all this stuff but things slip and get past us at times.

 

Kelly

[dirty ethel rackham]

Jenn,

 

You are likely to get a wide variety of answers on this because Christianity looks different in every family. This may or may not be what you are looking for but here is a snapshot of one slice of Christianity.

 

We are a religious Catholic family. How strong in the faith a person might be at that age really depends on the person. My boys at that age would not be nearly as strong in their faith as my daughter, who is now 8. (As an aside, Howard Gardner and Thomas Armstrong talked about multiple intelligences and spiritual intelligence is one category that is very strong in my daughter.) She asked the deepest, most insightful questions. She would stand up for her beliefs, but she is also very sensitive to the feelings of others and would be very confused as to why anyone would be challenging her. We do have friends that are non-believers, but everyone is respectful, so it has never been an issue. She would not want to be confrontational, but would probably be in a puddle of tears over this type of conflict. (Since we are Catholic, many of the Christian homeschooling groups are not that welcoming to us, so we have made friends with families of many faiths and value systems through our inclusive homeschooling group).

 

As far as music goes, dh listens to alternative rock - leftover from the 80's. I made a choice when my kids were very young to not allow music that overtly expressed values we disagreed with. So, some popular music from my era is OK, but some is not. I don't listen to popular music from today because 1 - I am not that hip, and 2 - much of what I hear disgusts me. Much to my dismay, dh isn't as careful in this regard. (Neither of us were raised in households that were strict about music - pop culture was ok.) In the home and when I am driving, we don't listen to current music other than Christian radio. My daughter likes Third Day, Casting Crowns, Super Chick, Nicole Nordeman (sp?) I also listen to Catholic hymns done by contemporary artists.

 

My daughter dresses fashionably (she is fairly fashion concious) but modestly. She wears pants, dresses, skorts, shorts, etc. We don't do spaghetti strap tops or very short shorts or short skirts. She is athletic and participates in sports and dance, but I do try to keep modesty appropriate for the situationh in mind. All tops are long enough to cover the midsection. No offensive graphics, no writing on the rear. Not provacative, but fashionable. Since I know that I am sooo not cool (over 40 too tired and lumpy to spend that much energy on being fashionable) I am willing to give her plenty of say in clothing choices. She has definite opinions of what she likes and doesn't. We really like the clothes from the Children's Place. I used to buy from Kohl's, but when she got bigger, much of the clothes those sizes are rather "tarted up" for my taste.

 

hth,

[Qs3]

I don't have any advice, but I just checked out the nanowrimo site. It looks like so much fun! I just wanted to wish you luck! :001_smile: I'm tempted to try it myself...

[elegantlion]

First of all, congrats on doing nano. I assume that by some of the questions you ask you are going to have the family be not only religious, but fairly conservative as well.

 

While my family is religious I would not label as conservative. I have a son, but at 8 he quiet about his faith. We would talk about it as a family.

 

He was not very much into music at 8, except for Superchick and Toby Mac. He also likes big band music. Quite the combo.

 

I wouldn't know how to make clothes if I had a sewing machine.

 

Another idea is to look at websites of denominations that you might chose for this family. Look at their statement of faith to give you ideas.

[Kelli in TN]

I have a 10 year old daughter. She has been in church all of her life. She has always been homeschooled.

 

She dresses like most girls her age. I do ask her to wear a swimsuit with matching boardshorts, she does not always do this but I remind her that little girls tugging at the bottom of the swimsuits everytime they get out of the pool is unattractive. She wears knee length shorts, no belly baring shirts, and I really push wearing proper undergarments as soon as needed.

 

Superchick is her favorite band. Toby Mac is another fave.

 

She would probably stick to the standards I have for her if she found herself in the custody of one of our non-religious relatives. I think the biggest shock for her, beyond losing her parents of course, would be having to enter the public school system. The other thing would be losing her church family. She is very social and her peers and teachers at church are hugely important to her. She would mourn the loss of the those relationships.

 

 

My two older daughters were in the 8-10 range when I went through a phase where I dressed all three of us much more conservatively. We were jumpers and t-shirt dresses (like a t-shirt with a skirt attached). The girls also wore long denim skirts (my answer to jeans) and cullottes. I made probably 75% of their clothing, including their swimsuits which were actually swimdresses. I think they would have gladly traded all that in for something more fashion forward. Dressing in a way that was so different than other girls their age made them feel self-conscious.

 

Does that help?

[Kelli in TN]

 

Superchick and Toby Mac. .

 

JINX!!! You owe me a Coke!!!

[Kelli in TN]

My kids must wear shirts that will completely cover their stomach even when reaching their arms up in the air. That is a toughy and some shirts do get by me. They look long enough but my kids grow by golly!

 

Just an aside about this issue; my daughter is long and thin so this finding shirts to fit her properly that don't ride up is very, very hard. Camisoles to the rescue!! Any shirt that has riding up tendecies must be layered over a camisole that is kept tucked in. I look for camisoles in a variety of colors so dd can mix and match (mismatch if the mood is funky) with her tees.

 

Even my 17 year does this as she has that same long thinness with the challenge of keeping the tummy under wraps.

[smilesonly]

I am tackling a novel next month, but I need help understanding one of my characters better. I am going to have an 8yo girl raised by extremely religious parents. Her parents are going to die in an auto accident pretty early on and she is going to be placed with a nonreligious family member. Things I need to know.... How strong would the 8yo religious beliefs be at this point? Do your kids that age (or close to) express/stand up for their beliefs to others already? What type of music do you allow? Are there any contemporary Christain music groups that she would probably listen to? Any music that you do not allow them to listen to? How do your girls dress, and if mommy wasn't making them, would do you think they still would choose it? Anything else you think I should know about before I make bad generalizations and stereotypes? Thanks for anyone that takes the time to help me out.

 

How strong the beliefs are at that age,depend very much on the individual. My dc would have strong beliefs at that age, but not able to evangelize,yet.

 

Our dc at that age are listening to Classical,Jazz, Contemporary Christian Rock,Folk,Some Country,and fun cds for dc,that contain innocent lyrics. No rock,no pop,and definitely no commercials on the radio or tv. They are not allowed to read magazines or watch shows,aimed at that audience,due to constant s*xual references and poor role modeling.

 

My girls at that age can wear whatever they want....except,no short,short anything,no logos,no advertising. One piece bathing suit,or tankini that covers all. We're not picky about covering the shoulders,until they start wearinga br*. Without me choosing, at that age, yes, they would do as Mommy has taught and role modeled.

 

My dc play with other dc of ALL religions and races.;) We are raising them to believe that EVERY person is important,and God calls each to Him,when it is His Will. We talk about world politics in an age appropriate way. They are already learning that others have different values,morlas,beliefs,and that we shouldn't judge them,rather,pray for them.

 

At that age,we are already talking about how marriage is sacred and forever.

 

My answers may look a little different for an older dc.:)

 

HTH,

Smiles

[Jami]

What do you have in mind by "extremely religious"?

 

Are you thinking very legalistic? Extra rules that "seem" to be religious but have nothing to do with faith in Christ? Some sort of caricature? All of which is fine, literature is full of caricatures. :) Is the death of her parents a liberation of sorts from a very controlling world?

 

Good luck with your novel!

[Melinda in VT]

I agree with the poster who said this depends on what kind of Christian family you're talking about.

 

As the wife and beta reader of a writer, I suggest you get very specific about what kind of Christian family (Baptist, Catholic, Mormon) your girl comes from. Mormon kids at that age, for example, most likely won't have a problem with jeans, but might balk at sleeveless dresses and will probably think drinking coffee is a sin. (Heck, at that age, I thought drinking Coke was a sin. And yes, I did at least try to stand up for that issue with teachers at that age, and felt driven to confess/repent when I failed.)

[momofkhm]

Let me see if I can describe him as well as Cindy described her girl. Ds accepted Jesus as a 3 yo, like Cindy's girl, he just knew that Jesus died for his sins. He's grown since then though, a lot. He does do daily Bible study, but it's part of school. He was thrilled to get a Bible as a ring bearer gift - a full text Bible, not a kid version. He has written several songs for our prise team director to put to music. We've even sung one or two in church. He likes to "do" Bible study with a single man on the praise team before church starts. We have a prayer team every Sunday in the back of the church, he gets prayer for someone, something every week. I like to say that my boy will talk to anyone about anything but he usually brings the topic to Jesus somehow.

 

He does normal boy things - football, soccer, baseball, tennis. He plays outside a lot. He doesn't own any toy guns, but he sure plays guns. He doesn't dress any differently from other boys his age- whether Christian or not. My girls however do dress a tad differently. We do not show belly buttons. Other than that I think they are pretty close to "normal". So dressing this way after dh and I are gone wouldn't be an issue. (Although, my 14 yo would definitely be trying to get low-rise jeans. I don't know if she would be showing her belly.)

 

Would he keep any of this up if dh and I died? For a while, yes. Without an older Christian presence in hi life, I really don't know. BUT we also have it set up so Christian friends become his guardians if we die so it won't be an issue. Even if the kids ended up with a non-Christian guardian, my 8 yo has 2 older sisters to also try and keep him on the straight and narrow.

 

I agree with the others, each child is different.

[mom31257]

We are Christians, and my dd is very strong in her beliefs and was by 8. She is a very independent thinker, though, and doesn't follow the crowd. As far as music, we do listen to contemporary Christian and do allow some secular that's wholesome (some of the Disney stuff). We watch TV, but are selective (the kids can watch a few things on PBS, Disney, and Nick). We're big fans of Man vs. Wild and the Food Network, also. We screen all movies on Focus on the Family website. We are most concerned about language, sexual references, disrespectful attitudes. I believe that modest dress is important, but that doesn't mean you can't be stylish. My dd loves Limited Too. She doesn't wear short shorts or 2 piece bathing suits. If a shirt is slightly low cut, she puts a cami under it. I think she would dress pretty close to what we want. I don't like most shirts with spaghetti straps and that's probably the one thing she would wear. I know I would feel the same about these things even if I wasn't religious, though.

 

My husband really appreciates the modesty. He says he doesn't get dads letting their daughters dress the way some of them do. He remembers being a teen boy, and the more skin he saw the more he had temptation to "lust". He is very visual (as most guys are). He said it was difficult being a Christian teen boy, because you have feelings you can't help, but you feel guilty thinking about sex all the time. I don't want our daughter to contribute to that any beyond what she can't help. I keep praying that fashion trends will go more modest before my ds hits puberty!!!

 

Please don't portray us as mean, Bible-thumping people. I truly believe that, if we follow Christ, we should love all those around us, and help whenever we can. There are always those on the fringes of any belief (even atheists), that really just want power and control.

 

Our church houses a food bank that anyone can come to for food, we sponsor an elementary school her that 97% of the kids are at or below the poverty level (school supplies, coats for winter, Christmas gifts for the entire student body, once a month fun day with inflatables and free food), we send many construction teams to build ramps and do repairs for elderly, help in areas after hurricanes and such, build schools and orphanages around the world.

 

To me, those are things that we should be doing and most are. I hope this helps. I hope that the family will at least come to respect her religious beliefs (not that they have to embrace them). You have a golden opportunity to bridge the gap that seems to exist between these two groups in our society. I feel that every religion, except Christianity, seems acceptable in our society. Most of the world didn't like Jesus, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

[jenn-]

She would probably stick to the standards I have for her if she found herself in the custody of one of our non-religious relatives. I think the biggest shock for her, beyond losing her parents of course, would be having to enter the public school system. The other thing would be losing her church family. She is very social and her peers and teachers at church are hugely important to her. She would mourn the loss of the those relationships.

 

 

 

I have tackled the schooling part I think. Her parents will have a trust fund set up in their Will with money that is only to be used for continuing private religious schooling (she will not be a homeschool transitioning, but will be changing schools). I had to figure out how she could still have a church relationship without having to justify to the other 6 kids why they were spending money on her private school (as we all know it isn't cheap).

 

Thank you everyone for the responses so far. You are helping me develop her so much. Please keep the responses coming.

[elegantlion]

JINX!!! You owe me a Coke!!!

 

I wish Superchick had been around when I was a teenager. I would have been a much stronger woman. DS goes around the house singing, "You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head which means not at all." :D

[Free Indeed]

I have an 8yo girl. We are conservative, but not legalistic. She is pretty set in her beliefs. She KNOWS that Jesus is her Savior, and that everyone needs Him, although not everyone realizes that yet. Yes, she would stand up for her faith if someone asked her to do something that is against what the Bible teaches. We listen to a variety of music, but nothing that explicitly goes against what we believe. Her favorites are Alison Krauss (not sure if I am spelling that right), Casting Crowns, Chris Ledoux, Johnny Cash, etc... My kids dress like everyone else except we do not allow suggestive words (like Hottie, or Cutie) or nothing really short or really tight- belly must be covered- shorts with a one piece bathing suit or Tankini. Yes, I believe my girls would choose to stay with the way I taught them to dress, because they are more biblical standards than Mommy's standards. If the relative sought to change her beliefs instead of respecting them, she is still only 8 and she may be swayed in time. Praise God that my children have a wonderful family at our church that are my children's God Parents- or else they could face this situation as my extended family are non believers.

[Scuff]

I am tackling a novel next month, but I need help understanding one of my characters better. I am going to have an 8yo girl raised by extremely religious parents. Her parents are going to die in an auto accident pretty early on and she is going to be placed with a nonreligious family member. Things I need to know.... How strong would the 8yo religious beliefs be at this point? Do your kids that age (or close to) express/stand up for their beliefs to others already? What type of music do you allow? Are there any contemporary Christain music groups that she would probably listen to? Any music that you do not allow them to listen to? How do your girls dress, and if mommy wasn't making them, would do you think they still would choose it? Anything else you think I should know about before I make bad generalizations and stereotypes? Thanks for anyone that takes the time to help me out.

 

I think some of this depends on personality. Me personally: I grew up in a christian home, but not "extreme" or ridgid. We went to chuch when I was young and stopped around 10 yrs old- 14 yrs old. My faith was pretty strong at 8. I prayed regularly about the problems in my life, asking God for help. But I didn't know much, as far as Biblical knowledge/truth. So my faith was strong for my age, but not developed, if that makes sense. I was always shy and a people pleaser, so I would not have stood up for my faith. I would have held on to it secretly, though. I didn't know about modest dress or Christian music at that point, so I don't know what I would have does in that reguard.

 

My DS is almost 8. He's very black and white. So he would have defended his faith without thought. He was arguing with his cousin about which was better, Chanukah or Christmas, at 3 or 4. He'd have no problem standing up for his beliefs. However, he also is pretty socially unaware, in that he doesn't really see how his actions effect others. He'd defend like a mack truck.

 

So, I htink it depends on the personality you're giving your character. Decide who she's going to be and have her struggle through as she would respond.

 

ETA- Why is she with non-christian reletives? There really should be no other place to go. A couple who thought ahead to leave her a trust fund for school would have also thought ahead about who she'd be going to live with.

Edited October 17, 2008 by Scuff

[Cindy in C-ville]

Let me see if I can describe him as well as Cindy described her girl.

 

Awww...thanks, Cheryl!

[Free Indeed]

 

My DS is almost 8. He's very black and white. So he would have defended his faith without thought. He was arguing with his cousin about which was better, Chanukah or Christmas, at 3 or 4. He'd have no problem standing up for his beliefs. However, he also is pretty socially unaware, in that he doesn't really see how his actions effect others. He'd defend like a mack truck.

 

 

 

That would be my now 12yos. He was like this even from the beginning also. Jesus is Lord- period. No grey area at all. :D

[SnowWhite]

I was raised in a very conservative Christian home. I attended Amish school as there was no nearby Christian Protestant school.

 

I was a very strong Christian at age 8. I was a "little evangelist" to my brothers, telling them how badly they needed to be saved.

 

I remember going to a revival meeting and requesting prayer from the evangelist for "patience in school" because I was having difficulty with my temper and other kids teasing me. I got my answer too!

 

I would have been pretty set in my ways about upholding my religious convictions on Christian dress (for example my hair has never been cut).

 

I think the biggest consequence of this situation would be a severe crisis of faith due to the loss of my parents... Was it somehow my fault? Did God still love me? How could this be "all things working together for good to them that love God"? I would need a strong Christian role model to help me work through these questions and emotions.

 

There would likely be incidents with my new "siblings" in which I could not understand their attraction to very worldly entertainment, such as rap music or skimpily dressed suggestive entertainers.

[Guest janainaz]

Not sure how to word this........ we are not religious, we do believe in Christ.

 

My 8yr. old ds, is watching my dh and I, as his parents, and I believe he is growing spiritually as a result. He is watching how our beliefs play out in every day life - with the people around us and how we handle circumstances. We have tremendous long-term impact on our kids.

 

However, I believe in order for kids to really be able to stand up for their faith, they need to know why they believe what they believe. Part of this comes from understanding others faiths and experiencing God in a real way through life circumstances. I believe they can have the foundation, but in order to "STAND UP" for their beliefs, I truly believe they need some more maturity and testing. Maybe a kid that has grown up in extremely difficult circumstances might be grounded deeper in their faith, but to me, a kid who is standing up at 8 yrs. old - may not fully understand just exactly what sets them apart and why. They may have the concept down, but I would be interested in knowing in what situations these kids are "standing up".

 

My son is a great kid and he handles himself well in situations, but I would not be so bold as to say he does what is right based on his "faith". I believe often it's based on common sense and his personality.

[Robin Hood]

I would say that an 8yo would be like most any young person. Any household will be different from what they know and the child will have a hard time adjusting to the differences, but would eventually adapt to them, putting their Christianity, little by little, more inside while they try to reconcile how it could work together in their funny little 8yo ways.

 

As an older Christian parent of young kids, this was always my fear so I worked at teaching them the Bible so it is at least inside their hearts should they lose us. But there is no way I'd believe that if someone wasn't going to support the child in their former Christian lifestyle, that she would daily live it out. There might be an inner battle while she might secretly like her new life and feel guilty about it. But the light that has been planted will eventually shine because it had been planted early on.

 

Angela Hunt did a series years ago about English settlers from the 15th century coming to the new land. She did something like this with a 2yo girl. The title had something to do with Roanoke Island. The parents knew the Indians were going to come and kill them so they put their 3 kids on a little boat and let it go down stream. She then went to show how the kids ended up in different tribes and how their Christianity played out. All the parents were destroyed by Indians. An older boy fully understood and searched for his sister all his life. Once finding her, she was fully Indian and bitter. It was a slow reconciliation to her faith, but it was in her and joy returned replacing her bitterness. Btw, Hunt in no way makes the Indians to be the bad guy. By the time I was done with the series, I had a different, more positive view of Native Americans, not knowing my former thoughts were prejudiced.

[Lovedtodeath]

My DD would lecture her foster family on their language if they use profanity. She prays at dinner and expects everyone else to do so. She tells me that we need to go to meetings and that I should not be friends with you and talk to you on the computer because you are not a friend of our God.

Edited October 17, 2008 by Lovedtodeath

[Pamela H in Texas]

Honestly, I think it depends and that many parents wish their child's spiritualness is much greater than it actually is.

 

My experience is that kids can be quite firm and vocal as long as those beliefs are being supported but that even without a tragedy, if there is a change in PRACTICE, they will crumble fairly quickly. In fact, the Bible points to that being true for adults also. If we don't keep going to Christian gatherings, reading the Bible, studying, putting on the new personality, etc, then we become weaker spiritually less likely to do those things....and then it's a spiral (less of those things, less spirituality, less of those things, etc).

 

Some 8yos are VERY zealous and spiritual, but they are rarely the ones without the support to be so.

 

This is NOT absolute though. I read this (true) story of a young girl who was put in a reform home during WWII who was quite damaged in some ways but remained in her faith the entire time (2 years, I think). She was 12 though, not 8. But I think some 8yos could stand firm also.

 

Anyway, unless the relatives will allow her to practice her religion, I think it's most likely she'd fall away, at least until she was a teen and could do on her own. If they will encourage her desires though not doing themselves, I think she'd have a better chance but it's still iffy. Of course, if they fully support her ("do you need a ride Tues night to the congregation Bible study?"), that would give her the best chance in remaining in her faith without a break.

[PiCO]

ETA- Why is she with non-christian reletives? There really should be no other place to go. A couple who thought ahead to leave her a trust fund for school would have also thought ahead about who she'd be going to live with.

 

This is a good point. I know how you can work around it- the relatives are closet atheists. Many people who were raised Christian and become atheists never tell their families, or at least avoid telling them for a long time. It's just not worth the disruption in family life it would cause.

 

I also hope the atheist family is not a caricature. There are plenty of atheist families that lead ethical lives and don't dress their kids in immodest clothing. If I were to inherit a child from a strongly christian home, I would find a local family to help her through this hard time in her life. A child does not need her whole belief system shattered when she just lost her family.

[Kelli in TN]

If I were to inherit a child from a strongly christian home, I would find a local family to help her through this hard time in her life. A child does not need her whole belief system shattered when she just lost her family.

 

This is an excellent point. You, the OP that is, might want to ask another question of the folks who either have a different faith or are entirely secular. You might ask them what THEY would do if such a child were dropped into their home. How would they respect the child's beliefs and help the child overcome the wrenching loss of all that she has ever known.

 

This sounds like a very interesting storyline!

[SquirrellyMama]

Just an aside about this issue; my daughter is long and thin so this finding shirts to fit her properly that don't ride up is very, very hard. Camisoles to the rescue!! Any shirt that has riding up tendecies must be layered over a camisole that is kept tucked in. I look for camisoles in a variety of colors so dd can mix and match (mismatch if the mood is funky) with her tees.

 

Even my 17 year does this as she has that same long thinness with the challenge of keeping the tummy under wraps.

 

That is such a good idea. I will have to keep this in mind and try to find some. I haven't thought about doing that before. I might have to do that for me too :001_smile:

[Tess in the Burbs]

well at 8 some kinds can be very firm in their beliefs. My own children are 6.5 and 5 and the oldest has firmly preached to gospel to any and all who will listen at one time or another in the store ;) My kids both sing religious songs anytime they feel like...usually in a store or in a group of nonbelievers, lol. We don't listen to anything but Christian music but yes, they know some contemporary Christian music. We do not celebrate most 'holidays'. We do Christmas with no Santa. We do Easter with no bunny. We do NOT do Halloween. Seems I am missing one..but we only celebrate Christian Holidays without the secular stuff added on top. We stick to the Bible on that.

 

Now we are very conservative but we do not make our own clothes. My daughter loves dresses and wears them often but with shorts underneath or leggings. She picks out her clothes with me. She can walk through a store and LOUDLY say what clothes are inappropriate for a child 'her age'. She will also refuse a gift(like Bratz dolls) that are 'not her age'. She gets it :)

 

I suspect this character would also be direct(since still a child) and ask about church and why this person doesn't go. They may insist on being taken to church. They may ask where their Bible is. They may insist on praying before meals. They will correct you for bad behavior and bad words :)

 

hope this helps. Sounds interesting....

[Melinda in VT]

They may insist on praying before meals.

 

When my nephew was around 7, he once said he wasn't going to eat until we said "the right kind of prayer."

[Kim in Appalachia]

Was the child's first years (until the parents die) happy? No matter what music they listened to or how they dressed if the child was happy when that child is older he will probably seek solace in the faith/tradition of his youth.

[jenn-]

Thank you so very much for answers so far. Everyone is really helping me flesh out her character. The family she is going to be dropped into is going to be a closet atheist family that everyone just knows as that family that doesn't go to church. Although the kids are being raised to be tolerant of everyone's beliefs, the 13 or 14 yo daughter does not like her cousin and really doesn't like that her life has been invaded by her (she's gonna be stereotypical self centered/dreary teen). I am not going to try and strip the little girl's religious background from her, but she is going to be questioning some of the music choices of the 14yo. The 14yo will probably be giving the little girl some grief over her beliefs, and I just needed to know how strong of a response to expect from that age. There will be lessons for both of them to learn as the book progresses. The little has been taught that if you did not live her family's way of life then you are sinners and will go to hell (so fairly intolerant, but not going with an extremist attitude). She is going to have to learn that not everyone believes that, and having tolerance for others is a good thing. The older girl will be learning how to deal with this new girl and how to help her through the grief process. This will end happily ever after with the two girls loving and respecting each other as "sisters" should, but there will be some hard parts before that point.

[chanda7]

I can easily see a 8yo struggling about the salvation of her new non-believing family, if you go with that flavor of Christianity. However, she may also question God in the death of her family.

 

I was raised in a conservative Christian household where no contemporary Christian music was permitted. I wasn't allowed to listen to music with swearing or heavily sexual themes. I had to wear dresses or skirts to church, at least on Sunday and usually Wednesday. Otherwise, I couldn't wear bare mid-riffs, short skirts or shorts, low-cut shirts, tight clothing. I think 8yo would be young to choose other clothing than what she was raised to wear. An older pre-teen would have more temptations with that.

[Tess in the Burbs]

some nights my daughter wants the Lord's prayer ;)

some nights my son insists on using big words in his prayer

some nights it's a battle over WHO gets to pray.

 

I see why some do a simple "God is great" prayer ;)

[Robin Hood]

After reading everybody's responses, I suppose 8yo would be a bit more legal about following the rules of Christianity. My kids are 9.5 and 10 and after time spent with neighbors, they come home with more questions trying to reconcile what we say compared to what they say. They are more comfortable with our beliefs, but year and half seems to make a big difference. I forgot about those little legal 8yos.

[bumbledeb]

We are very strongly religious as a family and my 9 yo daughter has a fairly good understanding of our beliefs. She takes pleasure in Bible study and understands quite accurately the reasons for our beliefs.

 

She gets to wear whatever she wants - we've never made dress an issue, but that may be because she has never as yet wanted to wear anything I've been uncomfortable with. I can't imagine how it could become an issue were dh and I suddenly to die and she be raised by, for example, my Dad who has no religious beliefs whatsoever.

 

She listens to a variety of music, including contemporary 'alternative' and mainstream pop. I listen to the same music and would not have us listen to anything objectionable, say for example anything sexually explicit or with bad language.

 

She would find it upsetting, I think, were she to be compelled to do anything that would go against our current religious beliefs. She might find it hard to speak up in defense of her beliefs but I think she would do so if necessary.

 

I hope this has been of some help to you.

[TerriMI]

She is going to have to learn that not everyone believes that, and having tolerance for others is a good thing. The older girl will be learning how to deal with this new girl and how to help her through the grief process. This will end happily ever after with the two girls loving and respecting each other as "sisters" should, but there will be some hard parts before that point.

 

 

.....seems a little too neat. I'm sure it is because you are not familiar with the scriptures and you are wanting to teach a lesson in line with what you as a person hope and believe to be an ideal ending. But even 8 yo Christians already know that not everyone believes as they do. In fact, they know that they themselves have not always believed. They know that they were once "in sin." Otherwise there is no need of salvation. An 8yo Christian has already acknowleged that.

 

Also, to a Christian, tolerance is a different thing than to many non Christians. The 8yo Christian will still have nagging doubts about the tolerance lesson even if she is forced/taught the lesson that every one is OK. As a Christian she is taught and already knows that God loves the whole world. This is part and parcel with the salvation message. She knows that He, by His mercy and because of Jesus' atonement that tolerates sin in everyone. And yet she knows that God has a call to everyone in the whole world to love Him back and that not everyone in the world will respond to that call. She knows that there are dire consequences to those that do not. It will bother her. It will cause a great dilemma.

 

In light of this, I wonder if your resolution could be a little more complex than what you have described. It certainly would have a more universal appeal, which as you probably know, is a sign of better writing.

 

Just a friendly suggestion.

 

 

Sincerely,

[PiCO]

... And yet she knows that God has a call to everyone in the whole world to love Him back and that not everyone in the world will respond to that call. She knows that there are dire consequences to those that do not. It will bother her. It will cause a great dilemma.

 

 

Just curious- does every type of Christian believe that all non-Christians are going to hell?

 

If not, maybe the girl in the story can find a church near her new family that is more forgiving than the one she grew up in, and that church can help her come to terms with the atheists she now lives with.

[jenn-]

Just curious- does every type of Christian believe that all non-Christians are going to hell?

 

If not, maybe the girl in the story can find a church near her new family that is more forgiving than the one she grew up in, and that church can help her come to terms with the atheists she now lives with.

 

That's kinda where I think I am going to end up going with it. Honestly by the time I get to the end, it could have gone in a totally different direction. I can feel this novel taking a life of its own and I haven't even started it yet.

[bumbledeb]

Just curious- does every type of Christian believe that all non-Christians are going to hell?

 

No. Many Christians do not believe the Bible teaches such a thing.

[TerriMI]

Reluctantly and carefully, I post an answer because I am not quite sure of the tone of the question and the question is not really about the thread. In case you really want to know and for the sakes of others who have read it and also because of the response first given it, I will attempt an answer. In short, yes Christians believe that.

 

Maybe important to realize is the difference in where Christians get their truth and where so many others get their truth. It really is a clash of worldviews. Christians say that there is objective Truth out there that we can discover, much like we can "discover" scientific truth such as what a rock or tree or flower is. These things in our environment were here before we arrived on the scene. We just find them and research what is there. Christians say there really is one true God and that He communicates to the people He created. We find Him, when we search for Him. Chrisitians do not make up clever myths. We do not ultimately decide what is true for us and only us. We do not lower "the gods" to human level. We say that God is there first and that no matter what we think of Him, He is as He always is. We say that He communicates with His creation to tell us of Himself, the ultimate of which is the historical Jesus and the eyewitness accounts that are collected in the Bible are the bedrock of that Truth. Beliefs that Christians have that contradict what is found there, are considered heretical and are strongly debated and denied.

 

So my stumbling, inadequate answer. I'm sure there are many more questions. I hope the journey to answer them is fruitful. I hope you understand my tone is friendly and factual.

[Laura in VA]

I wish Superchick had been around when I was a teenager. I would have been a much stronger woman. DS goes around the house singing, "You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head which means not at all." :D

 

If you have the chance, take him to see Toby Mac. His concerts are awesome! His newest cd comes with a dvd of a live concert. It's fun to watch and remember what a great time we had! Toby rocks! ;)

[Harriet Vane]

Just curious- does every type of Christian believe that all non-Christians are going to hell?

 

If not, maybe the girl in the story can find a church near her new family that is more forgiving than the one she grew up in, and that church can help her come to terms with the atheists she now lives with.

 

 

 

Many Christians do think that non-Christians "go to hell." However, I find that that phrase has connotations that are not necessarily accurate to what many Christians think/feel, and want to take a careful stab at rephrasing.

 

A Christian would consider him or herself to be in a relationship with God. Some have compared it to marriage. It is a connecting of mind and spirit, an ongoing conversation.

 

This ongoing, active connection, relationship, brings both guidance and joy, even laughter. It is a vibrant, alive relationship.

 

For a Christian, heaven represents the opportunity to be together with the living presence of God. It is not as much about the place or any imagined activities as it is about being with God, about realizing a more tangible reality of that relationship.

 

Christians grieve for those who do not have that relationship. Their understanding is that if a person chooses not to be in relationship with God, God will respect that choice. Hell is understood to be a state of existence separate from God. It is the separation from this vibrant, loving presence that makes it an unhappy state of being.

[laughing lioness]

:iagree:Strider, beautifully said. Thank-you.

[ma23peas]

Jenn,

 

I haven't read any of the responses (no time!:001_smile:) but I will share with you my point of view having received Christ as my savior at age 8.

 

God is supernatural...He makes many promises...He will never forsake you...so should my parents have died at age 8, there is nothing that a non-believing family could do/not do that would prevent God from being an influence and guiding my life. I don't necessarily know that I would have sought out Christian music, but I do know that my ears/eyes would have been opened to the many supernatural ways that God brings us closer to Him. That is an amazing aspect of the character you could develop...but unless you have experienced it, it may be difficult.

 

God knows the desires of your heart, there are no coincidences...I'll share a few that may help you in developing plot lines in your story.

 

* My aunt and uncle were traveling in Florida (they lived in Georgia)..they had been lamenting the fact that my uncle had not seen one of his brothers in 15 years (military moving around the world)...it was on their heart that they really wanted to see them. All of that lamenting happened about a month prior to this event. While traveling in Florida, they began to get hungry...they were going to stop in a McDonald's but the line was too long in the drivethru and inside, but across the street was a Burger King....my aunt decided she really needed to go to the bathroom so they decided to hit Burger King although they much preferred a egg mcmuffin (ya know how those preferences are!)....so they drove across the street and she went straight to the bathroom..while my uncle stood in line...not noticing the folks in front...when my aunt came out of the bathroom she recognized the man standing right in front of my uncle was his very own brother!!!! She almost dropped to the floor...they were supposed to be in Germany but had been sent to a base in Florida for a month of training...they didn't have time to tell their family (12 siblings)...God provided that meeting for them..I have over 500 stories (I keep a coincidental journal for a book I'm planning on writing later on) like this...many will look at it and say "coincidence"..those that are 'extremely religious' see it as His providential way and His blessing upon us.

 

So I think you'll have to consider a different angle...God is alive, He is real and every child that receives Him will be used for the glory of His Kingdom...we don't often know or see outcomes as in the above incident...but our eyes and ears are opened for them.

 

Tara

[ma23peas]

Christians grieve for those who do not have that relationship. Their understanding is that if a person chooses not to be in relationship with God, God will respect that choice. Hell is understood to be a state of existence separate from God. It is the separation from this vibrant, loving presence that makes it an unhappy state of being.

 

I think it should be "it is my opinion that separation from this vibrant...."

I firmly believe in a hell that is not just being separated from God...I believe in the scripture completely and many times there is mention of what hell is like...I haven't been there so I can't suppose it's merely the lack of that happy state of being, it's been described much more readily and there are those who have died on the operating table or accidents who experienced the hell described in the Bible..not offering that as proof...but I would never suppose to describe hell other than what has survived 2000 years of folks trying to discredit the Bible. I have no reason to doubt the Bible.

 

Tara

[Harriet Vane]

I think it should be "it is my opinion that separation from this vibrant...."

I firmly believe in a hell that is not just being separated from God...I believe in the scripture completely and many times there is mention of what hell is like...I haven't been there so I can't suppose it's merely the lack of that happy state of being, it's been described much more readily and there are those who have died on the operating table or accidents who experienced the hell described in the Bible..not offering that as proof...but I would never suppose to describe hell other than what has survived 2000 years of folks trying to discredit the Bible. I have no reason to doubt the Bible.

 

Tara

 

I was not in any way trying to discredit the Bible. I purposely avoided going into any specific details about either heaven or hell because I wished to avoid detailed, interpretive nitpicking. My intent in my post was to describe what I consider to be the heart of the matter.

[PiCO]

I was not in any way trying to discredit the Bible. I purposely avoided going into any specific details about either heaven or hell because I wished to avoid detailed, interpretive nitpicking. My intent in my post was to describe what I consider to be the heart of the matter.

 

Thank you, strider. I greatly appreciate your response.

[PiCO]

No. Many Christians do not believe the Bible teaches such a thing.

 

Thank you, Debra- I was hoping that there were some Christians out there that didn't think all non-believers were going to hell. Doesn't really matter one way or another to me as far as hell goes, because I don't believe hell exists... it's just nice to know I'm not condemned in the minds of 95% of the people I meet.

[PiCO]

Reluctantly and carefully, I post an answer because I am not quite sure of the tone of the question and the question is not really about the thread...

 

... I hope you understand my tone is friendly and factual.

 

Thank you for your response, Terri. I really was just curious.