I need help from the religious people here

[KarenNC]

From my experiences:

 

Raised by a father who was a *very* strong Calvinist (and a frustrated preacher wannabe ;)), we had nightly devotions every night from about the time I was 5 years old. This included an opening prayer aloud by my father, listening to a short sermon from him, then kneeling at our chairs to pray aloud in order of age, youngest first. As we got a bit older and able to read, my sister and I would sometimes be asked to read aloud from our children's bible, or we might get to play essentially "Bible trivial pursuit" and answer questions. This happened every night, including on Sunday when we'd already been to church in the morning and the evening, and on Wednesday nights when we'd also been to church. I was given $5 for memorizing the answers to the entire children's catechism when I was about 6. An 8 year old raised in the sort of family you describe is likely going to be very familiar with good chunks of the Scripture. I also could recite the Apostle's Creed, but usually only if I was standing in church:) because we did it every Sunday and I think I needed the cue of the pews!

 

You may want to decide on a denomination for the family of origin in order to get a better idea of what the experience would be like as it can differ markedly depending on denomination. If the child grew up in a Pentecostal or charismatic denomination, things like speaking in tongues, raising hands in prayer and being slain in the Spirit would be common. In the Presbyterian church of my upbringing, "reverence" ---sitting quietly and not looking around--was prized and my grandmother would pinch my leg if I turned to see who came in the door. I was absolutely appalled at age 15 when I first attended an Assembly of God service because I thought they were going to haul out the snakes!:) Having never encountered that sort of worship style, I had no frame of reference. I was equally unprepared for an Episcopal service and what to do with all the up/down/kneel and communion from a common cup that I encountered at the same age. A child in an Episcopal, Catholic, or "high church" style of other denominations is going to be familiar with lots of ritual and usually a very different type of music than one in a nondenominational or evangelical church. There can be very conservative and very liberal parts of pretty much any denomination.

 

My step nephew was one who would evangelize loudly and lauded as a "little preacher" in the family for it. He was getting into fights regularly in kindergarten for telling the other (Christian) children that they were going to Hell for being the wrong kind of Christian. They are more the evangelical end of things, part of a rural Southern Baptist church.

 

Rural/small town vs. city is also going to make a difference, even if the family is not extremely conservative. I grew up in a relatively small town in NC and, for me, the three main world religions were Lutheran, Baptist and Presbyterian ;). I didn't encounter anyone who was Catholic until I was well into high school, much less anyone who was not some form of Protestant Christian.

 

If the child is continuing in a church/school atmosphere that promotes the view of everyone outside of that particular group of Christians as potentially dangerous spiritually, that will create a lot of tension that likely wouldn't be as strong if she were in a more moderate environment. There is also the worry that she will feel she is betraying or being disloyal to her parents if she makes any changes to become more moderate. In fact the changes in her life may drive her to act out more strongly in the direction of becoming *more* separate, legalistic, etc and "proving" she is different than her new family or to be "good enough" so that no one else is taken away from her.

 

Realize that her religion and the traditions of her family form a very large part of her identity---even if things seem to be getting better, something like the way in which Christmas is celebrated can throw things back into turmoil because the new family isn't doing things "right". A child of that age is often still teetering on the edge of a very literal view of the world, plus dealing with the stages of grief. It's hard for a child under middle school age to really begin to get an understanding that there may be more than one way to be in the world on an intellectual level, much less an emotional one. Heck, sometimes I have that problem at 45 :001_smile:.

 

Hope that helps.

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Kolya said:

 

Reported spammer

Also -- zombie thread!

Edited March 13, 2022 by Catwoman
deleted spam link from quote