Teens in the bathroom

[Scarlett]

Good grief I am so annoyed"

 

Dss15 takes FOREVER to do his business. Yesterday he and I came in from a trip to town and he went straight to the bathroom and stayed there 45 min. This morning after 30 minutes Dh told him to hurry it up and I heard the toilet flush but then he was in there another 45 min showering and ???.

 

We have a no phones in the bathroom rule and a no phones in bedroom rule. His wasn't downstairs this morning. I went to his room when he was in the bathroom and it wasn't there. When he finally got out of the bathroom he went straight back to his room.....I called to him and asked him if he had had his phone in the bathroom with him and he said no. I walked into his room and said then where is it? He looked panicked and claimed it had been plugged in by his bed....I said no it wasn't, I checked, don't lie to me please.

 

So I have several things going on.....long bathroom times.....it isn't normal to need 45 minutes to poop. I told him that when he came down stairs and that if it is really taking him that long he probably needs to see a doctor....but, I told him, I suspect he is on his phone. Which is the second issue.

 

When he got down stairs I confiscated his phone.

 

I am not sure I will survive these teen years.

[G5052]

Good grief I am so annoyed"

 

Dss15 takes FOREVER to do his business. Yesterday he and I came in from a trip to town and he went straight to the bathroom and stayed there 45 min. This morning after 30 minutes Dh told him to hurry it up and I heard the toilet flush but then he was in there another 45 min showering and ???.

 

We have a no phones in the bathroom rule and a no phones in bedroom rule. His wasn't downstairs this morning. I went to his room when he was in the bathroom and it wasn't there. When he finally got out of the bathroom he went straight back to his room.....I called to him and asked him if he had had his phone in the bathroom with him and he said no. I walked into his room and said then where is it? He looked panicked and claimed it had been plugged in by his bed....I said no it wasn't, I checked, don't lie to me please.

 

So I have several things going on.....long bathroom times.....it isn't normal to need 45 minutes to poop. I told him that when he came down stairs and that if it is really taking him that long he probably needs to see a doctor....but, I told him, I suspect he is on his phone. Which is the second issue.

 

When he got down stairs I confiscated his phone.

 

I am not sure I will survive these teen years.

 

Yes, you will. Mine are older (17 and 19), and it's still agony at times for me. But then I see flashes of adult attitudes and behavior, and I think that they might just turn out OK.

[regentrude]

We have a no phones in the bathroom rule and a no phones in bedroom rule.

 

Maybe this contributes to his need to sneak around and use the bathroom to have privacy to use his phone. Where can he use his phone in private?

I am not sure why you prohibit phone use in private areas. If you relaxed this rule, he might not need to stay in the bathroom that long.

Edited November 11, 2016 by regentrude

[lynn]

Good grief I am so annoyed"

 

Dss15 takes FOREVER to do his business. Yesterday he and I came in from a trip to town and he went straight to the bathroom and stayed there 45 min. This morning after 30 minutes Dh told him to hurry it up and I heard the toilet flush but then he was in there another 45 min showering and ???.

 

We have a no phones in the bathroom rule and a no phones in bedroom rule. His wasn't downstairs this morning. I went to his room when he was in the bathroom and it wasn't there. When he finally got out of the bathroom he went straight back to his room.....I called to him and asked him if he had had his phone in the bathroom with him and he said no. I walked into his room and said then where is it? He looked panicked and claimed it had been plugged in by his bed....I said no it wasn't, I checked, don't lie to me please.

 

So I have several things going on.....long bathroom times.....it isn't normal to need 45 minutes to poop. I told him that when he came down stairs and that if it is really taking him that long he probably needs to see a doctor....but, I told him, I suspect he is on his phone. Which is the second issue.

 

When he got down stairs I confiscated his phone.

 

I am not sure I will survive these teen years.

 

It may feel like that but I am here to tell you that you will survive.  I am on the other side with 2/4 being on the other side.  Baby boy is 16 and a lot easier than his brothers.  Now dealing my up coming teenage girl that I Know for sure Imay not survive....I feel I may be to old and not have the energy a for teenage girl after having been through 3 teenage boys kwim.

[Guest]

I thought teenage boys spending a lot of time in the *shower* (ahem) was a normal thing. My friends have all joked about the sudden uptick in bathroom time around 14 for their boys. ;)

[Scarlett]

I thought teenage boys spending a lot of time in the *shower* (ahem) was a normal thing. My friends have all joked about the sudden uptick in bathroom time around 14 for their boys. ;)

 

 

It really seems to be more related to sitting on the toilet.

[Scarlett]

Maybe this contributes to his need to sneak around and use the bathroom to have privacy to use his phone. Where can he use his phone in private?

I am not sure why you prohibit phone use in private areas. If you relaxed this rule, he might not need to stay in the bathroom that long.

 

 

Why would he need to be in his bedroom for privacy? Texting and watching Netflix does not require privacy anyway.  When he talks on the phone he goes outside by the pool.  

[Harriet Vane]

Both of my teens (one boy, one girl) dramatically increased bathroom time in the teen years. No idea why, but I have heard enough others remark on this phenomenon to think it totally normal. 

[wonderchica]

It really seems to be more related to sitting on the toilet.

He might be sitting on the toilet, doesn't mean he's pooping. Unless he's wasting excessive amounts of water in the shower, I'd let this go.

 

If it is the pooping and not the other teenage boy behavior I suspect it is, remember that you've made some posts about his new eating habits since moving in. It takes the body time to adjust, even to healthier changes.

[Scarlett]

He might be sitting on the toilet, doesn't mean he's pooping. Unless he's wasting excessive amounts of water in the shower, I'd let this go.

 

If it is the pooping and not the other teenage boy behavior I suspect it is, remember that you've made some posts about his new eating habits since moving in. It takes the body time to adjust, even to healthier changes.

 

 

He has been my step son for over 6 years.  He has always spent 45-an hour in the bathroom pooping. 

 

So it is not some new thing.  And I am not going to let it go because there are things to do and wasting a couple hours a day in the bathroom is ridiculous.

[TXBeth]

He has been my step son for over 6 years. He has always spent 45-an hour in the bathroom pooping.

 

So it is not some new thing. And I am not going to let it go because there are things to do and wasting a couple hours a day in the bathroom is ridiculous.

If he has been taking this long since age 9, please consider that he might just need that long. Some people do, and shaming him for it would be really inappropriate if that's the case.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[heartlikealion]

Both the males (child and adult) here take forever in the bathroom. What makes this so difficult for me is there is only one bathroom in the house. It's possible some of your teen's issue is health-related. I know there are some reasons my guys take longer sometimes, but other times I just wonder if their normal is just another normal. Consider probiotics? That helps ds.

 

There is a meme out there that jokes that women have birthed babies faster than some men exit the restroom. Dh sent it to me and we had a good laugh.

 

 

Why would he need to be in his bedroom for privacy? Texting and watching Netflix does not require privacy anyway.  When he talks on the phone he goes outside by the pool.

 

You like to always watch tv in front of everyone? Talk on the phone in front of everyone? Go outside all times of year to get privacy? It's starting to get cold outside. Maybe going to the poolside is not ideal.

 

When I was a teen one parent prohibited MTV so we'd watch it in another room. Maybe he's watching something on Netflix you don't approve of. Or maybe he just prefers to watch tv alone.

[Scarlett]

I did some Reading about this bathroom issue. Apparently if it takes someone 45 minutes to go to the bathroom something is not quite right. So. He is going to go to the doctor if he really needs that long to go to the bathroom. Personally I think he is just delaying starting school and spending time on his phone

[Scarlett]

As far as a privacy issue he doesn't talk on the phone that much anyway

[38carrots]

I'd feel quite intimidated and controlled (and then either defeated or defiant) if my bathroom habits were watched and analyzed that closely. Especially if my need for privacy was already defined by someone else. 

 

If you have more than one bathroom in the house, how long he's in there should not be an issue. 

 

 

[hornblower]

I think giving this teen more privacy is important. 

AND

I also think this kid needs FIBER & an overall diet/gi tract overhaul & also consider the squatty potty.  

 

It should not take long to poop. Nobody here takes more than a couple minutes, including hand washing.  Straining or even sitting for that long over a toilet can cause hemorrhoids and prolapse.  This is a serious medical issue.  

Edited November 14, 2016 by hornblower

[Selkie]

Haven't you ever hidden out in the bathroom just to enjoy the peace and quiet?  I do that all the time.  My kids do, too.  I have three teens who spend loads of time in the bathroom and honestly, it's never crossed my mind to be annoyed.  Now, if we only had one bathroom and someone was hogging it all the time, then yeah, I'd be annoyed - but luckily, we have four bathrooms, so that's not a problem.  

 

I would definitely back off on this issue.

 

 

[Acorn]

Have you posted about bed wetting problems before?  Bed wetting could be connected to constipation.  Even if the bed wetting isn't an issue anymore, I'd look into diet and digestion issues.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

He has been my step son for over 6 years.  He has always spent 45-an hour in the bathroom pooping. 

 

So it is not some new thing.  And I am not going to let it go because there are things to do and wasting a couple hours a day in the bathroom is ridiculous.

 

If it has been what he has been doing since age 9 then why did you declare it a teenage boy issue?

 

Holy cow.  Just leave the kid alone.

 

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I'd feel quite intimidated and controlled (and then either defeated or defiant) if my bathroom habits were watched and analyzed that closely. Especially if my need for privacy was already defined by someone else. 

 

If you have more than one bathroom in the house, how long he's in there should not be an issue. 

 

+1

So much all of this.

[heartlikealion]

I did some Reading about this bathroom issue. Apparently if it takes someone 45 minutes to go to the bathroom something is not quite right. So. He is going to go to the doctor if he really needs that long to go to the bathroom. Personally I think he is just delaying starting school and spending time on his phone

 

As far as a privacy issue he doesn't talk on the phone that much anyway

 

I don't know how to say this but your posts (to me) read a little bit intimidating. Maybe he is scared to tell you what he wants or how he feels so he just avoids the confrontation by hiding in the bathroom for privacy. Maybe he takes most phone calls outside of the home. Who knows. Maybe he doesn't watch tv around others because he doesn't want to get judged for his taste in shows? I hope you talk about this, but maybe open the discussion with an open-ended question.

 

(I read the other comment and I think that's why the word intimidating came to mind but yeah basically what they said)

Edited November 11, 2016 by heartlikealion

[purplejackmama]

Gently. I'm an Internet stranger so really you can disregard my opinions. But I feel so much empathy for your step son. From adjusting to this new home life, the weight issues, the food policing, and now the bathroom analyzing, it's too much. He needs some grace.

 

People do life differently. It's ok. His "time wasting" is in the bathroom, maybe yours is here on this board. Down time and margin aren't bad.

[Ananda]

I take forever in the bathroom.  It is justified "mommy time".   Sometimes it is premeditated.  I might take in a book with me when I go to the bathroom, or watch an adult movie on Netflix while I take a bath.  Other times I go in the bathroom for a clear purpose and end up zoning out & dawdling away a embarrassing amount of time.  We had to put a clock in the bathroom, because of the "bathroom time-warp".  

 

I assume your step-son is using his phone in the bathroom.   I am young enough to remember being a teenager well, the need for privacy from my family was extreme.  I left the house to do my homework privately.  I had a boyfriend who got up early to go to Early-early morning Mass, because he wanted to worship privately.  

 

My advice: let go of the no phones in the bedroom rule.  If you need to use the bathroom, hurry him along.  Worry a little less about him "wasting time" as long as he is meeting his responsibilities.  

[Wabi Sabi]

I assume that he didn't have a phone when he was 9 years old, right? And he was still taking 45 minutes in the bathroom...? So if you think that the phone is the reason he's sitting so long on the pot, what was he doing in there when he was younger, didn't have a phone, and was still in there for 45 minutes at a time? 

[Tanaqui]

Is this the same teen whom you think doesn't get to bed on time?

 

Listen, I don't want to criticize, but I don't think you can win both fights. And I'm certain that if you try to fight both of those at the same time you'll lose on EVERY front - especially if I'm remembering correctly and you *also* are having issues with his diet.

 

At a certain point, it looks like you're trying to micromanage all his bodily functions. This will destroy your relationship.

Edited November 11, 2016 by Tanaqui

[SparklyUnicorn]

Is it a problem because other people need to use it?  Or are you just annoyed/concerned with the long bathroom times?  If he is hogging it, I'd try setting a time limit.  Just tell him 30 minutes because other people need to use the bathroom (or whatever you come up with).

I've never understood people who spend so much time in the bathroom.  I want to get in and out as quickly as possible, but not everyone feels that way so what can ya do?

 

 

[GinaPagnato]

I'm totally not going to criticize your feeling annoyed, because I feel the same way when my teens sit on the toilet with their phones FOREVER!!! Seriously, they take a fraction of the time when they don't have an electronic device while in there. So, yeah, I get it.

 

However, I wouldn't make a huge deal about it nor would I threaten to take him to the doctor. If it's interfering with his ability to get his work done, I would just holler to him that he needs to finish up and get out after a reasonable amount of time (say 20 minutes?), and go from there. I personally try to limit the amount of things I battle with my kids because 1) there are other WAY more important things to deal with, and 2) I want to maintain a good relationship with them, and part of that is letting them make their own choices about things, including how to spend their time.

 

So, holler when he's been in there too long, because we all know how easy it is to lose track of time when on an electronic device, but keep this a small issue so it doesn't get out of hand and cause a rift in your relationship.

 

:grouphug: , Mama. I get it.

[nd293]

I frequently stand outside the bathroom door and yell for them to throw out the phone RIGHT NOW. We also have a 'no phone' rule although it's strictly for practical reasons (4 people, one bathroom) so they're not punished when they break it it. Drives me nuts. 45 minutes just couldn't happen, though. The next in line for the bathroom would make life hell!

[Guest]

Gently, you need to let this go. Maybe he is an introvert. Maybe he knows no one will bug him in the bathroom. Threatening him with a doctor visit is just silly. The kid can't drive, isn't running away, how else does he get privacy? Let this go.

[goldberry]

Gently, you need to let this go. Maybe he is an introvert. Maybe he knows no one will bug him in the bathroom. 

 

This could be very true.  I never took long in the bathroom.  After I had my daughter, when my husband was home to watch her, I often "hid" in there way longer than would seem necessary.

 

I'm with those that say give him a break.  Lots of changes recently.  And this is a very private area.

[Mimm]

In my house it's my husband who disappears into the bathroom with his phone for a nice leisurely poop. None of my business. And unless that was the one bathroom in the house, I'd leave the kid alone.

[Scarlett]

He is not suffering from a lack of privacy. He has the entire upstairs as his bedroom. He can go to his bedroom anytime he wants and he often does to play his guitar or just to hang out. And he often takes his guitar out to the pool to play. And I usually work at least one full day during the week when he is here alone. There is absolutely no reason for him to take 45 minutes in the bathroom. That is just ridiculous.

 

He did have a phone when he was 9. And I really can't remember if he took it to the bathroom then or not but he always has taken too long in the bathroom.

 

I don't know what the netativity is about mentioning the doctor....I just wanted to let him know if there is a real problem

We will deal with it. I have taken him to the pediatric urologist and the chiropractor and made him dental appts and got him a regular doctor.

[Scarlett]

Gently, you need to let this go. Maybe he is an introvert. Maybe he knows no one will bug him in the bathroom. Threatening him with a doctor visit is just silly. The kid can't drive, isn't running away, how else does he get privacy? Let this go.

 

But he knows he will be bugged in the bathroom. If he wants to not be bugged he should get the heck out of the bathroom. There are others people in the house and a school day to get started.

[Scarlett]

I frequently stand outside the bathroom door and yell for them to throw out the phone RIGHT NOW. We also have a 'no phone' rule although it's strictly for practical reasons (4 people, one bathroom) so they're not punished when they break it it. Drives me nuts. 45 minutes just couldn't happen, though. The next in line for the bathroom would make life hell!

 

That is reason we don't let them have their phone in there. They just dawdle too long.

[Farrar]

Do you only have one bathroom?

 

I guess I just don't see why you need to be personally affronted by this. If I was this kid, I would be extremely resentful if a parent in a new home like this was confronting me in a negative way like this about time on the toilet. It's embarrassing and feels so controlling. Even if it's done for good reasons like ensuring his health, I can't see how a teen would react well to this.

[Farrar]

I'll add... my kids have had some poop issues. They do take a long time sometimes. They're not in there straining... but they need mental space or something. A lot of time anxiety is tied up in kids who are having issues pooping. Having someone timing you, overseeing you, confronting you about it - that can't possibly help if there's an anxiety element to a constipation issue.

[Scarlett]

Do you only have one bathroom?

 

I guess I just don't see why you need to be personally affronted by this. If I was this kid, I would be extremely resentful if a parent in a new home like this was confronting me in a negative way like this about time on the toilet. It's embarrassing and feels so controlling. Even if it's done for good reasons like ensuring his health, I can't see how a teen would react well to this.

It isn't a new home. He has been with us for almost 6 months and regularly for visits for 6 years before that. And he chose to come live with is because it is where he wants to be.

 

And maybe he does need head space or something. But over an hour is still ridiculous. We do have two bathrooms but for instance this morning I was waiting for him to get out of the bathroom so I could take a shower because of hot water issues. And I had laundry to do....and I had breakfast getting cold. And he had school to do.

[Tanaqui]

Scarlett, you can encourage the entire family to eat more food with fiber, to drink more water, and to get more exercise. And you can encourage him personally to take a laxative or a fiber supplement. But I strongly suggest you pick just one of your issues. Nobody needs their body policed, and that's how it's going to come across.

[Scarlett]

Scarlett, you can encourage the entire family to eat more food with fiber, to drink more water, and to get more exercise. And you can encourage him personally to take a laxative or a fiber supplement. But I strongly suggest you pick just one of your issues. Nobody needs their body policed, and that's how it's going to come across.

I am not saying anything to him about fiber or water or exercise. His dad can do that. I just need him out of the bathroom in a timely manner.

[Guest]

Gently, I have to say it sounds like you absolutely hate this poor kid. I'm sure it's not like that in real life, but on here it comes across like he can't do anything to your satisfaction to save his life, from friends to body habits to diet to temperament.

 

I really wonder if some of your issues with him are your heart attitude toward this kid and a lack of love and empathy, and not things he is actually doing. I don't know all the details and don't know your heart, but it's something you should think about and self examine :(

Edited November 12, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Scarlett]

Gently, I have to say it sounds like you absolutely hate this poor kid. I'm sure it's not like that in real life, but on here it comes across like he can't do anything to your satisfaction to save his life, from friends to body habits to diet to temperament.

 

I really wonder if some of your issues with him are your heart attitude toward this kid and a lack of love and empathy, and not things he is actually doing. I don't know all the details and don't know your heart, but it's really concerning to hear around here.

I vent on here. I certainly don't hate him. I dont hate my own kid either even though I vent about him.

[Scarlett]

Gently, I have to say it sounds like you absolutely hate this poor kid. I'm sure it's not like that in real life, but on here it comes across like he can't do anything to your satisfaction to save his life, from friends to body habits to diet to temperament.

 

I really wonder if some of your issues with him are your heart attitude toward this kid and a lack of love and empathy, and not things he is actually doing. I don't know all the details and don't know your heart, but it's something you should think about and self examine :(

Self examine why it annoys me when he stays in the bathroom for an hour and 15 min? My guess is because there things to do and other people to consider. That is all.

[Guest]

I vent on here. I certainly don't hate him. I dont hate my own kid either even though I vent about him.

I don't think you do either, but have you stopped to consider that the seething irritation, concern, and bother you're rehearsing in your mind or on this bord involving him may be coloring the way you view him or treat him in real life? Our mental dialog is really powerful and what you think you may just be venting on here could definitely be bleeding over into how your relate to him. Please just think about it with an open mind and don't get defensive.

[Scarlett]

I don't think you do either, but have you stopped to consider that the seething irritation, concern, and bother you're rehearsing in your mind or on this bord involving him may be coloring the way you view him or treat him in real life? Our mental dialog is really powerful and what you think you may just be venting on here could definitely be bleeding over into how your relate to him. Please just think about it with an open mind and don't get defensive.

I considered that I said it on here so I dont say it to him.

[Scarlett]

I don't think you do either, but have you stopped to consider that the seething irritation, concern, and bother you're rehearsing in your mind or on this bord involving him may be coloring the way you view him or treat him in real life? Our mental dialog is really powerful and what you think you may just be venting on here could definitely be bleeding over into how your relate to him. Please just think about it with an open mind and don't get defensive.

And if it had been my son in there I would have been hollering at him to get a move on waaaaay before 1 hour 15 min. That is part of my resentment is I feel I have to coddle dss more than my own kid.

[Guest]

Self examine why it annoys me when he stays in the bathroom for an hour and 15 min? My guess is because there things to do and other people to consider. That is all.

If it was just that, we wouldn't be saying anything, Scarlett. The bathroom thing probably is him lounging or reading or thinking and chilling, for real. I do it as an adult! If there was nothing else that bugged you about this poor kid I'd just say to ignore it since there are two bathrooms. But I'm saying something because it doesn't look like just the one thing, but that this is yet *another* thing.

 

Like I said, please think about it without getting defensive. And don't say anything about the bathroom, it's not worth the energy.

[Guest]

And if it had been my son in there I would have been hollering at him to get a move on waaaaay before 1 hour 15 min. That is part of my resentment is I feel I have to coddle dss more than my own kid.

Then holler at him. Treat them the same, and stop letting it irritate you whatever path you choose. Think kind thoughts about your stepson, not how coddling and undeserving and lazy and emotionally needy and whatever else. I just don't think you hear how you sound when you talk about him.

 

I'm done, I wish you both the best!

Edited November 12, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Tanaqui]

I am not saying anything to him about fiber or water or exercise. His dad can do that. I just need him out of the bathroom in a timely manner.

 

So you don't know what's taking him so long, and you're considering taking him to the doctor, but you're not willing to do something that will help speed up the process if it's biological?

 

And Arctic Mama is right - if it's not this, it's something else. This IS the same kid, right? Everything he does bugs you. He stays up too late, he stays too long in the bathroom, he doesn't eat healthy - you have got to accept some delegation of responsibility here. His health and his body is HIS responsibility. Pick one and only one issue to address with the whole family - and then drop everything else. I'd say the same thing if this was your son instead of your stepson.

[Tap]

What does his dad think about it? 

Is it just time on the potty that he is using it for or showers too?

 

You mentioned about you needing to have the shower in one post, but couldn't because he was in there. I would have his father ask him to use one specific bathroom if only one has a shower.  If he is using it for 'private boy time' then maybe dh needs to address that with him.  For him to go to his room instead, or to wait until a different time of night when others don't need to use it.  Does his bedroom have a lock on the door?  If not, that may be why he is using the bathroom. 

 

If he does need that much time to have a BM, then I don't think there is anything wrong with suggesting a fiber supplement or very mild constipation medication like Miralax (individual doses determines how strong it is).  If you think he needs to see the doctor regarding it, then I would take him, but offer to leave the room so the doctor can talk to him privately after you tell the MD what your concerns are.  I am super confused as to why your DH have to deal with it if he needs fiber, but you can take him to the MD (including the urologist)? 

 

You mention that he has personal space, but sometimes people find other places in the home where they are more relaxed.  Maybe chores need to be done in his room, or homework piled on a desk.  The bathroom may be a safe, quiet, small space that makes him feel safe. They are often a bit cooler temperature wise and have simple decorations.  the confined space and colors of the walls may be pleasant to him.  It could also be a coping strategy he learned in his old home, that is still a safety net for him in your home.  Just because he has spent years in your home, doesn't mean he doesn't have stress.  Stress triggers change over time, so maybe this week it is a test, but last week it was something else. 

 

If he needs to see a doctor, then take him.  But I am confused by the fact that you think there may be something medically wrong with him.....but then you seem locked into the fact that it is behavioral.  Then you insist that the behavioral issues that everyone are are suggesting are not really an issue (has privacy, has a phone, etc).  So,if you think it is behavioral, do you think it is a power play on his part then? Do you think he is doing it just to bug you?  Just sitting in there on purpose to hold everyone else up?  

 

People have read on the potty for as long as there have been books and potties. They have gone together since i can remember hearing (outhouses and catalogs are notorious partners, not just for the paper). Many, many people do find that reading helps them to relax and to have a BM.  If you don't allow the phone in there, maybe he needs some other reading material instead? Maybe you dh knows if the xw used to keep reading material in the bathroom.  It could be something he picked up at home and finds it is something he still needs.  Or if the xw needs extra time, then maybe he takes after her and needs it too.

 

 

[38carrots]

He is not suffering from a lack of privacy. He has the entire upstairs as his bedroom.

 

The room you go into when he is in the bathroom to check whether his iphone is there so that you can confront him about it the moment he is out of the bathroom?