My crazy cousin..

[Moxie]

Has decided, overnight, to homeschool her kids because her sweet snowflake can't go to the restroom as often as she wants. This should be fun to watch.

[bolt.]

Well, human rights violations are a fairly good reason to homeschool... But it's definitely a bit ambitious to try to begin homeschooling overnight.

[Guest]

Well, human rights violations are a fairly good reason to homeschool... But it's definitely a bit ambitious to try to begin homeschooling overnight.

Human rights violation might be overstating things.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Good to know that she has family support. . .

[Lang Syne Boardie]

She may be crazy, but this is actually on my list of reasons to homeschool.

 

Good luck, crazy cousin! It's legal! You can do it!

[Valley Girl]

Well, I can think of reasons to get upset if a child is denied the bathroom. It's one thing if a kid is using a bathroom run as an opportunity to wander the halls. It's another if the child actually NEEDS the bathroom and is being denied. You don't say how old the child is. Some kids can't wait once they get the urge. Others may have medical needs that dictate frequent trips. Sometimes school administrators are not helpful in resolving issues. There can be a whole host of reasons leading up to an "overnight" decision to homeschool.

[AK_Mom4]

Well... there are worse reasons....  We pulled DD15 out back in 1st(?) grade because - in spite of a letter from her doctor regarding kidney and bladder issues - the "new" teacher refused to issue her a permanent bathroom pass.  When the principal insisted, she issued one for DD, but told DD later she couldn't use it because it "wasn't fair to the other kids".   That wasn't the only reason of course (her older brother was homeschooling), but it was the final straw.

 

Maybe that's the reason that "sounds best"?   I know that early on I felt like I had to justify homeschooling with some type of reason that I could explain to others.   Now that we are a decade down the road, I don't bother with justifications and generally only do reasons if someone is really interested in homeschooling or my kid.  

 

Best of Luck to your cousin.

[BlsdMama]

Has decided, overnight, to homeschool her kids because her sweet snowflake can't go to the restroom as often as she wants. This should be fun to watch.

 

 

Seems reasonable to me.

 

It's entirely possible that was the final straw.

 

You might not realize, but you're coming off as incredibly judgemental and mean.  "Fun to watch" someone try and fail at homeschooling?  ......  I hope there's more to this?  Mostly because I had some family members with this attitude towards me.... You know, sixteen years ago.

[BlsdMama]

Human rights violation might be overstating things.

 

 

So might "overnight."

[Spryte]

Good for her!

 

Maybe you can give her some help getting started, if she is open to it.

 

My friend's DD has to use the bathroom more often than most kids, and they are finally figuring out its a physical thing - after years of not knowing why.

[Guest]

I am being judgmental. My cousin is a crazy hot-head. She is having a hissy fit and her kids will suffer. She has no idea what she is doing, what the laws are in her state, nothing, and she's not willing to take a moment to learn. She's pissed so she pulled her kids out. I predict her homeschooling will last about as long as most of her marriages.

[Guest]

Good for her!

 

Maybe you can give her some help getting started, if she is open to it.

 

My friend's DD has to use the bathroom more often than most kids, and they are finally figuring out its a physical thing - after years of not knowing why.

I'd consider it if she asked but she is way to crazy to consider that she might need help.

[bolt.]

Human rights violation might be overstating things.

How so?

 

--- Edited after further googling ---

 

I just checked the documents, and I see that maybe you mean that it isn't listed specifically as a human right in them -- which technically means it isn't one.

 

I was thinking in terms of parenting (denial of bathroom access is considered abuse) workers (denial of bathroom access is a violation of worker's rights) and prisons (denial of bathroom access is taken very seriously as it pertains to human rights).

 

There must be various interpretations of the ideas of rights in play.

Edited September 13, 2016 by bolt.

[Valley Girl]

I am being judgmental. My cousin is a crazy hot-head. She is having a hissy fit and her kids will suffer. She has no idea what she is doing, what the laws are in her state, nothing, and she's not willing to take a moment to learn. She's pissed so she pulled her kids out. I predict her homeschooling will last about as long as most of her marriages.

 

Obviously I don't know your cousin and maybe you're well aware of her kid's medical issues (or lack thereof) or the story behind the bathroom issue. If so, please disregard what I'm saying here. What looks like a crazy, abrupt, hot-headed decision to someone outside the decision-making circle may, in fact, not be. Not everyone discusses the possibilty of homeschooling in advance with immediate relatives, much less aunts, uncles, and cousins. Not everyone discusses the details of medical or psychological issues that may be a factor. A perceived "hissy fit" could be the culmination of a lot of frustration and thwarted efforts to work out a solution with the school.

 

Or your cousin could just be a flake.

 

Do you actually know--I mean, really, know beyond a doubt--that she is completely cluecless and isn't willing to learn? Because, honestly, your post sounds like you almost want her to fail. I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone who was thrust into homeschooling (unwillingly!) by circumstances without preparation or having a clue what to do. We're starting high school now.

[catz]

My son developed a bladder infection shortly after starting kindergarten after never having any sort of urinary issues.  His doctor subjected him to tons of testing for urinary reflux that was totally unnecessary IMO and told me to have him circumcised (this doctor was Jewish and thought EVERY boy should be cir'd.  Please don't turn this into a circumcision debate).  So this particular issue was a stress point for me for the 2 years my son went to school.  Seems like reason enough to me.  (And FTR, my son hasn't had a problem since then.)

 

With a young kid, it's really not a huge leap to start homeschooling.

Edited September 13, 2016 by WoolySocks

[FaithManor]

I see both sides. I am not happy about how few bathroom breaks there are at the PS. I think some teachers are way too strict. Then again, I have also personally dealt with a child who played in the bathroom as an excuse to not be in class ( so much fun subbing in that classroom for six weeks - NOT), often finger painting with soap, and bullying other students when they came to use the restroom. It is more common than you think, and the soap finger painter's mother defended her and her bullying no end.

 

So my assumption is that Moxie knows the situation well enough to know that this is not good.

 

I have a crazy sister in law. She tried to homeschool. It was a disaster with far reaching consequences for my niece, consequences which are still being suffered years later and have caused her to shun her mother. I therefore understand the angst.

[Guest]

I've homeschooled for 11 years now and I've been here almost as long. I've seen lots of successes and lots of failures. I know homeschooling and I know this family. If you all still want to pile on and tell me how wrong I am, go ahead, I guess. But I'm not wrong.

[Ravin]

I've homeschooled for 11 years now and I've been here almost as long. I've seen lots of successes and lots of failures. I know homeschooling and I know this family. If you all still want to pile on and tell me how wrong I am, go ahead, I guess. But I'm not wrong.

 

People aren't calling you out on being wrong. They are calling you out on snark.

[SKL]

I have a relative who pulled her kid out because she considered the other kids in the school to be "trash."  Not that her personal biodata was anything to sing about.  :p  She should not have done it.  Her kid ended up failing at least some subjects and going back to b&m school the next year.

 

And I have another relative who can be a "hothead" when anything doesn't go right for her precious snowflake.  (But, she screams at and beats said special snowflake at home.)  She scares me.  I would never suggest homeschooling to her.  Her kid has had potty issues at school, and at home, and everywhere else, all her life; but when she was in K, it was all because of her teacher and another little girl in the class.  Come summer someone else was at fault.

 

So I think I understand that there may be more to the story here.

 

The bathroom issue could be legit for some kids.  Maybe even for this kid.  But I think I would try a few other things before I pulled my kid out just for that reason.

Edited September 13, 2016 by SKL

[AnnE-girl]

Middle schools in our region were just in the news for a ridiculous "bathroom passport" system. Kids are only allowed three bathroom breaks during class time per semester and if they lose their "passport" they forfeit any breaks they haven't used yet. They have a four minute passing period and aren't allowed to carry backpacks, so they have to go to their lockers to change books during that time too. I could see that being the final straw for someone already fed up with stupid school rules.

[Anne in CA]

This was an issue for me. My oldest did get bladder infections very easily so she needed to go the bathroom ASAP when she felt like going. HOWEVER, she abused this system and went several times a day just to wash her hands when she figured out the teacher would let her go without asking. She went from being sick all the time to never being sick with all the hand washing, lol so there was that silver lining. But it drove the teacher nuts that dd was not in class as much as she needed to be and dd was not capable of not pushing the envelope. She still isn't and she's 28, lol.

 

So, I get both sides. You can have both sides with the same kid. Lots of people shouldn't home school, probably Moxie's cousin is one since Moxie has known her for years and Moxie thinks so. But if the kid is such a special snowflake she is probably not learning much in school anyway... My oldest never did well in school. She wasn't likeable and both dh and I worked and weren't able to volunteer much in the school. When we started home schooling she was shocked that she had to learn things. She was expendable in school but she could learn A LOT with a little one on one time at home.

[Spryte]

I'd consider it if she asked but she is way to crazy to consider that she might need help.

 

Oh, that's too bad.  I wish her the best, for her kids' sake.  

[StephanieZ]

People aren't calling you out on being wrong. They are calling you out on snark.

 

Ditto. The mean spiritedness of your initial post was startling. 

 

Of course, sometimes homeschooling is a bad idea. Then again, many parents who screw up homeschooling would screw up equally well with kids in traditional schooling. 

 

However, nearly all other times, there are *plenty* of bystanders who don't approve, think the mom will fail, etc. I am pretty sure that nearly all of my inlaws thought my homeschooling was a terrible idea. Even my own family members who loved me had lots of disapproval and concerns for the first many years. I'm pretty sure that nearly all (maybe all) of the haters have since come to realize that I knew what I was doing and didn't ruin my family by homeschooling.

 

The strong family relationships, the delightful, kind, strong, brilliant, independent young people . . . the academic and personal successes. The National Merit thing . . . I think I've proved them all wrong. I hope your cousin proves you wrong. And I expect you've proved plenty of people wrong yourself. 

 

Meanwhile, I'd just encourage you to be kind. If you hate this woman, you probably shouldn't have her in your life. If you don't hate her, then be kind. 

[regentrude]

Coming from a country where "bathroom passes" do not exist and children have 10-15 minute breaks between 45 minute periods in which they can freely choose to take care of their bodily needs, I found the entire bathroom policing ridiculous when my kids attended US public school.

 

I pulled my DD out of school mid school year because they had to color in math in 6th grade. 

Actually, I had a lot of other reasons; that was the final straw. But to an outsider, it could have looked like that.

I pulled my DS from one day to the next. 

 

Bets luck to your cousin. We don't know what else is going  on.

 

[kiwik]

I think this was really a vent thread. I hope for the kids' sake it works or she sends them back to school quickly. I hope for your sake a failure doesn't get blamed on you.

 

Maybe this is the reason NZ requires a homeschooling exemption request to be filled in and approved (takes about 6 weeks I hear) before the kids are removed from school.

[mamiof5]

Has decided, overnight, to homeschool her kids because her sweet snowflake can't go to the restroom as often as she wants. This should be fun to watch.

I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, and think that you were truly concerned about the kids? But, calling her dd her "sweet snowflake" just sounded really sarcastic as well.

 

I hope it works out for them, that whatever they decide is the best for the kids.

[EmseB]

None of us know your cousin, so have no way of knowing what your original vent was about.

 

Some of us have experienced first hand being denied a bathroom pass or have had it happen to our kids. So while it might not be the number one reason anyone chooses to homeschool, snarking about it here without further context seems...strange.

 

For kids who are rule followers and people pleasers, having their teacher tell them they can't go to the bathroom can be painful and hugely embarrassing. I mean, there's very little that could be more embarrassing to a kid.

[Mimm]

Actually demeaning children by limiting access to the bathroom sounds like a perfectly good reason to homeschool.

 

ETA: One of my daughter's classes in 8th grade added points to the kids' grades if they never used the bathroom during class all year. There is not enough time to go between classes, especially for girls on their period.

Edited September 13, 2016 by Mimm

[Slache]

I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, and think that you were truly concerned about the kids? But, calling her dd her "sweet snowflake" just sounded really sarcastic as well.

 

I hope it works out for them, that whatever they decide is the best for the kids.

I think she was calling her that through her cousin's point of view.

[TechWife]

Actually demeaning children by limiting access to the bathroom sounds like a perfectly good reason to homeschool.

 

ETA: One of my daughter's classes in 8th grade added points to the kids' grades if they never used the bathroom during class all year. There is not enough time to go between classes, especially for girls on their period.

 

:thumbdown: That's horrible. What a terrible message that sends to kids - it pays off not to take care of yourself! 

[regentrude]

One of my daughter's classes in 8th grade added points to the kids' grades if they never used the bathroom during class all year. There is not enough time to go between classes, especially for girls on their period.

 

THAT would have been one of the rare reasons for me to go to the school and give them a strong piece of my mind.

I will never be able to understand why they run schools like prisons in this country.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

100% of the reason we homeschooled had to do with bathroom issues. They are real.

[bolt.]

THAT would have been one of the rare reasons for me to go to the school and give them a strong piece of my mind.

I will never be able to understand why they run schools like prisons in this country.

Don't your prisons have those toilet units in each cell? I see them in movies all the time.

[redsquirrel]

Moxie, I just want you know that I get it. There have been a couple folks in my circles that announce they are homeschooling and all I can think of is "of course they are, because what could go wrong?" lol. 

 

So good luck biting your tongue while this goes on, and hopefully it doesn't play out in such a way that you end up catching crap from the rest of the family because now your homeschooling is suspect..because you know, your cousin did that crazy thing and all homeschoolers are the same so you must be doing that crazy thing as well. Been there, done that

 

 

[mamiof5]

I think she was calling her that through her cousin's point of view.

I really hope so??? Probably the op had good intentions and legitimate concerns, but the wording of her post doesn't come through to me that way. Maybe I just misread it.

[SKL]

We do seem to have lots of room for improvement in the school bathroom department.  :p

 

When I was in high school, I wrote an article for the school paper about why they should give us more than 2.5 minutes between classes.  Of course I didn't get into the gory details, but there is very little you can do in 2.5 minutes (especially if you have to walk half a mile from class A to class B).  Being late to class gets punished, asking for a bathroom pass is embarrassing/humiliating.  (My personal solution was to wear 2 super plus tampons and just not go to the bathroom except at lunch time.)

 

Our principal (a male) said he didn't understand the problem.  He checked and it only took him 2 minutes to walk all the way from one corner of the school to the other (when the halls were empty).  Therefore 2.5 minutes were very generous.

 

Well anyhoo, I told my kids that if their teachers didn't give them permission to go to the toilet when they needed to, they should go anyway, and sort it out later.  I doubt they would get punished for having a bathroom emergency, pass or no pass.

Edited September 14, 2016 by SKL