How do you prep for the empty nest. . .?

[Alicia64]

In terms of:

 

going back to work?

 

maintaining your own interests?

 

Is there anything you do to make it easier when the kids are gone?

 

Alley

[Guest]

Oh yes.  Think of all the ways you can use their bedroom.  :0)  

It does help to have other interests than things centered on your kids.  And frankly, it is probably a relief to THEM.

 

I can't answer the back-to-work issue.  

[AK_Mom4]

Redecorate their rooms.

Move all their stuff into storage totes so I'm not tripping on it all the time.

Join interests and activities that I enjoyed that I had been putting off because all my time was taken up chauffeuring.

Instituted Date Night with DH each week.

Started paying money for real haircuts rather than refusing to spend $$ on myself.

Transitioning from work from home to work in the office one day a week.

 

This list could go on and on. DS20 is living at home while in college and DD15 has a few more years, but I have definitely begun thinking about a Life After Kids!

Edited September 13, 2016 by AK_Mom4

[The Girls' Mom]

I've gone back to school myself, and will be starting a new career. It also helps to think about things like not having to make dinner for 5 different picky tastes..lol.  

 

 

[Annie G]

Dh and I started transitioning a few years in advance and it seemed very natural. The kids were starting to do more on their own and that gave me and dh time to go on some day trips...and a few trips. I started enjoying my hobbies more and picked up a couple of new interests. I took a part time job. So by the time the kids flew, I was already pretty established with my new life. (Two have since rebounded back, but it's different because they're adults)   

 

Dh and I worked really hard through the years to maintain being a couple and not just being parents. I know several couples who either broke up or almost broke up when the kids went to college because their identity was wrapped up in parenting.  We didn't want to be those people. 

[FriedClams]

I'm planning on traveling, golfing, and spoiling them rotten when they come home. At this point (one in hs, a second in the fall) I'm making sure DH and I are connected - doing things together, making plans, dating, etc. Mentally I'm preparing myself as much as possible - getting excited for the kids and making sure I'm not raining on their parade.

[bettyandbob]

We needed more income several years ago. I started working very part time and have gradually ramped up over the years. It's been interesting. To start with I thought I was going to establish myself in one career field. I renewed certifications. But over a few years I determined that was the wrong direction. I'm on a whole new career path that I'm having fun with.

[Anne]

Another idea particularly good for after your last child departs, especially if you think it might throw you for a loop, is first, give yourself time to grieve the passing of an era, and then plan a special trip for yourself and dh. This will help you refocus on the future, rather than on the past.

 

It was hard to have my children leave home. It was good that they left home!! I miss the times while they were growing up, but I love the relationships we have now.

 

Anne

[Ottakee]

You do like my husband has done.....don't accept an empty nest....so keep the house full of children .

 

Our 3 adopted ones are 28,20 and 19 (all special needs so still home). Over 1 1/2 years ago we added an 11 year old boy who will be 13 in 2 weeks and thsn this summer we added his 8 year old brother....so I am now back to 3rd grade.

[regentrude]

I had always worked part time while homeschooling, and then I took on  a big project at work and went to full time when DD left for college, because I thought it would help fill the void. It did, but only a little bit - project was eventually finished, and maintenance phase is not as exciting. I had to do some heavy soul searching over the past two years what to do with my life. DS will leave next fall. I though about getting another degree, but can't really study the fields I want where I am at.

I think after two years, I finally figured out that I want to go back to writing and kick that up a notch. I am not quitting my job, of course, but I also don't feel that my job defines who I am. Something is missing now, and it has to be replaced by something that is a calling and fulfilling- not just an assortment of hobbies and activities that merely fill time. Book club, choir, women's circle - all nice, but not enough.

[gardenmom5]

I'm learning new skills - piano and spanish.

 

I have plans  . . . but I've been in this phase of my life for over 30 years . . . . I would love to have an empty nest . . . . I have a minimum of seven more years before dudeling leaves for college.

 

I'm having to remember, this is an important phase.

 

I'd also be happy to have grandchildren.  . . my only married child lives in tx.  four hours by plane. . . .

[Jenny in Florida]

I didn't do a great job of preparing, but these are some things that are helping me weather the shift.

 

I started tip-toeing back into working for pay in the year or so before my kids left. I found a very part-time job I could do online on a flexible schedule, It wasn't a lot of money, but it gave me something to do and to replace some of the time and energy I had been devoting to full-time homeschooling. Then, when both of my kids moved out in the same summer, that dinky part-time job provided me with a year of current experience around which I could recast my resume.

 

It's been two years, and I'm finally in a job that I like and feel like has a future, although I'm not making nearly as much as I did pre-kids, even without adjusting for inflation. Looking back, I think it would have been wise to start on that transition a bit earlier.

 

I've been making a conscious effort to reclaim some of my interests, but I haven't been super succesful there. It seems like a lot of the things I used to enjoy either aren't available to me or just don't hold my attention anymore. For example, I've been looking for three or four years for a way to get back into a choir, but haven't yet found a way to make it work with my schedule. And I have been trying to rekindle my enjoyment of movies, but popular cinema has changed so much in the last 20 years that I just don't want to see most of the films that get released. 

 

I've always been a big reader, and one advantage my forcible retirement from homeschooling provided was that I no longer had to devote any of my reading time to pre-reading stuff I was assigning to the kids. So, I have been more intentional about reading widely and setting goals for my reading each year, which I've been enjoying.

 

I also recently treated myself to the tuition for a non-credit/continuing education program offered online through the state university. I'm really loving being a "student" again, even on such a limited, fringy basis, and I realize that, too, is something I probably should have explored earlier.

 

Essentially, one of the things I loved about homeschooling was the ongoing planning and strategizing. I'm a future-focused person, and I'm happiest when I'm working toward goals. For me, part of this process has been finding things that interest me or that feel significant enough to me to absorb some of that energy. Seeing my "encore" career as a series of goals to be managed and achieved is helpful. Having educational goals for myself, even small ones, is good, too. 

 

Another aspect of what made homeschooling and SAHM-ing so meaningful for me was that I spent my days supporting other people's needs and interests. So, getting a job that taps into that same feeling has been good for me, too. (I work at the library.) 

 

My situation is complicated by the fact that my son decided at the beginning of this past summer to move home and finish his degree locally, which means that I'm back to a certain amount of parenting (and a fair amount of driving). I have days when I almost feel like my old self again, but it's hard to say how much of that is because I'm finally adjusting to the "new normal" and how much is that my nest is no longer really empty.

 

Truthfully, I don't expect to ever stop missing my former life or to ever feel for any interest or job or occupation the passion and vocation I felt for being a homeschooling mom. And, to be honest, admitting that out loud was also helpful to me, because it allowed me to stop flailing around trying to find something to "fix" how I felt. But I am beginning to make peace with that fact and to be able to look forward to pursuing other things.

[Carrie12345]

I don't know if we'll ever go fully empty nest. I'm looking forward to some no-kid time, but I'm on the fence as to whether I want that all the time.  I feel pulled toward foster care, so maybe as an emergency/respite home.  Or, as difficult as I may find my teens, lol, fostering and/or adopting teens who want a permanent family from which to launch.

 

The more time goes by (18 years of parenting, 9 of homeschooling, and 12 more to go,) the more I think I'm going to remain at least somewhat active in the homeschool community, whether as a volunteer or entrepreneur. I love it that much!

 

I do think I'm going to wind up going back to school within the next few years. Just a few classes at a time.  My area finally has a decent graduate program in social work. That field won't make a huge contribution to our retirement fund, but it'd help and fulfill a passion.

 

I'm going to miss my kids, whatever I wind up doing with my time.  But I have approximately 42,629 interests and could be content pursuing whichever make sense at any given moment.  I don't have *a* plan, I have Plans A-Z and variations on each one.

 

One of my teens fully intends to stay local forever.  If that actually happens, I'll happily do the Involved Grandma thing some day, as much as she wants.  If multiple kids stay local, I could potentially wind up busier than I am now, lol.  (By the time my youngest graduates, I'll have a 30yo and three 20-somethings, so it isn't far fetched to anticipate grandchildren!)

 

 

[Ellie]

In terms of:

 

going back to work?

 

maintaining your own interests?

 

Is there anything you do to make it easier when the kids are gone?

 

Alley

 

I started looking for things to be involved with when dc were about 13 and 17, such as Scottish country dance (and, later, the South Bay Scottish Society). I took the training to be a Precept Bible study leader. I also took fencing classes at the community college. I worked with Mr. Ellie in the Gideons International, and other volunteer things at church. I continued administrating a private school satellite program (California homeschool option). I worked for three years as a desktop publisher for a commercial real estate company, but three years was all I could bear. :-)

 

 

[Melissa in Australia]

Like ottakee we added more kids

Edited September 13, 2016 by Melissa in Australia

[Soror]

I started preparing REALLY early, like when my youngest was 1 maybe. I had a sort of personal identity crisis. I thought about going back for a Masters in Social Work, as my original plan had been to get my LCSW. But I reconsidered as I don't think that is my dream anymore. I've got various hobbies and have dabbled in this and that. In 2 wks time, I will start training to be a Yoga teacher. It is a 200 hr program that will take 8 months. I've had this dream since before I had kids. I'm not sure where it will take me but I know this is what I'm to do for now, so I'm following it. I expect I will start teaching some classes next year. As of now, I'm interested in doing kid's Yoga and mindfulness-based stress reduction programs. I would like to go on towards 500 hr training and certification as a kid's teacher but perhaps I should get this 200 hr training done before I make those plans :)

 

Being an Aerial teacher is also a dream as well but that will have to wait a bit for various reasons. My other big interest is being a naturalist. I'm not sure if I'd ever make that a career but I've considered part-time work at a state park doing programs with kids. Lastly, I've thought about having a play based pre-school program. Even doing just a 1 day program, like a forest school. I'm not sure if there would be an interest where I live but I think that is something I would enjoy. Right now I explore naturalism and such with the kids for fun and I look for opportunities to learn more. 

 

Oh, I don't know if I answered the question. I started my freak out distressing over my lost identity. Then I changed to brainstorming mode trying to figure out what I should do. Eventually, I settled into being open and looking for new experiences and realizing that I don't have to have it all figured out at once. One of my (many) mottos is, "Let's try it and see what happens!" I also decided to stop making decisions based on fear. I would not let fear stop me from trying something, now if I had other reasons along w/ fear then that is a valid reason not explore something but otherwise nope, I just go for it anyway. So, I try to be open to new people and new ideas. TBH Facebook has been a good source of hearing about local events. Also reading, you can explore a lot through books and sometimes that is the best way to dip your toes into something and decide if you want to pursue something further. 

Edited September 13, 2016 by soror

[Teacher Mom]

Guess I am weird. I didn't prep. I homeschooled 11.5 years with one child. Homeschooling was my full-time job, often 12 to 14 hours per day. And then it was over.

I listen to the silence. I am letting it heal me of the irritating emotional pulls one has when two very similar personalities clash in homeschooling.  I walk the dog and breathe in the quiet. I have done that for about two months. I have been seeing my horizon draw closer. Slowly, I am taking on projects I always wanted to try but couldn't because I was homeschooling. I am finding the joy in the person I was. Maybe that doesn't make sense but it wasn't something I could prep for. It is more that I needed a blanket of calm in which to rest before the old me emerged. I needed time to go from parent/teacher to person.

 

Reading the above, I guess the best answer I can give is time. Find and remember the parts of you that you were proud of or really liked. Hold yourself until you are ready and then launch, sail out on the sea of your own possibility. It really is kinda crazy and scary and hilarious all at the same time.

[purplejackmama]

I've gone back to school myself, and will be starting a new career. It also helps to think about things like not having to make dinner for 5 different picky tastes..lol.

Good for you! What's the new career?

[sassenach]

My youngest is in 7th grade and I've started taking college classes. I hope to have a new career launched sometime close to her graduation. I'm currently focused on staying present with her. I don't want to mentally check out and shortchange her (and she's my easiest kid, so it's a little easier to drift).

 

So many previous posters have shared the struggle to figure this all out and it's really neat to read where they're at now.

[Laura Corin]

I went back to work when the boys went off to school (aged 10 and 13).  I think that helped a lot when Calvin went off to University: I had the outside interest but also gained a new purpose - preparing us financially for retirement.

 

I took up yoga two years ago and feel much better for it.  I wear a Fitbit and make sure to walk at least 10,000 steps a day.  I have a new hairstyle and am taking care of my health and appearance.  These all help me to feel as if this phase is a start, not a finish.

 

My nest isn't very empty though.  Calvin is taking six months out from university; Hobbes is still at home; my mum moved in eight months ago.  Fuller than ever!

Edited September 13, 2016 by Laura Corin

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 5, 2016 by cathey

[The Girls' Mom]

Good for you! What's the new career?

Accounting.  I'm hoping to get my CPA in a few years :D  

[madteaparty]

I went back to work extremely part time after exactly 13 months at home. It's all I could bear.

But I need something else and I think there's a book that needs born I'm just not yet in that headspace. Creative work seems to require a sort of discipline I do not yet posses. It's easier to get up and go to a job.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I always have something going on that is just for me.  So that helps.  The older they get, the more I add on to the stuff that is just for me.  By the time they are gone, I'll be doing plenty of stuff.

 

I don't know what my future plans are exactly.  I may never know.  That's something that has always been my problem so I might just die not knowing.  Oh well.  LOL

 

 

[KatieJ]

My oldest to youngest is 13 years, so by the time my last got married, I already had lots of Grands.  I sew for them, alot, keeps me busy.  I also sewing several times a month with a charity who sews hats for the homeless.  I  Met new friends, and I am doing what I love to do. I could sew weekly with that group, who also sew quilts and donate to local hospitals if I ever get bored and run out of grands to sew for.

Edited September 13, 2016 by KatieinMich