Dreams and passions and purpose

[PeacefulChaos]

I have a bit of a hard time with all of these things, with people talking about having a 'purpose in life' or 'following their passions', etc. I don't honestly believe in these things, I think some people may feel they have a purpose in life but that overall it's caused a lot of strife in the world as people think they should have these things but don't and then feel inadequate, or like they've missed the point somehow, etc.

I'm sure there are those even on here who consider themselves to have a purpose in life - please understand that I'm not saying I don't believe you. I'm just saying I don't think it's the standard.

I'll go ahead and say that yes, I'm someone who doesn't believe I have a definite purpose in life - at least not one that I'm aware of. I live, I teach the kids, and I do my small part but there is no grand calling that I see for myself, no passion that I can pinpoint, no thing I can look at and call my purpose. Homeschooling and raising my kids is nothing so grand as to be called a purpose in life - it just is life. I feel no great passion for it - I enjoy it, etc - but it's not so important to me that I'd call it a purpose or something I'm passionate about.

 

So the latest thing that's come to my attention is the concept of dreams - you know, like what is your dream in life? I'm not sure yet if I consider this to be as elusive and unrealistic as 'purpose' or 'passion', but as I sit here and think about it, I can't say I have a dream.

I mean sure, I can 'dream' that we could take the vacations I want, etc- but I don't consider those 'dreams' in the sense of 'dreams you can actually chase after' because they are ultimately out of our control and honestly not very important.

I can maybe say that as a teenager I had a dream, but it was a silly and unrealistic one, looking back at it - I wanted to sing, to be on stage. At the time I lived it, breathed it, until one day I didn't. And I can't think of anything that I feel this way about anymore.

 

One reason I'm pondering these things (other than the fact that I do just enjoy pondering sometimes lol) is that I've become a bit bored as of late. It's not unusual and I've been bored before... I have had part time jobs, etc, to fill the boredom, or I've picked up projects, etc... And this time I'm considering whether or not it may be time to further my education now that the kids are growing older and I'm finding myself with more free time. That said, I don't want to go in blindly and I don't necessarily know if it's even something that I want at all! (And no worries, I wouldn't jump into it unless I knew I wanted to - like I said, just pondering!)

As I think 'should I consider going back to school?', however, the most obvious deterrent is that I have no clue what I'd want to go back for. I don't have anything I want to 'be' or 'do' at any point.

 

So anyway, I'm not so much looking for opinions on my situation as I am looking for experiences with these things. Do you have a dream? What is it? Why is that your dream? Do you think dreams are necessary? Etc.

Edited August 30, 2016 by PeacefulChaos

[regentrude]

I am surrounded by people who do the work they do because it is their passion and purpose. They gladly spend weekends and free time on the work they love and enjoy. So, to me, it is quite normal to have passion and purpose.

 

I myself had a dream that I was not able to fulfill. I fell into my profession accidentally and, while I enjoy it, I do not see it as much as part of my identity as almost all my friends see their professions as inextricable part of who they are.

This has led to me getting a bit bored and in the search for a new calling now that my children are grown up. I believe I have found what I was looking for and am embarking on spending the second half of my life, as an empty nester, on fulfilling a dream and following a passion I had since childhood. Now is the season for that. (I'll still keep working the job I like. It's all those hours that were devoted to parenting and homeschooling that want to be repurposed.)

 

Good luck in figuring out what you want to do.

Edited August 30, 2016 by regentrude

[Bluegoat]

Some people do have a passion of sorts and they manage to dedicate themselves to it.

 

I think there is a lot of luck involved there.  And people get into trouble when they expect that will be normal for most people, or they are owed or "deserve"  that kind of life, or that it wouldn't have significant trade-offs, that might not be worth it in some cases.

 

I think of purpose a little differently.  I tend to think that as human beings our purpose is to live a good life, to do what life puts in front of us with grace and dedication, to be useful members of our community.  I think we run into trouble, in many cases, when we think this is meant to be linked to "passion"  there is a sort of half-acknowledged but not really well thought out about a kind of purpose the universe has for us - a spiritual assumption, really, but not one I've ever heard taught in any mature spiritual setting.

 

There are many important roles we can find ourselves in, that need to be done well or with dedication, that few will feel passionate about.  It's nice to have people really enjoy their work, but that isn't what gives it value.  It's good to make use of our gifts, but in many cases things may just not work out where we get to develop them to the degree we could.  Perhaps had I lived in a different time and place, I would be great at basket weaving, or finding water, but those aren't activities I have much opportunity to work at.  Maybe Mrs Caveman had the potential to be a great computer programmer, but if that is the only way she will be fulfilled she is going to remain unfulfilled.

 

At least as valuble as identifying one's passion, I think, is learning to be really satisfied and to make the most of where we find ourselves.

 

[Crimson Wife]

I think this is a worldview thing. If you're the type of person who believes in God/Yahweh/Allah/etc. and that everything that happens is part of a larger plan, then finding your calling is both positive and important.

 

When I read your OP, I hear someone who is spiritually adrift and in need of connecting/reconnecting with God to find her true calling. You're free to disagree with my take, but that's my $0.02...

[Bluegoat]

I think this is a worldview thing. If you're the type of person who believes in God/Yahweh/Allah/etc. and that everything that happens is part of a larger plan, then finding your calling is both positive and important.

 

When I read your OP, I hear someone who is spiritually adrift and in need of connecting/reconnecting with God to find her true calling. You're free to disagree with my take, but that's my $0.02...

 

I don't know.  I believe in God, I believe in Divine Providence, I don't really believe in this passion/purpose idea - I think it's a cultural thing, from a very privaledged culture and class.

[SKL]

I have changed as I've gotten older.

 

I believed in the dream / passion thing until I was established in my first "career."  Reality was that I needed to take a job that would pay the bills, and that the skills that could make me money didn't happen to be the ones I was passionate about.  Over time the money got more important in terms of making me feel secure (paying off big student loans, mortgage, saving a bit).  I would try to fit my "passions" in by doing volunteer work etc., but mostly the passions just faded.  I'm not sure whether this is just a normal thing that happens with age.

 

Now when I get a little time to do the things I used to love, I don't care that much about it.  I don't even feel like doing some of them.  I don't have any feelings about encouraging my kids to like what I used to like.  I'm not sure whether this is normal for a middle-aged person, or whether I have something wrong with me.

 

I pretty much don't care if I die without doing the things I used to be passionate about.

[kroe1]

Get a job in an ER. You will immediately feel passion, purpose, exhilaration, and even have a few dreams fulfilled. You will even see the hands of God nightly.

[Crimson Wife]

So anyway, I'm not so much looking for opinions on my situation as I am looking for experiences with these things. Do you have a dream? What is it? Why is that your dream? Do you think dreams are necessary? Etc.

 

Forgot to answer this part, but yes. I believe that the reason God allowed my youngest child to suffer from hearing loss is because He is calling me to use my talents and time in working with the deaf and hard-of-hearing. I've always wanted to work in a "helping" profession with children but I wasn't sure until last year exactly how. It became clear to me when I struggled to find someone who could help my daughter after the discovery of her hearing loss that there is a desperate need in my community for speech therapists trained in auditory-verbal therapy.

 

There was a great quote in the book Disability and the Gospel about how God uses adversity like a sculptor uses a chisel to form a beautiful statue out of a block of marble.

[Crimson Wife]

I don't know.  I believe in God, I believe in Divine Providence, I don't really believe in this passion/purpose idea - I think it's a cultural thing, from a very privaledged culture and class.

 

If it's a "privilege" thing, then how do you explain its presence in missionaries, those in religious vocations, and humanitarian aid workers who put up with very challenging circumstances in order to carry out their mission/calling? Think of the nuns of Mother Theresa's order who work in the slums of Calcutta or the healthcare workers who fought Ebola in West Africa.

 

[wintermom]

Do you set goals?  Aren't "dreams" another way of saying "goal?"  People usually set a goal or goals to try and achieve something they'd like to have or enjoy doing. They may love the thing so much they'd use the word "passion" to describe it, or "life purpose" if they felt it was important enough for them. 

 

One thing is pretty common, though, if people don't set a goal and have a plan to achieve it, they're very unlikely to get that thing. They might still not reach that precise goal, but they will be moving toward something and they may even end up with something else that they like. 

Edited August 30, 2016 by wintermom

[Liz CA]

I don't see it as much a privilege rather than getting to know one's strength and using it for something good.

A Jewish rabbi once told me that the most interesting talk she ever heard was a speaker who challenged his audience by saying: "Ask yourself 'Why was I born?'"

I am not Jewish but I found this an interesting perspective.

 

You mention schooling and mothering your children. This may sound mundane but in its essence it is not. Life has seasons. You may be raising children now, when they are grown you may find something else to pour your energy and time into. For me, it did involve a return to university but it won't be the same path for everyone.

[SKL]

One thing I figured out early in my career.  The thing I'm meant to do might not be something cool or novel-worthy.  I figured out that the thing I'm really good at is organizing.  Taking a pile of mess and turning it into something that makes sense and moves the organization forward.  I'm good at seeing opportunity in a problem situation.  Stuff like that.  It's not what anyone would call a passion, but I guess you could say there is some purpose in it.

 

I always thought I was meant to be a mom of lots of kids.  And to revolutionize the teaching of reading and some other stuff.  And to make a mark on special education.  Before kids, I did a lot of volunteering with at-risk kids.  And right now my kids take up some of those energies.  It's not like I envisioned it, but I do raise kids, I do address special needs, I did teach reading.  Will I be all used up when my kids stop needing me?  Time will tell.

 

I'm glad, though, that I'm past the stage where I felt life wouldn't have meaning if I didn't make a huge mark on the world.  A little mark is quite enough for me now.

[Bluegoat]

If it's a "privilege" thing, then how do you explain its presence in missionaries, those in religious vocations, and humanitarian aid workers who put up with very challenging circumstances in order to carry out their mission/calling? Think of the nuns of Mother Theresa's order who work in the slums of Calcutta or the healthcare workers who fought Ebola in West Africa.

 

 

These are jobs where more people than average seem to feel a sort of calling. 

 

They are very much minority, even in the wealthy west, even among Christians or other religious.

 

I also wouldn't assume that the people in these positions necessarily feel passionate about them, rather than they see a need and they are in a position to do something about it.

 

Most people find themselves in work that is what comes to them.  Their father and grandfather might have done the same thing, now they do it, and there really are not other options, especially once there is a family to support.  Or they live in a town where they have family responsibilities holding them there, and so they work in a local pizza shop or doing some book-keeping, neither of which they have a strong sense of calling about. I think that can amount to evidence of a "calling" just as much as these more passionate feelings.

 

What often strikes me is that these passion vocations are often among the sexier kinds of work - like a healthcare worker with a dread disease or fighting against poverty in a heroic struggle, or the clever person who can get grants for the social programs your organization runs.  People don't often talk about the guy who cleans the bathrooms in the local coffee shop or even the people washing the pots after the soup kitchen or Sunday service in the same terms.  Most people do these jobs because they need to be done.  But a whole life can be dedicated to doing those kinds of small tasks, just picking them up when they need to be done, because someone needs to do them.

[creekland]

I think our purpose as humans is quite simple.  We're to take care of our planet, our family, and our neighbors as we go through this life together.  Period.  This, of course, takes different forms for different people as we settle into our niche, but it's the same purpose.  Leave this planet (and other humans) as good or better than when we found it.

 

As for everything else?  Passion?  Dreams?  I think those vary as we age.  I literally just quit my job at school today after 16 years.  Up until Friday I was just assuming I'd go back same as every other year.  I've already been told that many teachers are sad and many kids will be disappointed.  I knew that would happen.  But I'm pretty sure I'm ready to move on - not even sure where TBH.  It's not overwhelming to feel this way (for me).  It's liberating.  I've never been a "rut" person.  It'll be interesting to see where life takes me next.  And if I don't find whatever it is that I'm looking for, the school will gladly take me back, so I suppose there's a safety net... but I don't really feel the need for one.

 

My purpose hasn't changed though.  I didn't leave anyone "hanging" (since I'm just a sub, not a full time teacher and due to a last minute paperwork (state) deal, hadn't yet scheduled anything).  I can still influence lives and make things "better" wherever I end up next - that much I'm sure of.  I just need to see which way the wind is blowing (after Labor Day) to see where I want to set sail to.

[Guest]

I don't know. I believe in God, I believe in Divine Providence, I don't really believe in this passion/purpose idea - I think it's a cultural thing, from a very privaledged culture and class.

I don't follow the passion thing, but I think vocation is a better word and definition to encompass what I believe is a very biblical idea.

 

Here is my take - Whatever our vocation and wherever we are in life, we do it to be very best of our abilities and glorify God in the big and 'important' things as well as the little ways. The way the world defines good/important/praiseworthy is truly twisted and demoralizing to the millions of people who live in the hard, ugly, or just plain boring activities of their lives, and yet those necessary actions are NOT small to God.

 

As a mom not calls to anything the world sees as important, earth shaking, or even very fun, I've had to confront the idea of self fulfillment compared to good, honest, difficult daily drudgery head on. It's not been easy, but the only way I find contentment and joy is taking my life out of the context of what I would have previously defined as passion inducing, dream worthy, or even 'fun' and start looking at it through the lens of scripture. It makes all the nose wiping and vacuuming look like an honorable, praiseworthy thing instead of a pain, and it makes my life look so comfortable and beautiful and full of blessing even when it is hard.

 

Context is everything when it comes to contentment. And I see this dichotomy as an issue of heart more than circumstance to some extent, when things are going well enough but I'm not feeling very 'fulfilled' or important.

[PeacefulChaos]

OP here - I will try to remember to respond more later when I'm on the computer. :)

 

I did want to briefly mention, since I didn't in the OP, that I'm not feeling like I'm in a rut or restless in the boredom right now - more that I'm seeing the boredom as time to reflect and think and ponder on things as I see if anything brings itself to light as a next step.

It could be that this time is just a time to ponder and that nothing new or different will present itself at this time, and that's fine. I can't say I'm searching for it. I'm just thinking. :)

I don't feel discontent and I enjoy life overall. I don't think that ones purpose has to be a big goal or dream, but that smaller things could be purpose if one felt them to be.

That said, I don't feel anything to be my purpose and I'm 100% ok with that. :)

 

 

I also don't consider myself spiritually adrift... I am a Christian and many of my viewpoints have come to light as I've matured in my faith, not vice versa. :)

 

Lastly, someone mentioned goals. I can't say I really set particular goals on a regular basis - I can't even say I know what goals I would care to set. I mean, if I want to do something I can set a goal - if I want to run a 5k I can train for it, if I want to go on a trip I can work and save for it - but nothing of that sort is a regular occurrence to me.

 

I'm curious about what sorts of goals others set for themselves. What are they regarding?

Edited August 30, 2016 by PeacefulChaos

[happi duck]

I get frustrated by the emphasis on dream/passion/purpose.

 

If one doesn't have that "thunderbolt" experience in some circles it's made out to be some sort of human failing, kwim?

 

I think the overemphasis can cause discontent if one doesn't have a passion and also failure to branch out of one's defined "purpose".

 

Even with pastimes nowadays it seems one needs to be "obsessed" to be a "true fan".

 

*Sighs*

 

.

Edited August 30, 2016 by happi duck

[Farrar]

I feel like I know what you mean about the whole passion and purpose thing. I think it is really cultural, this whole follow your bliss mentality. It's like the idolization of this little graph that I see people share on social media sometimes:

http://www.multivariablesolutions.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/purpose-Studio-Insights-by-Michael-David-Sturlin.jpg

 

I have no solutions... but I feel a bit similarly. I'm good with homeschooling. I do get a little passion out of it. But I also feel like I should do something else and plan for the future and I have no clue what else I want to be doing. And without that whole model, it's hard to know where to start entirely.

[Bluegoat]

I get frustrated by the emphasis on dream/passion/purpose.

 

If one doesn't have that "thunderbolt" experience in some circles it's made out to be some sort of human failing, kwim?

 

I think the overemphasis can cause discontent if one doesn't have a passion and also failure to branch out of one's defined "purpose".

 

Even with pastimes nowadays it seems one needs to be "obsessed" to be a "true fan".

 

*Sighs*

 

.

 

Yes, the fan thing I sometimes find a little odd.  It seems natural to me for tweens and teens to be obsessive about fan stuff, but I see a lot of adults now who seem to define themselves by their various fandoms.

[mamiof5]

I do have a dream, to make it to Heaven, and hopefully help my kids and husband to get there as well. And a purpose too, to know, love and serve God in this life to be with Him in the next.

 

I try my very best to live based on this, and to follow His call for me daily. Doesn't always work, but I can keep trying :)

[wendy not in HI]

I just read this article about passion and doing your job even when you lose the passion:

http://www.fastjetperformance.com/podcasts/the-passionless-pilot-why-the-advice-to-follow-your-passion-is-inherently-flawed

 

I thought it was an interesting article, about finding passion in what you are doing rather than looking outside to find something you are passionate about.  I have always felt passionate about being a mom.  I am an incredible driver of kids to school and activities and I do it so well.  Unfortunately, these kids are growing up fast!  We only have 2 at home this year, and soon they won't need a driver.

 

I am looking ahead and thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my life. At about the same time our youngest graduates, my husband will likely retire from the military.  So it will be a lot of change in a short time.

 

I think i will go to school, maybe next year. I am considering accounting?  Something steady and employable, even if we move around for a few more years.  I'm not particularly passionate about finance, but I am interested in a career for myself.

[regentrude]

I'm curious about what sorts of goals others set for themselves. What are they regarding?

 

Goals can be career related, like: in five years I want to achieve tenure, have published a textbook, run my own business, found a non profit.

Goals can be skill related: in x years, I want to climb Anapurna, play a Bach sonata on the violin, read War and Peace in Russian.

Goals can be: to make it happen to live in a certain place, to save enough so a parent can quit work and stay home, to have a child.

 

Larger goals I had throughout my life were:

get a  PhD in physics - check

spend a year or two in a foreign country - check

give birth to, and raise, two children - check

I actually had a very difficult time once I had accomplished all this, because I was lacking a clear goal and felt I was drifting.

 

Smaller goals I had:

perform the soprano solo in a Bach cantata

learn to record and edit video so I can produce online lectures 

learn  to speak French (in progress)

 

Current goal, now that I finally figured out where I want to focus my energies as an empty nester:  (self)publish a book of poetry by my 50th birthday. There, I said it. Now I am accountable and must deliver ;)

Edited August 30, 2016 by regentrude

[Alicia64]

We moved so DH could keep his passion that happens to pay well.

 

I want to encourage my kids to find work that excites them.

 

Alley

[Guest]

Goals are a bit of a different thing to me, but I have a few!

 

I want to improve my fitness and do more cycling, also get back into figure skating.

 

When we move closer to our teacher I want to resume piano.

 

I'd like to finish college and get my degree out of the way.

 

Some day far off, when I have no small children, I want the time to work in charity and volunteering way more than I can right now.

 

And the immediate goal is to really optimize our home and belongings, so they are pared down, functional, and I'm not feeling like we are bursting at the seams as we stay in this house. Also, regaining control over our debt and digging out of the hole we are in. I win this one every time I don't spend on something - it's paying myself down the road to say no now :)

[Donna]

I believe some people find something and have the drive/desire to pursue it to the point of a passion but other people either don't find any one thing or don't have the drive/desire to pursue something that interests them. I know many people who have multiple interests and not one primary thing so they spread their resources to many different thing. I don't think a passion always becomes a career or that having a passion is necessary to live a happy, fulfilling life.

 

I always wanted to work with developmentally delayed children. From ten years old, I wanted to be a pediatrician because it was the only occupation I knew that did that but when I learned about physical therapy at sixteen, I immediately headed in that direction because it would also allow me to be a mother and raise a family (my biggest passion in life). I wanted to work part time and not spend as many years in school as being a pediatrician would require. I always have goals for myself...like giving dd a great high school education or finishing a Coursera course on something I am interested in or cleaning my basement or making it to the gym three days a week or organizing our two week trip to the UK. I have other goals for when all my kids are grown.

 

My oldest ds was passionate about wrestling but had a run-in with reality and now is working on a degree in college that will provide him a pathway to a career.

 

My middle ds loves music. I don't know that I would call it a "passion"...he does not have a lot of drive. He works hard enough and has talent so he gets by with that. He is touring/playing music full time at the moment making decent money but don't know that it would support a family and life on the road is difficult. He is young and single so it works now. He will go to college in the next year or so to have a backup plan.

 

Dd is still young but she is definitely passionate about music. She has the talent and the drive...given the bit of "luck" also required, she might be able to make a career of it. She and/or her brother might also decide to go a more "traditional" career route and do music on the side. People do live the life my musician children desire (we know many of them) so they know the pros and cons. Whether or not it will be a reality for them or that they will even think the pros outweigh the cons in the long run is still up in the air. 

[Crimson Wife]

Do you set goals?  Aren't "dreams" another way of saying "goal?"  People usually set a goal or goals to try and achieve something they'd like to have or enjoy doing. They may love the thing so much they'd use the word "passion" to describe it, or "life purpose" if they felt it was important enough for them. 

 

One thing is pretty common, though, if people don't set a goal and have a plan to achieve it, they're very unlikely to get that thing. They might still not reach that precise goal, but they will be moving toward something and they may even end up with something else that they like. 

 

Goals are different than having a calling/purpose. I try to set goals that are in service of my calling (such as finishing my 2nd bachelor's, getting accepted to and finishing grad school, passing the certification exam, etc.) but not all goals fall into that category. People have goals to run a marathon or lose 30 lbs. or whatever but those aren't a "calling".

 

[Rosie_0801]

I think the purpose of my life is to work on self actualising and helping other people self actualise too. It's a useful thing to have as a direction, because the final exam isn't until you're leaving your death bed, and at that point, everyone passes. (In both sense, lol.) 

 

What is required for any of that reveals itself over time.

[Crimson Wife]

 I think it is really cultural, this whole follow your bliss mentality.

 

"Follow your bliss" is definitely cultural because it places the emphasis on the pursuit of individual happiness rather than service to others in the name of something bigger than any one person.

 

I am definitely NOT "following my bliss" when I study speech acoustics because I find the subject tedious. But I can put up with doing something that I dislike because it is necessary in order to fulfill the calling I feel that God has given me. It might make me more blissful in the short run to watch TV but some things are more important than hedonistic pleasure.

 

[Guest]

Meh. I don't understand all this talk about finding your passion and dreaming and whatnot.

I had one dream in life: I wanted to be an astrophysicist when I was little. I was told I wasn't smart enough and sure enough, I'm not. I think it was Sadie who said "if I was meant to cure cancer, I would be curing cancer." So I do the next best thing I can do. I clean my church. I am going back to school. I have some charitable sewing projects I need to get done once my hand heals. Nothing "dreamy" or anything that I'm passionate about. But definitely things I enjoy.

[Tap]

I used to have dreams, passions, wishes and wants.

 

I now get by day to day.  A high-light is getting a decent meal on the table.  Or getting some part of my house clean. But it is never long lasting and it will never change.  Meals will always need to be cooked and room will always need to be cleaned. 

 

My sole purpose seems to be raising difficult children.  I am burnt out.  I have nothing left to invest into myself. Maybe some day I will have time or energy, but since dd9 may not ever be on her own, I doubt it. 

 

I have been to 112 doctors appointments for my family since January 1 2016. That is an average of 3.5 doctors appointments per week.  This has been my life for years.  They were each 1-4 hours long.  I work 40-50 hours a week in pharmacy spreading it over 6 days, so I am off work at 2pm on school days.  I am basically a single parent. So, all appts on on me in the afternoon.  Fall sports are staring up again, so my evenings are spent at volleyball,, swimming, Awana, and Cheer.  

 

My dream of a decent meal on the table is realistic, and something I can attain a few times a week. (there is always food, just not  always a 'decent' meal).  Beyond that, I don't bother dreaming.  My unattainable goals make me sad.  My old passions are depressing since I know now that they will never happen.  My purpose....Is apparently to get really good at going to doctors appointments.  Oh, and navigating 504/ IEP meetings, I sure seem to go to enough of them. 

 

 

Edited August 31, 2016 by Tap

[Rosie_0801]

:grouphug: 's Tap.

[Guest]

I used to have dreams, passions, wishes and wants.

 

I now get by day to day. A high-light is getting a decent meal on the table. Or getting some part of my house clean. But it is never long lasting and it will never change. Meals will always need to be cooked and room will always need to be cleaned.

 

My sole purpose seems to be raising difficult children. I am burnt out. I have nothing left to invest into myself. Maybe some day I will have time or energy, but since dd9 may not ever be on her own, I doubt it.

 

I have been to 112 doctors appointments for my family since January 1 2016. That is an average of 3.5 doctors appointments per week. This has been my life for years. They were each 1-4 hours long. I work 40-50 hours a week in pharmacy spreading it over 6 days, so I am off work at 2pm on school days. I am basically a single parent. So, all appts on on me in the afternoon. Fall sports are staring up again, so my evenings are spent at volleyball,, swimming, Awana, and Cheer.

 

My dream of a decent meal on the table is realistic, and something I can attain a few times a week. (there is always food, just not always a 'decent' meal). Beyond that, I don't bother dreaming. My unattainable goals make me sad. My old passions are depressing since I know now that they will never happen. My purpose....Is apparently to get really good at going to doctors appointments. Oh, and navigating 504/ IEP meetings, I sure seem to go to enough of them.

:(. I'm sorry everything has been so hard. Hugs here, too.

[happymom4]

I actually felt like I was the only one who felt dreamless and passionless.  I won't say purposeless because that gives people the wrong connotation like I'm depressed or lost spiritually when I'm not.  I am a Christian who believes (knows) I was created on purpose with a spiritual purpose towards God.  Outside of that, though, I have no strong feeling, desire, or inclination towards anything else.  I, too, am struggling through boredom trying to find something to get excited or passionate about.  Again, I'm not unhappy or depressed.  I don't feel a calling to any profession, I don't have any special talents (well, none I want to hone and pursue), I don't have a goal I'm working towards.  I'm actually considering getting a dog to break up the mundaneness :).  

 

I do think there is a cultural element to this idea of having a dream/purpose/passion.  We have books like The Purpose Driven Life , quotes about following you dreams, to the point were I see it has become a popular sermon topic in churches as well as secular arenas.  I think it does come from the mindset of living in a wealthy country where there is free access the education and we are told the sky is the limit.  We love to hear stories of the good old American dream of how a person found wealth and happiness by having a dream and working hard towards it.  This is not the case in most of the world.  

 

I wonder if having a dream/passion is the exception and not the rule?  My dh seems to be the opposite of me and has many passions and goals.  Many moms in my co-op seem that way too.  Sometimes I just want to makeup/randomly pick something to pursue so it looks like I'm doing something, you know?

[PeacefulChaos]

I'm going to try to reply to some of these (if I can remember what I was going to say now that I quoted so many!) before I go to bed. :)

Some people do have a passion of sorts and they manage to dedicate themselves to it.

 

I think there is a lot of luck involved there.  And people get into trouble when they expect that will be normal for most people, or they are owed or "deserve"  that kind of life, or that it wouldn't have significant trade-offs, that might not be worth it in some cases.

 

I think of purpose a little differently.  I tend to think that as human beings our purpose is to live a good life, to do what life puts in front of us with grace and dedication, to be useful members of our community.  I think we run into trouble, in many cases, when we think this is meant to be linked to "passion"  there is a sort of half-acknowledged but not really well thought out about a kind of purpose the universe has for us - a spiritual assumption, really, but not one I've ever heard taught in any mature spiritual setting.

 

There are many important roles we can find ourselves in, that need to be done well or with dedication, that few will feel passionate about.  It's nice to have people really enjoy their work, but that isn't what gives it value.  It's good to make use of our gifts, but in many cases things may just not work out where we get to develop them to the degree we could.  Perhaps had I lived in a different time and place, I would be great at basket weaving, or finding water, but those aren't activities I have much opportunity to work at.  Maybe Mrs Caveman had the potential to be a great computer programmer, but if that is the only way she will be fulfilled she is going to remain unfulfilled.

 

At least as valuble as identifying one's passion, I think, is learning to be really satisfied and to make the most of where we find ourselves.

 

I agree very much with what you're saying in this thread!  

I don't see it as much a privilege rather than getting to know one's strength and using it for something good.

A Jewish rabbi once told me that the most interesting talk she ever heard was a speaker who challenged his audience by saying: "Ask yourself 'Why was I born?'"

I am not Jewish but I found this an interesting perspective.

 

You mention schooling and mothering your children. This may sound mundane but in its essence it is not. Life has seasons. You may be raising children now, when they are grown you may find something else to pour your energy and time into. For me, it did involve a return to university but it won't be the same path for everyone.

re the first bolded - that's the kind of talk (no offense to you at all, please understand) that I believe is causing the problem that some have mentioned - while I don't think I'm missing out on anything by not feeling a strong purpose/passion/calling/etc, there are many who do.  And at one time when I was first realizing it, I thought so as well - that there must be something wrong or lacking if I didn't have something that I considered my purpose.  I'm sorry to say that I don't see how a question like that, posed to any group of people, could be encouraging or helpful at all.  No one knows exactly why they were born, only that they were.  I don't mean to sound fatalistic at all - but yeah.  

As for the second bolded part - meh.  I understand what you are saying but this area of my life just is what it is.  I'm not diminishing it, but I'm not glorifying it, either.  I also don't necessarily think that a 'purpose' will necessarily present itself at any point in my life.  I just don't think that kind of thing is necessary.

 

One thing I figured out early in my career.  The thing I'm meant to do might not be something cool or novel-worthy.  I figured out that the thing I'm really good at is organizing.  Taking a pile of mess and turning it into something that makes sense and moves the organization forward.  I'm good at seeing opportunity in a problem situation.  Stuff like that.  It's not what anyone would call a passion, but I guess you could say there is some purpose in it.

 

I always thought I was meant to be a mom of lots of kids.  And to revolutionize the teaching of reading and some other stuff.  And to make a mark on special education.  Before kids, I did a lot of volunteering with at-risk kids.  And right now my kids take up some of those energies.  It's not like I envisioned it, but I do raise kids, I do address special needs, I did teach reading.  Will I be all used up when my kids stop needing me?  Time will tell.

 

I'm glad, though, that I'm past the stage where I felt life wouldn't have meaning if I didn't make a huge mark on the world.  A little mark is quite enough for me now.

I agree with this, too.  As someone else mentioned, people are more likely to call the 'sexier' professions their 'calling' and I don't think that for a person to have a 'calling' it needs to be anything that's a big deal.  

And I'm with you on that last part, for sure.  

 

I don't follow the passion thing, but I think vocation is a better word and definition to encompass what I believe is a very biblical idea.

Here is my take - Whatever our vocation and wherever we are in life, we do it to be very best of our abilities and glorify God in the big and 'important' things as well as the little ways. The way the world defines good/important/praiseworthy is truly twisted and demoralizing to the millions of people who live in the hard, ugly, or just plain boring activities of their lives, and yet those necessary actions are NOT small to God.

As a mom not calls to anything the world sees as important, earth shaking, or even very fun, I've had to confront the idea of self fulfillment compared to good, honest, difficult daily drudgery head on. It's not been easy, but the only way I find contentment and joy is taking my life out of the context of what I would have previously defined as passion inducing, dream worthy, or even 'fun' and start looking at it through the lens of scripture. It makes all the nose wiping and vacuuming look like an honorable, praiseworthy thing instead of a pain, and it makes my life look so comfortable and beautiful and full of blessing even when it is hard.

Context is everything when it comes to contentment. And I see this dichotomy as an issue of heart more than circumstance to some extent, when things are going well enough but I'm not feeling very 'fulfilled' or important.

 

This is a bit of a rabbit trail, but many years ago I read a terrible book called 'anonymous' by... Alicia Chole?  I think?... with a moms book club from church.  It was at this time, though I didn't realize it then, that I was beginning to see the gaping holes in 'Christian living' as taught by contemporary 'motivational' authors.  I'm not equating what you said to them, at all, I just thought of it when I saw the part about little things mattering to God.  I don't necessarily agree with that statement (as I don't believe in 'God's will' in a personal sense or that there is any such thing as 'God's will for my life' for individuals, I just see things a bit differently) - but the book talked a lot about how 'we' (moms I guess?  Can't remember lol) feel like no one 'sees' the work we do and goes on to talk about how God sees it all.  

My main problems with the book lie in the theology of it, because I don't know why anyone should assume that they should be recognized or applauded for all the things they do.  I think that's all part of the culture and the book was making the culture the theology.  

Sorry, that was random!  Anyway.

Yes, the fan thing I sometimes find a little odd.  It seems natural to me for tweens and teens to be obsessive about fan stuff, but I see a lot of adults now who seem to define themselves by their various fandoms.

 

:lol: :lol: *hides all my kpop fandom stuff and nods* :leaving: :lol:

lol, this would not help me. 

 

"Random chance" is never super motivating!

 

Idk. It's enough to find yourself alive, try your best, and attempt to be a decent person. Really. 

 

If I was born to cure cancer, I'd be curing cancer, kwim ? 

 

I also agree very much with this!

We moved so DH could keep his passion that happens to pay well.

 

I want to encourage my kids to find work that excites them.

 

Alley

I can see the value in that, but at the same time I wouldn't want them to think that everything should be exciting, that every day should be wonderful, etc.  Idk.  DH and I are very similar in our thinking on these things for our lives personally - he doesn't feel that he has any sort of passions, same as me.  And not in a bad way.  He sees his job as a job and does it well, but it's not his calling or anything.  I think that's probably the case for most people.  I think the key is just to not hate it :lol: ... or at least to somewhat enjoy or be good at it.  However, a vocation is just a vocation, not life.

If Link wants to be a doctor, that's great, but I don't want him to go into it thinking it's going to be his passion or his purpose and then feel discouraged when it's not all perfect.  Kwim?

 

I used to have dreams, passions, wishes and wants.

 

I now get by day to day.  A high-light is getting a decent meal on the table.  Or getting some part of my house clean. But it is never long lasting and it will never change.  Meals will always need to be cooked and room will always need to be cleaned. 

 

My sole purpose seems to be raising difficult children.  I am burnt out.  I have nothing left to invest into myself. Maybe some day I will have time or energy, but since dd9 may not ever be on her own, I doubt it. 

 

I have been to 112 doctors appointments for my family since January 1 2016. That is an average of 3.5 doctors appointments per week.  This has been my life for years.  They were each 1-4 hours long.  I work 40-50 hours a week in pharmacy spreading it over 6 days, so I am off work at 2pm on school days.  I am basically a single parent. So, all appts on on me in the afternoon.  Fall sports are staring up again, so my evenings are spent at volleyball,, swimming, Awana, and Cheer.  

 

My dream of a decent meal on the table is realistic, and something I can attain a few times a week. (there is always food, just not  always a 'decent' meal).  Beyond that, I don't bother dreaming.  My unattainable goals make me sad.  My old passions are depressing since I know now that they will never happen.  My purpose....Is apparently to get really good at going to doctors appointments.  Oh, and navigating 504/ IEP meetings, I sure seem to go to enough of them. 

:( :grouphug:

 

I actually felt like I was the only one who felt dreamless and passionless.  I won't say purposeless because that gives people the wrong connotation like I'm depressed or lost spiritually when I'm not.  I am a Christian who believes (knows) I was created on purpose with a spiritual purpose towards God.  Outside of that, though, I have no strong feeling, desire, or inclination towards anything else.  I, too, am struggling through boredom trying to find something to get excited or passionate about.  Again, I'm not unhappy or depressed.  I don't feel a calling to any profession, I don't have any special talents (well, none I want to hone and pursue), I don't have a goal I'm working towards.  I'm actually considering getting a dog to break up the mundaneness .  

 

I do think there is a cultural element to this idea of having a dream/purpose/passion.  We have books like The Purpose Driven Life , quotes about following you dreams, to the point were I see it has become a popular sermon topic in churches as well as secular arenas.  I think it does come from the mindset of living in a wealthy country where there is free access the education and we are told the sky is the limit.  We love to hear stories of the good old American dream of how a person found wealth and happiness by having a dream and working hard towards it.  This is not the case in most of the world.  

 

I wonder if having a dream/passion is the exception and not the rule?  My dh seems to be the opposite of me and has many passions and goals.  Many moms in my co-op seem that way too.  Sometimes I just want to makeup/randomly pick something to pursue so it looks like I'm doing something, you know?

 

Yes, the cultural element - especially as it is promoted in Christian circles - has a huge negative impact.  

I hear teens and young adults say things about 'trying to find God's will' for their lives and I'm just thinking no, don't! because I don't think that exists.  I think it's turned out to be incredibly harmful to a lot of people to have believed that it does exist, as they end up thinking they've missed something.  

 

I also think that having a dream/passion is an exception and not the rule.  

 

My FIL believes that all Christians have only one thing they can really call 'purpose', and that's the great commission.  If I were going to believe anything, it would be something along those lines, or along the lines of other PPs who talk about living taking care of others, helping others, being kind to others, and taking good care of our planet, etc, over the idea of every person in life having a defined purpose from the time they are born.   :)

 

 

 

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[Liz CA]

 

re the first bolded - that's the kind of talk (no offense to you at all, please understand) that I believe is causing the problem that some have mentioned - while I don't think I'm missing out on anything by not feeling a strong purpose/passion/calling/etc, there are many who do.  And at one time when I was first realizing it, I thought so as well - that there must be something wrong or lacking if I didn't have something that I considered my purpose.  I'm sorry to say that I don't see how a question like that, posed to any group of people, could be encouraging or helpful at all.  No one knows exactly why they were born, only that they were.  I don't mean to sound fatalistic at all - but yeah.  

As for the second bolded part - meh.  I understand what you are saying but this area of my life just is what it is.  I'm not diminishing it, but I'm not glorifying it, either.  I also don't necessarily think that a 'purpose' will necessarily present itself at any point in my life.  I just don't think that kind of thing is necessary.

 

 

I am seeing it as a difference in definition. I raised kids and while I was happy to do so I cannot say I felt each and every day we all excelled and pursued "passion." There is a lot of good found in ordinary days - but not always some kind of passion. I am wondering if you got the message somewhere along the lines that you need passion to have lived a life?

I found that in different stages of life I enjoyed different things. It is not necessarily one single passion dictating the course of life.

[creekland]

I had to think about goals.  I don't have any long term goals.  Life is way too variable for that IMO, and one could be pretty darn disappointed if their goals didn't happen.

 

I have short term goals, and I'm ok if those don't happen or need to be modified due to conditions, etc.  One of these is starting to train a 2 year old pony we have this fall.  Another is cleaning out our storage room office this fall.

 

I have a bucket list - mostly travel - and when time & money free up we "pick" somewhere to go.  When we have reasons to not pick out of our bucket list (traveling places we've already been instead), that's ok too.  We don't feel "shorted."

 

Honestly, I'm pretty content with that.  I will start looking for something else to do with my life (volunteering, a different part time job, perhaps helping hubby with his job, perhaps puttering) sometime after Labor Day as I'll get bored if I don't, but I don't feel like my life hinges on anything there - and that's ok.  I don't feel God is upset with my life.  I think He's ok with whatever I choose (presuming it's not something blatantly sinful).  I also don't think there's anything wrong with choosing something I like.  Hubby has, I did previously, and I certainly encourage my boys to do so.

[PeacefulChaos]

I am seeing it as a difference in definition. I raised kids and while I was happy to do so I cannot say I felt each and every day we all excelled and pursued "passion." There is a lot of good found in ordinary days - but not always some kind of passion. I am wondering if you got the message somewhere along the lines that you need passion to have lived a life?

I found that in different stages of life I enjoyed different things. It is not necessarily one single passion dictating the course of life.

I'm not sure where this idea came in based on what you quoted - sorry. I'm not trying to be dense lol (though I am in a bit of a fog yet this morning!) but I am confused.

[Carol in Cal.]

Rather than a purpose-driven life, I see Christians as having vocations or callings.  Here are the best writings I know of on the subject:

 

http://www.modernreformation.org/default.php?page=articledisplay&var2=881

 

http://www.cfwwalther.com/myers/walther1.htm

[Liz CA]

I'm not sure where this idea came in based on what you quoted - sorry. I'm not trying to be dense lol (though I am in a bit of a fog yet this morning!) but I am confused.

 

Sorry, I tried to refer to one section of a long multi-quote up thread where you responded to several people. I think you responded to the part where I shared what a Jewish rabbi once told me and the part where I said I see life in seasons / stages.

[Liz CA]

lol, this would not help me. 

 

"Random chance" is never super motivating!

 

Idk. It's enough to find yourself alive, try your best, and attempt to be a decent person. Really. 

 

If I was born to cure cancer, I'd be curing cancer, kwim ? 

 

I think the Jews would argue with you about "random chance." :)  And this may well be where the crux of the issue lies.

 

[Katy]

Being a great mom (and you clearly are) IS a purpose.

 

As for existential crisis type issues, or finding an identity as a woman of mothering age, I think its normal.  You sort of lose your identity or sense of self with kids, and I think that's normal because to do the job right, you sort of have to.

 

I remember in the last season of the Oprah show, there was a guy on who does seminars and writes books about this topic. I'm blanking on his name at the moment.  He said to find your passions when you've lost them, think about what you loved as a kid, even if it's no longer practical.  For example, if you loved ice skating, but skating is no longer practical because of a knee injury or whatever, think about how skating made you feel.  What did you love? What did you dream about? How did it make you feel or how did you think it would make you feel? What else could you do that would give you the same feelings?

 

And finally, what makes you come alive?  What problems would you like to solve in the world?

[Liz CA]

 

And finally, what makes you come alive?  What problems would you like to solve in the world?

 

This is another good angle from which to view this.

[PeacefulChaos]

I am seeing it as a difference in definition. I raised kids and while I was happy to do so I cannot say I felt each and every day we all excelled and pursued "passion." There is a lot of good found in ordinary days - but not always some kind of passion. I am wondering if you got the message somewhere along the lines that you need passion to have lived a life?

I found that in different stages of life I enjoyed different things. It is not necessarily one single passion dictating the course of life.

I'm saying that I don't think that what the Rabbi says is helpful because it doesn't exist.  There is no such thing as a 'reason for being born' for most people - they were born because they were.  

And the talk that goes around in some circles about purpose and passion being important are useless for that reason.  Whether or not a purpose or passion is momentary or a lifelong thing, either way, it's the exception, not the rule.  

I think it would be unusual to live in the U.S. today as a millennial and not have heard about purpose and passion.  I hear it a lot being told as fact, that all people have a purpose and that they will find fulfillment if they discover what it is.  

I found fulfillment by discovering that this teaching is wrong.  :lol:  Does that make sense?  But *I* am just one of many millennials, and I see a lot of struggle from others who don't see a calling, passion, or purpose (again, length of time doesn't matter) in their lives and think that they are living a life unfulfilled because of that.  

I also think that enjoyment of things is something everyone can agree on - it's the emphasis of popular media and 'inspirational speakers' (religious or not) though, that isn't on doing things we merely enjoy but doing things we feel passionate about.  In the Christian sphere that includes 'God's calling' or 'God's will for your life' or similar religious verbage.  

 

I started this thread not because I'm struggling with a lack of these things but because I have a problem with the idea as a whole and how it's been packaged to young people - people in my generation - as a fact, when it isn't.  I just like to hear thoughts of others on it because I think it's an interesting discussion topic.  :)

 

Rather than a purpose-driven life, I see Christians as having vocations or callings.  Here are the best writings I know of on the subject:

 

http://www.modernreformation.org/default.php?page=articledisplay&var2=881

 

http://www.cfwwalther.com/myers/walther1.htm

In the second link there is talk of 'earthly calling', but I didn't see what the 'earthly calling' was.  What is it referring to?

 

Being a great mom (and you clearly are) IS a purpose.

 

As for existential crisis type issues, or finding an identity as a woman of mothering age, I think its normal.  You sort of lose your identity or sense of self with kids, and I think that's normal because to do the job right, you sort of have to.

 

I remember in the last season of the Oprah show, there was a guy on who does seminars and writes books about this topic. I'm blanking on his name at the moment.  He said to find your passions when you've lost them, think about what you loved as a kid, even if it's no longer practical.  For example, if you loved ice skating, but skating is no longer practical because of a knee injury or whatever, think about how skating made you feel.  What did you love? What did you dream about? How did it make you feel or how did you think it would make you feel? What else could you do that would give you the same feelings?

 

And finally, what makes you come alive?  What problems would you like to solve in the world?

 

I don't have to be having an existential crisis or have lost my identity as a person in order to be a good mom.  I'm not saying you are saying that, either, but the mom thing... that rubs me the wrong way, not from you, but from the culture as a whole.  

It's become 'expected' of women to 'lose themselves' in motherhood.  Being a mom has been placed on a pedestal as one of the greatest accomplishments a woman can ever have in her life.  I don't agree with that at all.  I think that some women will feel a calling, a purpose, in their roles as mothers.  But I don't think that it makes one any less of a good mother to not feel that.  

I think that society as a whole places high value on a woman who has completely lost her identity in her children, and I think that is dangerous.  I can see how it is possible when there are multiple young children, but I look, for example, at my grandmother - she didn't have any friends outside of home until I had gone to college.  She had a few ladies that she worked with and talked to and enjoyed time with a few hours a day at work, but nothing else.  I'm not saying that was bad for her - my guess is that she just had a different view of life than I do.  And that's ok.  

I don't know if this type of thinking is as prevalent outside Christian culture, but I know that around here it is rampant.  A mom is supposed to see her children as her life's work, her calling, her purpose.  She's supposed to feel like she should be applauded by others for doing so.  It's this type of thinking that I find incredibly flawed and damaging to women as a whole.  If a woman does feel that way, good for her; if she doesn't, good for her.

I'm one who doesn't.  :)  It's okay if some don't understand that and assume that I must be floundering, must be looking, searching, for something, must be having an early mid-life crisis lol.  :lol:  

 

But my hope is that in the future, society doesn't automatically assume that a woman has to 'lose' herself to motherhood and re-'find' herself later on.  My hope is that in the future women will be looked upon with the same thoughts as men, who aren't expected to lose themselves to fatherhood... but that's a whole other topic. ;)

 

 

As for what makes one come alive, is it necessary to have such things defined?  Who knows what makes one come alive?  Lots of things can be enjoyed but not be called a purpose or a passion in life.  

[Guest]

I don't know what Christian spheres you are in, but I did notice you missed the meaning entirely of my post above and I'm wondering if that is where the disconnect is. Not that raising children or whatever IS your life's purpose, but that one can and does have a vocation in life that might be small and insignificant and ugly and even painful for a time - and that's *okay*. It doesn't mean you're failing at life when it doesn't match your personal definition of awesome.

 

A vocation doesn't mean the end sum of your experience or usefulness, or a single calling - it speaks to a greater holistic act behind whatever thing you may currently be doing. You may be hearing it as a vocation equalling a single or best role, but it's more a mindset than any one action - of being content in all things and doing the best at wherever God has you at the moment. That God still has purpose in our lives and that we can still serve him even when doing a job we hate or having no hobbies or being stuck in poverty or even sick and dying. These things aren't useless because they don't fulfil the world's definitions of passion and purpose.

 

Put another way, wherever you are, that's where you are meant to be at that moment. Do it to the best of your ability, work toward your goals, seek to change the intolerable if you can and accept what you can't. Don't get caught up in having everything perfect and passionate and intense all the time - that road leads to discontent.

 

It's the polar opposite of the gross purpose driven life, your best life now, health/wealth/prosperity gospel. If I could point to anything I wish the rest of my generation, as a whole, understood? It would be that life isn't all about their personal desires and needs and fulfilling them above all else. I thing that sort of mindset is a destroyer of joy, to be honest.

 

For the time being I am a wife and mom as primary - this is my vocation, the place God has me. I'm going to do my very best. When his phase is over I'll move onto something else and do my best there, too. Neither situation may be perfect or what I dreamed of wanted for myself when I was young, but it doesn't *have* to be for it to be a good and worthy pursuit, as small and mundane as it is.

 

Make sense? If it doesn't then I'm clearly not understanding what you are getting at in the original post, so my apologies if that is the case. I firmly reject the passion/purpose nonsense as the world tends to get at it - but I do believe from scripture that God knows and directs the paths of every one of his creations and rarely for the big and the mighty and flashy, but it serves a purpose and blesses us nonetheless. Contentedness in every circumstance is what Jesus sought, what Paul reinforced, and what all the early church focused on in the midst of horrible persecution. Those are where the lesson derives from and I think there is much wisdom in that even in our cushy, lovely, safe lives we have in this country today.

 

ETA - oh man, I keep correcting them but forgive a million typos. My fingers aren't working today apparently :o

Edited September 1, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Katy]

I don't have to be having an existential crisis or have lost my identity as a person in order to be a good mom.  I'm not saying you are saying that, either, but the mom thing... that rubs me the wrong way, not from you, but from the culture as a whole.  

It's become 'expected' of women to 'lose themselves' in motherhood.  Being a mom has been placed on a pedestal as one of the greatest accomplishments a woman can ever have in her life.  I don't agree with that at all.  I think that some women will feel a calling, a purpose, in their roles as mothers.  But I don't think that it makes one any less of a good mother to not feel that.  

I think that society as a whole places high value on a woman who has completely lost her identity in her children, and I think that is dangerous.  I can see how it is possible when there are multiple young children, but I look, for example, at my grandmother - she didn't have any friends outside of home until I had gone to college.  She had a few ladies that she worked with and talked to and enjoyed time with a few hours a day at work, but nothing else.  I'm not saying that was bad for her - my guess is that she just had a different view of life than I do.  And that's ok.  

I don't know if this type of thinking is as prevalent outside Christian culture, but I know that around here it is rampant.  A mom is supposed to see her children as her life's work, her calling, her purpose.  She's supposed to feel like she should be applauded by others for doing so.  It's this type of thinking that I find incredibly flawed and damaging to women as a whole.  If a woman does feel that way, good for her; if she doesn't, good for her.

I'm one who doesn't.   :)  It's okay if some don't understand that and assume that I must be floundering, must be looking, searching, for something, must be having an early mid-life crisis lol.   :lol:

 

But my hope is that in the future, society doesn't automatically assume that a woman has to 'lose' herself to motherhood and re-'find' herself later on.  My hope is that in the future women will be looked upon with the same thoughts as men, who aren't expected to lose themselves to fatherhood... but that's a whole other topic. ;)

 

 

As for what makes one come alive, is it necessary to have such things defined?  Who knows what makes one come alive?  Lots of things can be enjoyed but not be called a purpose or a passion in life.  

 

I don't think it's expected or healthy to lose yourself in motherhood.  But I do think it's typical.  There's a difference between normal and ideal, and this is one of those things that falls in that area.  I don't think it's good to criticize women who do lose their sense of identity in motherhood either.  Because it's normal.

 

I'm certain you're a great mother because I've seen the nuance you've put into your posts.  You're clearly very intelligent and you care about parenting.

 

I don't think you believe children are supposed to be your life's calling, because if you believed that you wouldn't have posted this topic on the chat board of a homeschooling forum.  You posted this topic because you are at the very least, interested in it.

 

If you want to find a passion, looking at what makes you feel alive is a good place to start.  As is solving the problems you most care about.

[PeacefulChaos]

I don't know what Christian spheres you are in, but I did notice you missed the meaning entirely of my post above and I'm wondering if that is where the disconnect is. Not that raising children or whatever IS your life's purpose, but that one can and does have a vocation in life that might be small and insignificant and ugly and even painful for a time - and that's *okay*. It doesn't mean you're failing at life when it doesn't match your personal definition of awesome. (1)

 

A vocation doesn't mean the end sum of your experience or usefulness, or a single calling - it speaks to a greater holistic act behind whatever thing you may currently be doing. You may be hearing it as a vocation equalling a single or best role, but it's more a mindset than any one action - of being content in all things and doing the best at wherever God has you at the moment. That God still has purpose in our lives and that we can still serve him even when doing a job we hate or having no hobbies or being stuck in poverty or even sick and dying. These things aren't useless because they don't fulfil the world's definitions of passion and purpose. (2)

 

Put another way, wherever you are, that's where you are meant to be at that moment. Do it to the best of your ability, work toward your goals, seek to change the intolerable if you can and accept what you can't. Don't get caught up in having everything perfect and passionate and intense all the time - that road leads to discontent. (3)

 

It's the polar opposite of the gross purpose driven life, your best life now, health/wealth/prosperity gospel. If I could point to anything I wish the rest of my generation, as a whole, understood? It would be that life isn't all about their personal desires and needs and fulfilling them above all else. I thing that sort of mindset is a destroyer of joy, to be honest. (4)

 

 

For the time being I am a wife and mom as primary - this is my vocation, the place God has me. I'm going to do my very best. When his phase is over I'll move onto something else and do my best there, too. Neither situation may be perfect or what I dreamed of wanted for myself when I was young, but it doesn't *have* to be for it to be a good and worthy pursuit, as small and mundane as it is.

 

Make sense? If it doesn't then I'm clearly not understanding what you are getting at in the original post, so my apologies if that is the case. I firmly reject the passion/purpose nonsense as the world tends to get at it - but I do believe from scripture that God knows and directs the paths of every one of his creations and rarely for the big and the mighty and flashy, but it serves a purpose and blesses us nonetheless. Contentedness in every circumstance is what Jesus sought, what Paul reinforced, and what all the early church focused on in the midst of horrible persecution. Those are where the lesson derives from and I think there is much wisdom in that even in our cushy, lovely, safe lives we have in this country today. (5)

 

ETA - oh man, I keep correcting them but forgive a million typos. My fingers aren't working today apparently :o

I don't think we are saying different things really.

This is weird, but I'm replying on my phone so I'm going to read a paragraph at a time and reply if necessary lol. :D

1: your first paragraph confuses me because I didn't ever think you said having children was my purpose. I also don't disagree on anything you said there about vocations and thought I had said the same thing earlier. ?

2. Again I don't know how this applies to what I've been saying lol... I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be dense. A vocation is a job. We should do whatever job we have well. I believe in being content where you are. All things i thought I have already been saying... I don't think we have a purpose in life, as Christians, beyond loving God and loving people. How we do 'life' on a daily basis is just living life. I guess we could call that 'living out our purpose' but I think that's silly. We are just living our lives the best we can, loving people. Period.

3. I agree. Perhaps I'm misreading tone because I keep replying because I feel like you are making assumptions that I am these things - discontent and whatnot. In which case, I may be 100% wrong and you aren't trying to debate or disagree with me, but are just stating what you believe. If that's the case I do sincerely apologize. :)

4. I could not agree more. It's my reason for starting this thread, to talk about this very thing.

5. I don't disagree, though I can't say I'm on board with 'God directing' people. I think in general people do what they do and as long as it isn't living outside the moral will of God (aka directly defying the love God, love people aspect, like choosing to become a murderer or something lol), God doesn't have a specific opinion of it. It just is what it is.

 

For example:

I don't live where I live because God specifically put me here (or, if we want to use the 'purpose' jargon, because I have any sort of purpose here); I live here because it is where we moved. The house we have is because it is what we found; the husband I have is because we met and decided to marry. I could just as easily have married someone else instead of him - God didn't put us together.

All of that said, I still:

Think it would be pointless and miserable to do anything but be content where I am. I don't look at other houses and wish I had them; I don't spend my days thinking about things that aren't because I believe we should be enjoying life as it is.

My point in the OP and thereafter has only been to discuss these things, not because they are things I'm looking for but because I see popular teaching and thinking making these things out to be important when they're not.

 

In essence, I think you and I are saying very much the same thing. There are minor differences about the role of God in our current situations, but I don't think we disagree at all. :)

[wintermom]

Goals are different than having a calling/purpose. I try to set goals that are in service of my calling (such as finishing my 2nd bachelor's, getting accepted to and finishing grad school, passing the certification exam, etc.) but not all goals fall into that category. People have goals to run a marathon or lose 30 lbs. or whatever but those aren't a "calling".

 

 

You are talking about a vocation, which is different than a "dream." I don't see the OP mentioning a vocation, though lots of other posts do. I tried to keep on topic with the OP.

[Guest]

We were totally reading past one another - whoops!

 

I was stating my belief generally on the topic, not saying you thought these things, but that I disagree with the general nonsense of the culture on this. We do believe differently on the purpose of God in his creation and theology matters a ton on this subject, but at this level and without a deeper discussion on who God is and why he made man, we are not substantively disagreeing.

 

iPhone existential discussions apparently stink :D

Edited September 1, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[regentrude]

I think one source of confusion and misunderstandings comes from the different ways in which people use the term "purpose".

I do not believe that some higher power has preordained what my purpose on Earth is supposed to be. I am not predestined to fill one particular role that I have to discover.

I do feel, however, the need to give my live a purpose by applying my abilities and talents towards some goal, instead of just drifting along existing.

When I talk about "purpose", I am referring to the second meaning.

This purpose is something I can create myself; I do not have to wait until I randomly discover what some external entity had planned out for me.

 

 

[Jaybee]

Maybe a little of a side trail: I have had a pretty exciting and interesting life so far--one to dream of, actually. But we have been transitioning, and I have felt a little bit anchor-less. I'm not--I have a strong foundation spiritually, etc. But I've just felt a little lost and floaty. I have loved being a housewife and mom, but the mom part changes over the years, and I've felt like maybe I need to be figuring out a job or something for when the last two fly the nest. But I don't really want to. And on and on. A couple of weeks ago, I volunteered to stay in the church nursery for the first time in a long time (due to former living situation). I sat in a rocker almost the whole time, calming an upset baby and rocking him to sleep. Then I just sat there, holding his warm little body and looking at his beautiful little face and cute pudgy hands, and I was so deeply, peacefully happy. And I thought, "This. This is what I was made for." The End. :)