Need advice from veteran homeschooler regarding social issue

[Wanderlust]

I need advice navigating the minefield of social issues with my first born.

 

My daughter is turning 9 at the end of the month. In the last few years, she has gravitated toward one-on-one play. If it is a large group (homeschool park day), she will generally play on the fringe or follow the group around but not participate too much. If she can find a particular friend and break away from the group, she will. Her tutor says this is all developmentally appropriate. Is it?

 

This has become an issue in the last month or so. Parents of kids that she plays with one-on-one are telling me their kids are feeling excluded because she is not playing with them in a group setting. They feel excluded if she connects with another child. She has never verbally excluded anyone, I just doesn't talk too much to the friend that is not right in front of her. When one parent mentioned this to me, I didn't think much of it. Now another parent has said something to me as well. 

 

I tend to have a more hands-off approach and will intervene if my daughter asks (which rarely happens). Other parents in our homeschool group are much more intervention-oriented. I have talked to my daughter about making sure all kids feel included at park day but I still find her off with one friend at some point. 

 

Any advice from someone that has been there and done that? Her tutor suggested taking a break from park days and just focusing on one-on-one play dates. I have her 3 younger siblings to consider as well. Any advice would be much appreciated. This is all new to me. 

 

Thanks!

Shannon

 

 

 

[ktgrok]

You may need to be way more specific. Instead of just saying "careful no one feels left out" say "when you walk away from the group with one person, and play one on one, it makes the rest of the kids feel like you are excluding them. When we are at a group event you need to stay with the group, and include everyone."

[Wanderlust]

Thank you Katie and Sadie! I think you are right Katie, in that I need to be more specific.

 

I would love to take a break from the group play Sadie, but she asks for it. I think I left that part out. It doesn't stress her out, just me! But, even if she is asking to go, it doesn't mean it is the best thing for her. Thanks for the tips!

 

Shannon

[fraidycat]

My DD is 13. She's never been big on "group play". She will play group games with the larger group sometimes and always enjoys it, but her preference is still, probably always, one-on-one. It's not a character flaw to feel out-of-element or uncomfortable in groups. Many times she'd just come sit at the parent tables if she wasn't into the group activity at park days.

 

Unless it's a group of 3 and only 1 is being excluded (at which point I'd step in), I'd tell the other moms to tell their kids to suck it up. If there are 2 or more "leftovers" to form their own group/game to play and are choosing instead to complain and try to control your DD, that's their problem. Better to learn early that you have zero control over another person's choices and preferences.

Edited June 15, 2016 by fraidycat

[poppy]

My DD is 13. She's never been big on "group play". She will play group games with the larger group sometimes and always enjoys it, but her preference is still, probably always, one-on-one. It's not a character flaw to feel out-of-element or uncomfortable in groups. Many times she'd just come sit at the parent tables if she wasn't into the group activity at park days.

 

Unless it's a group of 3 and only 1 is being excluded (at which point I'd step in), I'd tell the other moms to tell their kids to suck it up. If there are 2 or more "leftovers" to form their own group/game to play and are choosing instead to complain and control your DD, that's their problem. Better to learn early that you have zero control over another person's choices and preferences.

If it was one parent complaining - yes - but when it's two different kids I would start to intervene (not in front of peers). Maybe some role playing outside of the group context? Sounds like she gets tunnel vision and unintentionally ignores friends if they aren't in her 'tunnel' at the moment.

[fraidycat]

If it was one parent complaining - yes - but when it's two different kids I would start to intervene (not in front of peers). Maybe some role playing outside of the group context? Sounds like she gets tunnel vision and unintentionally ignores friends if they aren't in her 'tunnel' at the moment.

Who's to say the other parents haven't "discussed" this and came up with a "plan" to confront the OP about her DD. It's not on the DD to follow everyone else's idea of how park "must be".

 

Again, unless the excluded = 1, the rest are free to go play together all they want. Anything more is trying to exert control on another person. Those parents need to be taken to task for *that*.

 

And I'm on that side of the equation as well. My DS is the "rounder-upper" and tries to insist that everyone join the game. I have to frequently remind him that the other kids are free to make their own choice to join or not. He doesn't get to control them.

Edited June 15, 2016 by fraidycat

[Arcadia]

If she choose the same child every park day, people just assume they are best friends status. If she choose a random child every park day, it can come across like what kids have in schools where they do star of the week (each student take turns being the star" for a week of the school year) in lower elementary.

 

There were girl cliques being formed early in school and clubs so maybe the kids or other parents are just more sensitive. Boy cliques happen too, just not as early.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm going to disagree just a little bit.  It is developmentally appropriate (esp. depending on personality) to prefer one-on-one play.  I think that 9 is old enough to be able to navigate some group play when it is more socially appropriate.  If she can't interact with a group then I would think that there might be some concerns.  Those concerns might be alleviated with some direction in group dynamics or it might need more intervention. 

[Janeway]

It is way healthier, socially, to be able to sustain one-on-one contact and relations than to only have large group situations.

 

What I would do is say when at the group activity, participate in the group thing, but then do things at other times, like invite the other child over or meet them someplace, if she wants one-on-one.

[JumpyTheFrog]

It sounds like she might be an introvert and prefer to do things one-on-one versus in groups.

Edited June 15, 2016 by HoppyTheToad

[Janeway]

I never do park days. I have driven by and the group was huge. I have heard from other parents that they get wild too. I actually tried to go one time, and there was no adult supervision basically. The moms all took to picnic tables and did not glance at the kids at all. One child got seriously hurt one time. I would rather have a small group setting. 

[fraidycat]

You may need to be way more specific. Instead of just saying "careful no one feels left out" say "when you walk away from the group with one person, and play one on one, it makes the rest of the kids feel like you are excluding them. When we are at a group event you need to stay with the group, and include everyone."

I'm going to disagree. Park day =/= group "event". Park day is relaxation and socializing. As an adult, I socialize and Relax with those I feel comfortable with and have something in common with. Why would I expect my kids to do "more"?

 

Event is field trip, co-op, class, planned activity. At these you stay with the group and participate with the group to the best of your ability.

Edited June 15, 2016 by fraidycat

[Tita Gidge]

I started to hate park days for this kind of thing.

 

My oldest homeschooler is very extroverted. He'll gather a group and facilitate some game and he's great with a crowd BUT ... he tends to forget about the shy kids on the sidelines who are either intimidated by or flat out turned off by his forwardness. Sometimes parents feel he's leaving people out, and I can see where they think so. But he's a "hey, I put it out there, come if you want" kind of person. He's not going to roll out a carpet for everyone in the park group.

 

My youngest homeschooler is super sensitive. She's been that kid on the outskirts who can't find a way in, or is intimidated by a crowd so she makes a direct effort to reach out to everyone at the park. Sometimes parents feel like she's causing problems by creating a dynamic among kids who would otherwise avoid each other. They wish she'd let groups form organically rather than round up everyone. I can see where they think so because it means an inevitable clash between kids who don't get along. She's not going to leave anyone out, though, and the kids always respond to her invitation for a group game.

 

So neither of my kids can win; some parent is always unhappy. And I'm pretty hands off unless someone is blatantly being hurtful. If my kids feel excluded I tell them to move on (and we discuss at length at home but I don't bring it up with another parent. I coach my kid on how to navigate life with people who don't like you back - or at all - and help them through the process. I assure them it will happen all through their lives, long after I'm around to step in.)

 

But both of these kids have had to be coached on how to see/understand where the parents are coming from. I'm very much a "you don't have to change what you do" mom but I do feel a responsibility to make them aware of how their actions are perceived. Especially when it's been brought to my attention by a parent or kid. Then we discern whether it's an overprotective parent or if the parent has valid concerns that the child can address. It's a great opportunity to teach my kids self-awareness, how to identify (and accept) constructive criticism, and how to discern (and respectfully address) non-constructive criticism. These are things that will happen all through their lives, too.

 

It helps that we have a big family and the kids are familiar with a variety of personality types. It makes them more aware to have a related face to put to the same personality a park day parent or kid has. They "get" it on a different level and seem to want to be more pro-active in their role in the situation. Because everyone is someone's ________ (little sister, crazy auntie, overprotective granny, crybaby sister, shy cousin, whiny nephew, etc) and we aim to treat them the way we want others to treat our ________ (little sister, crazy auntie, overprotective granny, crybaby sister, shy cousin, whiny nephew, etc)!

[Tita Gidge]

Sorry, went off on a tangent there!  I'd say there's room here to do a few things:

 

Bring your daughter aware of how her actions are perceived - by multiple families.

Walk her through what she can do to change those perceptions.

Decide if she cares enough to do so.

If so, mentor her through those steps. What can she do without losing her own sense of self?

If not, reduce park days by half and plan more one-on-one play dates. (This is what we did, to balance needs of siblings.)

 

The son I mentioned in my post above is almost done with high school. He's been homeschooled since he was six. He has managed to find a good middle ground where he's still who he is .. but he's sensitive to the feelings of others and to how his actions are perceived. He used to be the king of "I didn't do it on purpose!" and "That's not what I meant!" so this is significant progress LOL. I never forced him to include others, I only required that he hear me out on explaining their perception of him. It was up to him if he cared (or not) about how he was being perceived. And it varied from person to person and situation to situation - sometimes it meant a lot, sometimes it meant zero.

 

I also had to have some uncomfortable conversations with parents that I wasn't going to make my kid play with everyone else there. If there was obvious exclusion going on, I'd address it ... but kids pairing up and getting feelings hurt because your DD has other friends? That's hard. That's life. Your DD should exercise sensitivity but in fairness to her she may do what she does because different groups of kids make her feel pulled between them when everyone's playing together. Her needs are no less important because she's figured out how to handle it (one-on-one play). You may need to say as much to the other parents, they may not realize it either!

 

I generally assume good intent for all parents involved and try to address it from that POV. Sounds like you're doing the same. :grouphug:

[Reefgazer]

I am a hands-off parent, as well.  I don't know if it's developmentally appropriate to do this or not, but this was me as a child (even as an adult, honestly).  If this is who your kid is and she is happy and well-adjusted, I wouldn't worry about it; I wouldn't push her to be a different kid than what she is.

I need advice navigating the minefield of social issues with my first born.

 

My daughter is turning 9 at the end of the month. In the last few years, she has gravitated toward one-on-one play. If it is a large group (homeschool park day), she will generally play on the fringe or follow the group around but not participate too much. If she can find a particular friend and break away from the group, she will. Her tutor says this is all developmentally appropriate. Is it?

 

This has become an issue in the last month or so. Parents of kids that she plays with one-on-one are telling me their kids are feeling excluded because she is not playing with them in a group setting. They feel excluded if she connects with another child. She has never verbally excluded anyone, I just doesn't talk too much to the friend that is not right in front of her. When one parent mentioned this to me, I didn't think much of it. Now another parent has said something to me as well. 

 

I tend to have a more hands-off approach and will intervene if my daughter asks (which rarely happens). Other parents in our homeschool group are much more intervention-oriented. I have talked to my daughter about making sure all kids feel included at park day but I still find her off with one friend at some point. 

 

Any advice from someone that has been there and done that? Her tutor suggested taking a break from park days and just focusing on one-on-one play dates. I have her 3 younger siblings to consider as well. Any advice would be much appreciated. This is all new to me. 

 

Thanks!

Shannon

 

[Guest]

It sounds like she might be an introvert and prefer to do things one-on-one versus in groups.

I know I'm this way as an adult, even being fairly adept at group settings.

 

I have a kid who is a rounder upper and another who has friend tunnel vision. Oh the personality conflicts!

 

Micromanaging those interactions is beyond my mental energy. I leave it here: remind my tunnel vision kid to try and switch up who they get to know and not always gravitate toward their favorite, and my rounder upper kid that she doesn't get to coerce or pester people to join in who don't want to. Inviting them is nice, but if they decline you nicely go on your way.

Edited June 15, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[reign]

I think the big deal would be how exactly she is engineering the one on one time. I can think of plenty of nice and mean ways I have seen children do that over the years. So I don't think the one on one playing is wrong but how she goes about it could be a problem.

[katilac]

  Parents of kids that she plays with one-on-one are telling me their kids are feeling excluded because she is not playing with them in a group setting. 

 

I don't quite understand this sentence; the kids she play with one-on-one are the ones who feel excluded?  

 

Do they mean that they feel excluded at times because your dd runs hot and cold with them, playing with them one week and not the next? Or do they possibly mean that your dd is being a bit insistent on breaking away from the group, and they're feeling excluded from the group? 

 

The latter was actually my first impression, but now I'm not sure. Do you know which one it is? I know that I had to do some coaching when a certain child kept wanting to pull my dd off to the side - dd wanted to be polite to her, but didn't like being pulled away from the group. Is it possible the moms mentioned it because their kids aren't sure how to politely decline leaving the group for one-on-one play? 

 

I would try to clarify the exact problem. Of course your dd can choose to play however she likes, but it's natural that feelings will be hurt if she concentrates on a kid one week and then forgets about them the next, and it's natural that kids will get a bit annoyed if she's being pushy about playing one-on-one. 

 

I wouldn't quit going, this is just a normal roadblock to work through. 

[fraidycat]

I think the big deal would be how exactly she is engineering the one on one time. I can think of plenty of nice and mean ways I have seen children do that over the years. So I don't think the one on one playing is wrong but how she goes about it could be a problem.

This is true. Definitely address it if she's doing it in mean-girl fashion.

[Bluegoat]

I think it's normal - I like small groups and one on one better than larger groups.

 

However, depending on the nature of the event, it can be inappropriate to just go off and leave the group with a few people.  It sounds like the other parents are thinking about it that way.I would tend to associate that kind of thing with fairly organized group games.

 

It might be though that group park days aren't really her thing, and she'd rather do something like playdates.

[JFSinIL]

If it is a group park playtime with fellow homeschoolers, then it should be group play.  There should be some sort of group game or sport for all to enjoy.  That is why the other kids are there.  But let her invite one or two kids to a playdate at another time. 

 

If all the other parents are coming for a group playdate, but just turning the kids loose on the playground, then yes some smaller groups or duos may pair off.  If the parents want ALL the kids playing together, then they need to provide a bit more structure.  Kids are not magically going to form teams and play baseball like the Little Rascals unless they know that is what is on the agenda, for example. 

[Bluegoat]

If it is a group park playtime with fellow homeschoolers, then it should be group play.  There should be some sort of group game or sport for all to enjoy.  That is why the other kids are there.  But let her invite one or two kids to a playdate at another time. 

 

If all the other parents are coming for a group playdate, but just turning the kids loose on the playground, then yes some smaller groups or duos may pair off.  If the parents want ALL the kids playing together, then they need to provide a bit more structure.  Kids are not magically going to form teams and play baseball like the Little Rascals unless they know that is what is on the agenda, for example. 

 

Yes, this is my thought.  If they are leaving the kids to organize themselves, they may or may not get mostly group activities, it will depend on the mix of kids.

 

In general I think there are many good reasons to let the kids organize themselves.  However, as a homeschooling group, it might be that those kids get a lot of self-directed tme already, and some more structure would be ok.

[Library Momma]

My dd has a tight group of friends and there is one girl who is like this.  Her behavior often causes problems because the girl who is being pulled from the group loses her participation in the group dynamic, and the other girls resent that the group time is being compromised.  They have plenty of time for one on one interactions but when they get together as a group they want to take advantage of that fact.  This has resulted in the girl in question being excluded from other events and activities because the girls want to avoid this exact scenario.

 

I will add that my dd and her friends are 13/14 so this is not exactly about "playing" anymore.  They have been friends a long time and I think they kept waiting for this girl to grow out of the behavior.  She has not because it really is just her personality. it has been been hard to get them to see that and not take it personally when she behaves this way.

[TammyS]

I guess I just don't see the problem.  I would look at the other parents like they had two heads if they told me they are unhappy with a couple of kids wandering from the group.  Park time is not about, IMO, we are all now mandatorily part of a group.  If I wanted something like that, I'd send my kids to school.  They are at a park and are free to arrange themselves into whatever groups/sub groups they like.  I'm not going to control that.  For sure I'm not going to organize large group activities to make sure they all stay together (because again, there are places for that: school, sports, etc).  I don't get park time controlled by adults AT ALL.

 

Now if the girl is being mean, then address her meanness for what it is.  But it would be the meanness that is the problem, not the size group that she is interacting with.

[Rebel Yell]

I started to hate park days for this kind of thing.

 

My oldest homeschooler is very extroverted. He'll gather a group and facilitate some game and he's great with a crowd BUT ... he tends to forget about the shy kids on the sidelines who are either intimidated by or flat out turned off by his forwardness. Sometimes parents feel he's leaving people out, and I can see where they think so. But he's a "hey, I put it out there, come if you want" kind of person. He's not going to roll out a carpet for everyone in the park group.

 

My youngest homeschooler is super sensitive. She's been that kid on the outskirts who can't find a way in, or is intimidated by a crowd so she makes a direct effort to reach out to everyone at the park. Sometimes parents feel like she's causing problems by creating a dynamic among kids who would otherwise avoid each other. They wish she'd let groups form organically rather than round up everyone. I can see where they think so because it means an inevitable clash between kids who don't get along. She's not going to leave anyone out, though, and the kids always respond to her invitation for a group game.

 

So neither of my kids can win; some parent is always unhappy. And I'm pretty hands off unless someone is blatantly being hurtful. If my kids feel excluded I tell them to move on (and we discuss at length at home but I don't bring it up with another parent. I coach my kid on how to navigate life with people who don't like you back - or at all - and help them through the process. I assure them it will happen all through their lives, long after I'm around to step in.)

 

But both of these kids have had to be coached on how to see/understand where the parents are coming from. I'm very much a "you don't have to change what you do" mom but I do feel a responsibility to make them aware of how their actions are perceived. Especially when it's been brought to my attention by a parent or kid. Then we discern whether it's an overprotective parent or if the parent has valid concerns that the child can address. It's a great opportunity to teach my kids self-awareness, how to identify (and accept) constructive criticism, and how to discern (and respectfully address) non-constructive criticism. These are things that will happen all through their lives, too.

 

It helps that we have a big family and the kids are familiar with a variety of personality types. It makes them more aware to have a related face to put to the same personality a park day parent or kid has. They "get" it on a different level and seem to want to be more pro-active in their role in the situation. Because everyone is someone's ________ (little sister, crazy auntie, overprotective granny, crybaby sister, shy cousin, whiny nephew, etc) and we aim to treat them the way we want others to treat our ________ (little sister, crazy auntie, overprotective granny, crybaby sister, shy cousin, whiny nephew, etc)!

Could you please tour the world giving this speech to people? 😘

[Rebel Yell]

I'm going to disagree. Park day =/= group "event". Park day is relaxation and socializing. As an adult, I socialize and Relax with those I feel comfortable with and have something in common with. Why would I expect my kids to do "more"?

Event is field trip, co-op, class, planned activity. At these you stay with the group and participate with the group to the best of your ability.

I have always seen park days as "a bunch of home schoollers will be at a park at this day and time." So come or don't, swing, or slide, or walk, or rollerblade, or climb trees, or sit in the shade and read, or stomp in the creek, or chat with friends, or play kickball, or whatever you want... Same as if you were at a regular park on a regular day with regular people.

 

Unless the whole intent of the park day was for all children to be tethered together like some sort of playgroup chain gang. 🤔

[TammyS]

My dd has a tight group of friends and there is one girl who is like this.  Her behavior often causes problems because the girl who is being pulled from the group loses her participation in the group dynamic, and the other girls resent that the group time is being compromised.  They have plenty of time for one on one interactions but when they get together as a group they want to take advantage of that fact.  This has resulted in the girl in question being excluded from other events and activities because the girls want to avoid this exact scenario.

 

I will add that my dd and her friends are 13/14 so this is not exactly about "playing" anymore.  They have been friends a long time and I think they kept waiting for this girl to grow out of the behavior.  She has not because it really is just her personality. it has been been hard to get them to see that and not take it personally when she behaves this way.

 

Well, as I see it, the 13/14 year old who is being "pulled" from the group is making a choice to go with the girl doing the "pulling".  She may be missing out, but by her own choice.  If she doesn't want to leave the group, then she should use her words, or body language (as in physically not leaving the group).  I think it's a shame that the other parents haven't coached these girls on how to deal with someone who is trying to distract you from what you want to pay attention to.

Edited June 15, 2016 by TammyS

[Wheres Toto]

I might mention to her the perception and that some of the kids are uncomfortable, but otherwise I wouldn't get involved. 

 

Around here park days are pretty much a free-for-all.  The kids pair off, get together, the groups mingle and separate.  It's not structured and we don't even know how many will show up any given time.

 

I agree with finding out what specifically is the problem but other than telling her to be sensitive to the preference of the girls she's trying to draw away (do they feel excluded the next time, or do they not want to leave the group or ?), or if it's such a small group that going off leaves someone else excluded (doesn't sound like this is the issue) I wouldn't worry about it.  I may check and make sure that she's not being mean if someone comes along and wants to join her small group.

 

My almost 9 year old girl tends to find one or two kids to hang with in a free-for-all group situation.  My son tends to be a dictator but then end up doing his own thing (he's the kid who wanders around talking to himself quite happily).

 

[Library Momma]

Well, as I see it, the 13/14 year old who is being "pulled" from the group is making a choice to go with the girl doing the "pulling".  She may be missing out, but by her own choice.  If she doesn't want to leave the group, then she should use her words, or body language (as in physically not leaving the group).  I think it's a shame that the other parents haven't coached these girls on how to deal with someone who is trying to distract you from what you want to pay attention to.

 

 

They are better at it now but when they were 9ish it was hard.  It is diffcult when you are standing in a group and some one is fixated on only person.  This girl would physically grab a girl's hand and pull them with her saying "you're sitting with me" or "you're coming with me."  She would not speak with everyone but whisper to the one girl (who this was would change each time).  At this age I think the big word is mean. Girls don't want to be "mean"and ignore their friend so they are torn.

 

In my DD's girl scout troop the leader had to have groups rotate constantly because of this girl.  She couldn't even let girls choose where to sit during meetings.  It is difficult to do something similar during down time or play time.

[Lecka]

Okay, this is how I would respond. See if there is a problem with a girl.

 

If there is not, tell the other parent it is not a problem.

 

For the child feeling excluded, I might say for that child to invite a child to play one-on-one.

 

I would consider saying that child could go up to two kids and ask if she can play also.

 

But I tend to think the girls who think they are excluded, don't realize that they can choose to spend time with someone, too. They don't have to stay in the group if they don't want to.

 

If they want to stay in the group, that is fine too.

 

I think it is exclusion of a child is actually excluded. Feeling excluded can mean -- oh, you find someone else to play with. Being excluded is -- no one will play with you or talk to you, so you are left to play with younger children or something like that.

 

That is just my opinion, though.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Unless the whole intent of the park day was for all children to be tethered together like some sort of playgroup chain gang.

Ha! I think I will remember "playgroup chain gang" in case I ever have a similar problem and have to use that phrase.

[Bluegoat]

I guess I just don't see the problem.  I would look at the other parents like they had two heads if they told me they are unhappy with a couple of kids wandering from the group.  Park time is not about, IMO, we are all now mandatorily part of a group.  If I wanted something like that, I'd send my kids to school.  They are at a park and are free to arrange themselves into whatever groups/sub groups they like.  I'm not going to control that.  For sure I'm not going to organize large group activities to make sure they all stay together (because again, there are places for that: school, sports, etc).  I don't get park time controlled by adults AT ALL.

 

Now if the girl is being mean, then address her meanness for what it is.  But it would be the meanness that is the problem, not the size group that she is interacting with.

 

Not everyone might think that seding kids to school, or even organized sports, is the solution to wanting some organized or group activity time, though.  We've had different homeschool groups here who get together, usually fairly casually, to do that kind of activity.  It's much cheaper or free compared to organized sports, it is usually less pressure, more about fun.  Lots of homeschool kids get plenty of time for individual and smaller group activities, but their opportunities to have a pick-up baseball game might be really limited.

 

It may be that is the kind of thing the parents have in mind.

 

What I would say is that in those groups, there is usually some kind of organization, however light it might be - someone plans for some games to play each week, say. IME if no one has any responsibility to think of something - even if it is a kid - often it just won't happen at all.

[TammyS]

Not everyone might think that seding kids to school, or even organized sports, is the solution to wanting some organized or group activity time, though.  We've had different homeschool groups here who get together, usually fairly casually, to do that kind of activity.  It's much cheaper or free compared to organized sports, it is usually less pressure, more about fun.  Lots of homeschool kids get plenty of time for individual and smaller group activities, but their opportunities to have a pick-up baseball game might be really limited.

 

It may be that is the kind of thing the parents have in mind.

 

What I would say is that in those groups, there is usually some kind of organization, however light it might be - someone plans for some games to play each week, say. IME if no one has any responsibility to think of something - even if it is a kid - often it just won't happen at all.

 

That's all fine, but then it's not a park day.  It's an "Organized Event X" day.  We have "just for fun" sports among homeschoolers, too.  But we don't do it during park days. 

 

If no one plans something, and it just doesn't happen, I don't see that as a problem.  It's obviously not wanted enough, and that's ok.

[Bluegoat]

That's all fine, but then it's not a park day.  It's an "Organized Event X" day.  We have "just for fun" sports among homeschoolers, too.  But we don't do it during park days. 

 

If no one plans something, and it just doesn't happen, I don't see that as a problem.  It's obviously not wanted enough, and that's ok.

 

What I was thinking is that people don't always express what they are hoping to achieve all that clearly.  They may intend for the kids to be at the park, and do some group things, because they are in small groups all week.  So kids that are doing something dfferent aren't helping meet those goals.

 

So - I am wondering if the other moms and the OP are really in the same place as far as their vision of what a park day is about, it isn't like it's some kind of defined term.

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited November 30, 2016 by cathey

[MEmama]

Preferring to play with one other kid instead of a big group is not a social problem.