Perennials in other people's yards???

[Tita Gidge]

My hostas died. thrived.

 

I fixed it for you!

 

(Pretending I didn't see what you wrote LOL)

[cera2]

I see nothing wrong with asking for a start.  If you feel a little weird about it then just say something like "I love your ferns.  If you ever thin any out I would love to buy a start from you or trade you for something I have."  My experience is that 9 out of 10 gardeners will be flattered and just grab a trowel and dig up a piece on the spot but it gives her an easy out if she doesn't want to.

[barnwife]

First, like a pp, my hostas also died. 

Second, also like a different pp, I had no idea this would be considered rude. Especially among neighbors who wave at each other. That is something I am having trouble wrapping my mind around.

I mean, I wouldn't let "Can I have some of your XXX?" be the first thing out of my mouth. I'd probably stop and admire whatever while on a walk and the neighbor is outside. Then I'd do as others have said and say something to the effect of "if you ever divide them, I'd love to have a start."

Disclaimer: I wouldn't actually do this because everything I plant dies. So it's a moot point for me.

The things I learn here...

[Jean in Newcastle]

I do have 8 lovely hydrangeas..  I think I just have the soil/sun for hydrangeas but not for hostas. 

[MEmama]

Huh. I'm surprised to find out that anyone thinks it's acceptable to ask someone they don't know to dig up their plant and give them some just 'cause. If anyone did that to me not only would I be really baffled, but I'd probably stop gardening in my front yard for fear it might happen again.

 

That's some serious introversion for ya I guess. ;)

 

That said, it's not uncommon in my neighbourhood for people to put out pots on the sidewalk of whatever they divided with a "free" sign on them. Then it's not weird to take what you want, and of course thank them if they are outside. Sharing plants is always lovely, but straight up asking someone to dig up their garden for you is...not so much.

[marbel]

First, like a pp, my hostas also died. 

 

Second, also like a different pp, I had no idea this would be considered rude. Especially among neighbors who wave at each other. That is something I am having trouble wrapping my mind around.

 

I mean, I wouldn't let "Can I have some of your XXX?" be the first thing out of my mouth. I'd probably stop and admire whatever while on a walk and the neighbor is outside. Then I'd do as others have said and say something to the effect of "if you ever divide them, I'd love to have a start."

 

Disclaimer: I wouldn't actually do this because everything I plant dies. So it's a moot point for me.

 

The things I learn here...

 

That's different than what the OP said, though!   She said

 

 

 

If some had an ample perennial, would you stop & ask for a start?

 

I think your approach is fine.

 

[hornblower]

Huh. I'm surprised to find out that anyone thinks it's acceptable to ask someone they don't know to dig up their plant and give them some just 'cause. 

 

 

What do you do with your perennials when you divide? 

[MEmama]

What do you do with your perennials when you divide?

I have put a few things out, but mostly on the rare occasion I divide something it gets placed in another bed. My plants aren't that big though. Why?

[gardenmom5]

one thing I've seen done here - people will list extra plants on craigslist/free cycle.  a couple have been put plants out at the ends of their driveways.  some for free - some for small fees.  I have listed trees on free cycle. I have some I may list come fall just to thin them out.  I need to move/divide my acanthus, (it doesn't like where it is.  the middle of summer is too hot and dry for it.)  I don't think my dd wants any - but she is a classics major, and it is found frequently in classical art.

 

I understand about having a lot of a plant you don't really like.  I have a dusty maroon bearded iris (I think it's Indian Chief, introduced in 1927.) I dug them up on the vacant lot across the street from me 30 years ago.  (I assume they were planted by a squirrel.)  I don't like it, I think it's ugly, but it was free and I didn't have money to spend on plants.  it's been very hardy and prolific.   I gave some to  my dd - it's doing great in her yard too.  I'm going to rip them all out - and put them  on a mostly empty slope behind my house.  (my plan is to get it fully planted this fall. rhodies/groundcover/ferns/Oregon-grape/iris - etc.

 

I finally broke down recently and bought 3doz of the dark purple iris similar to that with which I grew up.  I've spread them around where I will regularly see them. I hope they do well.  I have thought about going to my childhood home and asking for some. (which I think is different from the stranger who frequently passes your house.  my mother bought the originals.)  I've also thought  about bringing  them a gift of photographs of the interior of the house while it was under construction (which I found in my possession.)

[hornblower]

I have put a few things out, but mostly on the rare occasion I divide something it gets placed in another bed. My plants aren't that big though. Why?

 

because I think that changes things. In big established gardens, perennials are huge.  My garden is *full*.  I have no  more room in my garden for any divisions.  

 

They literally go in the compost if I can't give them away ( because I don't have time to pot dozens and dozens of divisions) & if my compost is full (and it often is because I can't be bothered to make more compost bins) it goes in the municipal green bin compost.

 

I think it would be rare to ask someone to divide something that was small & modest & their garden isn't abundant - unless it's one abundant plant. 

 

 

OP stipulated it was an ample perennial.  It's not like someone asking for a limb. It's more akin to asking for your garbage. 

 

This is not a photo of my garden but it's sort of what my garden looks like. Except everything I have is much bigger & way overgrown because I've grown to be a lazy gardener in the last couple years. 

 

http://previews.123rf.com/images/elenathewise/elenathewise1209/elenathewise120900030/15391768-Lush-landscaped-garden-with-flowerbed-and-colorful-plants-Stock-Photo.jpg

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

HB - I vote that you plan a field trip down to my house to garden for a week or two straight. 

[hornblower]

I have a large hydrangea that hasn't bloomed since I moved it 3 years ago. I have hostas that reproduce like rabbits. I can't kill them, they're impossible to dig up, but I keep trying. I toss them into the woods behind our house, but even the deer won't eat them.

Our yard has about 2 inches of soil and then it's rock, so I'm lucky anything thrives. My favorites are hollyhocks, I'm hoping the black one I have will actually be very dark.

 

My hydrangea is quickly taking over its corner of the garden. This fall I'm going to cut back hard to try to regain some control. 

 

I've never had any luck with hollyhocks. Tried a couple years and got absolutely nowhere.  I do admire them but I no longer put in any effort into things that need babying. It's a survival of the fittest garden for me now.... :) 

[MEmama]

 

because I think that changes things. In big established gardens, perennials are huge. My garden is *full*. I have no more room in my garden for any divisions.

 

They literally go in the compost if I can't give them away ( because I don't have time to pot dozens and dozens of divisions) & if my compost is full (and it often is because I can't be bothered to make more compost bins) it goes in the municipal green bin compost.

 

I think it would be rare to ask someone to divide something that was small & modest & their garden isn't abundant - unless it's one abundant plant.

 

 

OP stipulated it was an ample perennial. It's not like someone asking for a limb. It's more akin to asking for your garbage.

 

This is not a photo of my garden but it's sort of what my garden looks like. Except everything I have is much bigger & way overgrown because I've grown to be a lazy gardener in the last couple years.

 

http://previews.123rf.com/images/elenathewise/elenathewise1209/elenathewise120900030/15391768-Lush-landscaped-garden-with-flowerbed-and-colorful-plants-Stock-Photo.jpg

 

 

It doesn't change the fact that I think it would be rude.

 

We can agree to disagree. :)

[Annie G]

I must be way too introverted.  Every reply I read that said to go ahead and ask made me twitch.  If a stranger just came to me and asked to have something of mine, I'd feel put on the spot. And also weirded out.   When I divide hostas I just plant them.  If I had too many I'd post on Facebook to see if my friends wanted any.  

 

Now, if the neighbor was out in the yard dividing her plants, I might ask if she had plans for them.  If I knew her.  But I'd offer to either pay her or trade for something I had- some fresh herbs or something. 

 

Disclaimer: A couple of years ago I came home to find my neighbor digging my hostas up because he wanted some.  So I'm a little sensitive about it.  

 

 

[gardenmom5]

I have a large hydrangea that hasn't bloomed since I moved it 3 years ago. I have hostas that reproduce like rabbits. I can't kill them, they're impossible to dig up, but I keep trying. I toss them into the woods behind our house, but even the deer won't eat them.

Our yard has about 2 inches of soil and then it's rock, so I'm lucky anything thrives. My favorites are hollyhocks, I'm hoping the black one I have will actually be very dark.

 

My hairdresser got an ivy start from her inlaws cabin (or something.  not typical ivy).  she  kept it in a pot  to keep it contained.  last summer, it 'died', was thoroughly dried out; so she threw it over the fence.  it liked it there . . . .

 

because I think that changes things. In big established gardens, perennials are huge.  My garden is *full*.  I have no  more room in my garden for any divisions.  

 

They literally go in the compost if I can't give them away ( because I don't have time to pot dozens and dozens of divisions) & if my compost is full (and it often is because I can't be bothered to make more compost bins) it goes in the municipal green bin compost.

 

I think it would be rare to ask someone to divide something that was small & modest & their garden isn't abundant - unless it's one abundant plant. 

 

 

OP stipulated it was an ample perennial.  It's not like someone asking for a limb. It's more akin to asking for your garbage. 

 

This is not a photo of my garden but it's sort of what my garden looks like. Except everything I have is much bigger & way overgrown because I've grown to be a lazy gardener in the last couple years. 

 

http://previews.123rf.com/images/elenathewise/elenathewise1209/elenathewise120900030/15391768-Lush-landscaped-garden-with-flowerbed-and-colorful-plants-Stock-Photo.jpg

 

 

 

 

HB - I vote that you plan a field trip down to my house to garden for a week or two straight. 

 

HB - when you do your field trip, let me know.  Jean and I are about 20 minutes apart.  

[hornblower]

HB - I vote that you plan a field trip down to my house to garden for a week or two straight. 

 

 

lol, I can't keep ahead of my own garden, esp the last couple years. Without dh, we'd be living in a jungle. We wouldn't be able to get in the front door. He risked life & limb to tame down the camellia that wants to swallow our front door. It's also growing into the power line that enters the house there so dh had to climb up a precarious ladder & prune it. He fell off the ladder at some point but apparently not badly because I didn't hear about it till later. Good thing he didn't electrocute himself.... 

[gardenmom5]

 

 

 A couple of years ago I came home to find my neighbor digging my hostas up because he wanted some.  So I'm a little sensitive about it.  

 

boggle boggle boggle.    talk about chutzpah . . .

[gardenmom5]

lol, I can't keep ahead of my own garden, esp the last couple years. Without dh, we'd be living in a jungle. We wouldn't be able to get in the front door. He risked life & limb to tame down the camellia that wants to swallow our front door. It's also growing into the power line that enters the house there so dh had to climb up a precarious ladder & prune it. He fell off the ladder at some point but apparently not badly because I didn't hear about it till later. Good thing he didn't electrocute himself.... 

 

Let us know when you'll be digging.  Jean and I will visit you.  ;p  I'm willing to help . . . .

[hornblower]

My hairdresser got an ivy start from her inlaws cabin (or something.  not typical ivy).  she  kept it in a pot  to keep it contained.  last summer, it 'died', was thoroughly dried out; so she threw it over the fence.  it liked it there . . . .

 

 

 

 

HB - when you do your field trip, let me know.  Jean and I are about 20 minutes apart.  

 

 

dude, you're gardenmom! you don't need me :P 

[Reefgazer]

Yes to both.

 

If some had an ample perennial, would you stop & ask for a start? If you had ample perennials & someone stopped, what would you think? I really want perennial ferns & someone in our neighborhood has a huge area with them, but I don't know if I should ask. I see her regularly on my walks, but just wave.

[hornblower]

 

Disclaimer: A couple of years ago I came home to find my neighbor digging my hostas up because he wanted some.  So I'm a little sensitive about it.  

 

oh no, theft is theft. That's completely different. We've had thefts. My neighbours had some very expensive plants stolen from a front bed - I think she said it was about $500 worth. She was pretty ticked. 

 

My parents had their iberis sempervirens stolen in their old house. It was a beautiful large spray on a rock wall & someone took about 90% of it. Grrrrr. 

 

 

[barnwife]

It doesn't change the fact that I think it would be rude.

 

We can agree to disagree. :)

 

Except...they are asking for a plant. That propigates/regenerates/whatever the proper gardening term is. That, per the OP, the garden has in abundance. (Remember: everything I plant dies.) It's not like someone wants to stop and ask their neighbor for the lawn mower they have been admiring from afar. That would be rude/strange.

 

I guess we will have to agree to disagree too. 

 

 

[MotherGoose]

If some had an ample perennial, would you stop & ask for a start? If you had ample perennials & someone stopped, what would you think? I really want perennial ferns & someone in our neighborhood has a huge area with them, but I don't know if I should ask. I see her regularly on my walks, but just wave.

I personally would love it if someone asked for some of my plants. ETA more detail...where I live, it's a part of a yard tour to take people around and when they say, oh I love that, you say, my great grandma gave me a piece of that before she died, isn't it beautiful, wouldn't you like a piece of it? If someone notices your beautiful plants and asks for some, that's a huge compliment. And then they remember you as that nice neighbor lady who gave you a start of her (insert plant name). Then they invite you to come get a start of their plant, and then you remember them. Of course if you are just starting a garden, they will not expect any reciprocation, so don't be shy about that. Even if you admit that you have a brown thumb and nothing grows in your yard, and you don't have anything to give back, they won't mind, but they will be proud everytime they see their plant growing happily in your yard. Or if you kill it, they'll cluck their tounge in sympathy, try to figure out why it died, and will give you advice, or perhaps suggest something more suitable. Read the book "pass along plants "

Edited June 7, 2016 by MotherGoose

[Catalytic]

If some had an ample perennial, would you stop & ask for a start? If you had ample perennials & someone stopped, what would you think? I really want perennial ferns & someone in our neighborhood has a huge area with them, but I don't know if I should ask. I see her regularly on my walks, but just wave.

 

My mother stops all.the.time. to ask for stuff she likes.  She has never had anyone turn her down.  She almost always takes them something in return (assuming she actually lives close enough and isn't traveling through on vacation), and if anyone stops to ask her, they leave with gallons of cuttings!

[foxbridgeacademy]

I can not count the times we stopped at peoples houses when I was a kid so my mom could ask for a start off something..... we had the prettiest yard and she in turn was always willing to share.  But it was the 80's and in Southern Indiana where everyone knew someone you were related to.... 

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Except...they are asking for a plant. That propigates/regenerates/whatever the proper gardening term is. That, per the OP, the garden has in abundance. (Remember: everything I plant dies.) It's not like someone wants to stop and ask their neighbor for the lawn mower they have been admiring from afar. That would be rude/strange.

 

I guess we will have to agree to disagree too. 

 

 

 

I have hydrangea in abundance.  The lady I caught chopping off a big armload of hydrangea stems was mystified that I would mind since "you have so much".  It isn't for someone else to decide if I have enough to share or not. 

 

If I have tons of tomatoes in my garden am I automatically supposed to give it to any neighbor who shows up with their hand out?  What if I was planning on canning them?  Or not?  If I'm painting my house a nice color and a neighbor likes it should they show up and ask for my paint? 

[MotherGoose]

I have hydrangea in abundance. The lady I caught chopping off a big armload of hydrangea stems was mystified that I would mind since "you have so much". It isn't for someone else to decide if I have enough to share or not.

 

If I have tons of tomatoes in my garden am I automatically supposed to give it to any neighbor who shows up with their hand out? What if I was planning on canning them? Or not? If I'm painting my house a nice color and a neighbor likes it should they show up and ask for my paint?

That's different, I would never take something without asking, and I would never ask for something that's edible, ( i.e. Tomatoes, although if you have blackberries or something going everywhere I might ask for a plant, but not the actual berries). Nor would I pick flowers without asking. But if you had beautiful hydrangea bushes all over your yard, and I asked for a cutting or a division--- I would hope that you'd see it as the compliment it is, and oblige me :)

[Serenade]

Well, I wish somebody would stop by and ask for some of my hostas.

 

I don't even like hostas, but the lady who lived here before me (12 years ago!) adored them, and was a whiz at creating flower beds of immortal hostas. I'd never remove them, because they always flourish although I totally neglect them.

 

 

 

 

You need some hungry neighborhood deer.

[Jean in Newcastle]

That's different, I would never take something without asking, and I would never ask for something that's edible, ( i.e. Tomatoes, although if you have blackberries or something going everywhere I might ask for a plant, but not the actual berries). Nor would I pick flowers without asking. But if you had beautiful hydrangea bushes all over your yard, and I asked for a cutting or a division--- I would hope that you'd see it as the compliment it is, and oblige me :)

 

If I knew you, I would be very generous.  If I didn't know  you, I would be taken aback.  It would seem presumptuous to me to ask without a prior relationship.  The relationship wouldn't have to be deep - casual chit chat would suffice - but without that, it would seem . . . random. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

PS - Mothergoose, you can take all the blackberry plants you want from my yard without even asking!  They are invasive species here. 

[Serenade]

I personally would love it if someone asked for some of my plants. ETA more detail...where I live, it's a part of a yard tour to take people around and when they say, oh I love that, you say, my great grandma gave me a piece of that before she died, isn't it beautiful, wouldn't you like a piece of it? If someone notices your beautiful plants and asks for some, that's a huge compliment. And then they remember you as that nice neighbor lady who gave you a start of her (insert plant name). Then they invite you to come get a start of their plant, and then you remember them. Of course if you are just starting a garden, they will not expect any reciprocation, so don't be shy about that. Even if you admit that you have a brown thumb and nothing grows in your yard, and you don't have anything to give back, they won't mind, but they will be proud everytime they see their plant growing happily in your yard. Or if you kill it, they'll cluck their tounge in sympathy, try to figure out why it died, and will give you advice, or perhaps suggest something more suitable. Read the book "pass along plants "

 

 

Passalong Plants -- some of you here might enjoy this book.

 

My favorite plants are the ones that I have from my mom, who got them from somebody else. 

 

 

Maybe we need to start a WTM plant exchange.

[barnwife]

I have hydrangea in abundance.  The lady I caught chopping off a big armload of hydrangea stems was mystified that I would mind since "you have so much".  It isn't for someone else to decide if I have enough to share or not. 

 

If I have tons of tomatoes in my garden am I automatically supposed to give it to any neighbor who shows up with their hand out?  What if I was planning on canning them?  Or not?  If I'm painting my house a nice color and a neighbor likes it should they show up and ask for my paint? 

 

Well, the OP has nothing to do with taking things without asking. Of course that's not okay.

 

Again, I think tomatoes, other produce, tools, other things, etc... are different. Tomatoes are a limited quantity. And they won't reappear by themselves next year as an example. Although, fwiw, I totally wouldn't mind if someone came and asked for some of our produce. They can ask; I can say no. And no is a complete sentence.

 

 

This thread is making me happy I live where I do.

 

 

 

 

[MotherGoose]

If I knew you, I would be very generous. If I didn't know you, I would be taken aback. It would seem presumptuous to me to ask without a prior relationship. The relationship wouldn't have to be deep - casual chit chat would suffice - but without that, it would seem . . . random.

Ahh...so I should do a little buttering up beforehand? :) There is a relationship to establish for sure, I guess I'd see it as the asking for plants as the beginning of a relationship, and in the future I'd expect we'd chat about the plant health, your garden, my garden, and whatever we could share :). As for the blackberries...well there are cultivated blackberries and there are wild blackberries...I only speak in favor of the cultivated thornless ones. :)

[MEmama]

 

This thread is making me happy I live where I do.

 

 

 

 

Me too! :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

For the record, I know my neighbors all up and down the street.  At one point I had the keys to five different neighbor houses, though I only have a couple now.  I wouldn't blink an eye at any one of them asking for a cutting of a plant.  But I know them.  They aren't random people who happened to take a walk past my house. 

 

I am rather adamant on this point because I have had plant theft and plant vandalism.  The one time I had mentioned up thread, the person asked me after she had already cut my plants.  What was I supposed to say?  "Put them back?" I had one plant half hacked out of my flower bed by someone who left it hacked in half.  I don't know what their objective was.  Were they interrupted before they could get the entire plant?  But why would they hack at it?  The plant (which was a new one, btw) didn't survive. 

[8circles]

Well, I'd never do it because if I've learned nothing else on TWTM it's that people find really normal (to me) things rude.  So I've kind-of stopped doing stuff that in any way might be possibly considered rude.  Basically I don't ask for anything.  

 

It never would have occurred to me that this was rude! If anything I guess I thought it'd be a great way to strike up a friendship (or neighborly relationship).

 

I kind of thought it'd be a compliment ... and maybe a geek thing, like we all get excited when someone geeks out at the same things we do and can appreciate our 'stash' or investment or whatever.

 

I'd have walked over and asked. I wonder how many times I inadvertently offend people or make them feel put on the spot LOL.  Oops.

 

I don't garden, but my mom does.  She said she wouldn't think twice about it and would be happy to share. This reminds me of people asking for and sharing (or not!) recipes. What might be intended as a compliment can be taken in such a different light!

I would be flattered and if I could, without much trouble, I'd gladly share my extras.

 

Second, also like a different pp, I had no idea this would be considered rude. Especially among neighbors who wave at each other. That is something I am having trouble wrapping my mind around.

I mean, I wouldn't let "Can I have some of your XXX?" be the first thing out of my mouth. I'd probably stop and admire whatever while on a walk and the neighbor is outside. Then I'd do as others have said and say something to the effect of "if you ever divide them, I'd love to have a start."
...

The things I learn here...

Yes, this.

 

That's some serious introversion for ya I guess. ;)
 

I know it's used casually this way, but I don't think that is introversion.  I'm a pretty extreme introvert but I'd have no problem with someone, even a stranger, asking me to share my plants.  & I'd have no problem saying "no" for any reason.

 

I have hydrangea in abundance.  The lady I caught chopping off a big armload of hydrangea stems was mystified that I would mind since "you have so much".  It isn't for someone else to decide if I have enough to share or not. 

 

If I have tons of tomatoes in my garden am I automatically supposed to give it to any neighbor who shows up with their hand out?  What if I was planning on canning them?  Or not?  If I'm painting my house a nice color and a neighbor likes it should they show up and ask for my paint? 

But can someone ask if you have enough to share?  Is that also not allowed?  I don't think anyone is suggesting saying "you've got way more than you need.  give me some".

 

I am rather adamant on this point because I have had plant theft and plant vandalism.  The one time I had mentioned up thread, the person asked me after she had already cut my plants.  What was I supposed to say?  "Put them back?" I had one plant half hacked out of my flower bed by someone who left it hacked in half.  I don't know what their objective was.  Were they interrupted before they could get the entire plant?  But why would they hack at it?  The plant (which was a new one, btw) didn't survive. 

This has absolutely nothing to do with vandalism or theft.  Totally different.

 

I can understand why people don't want to share, for whatever reason.  I can even understand people thinking "well, that's strange" but I can't really understand "how rude".

[Murphy101]

Ahh...so I should do a little buttering up beforehand? :) There is a relationship to establish for sure, I guess I'd see it as the asking for plants as the beginning of a relationship, and in the future I'd expect we'd chat about the plant health, your garden, my garden, and whatever we could share :). As for the blackberries...well there are cultivated blackberries and there are wild blackberries...I only speak in favor of the cultivated thornless ones. :)

In general, people of the south think butter makes everything better. Because it's true.😋

[Murphy101]

For the record, I know my neighbors all up and down the street. At one point I had the keys to five different neighbor houses, though I only have a couple now. I wouldn't blink an eye at any one of them asking for a cutting of a plant. But I know them. They aren't random people who happened to take a walk past my house.

 

I am rather adamant on this point because I have had plant theft and plant vandalism. The one time I had mentioned up thread, the person asked me after she had already cut my plants. What was I supposed to say? "Put them back?" I had one plant half hacked out of my flower bed by someone who left it hacked in half. I don't know what their objective was. Were they interrupted before they could get the entire plant? But why would they hack at it? The plant (which was a new one, btw) didn't survive.

Damned straight! I would be so crying pissed and saying "hell yeah, give me MY flowers back!!" At least I could put them on my own table or dry them.

 

But I'm unreasonably attached to my hydrangeas bc of who gave them to me and would not react diplomatically or politely to some crazy just cutting them up. I'd be a bawling cussing mess.

 

Tho I don't think this has much to do with the OP bc I'm presuming she has enough moral sense to know stealing is wrong and wouldn't just take it or demand it.

[Shellydon]

I'd totally ask.  I've always lived in friendly states though, so no one would think that is weird at all

[FriedClams]

Ask! Be friendly and complimentary. Worst case they say no. Best case you have a new friend.

[MotherGoose]

 

In general, people of the south think butter makes everything better. Because it's true.😋[/quote

 

It is true...they talk to y about how pretty your plants are, and admire the plants, and then it seems very natural that you'd want to share our largessse.

[marbel]

<snip>

 

I know it's used casually this way, but I don't think that is introversion.  I'm a pretty extreme introvert but I'd have no problem with someone, even a stranger, asking me to share my plants.  & I'd have no problem saying "no" for any reason.

 

But can someone ask if you have enough to share?  Is that also not allowed?  I don't think anyone is suggesting saying "you've got way more than you need.  give me some".

 

<snip>

 

 I've been thinking about this a little tonight.  I think the reason it seems odd to me is that, while I generally have no problem saying no to requests I don't want to fill, it would be weird to have to say no to someone asking for a piece of a plant.  I mean, I think it would be weird for a person to ask a stranger for a piece of plant, but it would also be weird to say "no."  I don't want to be put in that position by someone I don't know but will see around the neighborhood.  

 

And asking someone "do you have enough to share?" That is not any different to me.

 

Someone upthread made a comment that asking for part of a plant would be a great way to start a friendship (something close to that).  I disagree. You start a friendship first, and then talk about swapping plants or whatever. If I have no more than a waving relationship with someone in my neighborhood for some number of months or years, and then one day that person comes over to see me but it's to ask me if they can have a piece of a plant... that to me is not the way to start a friendship. 

 

Admiring the plants, yes, and perhaps building up to asking about a swap or outright getting a cutting, but not right out of the gate. 

 

BTW this is all hypothetical for me because I don't have a nice garden, though I have offered seeds from my abundance of cleome plants to people who've admired them.  

 

Oh and I do agree with one thing - I don't think this is an introvert thing.  Maybe a shyness thing. (I am both.But I don't think either characteristic makes me think it's odd to ask for plants. I just think it's odd for people to ask strangers for stuff, even replaceable stuff like perennials.)

 

[Guest]

I give away hostas when I divide them, or Lily of the Valley, and some of mine were from a freecycler who let me have what I could dig years ago. My friend put up a post on FB his past spring, asking if anyone was dividing hostas and I offered she could come here and take a few. I have also offered on freecycle, and theough my hs co-op. Share the wealth is my opinion.

 

Tangent: my neighbor used to have the most breathtaking field of daffodils behind her house, which is at the front of my house. She was quite elderly, and I always wanted to ask of I could take some daffosil divisons, but she wan't very accessible and eventually moved. The folks who bought her house tore down and re-built a new house...AND THEY UNWITTINGLY DUG UP ALL THOSE DAFFODILS! So sad. That was a breathtaking spectacle each spring, but the new owners either did not know or didn't care and the daffodils are no more.

[8circles]

Someone upthread made a comment that asking for part of a plant would be a great way to start a friendship (something close to that).  I disagree. You start a friendship first, and then talk about swapping plants or whatever. If I have no more than a waving relationship with someone in my neighborhood for some number of months or years, and then one day that person comes over to see me but it's to ask me if they can have a piece of a plant... that to me is not the way to start a friendship. 

 

Admiring the plants, yes, and perhaps building up to asking about a swap or outright getting a cutting, but not right out of the gate. 

 

I think if you are seeing the neighbor regularly & waving, catching each other's eye, then approaching them to talk about their garden and possibly asking for a cutting would be a very organic next step.  

 

Tangent: my neighbor used to have the most breathtaking field of daffodils behind her house, which is at the front of my house. She was quite elderly, and I always wanted to ask of I could take some daffosil divisons, but she wan't very accessible and eventually moved. The folks who bought her house tore down and re-built a new house...AND THEY UNWITTINGLY DUG UP ALL THOSE DAFFODILS! So sad. That was a breathtaking spectacle each spring, but the new owners either did not know or didn't care and the daffodils are no more.

Oh, those poor daffodils.  That makes me sad.  What a waste of beauty.

[cjzimmer1]

I probably wouldn't ask outright for some plants.  The next time I saw the neighbor I would probably admire the plants out loud to the neighbor.  Something along the lines of, I love seeing all the X plants in your yard.  Do you know where I could get some for myself?  It gives the neighbor the opportunity to share if they are willing or direct the person elsewhere (even if it's I don't know), if they don't want to share. 

[Guest]

Everytime i pass this, i think it says "millenials in someone elses yard"

[Amy in NH]

Lol. You can't kill em. I dug up the ones around our aunt's trailer before they moved it, literally threw them in a pile around a cherry tree, and 2 years later they are thriving like I lovingly planted them in a bed.

Chickens ate mine. :(

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

I can understand why people don't want to share, for whatever reason.  I can even understand people thinking "well, that's strange" but I can't really understand "how rude".

 

Um. . . I specifically said that I would think it strange.  I don't believe that I ever said the word rude? 

[gardenmom5]

PS - Mothergoose, you can take all the blackberry plants you want from my yard without even asking!  They are invasive species here. 

 

 

and everyone has their favorite patch  :p  ( preferably on the OTHER side of a freeway) and won't tell.  they're a delicacy here.  ah, fresh blackberry pie and copper river sockeye salmon.  two of my most favorite foods.  :drool5:  pity their seasonally mutually exclusive. . . .

 

the times  did a "'favorite place to . . . " column a number of years back.  "pick blackberries" . . the responses were generally "none of your business."

 

I remember a transplant providing refreshments of fresh bread and "jam out of whatever those berries are that grow around here" . . . though not as good as they transplants that FERTILIZED the blackberries in his yard.  :huh: :lol: :smilielol5:   they never did that again . . .

 

[gardenmom5]

In general, people of the south think butter makes everything better. Because it's true.😋

 

the french and the greeks think that too - lots of butter in their food.  yummy.