Curious: I had a not-so-great hospital experience. Am I too picky?

[Guest]

When I was younger I used to get very sick periodically, if you get what I mean. Sick, horribly bad cramps, etc. While at University I often had to go to the student clinic. I learned very quickly I wanted a male doctor because they believed me. Women doctors did not unless they had similar experiences. If I got someone with a 28 day cycle with no or light cramps and no problems it was pretty much a wasted trip.

 

Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk

What happens at uni clinics that helps with difficult menses? Is that a dumb question? I cajt think of snything though. Did you need dhots or something?

[Butter]

The leading lactation consultant in Canada is male.... I read his books.

 

I used to know a male lactation consultant who worked at a hospital in southern MD.  Everyone raved over him and many women would specifically request him over the females.  I didn't give birth in that hospital so I never had the chance to use his services, but by all accounts he was *amazing.*

[scoutingmom]

What happens at uni clinics that helps with difficult menses? Is that a dumb question? I cajt think of snything though. Did you need dhots or something?

Many years ago so I don't remember the details.... I think I was sometimes given a prescription muscle relaxant or something along that lines for the cramps that helped. Over the counter stuff was useless.

 

Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk

[bettyandbob]

It is absolutely reasonable to not want a man to help you go to the bathroom.

 

We are paying for a service. These people earn a living because we pay them. Do not start settling for things you don't want.

So this sounds like you are mistaking a hospital for a spa or hotel.

 

When I go to a hospital I expect it to be staffed with competent personell. If a staff member is not competent, then I have a complaint.

 

Gender is not part of competence.

 

If I'd prefer a gender specific caregiver, I can ask. I do understand one may not be available for a long time or not at all.

 

I know CNAs are used for caregiving (things like help with the bathroom included). I know the RN is overloaded with medical duties. If someone demands the RN help with bathroom use, then the RN is not monitoring my vitals, giving me my meds, or doing stuff to make sure I am alive. So, I don't want the RN interrupted so I or anyone else can go to the bathroom. If enough CNAs are staffed that switching can happen great, but staffing at all levels in hospitals is often too low for adjustments to be made easily.

[scoutingmom]

What happens at uni clinics that helps with difficult menses? Is that a dumb question? I cajt think of snything though. Did you need dhots or something?

Oh, I think at times I needed a note about missing class or being late on an assignment or something as well...

 

My point was though that if my experience didn't match a female doctor's experience, they sometimes totally discounted mine. Male doctors always believed that my periods were as I described, and were willing to try to find ways to help.

 

Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk

[Serenade]

Oh, I think at times I needed a note about missing class or being late on an assignment or something as well...

 

My point was though that if my experience didn't match a female doctor's experience, they sometimes totally discounted mine. Male doctors always believed that my periods were as I described, and were willing to try to find ways to help.

 

Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk

 

 

I actually preferred male gynos for this reason, too -- I always thought they were more sympathetic and tried to understand things better.

 

Still, I'd prefer a female to help me in the bathroom.  It might not seem logical, but there it is.  

[VeteranMom]

I had a hospital stay in December.  I had to call the charge nurse my first night.  I complained about having to wait over an hour for my pain medication.  I got out of that hospital as soon as I could.  I worked in healthcare for over 20 years and still hold a Registered Nurse license.  Healthcare is going to crap.  

If you don't want a man to help you get up to the bathroom, you should have the option to have a female help you.  You aren't picky at all.  Once you feel up to it, call the patient advocate at the hospital.  You complaining could save other patients from the same experience.

I hope you feel better soon. 

[TX Native]

I did not read all replies, so forgive redundancies. Going to a hospital that is known to be staffed male and female in all roles, it is much easier to state gender preferences upfront. The hospital likely couldn't guarantee female only, but they could tell you ahead of time if they are logistically able to try to honor your request if at all possible. Stating your preference in the middle of the night when the female RN may be delivering pain meds in another room, monitoring someone with unstable vitals or receiving a blood transfusion, dealing with the patient who got up by themselves after surgery against the doctor's orders and passed out in the floor, calling a family notifying them that a patient just passed away, and other things is not the best time. I really don't understand the shock that a male caregiver on a hospital floor might show up to help with hygiene needs. I do understand many people preferring same gender caregivers for hygiene assistance, but with all other things a nurse has to tend to, being sure to ask every patient if he or she is okay with a male or female assisting them to the bathroom is burdensome. 50 years ago, normal. Today, most people know male nurses and nurse assistants are common. It is easier for patients with special requests like gender caregiver preference to state that on admission to the unit. I wouldn't expect that to become a default question to ask all patients with the 10 million other questions on the nurse's admission questions. Even if the female patient has an emotional reason to be extra sensitive to male caregivers that she wants to keep secret, the middle of the night on a hospital's skeleton staff is a difficult time to ask for accommodation. If it is known ahead of time that you prefer only female caregivers for hygiene needs it is easier for everyone. If staffing will not allow for your preference, at least then they can explain to you at the start of the shift that Sue, CNA is sick and Bob, CNA was the only available replacement. Then you are prepared and have time to call a relative or friend to come assist you if possible. Expecting only older, college educated staff to assist hospital patients with bathroom needs is unrealistic unless we want to see medical costs rise even higher.

 

In your defense, it does sound like the nursing and nursing support staff don't like their jobs, are understaffed, and don't work well together. The middle of the night surprise of a male attendant may not have bothered you as much had you been pleased with the staff's care the previous day. The CNA saying to you, "nurse so and so is tending to an urgent matter at the moment, I am the only one available to assist you, I am trained and competent in this, and I am sorry you weren't aware this isn't a female only staffed unit" would have been a better response. Usually the nurse and CNA assigned to patients are supposed to introduce themselves within the 1st hour of the shift so patients know who will be delivering care for the shift. It would have been nice to know this before you were in the uncomfortable position of having a male stranger offer to assist you to the bathroom in the middle of the night. . If they were irritated, thinking your request to wait for a female staff was unreasonable, they should not have been rude to you. Going through something as vulnerable as surgery, anesthesia and pain meds that screw with your emotions, likely being sleep deprived from increased monitoring, and having to advocate for yourself while you weren't in the best position to do that as a post-top patient deserves tons of grace from the staff. I would complain about these things.

 

One thing I never understood with gender roles in the medical field: When I worked in OB, a female staff had to be present when a male doctor performed vag exams. When I worked on the regular medical floor, a male staff never had to be present when a female nurse put a catheter in a male patient. Go figure!

[creekland]

This is definitely an interesting thread to read when one has been up since 3:30am feeling incredibly miserable.   :lol:

 

I'm counting on ibuprofen, caffeine, and just being "up" instead of in bed to help.

 

My "assistant cat" already headed out - his shift is over.  His replacement (a female) hung around for a minute, then left me.  I'm not sure either were satisfied with their service this morning.

[KungFuPanda]

I could care less if a doctor is Muslim, but I admit that if a female Muslim was dressed head to toe in traditional religious garb and was my nurse, I'd feel uncomfortable. There is just something about having them hidden in that way that makes me feel uncomfortable. Would I get over it? Probably. And it wouldn't matter to me at all in some situations. For example, a Muslim woman checking out my groceries at the store...I don't care. But if you are going to get very personal and touch me, that idea makes me uncomfortable.

Don't watch Call the Midwife! The nuns might freak you out.

[marbel]

Don't watch Call the Midwife! The nuns might freak you out.

 

Nuns don't cover their faces, do they?  I'm guessing she meant that it would bother her not to be able to see the person's face.  I suspect that would be a little disconcerting to me too.  I could be wrong though, but Sparkly will correct me if I am, lol. 

[TranquilMind]

Well I think it's a bit unfair to dismiss a male nurse, but then again you are the "customer" and if that made you uncomfortable then so be it. 

 

I do notice that you have to literally be a complete demanding a-hole to get decent treatment.  It was that way when my mother was in and out for cancer.  Really just getting a stupid box of tissues was a major production.  I often had spats with the staff.

 

I would have just gotten up and gone to the bathroom on my own.  I'm not cooperative as a rule though so...

You and I would be friends. 

 

;)

[hornblower]

I've seen medical staff in hijab but I can't think of one in a niqab. There probably are some though.

 

I'm not sure niqab would be much different from the staff who refuse flu vax and have to be masked at all patient contact.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[TranquilMind]

This is definitely an interesting thread to read when one has been up since 3:30am feeling incredibly miserable.   :lol:

 

I'm counting on ibuprofen, caffeine, and just being "up" instead of in bed to help.

 

My "assistant cat" already headed out - his shift is over.  His replacement (a female) hung around for a minute, then left me.  I'm not sure either were satisfied with their service this morning.

Hope you feel well soon. 

[Mbelle]

So this sounds like you are mistaking a hospital for a spa or hotel.

 

When I go to a hospital I expect it to be staffed with competent personell. If a staff member is not competent, then I have a complaint.

 

Gender is not part of competence.

 

If I'd prefer a gender specific caregiver, I can ask. I do understand one may not be available for a long time or not at all.

 

I know CNAs are used for caregiving (things like help with the bathroom included). I know the RN is overloaded with medical duties. If someone demands the RN help with bathroom use, then the RN is not monitoring my vitals, giving me my meds, or doing stuff to make sure I am alive. So, I don't want the RN interrupted so I or anyone else can go to the bathroom. If enough CNAs are staffed that switching can happen great, but staffing at all levels in hospitals is often too low for adjustments to be made easily.

 

Exactly.  It is a business.  They make tons of money.  I expect to be treated competently in every way.

Gender is part of the competence.  It makes me very anxious and uncomfortable and I would likely not call for assistance.  When I am down and out I do not expect to have to work around someone elses ideals.  They can work around mine.  I pay 12K per year for health insurance, with 3K deductable. I expect to be cared for comfortably and competently.  I have never been hospitalized, so that is a fortune of money I have paid out so far.  When and if I am hospitalized I sure as shootin better be taken care of.  My Mom is an RN and worked in hospital for 25 years. She told me to make sure I am taken care of.  She also said to make sure you have someone with you all the time, preferably someone who can be proactive.  

[TranquilMind]

I did not read all replies, so forgive redundancies. Going to a hospital that is known to be staffed male and female in all roles, it is much easier to state gender preferences upfront. The hospital likely couldn't guarantee female only, but they could tell you ahead of time if they are logistically able to try to honor your request if at all possible. Stating your preference in the middle of the night when the female RN may be delivering pain meds in another room, monitoring someone with unstable vitals or receiving a blood transfusion, dealing with the patient who got up by themselves after surgery against the doctor's orders and passed out in the floor, calling a family notifying them that a patient just passed away, and other things is not the best time. I really don't understand the shock that a male caregiver on a hospital floor might show up to help with hygiene needs. I do understand many people preferring same gender caregivers for hygiene assistance, but with all other things a nurse has to tend to, being sure to ask every patient if he or she is okay with a male or female assisting them to the bathroom is burdensome. 50 years ago, normal. Today, most people know male nurses and nurse assistants are common. It is easier for patients with special requests like gender caregiver preference to state that on admission to the unit. I wouldn't expect that to become a default question to ask all patients with the 10 million other questions on the nurse's admission questions. Even if the female patient has an emotional reason to be extra sensitive to male caregivers that she wants to keep secret, the middle of the night on a hospital's skeleton staff is a difficult time to ask for accommodation. If it is known ahead of time that you prefer only female caregivers for hygiene needs it is easier for everyone. If staffing will not allow for your preference, at least then they can explain to you at the start of the shift that Sue, CNA is sick and Bob, CNA was the only available replacement. Then you are prepared and have time to call a relative or friend to come assist you if possible. Expecting only older, college educated staff to assist hospital patients with bathroom needs is unrealistic unless we want to see medical costs rise even higher.

 

In your defense, it does sound like the nursing and nursing support staff don't like their jobs, are understaffed, and don't work well together. The middle of the night surprise of a male attendant may not have bothered you as much had you been pleased with the staff's care the previous day. The CNA saying to you, "nurse so and so is tending to an urgent matter at the moment, I am the only one available to assist you, I am trained and competent in this, and I am sorry you weren't aware this isn't a female only staffed unit" would have been a better response. Usually the nurse and CNA assigned to patients are supposed to introduce themselves within the 1st hour of the shift so patients know who will be delivering care for the shift. It would have been nice to know this before you were in the uncomfortable position of having a male stranger offer to assist you to the bathroom in the middle of the night. . If they were irritated, thinking your request to wait for a female staff was unreasonable, they should not have been rude to you. Going through something as vulnerable as surgery, anesthesia and pain meds that screw with your emotions, likely being sleep deprived from increased monitoring, and having to advocate for yourself while you weren't in the best position to do that as a post-top patient deserves tons of grace from the staff. I would complain about these things.

 

One thing I never understood with gender roles in the medical field: When I worked in OB, a female staff had to be present when a male doctor performed vag exams. When I worked on the regular medical floor, a male staff never had to be present when a female nurse put a catheter in a male patient. Go figure!

You are conflating all generations here. 

 

Mostly, it is just the older women and a few devoutly religous people who are highly uncomfortable with some man wiping them.  Men have always been used to female nurses. 

 

Everyone else, as you say, is used to this.

 

So just be sensitive to those relatively few people.  This is not unreasonable. 

 

It was unheard of for a 75 year old woman to ever be attended in the bathroom by a man, so she is likely to be uncomfortable with that.  A 20 year old won't bat an eye (unless devoutly religious).

 

This broad dismissal of this reaction isn't justified and most people don't plan hospitalizations anyway, in order to request to have a female nurse. 

Edited April 9, 2016 by TranquilMind

[KungFuPanda]

Nuns don't cover their faces, do they? I'm guessing she meant that it would bother her not to be able to see the person's face. I suspect that would be a little disconcerting to me too. I could be wrong though, but Sparkly will correct me if I am, lol.

You'd think of all places, a hospital would be the setting where people are used to seeing the staff covered from head to toe. Think of a surgeon in a mask and gloves or the ICU staff. You can see the eyes and that's it.

[TranquilMind]

Exactly.  It is a business.  They make tons of money.  I expect to be treated competently in every way.

Gender is part of the competence.  It makes me very anxious and uncomfortable and I would likely not call for assistance.  When I am down and out I do not expect to have to work around someone elses ideals.  They can work around mine.  I pay 12K per year for health insurance, with 3K deductable. I expect to be cared for comfortably and competently.  I have never been hospitalized, so that is a fortune of money I have paid out so far.  When and if I am hospitalized I sure as shootin better be taken care of.  My Mom is an RN and worked in hospital for 25 years. She told me to make sure I am taken care of.  She also said to make sure you have someone with you all the time, preferably someone who can be proactive.  

Oh, it is SUCH a business.  It isn't even funny how little that it is about patients and care, and how much it is about raking in the dollars.   I think people begin with good intentions but become very calloused along the way, or develop the "god syndrome". 

 

Good luck with those expectations (though I agree with you).  No one seems to care, as you are pretty much a captive audience in the hospital.    I could see before I got to the end of your post that you have not experienced this.   You are right.  It is a boatload of money, but they will take it, and if you make it out alive and without a antibiotic-resistant bug they are sharing all over the hospital for failure to wash their hands, or touching stuff (cell phones?), you can thank the Lord Almighty. 

[Alicia64]

You and I would be friends. 

 

;)

 

I've tried to stay silent when these comments of I-just-would-have-done-it-myself crop up.

 

I cannot express strongly enough how much every staff person insisted that I NOT get up on my own. It's All ABOUT LAWYERS and they've been taught to keep certain patients in bed, but also: if you fall, there's a strong chance nobody will get back to you for a good hour or more.

 

So you could be putting yourself into a world of hurt -- and hurting your surgery -- by "just doing it myself."

 

Also, I had leg things attached to my legs that are meant to prevent blood clots. Those leg things are attached to the bed and an electrical thing. With the incision in my stomach, I couldn't bend in the right place to see how to get those things off.

 

But my biggest point: the nurses and their helpers were not friendly. They would have come UNGLUED if they'd found me trudging to the bathroom on my own. Unglued is putting it mildly.

 

Please stop acting like I'm too dependent or something. Easy words to say that you'd do it yourself, but not with my RN you wouldn't have. (And please don't think I didn't think about doing it myself b/c I did.)

 

Re: the young man in the middle of the night. Whoever said that the middle of the night was the problem: you're semi-right. I was startled and hadn't met him prior. Yes, he would just walk me to the bathroom (which would be fine), but your tucas is hanging out from behind.

 

You are on show from top to bottom. But even that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is going pee in front of a young man. He likely would have closed the door, but a few of the female staff didn't bother.

 

Yes, I felt awkward. I don't expect a hotel or spa service, but I pay a ton in medical coverage. A ton. All of us need to keep this in mind. If we buy a dress at Macy's we have certain expectations, but can't have any at the hospital? Where we've paid thousands through the years?

 

Can we put a stop to this conversation? I didn't mean for it to get kind of combative.

 

I'm really thankful you guys have helped me think this through -- really appreciative. I have a walker for the house for recuperating - and I'm taking a nap and then asking my boys to glue gun a ton of "jewels" on it. I'm Pinteresting the heck out of this walker. :)

 

Even when we disagree and get cranky: I love you guys.

 

Alley

Edited April 9, 2016 by Alicia64

[hornblower]

Wow, so many of you mention money and the business end of it.

 

It's not how I think of hospitals at all in Canada.

 

Speaking of the business end - as usual, the super rich have different rules. Hospital broke protocols to appease a vip patient

 

https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/2016/04/02/hospital-loses-its-way-care-for-vip-patient/YNCtmYKxtHQid17M58a9hN/story.html

 

 

 

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Guest]

GROAN

 

An observant doctor or nurse niquabi would have no reason to cover her face (or anything else)with female patients and wouldnt see male patients at all do eveyone is safe from all the Muslim cooties.

[Mbelle]

Oh, it is SUCH a business.  It isn't even funny how little that it is about patients and care, and how much it is about raking in the dollars.   I think people begin with good intentions but become very calloused along the way, or develop the "god syndrome". 

 

Good luck with those expectations (though I agree with you).  No one seems to care, as you are pretty much a captive audience in the hospital.    I could see before I got to the end of your post that you have not experienced this.   You are right.  It is a boatload of money, but they will take it, and if you make it out alive and without a antibiotic-resistant bug they are sharing all over the hospital for failure to wash their hands, or touching stuff (cell phones?), you can thank the Lord Almighty. 

 

My Dh has had major surgery and minor surgery many times.  My mom has gone with me a few times and we bring goodies and are super nice to the RN's and others.  Then we make it clear we will be paying a lot of attention to every detail.  Mom taught me well.  I'm not as pushy as my mom, but I'm learning how very necessary it is.

 

The other thing that i know, since I also have a cousin that is an RN.  Men do not mind having a female helper, in fact they pretty much do not want a male helper. and actually you would be surprised at the number of men who like to sort of show off their "package" and some of them are rather blatant about it. Not once has a female patient wanted to show off their own "package". Not one time.  

[Guest]

I've tried to stay silent when these comments of I-just-would-have-done-it-myself crop up.

 

I cannot express strongly enough how much every staff person insisted that I NOT get up on my own. It's All ABOUT LAWYERS and they've been taught to keep certain patients in bed, but also: if you fall, there's a strong chance nobody will get back to you for a good hour or more.

 

So you could be putting yourself into a world of hurt -- and hurting your surgery -- by "just doing it myself."

 

Also, I had leg things attached to my legs that are meant to prevent blood clots. Those leg things are attached to the bed and an electrical thing. With the incision in my stomach, I couldn't bend in the right place to see how to get those things off.

 

But my biggest point: the nurses and their helpers were not friendly. They would have come UNGLUED if they'd found me trudging to the bathroom on my own. Unglued is putting it mildly.

 

Please stop acting like I'm too dependent or something. Easy words to say that you'd do it yourself, but not with my RN you wouldn't have. (And please don't think I didn't think about doing it myself b/c I did.)

 

Re: the young man in the middle of the night. Whoever said that the middle of the night was the problem: you're semi-right. I was startled and hadn't met him prior. Yes, he would just walk me to the bathroom (which would be fine), but your tucas is hanging out from behind.

 

You are butt naked from top to bottom. But even that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is going pee in front of a young man. He likely would have closed the door, but a few of the female staff didn't bother.

 

Yes, I felt awkward. I don't expect a hotel or spa service, but I pay a ton in medical coverage. A ton. All of us need to keep this in mind. If we buy a dress at Macy's we have certain expectations, but can't have any at the hospital? Where we've paid thousands through the years?

 

Can we put a stop to this conversation? I didn't mean for it to get kind of combative.

 

I'm really thankful you guys have helped me think this through -- really appreciative. I have a walker for the house for recuperating - and I'm taking a nap and then asking my boys to glue gun a ton of "jewels" on it. I'm Pinteresting the heck out of this walker. :)

 

Even when we disagree and get cranky: I love you guys.

 

Alley

Rule number 7 in healing in peace is dont post anything personal online (((())))

 

For your tuckus they should have given a second gown to wear backward! Thats sop, and it can be arranged around all tubes, cords, etc.

 

Go away and get all the rest you can honey, feel better!

[Mbelle]

Wow, so many of you mention money and the business end of it.

 

It's not how I think of hospitals at all in Canada.

 

Speaking of the business end - as usual, the super rich have different rules. Hospital broke protocols to appease a vip patient

 

https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/2016/04/02/hospital-loses-its-way-care-for-vip-patient/YNCtmYKxtHQid17M58a9hN/story.html

 

 

 

Well, I do hope it's not like that in Canada.  In fact i'm hoping for single payer healthcare in the US in my lifetime.

HOwever, DH is from Australia and money is still a big part of it.  His Uncle was a hospital administrator and he was very wealthy. Very.  The people are still paying whether or not it is universal or private.

 

I did love the private hospital one of my family members was at in AUS.  He got very ill while we were there and had to be admitted.  He's just a regular middle class man with the private buy up insurance.  Nicest hospital I have ever been in.

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[TechWife]

You'd think of all places, a hospital would be the setting where people are used to seeing the staff covered from head to toe. Think of a surgeon in a mask and gloves or the ICU staff. You can see the eyes and that's it.

Unless you wake up during surgery, you don't see a doctor in a gown and mask. Well, there's the fifteen seconds between when your stretcher stops and the anesthesiologist does his magic.

[Mergath]

Exactly.  It is a business.  They make tons of money.  I expect to be treated competently in every way.

Gender is part of the competence.  It makes me very anxious and uncomfortable and I would likely not call for assistance.  When I am down and out I do not expect to have to work around someone elses ideals.  They can work around mine.  I pay 12K per year for health insurance, with 3K deductable. I expect to be cared for comfortably and competently.  I have never been hospitalized, so that is a fortune of money I have paid out so far.  When and if I am hospitalized I sure as shootin better be taken care of.  My Mom is an RN and worked in hospital for 25 years. She told me to make sure I am taken care of.  She also said to make sure you have someone with you all the time, preferably someone who can be proactive.  

 

I am gobsmacked that anyone in 2016 thinks gender and competence are in any way related. Good grief. It doesn't matter how much you pay for your premiums. You don't get to select health care providers with your preferred physical characteristics because you have some messed up idea that men/women are somehow incompetent. 

[TranquilMind]

I've tried to stay silent when these comments of I-just-would-have-done-it-myself crop up.

 

I cannot express strongly enough how much every staff person insisted that I NOT get up on my own. It's All ABOUT LAWYERS and they've been taught to keep certain patients in bed, but also: if you fall, there's a strong chance nobody will get back to you for a good hour or more.

 

So you could be putting yourself into a world of hurt -- and hurting your surgery -- by "just doing it myself."

 

Also, I had leg things attached to my legs that are meant to prevent blood clots. Those leg things are attached to the bed and an electrical thing. With the incision in my stomach, I couldn't bend in the right place to see how to get those things off.

 

But my biggest point: the nurses and their helpers were not friendly. They would have come UNGLUED if they'd found me trudging to the bathroom on my own. Unglued is putting it mildly.

 

Please stop acting like I'm too dependent or something. Easy words to say that you'd do it yourself, but not with my RN you wouldn't have. (And please don't think I didn't think about doing it myself b/c I did.)

 

Re: the young man in the middle of the night. Whoever said that the middle of the night was the problem: you're semi-right. I was startled and hadn't met him prior. Yes, he would just walk me to the bathroom (which would be fine), but your tucas is hanging out from behind.

 

You are on show from top to bottom. But even that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is going pee in front of a young man. He likely would have closed the door, but a few of the female staff didn't bother.

 

Yes, I felt awkward. I don't expect a hotel or spa service, but I pay a ton in medical coverage. A ton. All of us need to keep this in mind. If we buy a dress at Macy's we have certain expectations, but can't have any at the hospital? Where we've paid thousands through the years?

 

Can we put a stop to this conversation? I didn't mean for it to get kind of combative.

 

I'm really thankful you guys have helped me think this through -- really appreciative. I have a walker for the house for recuperating - and I'm taking a nap and then asking my boys to glue gun a ton of "jewels" on it. I'm Pinteresting the heck out of this walker. :)

 

Even when we disagree and get cranky: I love you guys.

 

Alley

Are you quoting someone within your response? 

 

Never mind.  Read it again and I see what you are saying.

 

Sure, in some cases you can't get up.  But when you can and they won't come, well, you do what you have to do.

 

It is all about CYA.  If I got up, I assumed the risk. 

Edited April 9, 2016 by TranquilMind

[marbel]

GROAN

 

An observant doctor or nurse niquabi would have no reason to cover her face (or anything else)with female patients and wouldnt see male patients at all do eveyone is safe from all the Muslim cooties.

 

Oh for crying out loud, it has nothing to do with "Muslim cooties."   It's the idea of being able to see a person's face while interacting with them in a fairly intimate way. 

[StephanieZ]

That would be because there haven't been many documented cases of grossly inappropriate sexualized behavior from nurses inserting catheters.

 

My guess is that is because you are incorrectly interpreting the role of the nurse babysitter.

 

The female is there while the male DOCTOR is doing his sensitive work . . . to protect the doctor and facility against false claims (and presumably also preventing the rare occurrence of a true claim). 

 

In contrast, it is much less likely that a female nurse (or doctor) would either commit or be falsely accused of inappropriate behavior with a male patient. That's just statistics. 

 

Just my opinion. 

[Guest]

Oh for crying out loud, it has nothing to do with "Muslim cooties." It's the idea of being able to see a person's face while interacting with them in a fairly intimate way.

Dont cry! The point is that everyone being treated by a niquabi WOULD be looking them full in the face.

[TranquilMind]

My Dh has had major surgery and minor surgery many times.  My mom has gone with me a few times and we bring goodies and are super nice to the RN's and others.  Then we make it clear we will be paying a lot of attention to every detail.  Mom taught me well.  I'm not as pushy as my mom, but I'm learning how very necessary it is.

 

The other thing that i know, since I also have a cousin that is an RN.  Men do not mind having a female helper, in fact they pretty much do not want a male helper. and actually you would be surprised at the number of men who like to sort of show off their "package" and some of them are rather blatant about it. Not once has a female patient wanted to show off their own "package". Not one time.  

 

Remember the scene in Terms of Endearment where Debra Winger is dying and her mom loses it at the front desk because they won't give her daughter any pain medicine? 

 

Yeah, my "Donna Reed-like" composed and genteel mother had to do that once. 

 

I trust no one in that scenario until they earn it. 

 

[TranquilMind]

It is absolutely reasonable to not want a man to help you go to the bathroom.

 

We are paying for a service.  These people earn a living because we pay them.  Do not start settling for things you don't want.

 

We are forced to do this in so many areas.  Cable companies are awful.  Some cell providers are awful and charge too much too (Verizon). 

 

Utility companies could not care less about your issues; they will get to you when they get to you and you can suck it, because they have a monopoly.

 

We need to eliminate monopolies. 

[creekland]

Hope you feel well soon. 

 

Thanks.  Getting up and going helps a bit, and ibuprofen and caffeine sure seem to help sometimes.  Nights can get difficult if I sleep wrong.  I haven't figured out what "wrong" is yet or how to actually fix that when I'm sleeping.   :glare:

 

The cats try to help.  They insist on their needs getting met which gets me up and going.   :lol:

 

I've tried to stay silent when these comments of I-just-would-have-done-it-myself crop up.

 

I cannot express strongly enough how much every staff person insisted that I NOT get up on my own. It's All ABOUT LAWYERS and they've been taught to keep certain patients in bed, but also: if you fall, there's a strong chance nobody will get back to you for a good hour or more.

 

So you could be putting yourself into a world of hurt -- and hurting your surgery -- by "just doing it myself."

 

Also, I had leg things attached to my legs that are meant to prevent blood clots. Those leg things are attached to the bed and an electrical thing. With the incision in my stomach, I couldn't bend in the right place to see how to get those things off.

 

But my biggest point: the nurses and their helpers were not friendly. They would have come UNGLUED if they'd found me trudging to the bathroom on my own. Unglued is putting it mildly.

 

Please stop acting like I'm too dependent or something. Easy words to say that you'd do it yourself, but not with my RN you wouldn't have. (And please don't think I didn't think about doing it myself b/c I did.)

 

...

 

Even when we disagree and get cranky: I love you guys.

 

Alley

 

:grouphug:

 

FWIW, I don't think anyone on here is even remotely trying to put you or your situation down.  We're all musing the situation adding in our own personalities.  

 

I know a snippy RN or someone who would come unglued at me is NOT going to get cooperation from me.  It's the way I've been since birth (ask my folks).  I really have to work at playing nicely with some people (esp those who feel they are "in charge,") and in a state like you were in, that's just not going to happen.

 

It doesn't mean you are weak, dependent, or wrong.  Logically, it makes you far better TBH.  My natural response is more of a character flaw than anything honorable.  It's something I've worked on since my teen years (when I discovered working with people had advantages) and I've come a long way, but when under stress, it's just plain tough or impossible to do right vs impulse.  I try to avoid those situations whenever possible.

 

This flaw has its advantages in other areas of life.  I suspect it's why I get along so well with pretty much all teens at the high school where I work.  I can understand those who have difficulty with "the system" and come up with methods that work to get things accomplished.

 

But in a hospital situation like you've been in, it certainly isn't a plus.  I can't even handle outpatient surgery with following all the directions.  I admire those who can.

 

And I'm sending best wishes for a complete and uneventful recovery for you!

[TranquilMind]

Thanks.  Getting up and going helps a bit, and ibuprofen and caffeine sure seem to help sometimes.  Nights can get difficult if I sleep wrong.  I haven't figured out what "wrong" is yet or how to actually fix that when I'm sleeping.   :glare:

 

The cats try to help.  They insist on their needs getting met which gets me up and going.   :lol:

 

 

:grouphug:

 

FWIW, I don't think anyone on here is even remotely trying to put you or your situation down.  We're all musing the situation adding in our own personalities.  

 

I know a snippy RN or someone who would come unglued at me is NOT going to get cooperation from me.  It's the way I've been since birth (ask my folks).  I really have to work at playing nicely with some people (esp those who feel they are "in charge,") and in a state like you were in, that's just not going to happen.

 

It doesn't mean you are weak, dependent, or wrong.  Logically, it makes you far better TBH.  My natural response is more of a character flaw than anything honorable.  It's something I've worked on since my teen years (when I discovered working with people had advantages) and I've come a long way, but when under stress, it's just plain tough or impossible to do right vs impulse.  I try to avoid those situations whenever possible.

 

This flaw has its advantages in other areas of life.  I suspect it's why I get along so well with pretty much all teens at the high school where I work.  I can understand those who have difficulty with "the system" and come up with methods that work to get things accomplished.

 

But in a hospital situation like you've been in, it certainly isn't a plus.  I can't even handle outpatient surgery with following all the directions.  I admire those who can.

 

And I'm sending best wishes for a complete and uneventful recovery for you!

Well, I DO follow the outpatient directions because I never want to see those people again!  ;)

[Mbelle]

I am gobsmacked that anyone in 2016 thinks gender and competence are in any way related. Good grief. It doesn't matter how much you pay for your premiums. You don't get to select health care providers with your preferred physical characteristics because you have some messed up idea that men/women are somehow incompetent. 

 

Why shouldn't I get to pick my gender?  

Seriously, in 2016 people are not doing concerts (Bruce) because they believe that one should be allowed to pick their gender.

Doesn't that go both ways?  

[BarbecueMom]

Dont cry! The point is that everyone being treated by a niquabi WOULD be looking them full in the face.

It wouldn't bother me, but if a female patient had a male relative as their support, would he have to leave the room when the nurse came in? When DH had back surgery last month, I watched and talked to the nurses so I could make sure I knew what I was doing when we got home (wound care, meds, PT, how to get in or out of bed, etc.). If I were the patient, I'd want DH in there whenever the nurse was to learn what he needed to do later on.

[Alicia64]

Why shouldn't I get to pick my gender?  

Seriously, in 2016 people are not doing concerts (Bruce) because they believe that one should be allowed to pick their gender.

Doesn't that go both ways?  

 

Exactly. Gender matters and I can prove it: they didn't sign Janie Depp -- and make a bajillion dollars -- to play Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean.

 

Only Mr. Yummy could handle that role.

 

Alley

[Alicia64]

Thanks.  Getting up and going helps a bit, and ibuprofen and caffeine sure seem to help sometimes.  Nights can get difficult if I sleep wrong.  I haven't figured out what "wrong" is yet or how to actually fix that when I'm sleeping.   :glare:

 

The cats try to help.  They insist on their needs getting met which gets me up and going.   :lol:

 

 

:grouphug:

 

FWIW, I don't think anyone on here is even remotely trying to put you or your situation down.  We're all musing the situation adding in our own personalities.  

 

I know a snippy RN or someone who would come unglued at me is NOT going to get cooperation from me.  It's the way I've been since birth (ask my folks).  I really have to work at playing nicely with some people (esp those who feel they are "in charge,") and in a state like you were in, that's just not going to happen.

 

It doesn't mean you are weak, dependent, or wrong.  Logically, it makes you far better TBH.  My natural response is more of a character flaw than anything honorable.  It's something I've worked on since my teen years (when I discovered working with people had advantages) and I've come a long way, but when under stress, it's just plain tough or impossible to do right vs impulse.  I try to avoid those situations whenever possible.

 

This flaw has its advantages in other areas of life.  I suspect it's why I get along so well with pretty much all teens at the high school where I work.  I can understand those who have difficulty with "the system" and come up with methods that work to get things accomplished.

 

But in a hospital situation like you've been in, it certainly isn't a plus.  I can't even handle outpatient surgery with following all the directions.  I admire those who can.

 

And I'm sending best wishes for a complete and uneventful recovery for you!

 

I'm certain that I'm fairly sensitive right now, but thank you so much for these words. You'll never know how much they mean.

 

Alley

[Guest]

It wouldn't bother me, but if a female patient had a male relative as their support, would he have to leave the room when the nurse came in? When DH had back surgery last month, I watched and talked to the nurses so I could make sure I knew what I was doing when we got home (wound care, meds, PT, how to get in or out of bed, etc.). If I were the patient, I'd want DH in there whenever the nurse was to learn what he needed to do later on.

Surely not. Lets find an American who has been put in this position and ask them.

[heartlikealion]

For your tuckus they should have given a second gown to wear backward!

 

This. I don't know if you have to ask, but I ended up getting a second gown when I had dd. And boy was I glad I did because this male pediatrician I'd never met gave me no time to react when he came by to check on the baby and I was standing with my back to the door changing her diaper.

Edited April 9, 2016 by heartlikealion

[Mona100]

Thanks City! I couldn't actually do this on my own b/c I had some things on my legs to prevent blood clots that had to be disconnected.

 

Or I would have done what your mom did!!!

 

There was a lot of rudeness. Where do you report stuff like this? The surgeon is a rock star in his field, but I don't want to take up my precious time w/ him talking about the hosp. staff.

 

Two nurses were even rude to a retired physical therapist who had taken some shits to allow younger PTs to take Spring Break off. She could have been over 70 and was very nice and they were rude to her.

 

Alley

 

 

You will get a survey in the mail in the next couple of days. This is where you can tell what happened. If you want to talk to someone, there are patient advocates in every hospital. They also take care of situations like this. Hospitals live and die by those in patient surveys. The results they get determines how much pay out they get from the government and now private insurance. The more complaints they get the hospital will be forced to hire more staff and retrain the current staff in customer service. 

I just went thru a hospital orientation and they were really really really stressing that part of everyone's jobs regardless of department is about customer service. 

Let the hospital know. Don't be silent. 

[heartlikealion]

What is this talk about patient advocate and letter in the mail? I don't think I've ever been offered a survey. I am thinking this is based on location.

[marbel]

What is this talk about patient advocate and letter in the mail? I don't think I've ever been offered a survey. I am thinking this is based on location.

 

I get a survey any time I have any interaction with the hospital or anything in their system - lab test, ultrasound, etc. 

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Exactly. Gender matters and I can prove it: they didn't sign Janie Depp -- and make a bajillion dollars -- to play Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean.

 

Only Mr. Yummy could handle that role.

 

Alley

Really?

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Why shouldn't I get to pick my gender?

Seriously, in 2016 people are not doing concerts (Bruce) because they believe that one should be allowed to pick their gender.

Doesn't that go both ways?

I fully support you if you want to transition to being male.

[heartlikealion]

I get a survey any time I have any interaction with the hospital or anything in their system - lab test, ultrasound, etc. 

 

I don't think I've ever seen one, or I'm just really unobservant. Ds and dd both used the ER within like the past 6 months, too. 

[Butter]

Exactly. Gender matters and I can prove it: they didn't sign Janie Depp -- and make a bajillion dollars -- to play Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean.

 

Only Mr. Yummy could handle that role.

 

No.  Had Jack Sparrow been Jane Sparrow from the start, you could be claiming that only so-and-so female actor could hand that role because the character would be female.

 

More importantly, however, is that this is about medical care, not an actor filling a role of a character of a particular gender.  Males and females can both be nurses or CNAs or doctors and be equally competent.  Gender makes *no* difference in their performance of their duties.  Just because more females become nurses it does NOT make females more competent nurses.

[goldberry]

I wouldn't have a problem with the male nurse, but I think it's totally okay that someone would.

 

Patients at a hospital are at their worst and their most vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. In a healthcare environment, part of competence is being able to treat the patient with kindness and respect.  It is an important part of their role, and if they can't deliver that then they don't belong in the field.   

[fraidycat]

To answer the question in your title... Yes, I believe you are too picky.

 

The nurse should not have been rude to you. That is a valid. BUT, she is also human, and was expected to meet an unreasonable expectation, in the middle of the night. I'd extend grace. You have zero idea what else the RN was dealing with that night - maybe she just lost a patient 5 minutes before entering your room - you just don't know. Try putting yourself in her shoes for a few minutes. If the CNA is employed by the hospital, it is to do a job. He is trained in that job. Walking someone to the toilet is a $25,000 position. It is not the $75,000 position. Egads. Medical care is pricey enough. Complaints should be made when there are Medical mistakes made. Life or death issues. Or for a pattern of bad behavior. Complaining about A single interaction with a person who experienced a temporary case of human emotions is way over the top.

 

I don't know about you, but in my role as "professional" caregiver - A.K.A. Mom - I am sometimes less than perfectly well mannered - i.e. Rude and snippy with my kids. Sometimes it is because they have completely ignored the presence of their father - an available male, completely capable of meeting their needs, and requesting that I, the female, stop what I am doing to comply with their request.

Edited April 9, 2016 by fraidycat

[SharonM]

I had a fairly bad experience a few years ago when I was in the hospital overnight. Our hmo send out a how did we do form and I told them. I didnt know the nurses name that left me covered in vomit while she went looking for someone to come and clean me up..... but I told on her. date, time and floor and room i was in. I dont know what happened after that but I felt good getting it off my chest to hopefully someone who had the power to do more than just say, "thats awful!"

Sorry for you bad experience, I know its not fun lying there flat on your back and no one to help...

 

P.S. I dont care for male nurses caring for me during my hospital stays(mostly gyno) but, men have had to deal with women nurses for years.... I guess that its time we "woman " up....