These SAHM-HS mom- working mom..money threads make me sad

[Sharon77]

You know what grieves me the most about these threads?

 

I have educated my children from preschool to college, getting them tens of thousands of $$ in scholarship money and admittance into elite schools.

 

My husband and I would have sent our kids to private schools for sure if we didn't hs.

My entire family knows my worth, needs me and praises me. No one could pay me enough to do for them what I do for my family...

 

Yet, if I want to find a job, the world says I'm worth $7 an hour :(

[bettyandbob]

Yes, but it's basically starting a new career. With homeschooling you work yourself out of the job. You don't move up the career ladder to management or CEO.

 

When you start a new career you get new training and start at the beginning. If you are lucky you can use experiences in the previous career (HS) to move faster through the career path.

[JoJosMom]

Not necessarily.  You may not have the resume required by a large, bureaucratic corporation or the government, but you do have the skills valued by small business.  (I'm thinking here of the officer manager at my parent's business who went from housewife to Queen of Everything and was very well compensated as a result.) I do agree, however, that finding those positions is more difficult. 

 

I'm sorry that you're grieving, OP.  :sad:

[Crimson Wife]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Our economy stinks for a lot of people but especially "relaunchers".

 

I'm having to go back to school for a graduate degree (praying for scholarships) in order to make the same as what I earned when I quit my last paid position in '05. Only because of inflation, it'll actually have less purchasing power.

 

If I had to go back today, I'd be lucky to make half of that.

[Chris in VA]

I guess it depends what you want to go into.

Certainly, you could tutor, and make 8 times that much.

But, if it's not what you want to do, then you'll have to market the heck out of yourself.

[Arcadia]

Freelance tutoring pays well here per hour but income is less stable, easily $50-100/hrs here. Private schools will hire without teaching credentials. My neighbor teach English at a private Christian high school and is happy with the stable income and breaks.

 

If I had to go back today, I'd be lucky to make half of that.

Companies would be happy to pay what I earn in '04. My hubby had the same basic pay as me, similar job, and now his basic pay is doubled and bonus are decent.

[Seasider]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Our economy stinks for a lot of people but especially "relaunchers".

 

I'm having to go back to school for a graduate degree (praying for scholarships) in order to make the same as what I earned when I quit my last paid position in '05. Only because of inflation, it'll actually have less purchasing power.

 

If I had to go back today, I'd be lucky to make half of that.

 

I am completely willing to relaunch, retrain, relearn, start at an entry level wage. The biggest challenge at this stage of my life is feeling strongly that this effort should be invested in a field I feel strongly committed to and inspired to work in, rather than just something for a paycheck. In my shoes, that means going back for a couple of years of higher education. Seeing that I'm still financing the education of my own kids, there's not enough available funds for my full pursuit. It's truly discouraging. I can do it in bits and pieces, but if I dwell on the slow pace, I get discouraged.  

[SKL]

I've made less than $7/hour many years, despite having multiple post-college professional credentials and no gap in working.

 

I don't measure my personal worth based on the amount of cash I bring in.  That would be depressing, but knowing I am contributing on various levels is rewarding.

[Crimson Wife]

I am completely willing to relaunch, retrain, relearn, start at an entry level wage. The biggest challenge at this stage of my life is feeling strongly that this effort should be invested in a field I feel strongly committed to and inspired to work in, rather than just something for a paycheck. In my shoes, that means going back for a couple of years of higher education. Seeing that I'm still financing the education of my own kids, there's not enough available funds for my full pursuit. It's truly discouraging. I can do it in bits and pieces, but if I dwell on the slow pace, I get discouraged.  

 

I definitely hear you on the bolded. The main impetus for me going back to school is because I feel God is calling me to fill a need in the community.

 

It's just discouraging that it will take earning that graduate degree to get back to where I was financially a decade ago.

[Mom22ns]

Freelance tutoring pays well here per hour but income is less stable, easily $50-100/hrs here. Private schools will hire without teaching credentials. My neighbor teach English at a private Christian high school and is happy with the stable income and breaks.

 

:w00t:

 

Here tutoring pays $10-25/hr. I do tutor some, both in person and online. It isn't particularly lucrative, but I enjoy it. I don't like the hours of most tutoring, evening and weekends, so I prefer to take lower paid online tutoring and work my preferred hours.

Edited March 25, 2016 by Momto2Ns

[Arcadia]

Here tutoring pays $10-25/hr.

Home prices and rents are also crazy high. Some freelance tutors are vendors for charters and work in the late mornings and early afternoons.

Here if a tutor has a good track record, parents don't care about the lack of teaching qualifications. Most tutors go by word of mouth and tutor at the library so no worries about liability or harassment.

 

There is a bill to raise state minimum wage to $15.

 

Your rate would be a group rate here where the tutor would be tutoring at least two, usually 3-5 kids here afterschool (after 2~3pm depending on middle or high school).

 

I could tutor my neighbor's kids at the library while my kids read at a nearby table, but I'm not interested.

[G5052]

:w00t:

 

Here tutoring pays $10-25/hr. I do tutor some, both in person and online. It isn't particularly lucrative, but I enjoy it. I don't like the hours of most tutoring, evening and weekends, so I prefer to take lower paid online tutoring and work my preferred hours.

 

Yes, and several national franchises moved into my area, so that shot the private tutoring market. Parents can pay a few hundred a month and get two or three times a week in small groups versus once a week one-on-one. The franchises are winning right now. Tutors I know who used to charge $50/hour aren't getting that any more.

 

If you work for one of the franchises, you start at $10-12/hour for evening and weekend work for maybe 10 hours a week. At that level, it wasn't worth it to me.

[gardenmom5]

I took my estranged brother to lunch on wednesday for his birthday. (it will be a long time before I do that again.) he thinks if you only have worth if you are deeply immersed in hard science (I think it's a reflection of his own insecurities). . . . . yeah, he's still a mysoginist.

 

glad I married my dh.  who after 30 years, still tells me I have the most important job and he just earns money to pay for what I do.

[gardenmom5]

here - (expensive cola) how much a tutor makes depends upon the subject and the level.

 

through an agency - six years ago 2dd was paid $21 hr by the agency per private student.    dd had a couple students she  got on her own, and kept for a couple years while she was working on her doc. 

 

last I checked here a private tutor (not through an agency which takes a big cut) can make $40 an hour.  

 

 

Edited March 25, 2016 by gardenmom5

[bettyandbob]

Where I live if you can tutor upper level math you can charge $80/hr +. I know a private school teacher who says he makes more money tutoring, teaching covers his health ins.

 

Foreign language would be a little less.

 

Specialized reading ( certified Orton Gillingham or some other cert) could be more.

 

General elementary, middle school and other high school would be 35-50.

 

Other areas to consider are ADD/organizational tutoring and life coaching. These usually require certification, but it it's an area of interest it could be worth pursuing.

[Arcadia]

If you work for one of the franchises, you start at $10-12/hour for evening and weekend work for maybe 10 hours a week. At that level, it wasn't worth it to me.

Sylan and Huntington aren't as popular as they were here. Some have closed. When we check out the rates at Sylan, we could hire a teacher as a LA tutor for the same rates and the tutor would be happier.

[JessReplanted]

You know what grieves me the most about these threads?

 

I have educated my children from preschool to college, getting them tens of thousands of $$ in scholarship money and admittance into elite schools.

 

My husband and I would have sent our kids to private schools for sure if we didn't hs.

My entire family knows my worth, needs me and praises me. No one could pay me enough to do for them what I do for my family...

 

Yet, if I want to find a job, the world says I'm worth $7 an hour :(

 

I can't "Like" this, but yes, I agree.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I am right there with you.  I have a 20 year old degree in engineering that wouldn't amount to a hill of beans in today's industry.  I have no idea what to do with myself now that I am sending off my second to college, and my youngest will likely go to school next year.  

[abcmommy]

You know what grieves me the most about these threads?

 

I have educated my children from preschool to college, getting them tens of thousands of $$ in scholarship money and admittance into elite schools.

 

My husband and I would have sent our kids to private schools for sure if we didn't hs.

My entire family knows my worth, needs me and praises me. No one could pay me enough to do for them what I do for my family...

 

Yet, if I want to find a job, the world says I'm worth $7 an hour :(

When a husband dumps you after abusing you for 19 years and you get to contemplate life in your van...

 

It is not pretty.  

 

I relate to what you have said.

 

 

Edited March 26, 2016 by abcmommy

[EMS83]

God willing I'll be able to retire from homeschooling and go straight into retirement hobby mode and just build stuff and raise critters.  We'll see, though!

[Arcadia]

I have a 20 year old degree in engineering that wouldn't amount to a hill of beans in today's industry.

Hubby's dept hired a U of Waterloo fresh EE grad recently. Which engin were you from? Those that don't require professional engineers are easier for re-entry.

[Guest]

It might have been good for me to have kept my hand in a little more in the field I left, but it would have to have been freelance and so on...and that takes a certain amount of marketing.  I *certainly* could not have kept up on the technology...even if I had worked full time.  We're OK financially, but I wonder if it would have helped with the feeling of being cut adrift when the homeschooling gig ended.  

 

I don't stew over this, just sort of muse on it, and not that much.  It's more about my learning that I could have kept a more open mind than I did--and maybe learning a little lesson from that.  

 

Of course, it is hard to remember all the conditions that made me choose the way I did...so I can't really call it a "mistake" in any way.  And I'm glad for every minute I had with my kid.

 

Well, maybe 95% of the minutes.

[StephanieZ]

Word!

 

DD#1 has a National Merit Scholarship package from Univ of Alabama, including *5* yrs tuition (which will allow her to get her BS & MS), 1 year housing, and several thousands of "extras". Package well over 120k in value. Note, we are in a very high tax bracket with no educational deductions available, etc. That 120k+ would have been all after tax money. So, we'd have had to earn at least 220k to cover it. 

 

DS#2 got very high PSAT score this year, and so we are expecting another national merit scholar, with comparable (or better) scholarship package at the school he chooses. 

 

DD#3 is so smart I don't know what to do with her, and without doubt will follow in her siblings footsteps.

 

I admit that my kids came into the world with genetic advantages and have had healthy environments. Many of these advantages would have been theirs even if I'd been working and they'd been in schools.  But, I have to take *some* credit for educating them well. 

 

So, I expect that all three of my kids should get through college, probably all to out of state colleges for that classic college experience, pretty much paid for without much pinching around here and with no debt. That is profoundly incredible financially to us. 

 

So, if we round off to 600k of earnings that those three (assumed) scholarship packages replace . . . That's pretty significant for a non working parent. 

 

 

And what about the month long fall beach trips with the kids for the last decade . . . And the ability to play with Daddy during any/all convenient times that fit into his intense work schedule? He worked 80-100 hr/wk for several years while our business was getting settled/started, and I don't think the kids ever noticed an absence because he was able to spend quality time with them for a couple hours every evening and any/all times off during the week and weekends. If I'd been working and the kids in school, there would not have been a way for him to spend quality time with them during those years. So, since he is a good human being and loves his kids, he'd have had to make compromises at work . . . likely decreasing *his* earning power, which by far dwarfs mine. So, yes, my support at home allowed him to work his *ass* off for years while still maintaining an involved, active life with his kids, maximize the quality of his family time . . . maximize the quantity of family time by "making go away" the daily chores that could have sucked up his precious family hours . . .

 

Life is complicated. 

 

I'm very happy with the choices we have made. I do not believe for a moment that me staying at home (primarily -- I have worked at times in our business to varying degrees) has made us poorer --- not financially, not relationally, not in any way.

 

 

 

 

[Danestress]

You are of incalculable worth. You know that and your family knows that.

 

However, I tell my children that they need to be able to make a living, and the way you do that is by figuring out what you can do, and are able and willing to do, that people are willing to pay for. It has nothing really to do with an individual person's worth. It's just about earning potential.

 

I made choices in my life that have seriously impacted my ability to do things that people are willing to pay for. I don't regret those choices. I feel very privileged to have had those choices. I didn't homeschool so that I could make money. I guess I couldn't have homeschooled without my husband making enough money for us to live on, but within the range of choices available to me, I made my choices and I have to live with those choices now. I am back working, and learning, and enjoying it. But I understand that I made choices that impact not only my earning potential, but the experience and knowledge I can bring to the job. So of course I make less.

 

My guess is that you don't value someone more if they make $120 an hour than if they make $7. So why are you doing that to yourself?

Edited March 25, 2016 by Danestress

[GinaPagnato]

Wait til your husband dumps you after abusing you for 19 years and you get to contemplate life in your van.

 

It is not pretty

 

Aw, honey, I'm so sorry...

 

:(   :grouphug:

 

[StephanieZ]

nm 

 

Edited March 26, 2016 by Susan Wise Bauer
That was mean.

[Mom22ns]

If you work for one of the franchises, you start at $10-12/hour for evening and weekend work for maybe 10 hours a week. At that level, it wasn't worth it to me.

 

I know college students working at a tutoring franchise for minimum wage. Even the franchises only charge $15/hr here which totally kills pay for private tutors.

 

I am in a low cost of living area, but still.

[Mom22ns]

Wait til your husband dumps you after abusing you for 19 years and you get to contemplate life in your van.

 

It is not pretty

 

:grouphug:

[MomatHWTK]

These two sites allow you to submit a writing sample, received a ranking and then work:

Great Content

Constant Content 

 

There are other sites that allow you to bid on jobs. If you have a skill set or degree in a particular area, finding jobs is easier. If you know how to write in APA format, proofread academic work or can write 5000 words or more on a topic all the better. For example, I know a client who needs someone who knows how to buy a sewing machine and can write. 

 

Some sites offer upgrades to your membership once you join, but the initial sign up is free. I don't recommend paying for any of the upgrades unless you are already making money and are sure they can be useful to you. I do recommend that you seek out forums or resource pages to read about scam clients and pitfalls before starting at a bid-based site. I have worked for greatcontent.com, the jobs aren't great but the site is legitimate- just make sure you are visiting the US version, not the UK one.  

 

Amazon has its HIT program as well. 

 

Another place to look if you have an unused area of expertise would be Help a Reporter Out or HERO. 

 

Edited March 26, 2016 by MomatHWTK

[2squared]

You are of incalculable worth. You know that and your family knows that.

 

However, I tell my children that they need to be able to make a living, and the way you do that is by figuring out what you can do, and are able and willing to do, that people are willing to pay for. It has nothing really to do with an individual person's worth. It's just about earning potential.

 

My guess is that you don't value someone more if they make $120 an hour than if they make $7. So why are you doing that to yourself?

 

Many people are underpaid given their skills, talents, and education.  Many other people are underpaid given their contribution to society.  Others are underpaid given the physical natures of their jobs.

 

Unfortunately, making a living isn't just about having skill, talent, or contributing.  It is all about figuring out what skills and talents employers value and are willing to pay for....and if you want to make a decent wage, you have to have skills and talents that employers are willing to pay high rates for.  I have many talents that are not worth much to an employer but help my family immensely.  I dearly wish I could get paid decently for maintaining a home because I love it and I'm darn good at it! I would go back to SAH in a heartbeat!!!

 

In our family, my husband is an attorney.  I have an four year accounting degree, and even after homeschooling for 8 years, I was able to walk back into a career making more than my husband.  I will make 65%-70% of our income this year.  My heart is at home, but our financial security requires me to work full-time. Some days I'm disappointed that I have in-demand skills.  :(

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Hubby's dept hired a U of Waterloo fresh EE grad recently. Which engin were you from? Those that don't require professional engineers are easier for re-entry.

 

I got my BS in Mechanical Engineering in 1996.  I just imagine that everything I learned is either obsolete or forgotten.  I haven't tried, though.  Who knows, maybe my general knowledge and organizational skills would be recognized.  Then, maybe I could remember all the stuff I've forgotten.

[Arcadia]

I got my BS in Mechanical Engineering in 1996. I just imagine that everything I learned is either obsolete or forgotten.

Not true. Hubby's dept does a lot of material science (silicon wafers) so they take people from EE and ME. Mine is in CE but the visualization/finite element modelling portion haven't change much from when I graduated in 1997.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Not true. Hubby's dept does a lot of material science (silicon wafers) so they take people from EE and ME. Mine is in CE but the visualization/finite element modelling portion haven't change much from when I graduated in 1997.

 

 

Materials Science was my favorite aspect of ME.  That's good to know.  Thanks.

[BlsdMama]

You know what grieves me the most about these threads?

 

I have educated my children from preschool to college, getting them tens of thousands of $$ in scholarship money and admittance into elite schools.

 

My husband and I would have sent our kids to private schools for sure if we didn't hs.

My entire family knows my worth, needs me and praises me. No one could pay me enough to do for them what I do for my family...

 

Yet, if I want to find a job, the world says I'm worth $7 an hour :(

 

Cleaning here pays $9-$10.  Tutoring at a center is $11.  Retail customer service (at a computer handling online orders) is $12 based on your reading/writing skills.  It was a little frustrating and depressing to be honest.   I also realized then that if DH ever dies I'd better make sure that insurance money lasts because I haven't worked long enough to get social security. 

 

And, yes, when I realized that I re-enrolled in school.  No kidding.  

Edited March 26, 2016 by BlsdMama

[Crimson Wife]

Cleaning here pays $9-$10.  Tutoring at a center is $11.  Retail customer service (at a computer handling online orders) is $12 based on your reading/writing skills.  It was a little frustrating and depressing to be honest.   I also realized then that if DH ever dies I'd better make sure that insurance money lasts because I haven't worked long enough to get social security. 

 

And, yes, when I realized that I re-enrolled in school.  No kidding.  

 

If you've been married more than 10 years, you will automatically qualify for spousal benefits through your DH. Even if God forbid you were to divorce you'd still get it based on his earnings.

 

Spousal benefits are capped at a lower level (half?) but they do provide some basic level of protection for SAH spouses.

 

[EmilyGF]

You know what grieves me the most about these threads?

 

I have educated my children from preschool to college, getting them tens of thousands of $$ in scholarship money and admittance into elite schools.

 

My husband and I would have sent our kids to private schools for sure if we didn't hs.

My entire family knows my worth, needs me and praises me. No one could pay me enough to do for them what I do for my family...

 

Yet, if I want to find a job, the world says I'm worth $7 an hour :(

You're not worth that much, your marketable skills are worth that much.

And so are the skills of many people who graduate with a PhD in various humanities fields. They may have spent 10+ years getting a degree in order to realize that there are few to no jobs in their field and that they need additional training in order to be employable beyond minimum wage.

 

It isn't about what you know, but about how much what you know is in demand. Which is why a music PhD will not pay as much as a computer science BS (or even a computer science bootcamp program).

 

OTOH, I have a friend who homeschooled her 6 kids very well (scholarship money, etc) and then began working as an admin at an engineering firm before transitioning into working as an engineer. The head of the department that hired her said, "If you can coordinate the education of six kids as well as you did, I am sure you can run my department well." She did, and she made connections and got promotions as time went on. (She had a mathematics BS, though that was decades beforehand.)

 

Emily

[StephanieZ]

Cleaning here pays $9-$10.  Tutoring at a center is $11.  Retail customer service (at a computer handling online orders) is $12 based on your reading/writing skills.  It was a little frustrating and depressing to be honest.   I also realized then that if DH ever dies I'd better make sure that insurance money lasts because I haven't worked long enough to get social security. 

 

And, yes, when I realized that I re-enrolled in school.  No kidding.  

 

Actually, it is my understanding that if you are widowed, you will be eligible for your spouse's entire SS check (once you hit your own full retirement age). 

 

If he dies young, you and your kids are each eligible for survivor's benefits. You can get 75% of his benefit amount as long as you are caring for children under 16. Once you are 60, you are eligible for 71.5% of his benefit, ramping up to 100% your full retirement age.

 

When you hit retirement age, you are eligible fro 50% of his "standard, full" retirement benefit (but not the bonus part that you get if you work a few years longer)

 

So, if his full benefit is $2000/mo, he would get that AND you will get another $1000/mo.

 

(If you are eligible for your own benefits, you get to choose whether to take the spousal or your own, whichever is higher in most cases.)

 

If you divorce, so long as you've been married 10 years and don't remarry (before age 60), you are still entitled to spousal benefits.

 

Check it out. https://www.ssa.gov/planners/survivors/onyourown5.html 

[Crimson Wife]

 I don't think it's sad that homeschool moms are thinking ahead about how to make money. I don't believe my worth resides in a living wage, but the rest of the world sure does, and a living wage,earned by me, is my only hope for dignity in my old age. 

 

Thinking about money, and our economic worth, is something more of us - particularly those of us who can't count on ongoing support from a moderate to high earning partner - should be doing at least part way through our homeschooling career.

 

I don't think it's sad when SAH spouses think about "relaunching" a career and/or earning money if that is what they truly want to do.

 

I think it's sad that too many are forced into it when they don't want to (or sooner than they had planned) by divorce, illness/disability of the spouse, unemployment/underemployment of the spouse, wages that aren't rising as fast as the cost of living, etc. :sad:

 

If I found out that I needed to resume employment ASAP rather than after I've completed my speech and language pathology education & training, it would be sad even though I am preparing for a career relaunch. I want that relaunch to come when I'm ready and not because of some financial crisis.

[Hikin' Mama]

When a husband dumps you after abusing you for 19 years and you get to contemplate life in your van...

 

It is not pretty.

 

I relate to what you have said.

(((Hugs))) abcmommy.

[bettyandbob]

Many of us don't have the luxury of considering what we truly want to do - it's about what we truly need to do.

 

And in cases of an intact partnership/marriage the decision should include consideration of the primary wage earner. It is a lot of pressure to provide everything. Starting back to paid work can help pay off debt, boost retirement savings and many other things. It is not about what one spouse wants to do. It is about what is good for the partnership.

[Guest]

And in cases of an intact partnership/marriage the decision should include consideration of the primary wage earner. It is a lot of pressure to provide everything. Starting back to paid work can help pay off debt, boost retirement savings and many other things. It is not about what one spouse wants to do. It is about what is good for the partnership.

And this is so individual - my spouse never wants me to work or expects me to. He gets kind of annoyed at all the part time stuff I take on. It really varies by couple.

 

The cost of getting me up to snuff for bringing in a decent income isn't worth the outlay or stress, in his mind. I go back and forth as to whether I agree.

Edited March 26, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Jaz]

I still feel grateful that very early in my homeschool career, a discussion on the FIAR forums got me thinking about the need to plan for a post-homeschool life ( which obviously doesn't have to mean paid employment, but does, for a lot of us.)

 

 

I think it was Steve Lambert, actually, who started that discussion. And good on him - it's the best bit of homeschool advice I've ever been given.

 

I was there for that discussion! It was very powerful, and I took it to heart. I started working very, very part-time to build my resume. I'm so grateful, especially as I look at needing to work full-time when my dd graduates.

[Crimson Wife]

And in cases of an intact partnership/marriage the decision should include consideration of the primary wage earner. It is a lot of pressure to provide everything. Starting back to paid work can help pay off debt, boost retirement savings and many other things. It is not about what one spouse wants to do. It is about what is good for the partnership.

Hopefully the couple discussed this issue prior to getting married.

 

I don't have a lot of sympathy for grumbling on the part of the primary breadwinner when he knew that having a SAHP when the children were young was a "dealbreaker" issue and he agreed to it during the required pre-marital counseling. The time to have raised objections was back then, not after the children are already born and the paid position long since quit.

[bettyandbob]

Hopefully the couple discussed this issue prior to getting married.

 

I don't have a lot of sympathy for grumbling on the part of the primary breadwinner when he knew that having a SAHP when the children were young was a "dealbreaker" issue and he agreed to it during the required pre-marital counseling. The time to have raised objections was back then, not after the children are already born and the paid position long since quit.

 

 

What's said prior to marriage/partnership should not be set in stone. Circumstances and needs of both partners change. When I got married jobs (well-paying with chances for advancement) were plentiful and easy to get. In the last 10 years there's been a serious economic down turn and as time passes finding new work is harder with age discrimination. 

 

Being rigid is not helpful to any relationship. 

[eternalsummer]

I feel like there are a lot of things one can do from home to earn $ - not necessarily a full-time salary, or even necessarily a living wage when considered hourly, but enough to help out financially during times when the actual work of housewifery is less.

 

Possibly I am somewhat biased as we run a small business from home and I've made $ from home at this or that for the last decade, but I think there are definitely options for that kind of thing; it also preserves many of the advantages of having one spouse at home.

[tm919]

It is very unfair... I cringe when some families -- who have as a key element of their financial "plan" that the SAHM will go back to work to save money for retirement/pay for college once the children have launched -- dramatically overestimate how much the woman will make early on in the re-launch. I work part-time, but I already see that my career will never be what it would have, if I hadn't gone down to part-time to be home with the kids.

 

On the side topic: Social Security does in fact offer some protection to spouses who stay home, but be very careful when you and your husband claim so that you get the maximum that you can get, if it's possible for your family finances.

[Danestress]

Hopefully the couple discussed this issue prior to getting married.

 

I don't have a lot of sympathy for grumbling on the part of the primary breadwinner when he knew that having a SAHP when the children were young was a "dealbreaker" issue and he agreed to it during the required pre-marital counseling. The time to have raised objections was back then, not after the children are already born and the paid position long since quit.

That one way to look at that. That's not how I see it for myself and my marriage. Premarital counseling was helpful, but I never saw it as a binding contract. Heck, I told him I would never be a SAHM. I held a baby in my arms, and became a different person. He accommodated that different person out of love, kindness, and desire for what now seemed 'best.'

 

He's different too. I absolutely care about his burdens and desires and his happiness, and can't imagine demanding strict compliance with a 'deal' we might have made many years ago when we couldn't anticipate how out lives would unfold. Why would I insist on enforcing decades old agreements that make my husband unhappy?

Edited March 27, 2016 by Danestress

[gardenmom5]

 

Being rigid is not helpful to any relationship. 

ok - apparently, my browser doesn't like emojis and wipes out the entire post.  cry.

 

THIS.

being rigid to any long-terms plans - and heedless of circumstances - can be downright foolish.   circumstances change - both within the family and the community.

there is much truth to the saying:

Life is what happens when you're making other plans.

Edited March 27, 2016 by gardenmom5

[Sharon77]

That's so good to hear. Yes, wasn't it just the best ? Honestly, so grateful to Steve and the wise ladies who continued that discussion - it was a  paradigm shift for me too. 

Would you be able to tell me what they said during this discussion? Or maybe point me to a  website to hear it? Thanks!

[Bluegoat]

It is frustrating.  But it is I think part of a bigger picture.  It kind of sucks that anyone's work, that we need or want done, is so little valued.

 

And it really sucks that the monetary value of work is seen as reflecting it's greater worth or dignity, and that we can't see that there can be other measures of value.

 

One thing I've looked back on in terms of career and considered doing differently is that I think it would have been much better to consider that a skill set that would be more flexible in terms of part time work, taking time off, or self-employment would have been a real bonus, if I had really thought about the effects of staying home with kids for a time.  But it just wasn't something that was ever mentioned in terms of thinking about post-hgh school training and education options.

 

Nor was thinking about what jobs are likely to be available where one wants to live.

 

Advice was so generic about job training in general.