Moxie Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 I don't know why I let it bother me because it is the same every year. One of my boys on the spectrum will get mad/sad on Christmas morning because the magical creature didn't bring every single thing he wanted for Christmas. Every year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Even if everything was gotten, it's just such an overwhelming day that *something* will happen. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Last night at my cousin's, the most obvious spectrum kid was upset about something. My spectrum kid was upset at having to share the Xbox. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) I have special needs DC. It's always hard. And it's a bummer. Edited December 25, 2015 by Diana P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 (hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) This year was better. But he is turning 18 in a few weeks. 2 years ago he got so angry he opened each gift and told us why it wasn't right. UGH! Edited December 25, 2015 by DawnM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 This is my issue. I need to lower my expectations. There is nothing I can do to prevent this. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) When it became a problem, we put an end to the surprise nature of the gifts. At the height we talked through the wish list, made decisions, shopped together, wrapped together, and stored them in the kiddo's closet. IMO, there's no reason to continue with surprises when it just causes great anxiety. Edited December 25, 2015 by Pippen 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 When it became a problem, we put an end to the surprise nature of the gifts. At the height we talked through the wish list, made decisions, shopped together, wrapped together, and stored them in the kiddo's closet. IMO, there's no reason to continue with surprises when it just causes great anxiety. Except that he still believes in Santa and has siblings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 What if you just shopped together ahead of time, so that he knows exactly what he is getting for 90% of the gifts? The siblings could participate in the shopping process with him, and Santa would just have one surprise to spring on him. (I do this with my entire family--it reduces my stress considerably, and we actually enjoy pulling the items on the lists up online and browsing for the exact one, the perfect color, etc. We do it early to make sure everything comes in, and the anticipation comes from waiting for the day that we get to unwrap our chosen presents. Maybe not very exciting, but it helps so much to have a relaxed, uneventful time at home before we have to go out to more stimulating events at grandparent's houses.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minerva Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Hugs! (And this is why we don't do Santa, have few if any surprise gifts, and work to limit sensory issues. A typical Christmas was a disaster here the first few years we tried.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Yep! I get it. The entire 2 weeks before Christmas has my daughter on edge. All the lights, sounds, scents....she loves it all.... and it all overwhelms her on a daily basis. It is a love/hate relationship around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Ds is always ok with what he gets but it's the anticipation that's the problem. He has trouble sleeping, he tics a lot, can't focus, etc. It was so bad this year that we had to give him his most wanted gift on the 23rd. (We do gifts on the 24th.) On Christmas eve we told him that we would do gifts before dinner, but my annoying brother-in-law announced that the kids could have one gift and the rest had to wait. The tone he used was very authoritarian, which upset my son a lot and he went to his room and didn't want to eat dinner. We decided we weren't going to serve dinner until he was able to eat it with us. It all worked out in the end, but I'm getting a bit tired of bil trying to take charge of things in our house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eliz Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Hugs. My spectrum kid has been obsessing about every little detail of life for two weeks and throwing the tantrums to go with the obsessions. My incredibly sensory, PTSD kid has been having night terrors every night and more tantrums every day than usual. This was capped off by an hour of screaming this morning because he kept jumping in present-opening line, so he ran out of gifts well before his brothers did. Oh, he just discovered that the bedroom door was closed and dropped to the floor in agony and despair. I'm tired! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 :grouphug: It's just a lot for someone who lacks flexibility/regulation/what have you to handle. Mine has a lot of trouble too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Ds is always ok with what he gets but it's the anticipation that's the problem. He has trouble sleeping, he tics a lot, can't focus, etc. It was so bad this year that we had to give him his most wanted gift on the 23rd. (We do gifts on the 24th.) On Christmas eve we told him that we would do gifts before dinner, but my annoying brother-in-law announced that the kids could have one gift and the rest had to wait. The tone he used was very authoritarian, which upset my son a lot and he went to his room and didn't want to eat dinner. We decided we weren't going to serve dinner until he was able to eat it with us. It all worked out in the end, but I'm getting a bit tired of bil trying to take charge of things in our house. Do you or your dh call out your BIL immediately when he tries to take charge? Would cutting him off and telling him that you are going to do things your way make it easier on your ds? I wouldn't let BIL get away with upsetting your son. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Do you or your dh call out your BIL immediately when he tries to take charge? Would cutting him off and telling him that you are going to do things your way make it easier on your ds? I wouldn't let BIL get away with upsetting your son. Yeah, call him on it. Good grief. I'd have a word and say that things can change to suit everyone if need be, but no last minute changes. You need plenty of time to prep your ds. Like weeks, not minutes. I don't have a spectrum kid. Hugs to all for whom the holiday was rough. The lead up was tough for my anxious kid, but the day was great. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 When it became a problem, we put an end to the surprise nature of the gifts. At the height we talked through the wish list, made decisions, shopped together, wrapped together, and stored them in the kiddo's closet. IMO, there's no reason to continue with surprises when it just causes great anxiety. Yup, this. It was hard for me, because I love surprises. But he hates them, and I need to realize that. When we stopped doing a lot of surprises it was so much better. He tells us what he wants, if we can't do something we tell him ahead of time. Many years he got mostly gift cards or money. I HATE that, but it made him happy. We also limit how long we are with extended family, as he couldn't handle it for days on end. Also to give you hope he's 16 and got some surprises and had a GREAT Christmas for the second year in a row. After many miserable, meltdown, embarassing years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Can you say that Santa can only do one gift, per kid, because he has to get stuff for so many kids this year? Population is increasing, after all. So what ONE gift does he want from Santa? Then get him that one gift? And everything else if from mom/dad siblings and can be off a list he makes, with you ahead of time explaining if something is too expensive, unavailable, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 When it became a problem, we put an end to the surprise nature of the gifts. At the height we talked through the wish list, made decisions, shopped together, wrapped together, and stored them in the kiddo's closet. IMO, there's no reason to continue with surprises when it just causes great anxiety. Another thing is that we don't do naughty/nice stuff. Santa loves being a blessing to kids and does his best to give what they want. Even with "yes you'll get what you want" and "Santa won't punish you for your meltdowns" we still had a few really loud moments. It was bound to happen. He's trying to build legos while a 1 yr old is screeching and trying to mow everything down with his new ball popper, and right on the other side is a preschooler with a yapping play chihuahua. It's beyond overwhelming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemongoose Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 I feel for you all! Ours went smoothly this year as he got one item he REALLY wanted and nobody got any electronic toys that are noisy. Also, the extended family went elsewhere this year, so no big noisy bash either. That helped it to be really pleasant. However, when the extended family returns, we are having the big noisy bash...so my time of exhaustion and outburst assistance is coming! Especially if he receives only clothing and no legos and says something. I try to tell them every year, but they would rather be offended then listen to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Next Christmas, possibly if you talk with him, a day or 2 before, about what is going to happen, his behavior night be better? I do not think this is a comparison to what you described, but this week I saw an "Extra" about a program of I believe, the University of Miami and MIA (Miami International Airport), for children with Autism who are going to fly. Before their trip, a day or 2 before, or more than that, they can go to the airport and make a "dry run", experiencing the Check In, Security, Boarding the aircraft, etc., so that when the day for travel comes, it isn't so overwhelming. How you might be able to do that, before Christmas, to improve your sons behavior, I don't know... GL 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Don't know if this is helpful, because every spectrum kid can be so different. Here, we spent a lot of time talking about how our lists were for giving Santa ideas. They were not specific wish lists or demands. You could feel free to write "heated, inground pool with color changing waterfall", and maybe Santa might be able to surprise you with a really cool sprinkler for the summer or neat bath toys for year round because he knows you like to play in the water, but he is not beholden to run heavy machinery through the backyard on Christmas Eve. These days, I'm lucky if my now-17yo gives me 2 or 3 ideas. @@ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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