How do you feel about aging?

[8circles]

I think being worried about your age is like fretting over winter coming every year.  It's coming, better make the best of it.  I don't "like" aging necessarily - weight gain, skin/hair changes, etc.  But I'm still *me* and it isn't so bad.  There are some perks.  I'm more comfortable in my skin.  I'm more sure of myself, even though some things are uncertain or scary.

[Guest]

A friend of mine died in her late 60s when I was in my early 20s.  She had said she never wanted to be a very old woman.  That sort of scandalized me in my 20s...but now that i"m pushing 60 and seeing some of the results of aging in my parents and their friends...I have more sympathy with the statement.  Alas, I think she meant 70 or 80 as the upper limit; bone cancer got her.

 

Me, I don't know.  i guess we take what we are given.  I'm finding that I was much more OK with it in theory than I am in fact.  LOL.  But I'd rather be alive than not, too.  

 

[Laura Corin]

 

And I definitely concur with maize and SKL that thinking of "aging" at 40 or 50 is different than thinking of it at 80+, or whenever significant disability / death of peers / financial concerns kick in.  Those concerns loom large.

 

Definitely.  My mum is 91, and the frailty of old age is hitting her sense of self very hard.  She has clung to independence when she didn't have much else, so losing that is incredibly hard.

 

 

I think being raised by my grandparents made me not see aging as something scary.  My grandma was 43 when I was born and she had salt and pepper hair.  Now her hair is pure white.  She's never worn makeup, she's always been a little on the 'fluffier' side, but she's always been active and healthy and beautiful.  

 

It's funny how generations go: my mother was 39 when I was born, so my age gap to her is almost the same as yours to your grandmother.

[wintermom]

I feel young at 48! I've kept fit all my life, and play tennis regularly with people in their 50s, 60s and 70s - some even up to late 80s. It's really inspiring and provides lots of positive role-models. I still have a few decades to improve my game! ;)  Dh and I play tennis together, so it's going to be something we can continue to do as a couple into retirement. Dh, the dc and I also help out with the music ministry at church, which is fun and stimulating.  Homeschooling my dc keeps my mind active and sharp, especially doing math with my teens!  

 

As far as appearance goes, I never wore much make-up, coloured my hair, or cared at all about fashion trends. I will just continue on as I've been doing, accepting myself as I age. So far, I haven't noticed any massive milestones that told me, "Now you are old, so do things old people do." Do these actually exist?  :laugh:

 

 

[Catwoman]

I turn 29 tomorrow, and I'm definitely having a whole lot of angst about the whole aging thing. I'm not sure it's as much of an appearance issue, though that definitely plays a factor, as much as watching my twenties close and not having achieved what I thought I would by now.

You've had a rough time of it this year. Try to give yourself some grace and plan for a happy and productive future instead of beating yourself up for the things you haven't achieved. :grouphug:

[creekland]

I don't worry about aging.  Doing so loses today - what's the point of that?

 

But I'm not going to get to the stage of dementia or severe physical ailments either.  I've already decided that.  I've seen that and would rather be pushing up daisies if that's the future.  An untimely mountaineering accident indeed...

 

94 and still walking with a reasonably sound brain?  Awesome.  94 and needing to be fed, changed, and not recognizing people - not happening.  Substitute any age number one wants with that.

 

I don't care at all about gray hairs and I love the better temperament and life more laps around the sun have brought so far.

[goldberry]

Aging in the next few decades I'm not too worried about, but old age--past 80 or so--really looks like not a lot of fun.

 

Me too.  My mom aged fabulously until her mid seventies I guess.  Beautiful, smart, full of life.  She is 82 now and not the same.  So I had a great example of aging up until just recently.  

[IsabelC]

I'm comfortable and happy about aging in general. The only thing I don't like to think about is the possibility of one day living in a residential aged care facility. Apart from the risk of neglect or abuse, I'm extremely introverted and tend to take a while to get comfortable with people, so the idea of having rotating-door-like staff turnover where I get different nurses and carers looking after me each day horrifies me.

Edited December 24, 2015 by IsabelC

[nd293]

I'm 44. So far I love getting older. I've been happiest from my late 30s onwards. Really, apart from an ongoing career I've achieved a lot - fabulous kids, lived in an unusual country, tested myself against trying circumstances and made it through, travelled, worked (albeit briefly) with some well-known-in-their-field people.

 

I don't mind my aging body apart from one aspect which doesn't really relate to age, although is getting worse with age.

 

I really don't have much patience with age hang-ups. It is what it is. And I don't want to waste precious time fighting and resenting the inevitable. What a waste! My mother has real age hang-ups. She once said something about not wanting to date a grandfather - she was 54 and a grandmother herself. Instead she wasted time on friendships with younger people that didn't go anywhere and 20 years later she's still alone. She resists any discussion of planning for her later years because she wants to just "drop dead". She was sure that she would die early like her father and grandfather (even though all the females live forever). She is so resistant to accepting help from family that she creates barrier that keeps growing. THOSE are the things I'm afraid of about aging - that I'll become irrational and difficult because of a fear of aging. My daughter has been instructed to put me firmly in my place if I start any such nonsense!

[foxbridgeacademy]

The health thing is a bit scary, I hit 40 and boom I gained 20 pounds and found out I was diabetic.  My biggest problem is that as I age I really am starting to dislike the younger me, the one who wasted all those years on stupid stuff and people which are meaningless to me now. I wish I could go back to 30-32, I really liked a lot about that age, only I still get to be the person I am now otherwise I'd probably make all the same mistakes. Plus my kids were still little, I miss babies. 

[Laura Corin]

I'm comfortable and happy about aging in general. The only thing I don't like to think about is the possibility of one day living in a residential aged care facility. Apart from the risk of neglect or abuse, I'm extremely introverted and tend to take a while to get comfortable with people, so the idea of having rotating-door-like staff turnover where I get different nurses and carers looking after me each day horrifies me.

Yes.  My mum is at that stage and we are working hard to avoid that for her, at least in the short term.  

 

Watching her go through it, I'm trying to prepare my own mind for that stage: the women in my family tend to live forever.  I'm thinking very hard about stages and acceptance: pre-child, childbearing, bringing up children, looking after parents, looking after husband (he is older than I am and doesn't have such good genes), allowing myself to be looked after.  I am setting up mechanisms to carry me through: hobbies/interests that I can pursue unless extremely disabled, but more importantly - that acceptance.

Edited December 24, 2015 by Laura Corin

[madteaparty]

I agree with a quote attributed to Gloria Steinem recently that women lose power as they age whereas men gain it.

I'm not worried about looks, the aging process is fairly democratic, but I worry about the utility of my existence when the kids leave home. I will have to have something to do, and I have no hobbies.

[kewb]

Some interesting views on aging. I will add to what I originally said.

You have to sieze the day. It doesn't matter what age you are.

My dh's chronic illness has wiped us out financially. My oldest is about to go to college. We can barely pay our monthly expenses. No family vacations in too many years. This is certainly not the life I envisioned when we first got married in our 20's. Due to illness we have gone from solid middle class to barely getting by. And on top of that I will be turning 50 in 11 months.

I can be a miserable sob about all that is wrong with my life but what will it get me? Absolutely nothing except more misery.

There is a lot about my life that is wrong and miserable. But there is still plenty of great in my life. I choose to focus on what is great and that brings more great. Aging is inevitable. It will happen whether I like it or not. I choose to embrace the changes. They are the road map of a life lived. I do not mourn my lost youth. Sure it was nice having more elastic skin and perky boobs but my life experiences are what made me who I am and I wouldn't be me if I was focused on continuing to look young.

Edited December 24, 2015 by kewb

[AnnE-girl]

I'm turning 35 in less than two weeks, and only slightly bothered by it. I miss the version of me that I see in my college and wedding pictures. But then, DH has less hair and more evident crows feet too. I'm worried about losing the large amount of weight I gained with the baby I had five weeks ago, and getting my blood pressure back under control. My dad had a heart attack in his fifties (and his dad died young and most of his six siblings have had some sort of heart issues) and I feel like my pregnancy/postpartum hypertension are a warning to take better care of myself because genetics are not on my side when it comes to my heart health.

 

I think my biggest concerns about aging are health related. I need to accept that I can't eat whatever I want and not feel the effects of it. I need to be more dedicated to working out and watching my diet now if I want to feel good for the decades to come.

[DawnM]

Eh, I felt that way at 40.  It passes.  I am not nearing 50 and don't have nearly the anxiety anymore.  

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

Well, I do 'cover the gray.'  I embrace the wisdom and power and self-control of age, but not the gray hair, LOL!

[amy g.]

I feel good about aging. It means that I haven't died yet.

 

I'll turn 50 this summer and I expect the future to be really enjoyable.

[Donna]

I am fine with aging.

 

I enjoy going through life's stages with my family and watching my kids grow up. I will be 46 in a couple years and don't have too many wrinkles…the one upside to having had oily skin all my life. I don't have gray hair either, yet and will probably just dye my hair for a while when I do begin to get gray. Most of the people in my life in their 50's and 60's take care of themselves, are active, and enjoy life. I like the fact that the older I get, the less I care about what people think about me.

 

The only thing that scares me about aging is the possibility of not being here one day and missing out on what's next in the lives of my children/potential grandchildren.

[Pam in CT]

I love having older kids, and watching them come into their maturity and interests and relationships.  The "littles" stage was sweet in its way, sure; but this one is so much more interesting and fun and reciprocal.  That is a huge advantage of aging. 

[MBM]

I am in my 50s and feel like a 20 year old. Don't feel old at all!

 

ETA: Use sunscreen and stay out of the sun if you want to avoid wrinkles. I did and it seemed to work.That and Blistex and the only two cosmetics I use on my face. I also have very few gray hairs. I don't color my hair and use Suave, Pantene and sometimes a hair conditioner because I do straighten my hair occasionally. Nothing too fancy or time-consuming. What I think helped the most was to research health issues and do what I felt made sense. Diet is a big deal to me and so is meditation. I generally feel very well and happy but it all makes me feel younger, too. The other day I went into a bank and a woman there thought I was in my 20s and couldn't believe I was in my 50s. Not complaining about that!

Edited December 24, 2015 by MBM

[jelbe5]

I don't mind aging except for the aches and pains in my knees. Mentally I feel "young" but am frustrated when my body does not seem to want to cooperate.

[lllll]

I hate it. It is depressing. I never really thought much about it until I had ovarian cancer in my mid 40s and had everything removed. Seems I have aged 20 years in the last 4. I am still pretty healthy and in good shape fitness-wise. But I know now that everything there was to look forward to is in the past. I am too old to dream and actually expect them to come true. I have already raised my kids, basically (the best years of my life!); I will never be skinny and beautiful, I will only get older and uglier; I will never live on a farm, or in the country with a stream and woods on my property; I will never travel and see the U.S., let alone the world; I will never be rich, or even very comfortable money-wise; I will never be a singer or a writer or an artist. Yes. It is depressing. That is why I try not to think about it. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

[QueenCat]

Each age, each decade brings it's ups and downs. I loved have little children and I love the college stage as well. I am so much more comfortable with myself today than I was 25 years ago. I feel good about who I have "become" and the life I lead. Embrace each stage and live it fully!

[lllll]

nm

Edited December 28, 2015 by w11

[mathnerd]

I am not worried by old age as in 50s, 60s etc. I am OK if I can feel healthy and do something useful in my life. Looks never mattered to me too much when I was younger and it is still the same - I can deal with a few wrinkles and I color my hair, so I pass off as a younger person than I am without trying to. I am an older mom and meet a lot of older and younger mom socially and I cannot tell who is young or old unless specifics are discussed (like, went to college in the 90s, 2000s etc). I was not so self confident in my younger years - I enjoy the self confidence that I gained due to my years.

 

I am very worried about being 85 years old and not being in control of my mind, life and health. That is a big issue for me.

[AnnE-girl]

I was thinking about this more and I wanted to add that if I can age like my grandmothers, I will be very happy. My paternal grandmother died several years ago at 94, and she was fairly healthy and mentally with it until her last five years or so. She did live in an assisted living facility, but it was nicely run and it gave her more social opportunities than living alone in her apartment.

 

My maternal grandmother is 87 and still living on her own, although she's looking to move to a retirement community soon. When she turned 80 one of her friends called to wish her "happy birthday" and told her it was time for her to sit down and rest more because 80 is old. My Grandma thought her friend was crazy. She's just recently stopped being able to play on the floor with her great-grandchildren. She's beautiful and so loved and I want to be just like her when I'm her age.

[Bluegoat]

I have mixed feelings, I guess.

 

I like that I'm more confident, and settled, and I feel like I have a handle on things.  I know who I am at this point, and what I like and mostly, what I want.

 

I sometimes feel a little wistful about options that are no longer open, or things that I won't get to do in the same way as if I had done them when I was younger.

 

I've also mixed feelings about the physical side.  I feel fairly healthy, and I'm not worried about my weight.  I don't feel the need to war old lady clothes, and my skin is pretty good.  I have a lot of grey, which I started colouring years ago because it made my hair look dirty.  In the last year or so though its started to get really grey, so I've switched to a kind of blending and when its grown out more I'll probably keep it naturally grey. 

 

My feeling is that coming to terms with the physical aspects of aging is connected to coming to terms with mortality, and that is an important thing.  I really don't want to get to the end and have only a short time to deal with a psychological process I should have been dealing with for years.  people in that situation seem to panic and have a hard time letting go.

 

I do though feel a little weird about the fact that I'm not seen by men in the same way though.  Mostly it doesn't come up, but occasionally something makes me think of it and its an odd feeling.  If my dh were to kick off early, finding someone new would just be so different.  I hope by the time he goes I'm off men or it could really suck.

[Danestress]

I feel sad about the time and people who have passed and changed. And I don't look at all forward to the difficult things that seem almost inevitable with being quite eldery.

 

But I love being in my late 40s. I have accepted the aging part. I am mostly grey and probably look older than I am because of that, but my health is good and I have not had weight gain.

 

I find it a very free age. I find friendships easier - more natural with men now that I am older and clearly owning it. It's not like I was ever someone who tried to look 'hot,' but since I have gone grey, it seems like people respond to me just as a person.

 

People are nice to older women. They expect less. I can live with that:). My kids are older and need less of my time, I am working again and liking that. I am still young enough to do what I want and enjoy if. I don't really see much down side to 50, though I probably would if I were single and wanting to date.

 

But 50 is really middle age. I am not sure I will like being truly 'old.'

[pehp]

I am 38. My mother died at 52, very suddenly, so that is always in the back of my mind--that each year I am here is a prize.  So I don't look at aging as a bad thing.  I will be so, SO grateful to live to the age of 55....60...65....because my mom never got to meet her grandchildren, and I really want to be a part of my adult children's lives.  Lord, may it be so!

 

Thus, when I consider aging, I think of it pretty positively.  Everything will get droopy and I won't be pretty anymore, but I know my grandmother lived a lot of great years between the ages of, say, 50 and 89.  I am trying to care for myself now with that in mind--I want to be well enough to enjoy my children and grandchildren, and to be productive and enjoy a lot of community work.  There are many activities I enjoy doing now that I can continue doing as I get older.  I'm surrounded at church by older women who are still active.  I try to be realistic about the fact that my appearance and physical capabilities will decline, but that just means a different season--not that life is 'over' when I can no longer run a mile or drive to the store. 

 

One thing I do like about bordering 40 is that my confidence in who I am is so high.  20 years ago it was more about how I looked, or my grades.  Now I'm very content with myself, physicals flaws and all. I think I've gained wisdom over the years and hope to gain a lot more.