AnnE-girl Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I had sort of an awkward encounter last night and I'm interested in the varied perspectives on this board. I went with DH to the big annual banquet for the local organization of his profession. We were seated with his co-workers and their spouses, along with a man from another company who DH knows, but I had never met. He had a few glasses of wine, which isn't really a big deal, but he was a bit loud and a big personality. He also joked about how DH is his nemesis. Clearly joking, he seems to just be that type of guy. We walked out with a few other people from our table and DH and I said goodbye to leave first. The non-co-worker guy sort of scolded my husband that he never did tell him my name (we were at the other side of a 10 person table) and went to hug me goodbye as he said it was nice to meet me. Then he said something to the effect of "And because AnnE's husband is my nemesis, I'm going to kiss you too" and kissed me on the cheek. It all happened very quickly, so I couldn't really figure out a way to stop it. It made me uncomfortable and I made a point to take my husband's arm and say something about how lucky I was to have such a great guy. I just felt a little icky after it. We have friends that we hug in greeting, etc., but not many. I'm not against a friendly hug with a new acquaintance necessarily, but I don't know, this felt like some weird power play thing. So what says the Hive? Was this weird, or am I overreacting? I haven't mentioned feeling weird about to DH anything, but he didn't say anything about it either. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Weird. I would have been uncomfortable too. On the other hand, I wouldn't be lingerly upset. I'd just avoid him if I ever saw him again. And be prepared to be steely with my boundaries. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I would feel weirded out, but I have personal space issues, so... :D :D Seriously, though: twice recently, I have been kissed on the cheek by STRANGERS at church. Never met them, they kissed me as part of their "Hi, nice to meet you." Both men, older than me. I was not impressed. I want to say it is a cultural thing or generational thing. I have a hard time believing someone these days would think kissing a stranger is an appropriate greeting... *but again -- I have those above-mentioned issues with my space.* 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 It was a power play thing. And while he may be joking about your DH being his nemesis, there is usually truth in 'just joking'. Your DH should be very careful to watch out for the knife aimed at his back. Dude feels threatened by your DH's awesomeness. Threatened people can be nasty. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Hugging is something some people just do. but the kissing ??? That is bizarre and not normal. My money is on the guy having had a tad too much alcohol. Even idiots don't behave like this when sober. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I could get past the hugging, but not so much the kissing. Then again, it's done so I guess I wouldn't over analyze it either. Does sound like he might have had too much to drink. Or he is an @$$. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 The comment was weird. Hugging and kissing can be the norm in many cultures (and taboo in others!). DH works with Cubans, so everyone hugs and kisses. His partners wouldn't be creepy with the comments though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 In the US? I'd be surprised by a hug from someone who didn't know my name and seriously annoyed by a kiss. That was inappropriate. I've had to get used to random kissing though overseas. I still don't love it (it is so weird to air kiss my doctor), but it's also a habit a lot of the time and I have to remind myself not to kiss friends in the US. Not that that has anything to do with anything. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I don't know - could be a cultural thing. When I first went to Long Island to meet dh's family and community, I was hugged and kissed by "strangers" a lot. Might have been a New Yorker thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Hugging and kissing is often a cultural thing. But this seems weird, it seems like a power play to me too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PamJBA Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 My husband is Puerto Rican and they all hug and cheek kiss. I still haven't quite adjusted to the kiss part. Unless you saw him hugging and kissing others, I'd assume this guy was being a bit of an a$$. The alcohol might have made it worse, but I suspect he'd have been obnoxious completely sober. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Totally creepy. Try not to let the creepiness dog you. If you ever cross paths with him again pick up a big potted plant, or your chair, or start coughing and hacking like crazy, something to keep him at arms' distance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Kissing at least doesn't involve smooshing bodies together, I'm with the other cultures that it seems less intimate except for American norms. And I agree, this seems like alcohol plus a little aggressive power play against your husband. I wouldn't think much of it, but I also would have probably smack the man as soon as he kissed me without permission and lightly commented on his inappropriateness. I'm rude like that :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Hugging and kissing at a professional event by a spouse's professional contact in the US is very unusual unless there are a significant number of people from cultures where that is more common. I vote seriously inappropriate. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 He used you as a trophy for men in competition. Not by hugging and kissing you but by the words he used when he did it. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Something similar happened to me many years ago. I have forgotten the details (and don't want to try to remember them), but yes very creepy. Dh's co-worker was sloshed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Hugging is something some people just do. but the kissing ??? That is bizarre and not normal. My money is on the guy having had a tad too much alcohol. Even idiots don't behave like this when sober. Alcohol-induced power play. Yuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Weird. I would have been uncomfortable too. On the other hand, I wouldn't be lingerly upset. I'd just avoid him if I ever saw him again. And be prepared to be steely with my boundaries. This. Ugh. What a creep. Definitely a power play, trying to put your dh in his place. What a jerk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 double post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Kissing and hugging can be ok but the context makes it creepy and yuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Just out of curiosity what is the guy's job? I have a guess. I wanna see if I'm right... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Just out of curiosity what is the guy's job? I have a guess. I wanna see if I'm right... Human resources? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Weird in the US. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Human resources? ;) No, my guess is sales. Of all of my DH's coworkers at either place he worked, they were the nuttiest. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnE-girl Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 Just out of curiosity what is the guy's job? I have a guess. I wanna see if I'm right... I'm curious what your guess is :-). They're a whole bunch of lawyers. Thanks for validating what I was feeling about this. I don't want to dwell on it, but I'm kind of processing my feelings. I really dislike feeling like some sort of territory to be marked. At the same time, I do belong to DH, and he belongs to me. Not in a bad possessive way, but by our own choice. DH is completely not the type to play these kind of games, so I don't think he saw it as anything more than the guy had too much to drink. On the upside, I probably won't run into this guy again until next year, if even then since there's a couple hundred people at these things and he just happened to be at our table this year. I'm deciding how much I want to broach this with DH, since he will be dealing with him, and even refers some work to him occasionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnE-girl Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 No, my guess is sales. Of all of my DH's coworkers at either place he worked, they were the nuttiest. I was typing as you posted this. Sorry, you're wrong :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ssavings Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 No, my guess is sales. Of all of my DH's coworkers at either place he worked, they were the nuttiest. That was my guess, too. DH is in sales; he's fairly normal, but this is the type of thing I have seen happen when there are a few of them in competition for something. Albeit, this seem pretty extreme for a power-play, but I'm guessing that the alcohol contributed to that... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Was he drunk? It sounds like something an obnoxious drunk guy would do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasc Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I would feel weirded out, but I have personal space issues, so... :D :D Seriously, though: twice recently, I have been kissed on the cheek by STRANGERS at church. Never met them, they kissed me as part of their "Hi, nice to meet you." Both men, older than me. I was not impressed. I want to say it is a cultural thing or generational thing. I have a hard time believing someone these days would think kissing a stranger is an appropriate greeting... *but again -- I have those above-mentioned issues with my space.* Yuck. Just yuck. I would not like this *at.all*But, I have personal space issues too. ;) ETA: OP, I agree...awkward, and definitely a 'power play' type move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I kiss women I know on the cheek. We live in Latin America and that is normal here and it is expected here.. The man you described is a creep. He is not an acquaintance of yours. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I was typing as you posted this. Sorry, you're wrong :-) Ah lawyers. If you think about it, not all that radically different than sales. LOL 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnE-girl Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 I kiss women I know on the cheek. We live in Latin America and that is normal here and it is expected here.. The man you described is a creep. He is not an acquaintance of yours. We're all white mid-westerners, so not a cultural norm. Even so, without the comment, it wouldn't have bothered me quite as much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnE-girl Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 Ah lawyers. If you think about it, not all that radically different than sales. LOL I can see the presumption about sales though, from my work experience before having DS. I was not in the sales department, but had to deal with them, and some of them were quite smarmy. Most were great people, but those few I avoided. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Agree it's was a creepy, drunken power-play against your husband, done via weird flirting and inappropriate physical contact by someone who saw you as something to conquer. Your response to cozy up to your husband and mention how great he is was a good recovery. Also, btw, it sounds like your husband further impressed that strange nemesis person by having you for a wife. Your husband won that round, thanks to you. ;) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I can see the presumption about sales though, from my work experience before having DS. I was not in the sales department, but had to deal with them, and some of them were quite smarmy. Most were great people, but those few I avoided. Yes the ones I've met are nice people, but they can be rambunctious in general. They often spend a lot of time away from home so they are out drinking and having a good time some nights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ssavings Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Yes the ones I've met are nice people, but they can be rambunctious in general. They often spend a lot of time away from home so they are out drinking and having a good time some nights. And nearly all are incredibly competitive (at least nearly all that I've met), so the power plays and whatnot aren't uncommon... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minerva Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I live in a country where the cheek kiss is the norm once you pass the initial handshake phase. It took me a long time to get used to kissing people on the cheek that I barely know. Now it feels completely normal and whenever I am in the US I have to restrain myself from kissing people, and hugs feel way to personal for most hellos. Having said that, it sounds like your guy was totally overstepping boundaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 The people we hang out with are mostly Northeast white people and we hug and kiss on the cheek. If it were me, since I'm not sensitive to touching, I wouldn't think too much of what happened to the OP. But the guy's motives are certainly questionable. Obviously, he had other things going on and was completely clueless about her feelings about him. I'm sure she gave off vibes telling the guy to back off but he didn't, and I agree that's very creepy. There was a drunk friend at our house during a holiday celebration. He was leaving and asked me for a kiss and turned his cheek. He was annoying me with his drunkenness at that point already. But when I leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, he turned at the last minute so I kissed his lips. It was inappropriate, but I knew in that case it was only his goofiness. He did it in front of dh and his wife and all our friends. Nothing sneaky about it but uncomfortable just the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 We're a pretty huggy family, but the experience you're describing does sound weird and would have made me uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professormom Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Dh and I hug in most of our social groups (church, offices, yacht club.) (The exception being the homeschool group, in which the men often seem a little more uncomfortable with women in general. They also tends to separate along gender lines at parties and such, which drives me a little batty... But that is another story for another day, lol.) Classic tale of too much alcohol and maybe boy competition. I have had this happen quite a bit. One guy we know even licked his finger and then a wound on my face (I had just injured myself diving for the winning round of an egg toss competition:-) It happened so fast, I had no idea it was coming. A kiss on the cheek doesn't bother me, even if it is a little weird. But that may be just desensitization due to exposure, lol. I am pretty funny about personal space issues too. It's another thing if he keeps it up though. That wouldn't fly. And you handled yourself perfectly. You made your stance clear. If he tries again you can duck and say, "Whoa pal, I only let one set of lips near this face." Then, if he gets weird, you can return the mind game by asking if he can't take a joke, smiling innocently all the while of course. I have done this and it works. They don't like to look stupid or rejected, so they often move on. I used to have a girl friend who would kiss ON THE LIPS. Yup, me, dh, anyone really. Very disconcerting. She was from the south. Is that a thing? Just think of it this way, you are just so beautiful, he couldn't resist! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Weird. I would have been uncomfortable too. On the other hand, I wouldn't be lingerly upset. I'd just avoid him if I ever saw him again. And be prepared to be steely with my boundaries. Exactly my reaction. The kiss is unusual and particularly since he didn't know your name until that moment, inappropriate. Just think of it this way, you are just so beautiful, he couldn't resist! If they can't resist they need professional counseling and possibly a restraining order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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