Am I turning into a helicopter parent?!?

[luuknam]

I just went to C's school and had a book talk with the principal and his teacher (separately - the teacher first, because the principal wasn't in yet, and then the principal because he was more the person to talk to).

 

The book was Claudia Cristina Cortez Uncomplicates Your Life - Advice About Work and Play. Note the irony - even my spell-check underlines 'uncomplicates' as wrong, lol.

 

It's about a 13yo girl telling fellow teens about the jobs they can get, how to throw parties (including a new year's eve party that lasts until after midnight), etc. On one of the pages it says "this is what real teens like you have to say about work" with quotes from a 16yo and a 17yo.

 

The book is mostly fine - nothing blatantly inappropriate, other than it addressing my kid as "teens like you" over and over. Am I nuts for having a problem with the school giving my 7yo a book like that to read? I just feel that kids get into the teen mindset way too early already, and that I really don't need the school to be implicitly endorsing that. The book's back cover says it's at a 3rd grade reading level, but it seems like it's meant to be a remedial reader for middle schoolers. It consistently assumes the reader is 13 or older. The C.C.C. series also has other books about family, friends, school, etc, and I have no idea how (in)appropriate those are.

 

The teacher and principal both seemed a little surprised by my having a problem with the book/series. You know, the "you're the only parent who's ever complained" kind of thing (they've had this program since February, fwiw). Just wondering if I'm losing my mind, or if it's reasonable to expect the school to not give 7yos books that talk to them as if they're teens.

[lmrich]

Was it required reading?

[luuknam]

Was it required reading?

 

Not exactly. The kids are required to read for an hour a day (half an hour at school, half an hour at home), from these leveled readers that they pick from bins in their classroom. Since it's the end of the year, they're supposed to be in the 3rd grade level (C's been in the 3rd grade level for the past few weeks). They can pick which books they want from those bins, but I don't get what this book was doing in a bin inside a 2nd grade classroom.

 

I asked the principal if he could just move that series to the middle school (since surely they have some kids who aren't reading on grade level and would be happy to have books that aren't childish), and he told me that this is part of the reading program, and blah-blah-blah he can't do anything about that, but he'd talk to the American Reading Company (which is the program they're using since February) about it.

 

ETA: all the other 3rd grade level books C's brought home have been fine, appropriate, etc. Things like the Magic Tree House, etc.

[Annie G]

They seem more like high interest books for reluctant readers. Probably helpful if you have a tween reluctant reader.   I'd probably steer my kid toward better quality books but I can see where schools use these. I'm assuming this is a 'free reading' type of book?  Our girls went through periods of reading junk- like the Babysitters Club books and all. It wasn't good literature but it was better than watching sitcoms on the Disney channel. 

 

I'd save my real objections for books that are truly offensive. No need to make this a hill to die on when there might be a mountain around the next bend. 

[luuknam]

They seem more like high interest books for reluctant readers. Probably helpful if you have a tween reluctant reader. 

 

Yes, remedial or reluctant tweens/teens. There is a reason I suggested moving the book to the middle school. I don't get why the principal thinks he can't do that (I think he's the principal of the elementary school only, but the middle school is in the same building).

 

Is it a hill to die on? Probably not. Since it's a new program with new books I assumed the teacher hadn't read all of the books (she hadn't), and I felt like it'd be helpful for them to know that those books are meant for middle schoolers, not 2nd or 3rd graders.

 

Realistically, it broke some of the trust I had. I assumed that books picked out from the reading bins in his classroom would be okay for him to read, and didn't have to be prescreened by me. Plus, half the time he picks books out of those bins at school and reads them while at school, with no opportunity for me to prescreen at all. It concerns me that the reading program they're using seems to only care about the reading level, and not about the maturity level of the books. If this, what else?

[NorthwestMom]

I'm voting mildly-helicopter-y.

 

If there was nothing inappropriate about the content, just that it was aimed at older kids, that's not worth a principal visit.  I suggest you talk to DS about picking books that are about kids his age, if that bothers you so much. 

[mathmarm]

Is it possible for your child to bring in his own books?

 

Rather than trying to argue and reason with the school staff who are probably hustling to tie things up for the summer break--if your in N. America than Summer is probably around the corner-- about which books they should or should not allow in the 2nd grade classroom, why not just send your kid with books? If the school will let him bring in his own books then go to the library and pull down some classics (Little Princess, Black Beauty, Boxcar Children) and send him in with his free-reading material.

 

If the school will not let him bring his own reading material, then why not just teach your son how to judge books and tell him the guidelines that you feel comfortable with him using?

 

If it helps you feel any better, this is the C.C.C. website and here is the publishers website. so you can get a better idea of what they do or do not offer.

[NorthwestMom]

Yes, remedial or reluctant tweens/teens. There is a reason I suggested moving the book to the middle school. I don't get why the principal thinks he can't do that (I think he's the principal of the elementary school only, but the middle school is in the same building).

 

Is it a hill to die on? Probably not. Since it's a new program with new books I assumed the teacher hadn't read all of the books (she hadn't), and I felt like it'd be helpful for them to know that those books are meant for middle schoolers, not 2nd or 3rd graders.

 

Realistically, it broke some of the trust I had. I assumed that books picked out from the reading bins in his classroom would be okay for him to read, and didn't have to be prescreened by me. Plus, half the time he picks books out of those bins at school and reads them while at school, with no opportunity for me to prescreen at all. It concerns me that the reading program they're using seems to only care about the reading level, and not about the maturity level of the books. If this, what else?

 

First - no teacher will have read and prescreened all the books in her classroom. They don't have that kind of time.

 

If by "maturity level" you are concerned because it discussed what work is like - and ONE party that went until after midnight  - and worried what other horrors are waiting in the book bin - then I am changing my vote to FULL HELICOPTER. You are waaaay more concerned about that than I would be. Honestly, why would I care that a child is learning what it is like to be a teen who works - that's good for a teen! - and a party after midnight is not the end of the world.

[Catherine]

Ugh-this is the kind of thing that makes me bonkers about school.  I agree that it's probably not something *I* would pursue with the principal, but that is me.  I DO definitely agree that trying to teach your child about choosing appropriate reading materials makes more sense.  

[Hikin' Mama]

I don't think you're a helicopter parent. While the book sounds like it's not inappropriate, there are better, richer literature choices that could be made. I agree with you.

[SKL]

I think it was worth an email to the teacher to alert her so she can double-check for age appropriateness of reading materials in the future.  It was just a dumb book to have in a primary classroom.  I would not have met with anyone about it.

 

My kid read Oliver Twist at 6 [condensed but still >100 pages of heavy stuff], Holes at 7, and the whole Harry Potter series at ages 6-8.  I have read these in the past and, although they are geared to older readers, I was OK with her reading them.  In general, I don't check the books she reads.  I couldn't if I tried.  She reads hundreds if not thousands of books every year.  I figure if they are in her K-8 school's library (or in our personal library), they probably aren't going to corrupt her beyond redemption.

 

But oddly, recently I've been getting messages from the teacher/school that parents should check the age-appropriateness (not just the reading level) of the books our kids read, because if you just go by reading level, you're going to get stuff no elementary school kid should see.  I'm not sure whom that is targeted at.  Maybe people who let their kids go into the adult section of the public library to browse for books.  We aren't at that point yet.

[xixstar]

I wouldn't get tied up over it. I would suggest my child select different books next time if I was concerned. I would not bring it up to the school and expect changes. There isn't enough in what your described for me to make an issue of it.

[Jenny in Florida]

Having in-person meetings does seem like a bit of an over-reaction, to be honest.

 

Look, when you send your kid to school, the fact is that you give up your right to control the curriculum. If you want to be able to pre-screen and approve every bit of assigned or even available for free-reading material that your child will encounter, then school isn't going to work for you.

 

While I generally agree with you that it sounds like your seven year old is not the target audience for this particular book, it doesn't sound like there was anything actually inappropriate about the contents. I can see dropping an e-mail to the teacher and just letting her know that this books seems like an odd choice to have in the bin. I can even see contacting whoever is in charge of assembling the book bins and suggesting they might take another look at their selection criteria.

 

But, yeah, personal meetings with the teacher and principal sound a bit helicopter-ish to me.

[Hkpiano]

I probably would have just sent a quick email to the teacher letting her know that particular book was a non-fiction book targeted directly to teens (IMO that's different than a fiction book targeted to teens like Harry Potter). And I would talk to my child about choosing books more geared to him.

[Word Nerd]

Last year DD9 brought home a book that gave me pause because it was clearly intended for older students. After looking at several reviews and skimming it, I told her I thought it would be better to wait a few years to read it and asked her to check out something else instead. Since it was a book about Nazis and WWII, I told her to see if the library had Lois Lowry's Number the Stars, which was much more age-appropriate.

 

I would have handled it that way rather than met with the teacher and principal. If you have a problem with what books your child checks out, that's an issue between you and your child. It isn't your job to decide what other kids can check out at the library.

[regentrude]

Helicopter.

Meeting with the principal is something I'd reserve for serious issues. A book that I don't deem age appropriate is not one of them.

[Tsuga]

DD got a book like that once. I put a sticky on it and wrote, "DD1 isn't ready for this material yet. She read book ABC instead. For your reference, there is sensitive content on pp. X-Y. Thanks!" Teacher returned a note saying thanks for the heads-up. They get tons of donated material and she has to trust some of the parent volunteers who (gasp) occasionally make mistakes. :)

 

Having a meeting is a lot, but I don't think guiding your kid towards other material is helicoptery. They need guidance and sometimes, in 200 days of school, one of 30 kids will get less guidance than needed. It happens.

[Orthodox6]

Not a helicopter, imo.  Sounds like a book of scant merit to begin with, and definitely not useful to a seven-year-old.  It is not as if you threw a hissy-fit at a school board meeting!

 

[CORRECTED TO SAY] Many teachers and librarians are spineless these days.  They have to be in order to hang on to their jobs.  Pass the buck.  "It is part of the reading program."  OK, who created the reading program?

 

I am (or was) a professional librarian who grew ashamed that she was a member of the ALA. 

[JustEm]

Sounds helicoptery to me. I note to the teacher and talking to your child about choosing different books would have been more fitting in this situation.

[Orthodox6]

 

If the school will not let him bring his own reading material, then why not just teach your son how to judge books and tell him the guidelines that you feel comfortable with him using?

 

 

 

We did this for books, movies, television programs, and music.  Our children are older now, most are past twenty-one.  They learned the values, they deviate from the values at times, but they internalized the standards and know when they are deviating. 

 

Part of "teaching how to fish", rather than just providing the meal.

[Orthodox6]

Helicopter.

Meeting with the principal is something I'd reserve for serious issues. A book that I don't deem age appropriate is not one of them.

 

Upon reflection, yes, I agree with this.  (unless the book is an obvious misfire, such as Fifty Shades of Grey placed in the middle school bins) 

 

If the school is a tiny, private school, maybe, but remotely maybe.

[Tsuga]

 

Teachers and librarians are spineless these days.  They have to be in order to hang on to their jobs.  Pass the buck.  "It is part of the reading program."  OK, who created the reading program?

 

 

The teachers and librarians at my childrens' school are superb and not at all spineless, and they put up with a lot.

 

They implement state- and district-wide reading programs and work extremely hard to put in their own innovation when there's very little space. They do that for our kids.

 

It is not "passing the buck" to explain how books got into a bin.

[luuknam]

If by "maturity level" you are concerned because it discussed what work is like - and ONE party that went until after midnight

 

No. I meant that I don't want the school implicitly telling my kid that books that address him as "teens like you" are appropriate books for him. He's not a teen. He's not even a tween. I don't need him to start thinking of himself as being equivalent to teens. The book is also part of a series, and I don't know what the other parts of the series include.

 

He didn't pick this out of the school library, which includes grades K-5. He picked it out of the bin in his 2nd grade classroom. I figured the teacher/principal would say something like "huh, you're right, this is aimed at much older kids, we'll move it to an older classroom". I just don't get the "I can't help it, it's part of the reading program" attitude - I can get it from the teacher, but from the principal? Really? You can't deal with minor details like that in your own school? :rolleyes:

[bettyandbob]

No. I meant that I don't want the school implicitly telling my kid that books that address him as "teens like you" are appropriate books for him. He's not a teen. He's not even a tween. I don't need him to start thinking of himself as being equivalent to teens. The book is also part of a series, and I don't know what the other parts of the series include.

 

He didn't pick this out of the school library, which includes grades K-5. He picked it out of the bin in his 2nd grade classroom. I figured the teacher/principal would say something like "huh, you're right, this is aimed at much older kids, we'll move it to an older classroom". I just don't get the "I can't help it, it's part of the reading program" attitude - I can get it from the teacher, but from the principal? Really? You can't deal with minor details like that in your own school? :rolleyes:

 

So, he's a 7 yo who can read and comprehend third grade material. Do you think that because he read the line "teens like you" he will think he's a teen?

 

The book does not sound like good literature, but it doesn't sound particularly offensive. Additionally, if it's in the elementary school, it was probably meant to rotate around the 5th-6th grade classrooms. 

 

If I had a problem with a book my dc brought home from elementary school I would substitute another book and send the teacher a note. I would not involve the principal unless the teacher wanted to force my dc to read it and was going to penalize my dc for not reading it. 

 

My ds attended public elementary one year. One of my issues was the librarian limiting the books ds could access to those meant for K-1. I thought he should be able to check out anything in the library (ds could read comprehend at a middle school level in K). ds tugged a backpack full of his own large heavy books daily to school during K. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

No. I meant that I don't want the school implicitly telling my kid that books that address him as "teens like you" are appropriate books for him. He's not a teen. He's not even a tween. I don't need him to start thinking of himself as being equivalent to teens. The book is also part of a series, and I don't know what the other parts of the series include.

 

He didn't pick this out of the school library, which includes grades K-5. He picked it out of the bin in his 2nd grade classroom. I figured the teacher/principal would say something like "huh, you're right, this is aimed at much older kids, we'll move it to an older classroom". I just don't get the "I can't help it, it's part of the reading program" attitude - I can get it from the teacher, but from the principal? Really? You can't deal with minor details like that in your own school? :rolleyes:

Really?  I don't think that B & M school is a good fit for you then.  There are going to be many MINOR issues like this that come up.  

[luuknam]

So, he's a 7 yo who can read and comprehend third grade material. Do you think that because he read the line "teens like you" he will think he's a teen?

 

Not literally, no. Not as in, believing he's physically 13 years old. Not sure how to describe it. Does it matter if I add he's got high-functioning autism? That he already has an obnoxious habit of starting sentences with "Don't you know that...".

 

Aside from that, my mom has apologized to me in the past about occasionally forgetting my age when talking to me (talking to me like I was an adult, even though I was like 12). My mom's best friend (only close friend) died when I was 10.5yo. My dad was a workaholic. My brother had issues in school (he eventually got an ASD diagnosis as well), and I was somehow my mom's replacement best friend/therapist. As a result, I did have some attitude about seeing myself as the equivalent of an adult.

 

Seriously, let kids be kids already. 7yos are not teens. 12yos are not adults.

 

WRT talking to the principal - the teacher suggested writing the principal a note. When I grew up, I always attended small schools where people went to the principal over literally everything. So I'm guessing that's just a cultural difference there.

[bettyandbob]

Not literally, no. Not as in, believing he's physically 13 years old. Not sure how to describe it. Does it matter if I add he's got high-functioning autism? That he already has an obnoxious habit of starting sentences with "Don't you know that...".

 

Aside from that, my mom has apologized to me in the past about occasionally forgetting my age when talking to me (talking to me like I was an adult, even though I was like 12). My mom's best friend (only close friend) died when I was 10.5yo. My dad was a workaholic. My brother had issues in school (he eventually got an ASD diagnosis as well), and I was somehow my mom's replacement best friend/therapist. As a result, I did have some attitude about seeing myself as the equivalent of an adult.

 

Seriously, let kids be kids already. 7yos are not teens. 12yos are not adults.

 

WRT talking to the principal - the teacher suggested writing the principal a note. When I grew up, I always attended small schools where people went to the principal over literally everything. So I'm guessing that's just a cultural difference there.

1. I've never been in school community where you talked to the principal for everything. You should probably tone that down. Note to teacher first. Meet with teacher. If you still have issues contact principal.

 

2. I think there's a difference in a book addressing an audience as teens and the experience you personally had with adults forcing maturity on you. I know you said ds had HFA, but there's a good possibility he doesn't take books that literally. My oldest was diagnosed with NVLD. He often was literal. For a book like that he would parrot to me "you know what teenagers should do..."

 

From one SN mama to another, save your energy, you will have bigger issues to fight.

[luuknam]

2. I think there's a difference in a book addressing an audience as teens and the experience you personally had with adults forcing maturity on you. I know you said ds had HFA, but there's a good possibility he doesn't take books that literally. My oldest was diagnosed with NVLD. He often was literal. For a book like that he would parrot to me "you know what teenagers should do..."

 

Which then would get into the content issues I have with the book. The book says that it's more important to like a job than to make money. Which I find to be a problematic statement, as if everyone grew up privileged. However, if my kid were 13yo reading that book, I'd expect him to know that life is not that simple (and I wouldn't even think of bringing it up to the teacher/principal). At 7yo... no. There are all sorts of things I'd consider problems if a book is read by kids much younger than the intended audience, that I wouldn't really consider to be problems if they were read by the target audience.

 

I just don't get why the school says they can't move the book series to an older classroom, which the book series is obviously meant for. Nobody seems to be arguing that the book is meant for 2nd or 3rd graders. They just are saying that the district has implemented the American Reading Company book program and they can't do *anything* about that. As if I was asking them to get rid of the program altogether. The way they were talking is as if if "Fifty Shades of Grey" were written at a 3rd grade level (which according to some reviews I've read, it about is), they'd put it in the 3rd grade-level bins inside a 2nd grade classroom. I don't get it.

 

And I know B&M school isn't for me. I knew that before I got pregnant. The only reason C ever ended up in a B&M school was because he was massively speech delayed at the same time that we were extremely poor, my wife was unemployed and unmedicated bipolar, and I was pregnant with B. And after that, C actually liked school. I'm pulling him out next year though. I'm just not used to seeing myself as helicopter-ish... we're not parenting them in a G-rated (or PG-rated) way.

[regentrude]

Which then would get into the content issues I have with the book. The book says that it's more important to like a job than to make money. Which I find to be a problematic statement, as if everyone grew up privileged.

 

Why is it "privileged" to work in a job one likes, as opposed to one that makes more money? Nobody would farm or teach if they didn't like it, because people don't go into it for the money. I think this is a great message to send to kids. I definitely hope my kids find a job they like, and choose that job over one they hate and would do just for the cash. Going to work joyfully each day is one of the greatest gifts.

[luuknam]

Why is it "privileged" to work in a job one likes, as opposed to one that makes more money? Nobody would farm or teach if they didn't like it, because people don't go into it for the money. I think this is a great message to send to kids. I definitely hope my kids find a job they like, and choose that job over one they hate and would do just for the cash. Going to work joyfully each day is one of the greatest gifts.

 

This is getting off-topic, but CCC was saying that you should only work if you enjoy it (or something along those lines - I don't have the book anymore to look up an exact quote). Of course, it's great if you can work a job you like, and it's definitely preferable to working a job you don't like. But, as someone who has stacked boxes and watched bottles of Sunny-D go down an assembly line because I had mouths to feed, I don't want to say that enjoyment is more important than money. You really need to find some sort of balance that works for you and your goals/needs. If a teen wants to do some work s/he doesn't enjoy so s/he can save up for a car, should we say that's wrong?

 

It is a privilege to be able to choose whether to work or not to work, and to choose a job you like vs a job you don't like.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You don't have to like the book.  And you can suggest to your particular child that he read another one instead.  I mean, there are tons of better choices out there and hopefully some of them are in that book bin (or whatever it is he got it from).  But not all children will take it literally.  Honestly, it sounds like a book that most kids that age would find boring!  But that's I guess why I think of it as minor.  Because you can solve the problem by simply taking that book away from him, giving him another one, and quietly returning that one to the teacher.  If he's likely to pick it up again, you could even write the teacher a note asking her to direct him to other materials.  But I don't see it as a book that is going to be remembered or even read by the majority of kids in that class and so in need of censoring classwide.  

[SKL]

I remember some of the leveled readers my kids were required to read in 1st/2nd grade, and they were just horrible.  Stupid content, stilted "writing."  I couldn't even stand to read them.  They should have just let the kids read what they wanted for independent reading.  (Well, they usually did, but it should have been 100%.)

 

But if the kids chose a book that happened to be dumb or meaningless to them, that is just part of experiencing books.  So he got a dud that time - he can chalk it up to experience and move on.  I think most 2nd graders would probably not have picked that book out in the first place - it doesn't sound like anything I would want to read at 7yo (or at any age for that matter).

 

I do think it is odd that they said they "couldn't" remove the book from the 2nd grade classroom.  I'm guessing they are just too busy with other things right now and will take a closer look when it is more convenient.

[Bluegoat]

I can understand why you don't like the book.  My dd is 10, and I am not especially inclined to be restrictive of reading, but there is something unsettling about the way some ideal of being a teen, and what is supposed to be teen behavior, is impressed upon younger kids. 

 

It comes off as weirdly aspirational.  And I think a lot of what we consider to be typical teen behavior is actually a cultural creation, so to me, creating the aspiration is creating the phenomena.

 

So while I don't see it as a grossly bad book, I think it has been inappropriately placed, and it would make me question the insight of whoever made the decision to put it there.

 

I would not meet with the principle, but I might look for an opportunity to figure out what the teacher was thinking or point out that it was a weird choice.

[Plateau Mama]

Does it matter if I add he's got high-functioning autism?

 

 

 

Nope. Still helicopter.

 

Tell him you don't like the content of the book and that he needs to pick a different one. Send a quick email to the teacher to the effect of "I felt this content was too mature for son. I've asked him to choose a different one."

 

Problem solved. Teacher can then look over the book and pull it (or not). This is not something that I would ever consider a meeting with the teacher, let alone the principal.

[Junie]

OP, don't feel bad.  My ds saw the title of this post this a.m. when he was walking past my computer.  He asked what a helicopter parent was.  I told him and he immediately pointed at me.  I told him that it's not exactly a complementary term.  He vanished. ;)

 

I'm working on it.  

 

 

[wintermom]

 

Realistically, it broke some of the trust I had. I assumed that books picked out from the reading bins in his classroom would be okay for him to read, and didn't have to be prescreened by me. Plus, half the time he picks books out of those bins at school and reads them while at school, with no opportunity for me to prescreen at all. It concerns me that the reading program they're using seems to only care about the reading level, and not about the maturity level of the books. If this, what else?

 

I'm with you here. This book sounds inappropriate for a second grade classroom. It's a good learning experience for you, though, not to make assumptions about the books your child will have access to in school. It's one of the big reasons I love homeschooling.  

[Joker]

Unless the book was horribly inappropriate, I would not have had a meeting with anyone. I have had meetings with administration but never over a book. I save those things for something that is extremely important to me so I'm not seen as someone who overreacts. Since I do so, I've always been able to get what I want when I do hold those very few meetings. A book, in most cases, is something I can just tell my dc not to read or why we don't like it and that suffices.

[Cammie]

I have done this twice with books.  One was a book by Roald Dahl that was definately NOT a kid's book and the other was a book by Iva Ibbotson that had very older teenager themes (sexual assault) and had been given to my fourth grader.

 

The librarians were clueless as to the content of the books, they were grateful I had come in and informed them.  End of discussion.  I didn't take it up with the principal.

[luuknam]

I can understand why you don't like the book.  My dd is 10, and I am not especially inclined to be restrictive of reading, but there is something unsettling about the way some ideal of being a teen, and what is supposed to be teen behavior, is impressed upon younger kids. 

 

It comes off as weirdly aspirational.  And I think a lot of what we consider to be typical teen behavior is actually a cultural creation, so to me, creating the aspiration is creating the phenomena.

 

So while I don't see it as a grossly bad book, I think it has been inappropriately placed, and it would make me question the insight of whoever made the decision to put it there.

 

I would not meet with the principle, but I might look for an opportunity to figure out what the teacher was thinking or point out that it was a weird choice.

 

Yes. This.

 

Btw, the teacher wasn't thinking anything. The school librarians weren't thinking anything. The school district decided to pilot this reading program in two of its schools (since February), but it's by the American Reading Company. From what I understand, they have a leveling system and you buy bins of books from them. So, the teacher was not in charge of this, nor were the school librarians. I don't know WHO in the administration was in charge for this, probably someone higher up than the principal. Since there are like four 2nd grade classes in C's school, I figured this affected all of them, plus it's a new reading program, which means things are different from a program that's been around from a decade (in how I'd handle things).

 

W/e.

 

Btw, C really liked the book. Probably because he wants to be a babysitter. He already has been talking about taking the Red Cross babysitter training when he's 11 (youngest age they offer it to).

[KungFuPanda]

I vote helicopter.

 

The book was on the child's reading level with no inappropriate content. Going to the principal over the phrase "teens like you" is overreacting. Cringing at the book choice your 7-year-old made is understandable, but not worth a meeting.

[LucyStoner]

I think it's rather moot since you are homeschooling next year.

 

I vote for reasonabl-ish intial thought and helicopter-ish reaction.

[Orthodox6]

Haven't read for a bit here, so these are backward-looking thoughts on a couple of posts.

 

Yes, if someone has Asperger's (I am wondering if that what was meant by HFA, the current ill-advised term for Asperger's), parents do need to factor that into choice of reading material for a child. (As for NVLD, I don't *think* that would have bearing on the matter unless, as often happens because of the overlap between NVLD and Asperger's, there was misdiagnosis of NVLD.) (Both conditions are present in some of my children.)

 

At any rate, Aspies typically are high strung and anxious, which does need to be recognized and factored into their activities. When my Aspie was young and was attending an outside school for special needs students, I was not the only mother individually and privately to speak with the classroom teacher of our concerns about the upcoming class reading of "The Giver." The book itself is fine. It was not, however, a wise choice for that particular set of unsettled children at that particular age. The teacher was unfamiliar with the title, which she had selected randomly from a list. She greatly appreciated input from the several mothers, and changed books.

[luuknam]

Yes, if someone has Asperger's (I am wondering if that what was meant by HFA, the current ill-advised term for Asperger's)

Nope. I meant HFA, because of the huge receptive and expressive language delays my son had when he was younger. Although it's a bit of an arbitrary distinction, especially since he's made such great progress in language development.

 

Anyway, thanks for everyone's replies.

[imagine.more]

 

 

I just don't get why the school says they can't move the book series to an older classroom, which the book series is obviously meant for. Nobody seems to be arguing that the book is meant for 2nd or 3rd graders. They just are saying that the district has implemented the American Reading Company book program and they can't do *anything* about that. As if I was asking them to get rid of the program altogether. The way they were talking is as if if "Fifty Shades of Grey" were written at a 3rd grade level (which according to some reviews I've read, it about is), they'd put it in the 3rd grade-level bins inside a 2nd grade classroom. I don't get it.

 

And I know B&M school isn't for me. I knew that before I got pregnant. The only reason C ever ended up in a B&M school was because he was massively speech delayed at the same time that we were extremely poor, my wife was unemployed and unmedicated bipolar, and I was pregnant with B. And after that, C actually liked school. I'm pulling him out next year though. I'm just not used to seeing myself as helicopter-ish... we're not parenting them in a G-rated (or PG-rated) way.

 

The rigidness is part and parcel of B&M schools honestly, particularly any public school. Basically in order to educate so many students they need to be efficient, this is not the one-room schoolhouse with 1 teacher and 40 students where the teacher can decide what to keep in the classroom and change details easily. This is a large top-down school system where teachers must teach the approved curriculum that the school purchases for them and trains them in. To remove one book seems like no big deal to us as parents but for them they get this panicked mindset of "if we removed every book one parent didn't like we'd have no books!" There's also the fact that *just* moving the book to the middle school is way outside the principals' jurisdiction. He cannot do ANYTHING at a school not his own, not even share materials because then he'd have to record where the book went and why and the middle school principal would not want it because they likely use a whole different leveled reader program, etc. Even moving it to a higher grade classroom at the same school has the same problem, he'd have to keep track of why one of these classroom readers was missing and where it went and why and he'd need to convince the 5th or 6th grade teacher to take the book when he/she might not have a good reason to even have it around. 

 

This is one major reason my kids don't go to B&M, it'd drive me nuts dealing with the drivel and fluff they would be encouraged and required to read. It's like the cafeteria version of literature....small samples of tasteless and overdone junk that will technically keep the kid 'fed' but long-term isn't nourishing to them as a whole child. 

 

So I think you just need to alter your mindset for as long as he is in school and try to focus on the advantages. It's hard, especially with a younger child who obviously you're wanting to bring up with a taste for good literature and an appropriate sense of morality about the world. So I understand your concerns but I agree with PP's that the best way to handle it is to have written a brief email to the teacher about the book being more geared towards teens and use it as an opportunity for discussing discernment in reading with your 7 year old. 

[Jenny in Florida]

The rigidness is part and parcel of B&M schools honestly, particularly any public school. Basically in order to educate so many students they need to be efficient, this is not the one-room schoolhouse with 1 teacher and 40 students where the teacher can decide what to keep in the classroom and change details easily. This is a large top-down school system where teachers must teach the approved curriculum that the school purchases for them and trains them in. To remove one book seems like no big deal to us as parents but for them they get this panicked mindset of "if we removed every book one parent didn't like we'd have no books!"

 

I suspect it also has to do with the fact that this "one book" is part of a purchased program. The school (or district) has purchased what is, in effect, a supplementary curriculum, which they are testing. If they begin mucking about with the contents of the bins in response to the complaints and opinions of various parents, they are not using the program as intended. At the very least, this means they will not be able to assess whether the program is effective and should be expanded to other schools, but it is also possible they have signed contracts indicating that they will use the program as it is intended. 

 

I honestly don't know how likely the contract thing is, but the point is that, to you (original poster), as the parent of one child who objects to one book, this looks like such a simple, small-scale thing. Just move that book. But to teachers and administrators looking at the needs of an entire student population and coping with the rules and bureaucracy of a school or district, there are a whole lot of potentially complicating factors.

[luuknam]

I suspect it also has to do with the fact that this "one book" is part of a purchased program. The school (or district) has purchased what is, in effect, a supplementary curriculum, which they are testing. If they begin mucking about with the contents of the bins in response to the complaints and opinions of various parents, they are not using the program as intended. At the very least, this means they will not be able to assess whether the program is effective and should be expanded to other schools, but it is also possible they have signed contracts indicating that they will use the program as it is intended. 

 

I honestly don't know how likely the contract thing is, but the point is that, to you (original poster), as the parent of one child who objects to one book, this looks like such a simple, small-scale thing. Just move that book. But to teachers and administrators looking at the needs of an entire student population and coping with the rules and bureaucracy of a school or district, there are a whole lot of potentially complicating factors.

 

Thank you. The amount of bureaucracy going on in school systems in the US is mind-boggling to me. I don't get how anyone can run a school under these circumstances.

 

P.S. I'm over the book.

[MBM]

The books for free reading at all three of my kids' schools were a mish mash of what the teacher chose and gifts given to teachers from other parents, usually from one of the book sales events.

 

 

[Momof1plustwins]

I believe I may have stronger feelings about this than most.

How big is this classroom book bin, that the teacher doesn't have time to give each book a quick check before turning her students loose in it, If only to get an idea of who the readers are that the book is written to. I don't mean she should read each book cover to cover. However, I think its her responsibility to flip through each one and skim it. I don't think that's too much to ask.

I personally believe that a book speaking of parties until after midnight could potentially have more questionable content as well. Who wants their kids (encouraged?) to have late night parties? What does that have to do with working teens anyway. It sounds like a book to instill rebellion rather than responsibility.

 

JMO

[Annie G]

I believe I may have stronger feelings about this than most.

How big is this classroom book bin, that the teacher doesn't have time to give each book a quick check before turning her students loose in it, If only to get an idea of who the readers are that the book is written to. I don't mean she should read each book cover to cover. However, I think its her responsibility to flip through each one and skim it. I don't think that's too much to ask.

I personally believe that a book speaking of parties until after midnight could potentially have more questionable content as well. Who wants their kids (encouraged?) to have late night parties? What does that have to do with working teens anyway. It sounds like a book to instill rebellion rather than responsibility.

 

JMO

 

Well, it was a New Year's Eve party, and those typically do last until after midnight. Even when our kids were little they were allowed to stay up until midnight on New Year's Eve.  It wasn't unusual to have friends spend the night on NYE. 

By the time our kids were about 11, if they had friends over for the night they did their own planning.  Snacks, activities, etc.     I doubt the book had instructions for spin the bottle or sneaking out to tp a neighbor  so it's probably not going to corrupt kids. 

 

I'm not defending that it's quality literature, but it can be hard to screen for every objection. I know lots of parents who won't let their kids read the Junie B Jones books because she's so mouthy. 

[PamJBA]

DD(7) once brought home a school library book titled "Are Haunted Houses Real?" I wasn't thrilled since we have nightmare issues, but DD picked the book out herself.

 

Around here they use AR for leveled reading. They have random books in the class divided by AR book level. The library books are also color coded by AR book level range. I kept track of DD's book level and provided her with age appropriate books in her range. I assume you can do the same with whatever system they are using at your school. Then, if your DD brings home a book you find unacceptable, you can provide her with other choices that would fit with the school's reading program.

 

I don't censor DD's reading, but I do express my opionion. I won't purchase just any book for her. She can make her own selections at the library, however.