Soror Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I just reported something this week and although I felt I couldn't' ignore it I still have a horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm likely going to lose at least one friend, in all likelihood multiple friends and acquaintances(thankfully at least not a close one) and I'm afraid I'm going to end up smeared in the process. No matter how it ends up it is going to be bad :( Horrid if there is some big repercussions as I don't want to see anyone in trouble but what if things are swept under the rug. On one hand I hope I'm wrong but then if I'm wrong, the backlash will be even worse. I checked and rechecked my info and I've offered all that I have as I don't want anyone to take my word, I told them I want them to make sure the mistake isn't on me. Doing the right thing doesn't always feel good :( and I hate waiting for the shoe to drop, I just know it is going to get ugly.... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Hugs to you. This is a tough spot in which to find yourself. I hope the fall out isn't as great as you fear. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 It sounds like you thought things through and had to do what was right. I hope it ends much better than you think it will, but if you know you did the right thing and people give you a hard time about it and don't respect you for your decision, maybe those people aren't worthy of your friendship. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Think if you did not report it, and your gut feeling was right. How would you feel? It is always best to try to do what is right. Hugs to you 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Yes, twice in church settings. My method of deciding whether or not to get involved was to ask myself if making theTRUTH known in this case was worth losing all my friends and connections, having to uproot my family, letting some people (even people that I'd known my whole life and who had loved me) think my character was poor, letting the rumors happen. If the answer was yes, I knew it was time to do it. Once I ended up in a faction that agreed, once it was all out in the open. That situation ended in a lot of reconciliation for all sides, in the long run. Good outcome. The other time I lost everything including my reputation (smear campaign and blackballing). Children were being harmed, though, so there was no other way to take it but that my losses were worth it. Doing nothing was NOT an option. The appropriate steps were taken, changes were made. But I was collateral damage. I will say a prayer for you to make the right decisions, whatever they may be, and to suffer as little as possible as a result of doing the right thing. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Yes, I hope that it ends better than I think. I took it to someone else whom I think will be able to handle the situation better than I ever could and are the ones that needs to know. I do have someone with me on the inside that have told me they are in agreement and if I didn't do it they would have, that helps, I wish I had her attitude that I don't care what others say or think. If anyone remembers I posted about a group I was involved with before and there was some fishy goings on, I wasn't surprised to see what appears to be confirmation but sure disappointed as I didn't want to be in this position. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 I will say no one is being harmed (physically) but I couldn't possibly move forward with the trust of people and ignore it, it reflects poorly on the integrity of me and the rest of the group involved. It seems like in situations like this people keep on doing it until they get caught. I think it has likely been going on a long time tbh, not necessarily consciously, I'm sure it was small to start, maybe there is some absentmindedness, I just think of a possible reasonable excuse for what I'm seeing now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Sometimes doing the right thing hurts the most. But, your conscience would probably have eaten you alive if you hadn't blown the whistle. I hope things turn out for the best for you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ikslo Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I work in QA, so I report everything, every time. Sometimes it really sucks, but you get used to people not liking you. At least at work. Personal relationships it is harder to deal with, IME. It's a whole lot easier for me to separate my emotions when it is work-related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2myboys Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 It sounds like you did the right thing. ((hugs)) It is not easy though. I hope everything will turn out better than you hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 No I haven't, but I admire you for doing what is right even when it's so hard. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 My FIL had been a whistle-blower within his church about child abuse. It was being swept under the rug and FIL was pushing the issue within the church. This was in the 70's and he wasn't ready to go to the police yet because he had faith in the church to do the right thing. When the father (bad guy) murdered most of his family and then killed himself. Even afterward, people were trying to sweep the abuse under the rug and portray FIL as the bad-guy. Even with proof-positive that bad guy was a bad guy and not the pillar of the community that he portrayed. Not a happy ending by any stretch. But, I mention it so that if your situation goes south, that doesn't mean you weren't right to say something. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 :grouphug: I have not been in that kind of situation. Hugs to you for doing the right thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I did have to be a whistle blower in a church situation, and I lost a lot of friends. It was awful, but at the end of the day I am glad I did it or I would not be able to live with myself. ETA: I still remember the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and the way I felt. I felt bad over losing my friends for almost a year. Then I gained perspective that friends who couldn't stand behind doing the right thing were not good friends anyway. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Yes, I have had to be the whistle-blower. In each case, it involved a crime and/or criminal abuse. I hated it. In the process, I lost people I cared about. I also lost my reputation due to blackballing, gossip, and ugly behavior by the guilty. FWIW, I learned that the losses were better than the guilt of not reporting, and I learned that reputation can be regained. Integrity will always stand. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I did have to be a whistle blower in a church situation, and I lost a lot of friends. It was awful, but at the end of the day I am glad I did it or I would not be able to live with myself. ETA: I still remember the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and the way I felt. I felt bad over losing my friends for almost a year. Then I gained perspective that friends who couldn't stand behind doing the right thing were not good friends anyway. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. This. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I remember the thread where you shared more information and am glad you are speaking up. I bet there are others who felt the same but were too afraid to make waves. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 I remember the thread where you shared more information and am glad you are speaking up. I bet there are others who felt the same but were too afraid to make waves. :grouphug: Now I have some proof, lots of kind of fishy things, some things that look blatantly bad, I can't imagine an explanation. Gross mismanagement is the best case scenario, although that can only account for so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Something else.... I was wholly unprepared for people - who had no stake in the events - to ostracize me and my kids. And in one case, to be absolutely, unequivocally rude and mean to my child. And, I was mad for a long time - still am sometimes - towards the people that knew better, but didn't speak up. I, in a way, lost them too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Yes. I'm glad I did it. It was terribly hard, but the right thing to do. Pray a lot. In the long run, you'll be glad you can look at yourself in the mirror and know you did what was right. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Multiple times. DH teases me about it because he's never been put into the situations like I have been. Everything from government contract fraud to a relative driving impaired from dementia. And one way or another, I've always paid for it too. Poor performance appraisals at work, lost friends and relatives who keep me at arm's length, you name it. But I'm not one to sit around. I'll take a hit for that and the peace that comes from doing the right thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Yup, I have and it is tough. I am involved in a church situation right now and I have been involved in work situations in the past. There is one situation I wish I had reported and didn't and to this day I regret not standing up. But there are plenty of times where I do stand up, even if I am alone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cottonwood Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Yes, currently in one of these myself. But the health and safety of my dd's friend is greatly at risk by her behavior, plus ...well other huge negative consequences. Like you, I have made sure I know the truth and Ive waited 8 months to finally blow this whistle. The ripple effect has been huge and now my dd is being discredited in ordér to smoke screen the whole thing. Eh....5 other adults knew everything and didnt have the strength to do the right thing. Often the good guy is the bad guy...thats just the way it is. I say do what you know is right and hold your head up high as the chips fall. Friends that you may loose in the process may not have been worthwhile friends after all. Honor your own conscience and integrity and you will be happy you did. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I really don't want to "like" many of these posts, because there is a lot of pain there, but the overwhelming message is that even though it is hard, it is worth it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Is whatever is happening unethical or harmful? Would you feel worse if you did nothing? Sounds like you have assessed the situation and evaluated this course of action for a while. Also sounds like you have courage. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 yes I have in the past. I wish I had at other times, and am currently blowing a whistle long and hard but nobody is listening. I will continue to blow and blow until I finally get someone to act and serious investigations start. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 As I was climbing in bed last night, I thought of this thread and thought, "There is a reason 'Don't shoot the messenger' is a saying." I have never been aware of any whistle-blowing personally. Maybe I'm lucky and never been anywhere it was needed, or maybe just oblivious (equally likely). I know I've never seen anything that needs it. But, in the future, if I know of someone, I will be actively kind to them. I am certain that I would blow the whistle, though. But I am a "march to my own drummer" person, so there wouldn't be any angst. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Answering the subject line question, yes. Twice. Both times I lost my job over it. But the joke is on them. Things worked out OK and I got to keep my integrity. :0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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