Has anyone here stopped homeschooling just because you didn't WANT to anymore?

[Janie Grace]

This is year eleven. Our older kids are in brick and mortar schools but I still have two little ones at home that I'm homeschooling. They are delightful and easy to teach but I have so little desire or enjoyment left. I never wanted to be a teacher... I am much more of a solitary, project-oriented worker. I have homeschooled because I thought it the best foundation for my kids. But we now live near one of the best public schools in the state and I'm just not convinced that I'd be dooming them to send them there. Sometimes I worry that my lack of passion is going to translate into a "blah" attitude towards learning on their part. 

 

I guess I'm just thinking out loud. When do you know it's okay to say "I'm done" and not feel guilty? I cannot even believe I'm considering sending a kid to public kindergarten next year, but... I'm so weary and restless and done-feeling. 

[PrincessMommy]

yes and no.   I stopped for various reasons, but a big one was that I was *done*.  The fire had gone out of my belly a good 3-5yrs before, but I kept trudging along and not really giving it my all.   No, I don't feel guilty because it was time to retire and move on.....and we had good alternatives for the younger 2.   I do miss my kids during the day and miss doing read-alouds...but I don't miss homeschooling.

 

 

[PeterPan]

This is year 11 for us and same deal.  I'm doing K5 and wondering WHERE all that enthusiasm 11 years ago came from!  I'm not in quite the luxurious position to toss off because ds has SN that make home basically the only place where he'd do well right now.  But yeah, that "I'm ready to retire!" bug keeps calling me.

 

One thing I do is remind myself he's basically an only with a largely independent (or self-driven) high schooler sibling.  I ask myself what I would do if I didn't have homeschooling and am trying to do a better job about scheduling those things in.  Maybe make more time for yourself and bridge that?  Shake it up?  New curriculum, new adventures?  I'm doing homeschool days at the zoo every month, classes at the Y, things we didn't do the first time around, just making it different and special in its own way.

[Chris in VA]

Wellllll....

 

Yes.

 

I could have continued to homeschool a very reluctant dd who was praying--PRAYING--she could go back to school for 7th grade.

 

I regret the decision somewhat, but it was covered by grace, and it seems to be working out ok. Seems like I could've spared her and us (her parents) some heartache, but no one can say what the path not taken truly held in store.

[FairProspects]

I haven't quit yet, but I often wish I could. However, both my boys are 2E and would be a poor fit for a classroom environment. Homeschooling is the least worst option for our family for the moment. I do enjoy it, but I don't know that it is what I would choose anymore if there were better options or if our situation was different. I'm hoping better options exist in the future but I don't know that they will.

[momacacia]

I hear ya, only I haven't been doing it as long, obviously. Is that a really bad sign? The kids are very sweet, but teaching K spelling and phonics again and managing toddler running around and harassing  encouraging oldest to stay focus on her work all.day.long. as well as manage the healthy food and "gee, we should vacuum once a week!" is just not something that gets me out of bed every morning. While I love curriculums and the learning and all that we could do, I'm mentally and physically exhausted and when I visit schools on open house days, I long for the focus and direction they can bring to their teaching and learning--both for myself and especially my oldest. It's exhausting being the parent and the educator. Tried to listen to a lecture about Ancient India during dinner tonight--how could anyone hear over the din created by the three small people--and I was the only who really cared to hear what was being said.

 

And yeah, the solitary, project-oriented worker is a great way to describe me. Thanks for the verbiage. I can think of multiple menial tasks that I'd rather perform than going into teaching, which is why I don't think of myself as a teacher, but more of as an educator. Word games help sometimes. :lol:

 

((hugs))

[kroe1]

Switched to video streaming instead of me teaching. Does that count? I needed to fire myself as teacher because I was not effective anymore.

[HappyGrace]

I have a 9th and 6th grader, and I would LOVE to be done (we've always homeschooled). If we had a good school option around here, I would totally send them.

 

I liked homeschooling when they were younger, but I feel my enthusiasm is just gone. We've had a lot of health and other issues here, so that has all  completely drained me.

 

Plus I'm in my mid-40s with an older husband (who isn't in great health), no retirement savings, paycheck to paycheck, etc. I feel like I should go back to school NOW before I get much older so I can get into some career to help out financially.

 

My best case scenario though would be to send them to a good school and financially be able to just stay home-that is my dream!

[Anne in CA]

If you have a good school, and you don't feel like it, absolutely you should send them if your dh agrees and there are not good reasons for them not to go. I LOVED being a home school mom. My youngest is 14, no longer wanted to home school and we have a wonderful school that she is districted to, so, away she went. As much as I LOVE learning, and checking off assignments, ps was a better option for us. I can't even visit the general board to give newbies advice because it makes me too sad, lol.

 

So, if you don't feel like it, I don't think you should do it. I think you are entitled to do what it is with your day that makes you happy. If it isn't bringing you joy to sit on the couch and read History of the World, there are lots of other great ways to be a great mom that might make you happy.

[Starr]

Just remember going to school still means a lot of school time with the kids. I think I would rather teach youngsters than get them ready for school, do homework, have them home only when tired, take them to after school activities, fund raise,....

[momacacia]

^^^This. What Starr said. I try to remind myself of that...that I'd still be nagging about getting homework done (and helping with/overseeing it for quite a while), and nagging about keeping their room picked up and habit training---but, there is also the reality that I would have at least a 3 hour "break" everyday to keep up the house, get more business work done without background noise and have myself halfway ready for the day by the time I'd have to pick them up from school or the bus, and that would be "their time" focused on them. I just know that the latter is the reality of my SAH kids-in-school mom friends. They have time to shop the sales for cute clothes and home décor after 9am, and at 3pm turn off the rest of their lives to focus on mommying. :001_rolleyes:

[redsquirrel]

Burn out is real.

 

Heck, SWB decided to take some time off from teaching her kid or kids, and outsourced for a while.

 

It happens. I've watched some friends crash and burn and go from being engaged and active homeschooling teachers to someone who is just passing the time.

 

Kindergarten at school can be a great thing. Kindergarten and first might be better. Send the kid off and then bring him or her home if it feels like the right thing to do.

 

You will still be a good mom, you haven't failed anyone. And sometimes it can feel good to 'just' be the mom for a while.

[Okra]

I say send said child to public kindergarten.  My kids LOVED kindergarten.  They had crafts everyday.  They had paints out almost everyday.  They had new stuff to play with.  They had new toys on the playground, that they got to play on almost every day.  Kids thought this was amazing.  And, you know what?  These things wouldn't happen at home because of all the busyness. 

 

You can send you child to kindergarten, take a break for yourself.  If you want to continue homeschooling in 1st grade, then you can do it then!

 

If you decide to keep on with school, then that's good too.  One of mine went to public school her whole school career.  While there were times where some things might have been better at home, overall, she had good experiences.  It really is okay to send a kid to public school, especially if they are good public schools!  You can always home-school again if you or your child wants.

[momee]

I agree with so much of this but for me, personally, I have to learn to do well what I don't necessarily "feel" like.  The one practical thing I'm doing to change my attitude?  I am volunteering for two hours per week at a historical site where I am learning from THE BEST gardeners how to prune, grow veggies and be outside.  That's provided a bit of "me" time.  I have teens so they're more than capable (and actually are rising to and above the occasion) to get dinner ready and handle home while I do what refreshes me.  It is working!  I'm making friends and I'm learning SO MUCH.  Plus, the views, the history, oh my.

 

As far as the hard grunt work of it all...

This may sound "trite" and like I'm being dramatic but I AM gaining my kids hearts, having time to talk to them about weighty issues that might be swept under a rug if we weren't spending so much time together and they were busy with ps stuff.  

 

There is eternal (I believe it) value in those discussions, those moments of "let's calm down and talk this out", "let me have your ear for a minute and tell you what I see".   Yes, doing Algebra is hard.  Yes, reading yet another historical biography is taxing.  Yes, I am sick of grammar lessons.

BUT...what a privilege TO MY KIDS to do so.

 

Don't forget your initial vision.  Your desire to bring your kids (or keep them) home and school this way is not to be taken lightly.

 

My life verse this year and last (seasons of burnout, exhausted, high stress and some high maintenance changes including bringing two elderly relatives to live with us AND building a new house) has been 

Galatians 6:9New Living Translation (NLT) 9 So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

I hope you continue to seek support.  We're working hard and need encouragement.  We need~! to talk this out.  It's ok to not feel like it.  It's ok to have to learn ourselves to press through (isn't this what we desire to teach to our kids?)

 

You know, having been around here ten years now, I can sense a dramatic change on the boards.  Do what feels good to YOU.

 

Well, guys, I'm sorry, I'm going to say it.  Parenting isn't about what feels good to us.  It's about what's doing what's best for our kids.  

For some, that does definitely mean sending them to school.  If you're angry, resentful, bitter, raging, whatever...you're doing NO ONE good.  If you're lazy and sleeping in and unprepared and not providing rich material for them to learn that's no good either.

 

BUT

for others, it means buckling down.  Finding something you're all eager to learn about.  Taking time to smell flowers.  When's the last time you went on a nature walk?  Took the day to just read and talk?  Those are gifts.  Days are short.  If tomorrow you woke up and didn't have these kids and this grammar and this task of homeschoolilng - wouldn't you miss it?  Dwell on what is good and true and noble and lovely.  

I'm talking to myself here as I go on, so sorry for the rambling.  I say (to myself!) trash the negative unlovely, unhelpful, untrue! thoughts and do what is so worth it.

HTH

[FaithManor]

Yes, I took a two year break when dd was in 5th and 6th grade and I had three boys under four years and younger. I needed a break. It was a good time for us, she loved her private school, and I needed the breather. Truth be known, if ds had not had a health issue during his kindergarten year, I might never have gone back to it. Going back into the work place full time would have meant we could afford the very excellent private school for all of the kids, and the Lutheran high school in the city that was unaffordable to us on single income. DD would have really blossomed at that high school since she is a natural, social butterfly, and that school is amazing. Her opportunities would have been far greater than anything we could provide through homeschooling. But, we had to keep him healthy which meant getting everyone out of that round robin of sickness that tends to happen when hundreds of kids are cooped up together. In the end, it did work out. I had to adjust my attitude about not going back to my career when I so desperately wanted to because the kids' needs had to come first. It was hard. I won't lie. But it did work out well, and I am grateful for the time with the kids. Every situation and every homeschooling parent is different and presents with their own unique set of challenges so what is right for one family is not necessarily right for the next. It's entirely individual. There shouldn't be any judgmental spirit about the choices we each make. There is something to be said for the family that has a content, fulfilled, emotionally well fed set of parents. Not every parent can be intellectually, emotionally, spiritually stable doing this job the same, and it does impact the family. Only you can know what is best for your individual situation.

 

I will be throwing a huge party for myself when the last one graduates. I'm on the home stretch with one senior, one junior, and one freshman. It's been an amazing journey, but I am also looking forward with enthusiasm to that chapter in our lives coming to a close.

[Amira]

My older two in high school are still homeschooling and I expect we'll keep going with them, but one is doing an online high school and the other has some online classes and I'm not very involved with his schoolwork either (thank you, WTM Academy).  My first grader goes to school because I really needed a break.  It's possible he'll need to homeschool sometime depending on where we live, and it will always be an option (especially after the older two graduate in a few years), but I just didn't have it in me to start all over with another kindergartner last year.  We still afterschool a lot of what I would have done with him if he'd been home (SOTW, Miquon, and reading), but his day is filled with things he loves at school. I am, however, not the most involved parent at his school. If his school was requiring a lot of my time, it wouldn't be worth it.  

[momee]

"Not every parent can be intellectually, emotionally, spiritually stable doing this job the same, and it does impact the family. Only you can know what is best for your individual situation."

 

Very well said and I was so busy rambling on, I may not have said this sentiment but I should have!  :)

 

[Tap]

I am not homeschooling dd8 right now, because I don't want to.  She is SN and I know it would be best for her, but honesty, the just idea of trying to homeschooling her is so daunting that I can even fathom it. There isn't even the tinest bit of me that wants to home school her.

 

 

[LLMom]

I quit because I was too overwhelmed.  I used to hold a much different view of sending kids to school and have come to realize many things about moms needs.  Your needs are just as important as the kids.  Anyone can be their teacher but only you are their mom.  I have a lot of posts on my blog about this type of stuff if you want to check it out and share your experiences.

[ThisIsTheDay]

 

I guess I'm just thinking out loud. When do you know it's okay to say "I'm done" and not feel guilty? I cannot even believe I'm considering sending a kid to public kindergarten next year, but... I'm so weary and restless and done-feeling. 

 

 

First, I think you need to give yourself some grace!  This isn't "just because" you don't want to.  You have other options, good options.  Maybe there's not a "wrong" choice here.

 

Truly, if you are finding yourself weary and restless, it might be to the advantage of everyone for the kids to go to school.  THIS is a different family than the one you homeschooled before, not because your littles are different than the ones you were schooling, but because you're a mom who's grown, you have a different life, your priorities--while still your kids--have shifted as ALL of your kids have grown up and changed.

 

The best part is 1) that you do have another great option, and 2) that whatever you decide for next year is not set in stone.  You aren't committing the next 12 years to any one option. You can always change your mind if you decide that your choice is no longer the right/best fit for you, your kids, your family.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[flyingiguana]

I didn't exactly "quit" because the kids were still at home, but I really couldn't take the minutiae of assignments and grading and planning any more.  As a result, we slowly slid into unschooling -- except for math.

 

By that point (middle school or so?) the kids could read and write so it wasn't like I was abandoning their education.  We watched a lot of  educational TV together, listened to a lot of lectures while doing housework, read the same books and discussed them, and talked A LOT about things that were mostly pretty educational.  Just.... no more assignments.  Except working through math.

 

In high school, my oldest mostly did AP tests that she wanted to do and then dual enrollment courses, along with a lot of extracurriculars.  So that was pretty much out of my hands, except that she needed a lot of help with the calc AP test.

 

My second has read voraciously, but she never wanted to do AP or dual enrollment.  So she spent a lot of time pursuing her own interests.

 

The question is -- is it homeschooling you hate?  Because that can be changed so it's more interesting to you.

 

Or is it just having the kids around the house all the time when you would rather be doing something else?  In that case, I'd just send them to school.  You can always pull them out in future years if your family decides homeschooling would be better for you all.

 

As already pointed out though -- one of the major reasons why I gave up on ps and went to homeschooling was because I just couldn't spend the TIME it took to get them to school, and home from school, and through their homework, and putting in the hours on counseling sessions for whatever had gone wrong that day.  I had a lot more free time with them home.

 

But there are a lot of ways to raise and educate kids.  Most of them work.

[flyingiguana]

I'll point out, though, that with the 2 kids I've put in to college so far, I'm still spending a LOT of time tutoring them.  It's just easier and cheaper for me to do it than to have to find and pay for a tutor.  (They seem to think I'm better at it, too -- often better than many of their professors, which has been kind of eye opening).

 

But that's not homeschooling, is it?

[catz]

I haven't (although my oldest started in PS), but I would.  I have told people before I think the number one ingredient to homeschool success and especially for young kids is an engaged, motivated, and willing parent.  If that's not you, try something else.  You can always switch it back up later if it's not going well.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I stopped for three years.  Just as my older two were going to brick and mortar schools (8th and 10 grades), my littlest was just starting first grade.  I did NOT want to start all over with her.  I was totally burned out.  We have a good little public school near us, and i placed her there.  It was a wonderful experience for her, and she made several sweet friends.  For second and third grade, they let her homeschool half days, so she went to school in the morning, and came home in the afternoon.  That got hard, always rushing here and there between drop off and pick up.  This year, I brought her home full time, and it's been grand.  I make sure she still sees her school friends regularly, and she's making new homeschooling friends as well.  She's learning and not complaining.  It's working for us now.  But, I'm not sure it would be if I had just trudged through homeschooling her when my heart wasn't in it.  

 

I've always taken homeschooling year by year, doing what was best for each child.  I told myself that if a school could do better than me, I'd send them to school.  And, as long as I could do better than the school (for that child, at that time), I would keep them home.  Three years ago, it was definitely better for my dd to be in school than to be home with me.  I don't at all feel guilt or regret for sending her to school.  The break was good for me.  I was able to rediscover a bit of myself as I rested from carrying the sole responsibility of educating my dd.  This year, I was ready to jump back in, and I wasn't happy with the teacher she was going to have at public school, and I was tired of wrapping our life around the school's schedule, so we're back home.

 

I'm rambling.  Bottom line: do what is best for your family at this time.  (And, your family includes you - 'cause if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy).

[Mimm]

Just remember going to school still means a lot of school time with the kids. I think I would rather teach youngsters than get them ready for school, do homework, have them home only when tired, take them to after school activities, fund raise,....

 

I think people exaggerate this though. Yes you still have to put in a lot of time on homework and so on , but for a certain number of hours a day, they're gone. Homeschool moms simply don't have that. I'm not saying it's easier overall, but don't underestimate the freedom this daily kid free time gives you. I've had my kids in private school, homeschooled and now one in public and one home (well two if you count the baby, and I'm sure she'd prefer to be counted!) :) When my kids were in private school, we had uniforms and lunches to pack and there was no bus so drop off and pick up every day and on and on. Yes it kept us busy (that's just life with kids) but no way would I consider it as much work as homeschooling. However, homeschooling has the freedom and flexibility aspect. You give up a lot of control putting them in a B&M school. 

 

Anyway, I don't think there's anything wrong with sending them just because you feel like it if they're going to be in a school you think they'll thrive in. A classroom can be a fun and enjoyable experience. I'm very glad I sent my 12 year old to half day preK five days a week when she was four. I really saw her blossom that year. It was a tiny classroom with a wonderful teacher and she loved it there. You may find that you love having them in school, or you may find that you very much want them back at home and the year off was just what you needed. :)

[Joanne]

I agree with so much of this but for me, personally, I have to learn to do well what I don't necessarily "feel" like.

 

You know, having been around here ten years now, I can sense a dramatic change on the boards.  Do what feels good to YOU.

 

Well, guys, I'm sorry, I'm going to say it.  Parenting isn't about what feels good to us.  It's about what's doing what's best for our kids.  

For some, that does definitely mean sending them to school.  If you're angry, resentful, bitter, raging, whatever...you're doing NO ONE good.  If you're lazy and sleeping in and unprepared and not providing rich material for them to learn that's no good either.

 

BUT

for others, it means buckling down.  Finding something you're all eager to learn about.  Taking time to smell flowers.  When's the last time you went on a nature walk?  Took the day to just read and talk?  Those are gifts.  Days are short.  If tomorrow you woke up and didn't have these kids and this grammar and this task of homeschoolilng - wouldn't you miss it?  Dwell on what is good and true and noble and lovely.  

I'm talking to myself here as I go on, so sorry for the rambling.  I say (to myself!) trash the negative unlovely, unhelpful, untrue! thoughts and do what is so worth it.

HTH

 

(Note that I never wanted to give up homeschooling, and I miss it daily)

 

With your post, however: Disagree. It's likely I fall into your "dramatic change to the boards" but what changed for me was an admission that I am a better PERSON when I am a whole person - mother, daugther, employee, student, sexual, playful, alone, with adults only.

 

To dismiss a range of choices that differ from mine as "what feels good to YOU" is invalidating and life diminishing. WOH moms who use public schools still make sacrifices and make decisions with their chidren in mind. Homeschooling, SAH moms don't have the corner of the market on informed parenting choices.

[momee]

"To dismiss a range of choices that differ from mine as "what feels good to YOU" is invalidating and life diminishing. WOH moms who use public schools still make sacrifices and make decisions with their chidren in mind. Homeschooling, SAH moms don't have the corner of the market on informed parenting choices."

 

I wasn't dismissing anyone's choices.  I wasn't referring to SAH moms or WOH (Work at home?  I'm not sure what that stands for).  Sorry for the offense, I was definitely not being clear if this is what you read me saying. 

I apologize.

 

[FO4UR]

tbh, I've got one child who makes it very difficult to get through the day.  He just also happens to be the one child who probably needs HSing the most.  Even so, I have had the talk with him that HSing is a unique opportunity and not something that I owe him. He has to take personal responsibility at the level that he is capable or he needs to go to the PS.  I have 4 kids to think about, and I will not allow him to monopolize our days with complaining/dawdling/picking on siblings.

 

I do not think ps would be the #1 option for *him.*  However, he's getting old enough to make decisions out of my control...one being to cooperate in our homeschool or destroy the day planned.  If he will not choose the former, then I will choose to not allow him the access to the latter.

 

It's going to be really REALLY difficult, but maybe he needs another voice in his life right now, and a school teacher can be that.  Sometimes academics are not the most important thing.  I fear he would regress without my daily, intensive tutoring.  But, maybe he'll also have the chance to see what his other options are (PS) and make better decisions, whether that be to HS again or take advantage of PS opportunities like band/sports. 

 

 

I fear that if we keep going like we are going I will majorly burn-out soon, and I desperately want to HS my little one. She had a brain trauma at birth, and having dodged all of the possible problems so far, I am bracing myself for some LD to pop up.  And maybe that's just an excuse, but it doesn't matter.  I want to ENJOY my days with her too...like I did with him when he was little.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

:grouphug:  I haven't stopped yet, but it's on my mind a lot lately. I'm so burned out, and I feel like I haven't done the stellar job I thought I'd do. I'm feeling like it might be time to admit I can't hack it *sigh*

[Amira]

I think people exaggerate this though. Yes you still have to put in a lot of time on homework and so on , but for a certain number of hours a day, they're gone. Homeschool moms simply don't have that. I'm not saying it's easier overall, but don't underestimate the freedom this daily kid free time gives you. I've had my kids in private school, homeschooled and now one in public and one home (well two if you count the baby, and I'm sure she'd prefer to be counted!) :) When my kids were in private school, we had uniforms and lunches to pack and there was no bus so drop off and pick up every day and on and on. Yes it kept us busy (that's just life with kids) but no way would I consider it as much work as homeschooling. However, homeschooling has the freedom and flexibility aspect. You give up a lot of control putting them in a B&M school. 

 

 

:iagree: Between getting my youngest ready for school, afterschooling a bit, and his regular homework, I definitely don't spend less time on school now than I did when my older boys were his age and homeschooling.  But I also don't have the hours and hours of time to fill the rest of the day.  School doesn't take long for a 1st grader and I'm glad to have someone else to play soccer with him, teach him about art, sing songs, take him to the library, and so much more.  Unless you're going to a coop or a lot of outside classes, homeschooling means that you're the one who's on call all day long.  You're everything to your child as a homeschooling parent and sometimes that's exhausting, especially if you do it for years.

 

There are definitely good and bad things about both choices.  I do hope I get to homeschool my youngest at some point, hopefully around middle school.  I miss the flexibility that comes with homeschooling.  But knowing that my son is safe and happy at school is priceless right now.

[kewb]

I feel totally burnt out but sending them to our high school is not an option. If I had the $$ I would outsource most of it.

[Negin]

I feel totally burnt out but sending them to our high school is not an option. If I had the $$ I would outsource most of it.

This. I'm really, really tired of homeschooling. I would hire a fabulous tutor if I could afford to do so. 

[Cafdog]

Yep.  Guilty.  DD and I had two great years (5th and 6th grade), but last year was awful.  We moved mid-school year to a much better school district, so that helped.  She is doing very well in 8th grade middle school at our local PS.  She had always wanted to go back to PS for high school, and we felt she needed a back-to-school transitional year in 8th grade.  It was the right call for both of us. 

[merry gardens]

Sorta. My DH wasn't supportive of homeschooling through high school, but ds#3 had wanted to homeschool high school. Eighth grade year with him was tough and I was thoroughly on board with his going to high school. We found a private high school that seemed like a perfect fit except it was over 30 minutes away. Well, within a few months of sending him there, I wanted to homeschool him again. I still do.