Oh my, Thanksgiving

[Night Elf]

I figured on a small Thanksgiving meal. I hate big family gatherings. Just me, DH and our two teens. But then I felt guilty thinking about my mom. I called and asked her plans. Nothing. So I had to invite her and my stepdad. Okay, now we're up to six. Not great, but doable. So then mom asked me about my sister. Oh great. I had hoped my sister would have her own plans and I told my mom that she probably did. But still, mom felt I should ask anyway. Guess what? My sister and her DH have no plans. Now we're at eight. Then my sister said it would be nice to invite her two children, and my nephew has a girlfriend who does everything with him. So if all 3 show up, I now have 11 people possibly coming into my small home around a table that fits 8. I have six seats. My mom offered to bring her card table and four chairs. I guess I can roll out the natty desk chair from my bedroom. I wish I hadn't started all of this.

[marbel]

Aw, I hope it turns out to be a nice day for you.  I really miss big family Thanksgiving gatherings. 

 

Just a practical suggestion:  do you have to use the dining room/kitchen table?    I frequently have bigger groups than my kitchen table can hold.  I serve buffet style and have people sit in the living room.  I bring out (and borrow) small tv-tray tables, folding chairs, etc.  Have done this for Thanksgiving and many other meals.  It works fine, is very casual and comfortable, and eases the table gridlock.

 

 

[Loowit]

I'm sorry.  I hope it goes better than you expect.  We are going to my IL's this year and I am not looking forward to it.  I would much rather be at home with just DH and my kids, but alas.

 

If it helps we never sit down at the same table for holiday meals.  No one has a table big enough.  At my parents house they use a couple card tables in addition to the main table.  At my IL's they have a couple of large collapseable tables that they put up.  Last year they rented chairs to make sure they had enough.  ILs tried to put their tables end to end one year and made a huge long table but it was a mess trying to pass all the food around.  I much prefer buffet style like my mom does it.

[Acadie]

I hear you.  

 

I've hosted more than I'd like, in the past few years, and I focus on trying to make it work for me.   What don't you like about larger gatherings?

 

Would buffet style, or smaller tables in different places make it feel more intimate?  Buy all the sides frozen, or from Boston Market (that creamed spinach is to die for!)?  Assign guests to bring a side dish or dessert?  Plan a morning or afternoon hike, an indoor or outdoor game, or a movie to make it less sitting around the table?  

 

When I started planning what worked for me--an easy roast in the oven, simple sides, and a hike late afternoon--I felt more relaxed, and like it was more my style.  Everyone needs to bring clothes and shoes to get muddy for Thanksgiving at my house ;)  

 

I hope it's better than you expect it will be!

 

Amy

[LucyStoner]

The snowballing holiday.

 

Assign everyone a dish to bring. Maybe set up the table as a buffet and eat in the living room? Keep it as casual and as stress free as possible.

 

Good luck!

[Tammyla]

That's what you get for being so nice.  I hope it all works out better than you imagine.

 

 

[Annie G]

I hope it turns out to be a great day for you guys. But hey, since you already have more guests than you really want, how about five more? Dh and I have two college age kids coming home for the holiday and one is bringing a friend. So...what time is dinner at your house?  I'll bring the wine. g

[Momof3littles]

After a rough string of family being discourteous, etc. the last few years, I am over it.  We usually host for 15-20, and this year I'm really tempted to just stick to our little family of 5.

 

Last year my oven died two days before Thanksgiving, and I spent the day before driving 1.25 hrs each way to pick up a part.  DH and my dad installed it, and shorted out the electronics (both are experienced with electronics so it wasn't crazy to have them attempt it).  That was fun.  I ended up using the microwave, range, a roaster, and bought a toaster oven. 

 

This year I'm just feeling over it!

 

 

[Matryoshka]

On Thanksgiving itself we always go to my mom's.  I make pies, my brother brings some sides, and mom makes the turkey and fixings. It's lovely.

 

On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, I host my dh's family, which consists of a 90-year-old woman who talks about herself and sometimes her cats, dead and alive, and a bunch of cranky old men (dh is the youngest; he's 55), all of whom are now divorced (so I get the 'host it' booby prize, as the only adult female family member under 90).  Sometimes monosyllabic nephew (20) shows up.  The bright spot is another nephew, who's a bit over 30, and last year he brought a girlfriend (yay!  a female!)  Actually, sometimes one of the BILs brings his girlfriend, which is also nice if it happens.

 

But I do it every year -well, almost... a couple of years one of my dds was in the Nutcracker and there were performances all weekend.  I suggested getting together at someone else's house (they could order pre-made food even if they couldn't cook!), or even going to a restaurant.  But nope.  Sigh.  It's the only time all year they all get together. I do the turkey, gravy, stuffing and potatoes, and sometimes a veggie.  I make the cranky men bring the rest.  I try to have a sense of humor about it...  the whole Sat. Thanksgiving tradition came from after dh's parents got divorced way back when he was a kid.  MIL has been to old to host for a while; we rotated for a few years between all the SILs until they all got divorced...

 

One day my mom will be too old to host on Thursday, and that will probably be the end of the in-law Thanksgiving.  If I have to cook a turkey on Thurs, it is not happening again on Saturday!

[KrissiK]

Well, that's what happens! I've got 30 coming for Thanksgiving. Happens every year. But, I've go a binder and a timeline and I start planning in October. You can do it!

[Mom in High Heels]

And this is why living thousands of miles away from your family isn't always a bad thing. ;)  It will just be the 4 of us, but I kind of hate cooking a big meal for us.  It's not like I don't cook for us every day.  It's a lot of work.  In Germany, everyone was in the same boat, so we all got together, and nobody had to do everything.  We all just decided who would bring what, got together at one house and had a great time.  I miss those days.

[LibraryLover]

:) lol  Not really laughing, as I always freak out when I know crowds are coming.  It's never emotionally simple. But! It really can be satisfying--- in the end. :)

 

I have four children, some  w/ SO.  7.  Add dh and me, and that is 9, which is the rock bottom number. Add sisters, brother, mother, father, aunts,  and their kids. lol  Plus other family & friends.  Until last year, I don't think I have ever had less than 15-20  at our place on that day.  The kids love it, and we all help, so its honestly lots of fun once the day arrives. The anticipation and shopping is more stressful, yes.   My kids so enjoy it, so I don't regret it, even if it is tricky in the planning/lead.

 

My MIL hosted hoards each and every Christmas +. It wasn't just her own family. Her house was crowded with friends and relatives. (She had 6 children, all married, all with 1-4 kids each).  She is gone now, and many of us have scattered, but my children remember those days with tremendous fondness (and huge sense of loss. That is difficult. But we had it. It makes us closer. It gives us memories.)

 

 Like my MIL, we just added tables. Little ones, big ones, card tables. Cheap tablecloths hide many ills. lol   Ikea is a good place for (less costly ?)  glassware and plates. I have some items stored in my basement, only to be taken out for parties. I like knowing it's possible.

 

When my time comes to host greater hoards (and I truly hope that will be my destiny), I hope my gatherings are as cherished.  If I get all crazy with anxiety, I will call in the troops to help (paid, if need be. Hahahahaha!  Although I hope not!!)  The memories from these gatherings still warm me. It must be so for the children, right?  I know my MIL worked really hard, but she got a lot of comfort being the center of the hearth. She was so warm and lovely. I really miss her, and while I always appreciated her, I appreciate and miss her even more as the years pass. The connection and tradition she gave our family was very special.

 

 

 

[gardenmom5]

if you invite family to thanksgiving, they'll probably want to invite other people too. . . . . (btdt. NEVER again.  )

 

with apologies to "if you give a mouse a cookie"

 

and yes, we always assgined out dishes. thanksgiving is basically a big family dinner - so family can contribute.

before thanksgiving, dh would send out a menu and people were expected to contribute a dish.  single males might buy something (a chocolate turkey from costco proved popular), but everyone was expected to bring stuff.   I finally reached the point I had to tell people to please bring a serving dish as I simply didn't have enough. despite having bought extras.)

[Mom in High Heels]

Is it bad that I kind of hate the holidays?  They are so freaking stressful.  Why do we make them so stressful?  We should be relaxing, not freaking out.

[gardenmom5]

Is it bad that I kind of hate the holidays?  They are so freaking stressful.  Why do we make them so stressful?  We should be relaxing, not freaking out.

 

after hosting for way too long, I came to hate thanksgiving.  my stress started in september, building as the days and weeks passed, and lasted until the beginning of december becasue I still had several days of totally cleaning up the mess and putting things back together.  energy I would much rather have expended on putting up my christmas tree.

 

now we aren't hosting (and I made it clear I won't.  ah, family politics.) - I don't care.  we have our kids (four are adults). it actually feels like a terribly small group .  . .

[Night Elf]

Oh you guys are funny! No, I'm not stressed about the menu. My mom and sister are splitting the menu with me, so they'll have as much to cook as I will. I buy a cooked ham so all I have to do is warm it. I'd like a turkey breast this year too, with so many people coming. I don't like our family gatherings because they are loud and I run out of things to talk about. And when I'm the hostess, I feel the need to keep everyone entertained. After dessert, we pull out Apples to Apples. Everyone loves that game and we can do that easily for an hour or more. I might start a new thread asking for other suggestions of large party games.

 

We're eating at 2:00pm. Wine appreciated. Chocolate would be even better. :)

[Night Elf]

Oh, I forgot to mention seating. My living area really is small. It's a U-shape with kitchen, dining area, and living room. We have a sofa and a loveseat in the living room, but I prefer everyone to have a seat at the table. My mom is bringing her card table, so some of us can eat in the living room. I can fit 8 people at the regular table, so all 6 of my chairs and 2 from my mom. Then the card table will have the other 2 plus a rolling desk chair. That gives me 11 seats for 11 people. But my niece and nephew might not make it, so we may not need the extra seating.

 

I'm not worried about dishes either. We're using nice paper pates and plastic cups. I think I will buy a few more serving spoons though.

[trulycrabby]

Yup, sometimes I long for the "good old days" when I worked 12-14 hour days in the er on holidays.

 

I hope your Thanksgiving day turns out to be fun for everyone! :grouphug:

[KrissiK]

Is it bad that I kind of hate the holidays? They are so freaking stressful. Why do we make them so stressful? We should be relaxing, not freaking out.

Christmas stresses me out more than Thanksgiving. I don't know why. I don't have any parties or gatherings to be responsible for. Maybe it's because I feel responsible for making it special. Or something. I just really hate Christmas. Thanksgiving, I'm good. Organization is the key.

[gardenmom5]

Laura Numeroff's next book lol

 

Off to search chocolate turkey

 

 

costco

[Mom in High Heels]

Christmas stresses me out more than Thanksgiving. I don't know why. I don't have any parties or gatherings to be responsible for. Maybe it's because I feel responsible for making it special. Or something. I just really hate Christmas. Thanksgiving, I'm good. Organization is the key.

 

I'm stressed about all holidays, and I think it's because I do feel responsible for making them special.  We don't even do that much, but I feel that if I half-ass it, everyone will be let down.  This is what I get for being so damn good at it! :)

 

Chocolate turkey?  What did I miss?  I'm all about chocolate.  I love chocolate oranges.  YUM!

[gardenmom5]

the body is hollow.  the head is solid.  (ds said it was hard to break off the head . . . )  think the tail feathers were solid too. . . . it's not thin.  

anyway, it was popular among boys, and mine requested it the next couple years.

 

hmm, should I look for one . . .  we have enough chocolate already - and that's without someone buying  a box of sees.   I haven't seen one in the warehouse this year, and it's not on the site.

Yeah, I searched it online. We don't have a Costco around us. That thing is huge!! Oh my. Is it hollow?

 

[OhanaBee]

 

 

 . . .  we have enough chocolate already - and that's without someone buying  a box of sees

 

I would kill to have someone bring a box of See's to my Thanksgiving!!

[gardenmom5]

you can order them online . . . . .

 

Costco sells coupons for sees, so there is a discount over the store price.

dh gives them out to clients who give him referrals.

 

I would kill to have someone bring a box of See's to my Thanksgiving!!

 

[KungFuPanda]

Unless I'm serving a normal meal for 6 or fewer, I don't even try to put the food on the table. I set up the buffet in the kitchen and everyone serves themselves. For my personal stress level, I like to roast the turkey slowly overnight, then slice it and make the gravy in the morning. I also do the masked potatoes early and keep them hot in a crockpot. The pies are baked the day before. This allows me to time everything else (included reheated turkey) to come out the oven at dinner time. It also gives me time to clean up before the meal.

 

I'm embarrassed to admit how long it took me to realize that my dining room wasn't the best place for gatherings over eight people. If you have any other room with more space, you may be able to put two tables end-to-end and comfortably seat 11. In my case, I have a family room turned into a dance studio. I've started putting the kitchen table and a folding table in there for dining and using the dining table (now devoid of it's chairs) as my buffet.

[KungFuPanda]

Christmas stresses me out more than Thanksgiving. I don't know why. I don't have any parties or gatherings to be responsible for. Maybe it's because I feel responsible for making it special. Or something. I just really hate Christmas. Thanksgiving, I'm good. Organization is the key.

Me too! I think it's because I love food but detest gift shopping.

[Baseball mom]

Sil always hosts the Thanksgiving meal (and all other meals).  They have a small house, the meal is served buffet style set up on the kitchen counters.  Some eat in the dining room, some eat in the living room on TV trays.  Most of the time disposable dinnerware is used. 

It is a laid back affair.  Sil doesn't stress if her house is a mess, she doesn't stress if there is a change in the menu (she usually calls to ask you to bring something, dh has forgotten to add something to my list she asked me to bring but she doesn't freak). 

After we eat the football game is on TV and people sit around talking (about random crazy stuff)

 

If I hosted I would be stressed.  I guess I am not as laid back as SIL

[KrissiK]

Sil always hosts the Thanksgiving meal (and all other meals). They have a small house, the meal is served buffet style set up on the kitchen counters. Some eat in the dining room, some eat in the living room on TV trays. Most of the time disposable dinnerware is used.

It is a laid back affair. Sil doesn't stress if her house is a mess, she doesn't stress if there is a change in the menu (she usually calls to ask you to bring something, dh has forgotten to add something to my list she asked me to bring but she doesn't freak).

After we eat the football game is on TV and people sit around talking (about random crazy stuff)

 

If I hosted I would be stressed. I guess I am not as laid back as SIL

This is how I do it. Except that I do set up tables everywhere. It's a buffet, and people just hang around all afternoon. We have the football games on. I make sure there's a new football and soccer ball for the littler boys and a basket full of card games for the teens. I set up a craft table in dd's room for the little girls, stocked with junk from the Dollar Store. I have a nice coffee/tea bar with yummy creamers and such.

[Night Elf]

Thinking about hosting Thanksgiving was stressful enough. I like Christmas to be laid back too. This year my sister has decided the entire family needs to get together. That is going to be at my grandmother's house in mid-December. That's about 15 people. With that gathering though, I can make excuses and leave when I want to. My limit is 2 hours.

 

For Thanksgiving, I've decided I'm going to make extra desserts. Maybe pie and brownies can get me through the day. It will just have to be a no-tracking food day.

[BlsdMama]

We've been away for a few years so it finally sounds good to me to do family gatherings. ;). I offered to do Christmas and Thanksgiving for DH's side. It makes more sense.... We have the space to comfortably seat 20+ people, especially since we are more than half of them.

 

Growing up, both of my parents' families rented halls. Two grandparents, twenty-two "kids," and 30+ grandchildren on each side - no one really wants to host, lol!

 

Mil said she'll do Turkey Day but is taking me up on Christmas because they leave for Florida the next day. :). I'm excited, but I like the idea of not leaving my house. I would MUCH rather host any day than have to pack everyone up, go without naps for littles, drive, etc.

 

Maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised?

[Lisbeth]

No is a complete sentence. ;)

[ksr5377]

Growing up we always got together with both sides of my family for all the holidays.  My Dad's family is the 'small' one and there were usually at least 25 people there.  Always serve buffet style.  Both sides usually set up a few extra card tables (if they had them) but other than that, we could eat wherever.  We would squeeze into one room before eating for prayer, and other than that, it was really laid back.  This is how my mom hosts now and everyone on my DH's side as well.  The only time we sit at a table to eat a holiday meal is at my MIL's where it's just her and my family.  And yes, I would ask people to bring food. 

[gardenmom5]

I don't care for the assortments either.

I like the dark chocolate chip truffles, and the dark caramels.

ds really likes the strawberry truffles they make for valentines.

at least with the online site, you can order exactly what you want, and don't have to stick with a pre-mixed box.

When I lived in California we got See's every year. I've realized I don't like assorted chocolate much, though, because I only like a couple per box lol. Anyway, one day I stumbled across a small See's store in a casino here in Mississippi. I wonder where else they are hiding. That location doesn't come up in store locator results.

 

[J-rap]

Some of the best memoirs I have read include loud, awkward, funny holidays with extended family.  :)