AimeeM Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I'm seeing red. A million shades of red. Today I received a FB friend request from a very old family friend. This is a woman who is about 10 years my senior, was MY sitter growing up, and she was/is very close to my parents (first my mother and father, and then my father and She Who Must Not Be Named). I adore her. She unfriended me a couple years ago and I had no clue why. I hoped she was well, as I know she was struggling with some things, and then life just got in the way and I kind of just forgot about it. Today she sent me a friend request. I accepted. Then I receive a PM. A very, very odd PM. I read it. Then I re-read it. Then my mouth fell open and my face just went kind of :huh: . Then I read it yet again and was all :cursing: . Apparently, she knows I feel very alone, I'm fairly miserable, and I'm hurting. I shouldn't push away those who can go to battle for me. She's more than willing to come to me, and speak to someone on my behalf. <----- at this point, I was pretty confused. But then... Oh, then... She commented on my upcoming surgery (nothing major). <------ this is a million shades of :cursing: come in. My father and step-mother/She Who Must Not Be Named visited her this past weekend. I know that much. While I haven't talked to step-mother in a very long time, I do talk to my father pretty reguarly. In fact, about a week ago I told him about my upcoming surgery. There is no other way (none) that my old family friend could have known about the surgery. I'm NOT mad about her knowing about the surgery (it was no secret). I'm angry because it's clear *someone* was bad mouthing MY famiy again. I'm angry because it's clear ONCE AGAIN, that *someone* is instigating. *Someone* did this before - with my own best friend, who came in from out of town to visit me; I was told that she (best friend) was instructed by *someone* to essentially spy on me, to make sure I wasn't being terribly controlled. Why did *someone* think I was being controlled? Because I wore different clothes than I used to. I kid you not, and I'm not exaggerting. I'm very tempted to make a phone call, but that would be breaking my OWN no contact plan. Is this her plan? If she can't break into our lives, try to get other people to do it? The entirety of the message from this old family friend relayed that she (family friend) is incredibly concerned... and I'm worried for HER that she is so concerned. I'm happy. I have a good life. My husband is a GOOD man (better than good); protective, kind, great with the kids, I have my way more often than not (lol), and affectionate - he's tired, he snores, and sometimes he sleeps later than he should, but that's about all I've got in the complaint department; I'm certainly do not feel the least bit lonely. In fact, there are days where I pay good money to a sitter to feel just a little bit lonely :p I'm overreacting. I know. I'm just fed up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 How totally bizarre! Type up a response to this friend in a Word document (so you won't accidentally send it). Look at it again tomorrow and revise it. Let is sit another day. Regarding She Who Must Not Be Named: do not even think about making a phone call. You'll only wind up having more trouble trying to get rid of her.... Keep with your no contact plan. You might also have to re-think what you say to your father. Yikes! Sorry you are having to deal with this craziness! For now - go out and take a walk. Eat ice cream. Watch a movie. Do anything you can to re-center yourself. Hang tough! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Everything I've ever read (mostly on these forums!) says do not reply. Delete the pm, act like you never got it, like her FB shares of bunny rabbits if you want, but DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS. Do not admit to ever even receiving it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Everything I've ever read (mostly on these forums!) says do not reply. Delete the pm, act like you never got it, like her FB shares of bunny rabbits if you want, but DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS. Do not admit to ever even receiving it. Brilliant, Tibbie, Brilliant! Yes - I agree. Forget any response to this FB friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I don't know anything about the background, but does your father know what his wife is doing? Can you let the family friend know you are perfectly fine, happy and contented with your life and that your dh isn't some controlling monster - if I'm reading correctly? I think I would be fed up, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I agree. Don't reply. Don't engage. Limit what you tell your dad in the future. I would also assume that this person is now behaving as a flying monkey for step-mother. If you don't want to unfriend her, you'd better lock down her access to your FB page because anything she reads/sees will be reported. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Don't respond. I'm firmly in the Don't Respond Camp. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2myboys Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 :grouphug: I am so sorry. I can only imagine how angry you must be. Please don't call. That is what she wants. As far as the PM, I would be tempted to respond with confusion saying that you must have gotten this message in error and you wanted to let her know so that she could send it to the correct person. ;) But that would depend on how personal the message was and how obvious that it was you. "I am sorry, but what you have heard is not true," would be a more direct way to handle things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2myboys Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Everything I've ever read (mostly on these forums!) says do not reply. Delete the pm, act like you never got it, like her FB shares of bunny rabbits if you want, but DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS. Do not admit to ever even receiving it. Yes. This sounds like a good way to handle it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyBC Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 So news of your surgery got relayed with all sorts of layers of *extra* drama that does not exist? Lovely. It sounds like you cannot convince SWMNBN that your husband is lovely and that you have a fine life together. And you can't control what she says (or how she says it) to others. The only sane thing is to say nothing. But my tongue would be bleeding from the effort. That sucks. I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 :grouphug: That is just . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Everything I've ever read (mostly on these forums!) says do not reply. Delete the pm, act like you never got it, like her FB shares of bunny rabbits if you want, but DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS. Do not admit to ever even receiving it. I totally agree. Ignore. Act like it never happened. If she persists, then you'll have to block her. I wouldn't answer her questions and engage with information to get back to you-know-who. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 I don't know anything about the background, but does your father know what his wife is doing? Can you let the family friend know you are perfectly fine, happy and contented with your life and that your dh isn't some controlling monster - if I'm reading correctly? I think I would be fed up, too. Yes, he knows. He prefers to remain oblivious and content in his wine, from what I understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Unfriend and move on. She's shown you she's a gossip and will feed info to your father's wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I would not call any one. Just ignore what you know to be true about who had been talking to her, and get the truth out without addressing the untruths possibly being spread. Write a return message saying how happy you are to hear from her, that you are very hopeful about the outcome of your surgery, and updating her on your life, your DH, and the kids in a positive way. Let her know that despite various medical issues, life is good. I would take the high ground in this. There is nothing you can ever do to keep *someone* from talking about you. All you can do is counter the misinformation with the truth. Show that you are calm and at peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 I agree. Don't reply. Don't engage. Limit what you tell your dad in the future. I would also assume that this person is now behaving as a flying monkey for step-mother. If you don't want to unfriend her, you'd better lock down her access to your FB page because anything she reads/sees will be reported. There's really absolutely nothing on my facebook page that could be misconstrued. There are pictures of a kid covered in markers, other kids doing school work, kids playing in the rain, and family movie night. She can knock herself out. I'm so angry right now. I told Tony. He finds it amusing. I so wish I had his ability to just be all "meh - it's kind of funny" :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 Unfriend and move on. She's shown you she's a gossip and will feed info to your father's wife. Do you think so? She just seems so terribly (sincerely) worried, that I'm worried for her. She really is a kind woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 Did I mention that SWMBN sent Tony another birthday gift? Monogrammed wine glasses :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Yes, he knows. He prefers to remain oblivious and content in his wine, from what I understand. I'm sorry. I would ignore what the friend wrote or else unfriend her on Facebook. No reason to bring more of that into your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 Everything I've ever read (mostly on these forums!) says do not reply. Delete the pm, act like you never got it, like her FB shares of bunny rabbits if you want, but DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS. Do not admit to ever even receiving it. I already responded to her. Nothing bad, because I really do like her. I just asked her what she was talking about (literally - that's all I said). I'm not mad at her. It doesn't read to me like she's trying to gossip... but I do believe she's acting on SWMBN's behalf... and I do (and this is why I responded to HER) believe that what ever *someone* has said to her has her very worried. I'm trying very, very hard not to call *someone*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Do you think so? She just seems so terribly (sincerely) worried, that I'm worried for her. She really is a kind woman. You could restrict what she sees (like I do to MIL) so that she knows she's still "friended" but can't find out anything about your life. I believe she's probably an innocent bystander with no evil motive, but you've learned two things: 1. She's inclined to take the enemy at face value (meaning she IS likely to communicate back anything she learns), and 2. She's willing to make very, very, very personal remarks and very, very, very intimate assumptions, uninvited. So yeah. I wouldn't unfriend b/c that would look like a response to the enemy who sent her. But I would restrict her from being able to see anything at ALL. Including pics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I would actually respond to the FB friend since you've indicated wanting a relationship with her. Explain simply that things are fine and She Who Must Not Be Named is loony (maybe not in quite those words of course :D ) and see if she is willing to accept that and be friends or if she is totally on your step mothers side. Don't contact your step mother, don't even acknowledge this to her or your father. Pretend it never happened with them. If you call you'll regret it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Oh I can just see SWMNBN waiting by the phone, checking her texts, and refreshing her email. She's just waiting for you to get in contact. Don't do it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Do you think so? She just seems so terribly (sincerely) worried, that I'm worried for her. She really is a kind woman. Being a kind person may won't prevent her from being manipulated. You know she already has been. She swallowed SWMNBN's lies about you and came running to check on you like a good little puppy. I think it's reasonable to assume that she will now go back to SWMNBN and report on her convo with you. And BAM! Just like that SWMNBN has opened up another roundabout channel of communication. AND she will likely deduce that you are angry and defensive, and thus vulnerable to more prodding. Hunker down and wait for the next tactic. Try to let go of the anger. Don't give her that power over you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Don't call "someone". I don't think it was wrong to respond to a person it sounds like you want to stay in contact with. If she tells you what she's talking about, all you have to do is to say "how strange." and let her figure out that she's been hearing false rumors. Don't run down "someone" but don't give her rumors any credence either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Unfriend the long-lost-friend. Do not engage the other. Embrace the power that keeping quiet holds. It was all just idle chatter among stupid-heads and you really can't be bothered with such things. Let it go. Be the duck. And never, ever let stupid-heads get you down! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 And, to agree with all pp: Do not call SHMNBN! Period. Don't do it. You will thank us tomorrow! :P Although, it might be very therapeutic to write down every bit of the tongue lashing you'd like to give her and stick it in a drawer for a few days. Re-read and burn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Everything I've ever read (mostly on these forums!) says do not reply. Delete the pm, act like you never got it, like her FB shares of bunny rabbits if you want, but DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS. Do not admit to ever even receiving it. I understand how tempting it is to engage, to tell this beloved person that someone has been lying to her. I *really* do - I also have a parent who remarried a...very needy?....person. It has fundamentally changed the relationship I had with my parent. It's maddening, and heartbreaking. But I must agree with Tibbie. Never let on to your folks that you know they said anything to her. If it were me, I would also stop sharing info with my dad that I didn't want twisted or shared. In fact, it's what I have to do in my own circumstances. ETA Oops, I should have read all the way through first. It's quite a bummer when you have to cut off desired relationships because others use them. You deserve a zillion hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 But the person you really want to respond to is she who must not be named, right? You think this old friend and sitter is being sincere and is a fine person, just being manipulated, yes? I would just send a PM back and say something like, "Nice to hear from you again. I think maybe you got the wrong impression somehow. No one's life is perfect, but things are pretty good. Surgery is scary, but it's not a huge deal. I really appreciate you thinking of me. Hope we cross paths soon." And if she tries to persist, then just don't respond. And as for she who must not be named, don't respond to her at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Since you care about this person I would tell her that everything was fine and someone gave her the wrong impression. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 If this long lost friend was at one point very close to you, and she personally has had no reason to distrust the loony step-mother, then one can't blame her for being concerned if she heard some bad things. That being said, messaging someone who you have not had contact with in ages and wording things as though you really know what's going on is rude, regardless of what one think is happening. Most healthy people would start off by asking how you're doing and what's happening before they jump into anything. Sounds like people I know. I wouldn't respond, but I wouldn't necessarily limit my fb friendship with her either. I'd let it sit for now. If she chooses to re-get to know you in a normal and healthy way, well great. But I wouldn't trust her too far because obviously she trusts the loony lady a fair amount. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 She was at one point (most of my life) very close to me... but she has had reason to distrust my step-mother. She herself has cut contact many times with my step-mother. This friend has suffered serious anxiety and depression over the years, which is why I'm concerned that she's concerned. If this long lost friend was at one point very close to you, and she personally has had no reason to distrust the loony step-mother, then one can't blame her for being concerned if she heard some bad things. That being said, messaging someone who you have not had contact with in ages and wording things as though you really know what's going on is rude, regardless of what one think is happening. Most healthy people would start off by asking how you're doing and what's happening before they jump into anything. Sounds like people I know. I wouldn't respond, but I wouldn't necessarily limit my fb friendship with her either. I'd let it sit for now. If she chooses to re-get to know you in a normal and healthy way, well great. But I wouldn't trust her too far because obviously she trusts the loony lady a fair amount. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 But the person you really want to respond to is she who must not be named, right? You think this old friend and sitter is being sincere and is a fine person, just being manipulated, yes? I would just send a PM back and say something like, "Nice to hear from you again. I think maybe you got the wrong impression somehow. No one's life is perfect, but things are pretty good. Surgery is scary, but it's not a huge deal. I really appreciate you thinking of me. Hope we cross paths soon." And if she tries to persist, then just don't respond. And as for she who must not be named, don't respond to her at all. That's a really great response. I think I may steal it, word for word. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 Since you care about this person I would tell her that everything was fine and someone gave her the wrong impression. I do care about her very much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I guess I would reply something to the effect of "Wow! Somebody is up to her old tricks again and seeing things that aren't there. Things are fine here. Surgery is no big deal. Hope all is well with you. " And then proceed with the cute bunny pics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 She was at one point (most of my life) very close to me... but she has had reason to distrust my step-mother. She herself has cut contact many times with my step-mother. This friend has suffered serious anxiety and depression over the years, which is why I'm concerned that she's concerned. Well, for me, this information changes things. Does she live near by, that you could go have coffee with her? You could be very careful in your conversation - it sounds, to me, that she is a victim, too - if your situation is anything like mine, the new spouse is terribly jealous of any relationship my parent had in a prior life, and causes difficulty in them. Maybe she is both genuinely concerned about you and needs some validation herself, especially if she's getting gaslighted by your stepmom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 In your position I would probably unfriend and ignore. It wouldn't be worth the time & effort TO ME to worry about what she'd be relaying to SWMNBN. I think what you said was fine but just be prepared for it to not be squashed so easily. Yes, he knows. He prefers to remain oblivious and content in his wine, from what I understand. I would severely limit my contact with my father in that case. What a betrayal for a father to be aware that his child is being puposely hurt & watch it happen, saying nothing. And I'd happily tell him why if he asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 Well, for me, this information changes things. Does she live near by, that you could go have coffee with her? You could be very careful in your conversation - it sounds, to me, that she is a victim, too - if your situation is anything like mom, the new spouse is terribly jealous of any relationship my parent had in a prior life, and causes difficulty in them. Maybe she is both genuinely concerned about you and needs some validation herself, especially if she's getting gaslighted by your stepmom. She's about 2 hours from me. Certainly I could meet her for coffee - she is in my hometown, and I used to visit there frequently. I've been wanting to again. I was wanting to make a family trip out of it, as it's a scenic area, but I could leave the kiddos back while I went up for a day trip (I could make a day of it, as I have other family and friends there, too). Something she said is throwing me a bit. When she said that she "knows I'm hurting", and that I "feel alone", she said that she feels this way "too". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 She was at one point (most of my life) very close to me... but she has had reason to distrust my step-mother. She herself has cut contact many times with my step-mother. This friend has suffered serious anxiety and depression over the years, which is why I'm concerned that she's concerned. That would concern me too. You know her. If she just needs someone to let her know she's being duped, then maybe you should do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 If it were me, I'd unfriend and be done. But, I don't hold many relationships very closely, and it sounds like she really did mean something to you. In that case, I'd follow the advice above and send a reply stating that everything was fine. If it were to happen again, however, I'd be done. I do hope that she doesn't end up being a source of stress for you, though. :( :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I guess the main thing is I would play dumb to her about the manipulation aspect. Either she knows and is letting herself be manipulated in which case, ick, and you don't want to play into it. Or she doesn't know, is just being concerned, and you can be kind and just say that actually everything's fine. And just be aware that everything you say to her may get back to she who must not be named, which is why, even if you were once close and still care for her, I wouldn't really engage much and certainly wouldn't even imply that there was manipulation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 You can't fix crazy. You can't fight drama with logic and being rational. Ignore step-monster as much as possible and only communicate with dad directly. If he can't talk to you directly, you can't talk. Never give destructive people like step-monster power over your life. Their words need to be minimized and dismissed so you can live your life happily and contentedly. Don't spend one more minute thinking about all the crap step-monster does. Enjoy every single minute away from her and don't let the memories of her crap mess up the time you're away from her. The friend should just be set straight. Something light and cheerful like, "I don't know where she (step-monster) got that information about my situation. It must've been the voices in her head. LOL! Glad to hear from you! How have you been? I'm doing really well and will be even better after surgery." I've used that myself. A friend from childhood moved away in Jr. High. Somehow people from the neighborhood heard a rumor she committed suicide right after high school. So, when she friended me on FB I PMed her with, "I'm delighted to hear you're doing well. [Name of neighbor kid who believed and spread crazy story] heard some crazy story about you being dead. I don't know where he heard it. Must've been the voices in his head. You know how he is. LOL! We all just smile and nod and ignore his nonsense. How are you? " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Everything I've ever read (mostly on these forums!) says do not reply. Delete the pm, act like you never got it, like her FB shares of bunny rabbits if you want, but DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS. Do not admit to ever even receiving it. The problem is that FB shows you when your PM was read...so the sender will know she's read it and isn't responding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 The problem is that FB shows you when your PM was read...so the sender will know she's read it and isn't responding. The point is not to fool anyone. The point is to silently send the message that not every communication deserves a response. We don't have to receive (as in acknowledge/respond) everything anybody wants to intrude upon us with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TGHEALTHYMOM Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 You have some choices to make that are difficult. I have seen some good advice all around. Just make your choice and stick with it. FWIW: I lost my dad and love my mom, but have to be very careful of what I tell her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 I love my dad so much :( It hurts to think that I wouldn't be able to tell him about what is happening my life, or the lives of my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: This is a tough situation. I love my dad so much :( It hurts to think that I wouldn't be able to tell him about what is happening my life, or the lives of my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Do you think so? She just seems so terribly (sincerely) worried, that I'm worried for her. She really is a kind woman. I disagree with those saying to treat your old friend as if she's your step-mother, or in cahoots with your step-mother. If I trusted her character, I would probably write back something like: I am sorry that SWMNBN has upset you. Her slander is constant. It's like some kind of game with her. I trust that you won't play along now that you know. .... Then update on your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I'm seeing red. A million shades of red. Today I received a FB friend request from a very old family friend. This is a woman who is about 10 years my senior, was MY sitter growing up, and she was/is very close to my parents (first my mother and father, and then my father and She Who Must Not Be Named). I adore her. She unfriended me a couple years ago and I had no clue why. I hoped she was well, as I know she was struggling with some things, and then life just got in the way and I kind of just forgot about it. Today she sent me a friend request. I accepted. Then I receive a PM. A very, very odd PM. I read it. Then I re-read it. Then my mouth fell open and my face just went kind of :huh: . Then I read it yet again and was all :cursing: . Apparently, she knows I feel very alone, I'm fairly miserable, and I'm hurting. I shouldn't push away those who can go to battle for me. She's more than willing to come to me, and speak to someone on my behalf. <----- at this point, I was pretty confused. But then... Oh, then... She commented on my upcoming surgery (nothing major). <------ this is a million shades of :cursing: come in. My father and step-mother/She Who Must Not Be Named visited her this past weekend. I know that much. While I haven't talked to step-mother in a very long time, I do talk to my father pretty reguarly. In fact, about a week ago I told him about my upcoming surgery. There is no other way (none) that my old family friend could have known about the surgery. I'm NOT mad about her knowing about the surgery (it was no secret). I'm angry because it's clear *someone* was bad mouthing MY famiy again. I'm angry because it's clear ONCE AGAIN, that *someone* is instigating. *Someone* did this before - with my own best friend, who came in from out of town to visit me; I was told that she (best friend) was instructed by *someone* to essentially spy on me, to make sure I wasn't being terribly controlled. Why did *someone* think I was being controlled? Because I wore different clothes than I used to. I kid you not, and I'm not exaggerting. I'm very tempted to make a phone call, but that would be breaking my OWN no contact plan. Is this her plan? If she can't break into our lives, try to get other people to do it? The entirety of the message from this old family friend relayed that she (family friend) is incredibly concerned... and I'm worried for HER that she is so concerned. I'm happy. I have a good life. My husband is a GOOD man (better than good); protective, kind, great with the kids, I have my way more often than not (lol), and affectionate - he's tired, he snores, and sometimes he sleeps later than he should, but that's about all I've got in the complaint department; I'm certainly do not feel the least bit lonely. In fact, there are days where I pay good money to a sitter to feel just a little bit lonely :p I'm overreacting. I know. I'm just fed up. Don't make the phone call. If you do, *someone* will have won - no matter what you say. Do send a PM back to your friend and tell her that she doesn't know anything, because she hasn't spoken to you in a couple of years, so she can't possibly. And that she should learn to tell the difference between what she hears and what she knows. Then unfriend her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Something she said is throwing me a bit. When she said that she "knows I'm hurting", and that I "feel alone", she said that she feels this way "too". This would change my response greatly, to be honest. It sounds like she's not just trying to be there you, but also dropping hints that she needs the sort of support she's trying to give you. I would tell her that I'm sorry she's been mislead, but that you and your family are actually doing quite well right now; as a matter of fact, things are so stable. that you're able to take a day away and come visit her if she'd like some company to chat with. That you miss her, care about her, and would love to see her face to face again for a little while. She sounds like she's hurting quite badly... and I'm sure your step-mother is more than willing to take advantage of that pain to her own ends. She could use a REAL friend, if you're willing to be that person. But be sure to set boundaries about what you will and won't share about your family, so that SWMNBM doesn't manage to gain a foothold in your life (or even your thoughts!) through this woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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