kiana Posted July 4, 2014 Author Share Posted July 4, 2014 Do you know any jokes about sodium? Na. K then! :) 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Only a Sith deals in absolutes. Are you sure? Absolutely. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 K then! :) (btw, you meant sodium) Ack! I asked my daughter for a nerdy joke and then I posted it without thinking. :blushing: The Sith one is from my son. There is a reason I don't usually tell jokes. :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purpleowl Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Why aren't jokes funny in base 8? Because 7 10 11. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted July 6, 2014 Author Share Posted July 6, 2014 Three guys are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but no matches, lighters, or any way to get them lighted. However, they are all desperately craving a smoke. What do they do? They throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted July 7, 2014 Author Share Posted July 7, 2014 What do you get if you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber? Nothing. You can't cross a vector with a scaler. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Why does steak have more energy than hamburger? Because hamburger is in the ground state. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygal Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 You can't trust atoms. They make up everything. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Not quite nerdy, but my current favorite: A man goes to a zoo. It has one animal. The animal is a dog. It's a Shih Tzu. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 I never take my kids to the symphony. Too much sax and violins. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. Chuck Norris jokes deserve their own thread! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 What kind of math is Cookie Monster's favorite? Trigonomnomnometry. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 Fibonacci: It's as easy as 1, 1, 2, 3, ... 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 How can you tell the human body was designed by a civil engineer? Who else would run a toxic waste line through a recreation area? 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickerplum Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Knock knock. Who's there? Control freak. Now YOU say control freak who! :-) 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 There are some great nerdy jokes here, thanks to Kid Snippets: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Unav87kTeKA Warning: If you haven't seen Kid Snippets do NOT click any of the other links. If you do, you won't get any housework or school done for several days as you make your way through all 100+ of their videos. Fair warning!! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 The flag of Japan is actually a pie chart of how much of Japan is Japan. My favorite FB joke this week. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 How does a mathematician deal with constipation? He works it out with a pencil. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 What chord do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner (minor). 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pod's mum Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tyred. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Looks like I missed this thread on the first go around. Thanks for reviving it and to Pam for mentioning it elsewhere. Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito? A: Nothing; you can't cross a scaler and a vector. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Every time I start to balance a chemical equation, Isotope myself. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted October 1, 2014 Author Share Posted October 1, 2014 A young philosopher sold his treasured pony to continue his studies, thus showing that he did indeed put Descartes before the horse. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggie96 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 On a dark, foggy night, a man was walking through a forest on his way home. As he walked along, it became darker and darker. Spooky sounds were all around him. Before long, he realized that there was something following him. He walked faster and faster. After a few minutes, he started to run! He ran up to a dark, spooky house. While bagging on the door, he realized it was a coffin chasing him! He broke through the door just as the coffin was on his heals! He raced around the living room, but the coffin kept coming! He raced around the kitchen, but the coffin kept coming! He tore up the stairs! The coffin was close behind! The man ran through the bedroom into the bathroom and slammed the door shut! But the coffin started breaking down the door! In a panic, the man searched for anything he could find that would stop the coffin. He grabbed a hand full of cough drops and threw them at the coffin...and the "coughin'" stopped. :leaving: This thread has been great! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ripley Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I'm having a yuck day, and this thread has helped lift the clouds. Even the ones I'm too dumb to understand, (and have to pretend laugh to because even the kids seem to get them.) :thumbup1: I hope this thread never dies. Again. Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have some H2O too." The second scientist dies. My nephew's science teacher isn't overly fond of him. He talks a lot and comes off as a know-it all in her class. But he's been trying to simmer down and be less obnoxious. ("Passionate" is his euphemism of choice.) He passed her a note after class today, with this joke written on it. She came over to him at lunch, smiled, and said she LIKED the joke. So he thanks you, MiMi & Kiana (OP) - this thread, and joke, moved him down a spot on her Poo List. :D 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 What do you call a fish without an eye? A fsh. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shukriyya Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 What do lazy dogs like to do? Chase parked cars :smilielol5: Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide :tongue_smilie: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus? A sternly worded letter from the Research Ethics Committee. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 Two young students of mathematics were discussing their coursework: "What's your favorite part of mathematics?" "Knot Theory" "Yeah, me either" 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 A farmer counted 196 cows in his field, but when he rounded them up he had 200. eta: mistyped the joke the first time :/ 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 There's a band called 1023 MB. They haven't had any gigs yet. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 A farmer counted 196 cows in his field, but when he rounded them up he had 200. eta: mistyped the joke the first time :/ you know, it works both way IMO :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeghanL Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt. Knock, Knock Who's there I eat mop I eat mop who (say it out loud to your kids and they will love it!) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeghanL Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Oh and one more...but this one's not for the kids, but hopefully you'll enjoy it :0 On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for a consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction! The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man. The old Indian gave him a potion and with a strong grip on his shoulder warned, 'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want." The man thanked the old Indian and as he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon." He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?" And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 Because there is too much seriousness on the chat board at the moment for this close to Christmastime: Heisenberg goes to a marriage counselor. He says "I'm having trouble pleasing my wife. Every time I get up any momentum, she says the position is wrong. Any time I get the position correct, I can't get up any momentum!" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Because there is too much seriousness on the chat board at the moment for this close to Christmastime: Heisenberg goes to a marriage counselor. He says "I'm having trouble pleasing my wife. Every time I get up any momentum, she says the position is wrong. Any time I get the position correct, I can't get up any momentum!" I'm uncertain about this joke. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked. :D 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 My friend Power has been stressed all week. The boss keeps making him work over time. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 q: Are tectonic plates dishwasher-safe? a: I don't know, but they're good for a continental breakfast. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 A herpetology one: How do you measure a snake? In inches. They don't have any feet! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 And here's a math and snake joke :) The flood is over and the ark has landed. "Go forth and multiply," Noah tells the animals. A few months later, he decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. "Please, Noah," say the snakes, "we need you to cut down some trees for us." "No problem," says Noah. He cuts down a few trees and goes home scratching his head. A few weeks later he gets curious and come back to check on the snakes. They now have lots of little snakes and everyone is happy. "What happened?" he asks them. "We are adders," the snakes explain. "So we need logs to multiply". 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 And a real leg slapper for herpetologists (scroll down if you don't get it) How did the legless lizard cross the road? It didn't! (Legless lizards cannot move on very smooth surfaces. They're adapted for tunneling through earth. It makes them quite easy to study in the lab-put them on a table, and they stay put, unlike snakes and lizards with legs). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 Why was Fibonacci scared of 5? Because 5 8 13. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other has a pause at the end of its clause. (Thank you Boy's Life magazine) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 I was enjoying this old thread again. I haven't had a good laugh like that for awhile. Maybe some who missed it would like a good laugh or have some to add. :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 I'm enjoying the resurrection of this thread. This is my favorite nerdy joke of the moment: I asked the librarian if she had a book on Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat. She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Watermelon slice to the Cantalope slice. "Hey lets get married!" "I Cantalope" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Hehe! Why don't noses grow 12 inches long? Because then they'd be feet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted August 25, 2016 Author Share Posted August 25, 2016 Where does bad light end up? In prism! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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