Terrific article that encapsulates many parenting/safety/developmental ideas

[Joanne]

I have written about and discussed many of the topics in this article and I tend to share the perspective of the writer.

 

http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/03/hey-parents-leave-those-kids-alone/358631/

[MercyA]

That was a very interesting read, Joanne!  Thanks for sharing the article.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Awesome article. I have been accused of being neglectful for letting my kids wander. Maybe I'll carry a copy with highlighted portions.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I also enjoyed the article, although I thought the playground looked like a dump. I think the old couch and mattresses were what pushed it over the edge into "too ugly" for me.

 

I was surprised to find out that the peopke originally filmed generally turned out to be so helicoptory with their own kids. The part about following their kids around in their (fenced?) backyard seemed over the top.

[shawthorne44]

I struggle with this.  If someone were to ask me, are you more of a free-range or helicopter parent?  I would have to say "Yes".  

I know free-range is good and wonderful and what I want for my child, but ... I struggle with helicopter tendencies.  

I mostly worry about other people.  

 

Then I remember my childhood when at the lake place when 50% of the time my parents wouldn't see me from the time they put me to bed at night, until I came back at sundown for the evening meal.  It was wonderful.  The 50% depended on which house friend and I picked for lunch.  

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

This was a great article! My only "fears" in regard to letting my children wander and explore are almost entirely that someone else will think I'm being neglectful and call the police! The stories I hear of parents being arrested and their children taken away for non-issues are simply frightening! 

[Indian summer]

Awesome article. I have been accused of being neglectful for letting my kids wander. Maybe I'll carry a copy with highlighted portions.

There is definitely a social stigma surrounding how much freedom kids have, you're sort of damned if you do, damned if you don't. A couple of weeks ago, in our area a mom got arrested for letting her young kids play outside in the cold weather despite the fact that they were within 100ft. Of their home and were dressed appropriately for the cold. She was released quickly, but it caused quite a debate in our community. I don't think that would have happened when I was a kid in the 70s.

 

ETA nor do I think it would have happened in a nice neighborhood. She lived in a poorer part of town, but IMO, did nothing wrong.

[Allearia]

We have a similar playground in Berkeley, though it does require a bit more supervision and I'm pretty sure they don't allow fires. Kids can use tools, hammer and nails, there is a zip line, and lots of random junk that kids adore. I have to admit it freaks me out a bit but I try to just go with it.

[celticmom]

I wonder what impact the number of children who are not neurotypical nowadays has on this issue. When my dd was at her worst before wheat/gluten was removed from her diet a trip to something like The Land would have almost guaranteed an injury. On the other hand she was somewhat more careful when she was not aware of being supervised.

[Wilma]

Thanks for sharing this article, Joanne. It was a interesting read. At my house, we often run into troubles because my husband and I have very different comfort levels with child freedom. A bike ride around the block for the 7 and 8 year old girls seems perfectly legit to me, but for my husband it seems very risky. I wonder what he'd think about this article - I'll try it on him.

[Jenny in Florida]

I remember reading about adventure playgrounds when my son was younger and trying desperately to find an equivalent for him. I knew in my bones that it would make all the difference for him to be able to explore and play with other kids in that kind of environment.

 

In the end, the best I could do was renting a house with a yard and letting him dig holes and make messes to his heart's content.

 

 

[Susan in TN]

Yep, and I see this protective parenting trend in myself at times. I remember camping with my family as a child and hiking in the woods, leaning over rocky drop-off/cliffs (no protective railing, of course), using lighter fluid to "blow up" ant hills in the campsite...and since then have often wondered how my mom could be so calm and unconcerned for our safety! LOL. Now I look forward to camping with our kids in a place where they can explore and mess about in boats and build fires (within state park regulations, of course :D).

 

I think I also had much more free time when I was young.

 

Wilma, yesterday I let my 11yo and 7yo ride their bikes around the block by themselves for the first time. It's a quiet neighborhood with sidewalks all the way around. I initially said no because, well, what if the neighbors notice? They don't let their kids go around the block by themselves. What if they go too fast down the steep hill and fly out into the street? And then I realized that I was being pretty stupid and let them go.

[Anne in CA]

Last week my dd (14) saw some rabbits hopping around and she was jumping up and down with excitement. I was remembering that when I was 8/9/10 I used to take the family dog for long walks and let him chase rabbits for hours, and sadly this was the first time my dd had seen a wild one since we have only recently moved to the country. I don't like letting her take long walks alone or with the dog (marijuana growers are common in eastern Shasta county) but I am letting her do it anyway, because I took longer walks alone when I was younger and it made me more self reliant. 

[DianeW88]

Amen!!  This article is right on the money.  We don't have a playground like this around here, instead we have "outside".  And my kids played freely in it, without any supervision.  We have fields, treehouses (homemade and up high), vacant lots with giant mounds of dirt from an unfinished housing development, a creek, kid-built forts, etc.  Fortunately, the kids in my neighborhood still play outside in a  horde like they did when I grew up.  There are no such thing as arranged playdates.  If you want to play with another kid, go to their house and knock on the door.  And I can honestly say, most of the time, I didn't know where my kids were other than "out in the neighborhood somewhere".  My youngest is being raised the same way.  They were "outside" yesterday with my Ipad, making action movies.  I didn't see him from 3 PM to sometime after 8 PM.  They eat dinner at the closest home (and once or twice a week, that's my house), or they wait until they're hungry and come home.  Our neighborhood is a cross between Huck Finn and Leave It to Beaver.  And our kids are thriving because of it.

 

This is the part of the article that I'm really seeing to be true.  Especially among some of my adult children's friends:

 

"But sometimes it seems as if children don’t get the space to grow up at all; they just become adept at mimicking the habits of adulthood. As Hart’s research shows, children used to gradually take on responsibilities, year by year. They crossed the road, went to the store; eventually some of them got small neighborhood jobs. Their pride was wrapped up in competence and independence, which grew as they tried and mastered activities they hadn’t known how to do the previous year. But these days, middle-class children, at least, skip these milestones. They spend a lot of time in the company of adults, so they can talk and think like them, but they never build up the confidence to be truly independent and self-reliant."

 

I cannot believe the number of children who have NEVER been left alone or away from their parents at ages where it is beyond ridiculous.  Your twelve year old has never spent a night away from home? Your 17 year old has never held a part time job?  Your 10 year old has never gone to someone else's house to play without you there?  Seriously?  Your 9 year old can't play outside IN YOUR OWN YARD without you being right there?  Shame on you!  You are not helping your children grow up.  You are destroying their self-confidence, crushing their desire to be independent, and raising a child who will struggle with making mature, independent, adult decisions in the real world.  You are raising a child who will be chewed up and spit out by the real world, and who will have a hard time adjusting to life without mommy around to do everything.  You are making it very difficult for them to be successful in life, and to feel confident in who they are, and what they can accomplish.

[lea_lpz]

We have a similar playground in Berkeley, though it does require a bit more supervision and I'm pretty sure they don't allow fires. Kids can use tools, hammer and nails, there is a zip line, and lots of random junk that kids adore. I have to admit it freaks me out a bit but I try to just go with it.

I know that park! I was thinking I should take the kids on a road trip there. We live in the Siuth Bay. We moved from Berkeley when my dd was 2 so she was too young but I bet it'd be a blas now for my stepson, 9, dd, 6, and ds, 4 now!

[lea_lpz]

I let my 4 & 6 year old play outside unsupervised almost daily for an 1-2 hours. I used to check up on them but now I don't really bother. It helps me keep my sanity! We've had some mishaps, but they don't outweigh the benefits of my kids being independent and learning to take / assess risks. My 4 year old got a good bump on his head once, and that's been about it. And we've lost some toys. We just don't replace them and they learn soon enough, lol! It was handled beautifully by my older kids who immediately carried him inside and let us know he got hurt.

 

I often see parents at park day still hovering around their kids who are as old as 9. I occasionally get looks by onlookers that I am not paying close attention to my 4 & 6 year old at the park. Seems like they have much more common sense and don't get hurt nearly as much as the 9 year olds with mama duck trailing behind ;)

[Mergath]

It was an interesting article, but I do think articles like this promote the idea that you have to choose between never letting your child go beyond arm's length, or letting them roam unsupervised from dawn to dusk, starting fires and climbing on the roof.  I know it's not the point the author was trying to make, but the three year old who fell off the slide, fractured his skull, and was partially paralyzed illustrates that kids can get hurt.  They aren't invincible.  My mom used to let us roam around unsupervised when we were kids, and we rarely saw her.  Yes, we had fun.  But my brother got hit by a truck riding his bike at one point.  He crashed a snowmobile and almost bashed his skull open on a tree.  Was it worth it?  I don't know.  Maybe we would have turned out better if we'd spent more time at home and had a closer relationship with our mom.  Maybe not.  But I do think it's sensible to try for the middle ground.

[TravelingChris]

The playgrounds in Belgium are so fantastic.  Even my then 14 year old wanted to play on them.  Giant climbing metal dome probably three stories high at the top. Zip lines, just all sorts of wonderful equipment.  The difference - in Belgium, and most if not all of Europe, companies aren't liable for plain accidents.  Yes, your kid can get very hurt climbing that high- but overall, they didn't. 

 

But the idiocy of some meddling parents or onlookers is just amazing.  We had someone call Base Family advocacy on us because my then six year old asked for water while playing outside in the big grassy courtyard between base townhouses.  He asked for water because it was hot, he was playing with kids on the opposite side of this courtyard and he didn't feel like coming all the way across the courtyard to get a drink of water.  Fortunately, the Base Family Advocacy knew it was an idiotic charge and apparently this individual had a history of calling on people for other total nonsense charges.  They talked to us and my kid and immediately ruled it unfounded.

 

Like DianeW88, my kids got a lot of time to explore and have adventures.  Depending on where we were living, it was open spaces and arroyos, or Belgian woods and country roads, or beaches and local community, or woods, lake and park bike trail or just around a Base community.  But I see in the communities I live in many kids who get similar freedoms.  THe ones who don't tend to have either kids who are homebodies or who have an unrealistic fear of catastrophe.  And not all have the same fears- some will let kids explore but won't let kids visit anyone's house or go on any away trips.  SOme others are fine with trips and sleep overs or visiting houses but not with any type of unsupervised, at least nominally, time-  like they will allow kids to play in someone's back yard if some parent is in the house. 

[wendyroo]

It was an interesting article, but I do think articles like this promote the idea that you have to choose between never letting your child go beyond arm's length, or letting them roam unsupervised from dawn to dusk, starting fires and climbing on the roof.  I know it's not the point the author was trying to make, but the three year old who fell off the slide, fractured his skull, and was partially paralyzed illustrates that kids can get hurt.  They aren't invincible.  My mom used to let us roam around unsupervised when we were kids, and we rarely saw her.  Yes, we had fun.  But my brother got hit by a truck riding his bike at one point.  He crashed a snowmobile and almost bashed his skull open on a tree.  Was it worth it?  I don't know.  Maybe we would have turned out better if we'd spent more time at home and had a closer relationship with our mom.  Maybe not.  But I do think it's sensible to try for the middle ground.

 

But the article says...

 

"In 1978, a toddler named Frank Nelson made his way to the top of a 12-foot slide in Hamlin Park in Chicago, with his mother, Debra, a few steps behind him."

 

So that three year old got hurt even with his mom very close by.  Accidents happen.  

 

I let my kids play out in our fenced backyard by themselves even knowing they could get hurt out there.  And, yes, they are probably more likely to get hurt when they are out there by themselves than when there is a parent out there.  But, I feel that increase in risk is worth it for the independence and learning they gain.

 

I agree that you don't have to "choose between never letting your child go beyond arm's length, or letting them roam unsupervised from dawn to dusk, starting fires and climbing on the roof."  But, I think supervised and safe vs. unsupervised and unsafe is also a false dichotomy.  A kid could also be supervised and very unsafe, supervised and suffer a freak accident, unsupervised and very safe, etc.

 

Wendy

[Mergath]

But the article says...

 

"In 1978, a toddler named Frank Nelson made his way to the top of a 12-foot slide in Hamlin Park in Chicago, with his mother, Debra, a few steps behind him."

 

So that three year old got hurt even with his mom very close by.  Accidents happen.  

 

I let my kids play out in our fenced backyard by themselves even knowing they could get hurt out there.  And, yes, they are probably more likely to get hurt when they are out there by themselves than when there is a parent out there.  But, I feel that increase in risk is worth it for the independence and learning they gain.

 

I agree that you don't have to "choose between never letting your child go beyond arm's length, or letting them roam unsupervised from dawn to dusk, starting fires and climbing on the roof."  But, I think supervised and safe vs. unsupervised and unsafe is also a false dichotomy.  A kid could also be supervised and very unsafe, supervised and suffer a freak accident, unsupervised and very safe, etc.

 

Wendy

 

The point I was trying to make is that kids can get seriously hurt.  It does happen, whether parents are around or not.  We seem to think that they're somehow invincible if they're out in the woods having a valuable learning experience or whatever.  And it may happen whether kids are supervised or not, but if my five year old falls off something and fractures her skull, she's going to get help a lot faster if I'm within shouting distance than if she's three miles away in the woods by herself.  Letting kids have independence doesn't make one a bad parent, but neither does having some idea where your kid is and what they're doing.  The article makes it sound like if you're not letting your preschooler wander off alone and light something on fire, you're a helicopter parent, but I try to take the middle road.

[DianeW88]

The point I was trying to make is that kids can get seriously hurt.  It does happen, whether parents are around or not.  We seem to think that they're somehow invincible if they're out in the woods having a valuable learning experience or whatever.  And it may happen whether kids are supervised or not, but if my five year old falls off something and fractures her skull, she's going to get help a lot faster if I'm within shouting distance than if she's three miles away in the woods by herself.  Letting kids have independence doesn't make one a bad parent, but neither does having some idea where your kid is and what they're doing.  The article makes it sound like if you're not letting your preschooler wander off alone and light something on fire, you're a helicopter parent, but I try to take the middle road.

 

Oh, I guess I interpreted the article differently.  More like, parents who have children who should be doing age appropriate things (like a ten year old climbing a tree or riding a bike with friends in his neighborhood), but are not letting that child have that experience due to their "blown way out of proportion" fears.  Obviously, a four year old climbing a tree unsupervised would not be safe, and shouldn't be allowed.  But that same four year old should be able to play in the backyard without mommy hovering over him the entire time.  And I know parents who won't allow their preschoolers to play alone, or with their siblings, in their fenced-in backyard in suburbia.

 

I felt that the point the author was trying to  make is that children today aren't reaching those milestones of independence that children growing up in the 70s and before did.  And that in the long run, the negative effect of that will be far worse than risking a small chance of injury.  My youngest had to have four stitches in his shin two summers ago because he was climbing over a chain link fence by the canal and took a wedge out of his leg from the crossed wire at the top of the fence.  Last summer he got 8 stitches in his knee because he slipped on the neighbor's wet patio near the pool and gauged it.  There were plenty of adults around (not me, I was at home), but accidents happen.  Then, the DAY he got the stitches out, he went back there to swim, slipped on the diving board, and opened the cut again.  No stitches that time, because he had road rash all around it.  The doctor laughed at him, and said, 4 hours without stitches before needing them again was a record.  Can something serious happen?  Of course.  We can't eliminate all risk from our children's lives.  I think the author is saying that the problem with parents today is that they want to.

But that's just my interpretation and where I'm coming from.  Obviously other people see it differently.

[shawthorne44]

There was an article posted here about Sweden and their general attitude being similar to this.  It said that Sweden was very low (Maybe the lowest, I forget) of child accidents.  I found that convincing.   

 

Then I think of my husband's childhood, which was mostly characterized by Benign Neglect.  He truly came very close to death more than once.  I threatened bodily injury if he tells our child half the stuff that he used to do.  

[Mergath]

Oh, I guess I interpreted the article differently.  More like, parents who have children who should be doing age appropriate things (like a ten year old climbing a tree or riding a bike with friends in his neighborhood), but are not letting that child have that experience due to their "blown way out of proportion" fears.  Obviously, a four year old climbing a tree unsupervised would not be safe, and shouldn't be allowed.  But that same four year old should be able to play in the backyard without mommy hovering over him the entire time.  And I know parents who won't allow their preschoolers to play alone, or with their siblings, in their fenced-in backyard in suburbia.

 

I felt that the point the author was trying to  make is that children today aren't reaching those milestones of independence that children growing up in the 70s and before did.  And that in the long run, the negative effect of that will be far worse than risking a small chance of injury.  My youngest had to have four stitches in his shin two summers ago because he was climbing over a chain link fence by the canal and took a wedge out of his leg from the crossed wire at the top of the fence.  Last summer he got 8 stitches in his knee because he slipped on the neighbor's wet patio near the pool and gauged it.  There were plenty of adults around (not me, I was at home), but accidents happen.  Then, the DAY he got the stitches out, he went back there to swim, slipped on the diving board, and opened the cut again.  No stitches that time, because he had road rash all around it.  The doctor laughed at him, and said, 4 hours without stitches before needing them again was a record.  Can something serious happen?  Of course.  We can't eliminate all risk from our children's lives.  I think the author is saying that the problem with parents today is that they want to.

But that's just my interpretation and where I'm coming from.  Obviously other people see it differently.

 

I think I just had trouble getting past the part in the article where the little kids get to start fires, lol.  I try not to hover and let my dd have as much independence as possible without it being unreasonably dangerous, but that wouldn't fly around here.    

[JumpyTheFrog]

I think I just had trouble getting past the part in the article where the little kids get to start fires, lol.

Don't forget, this playground has a paid attendant on duty to watch out for them. Letting little kids play with fire without supervision would be foolish.

[Mergath]

Don't forget, this playground has a paid attendant on duty to watch out for them. Letting little kids play with fire without supervision would be foolish.

 

It still makes me nervous.  I did accidentally burn off one eyebrow as a kid, so perhaps I have some unresolved issues with children and fire. :P

[wendyroo]

I think I just had trouble getting past the part in the article where the little kids get to start fires, lol.  I try not to hover and let my dd have as much independence as possible without it being unreasonably dangerous, but that wouldn't fly around here.    

 

I didn't see the fires as that dangerous.

 

1 - I think most of the kids were not "little".  The author said that the one child's grandmother walked him there because he was only 5.  This led me to believe that most of the other kids were older than 5; this was not a group of toddlers and preschoolers.

 

2 - There was an adult playground worker supervising the fire which was started in a fire drum, not randomly in the woods or anything.  I think just getting the fire up where it is much harder to accidentally fall into makes it much safer.

 

3 - How is this really any different than scouts?  I have no experience with scouting, but aren't cub scouts taught how to start fires with supervision?  

 

This past summer I let my 4 year old help arrange the logs in the camp fire pit before we lit it and then let him throw twigs on the fire from a distance.  This coming summer I will probably let him try lighting some kindling on his own (with me nearby, of course).  I fully expect that within a couple years he will be able to safely build a small fire in a fire pit with an adult watching, but only intervening if absolutely necessary.  He might get small burns.  He might get smoke in his eyes.  He might melt a plate or spatula or the bottom of his shoe.  I'm actually hoping he has those experiences and that they give him a deep awareness of fire's power and properties.

 

Wendy

[Dory]

The fire part would make me nervous too. We had neighbours growing up where the one kid had horrific scars from lighting the barn on fire while they were playing. They weren't meaning to, but they weren't careful with where they were making their "campfire". It's made me a little more cautious. My dh having lived through a housefire, my parents through 2, and my dh's aunt next door through 2 has also added to the caution. Tools on the other hand, we start giving to the kids at about 6. They have their own tool boxes and are encouraged to head outside and play around with the world their in and see what they can create. Without me hovering. I can hear them out there. I'd probably hear if someone was seriously hurt. There are a few rules that they have been taught to make sure they don't wander into unsafe areas, or provoke wildlife, or mess up my flower beds and garde, but otherwise they are free to explore in a rather large area with lots of trees and small wildlife.

[Momling]

I'm glad articles are being published about this trend! I find that even when I want to be more free range, my community is not. An elderly lady tells at my 10 yr old every time she goes to the park that she shouldn't be there without me. And the Y insists I sign in kids and walk them to classes instead of dropping them off or letting them walk there.... And I get astounded looks when I mention to other moms that my kids walk to the library or take the city bus... But why shouldn't responsible 10 & 12 yr olds do these things?

 

Fwiw... I do stick close to my 6 yr old foster son who needs more supervision. But... I would totally send my older kids to an adventure playground.

[PeacefulChaos]

One of my friends posted this article on fb today! I sat and read it in the van while dh and the boys were in lowes tonight lol...

I will confess I didn't end up making it all the way to the end.

Anyway, I loved what it said. I was telling dh about it on the way home, though, and I do think that for playgrounds in general - public ones - they will have to stick with the safest possible route, because of liability and the suing issue.

BUT I can definitely see where parents can make these opportunities possible for their children. They may need to be really purposeful in it, but to an extent hopefully most people can try to seek out opportunities for their children to get to have at least a little bit of adventure. :).

For me personally, it was a good reminder. I want to try to foster the creativity and maturity that a lot of these scenarios provide, but I forget sometimes. The boys do go outside alone (pink can go out without me, but only with at least one of them, not by herself), and over time I've tried to give Link a little more independence here and there. There are times I wish we lived somewhere with more open space for them to explore (woods, fields, whatever), and then there are times I wish we lived somewhere with more of a 'city' feel - where they could walk to the convenience store on the corner, or ride their bike somewhere, etc. :p. Grass is always greener, I guess - and for us, sometimes it feels like a good medium (rural town) and sometimes it feels like the worst option possible. ;)

[idnib]

I'm happy we are not too far from an adventure playground, one of the few left. My kids love it there.

 

I actually worry very little about my kids getting lost or talking to people or being abducted. My biggest worry is that they will be hit by a car. While cars are much safer for the occupants than they were a generation ago, people drive in a more self-absorbed manner. Add in cell phones and texting and I do feel it's more dangerous. I haven't researched pedestrian accident rates, but my guess would be that they are up. And if they are down, it could be because more kids are being driven places.

[AFwife Claire]

I read this article on facebook, and it was very timely for me because of an interaction I had this week.  We have a small co-op that meets at our house on Tuesdays.  In the morning, it is only junior high and high schoolers (elementary kids are at a bigger co-op until 12:30).  Then in the afternoons, everyone is at my house, and the younger kids do memory work and literature/writing classes.

 

Well, this week our internet and phone were out (we had a snowstorm knock out power Sunday night for several hours, which apparently fried our main Verizon box, and they couldn't fix it until today).  We skype one family in from Hawaii, so we definitely need internet, and so the high schoolers met over at another family's house (3 minutes away), but the younger kids still met at our house.  

 

At 2:30, I had to run over to the other house to pick up my oldest to take him to his 3:00 rugby practice.  Another mom was was my house in the basement (because that is just where she usually teaches her class), teaching the 5/6th grade literature class to 6 boys, and another mom and her 6th grade daughter were also there, visiting our co-op.  So, 2 moms were in the basement.  My baby was napping, and my other 4 kids (aged almost 8 down to almost 3) were playing on our main floor, in our playroom and family room. I was gone about a total of 1 hour (traffic is crazy around here!), and while I was gone, another mom came over, about 30 minutes after I left.  (This situation would not normally happen, since normally we all would be at my house, so there would be an adult on the main floor, along with the 4 high school aged boys.)

 

Well, the visiting mom told my good friend (whose house the older boys had been at) 3 different times how concerned she was for my kids, because I left them there "alone"!  My friend said the kids weren't really alone--there were 2 adults in the basement--and plus, this situation was only because of the power outage, but the other mom is very concerned and thinks I am neglectful.  Wow!  I was stunned!  Honestly, I know people with only a few kids (she has 3, but 2 are in school, so she only is homeschooling 1) can tend to be more cautious maybe, but still, I don't think I was "neglectful".  I wouldn't leave that set of kids at a store or in McDonalds by themselves, but I am very confidant that they know how to play appropriately while I am not watching them IN THEIR OWN HOUSE with 2 adults down the stairs!

 

So the article really spoke to me because I really don't think this lady has ever left her kids alone (oldest is 15) or not been directly supervising them when they weren't in school.  And it made me so sad that just because HER kids aren't ready for that (and I will trust her discernment about her own kids!), that she then judges my kids to automatically not be ready, so I must be neglectful!  Maybe I'll print the article out for her . . . 

[Mergath]

I'm happy we are not too far from an adventure playground, one of the few left. My kids love it there.

 

I actually worry very little about my kids getting lost or talking to people or being abducted. My biggest worry is that they will be hit by a car. While cars are much safer for the occupants than they were a generation ago, people drive in a more self-absorbed manner. Add in cell phones and texting and I do feel it's more dangerous. I haven't researched pedestrian accident rates, but my guess would be that they are up. And if they are down, it could be because more kids are being driven places.

 

This is the only reason my dd can't play unsupervised in the yard.  SHE'S mature enough, but it's the idiot drivers I worry about.  Our door and one side of our yard are on an alley, and people come flying through there at two or three times the speed limit, more often than not talking on their phones as they fly over the curb or swerve out into the street like they're drunk.  That was one of the things that crossed my mind when I read the article- that it was safer for kids to play alone outside in the seventies because people didn't rocket down the roads in their giant SUVs with their faces stuck in a screen back then.  Now that it's warming up dd and I walk most places, and the number of drivers I see not just talking on their cells but texting as they drive past is staggering.  

[Sisyphus]

When we moved back to the us 2 years ago, I really struggled with this. The literal first day back, at the airport, my 10 and 13 year old went to find a star bucks while we waited for our dog to come out of baggage, and a woman followed them back to us to "make sure they were with parents". I about died. 13- my oldest was 13! You can't cross a highway overpass (no star bucks in the airport section we were in) and be gone 20 minutes, in public, at 13?! It hit me that suddenly my kids would have a whole lot less freedom if this was the prevailing attitude, and it is. 5 year olds don't get themselves to piano lessons on the subway here, which I did find remarkable, and 13 year olds alone at a coffee shop are suspect. I caught heck from a group of moms for dropping my youngest (now 12) at dance and they doors weren't open yet- it's in a strip mall,It's daylight, he has a phone, and he is 12...he can wait 10 minutes outside for the teacher, certainly? Apparently not, the dance school changed their policy because some mothers complained I didn't wait with Ds. We carpool with a girl who is 14, and her mom was running late and her other daughter had an appt. I told her to drop the girl at the corner store and go on to her appointment, I'd get her from the store and my eta was about 10 minutes...nope. The girl couldn't wait, in daylight, alone at a populated grocery store in a safe part of town for 10 minutes.

 

People be crazy. My kids desperately want to move back overseas, where they can wander to their hearts content. Living in the suburbs doesn't help- no where to get to here really unless by car, so kids are stuck.

[fraidycat]

This is part of the reason that I would love to move back to my hometown. I could free-range parent there a lot "better". Here? Nope. I'd be afraid of CPS visiting. My cousin and I were walking to and from town (lived 3.5 miles out) at 12 and 13, then across town to the mall and arcade.

 

Here, I don't let my kids go to the store alone, when visiting home they were walking half a mile to the store for a treat with my niece and nephew ...3 years ago. DS was 5, DNW 7, DD 8, and DN 10. They wanted more money for an extra treat, so offered to wash car windows at the gas station to raise funds. Free range entrepreneurs.

 

I'm thankful my kids get to experience at least small doses of freedom when we visit home, but it's still not the same as living it.

[lil' maids in a row]

I live in a working class neighborhood in the US and I love the freedom people give their kids here.  Most of the neighbors have known each other since the kids were born.  My kids could safely go to nearly any house on our street and ask for help from someone that we know.  So we all let our kids do a lot of playing together outdoors without a lot of supervision.  They build "clubhouses" down by the creek.  They rake up all the leaves from everyone's yard so they can make a giant leaf pile in the vacant lot.  They find all kinds of "collections."  My fear isn't for their safety, but of the judgement that would come from others if, heaven forbid, one of my kids gets hurt playing in the creek.  

[Gentlemommy]

YES! I just linked that same article on my FB. I totally want to create a 'Land' on our property someday. Currently my kids have been turning our garage into their own 'Land' much to the horror of my dh and other parents whose kids play here. They built some amazing houses with various non-toy items and played in there, despite it being COLD, for hours. My dd1 has her own pocket knife and is asking for her own lighter for her birthday. She was fascinated by a boy at our HS group lighting leaves on fire with his magnifying glass. ;-)

[Jenny in Florida]

For those who might be interested:

 

http://www.npr.org/2014/03/20/291922339/kids-these-days-growing-up-too-fast-or-never-at-all

 

It's an NPR interview (about eight minutes long) with the author of the article.

 

[shawthorne44]

Although I tend to agree with free ranging ( I do practice it as well - incrementally ) I think the issues are very complex.

 

I free ranged as a child in suburbia - and on every single block there were multiple houses where mothers were home and known to me. There was a network of almost invisible support that nevertheless helped us navigate the fine line between safety and supervision, and freedom

 

This network no longer exists. Homes are often empty till evening. Children no longer all attend a local school. When community fragments, so does trust. When trust fragments, so does parental confidence.

 

~

 

This is a general comment, not particular to the article, but many adventure/free range/nature deficit articles manage to place blame on parents (moms). There's an undertext of mocking or scolding 'those hysterical mummies!'.

 

Mothers don't need bucket loads of guilt poured over them for being too much this or not enough that. Concentrate on building the communities and the accessible environments, especially in areas where children don't have those resources, and the mamas will come. Or rather, not come but send their kids.

 

That is an interesting comment on the invisible network.  When I was at my most free-range as a kid, there was definitely an invisible network, and we knew it. Most people knew my dad, everyone knew my friend's dad (It was their resort). People were around, since they were on vacation.   

 

Although, in hindsight I shudder to think of one thing we did.  Whenever a single guy rented a cabin, we would knock on his door and ask for candy.  Single guys always seemed to have candy.  They were good people who always left us on the front step while they went inside to get their bowl/bag of candy.  But, if one had said, "Sure, it is on the kitchen counter."  We totally would have walked in.