Ever want to stop homeschooling one of your children?

[bethben]

My dd is what can only be classified as a "spitfire".  She's very opinionated and draining.  She tends to be angry about a lot of stuff and gets easily offended.  When she is out of the house, the family dynamics change drastically and we have peace.  I have been wondering for a while if one degree of educational separation would be beneficial.  I have been able to teach her reading, writing, and math but beyond that, she doesn't have the interest and interrupts to the point that I cannot get a history or science lesson done without so many stops and starts and random questions that frankly, it's just much easier for her to play in her room than have such distraction.  She's a little ADD and hyper which has gotten much better over the years, but is still a challenge.  This is the child who will lament, "why do they make little children do math?!?!"  She rejoices on the days she doesn't have to do school (she only really has 45 minutes of school a day).  I've ceased trying to make school fun for her and just teach her the basics so she can learn in the shortest amount of time due to attitude.   I've made a sticker reward chart just for attitude during her math and reading to me times.  If she doesn't yell at me, she gets a sticker.  She is successful when she wants to be.

 

I think she would like school.  But honestly, I just feel like I need to take a break from the intensity she brings to everything.  She's not particularly naughty, just a very large personality.  Her attitude is much better with others and others don't see all the negativity she has with me.  With others, they see a sparkly girl with a lot of spunk.  

 

I'm sure others of you have children who have large personalities that clash with yours. What do you do?  

 

Beth

[Veritaserum]

My oldest is like that (argues over everything that she doesn't like, which includes almost every school assignment I have ever given her, no matter how fun/interesting it is). She will be starting public school next semester (8th grade). I am pretty confident that she will do better overall with not-Mom teaching her and it will be helpful to me to have a break from her. We get along well outside of homeschool. I like talking to her and doing stuff with her. It's just exhausting to teach her something she doesn't really want to know. We decided to put her in for the rest of this year as a trial because 9th grade will go on her transcript and we want to make sure public school is indeed a better option for her.

 

I will keep the rest of my children home and I hope our days will go more smoothly without my oldest arguing about everything. :)

[Rosie_0801]

I haven't been at it long enough to wish for that, but I'd like to send my son to toilet training boot camp...

[Bree]

My dd who just turned 7 makes me feel like that at times :) she would of been a good only child. Truthfully having her on meds for ADHD has helped and she thrives on stuff where she is in charge like time4Learning. I really have to do things differently with her and it is ALOT of WORK!!!

[BlsdMama]

Our beautiful four year old is what one might call "high energy."  I'm wondering if one can teach phonics to a child on a trampoline. ;)

[BugsMama]

A little off topic- but BLDSmama, check out Logic of English foundations (I wrote a post they stuck on their blog about how much I LOVE it keeping my busy kid happy- I actually tutor reading with it, and HAVE worked on phonograms with a kid on the trampoline- one jump per sound ;) )

[Mandamom]

My dd is what can only be classified as a "spitfire".  She's very opinionated and draining.  <snip> What do you do?  

 

Beth

 

I chose not to homeschool my difficult child . I recognize my weaknesses and in my case there was no way I could have done it. So, he stayed in school while I homeschooled the oldest one. That worked out well for our family. There were many times I wish I could have homeschooled him  for better academics, though. His mom tried homeschooling him when he was much older and it didn't work. He ended up back in private school and repeated the year. He is set to graduate in June and is pretty much set to join the marines. 

[Camelfeet]

Yes, I've gone a step further and considered boarding school for my oldest.  I don't actually want to send her away, but puberty and the emotional rollercoaster that sometimes goes along with it make me occasionally fantasize.  

[OneStepAtATime]

I love that you have both agreed to try it for the rest of 8th before committing for high school.  Hopefully, this will give both of you enough time to determine if this is the best fit and it very well may be.  Good luck!

 

I have two with vastly different personalities and interests and my younger loves, loves, loves learning, but he drives his older sister nuts since he wants to analyze everything and pursue every rabbit hole.  She just wants to get it done so she can do her own thing.  She gets really cranky and frustrated with his constant info seeking and enthusiasm and they would end up unhappy with each other and with me.  Learning would slow to a crawl and the tension was pretty high.  It was exhausting.  

 

Thankfully, with just two, and the older being an early morning person, I was able to start separating them for core subjects plus history.  She starts by 645, I try to make as many things as possible independent learning (dyslexic so that isn't always possible) and let her do her own thing.  She works off a checklist, comes to me when it is stuff we have to do together, and can go off and work on art projects, and other areas of interest while I work with her brother, once he is up.  She is motivated to get through as much as possible before her brother even gets out of bed.  They get a long a LOT better now, we can still do science and group reads and board games together as a threesome and she is much easier to teach (she was getting resistant with her bro around for everything).  

[maize]

I have a friend who home schools all but one of her children, their house is more peaceful when that one child is in school. Even SWB has said that in retrospect she thinks one of her children would have been better off in school for high school. I think it is reasonable to consider the best options for each individual child.

[MomintheMountains]

Yes, I sent my oldest to school, due to conflicting personalities. I homeschooled him through 4th grade and for one year of high school (his request). My relationship with him and the whole household is much more peaceful when he is in school.

[LLMom]

Yes, putting my difficult children in school has been the best thing I could have done for them.  Relationship is so important to me and homeschooling was getting in the way of a healthy relationship.  We get along much better when I am not wearing my teacher hat. 

[Elisabet1]

That has happened to me and I did send that daughter to public school. I am not sure if this was a good thing or not. I sent her back for high school. I would not send her back for middle school. There is too much junk going on in middle school, your daughter would just get worse. There is a local charter school here that is popular with home schoolers so that might be worth trying if you have something like that. 

 

Things get difficult when using the public school along side home schooling. I am thinking, though, in our case, it was for the best. My daughter was just like yours. She was very smart, but refusing to do anything I assigned and made excuses that the assignments were not good enough or correct and whatever. 

[bethben]

We are trying to move to an area with more job opportunities along with a plethora of Christian schools. Due to things with this particular child, we won't send her to public school which is our only option right now. How do I deal with this in the meantime? I'm wondering how to teach a child who just doesn't want to learn things that have no interest or practical use for her ( in her mind). Also, she's worn me out. There's one thing about being kind to negative people you know but a whole different thing when you live with them 24/7.

 

Beth

[foxbridgeacademy]

Yep, she will be attending the local PS starting next year.  We tried it for a week this year but "we" were ill-prepared for the issues.  She is now sure that she can overcome those issues next year (spending ALL day with an adult who really doesn't care about your "feelings" was the main one). Next year there will be six different adults so she thinks she can handle it. I hope so because I am sooooo done with the attitude.

[bethben]

My dd is only 6. I'm comfortable with her getting the basic subjects and not going further. Due to maturity issues, while she should be in 1st grade, I'm calling this year kindergarten. She's a late May birthday and had a very hard start in life so I have no problem with it. I also just knew that if she was in 1st, there is no way she would be ready with the addition of subjects like spelling and sentence writing that happens for my school in 2nd.

 

Beth

[Mommyfaithe]

Our beautiful four year old is what one might call "high energy." I'm wondering if one can teach phonics to a child on a trampoline. ;)

From experience....yes, you can. And jumping on the couch, swinging on a swing, pulling up on a pull up bar and standing on ones head. It not only can be done, it was done very efficiently!

[TheAutumnOak]

Yes, I have a son I want to sometimes send to school...Everyone in the house has a difficult time with him...

 

The problem I see with that though, is that I still have to parent him, and it may be more difficult if he is at school and then comes home...The influence of school could make matters worse...

 

If my reasons for wanting him to go to school were academic, I would consider it...But as it is, my reasons are just parenting issues...I am going to do the best I can and teach all of my boys how to get along with others...

 

But the thought of peace during the days is very tempting ;)

[bethben]

I would do it for academics. I really think she would do better with someone else teaching her. She and my youngest son love playing together and while I would hate to lose that, if things don't change with her attitude toward school and me as her teacher, her academics will suffer.

 

Beth

[Loowit]

I have one that I would love to send to school on many days.  He is intense and has been since he was born.  The problem is that he is also the one with a severe food allergy that makes going to school difficult along with other medical conditions that would further complicate things.  He also tells me that he wouldn't go and I know it would be a horrible struggle just to get him into the school each day.

[sewingmama]

Yes I have one of those...exactly as you described.

 

If I sent her to school I would have such a joyous homeschooling experience with just the boys. LOL

 

However, for a number of reasons she is the one who needs to be homeschooled the most. My easy kids would do just as well at home as at school.... But my DD ...oy....I fear what would become of her if she were sent to school.

 

I take each year as it comes and re-evaluate. So far the advantages of homeschooling outweigh those of sending her to school...

 

But I fantasise a lot of how quiet the house would be with her gone all day.

[sewingmama]

I haven't been at it long enough to wish for that, but I'd like to send my son to toilet training boot camp...

Can I send my 4yo along with yours...they could be bunk buddies

[CAtoVA]

I finally sent my oldest (just turned 10) to school this year (4th grade). I wish I had done it when he was in 2nd grade but I was pregnant at the time and not thinking about that.

 

He had been very argumentative and uncooperative with me all along but it was getting worse last year in 3rd grade. Like many have mentioned already, there was the constant defiant and angry questioning (i.e. "Why do I have to do math!?"), malingering, disappearing, crying, learned helplessness, etc. It was taking about 7 hours, spread out, to do a day of teaching. I was worn out and the house was being disrupted in an unacceptable way. He had never been to a "regular" daily school and had no appreciation for the benefits of homeschooling in terms of flexibility, free time, curriculum choice, etc. Things came to a head because my second is 5 1/2, doing advanced K-1st grade work, and she was not able to get any  attention from me with my oldest sucking up all my time and energy.

 

My DS initially was very fearful and scared of going to school (it's a small local private school) but he has thrived there, made friends and now likes it. All I need from them is to teach my DS structure because he is ahead academically and earning A's. He has four different teachers he sees everyday and he has to pack up his bag and go to their classes at a pre-determined time (same time every day)  without arguing or malingering. He can't just throw himself on the floor and cry for twenty minutes if he doesn't think he can do a math problem (that he can do). He can't just disappear and expect his teachers to chase him down to do his schoolwork (like I had to do). He has to function like most kids (and people) and this has been good for him. He is up at 7:00 am, starts school at 8:00 am and goes until 3:00 pm. Then he has an hour of homework. On top of that he has four days of baseball during the fall and spring seasons and piano lessons and/or piano practice  five days a week. The regimented schedule had him in tears the first month but now he sets his own timer for reading and gets started on homework on his own.

 

The rest of the house is much quieter with my DS at school all day and typically my worst day with my second is like my best day had been with him.

 

Ultimately, we decided my oldest needed the structure and the whole house couldn't be held hostage to his dysfunctional behavioral choices any longer. However, the plan is to bring him home either next year or the year after that. I really want to be in charge of his education at the middle level and beyond, and it can be difficult to have one child in a school setting (on that schedule) and the rest not. Besides it costs more than we want to spend and the public school is not a good alternative. So, I am hoping that this year (maybe one more year) will cement and inculcate the structure and work habits for good.

 

Hope that helps!

 

 

[robsiew]

Yup!  I almost sent off my 9 y/o aspie last year.  I was fit to be tied and so was he.  It was a tough year for both of us.  If I wasn't convinced that I am the best teacher for him and that home is the best place for him he would be off!  I'm glad I stuck through the year.  This year he is like a different kid.  He for the most part settled in and we have very little trouble.  The key for me was to determine that this is what is best and stick to it no matter what.  We grow more through trial than through the easy times and I can certainly say our relationship has grown.  I've grown as a parent relating to my challenging child and he has grown in relating to me.  It has ultimately I think brought us closer... I know there will be more challenges ahead, but for this year we have a respit!

 

Another family I know sent their "challenging" child to school and it was the best thing for him and the family!  Everyone else is at home and he goes off to a private school.  Best thing they did they will tell you.  Really, you have to do what in your heart you deem best for you and your child's relationship.

[Lolly]

Been there. Done that. Lasted 5 weeks before I withdrew her. The days of schooling were so much easier with my other 3. THe afternoons, nights, and weekends were horrific. Overall, it turned out to be easier to have her at home. She did not necessarily want to come back home, but she realized it was necessary and was quite relieved to return. You can always try it; it isn't like you can't press the undo button.

[eesmom]

I wanted to piggyback on this topic and ask something a little different?  I have two daughters.  Older one is difficult on a daily basis.  Constantly arguing, easily upset about everything, and super jealous of her younger sister.  She is actually very bright but not a traditional learner.  She needs to verbally process everything and needs a lot of hands on and physical presence to teach.  The younger one is just an easy going and relaxed child who is very smart and has a "can do it" attitude.  I want to homeschool but I am actually very concerned about the dynamics of having both of them together all day long.  My younger one and I would be fine and I would love to homeschool her but I know that if I were to just have her home, the older one would have a meltdown of massive proportions.  And she is the one actually wanting me to homeschool.   :crying:  I want to homeschool her too but I am seriously concerned that she would drive me insane to have her home.  

 

I am still praying and thinking through all of the options.  I am thinking of sending the older one to private school that has a smaller teacher to student ratio.  But that still leaves with the problem of older daughter being upset that the younger one would be home with me.  

 

I know that I am missing something here.  I don't mind some honest opinions here because I think there are some underlying issues that I am probably not able to see or maybe want to see? 

 

Thoughts?

 

[KrissiK]

My oldest is very difficult! Every year I work on our budget, trying to locate some extra money for tuition for the local Christian school. But, I also realize that the only thing putting him in school would accomplish is a bit of peace for a few hours. And it may cause other problems.... homework, etc.

[bethben]

My oldest student was also an intense personality (I'm not sure why God is giving me these children as an introvert!).  He was my only student with an older brother going to school and a younger brother by 4 years so it was very do-able.  His best times of the day were late morning.  Around 2-3 pm, he was cranky and irritable due to hunger, being tired - I'm not sure.  I realized that if I had sent him to school, all I would see is this miserable, cranky boy and think that was all he was.  I wouldn't have had the opportunity to see a different side to him that was a really fun, excited to learn kid.  I enjoyed being his teacher and he enjoyed learning whatever I could throw at him.  

 

My dd on the other hand is not ever happy about school, so it's a little different.  I am hoping for right now as she gets older, she calms down a bit.  I am also assuming we may not be near a school we can afford or like so I'm trying to figure out how to make the subjects she has to learn bearable for the both of us.  I can see her liking any science I give her, it's the rest of the subjects that terrify me a bit...

 

Beth

[Marie131]

I feel like that every. single. day.

 

And then I remind myself what problems I would have if I put that particular child in public school. 

 

For me, it's my oldest child.  He is waitlisted for autism testing, he has a suspected LD and possibly giftedness too.  So, yeah, he has behavior challenges to put it lightly.

 

Every day is a battle here too.  Things have eased up since I scaled waaayyyy back and shortened his lessons. I am finding that curriculum that is short and efficient w/out any frills works best for him.  He just wants to get it done so that he can move on to what he wants to do.

[ChristusG]

Yes. Nearly every day. She's 9 and will probably give me gray hair by the time she graduates. However, I know this child will not do well socially at school. She would be a teachers dream.....she would be compliant for them (not for me though), quiet, non- disruptive, and willing to please. All the things that's the total opposite for me. But she has a lot of quirks and OCD tendencies that I'm afraid would make her the target of mean kids.

[Mommyfaithe]

Yes, I have a son I want to sometimes send to school...Everyone in the house has a difficult time with him...

 

The problem I see with that though, is that I still have to parent him, and it may be more difficult if he is at school and then comes home...The influence of school could make matters worse...

 

If my reasons for wanting him to go to school were academic, I would consider it...But as it is, my reasons are just parenting issues...I am going to do the best I can and teach all of my boys how to get along with others...

 

But the thought of peace during the days is very tempting ;)

This is the same issue with my youngest. He is a tough nut. He is now learning that I can be a tougher nut. For us, he needs parenting more than I need peace.

[Elm in NJ]

I sent my 14 year old to high school last September. He was very difficult and schooling him was very draining. It didn't help that he is 6'2" and taller than my 5'11". And yes he learnt phonics on the trampoline and kindergarten was done in 15 minutes intervals throughout the day sometimes with him upside down on the table or jumping on the trampoline. He is thriving in high school.