Does homeschooling have to be hard?

[Desert Strawberry]

I have gotten the impression from many posts on this board that if homeschooling isn't hard for both parent and child that you aren't doing it right, or aren't doing it at all.

Is this an accurate understanding?

I feel that this year is our easiest and also our most effective so far. I wonder if many here would say that we aren't doing enough.

 

[Rosie_0801]

I think it inevitably is sometimes. But if that is the case, it seems logical that sometimes the stars align and all runs smoothly too. I realise my only student is 6 but we have phases where she's got the hang of her studies well enough that she doesn't need to slog, but not well enough to move on to the next thing yet. Maybe the stars corresponding to all your kids have aligned at the same time!

Actually, I don't think I believe in that. ^ :p

[MeghanL]

If you're not finding it hard and are happy with what you are doing, why ask for criticism? That just seems like a recipe for disaster. Be content that you've found your grove and go with that.  :thumbup:

[Desert Strawberry]

I think it inevitably is sometimes. But if that is the case, it seems logical that sometimes the stars align and all runs smoothly too. I realise my only student is 6 but we have phases where she's got the hang of her studies well enough that she doesn't need to slog, but not well enough to move on to the next thing yet. Maybe the stars corresponding to all your kids have aligned at the same time!

 

Actually, I don't think I believe in that. ^ :p

Personally, for us, I think I am just hitting a balance. I started out more unschooly, switched to classical when we needed *more*, now finding the right amount of each. 

By all accounts, given the ages of my kids, this should be a hard year. I went into it knowing that and planning for it. I didn't expect things to turn out this way, but I'm not complaining :)

[Desert Strawberry]

If you're not finding it hard and are happy with what you are doing, why ask for criticism? That just seems like a recipe for disaster. Be content that you've found your grove and go with that.  :thumbup:

I didn't mean to ask for criticism, though I will happily take it. 

 I'm just looking for a little conversation.

[Hunter]

No it doesn't need to be hard. In most cases, it's a choice to make it hard.

 

There were years I cried myself to sleep and spent every penny I had on curricula. There were years where I just went with the flow, and those were some of our most productive years.

[Miss Marple]

I didn't mean to ask for criticism, though I will happily take it. 

 I'm just looking for a little conversation.

Some years were harder than others.  Some years the combination of the kids' developmental states and the curriculum made for a year of smooth sailing.  From what you have listed on your signature, it looks like a good mix to me :)  

 

But remember, even if you do it all right, your kids may not remember it all.  I have been working on my son's transcript.  This is my last son...my last transcript.  He looked it over and mentioned that he never took several of the courses I had listed.  Now, I know for a fact that he did because they were courses that only he and ds#3 took together.  They were the only ones left at home, for goodness sake!  Sigh!  We do our best, we feel good about our results...then this LOL.  

[Rosie_0801]

Conversation is what you want, eh? Post a couple of braggy FB posts and I'm sure people will have something to say. :D

[73349]

If it is, I'm doing it wrong, too. I'm finding it much easier than teaching school, because there's so much less of the background/administrative work.

[Tracy]

It only seems that way, because it is the people that are having a hard time with something that are posting.  The people who are cruising along enjoying their time together are not posting.  

[EmilyGF]

There are a lot of people who choose a boxed, complete curriculum, use it, and that's it. They generally don't post on these forums!

 

Our pastor's family uses Calvert for all her kids. She hates curriculum, has no interest in research, and it works well for them.

 

Emily

[Farrar]

I don't think it ever has to be onerous.  And if everyone is miserable from the parent-teacher down to every kid, then, yes, I think that family is probably doing it wrong...  or, at least, I think they're either doing it wrong or they're in transition or hopefully trying to tweak something, because those moments are inevitable, but they shouldn't be the norm.

 

On the other hand, "hard" is so relative.  You definitely want the kids working hard sometimes.  And I can't imagine the person for whom teaching every single subject at every stage is somehow a breeze.  Sometimes it's hard.  Sometimes you have to think on your feet.  Sometimes you have to readjust.  And sometimes it's boring because you're teaching addition again and that's a different kind of "hard."  So I don't think I would say it shouldn't be "hard."

[Jean in Newcastle]

Homeschooling isn't necessarily hard.  Parenting can be hard at times - at least in our household.  And since in homeschooling there is a lot of parenting going on even with school, then yes, sometimes it is hard.  

 

Also - some of it depends on special needs.  There have been times when it has been hard because we are trying to figure out just what the needs are and what to do about it.  Without the money to throw at it.   ;)

 

And last, for me, homeschooling isn't always hard but it is work.  Sometimes enjoyable work that seems like play and sometimes not.  

[Ellie]

Well, *life* is hard. It has ups and downs. So does homeschooling...but I would never, ever describe homeschooling as "hard." That's just...weird...

[Desert Strawberry]

It only seems that way, because it is the people that are having a hard time with something that are posting.  The people who are cruising along enjoying their time together are not posting.  

That is true, but it often seems it's the posters who are giving advice or talking about that-family-who-claims-to-homeschool-but-isn't teaching-ANYTHING who propagate this stance.

[Tracy]

That is true, but it often seems it's the posters who are giving advice or talking about that-family-who-claims-to-homeschool-but-isn't teaching-ANYTHING who propagate this stance.

 

We must not be reading the same threads.  

[8filltheheart]

What is hard?   I don't think homeschooling is hard.    I do think it is work.   I do think it takes self-discipline.   But, I don't think teaching is hard.   But it is all relative.  Parenting w/o homeschooling can be hard.  

[Desert Strawberry]

Great responses. Thank you. 

 

After thinking a bit, it seems I have seen two basic quandaries over and over. "How do I do everything?" And "Is it enough?"

 

I do understand both of these concerns. I face them myself. 

As to the first, it appears to me that we are trying to pack an awful lot into a day. Much more than the average homeschooler I know IRL. The average workload seems quite heavy, leaving little time for...anything else. Especially with older kids. 

 

In response to the second question, the answers are less straightforward. There is an undercurrent of pressure to"challenge" the learner that feels a little pushy. For instance, if my kid is good at math, he should be working a grade level or more ahead, because he is capable. If he is a poor writer, I should drill him more so that he can improve. There is always the anecdote of the kid who is not being challenged by his parents, and what a shame and disservice that is. 

 

Maybe I am reading my own insecurities into this, but then, maybe I am feeling very real pressure to push just a little bit harder, because if my kids don't keep their noses to the grindstone, I won't have done right by them. As I said upthread, we are having an easy year. Part of me feels that I will be judged as a lazy homeschooler, and part of me feels like if we aren't working hard at this, I am falling short.

The majority of me is very happy with our progress so far, and telling those little parts to shut it and enjoy this  :lol:

 

[quark]

Personally, I like homeschooling (or whatever it is we say we are doing at home  :D ) to be hard work. I like being kept on my toes. Otherwise, we get bored too easily.

[quark]

Maybe I am reading my own insecurities into this, but then, maybe I am feeling very real pressure to push just a little bit harder, because if my kids don't keep their noses to the grindstone, I won't have done right by them. As I said upthread, we are having an easy year. Part of me feels that I will be judged as a lazy homeschooler, and part of me feels like if we aren't working hard at this, I am falling short.

The majority of me is very happy with our progress so far, and telling those little parts to shut it and enjoy this  :lol:

 

What's super hard is being a parent who wants the best for our kids. Hope the big parts that are feeling happy manage to overcome the little parts. :)

 

[sewingmama]

Homeschooling for me IS hard. I'm not as smart as everyone else on this board seems to be...I need a lot of scripted stuff to teach properly. So yes...the teaching is hard for me.

[Desert Strawberry]

Homeschooling for me IS hard. I'm not as smart as everyone else on this board seems to be...I need a lot of scripted stuff to teach properly. So yes...the teaching is hard for me.

I don't think it's a matter of being smart. I think it's a talent, or a skill. I worked with kids for many years and I have a behavioral sciences degree. I *should* be good at this. Many people here have similar backgrounds, or backgrounds in "hard" subjects. Not everyone shares the same background. I am great with little kids. My 11 year old is quickly outpacing me in math and hard sciences. I don't know what we are going to do in a couple of years.  :scared:

[NASDAQ]

Regarding accelerating kids: For my kids, yes, I expect them to be working at least a year or two ahead in math. And if they're no good at writing, I'd drill them. I do expect my kids to be at or well above BC grade level in everything that I consider to be important.

[Jean in Newcastle]

That is true, but it often seems it's the posters who are giving advice or talking about that-family-who-claims-to-homeschool-but-isn't teaching-ANYTHING who propagate this stance.

I think you misunderstand.  It is often the posters who are giving advice or talking about that-family-who-claims-to-homeschool-but-isn't-teaching-ANYTHING who propagate the stance that homeschooling actually requires some work.  Work does not mean hard necessarily, but it is work.  Now the amount of work can vary greatly depending on the variables of  how many kids you have, what their ages are, what their strengths and weaknesses are, and what kind of a curriculum you use, but it does require some actual thought.  

[Arcadia]

After thinking a bit, it seems I have seen two basic quandaries over and over. "How do I do everything?" And "Is it enough?"

I face the same questions whether I am working before kids, SAHM or SAHM with a child in school or SAHM with kids schooling at home. I blame it on my type A perfectionist personality :)

Parenting is the hard part regardless of where the child "schools".

[HS Mom in NC]

No one can do everything.  Focus on doing a thorough job of the most important things.

 

Homeschooling has so many dimensions to it that I think people need to be more specific.  Homeschoolers (especially those with a wider age range of children) do several things every day-often at the same time: academics, running a household, parenting and dealing with family dynamics. At different times, depending on the at the moment situation and the personalities involved, there is potential for one, some or all of those things to be hard. They can be hard for a very short period of time or they can be hard for a long period of time. Some of them spill over into others aspects of family life and some happen in a more compartmentalized way.

I think running a household is really easy, but I grew up on a farm with 3 older brothers and  a mother who was great at it, so I have experience.  I'm stunned how many adult women in America have no idea how to run a household efficiently. They did well in their studies and careers, but keeping it all humming along baffles them.  Many start trying to learn that skill set while homeschooling which makes it much harder.

Some families have much less challenging family dynamics than others. We don't.  Family dynamics spills into everything when you homeschool.  It's incredibly mentally and emotionally challenging for everyone.

 

The OP seems to focus on the academic aspects.  I don't see any reason why 11, 7, 4 and 2 should make for an especially hard year.  What do you mean this should be a hard year?  What should be hard about it and why? Don't you think planning for a hard year makes it categorically easier to deal with and results in it being not as hard as if you hadn't planned for it?  I don't know exactly what you made you assume it would be and what plans you made that specifically address that (the possibilities are endless there) but in general, planning for the worst and hoping for the best usually makes life smoother over all. Perhaps you're experiencing the benefits of that?

 

You also address the unschooling issue.  I'm around a very large, very diverse group of unschoolers.  Most people in America (even homeschoolers) aren't.  So, keep in mind that when many people describe unschooling, the particular unschooling they're witnessing can be anything from doing nothing at all (this does happen sometimes) to actively supporting a child who really is pursuing their own interests in valuable, if unconventional ways.  The worst case situations are going to get the most press.  No one goes on and on posting about the typical homeschooling family doing just fine.
 

I suppose, if you think things may not be challenging enough you could try to do something more challenging and if it all falls apart, go back to what you're doing now.  Where exactly do you want your kids to be at end of their homeschooling experience?  At the end of this school year?  In say....3 or 5 years?  Are they well on their way or are they ahead or behind?

I think if you explore your options now in higher math, you might not feel so insecure right now.  There are teaching textbooks, video instruction, co-ops, online schooling, tutors, part time enrollment at a public or private schools available all over the country.  What's available around your neck of the woods? When my 15 year old got to Calculus my husband, who teaches our kids Jr. High/Sr, High math and science said he didn't want to teach it anymore.  She goes to the local community college and is doing very very well.  It worked out for all of us and she's getting credit for it. 

Why did you switch to a more Classical approach?  Is there anything Classical you'd like to add to the mix?  Do you need a year of everyone doing really really well where they are and taking it easier?  Consider that in the younger years. Should you take this opportunity (an easier year) to add more that you've been considering?

 

Homeschooling is such an individualized thing that it's not helpful to do too much comparing to others. Sure, you need to decide what your minimum standards are for you kids in each subject and as it relates to what they're doing and how they're acting.   You definitely need to think about your short, mid-range and long term goals and evaluate what you focus on and what you let go.   But in the end, remember not everyone else is you.  They don't have the kids you do.  They don't have the daily situations you do. No matter how you homeschool your kids, other homeschoolers will disagree with how you do it.  Everyone has an underlying educational philosophy whether they're conscious of it or not. That's not categorically a bad thing-it's a sign of diversity of thought in the homeschooling community which is categorically a good thing.
 

[lewelma]

 

Maybe I am reading my own insecurities into this, but then, maybe I am feeling very real pressure to push just a little bit harder, because if my kids don't keep their noses to the grindstone, I won't have done right by them.

 

I will speak to this.  I believe that all children should have to work.  If you use an average curriculum with all children, the slower ones will have to work very hard and the brighter ones will learn to coast.  One of the reasons I homeschool is that I believe that material that is too easy for a child teaches him/her 3 things:

 

1) I am smarter than everyone else

2) Everything is easy

3) I don't have to work hard to succeed.

 

And I firmly believe that these 3 personality traits will be the death to all drive and motivation, and future success and happiness in life. 

 

I evaluate a student's competence in each subject independently, and then ramp each one up to an appropriate level of difficulty.  I do not require more *time*, just more *thinking.*  I also purposely chose 1 or 2 easy subjects to balance the harder ones.  I constantly re-evaluate to make sure that the mix is just right.  I certainly do not always get it right, but I do try.

 

IMHO, the hidden curriculum is just as important as the academics.

 

Ruth in NZ

[lewelma]

I should also add, that for me an easy year is one where we are nicely balanced in scheduling, and have enough but not too many extracurriculars.  Where my kids' attitudes are positive and they are helpful around the house. 

 

An easy year has nothing to do with how difficult the curriculum is.

 

So perhaps you need to think about what makes things 'easy' in your eyes.  Are they good things? 

 

Ruth in NZ

[G5052]

I will speak to this.  I believe that all children should have to work.  If you use an average curriculum with all children, the slower ones will have to work very hard and the brighter ones will learn to coast.  One of the reasons I homeschool is that I believe that material that is too easy for a child teaches him/her 3 things:

 

1) I am smarter than everyone else

2) Everything is easy

3) I don't have to work hard to succeed.

 

And I firmly believe that these 3 personality traits will be the death to all drive and motivation, and future success and happiness in life. 

 

I evaluate a student's competence in each subject independently, and then ramp each one up to an appropriate level of difficulty.  I do not require more *time*, just more *thinking.*  I also purposely chose 1 or 2 easy subjects to balance the harder ones.  I constantly re-evaluate to make sure that the mix is just right.  I certainly do not always get it right, but I do try.

 

IMHO, the hidden curriculum is just as important as the academics.

 

Ruth in NZ

 

I was a relaxed homeschooler when they were little and allowed a lot of play and outside time, but now with teens...call me the Mean Mama.  Mine will do the minimum if they can, and life just doesn't favor that at all.  You have to be able to work through hard, long projects and stay with it.   I push them hard because they're capable and because I have their best interests at heart.  I want them to sweat a bit for me.

[Dmmetler]

This has been the easiest year for me so far, and in many ways, it's the most academically intense. I think it's because it's easier to have a child pushing through hard material who is interested and wants to move on, as opposed to dragging a child through material that is repetitious and annoying for the child, while, at the same time, we've trimmed a lot of the outside stuff to do what DD enjoys/is most important. Sometimes it's a bit of a wrench to do things like say "No" to the wonderful Shakespeare class offered by a local theater company because DD would rather spend that time outside looking for things with fangs and rattles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[boscopup]

I should also add, that for me an easy year is one where we are nicely balanced in scheduling, and have enough but not too many extracurriculars.  Where my kids' attitudes are positive and they are helpful around the house. 

 

An easy year has nothing to do with how difficult the curriculum is.

 

So perhaps you need to think about what makes things 'easy' in your eyes.  Are they good things? 

 

Ruth in NZ

 

This. I'm not finding homeschooling "hard". It is "work", but not "hard". Our day is going fairly smoothly most of the time, and my kids are learning. I am not pushing them so hard that they break. They know what they need to do, and they're doing it. In their subjects of strength, I will push them a little more. My oldest is doing hard math, but he LOVES IT. So we have an enjoyable school day. My middle son doesn't enjoy the subjects he struggles in, but he also looks forward to his "hard math" (we use two math curricula - one easy, one hard). Sometimes the harder stuff is more fun. If it's too easy, they get bored and/or coast. I'm homeschooling because my oldest was coasting in his private school. He was not being challenged at all. He was bored to tears and really not learning anything new. And I was afraid he would never learn to WORK. So yes, he works at his level, which often is above grade level. He does the same amount of time as any other child his grade level, but he has higher level input so he has to work at it. It's hard, but not it's not too hard. He enjoys it. I don't make every subject hard though. I haven't pushed reading since he was in 1st grade. He reads well and reads all the time, so I've mostly just let him read. I'm not making him work at reading, and he's not getting bored in reading - he just reads what he wants. I do however make him work at math and writing (and writing is not above level - that's his weakest subject).

[KrissiK]

I guess it depends. The actual schooling isn't hard. It's managing the three ring circus that is my family that is hard. Let's see, the boys are very close in age and they fight all the time, DS1 breaks every pencil he touches and would rather play soccer or Legos than do school, even though he's smart. The boys tease their sister, she shrieks, they fight over who get to sit on the couch during read-aloud time, even though we have a very specific schedule on the calendar with everything marked on it from who gets to sit on the couch and when, to who gets to lead flag salute, to basically everything else they could possibly find to fight over. When you couple that with two little ones who need some attention, too, a house that is a disaster, the need to do laundry and feed these people occasionally....

Yes, homeschooling is hard. For me!

[Pen]

For me, I would say that homeschooling is far easier than brick and mortar schooling was--though it misses the daily social aspect of seeing a bunch of other parents around pick up drop off times, and for school functions and volunteering requirements. I guess I think I am better at teaching and supervising learning than at chauffeuring, sewing on name labels, overseeing someone else's homework ideas that seem like nonsense to me,  and all the myriad other things b&m school required.

 

For my son, I would say that homeschooling is more challenging academically than brick and mortar school was, so "harder" in that sense, but also more free and flexible and more geared to his own interests, and less time consuming to achieve more in all areas except the social aspect, so "easier" in that sense.

 

It was hardest at the very start for me when I was figuring out laws and materials for the first time, and for us both when reading was being remediated, which was a lot of work--but that would not be a problem for most homeschoolers. It has gotten overall easier as we have progressed. I think being "do the next thingers" with times for subjects rather than planning out all the details in "lesson plans" has helped make it easier, as has allowing ds to be self-propelled in any subject where he is ready to do that.

[Alte Veste Academy]

I love what lewelma had to say, except that I would add that any day in which I had to teach older kids AND wrangle a 2 year old would be hard in my book. ;)

[Penelope]

Yes, the hard is not really the homeschooling part, but the homeschooling plus wearing many other hats at the same time, and trying to accomplish everything with a high level of competence and finesse.

[ByGrace3]

For me, homeschooling is "hard," but really that has to do more with my own shortcomings. ;) I don't think it has to be "hard". It is work. It is challenging. It's not as hard as it was last year or the year I had toddler...The hard part isn't the actual schooling...it's the parenting. I am around my kids every waking moment. All of their quirks and character flaws stare me in the face, there is no escaping them. To me that is a good thing, but it's hard. It's hard to balance challenge without defeating them. To balance academics and play. To balance dealing with a little one in the mix. Just because it is hard does not mean I don't enjoy it, and just because someone else finds such challenges not "hard" does not mean they are not doing a good job. 

 

Some people find researching curriculum "hard', I find it fun. We all have different definitions of "hard." Challenge is good, enjoyment in this process is necessary. Hard is subjective, and certainly not a prerequisite to success...work and challenge are though, I think. Perhaps some just face challenge more graciously than I. :) 

[mama27]

I think it depends on the kid. Some kids are just harder children to PARENT. I had some relatively easy girls to homeschool then we adopted 3 boys that are very close in age and VERY Boyish and suddenly everything was harder, including homeschooling. Then we got their younger sister and things got more chaotic.

It's been 7 years since we did that and some years have been more difficult than others. I never had any doubts that homeschooling was the perfect and ONLY thing to do till about 2 years ago. I struggled and looked at bus schedules and private school tuition and got over myself. lol

So the answer is yes and no. lol