How do you feel about "exclusive" co-ops?

[NotSoObvious]

I've had a few run-ins lately with co-ops/playgroups that are fairly exclusive, either invitation only or you have to apply and basically be interviewed. (Secular groups, religion isn't a factor, if it makes a difference.)

 

I'm not sure how I feel about them. I've always enjoyed the come-as-you-are groups and love inviting new families and making them feel welcome. The social piece can be hard for new families to navigate and we are so lucky where we live to have many open groups.

 

We are moving and the groups in the new area all seem to be exclusive in some fashion. I understand the reasons, I suppose, but I'm also not sure how I feel about belonging to "the club" and having to keep it secret from/not inviting other families. I feel like our weekday time is extremely limited and I want to make sure we are using it wisely, with people we enjoy, doing things we enjoy, and that changes throughout the year. I'd hate to have to tell one family, "Sorry, we are doing this activity today and you can't come even though we truly enjoy your friendship."

 

The whole thing is feeling bizarre to me, but maybe it's just because it's something we haven't done before.

 

Do you belong to groups like this where you aren't allowed to invite anyone else, ever? How does it work? Is being that exclusive worth it? In what way?

[Murphy101]

*shrug*

I don't think you have to keep anything a secret. You just tell people it's a member only event.

 

I don't have a problem with it, tho it's not my thing anymore.

 

Mostly I'm too busy/lazy to go to that much trouble. :)

[NotSoObvious]

 

 

Mostly I'm too busy/lazy to go to that much trouble. :)

 

 

I'm wondering if I'm going to feel this way. I keep reading through the material thinking, "Gosh, this seems like a lot of trouble to go to for a few classes or events." But maybe there aren't many open and easy activities in the area? I don't know.

[QueenCat]

There are pros and cons to doing groups in that manner. One of the biggest pros is keeping the group at a manageable size for activities and events. As to telling non-members what you were doing, why would you? If you aren't free, you just say "I'm sorry, we aren't free that day. Can we get together another time?". No different than if you were busy for another reason.

[BigMamaBird]

I don't have a problem with others having groups like that, but I probably wouldn't join one. I can imagine they may have had some past dramas they are trying to avoid having in the future so they carefully decide who's in the group. I don't agree with it, but I can understand it.

[Murphy101]

That's how I have felt in most groups and coops. I'd go through a ton of hoops and drama to be there and yet it was rare for them to have anything that net the needs of my family. So why the blazes was I doing it?! Took me awhile to decide there really wasn't a good reason and I haven't been a part of any group or coop in years. And haven't felt the loss at all. I think many parents seem to reach this point in middle or high school with their kids. It partially explains why there are very few parents of older kids in any if the groups around here.

 

Obviously ymmv.

[Cricket]

Here there are homeschool groups that meet in at different parks and are pretty loose. We used to go to one of those. Last year we joined a co-op with a definite academic purpose so that is naturally exclusive and drop-ins definitely wouldn't work. Kids have to have worked on their assignments beforehand. I don't really understand the issue. It's not a big deal to tell someone you are busy on a particular day and reschedule something. If a group fits the needs of your family, then go for it.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Most groups around me have statement of faith. I help lead a group that was started on Christian beliefs but the current group is a variety of people and I love that about it. The co-op thing I get somewhat. Extremely religious people don't want the atheist teaching science. Or vice versa. But the opportunity for groups to just hang out and do fun things with is almost nill. Which is why I like my group. No judgements. But we are also small. Many won't join b/c the site says nondenomination Christian. So it's not religious enough or too religious. It's so weird how few of us are in the middle.

[QueenCat]

Most groups around me have statement of faith. I help lead a group that was started on Christian beliefs but the current group is a variety of people and I love that about it. The co-op thing I get somewhat. Extremely religious people don't want the atheist teaching science. Or vice versa. But the opportunity for groups to just hang out and do fun things with is almost nill. Which is why I like my group. No judgements. But we are also small. Many won't join b/c the site says nondenomination Christian. So it's not religious enough or too religious. It's so weird how few of us are in the middle.

 

Around here, nondenominational would generally mean "more" conservative religiously, not in the middle. Really not meaning to sound "snarky" but do you really mean "interdenominational", where all denominations are welcome?

[Ellie]

I've had a few run-ins lately with co-ops/playgroups that are fairly exclusive, either invitation only or you have to apply and basically be interviewed. (Secular groups, religion isn't a factor, if it makes a difference.)

 

I'm not sure how I feel about them. I've always enjoyed the come-as-you-are groups and love inviting new families and making them feel welcome. The social piece can be hard for new families to navigate and we are so lucky where we live to have many open groups.

 

We are moving and the groups in the new area all seem to be exclusive in some fashion. I understand the reasons, I suppose, but I'm also not sure how I feel about belonging to "the club" and having to keep it secret from/not inviting other families. I feel like our weekday time is extremely limited and I want to make sure we are using it wisely, with people we enjoy, doing things we enjoy, and that changes throughout the year. I'd hate to have to tell one family, "Sorry, we are doing this activity today and you can't come even though we truly enjoy your friendship."

 

The whole thing is feeling bizarre to me, but maybe it's just because it's something we haven't done before.

 

Do you belong to groups like this where you aren't allowed to invite anyone else, ever? How does it work? Is being that exclusive worth it? In what way?

 

First, I'm not a big fan of co-ops in general.

 

Support groups, though, I think are important. And there is a difference between a co-op and a support group ("play groups" are what you do with young, pre-school age children).

 

I would not join a support group that had any sort of interview process (I also wouldn't do one with a weekly park day or other weekly activities, but that's just me :D ), other than a chat with the leader who might talk about what the support group is like, and what kinds of things it does, and that yes, it's a Christian/secular group, and so on, so that I could decide if the support group is a good fit for me.

 

I don't have a problem with a support group being made up of Christians (or any other faith-based group), although it is sad when non-Christians are not allowed to participate. As a leader of a Christian group, I just made sure that newcomers knew from the beginning that we were Christians, and that there would probably be prayer and celebrating Christian holidays, and whatnot, so that newcomers could decide on their own if we were a good match for them.

[NotSoObvious]

 

First, I'm not a big fan of co-ops in general.

 

Support groups, though, I think are important. And there is a difference between a co-op and a support group ("play groups" are what you do with young, pre-school age children).

 

I would not join a support group that had any sort of interview process (I also wouldn't do one with a weekly park day or other weekly activities, but that's just me :D ), other than a chat with the leader who might talk about what the support group is like, and what kinds of things it does, and that yes, it's a Christian/secular group, and so on, so that I could decide if the support group is a good fit for me.

 

I don't have a problem with a support group being made up of Christians (or any other faith-based group), although it is sad when non-Christians are not allowed to participate. As a leader of a Christian group, I just made sure that newcomers knew from the beginning that we were Christians, and that there would probably be prayer and celebrating Christian holidays, and whatnot, so that newcomers could decide on their own if we were a good match for them.

 

 

Hmm. That gives me some good questions to ask, then. They seem to do a lot of different things.

 

Around here, we call everything playgroup because that's what they are. The kids just play at the park or in the woods. It's wonderful.

 

Maybe that's more of what I'm looking for, rather than structured activities. Hmm. I'll have to think about it.

[TravelingChris]

I have lived in many places and how groups were organized were different in different areas. I can't remember which ones had me sign a statement of faith versus just have a statement of faith that was the standard, at least not the ones more than 10 years ago. I had one where I was interviewed. I can't remember exactly what the questions were about since either our SOF was broad (we had at least one Orthodox Christian family in the group) or we didn't have to sign. That was more than 10 years ago (more like 14 years ago). More recently, I had one with a long questionnaire. I didn't do it the first year there but then decided to join. THe group was great and my kids got a lot out of it. The following move, we found a co-op that had a statement of faith that did not require you to hold to it, just not teach against it. This time there was a phone interview but it was mostly about how I could fit in to the co-op and how I could help (I ended up teaching economics and government). I wasn't teaching science and my kids didn't take it and the group was fabulous. Over here, I have been involved in two. One was with my cover school and again, there is a statement of faith of the school but you don't have to hold to it. I happen to agree with most SOFs unless they get into creation debates but if they are standard Apostle's Creed or basic tenets of Christian faith, I have no issues with them. My current co-op had no interview just an application process.

[JNW]

The co-op I'm joining has you sign a "covenant" which is basically an agreement that you have the same basic Christian beliefs as the rest of the group. I think that is great. Since we meet once a week for the entire day and teach our kids together, it's pretty important to me that we all agree on some core beliefs. But this is a group that covers three counties in a very rural area. There aren't a lot of options for us. So if I want any kind of support, this looks like the best choice for our family.

[beaners]

 

Around here, nondenominational would generally mean "more" conservative religiously, not in the middle. Really not meaning to sound "snarky" but do you really mean "interdenominational", where all denominations are welcome?

 

 

I attended a nondenominational church as a child which was not conservative at all. Perhaps it has a different meaning in your area, but I've always seen it used to represent a group that is Christian and not affiliated with a particular denomination. It just means that it isn't a Catholic or Baptist or Methodist group.

[QueenCat]

I attended a nondenominational church as a child which was not conservative at all. Perhaps it has a different meaning in your area, but I've always seen it used to represent a group that is Christian and not affiliated with a particular denomination. It just means that it isn't a Catholic or Baptist or Methodist group.

 

 

I've never seen it mean "interdenominational" but rather "not associated with a specific denomination", like your definition. Most I've seen are conservative but that part doesn't change what it means, from my experiences. They still usually have some sort of statement of faith or beliefs.

[Ellie]

 

 

Hmm. That gives me some good questions to ask, then. They seem to do a lot of different things.

 

Around here, we call everything playgroup because that's what they are. The kids just play at the park or in the woods. It's wonderful.

 

Maybe that's more of what I'm looking for, rather than structured activities. Hmm. I'll have to think about it.

 

In California, I think all support groups had park days, because they can, lol. A support group is still different from a play group. :-)

 

My first support group (of which I was a founder, in 1983) started out with just a monthly, informal park day. Kids played while mothers talked. It was wonderful. Of course, we were all inventing homeschooling, lol, and we had lots to talk about. Eventually, someone came along who became the Official Leader, and who was very structured--announcements at the beginning of park day which could take up to an hour, age-segregated, weekly field trips (??!! age-segregated? really??) and more. She burned out after a year. Another leader rose in her place, who was even more structured, and a good number of us left the group. We liked relaxed park days. It was a large support group by then, and I'm sure no one missed us. :-)

 

My next support group, in another part of the state, had weekly park days, a monthly Moms' Night Out (at someone's home; the hostess set the agenda, and she didn't tell us ahead of time what it was), and field trips, and things like Christmas parties and end-of-year celebrations and whatnot. Eventually I became one of the leaders. I convinced the members that a monthly park day was better than a weekly one (and on Friday instead of Thursday), and we planned two field trips a month, also on Fridays. We planned field trips twice a year; whoever came to the planning meeting was the committee :-) No one planned more than two field trips, so if only two people came, there were only four field trips for the next six months (we never had that problem). We had only one official business meeting a year, at the August MNO; at that time we passed around a list of possible group parties--Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc.; whoever signed up did the planning on her own (usually, several people signed up, and no planning was done at MNO); if no one signed up for an event, then it didn't happen. So we had many good activities, but there was no pressure on anyone to do more than she was able. We had just enough activities without the support group taking over people's lives. :-)

 

I watched other groups over the years wear themselves out with so many activities, putting pressure on people to lead and organize and whatnot. And electing officers, and interviewing members...ACK. Those groups especially did not last very long.

[Ellie]

To each their own, but not my thing.

:iagree:

 

I had a very bad, terrible, long-term-suffering experience with people who thought they needed to be the Holy Spirit in people's lives by requiring support group members to sign a statement of faith, be interviewed by two board members, and not let their dc play with Ninja turtles. Seriously. :glare:

[beaners]

I've never seen it mean "interdenominational" but rather "not associated with a specific denomination", like your definition. Most I've seen are conservative but that part doesn't change what it means, from my experiences. They still usually have some sort of statement of faith or beliefs.

 

I've more often seen interdenominational when it's a group limited to certain specific denominations, but I suppose it could go either way. It's all really irrelevant for me because I'm unlikely to join a group with any exclusionary principle other than "No jerks allowed."

[Dmmetler]

My group started out as "send an e-mail and get added to the local discussion board", but is moving to requiring that prospective members come to a monthly open meeting or a park day before we add you. The primary reason is that most of our events are ones held in people's houses, and while I'm more than willing to host an NME study group, publishing my address on a board that's open to anyone and inviting complete strangers into my home isn't terribly comfortable. We also started a $20/yr fee for the same reason-it does cover some of the group's expenses, like the website and insurance (for the first couple of years, the group organizers paid such fees out of their own pockets)-but more importantly, we want to encourage people to check us out and get to know us, and vice-versa before joining so that we're comfortable if they want to join into less public events. During the summer, if we're going to do anything in a public place, like a park meet-up, or going to a zoo or a museum, we post it on the Facebook page, because we want people who are thinking about homeschooling to have the chance to see what we do and talk to people who have been doing it awhile-but we're no longer quite as open.

[Tess in the Burbs]

 

 

Around here, nondenominational would generally mean "more" conservative religiously, not in the middle. Really not meaning to sound "snarky" but do you really mean "interdenominational", where all denominations are welcome?

 

Yes we mean a non specific denomination. It means you may hear a prayer at the Christmas party and hymns. Park days are just fun. Nothing else. All are welcome. The owner wants that statement to encourage people to come. No statement to sign. But she might post something Christian on the email loop ;-)

[catz]

I've done a few classes on and off, and mostly did not like co-ops for us. I had to be on site the whole time, my kids would get squirrely, and academically they were mostly a miss anyway.

 

Last year my son was old enough for a teen co-op - it's secular/welcoming to anyone, anyone can sign up for a class, it's drop off (I just volunteer as door monitor one or 2X a semester). And the one class we signed up for was professionally taught and amazing. Did I mention, it's 4 miles from our house? Socially it's awesome too. So anyway, we'll definitely be doing that again, but it's pretty unique. My kid is ahead academically for age so not everything offered for his age range makes sense.

[Wabi Sabi]

I haven't participated in any co-ops, but I have a friend who organizes them each year for her children, and she swears by keeping them private, invite-only. For instance, If she's offering to organize a science co-op that meets in her basement, she'll hand select and invite a few select families whose homeschooling styles and philosophies mesh well with her own. In the past, when she'd opened it up to the local homeschooling community at large, it became a problem when families had different expectations regarding assignments and workload, children with behavioral problems, very structured families butting heads with the more free-flowing unschoolers, etc. If I were to ever do a co-op I think it would actually make sense to be more selective so that you have a cohesive group who are all on the same page with regards to academic and behavioral expectations.

[NotSoObvious]

I haven't participated in any co-ops, but I have a friend who organizes them each year for her children, and she swears by keeping them private, invite-only. For instance, If she's offering to organize a science co-op that meets in her basement, she'll hand select and invite a few select families whose homeschooling styles and philosophies mesh well with her own. In the past, when she'd opened it up to the local homeschooling community at large, it became a problem when families had different expectations regarding assignments and workload, children with behavioral problems, very structured families butting heads with the more free-flowing unschoolers, etc. If I were to ever do a co-op I think it would actually make sense to be more selective so that you have a cohesive group who are all on the same page with regards to academic and behavioral expectations.

 

 

I can totally see this for the purpose of a small co-op, especially in your own home. Absolutely.

[Ellie]

 

Well that sounds really um...pleasant. :blink:

 

 

You can't even imagine.

 

And the fall-out from this particular leader and her group reached far into the homeschooling community. I was not the only one burned.

[Ellie]

My group started out as "send an e-mail and get added to the local discussion board", but is moving to requiring that prospective members come to a monthly open meeting or a park day before we add you. The primary reason is that most of our events are ones held in people's houses, and while I'm more than willing to host an NME study group, publishing my address on a board that's open to anyone and inviting complete strangers into my home isn't terribly comfortable. We also started a $20/yr fee for the same reason-it does cover some of the group's expenses, like the website and insurance (for the first couple of years, the group organizers paid such fees out of their own pockets)-but more importantly, we want to encourage people to check us out and get to know us, and vice-versa before joining so that we're comfortable if they want to join into less public events. During the summer, if we're going to do anything in a public place, like a park meet-up, or going to a zoo or a museum, we post it on the Facebook page, because we want people who are thinking about homeschooling to have the chance to see what we do and talk to people who have been doing it awhile-but we're no longer quite as open.

 

 

I think it's reasonable for a support group which has an actual, physical presence (e.g. park day or monthly meeting) in addition to an e-mail list to ask prospective members to show up in person.

 

I think I might like your support group. :cheers2:

[bobbeym]

I could see joining an exclusive co-op if it strongly met our academic needs, but not an exclusive support group. It seems to me like making it exclusive would create more drama rather than reduce it.

 

Our support group is Christian-based but open to anyone to join as long as they don't mind meeting in a church gym and group meals being blessed before serving starts. Members also have to pay $25/year to help cover administrative and group costs.

 

Most of our activities are monthly: skating night for everyone, teen game day hosted by a different family each month with a special snack, pizza dinner (mostly teens, but open to all), birthday celebration, and then generic gym days twice a month. Twice a year they plan camping trips. Field trips, park days, Mom's Night Out, pool parties, and anything else are scheduled as desired or as the opportunity presents itself.

 

For whatever reasons, the majority of our official members don't attend very many of the activities but it's given us a good chance to connect with the smaller core group of families that regularly attend the teen functions.

[G5052]

We've done it different ways -- volunteer-run co-op, exclusive co-op, paid group with aspects of co-ops, classroom paid classes, and online paid classes.

 

I've been there both on the outside wishing that we'd be invited to some of the exclusive groups I've had hints about, and as part of an exclusive group that didn't feel good about someone that was pushing themselves on us. In my experience though, the exclusive groups can be among the best. The teachers are usually very dedicated, and you are more likely to get along with those in the group. The open groups we've been in have been uneven. Sometimes really, really good, and sometimes not-so-good.

 

Ultimately it is about the people though. Over and over we've seen that. Next year we're involved in an exclusive group and online classes, and I have no concerns. In a way, hand-picking isn't bad.

[KungFuPanda]

I don't have a problem with exclusivity as long as people are honest about it. I also don't have friends who expect to attend every event with us. My daughter wouldn't invite a dance friend on a Girl Scout camping trip. Don't ALL organized groups have SOME sort of standards? A yahoo group that announces a monthly play day at a public park CAN be a free-for-all because the parents and children have no obligation past showing up when or if they feel like it. Anything more organized than that and people start creating rules and exclusions to attract like-minded people, weed out slackers, or maintain personal safety and comfort.

 

I've always avoided faith-based groups because my good homeschooling friends are so religiously diverse. The co-op we're in IS slightly exclusionary. You MUST remain on-site. You MUST teach or co-teach one class. You MUST do your 'chore' when it's your turn. While this is a good fit for ME, it DOES exclude people who want to drop their kids off, or who don't want to teach/help in the classroom, or who don't care to help clean up after lunch. I'm happy because I get to teach whatever I want to teach. Others might be happier with a co-op that offers a very specific list of classes year after year.

 

Everything has its own parameters. Heck, even the YahooGroups Park Day folks are excluding people without computer access.

[HS Mom in NC]

I get it. Around here they're often called open groups or closed groups. Open groups have no criteria for joining, no statements of faith, etc. Closed groups have criteria.

 

I've only been to a couple of co-ops and they would've been better if they had been more exclusive or had interviewed the mothers. Not because of differing beliefs, but because of differing expectations.

 

I'm not making this up, I went to one where every week we met there was a book discussion, craft, game, and snack related to the books (American Girl.) Several people attended who didn't bother to have their children read the books-they said they were just there for the socialization. Some didn't show up to the planning session to help with the planning or to volunteer for any responsibilities but weren't shy about complaining about things that didn't suit them. Some didn't supervise their children who were too young to participate and it caused disruptions. It was all take, no give on their part. Co-ops are supposed to be about everyone sharing the load.

 

We also had people who had no respect for other people's time. They'd walk in during the middle of the book discussion or other craft activity and expect the person leading it to stop and start over from the beginning so their child could catch up while the other 30+ kids sat and waited for them. Then some would want to stay and chatter away for over an HOUR after it was over and the hostess would have to push them out the door because she had to go.

 

Another mom who had been too long in ps culture left the planning session early (which wasn't a big deal) but then was outraged when the woman hosting didn't contact her later with all the details of the planning. She couldn't accept that it was HER responsibility to contact the hostess for details.

 

Another co-op one was socialization oriented but the hostess was so self centered it wasn't worth it. She picked the park day and time and a couple dozen families started meeting there for many months. Then her daughter made the ps softball team which conflicted with the park times so instead of bowing out during softball season, she decided to change the day and time to suit her own schedule. This would've been fine if it had been at her house, but it was at a park and she expected everyone to switch to her schedule. You'll all be shocked to know it didn't work out for many of them and the group dwindled.

 

Later, that same woman hosted an event at her house and told everyone to bring snacks. No specifications about which kind of snacks were made. When everyone showed up she wouldn't allow anything that wasn't organic to be put out on the snack table. Got that? She didn't say her kinds shouldn't eat non-organic food, no one was allowed to eat non-organic food in her house-even the guests that brought the non-organic food.

 

Co-ops can be well worth the effort, but there are legitimate reasons for screening for people with similar expectations.

 

1. Will the time be strictly adhered to or is it more flexible? Will late comers be expected to slip in and catch up on their own? Will everything stop while late comers are helped by those leading? Say so up front and make sure everyone knows which it is.

 

2. Co-ops are about sharing the load. Exactly what is expected of each parent who signs up? What if that parent doesn't follow through? Is there a back up plan? I once filled in for a mom on 2 hours notice because her child broke his arm and had to go to the hospital the day she was supposed to lead the book discussion and activity.

 

3. What about wee ones? Who is responsible for siblings who are too young to participate?

 

4. What's the focus of this co-op? Social? Academic? Extra-curricular? Is a particular world view going to be maintained in the assignments and discussions? Will a wide range of world views be represented? Say so up front.

 

5. What about the planning? Will everything be decided before the first session? Will it be plan as you go? Who decides? How will the decisions be communicated?

 

6. How will disruptive and uncooperative children be dealt with? If it's academic and a child isn't doing the assignments, how will you handle it?

 

7. Is there a dress code? Some people have very specific ideas about what a girl should be wearing at teen groups. I heard of a group that had to have a written policy because some people in that group didn't want their teens at a group with girls swimming in bikinis and wearing short skirts with bare midriffs the rest of the time.

 

8. If you're going to be the hostess of a co-op ask yourself these questions: Am I fairly organized? Am I good at communicating? Am I good at follow through? Am I willing to handle problems that arise in a decisive way? Do I have thick enough skin to do what's necessary and recover from the inevitable difficult situation with another parent?

[Crimson Wife]

 

Around here, nondenominational would generally mean "more" conservative religiously, not in the middle. Really not meaning to sound "snarky" but do you really mean "interdenominational", where all denominations are welcome?

 

No, "nondenominational" means that it is generically Christian and doesn't teach any specific denomination's doctrine. "Interdenominational" is a synonym for "ecumenical", meaning that several different denominations are getting together to work on something. The town where my parents live now has an interdenominational church called First Federated Church of _____. I think it's Congregationalist, Methodist, and the liberal branch of the Lutherans. The town is small enough that when one of the original 3 churches burned down in the mid-19th century, they decided to combine with the other two rather than rebuild. The Federated Church has one pastor, but families pick which of the three denominations to affiliate with based on their beliefs or family tradition or what have you.

[Crimson Wife]

When we first started homeschooling, there was a co-op run by a lady in our inclusive support group. It was an established co-op but there were a bunch of younger siblings just reaching kindergarten age so there was going to be a younger group starting up. One of the other co-op members invited DD to join the younger group because there was a preponderance of boys. However, the inviter apparently did this without first asking the co-op organizer. WELL, the organizer got her knickers in a twist over it and said it was only for the families who had already been in the co-op, blah, blah, blah.

 

Two years later, the organizer comes begging me to sign DD up for the co-op because some of the original families had dropped out and now her daughter was the only girl left. I told her that I wasn't interested any more. If she hadn't been such a snobby witch about it in the first place, she wouldn't have been in the position to be scrambling for new members.

[regentrude]

I belong to a social group that is inclusive; we have standing weekly playdates for whoever wants to go, and people are free to bring friends.

We also run a coop, and you have to sign up for that. There is a limit to the class size, for obvious reasons.

 

Coops work only if the people who do them have similar academic expectations. I will never join a coop anymore, and I would most certainly not join a drop-in coop, because the chances of this meeting my children's academic needs are extremely slim.

[Ellie]

I get it. Around here they're often called open groups or closed groups. Open groups have no criteria for joining, no statements of faith, etc. Closed groups have criteria.

 

I've only been to a couple of co-ops and they would've been better if they had been more exclusive or had interviewed the mothers. Not because of differing beliefs, but because of differing expectations.

 

I'm not making this up, I went to one where every week we met there was a book discussion, craft, game, and snack related to the books (American Girl.) Several people attended who didn't bother to have their children read the books-they said they were just there for the socialization. Some didn't show up to the planning session to help with the planning or to volunteer for any responsibilities but weren't shy about complaining about things that didn't suit them. Some didn't supervise their children who were too young to participate and it caused disruptions. It was all take, no give on their part. Co-ops are supposed to be about everyone sharing the load.

 

We also had people who had no respect for other people's time. They'd walk in during the middle of the book discussion or other craft activity and expect the person leading it to stop and start over from the beginning so their child could catch up while the other 30+ kids sat and waited for them. Then some would want to stay and chatter away for over an HOUR after it was over and the hostess would have to push them out the door because she had to go.

 

Another mom who had been too long in ps culture left the planning session early (which wasn't a big deal) but then was outraged when the woman hosting didn't contact her later with all the details of the planning. She couldn't accept that it was HER responsibility to contact the hostess for details.

 

Another co-op one was socialization oriented but the hostess was so self centered it wasn't worth it. She picked the park day and time and a couple dozen families started meeting there for many months. Then her daughter made the ps softball team which conflicted with the park times so instead of bowing out during softball season, she decided to change the day and time to suit her own schedule. This would've been fine if it had been at her house, but it was at a park and she expected everyone to switch to her schedule. You'll all be shocked to know it didn't work out for many of them and the group dwindled.

 

Later, that same woman hosted an event at her house and told everyone to bring snacks. No specifications about which kind of snacks were made. When everyone showed up she wouldn't allow anything that wasn't organic to be put out on the snack table. Got that? She didn't say her kinds shouldn't eat non-organic food, no one was allowed to eat non-organic food in her house-even the guests that brought the non-organic food.

 

Co-ops can be well worth the effort, but there are legitimate reasons for screening for people with similar expectations.

 

1. Will the time be strictly adhered to or is it more flexible? Will late comers be expected to slip in and catch up on their own? Will everything stop while late comers are helped by those leading? Say so up front and make sure everyone knows which it is.

 

2. Co-ops are about sharing the load. Exactly what is expected of each parent who signs up? What if that parent doesn't follow through? Is there a back up plan? I once filled in for a mom on 2 hours notice because her child broke his arm and had to go to the hospital the day she was supposed to lead the book discussion and activity.

 

3. What about wee ones? Who is responsible for siblings who are too young to participate?

 

4. What's the focus of this co-op? Social? Academic? Extra-curricular? Is a particular world view going to be maintained in the assignments and discussions? Will a wide range of world views be represented? Say so up front.

 

5. What about the planning? Will everything be decided before the first session? Will it be plan as you go? Who decides? How will the decisions be communicated?

 

6. How will disruptive and uncooperative children be dealt with? If it's academic and a child isn't doing the assignments, how will you handle it?

 

7. Is there a dress code? Some people have very specific ideas about what a girl should be wearing at teen groups. I heard of a group that had to have a written policy because some people in that group didn't want their teens at a group with girls swimming in bikinis and wearing short skirts with bare midriffs the rest of the time.

 

8. If you're going to be the hostess of a co-op ask yourself these questions: Am I fairly organized? Am I good at communicating? Am I good at follow through? Am I willing to handle problems that arise in a decisive way? Do I have thick enough skin to do what's necessary and recover from the inevitable difficult situation with another parent?

 

There is a difference between a "co-op" and a "support group."

 

A group that is social in nature is a support group. If it's academic (including "extra-curriculars") which involve groups of children being taught, it's a co-op. :-)

 

Some co-ops also add social, support-group type activities. Some support groups add co-ops.

[Slartibartfast]

I have never heard of an inclusive group with an interview process. I don't know what I would think of it.

[HS Mom in NC]

 

There is a difference between a "co-op" and a "support group."

 

A group that is social in nature is a support group. If it's academic (including "extra-curriculars") which involve groups of children being taught, it's a co-op. :-)

 

Some co-ops also add social, support-group type activities. Some support groups add co-ops.

 

Not necessarily. When there's work to be divided among people it's a co-operative. When people take turns to plan food, activities, choose or host a location, schedule with outside entities etc. it can be called a co-op even if it's geared to socializing and there's coordinating and supervising as opposed to instruction. Besides, no one owns the word co-op and after decades of homeschoolers evolving, people can create different version of co-ops and still use the name.

[Ellie]

 

Not necessarily. When there's work to be divided among people it's a co-operative. When people take turns to plan food, activities, choose or host a location, schedule with outside entities etc. it can be called a co-op even if it's geared to socializing and there's coordinating and supervising as opposed to instruction. Besides, no one owns the word co-op and after decades of homeschoolers evolving, people can create different version of co-ops and still use the name.

 

 

Sure, y'all can use the word to mean anything you want. It just makes things less confusing for those of us who are less current with trends.

 

A co-op and a support group are different. :-)

[Jennifer3141]

I think I've done it all at this point.

 

We do belong to a couple of playgroups that meet almost exclusively to run around parks but we also have done things like co-op science classes that were closed to people who weren't pre-registered. I have areally good friend and although I like her kids, they are both pretty awful in a class-like setting. Pre-registering seems to to cut down on moms who plan on just dropping and drumping so that others who take that particular activity seriously can do so.

 

There's a place for both, IMO.

[texasmama]

Do you belong to groups like this where you aren't allowed to invite anyone else, ever? How does it work? Is being that exclusive worth it? In what way?

We belong to an academic co op (not a support group) which is exclusive, has an interview process to get in and does not accept everyone who applies.

 

Yes, it is worthwhile to be exclusive because academics are the focus and not every child/parent is a fit for the model of this co op. Parents are expected to be pretty involved. I will be teaching a class next year, though I have not always done so. I also serve on the "Advisory Board", which is a fancy term for the fact that the leader calls me in for my mediation skills and boundary setting when problems arise with parents/kids in the co op. Keeping the co op small and limited to the people who are a good fit for it helps keep disruption and drama to a minimum, which is very nice. I've only been called to a meeting once in the two years I have served on this board so that record speaks for itself. Things usually go well because a lot of effort goes into managing issues on the front end when it is simpler.

 

Sometimes, a mom who is involved with this co op will have support meetings at her house. Anyone is welcome to attend those, but if you want to attend the co op classes or the co op field trips, you must be enrolled as a member. It helps to have a current member vouch for you, which is how we found the co op.

[texasmama]

Most groups around me have statement of faith. I help lead a group that was started on Christian beliefs but the current group is a variety of people and I love that about it. The co-op thing I get somewhat. Extremely religious people don't want the atheist teaching science. Or vice versa. But the opportunity for groups to just hang out and do fun things with is almost nill. Which is why I like my group. No judgements. But we are also small. Many won't join b/c the site says nondenomination Christian. So it's not religious enough or too religious. It's so weird how few of us are in the middle.

I'll hang out in the middle with you. :) Our co op has the word "Christian" in the name but no statement of faith is required. It's a pretty diverse group.

[LucyStoner]

:iagree:

 

I had a very bad, terrible, long-term-suffering experience with people who thought they needed to be the Holy Spirit in people's lives by requiring support group members to sign a statement of faith, be interviewed by two board members, and not let their dc play with Ninja turtles. Seriously. :glare:

 

My sons don't have any Ninja Turtles but they would be getting some after that interview.

[unfrumpable.]

 

 

Hmm. That gives me some good questions to ask, then. They seem to do a lot of different things.

 

Around here, we call everything playgroup because that's what they are. The kids just play at the park or in the woods. It's wonderful.

 

Maybe that's more of what I'm looking for, rather than structured activities. Hmm. I'll have to think about it.

 

 

I think you would like our group. It's inclusive, anyone is welcome. We meet every Thursday for play time, a parent lead class (elective type, not the 3 R's), or a field trip. If you want to come every Thursday, great! If you want to come one Thursday every 3 months, that's great too. We have about five families that come fairly regularly and others who just drop in when they want to. I cannot say how much I love this group and am so happy I found them!

 

I also belong to a larger group that is much more structured and probably has around 100 or so families. They have a couple of park days a week plus field trips. They send out Punchbowl invitation for the field trips and many are limited in size. They have a full board of directors, run a regular coop, have separate teen and preschool activities (though the preschool ones are normally open to everyone), science fair, art fair, etc. I belong to this group mostly for the field trips and am not friends with anyone in the group except the ones that crossover into my other group. It is not an exclusive group, but there is a fee to join.

[G5052]

Coops work only if the people who do them have similar academic expectations. I will never join a coop anymore, and I would most certainly not join a drop-in coop, because the chances of this meeting my children's academic needs are extremely slim.

 

That's my conclusion too. When you hit high school, the stakes are too high for me to take chances, and we're pretty booked with extra-curriculars and social things already.

 

One of mine is going to invitation-only paid classes for a few subjects, and the other does a few online classes with providers we've used before. There's something nice about knowing what you're getting for the time and money.

 

I actually remembering hearing Jessie Wise speak some years ago about co-ops, and she came to the conclusion that they weren't going to work for them.

[Ellie]

 

My sons don't have any Ninja Turtles but they would be getting some after that interview.

 

:cheers2:

[unsinkable]

 

 

Sure, y'all can use the word to mean anything you want. It just makes things less confusing for those of us who are less current with trends.

 

A co-op and a support group are different. :-)

 

Mostly vegan

[Momof3littles]

I haven't participated in any co-ops, but I have a friend who organizes them each year for her children, and she swears by keeping them private, invite-only. For instance, If she's offering to organize a science co-op that meets in her basement, she'll hand select and invite a few select families whose homeschooling styles and philosophies mesh well with her own. In the past, when she'd opened it up to the local homeschooling community at large, it became a problem when families had different expectations regarding assignments and workload, children with behavioral problems, very structured families butting heads with the more free-flowing unschoolers, etc. If I were to ever do a co-op I think it would actually make sense to be more selective so that you have a cohesive group who are all on the same page with regards to academic and behavioral expectations.

 

Agree. We are part of a very small co-op with a long time friend and a few other people we've invited through the years. We need to keep it small. We tend to choose people that have similar styles overall. We formed it because our kids are long time friends, we just kind of understand each other, our kids tend to be similar academically, which allows us to do some really rigorous and challenging work because these particular kids thrive on that. Ours is just 3-4 families in general, and that small size works well for us. Our group has nothing to do with religion (members vary widely in their beliefs-some religious, some atheist, etc.).

 

Each parent teaches some of the courses we offer. We take turns watching littles, teaching, cleaning up. We like that we kind of know what to expect from one another. The parents aren't flakes, they take their teaching roles seriously, but we all still have fun even though most of our classes are pretty rigorous. Opening it up to a wider group would make that tougher to manage, I think. I really am not all that interested in joining any of the larger co-ops, because for us, I feel it wouldn't be a good fit. Our small co-op pretty much gives us exactly what I'm looking for.

[Ellie]

Agree. We are part of a very small co-op with a long time friend and a few other people we've invited through the years. We need to keep it small. We tend to choose people that have similar styles overall. We formed it because our kids are long time friends, we just kind of understand each other, our kids tend to be similar academically, which allows us to do some really rigorous and challenging work because these particular kids thrive on that. Ours is just 3-4 families in general, and that small size works well for us. Our group has nothing to do with religion (members vary widely in their beliefs-some religious, some atheist, etc.).

 

Each parent teaches some of the courses we offer. We take turns watching littles, teaching, cleaning up. We like that we kind of know what to expect from one another. The parents aren't flakes, they take their teaching roles seriously, but we all still have fun even though most of our classes are pretty rigorous. Opening it up to a wider group would make that tougher to manage, I think. I really am not all that interested in joining any of the larger co-ops, because for us, I feel it wouldn't be a good fit. Our small co-op pretty much gives us exactly what I'm looking for.

 

 

You have a true co-op. :-)