Am I crazy/mean/brilliant?

[UncleEJ]

I am contemplating getting rid of like 75% of my kids toys.....

 

They are nearly 6,4, and 2. Older two are boys and the baby is a girl.

 

I really have tried hard to not get them to many toys but somehow we are being over run. I'm thinking of getting rid of everything except lego, train tracks, cars and trucks, play kitchen stuff and baby dolls. Plus maybe one smallish bin for each DS of whatever things they want to keep not included above...

 

I am sick of cleaning up massive amounts of toys. I'm sick of fighting over silly toys. I'm sick of them not caring about their things. I don't want my kids growing up thinking that everything is replaceable and that they are entitled to anything they want.

 

I know that just getting rid of everything will not solve all my problems, but its a start. Right?

[AK_Mom4]

I don't think that it's mean. Possibly a crazy amount of work to get it done but not crazy overall.

 

I think kids are happier with a few well-made toys that get played with on a regular basis. Creative toys like trucks, trains, Legos, and kitchens were the go-to toys always for my kids when they were little, along with jumpropes, balls, and sticks.

 

Go ahead!

[unsinkable]

I don't think it's mean, per se.

 

It depends on how you go about it. If you do it rantin and ravin in front of the kids with a big black Hefty bag, yeah that's mean.

 

If you quietly cull the crappy, broken, seldom played with toys, that's nice, not mean.

[ChristusG]

I am SO with you. My girls are 8, 6, and 1. The 1 year olds toys are not so bad. But the 8 and 6 year olds? Oh. My. Word. We have family that inundates them! Actually my girls are very good about purging the toys. However, they still have trouble keeping the playroom clean. That tells me that they still have too many.

[Kertie]

I've culled toys multiple times, in just about every way possible. I have one child that wants to save EVERYTHING (could be used in an art project, you know...or repurposed as a 'decoration' on the ceiling), so this last time I just systematically went through and sorted. I didn't get rid of anything they loved, but I did get rid of lots of stuff they "loved" but didn't miss;). We have a bin for Legos (um...and multiple sectioned storage boxes), trains, cars, blocks, Playmobil, and dolls. We have a huge dollhouse, a DIY Lego table, and a "car rug." I just saved the stuff that got played with and would be played with by my kids or their cousins for years to come. Now if I could just get gift-givers to say in those categories;).

 

It's not magic. Legos are worse than the proverbial bunny--despite my Thou Shalt Not attitude towards them leaving the playroom, it's like they sneak about in the night to lay in wait for adult feet. But it is more manageable and a lot easier for the kids to pick up--it's less overwhelming to only have to pick up cars, rather than general mayhem.

 

Philosophically, I still think the kids have a ridiculous amount of stuff. But, at least it's good, quality stuff that has educational value and longevity going for it!

[msjones]

You're smart to start cutting back now, because it will get worse. Your kids are still at the toy ages and will be for some time.

 

I have almost no storage space. My rule was/is that everything had to fit easily on a shelf or in a drawer. No stacking, no stuffing, no overflowing bins or drawers that won't shut. No books crammed into teensy spaces.

 

I did give each child a 'treasure box' for things he really wanted to keep. The boxes have lids and the lids must close.

 

My boys got used to the idea that we couldn't keep things that didn't fit in our small space. They knew that if something new came, something old probably had to go.

 

It worked. So, no, you're not mean. You're smart. Just be nice about it.

[UncleEJ]

I don't think it's mean, per se.

 

It depends on how you go about it. If you do it rantin and ravin in front of the kids with a big black Hefty bag, yeah that's mean.

 

If you quietly cull the crappy, broken, seldom played with toys, that's nice, not mean.

 

 

Lol! I was actually thinking of taking them to the sitter for a day, of course talk to ODS about it before hand and let him pick his treasures.

 

 

I dunno. I don't think it's mean, but I think it's a waste of money. You bought these toys, why not let your kids play with them. My house has toys cluttered around. I have various buckets that I can just throw stuff in all around the house and then it goes back downstairs when they are full. My oldest is 11 now and he doesn't play with toys anymore. Meaning this season in your life passes. Soon they won't play with those sorts of toys.

 

There is nothing wrong with getting rid of stuff they never play with, but I do think there are other ways to deal with it and again, it won't be like that forever.

 

 

I hear you about it being a waste of money. That is a bummer and I realize I need to be much more intentional with toy buying. It's my fault, not theirs. I guess the bigger problem is their (especially my ODS) lack of respect for their stuff. They don't seem to care if something breaks and do not take pride in their things. I know they are little still but I feel like this is the first step in making some aditude changes about their belongings.

[WishboneDawn]

 

I am sick of cleaning up massive amounts of toys. I'm sick of fighting over silly toys. I'm sick of them not caring about their things. I don't want my kids growing up thinking that everything is replaceable and that they are entitled to anything they want.

 

 

My kids don't think that way and they generally had a lot of toys.

 

I don't think it's the act of having less toys that helps them learn values regarding material things. It can be having them over the years but slowly learning what's important, what they can toss or donate, what they don't need to buy, what they regret buying/asking for, etc. It's a lot of discussion. Get rid of it if it's creating a lot of issues but there's nothing inherently virtuous about having less. It is, as with everything, about how you raise them.

 

Kids need some control over their things if they're going to learn how to deal with them so I likely wouldn't be going in and tossing what theirs. I might sit down the older ones and ask what toys they might like to donate or what toys they don't play with as much that they might be willing to box up for a little while. If toys are being fought over, broken or left out then I'd definitely start confiscating those and explain that they had to be earned back and effort had to be put into sharing them/repairing them/putting them away.

 

There's no magic fix and only lots of hard work is going to solve the issues you're talking about, not getting rid of most of the toys.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I'm doing this now.

 

Well, right this second I'm fixing my kitchen and going through dd's clothes.

 

I'm doing a room or two a day. I have a friend with a pick up truck I can use to make runs to the Salvation Army.

 

 

[Luanne]

I don't blame you for wanting to declutter, but it sounds to me like the problem isn't too many toys, but not knowing how to keep your children from fighting all the time. Maybe I shouldn't say this, but it sounds more like a discipline problem than anything else.

[Lisa in SC]

We literally have almost no toys, but my youngest is always playing. Before I go on, I want to acknowledge that my youngest is the only one who is still at an age where "toys" would be an issue. However, it has almost always been this way with all of our children.

 

Ds has matchbox and hot wheels cars, 2 or 3 Tonka trucks, a Fisher Price camper and a Fisher Price castle (circa 1970 something - belonged to me), and a camouflage Build-a-Bear that he sleeps with. Aside from arts and crafts supplies, that's it for inside toys, and it's more than adequate for his needs. Oops, I forgot that his half of his bedroom is overtaken by the enormous fort we made him for Christmas.

 

For outside, he has a bike, a scooter (boy powered), roller skates, sidewalk chalk, a shovel, a few hand tools, scrap wood, a flashlight, and toy night vision goggles for after dark hide & seek, camping, etc. We do have a betta fish, a freshwater aquarium, two hamsters, and two anoles, which aren't toys, but do entertain.

 

Looking at what I typed, it still looks like a lot to me. He's always engaged in something, so he doesn't appear to be lacking anything. I think paring down is a great idea. :)

[J-rap]

I haven't read all of your posts, but can you sell them at a garage sale? When my kids were a little older than yours, I'd let them gather all their own toys that they didn't play with much anymore, sell it themselves at the garage sale, and keep the money.

 

I know there are other issues too, but I'm only addressing this one. :)

[Catwoman]

I am contemplating getting rid of like 75% of my kids toys.....

 

They are nearly 6,4, and 2. Older two are boys and the baby is a girl.

 

I really have tried hard to not get them to many toys but somehow we are being over run. I'm thinking of getting rid of everything except lego, train tracks, cars and trucks, play kitchen stuff and baby dolls. Plus maybe one smallish bin for each DS of whatever things they want to keep not included above...

 

I am sick of cleaning up massive amounts of toys. I'm sick of fighting over silly toys. I'm sick of them not caring about their things. I don't want my kids growing up thinking that everything is replaceable and that they are entitled to anything they want.

 

I know that just getting rid of everything will not solve all my problems, but its a start. Right?

 

 

OK, I'll be the lone dissenter.

 

I think it's mean.

 

Very mean.

 

Your kids are still so little! Why would you think that having a lot of toys as a little kid will make them think "they are entitled to anything they want?" That attitude has NOTHING to do with the amount of stuff they have, and EVERYTHING to do with your attitude and behavior toward possessions.

 

I don't want to sound harsh, but it seems like you're mostly upset at having to clean up the toys and mediate your kids' arguments, and are looking for a good excuse to pitch your kids' possessions.

 

Your kids are fighting over toys now. If you get rid of the toys, they'll be fighting over a stick in the back yard. This is a behavior thing, not a "too many toys" thing.

 

Obviously, if there's broken stuff or things that no one will ever play with again, that's a different story, but to just start pitching toys they like in the trash or a donation box seems mean.

[freeindeed]

I think paring down toys is a good idea.

[freeindeed]

*double post*

[Luanne]

I think one of the reasons I have an issue with this and this has nothing to do with the OP. I knew a family ... the father is a pastor of a mega church and they made their children get rid of all their toys when the youngest was only 6. The other two were 8 and 10 at the time. They thought they were adults and didn't need toys anymore. They also made their children's rooms look like adult rooms. I always felt bad for these CHILDREN since they were not allowed to be children anymore at a very young age. I know the OP doesn't intend to do that to her children, but anytime someone mentions wanting to get rid of their children's toys when their children are very young, this situation comes to mind.

[Luanne]

Sorry, double post.

[justamouse]

OK, I'll be the lone dissenter.

 

I think it's mean.

 

Very mean.

 

Your kids are still so little! Why would you think that having a lot of toys as a little kid will make them think "they are entitled to anything they want?" That attitude has NOTHING to do with the amount of stuff they have, and EVERYTHING to do with your attitude and behavior toward possessions.

 

I don't want to sound harsh, but it seems like you're mostly upset at having to clean up the toys and mediate your kids' arguments, and are looking for a good excuse to pitch your kids' possessions.

 

Your kids are fighting over toys now. If you get rid of the toys, they'll be fighting over a stick in the back yard. This is a behavior thing, not a "too many toys" thing.

 

Obviously, if there's broken stuff or things that no one will ever play with again, that's a different story, but to just start pitching toys they like in the trash or a donation box seems mean.

:iagree:

 

First, get rid of the broken stuff.

 

Secondly, Cat is right, they WILL fight over a stick in the yard because that's the stage they're in. So, you can stack the battlefield to your advantage, but you're still going to have to get in there and train them to not fight over toys, to work through their stages that they're in, to clean up while you teach them the habit of cleaning up after themselves (which they all should be doing now, even the toddler.)

 

Lastly, one day they will be older and there will be no toys to clean up. Because they will grow up and move onto other things. So don't stress too much over a temporary situation.

 

That said, we're simple with the amt of toys we have because we have so many kids. We didn't have that many, and what we did have were old types of toys. BUT, my kids still fought over them until we worked through that stage.

[NorthwestMom]

I think having reasonably organized toys can help reduce conflict. It's all how you approach it, right?

 

I will say that I have a dear friend who did a nuclear toy clean-out when her kids were around your kids' ages. She talked to the kids and she felt that they were all on board. She kept about 25% of the total she started with. At first the kids were all right, but after a few days they started asking for their old toys back and crying about it, and her 5yo started stealing toys from the neighbor kids' houses. It was painful for him. It was just too drastic for those kids! So, I'd start small. Good luck!

[Joker]

When we felt our dds had too many toys, we stored some in the garage and would rotate the toys. Dds each filled a bin with stuff they didn't think they played with much or could do without for a few months. It made them enjoy what they had in their rooms even more and they would get so excited when we switched them out. We never really had a problem with fighting over toys but they did have trouble keeping their rooms clean. Now, my 13 has no toys and my 10 yr old has been voluntarily getting rid of things. So, your problem will too many toys will eventually fix itself, but you have to work on their attitudes regardless of what you do with the toys.

[KungFuPanda]

I dunno? Would you like if someone trashed 50% of your things without your approval? It seems like the kids are being punished for a situation that adults caused.

 

Your kids are babies. These years will zip by and before you know it they won't even WANT toys anymore. Do you REALLY want them talking about 'the time you threw away their toys' when their in their 30s? They will you know.

[T'smom]

I dunno? Would you like if someone trashed 50% of your things without your approval? It seems like the kids are being punished for a situation that adults caused.

 

Your kids are babies. These years will zip by and before you know it they won't even WANT toys anymore. Do you REALLY want them talking about 'the time you threw away their toys' when their in their 30s? They will you know.

 

 

Oh, they sooooo will. When I was a teenager I went to the library book sale with some friends and we're browsing and I said "oh, look, I used to have this book." Then it happened again. And again. And I realized.....those were MY books! My mom donated them without my knowledge. I bought as many of them back as I could find. I was pissed. And I do bring it up sometimes.

[AMJ]

Something we noticed years ago with elder DD is the less stuff in her room, the better. DH got fed up when she was younger with some destructive behavior she had at the time -- would pick apart anything, including books (NOT a good thing to do in this house). She was in 1st grade, I think. Anyway, he went into her room and took out EVERYTHING except her bed, dresser, and clothes. She was told she could earn stuff back by showing she could play with things without taking them apart.

 

After the upset that day was over the change was like night and day. She slept better. She was less stressed and paid better attention in school and at home. So much changed, and it all seemed tied in to the condition of her room.

 

Some stuff has since crept back into her room, even though we moved her to the smallest bedroom so we could use the largest (which was previously hers) as a guest bedroom when my Dad visits. And we've had room purges again over time, though none as dramatic (or stressful) as that first. Each time I notice the same thing happening: as clutter (visual and surface) builds she in general doesn't behave as well, and when the clutter is cleared her sleep, mood, behavior, etc. all improve. These subsequent room purges weren't punishments for bad behavior -- they were room tidies and preventative measures.

 

When we moved DD11 to the smaller bedroom we took the time to clean the carpets thoroughly before moving all of her furniture in. As things moved back in we limited what could go in, finding other homes in the house for her bookshelves. Her small room doesn't feel small, and she likes it a lot. DD8 was envious, and wanted to change rooms, too. We told her she couldn't change rooms, but on another weekend we would do a move-out-move-in on her room so she could have clean carpets and a fresh start on a tidy room, too. We did, and she loved it. Her mood and behavior improved, too, though not as dramatically.

 

We are still working on keeping things tidy, and we have too much stuff in general. I've found that moving stuff out of their rooms not only helped improve their quality of rest and their outlook on everything, it also gave me the chance to see which books and toys were actually getting used. Before then I couldn't get rid of outgrown stuff because they would see and rescue items. Now, I periodically cull through the stuff (easy since it's not in their rooms) and send stuff onward.

 

I've let some things slide as the school year has dragged on, but we will be taking some time in the early summer (before homeschool starts) to purge many areas of the house and get set for full-time homeschool. Part of what I'm working on now are all the boxes of stuff I took out to the garage this past winter to clear the spare room completely. DH says they have to be gone by the end of the school year, and I don't want them back in the house, so I need to purge those, and purge file space and shelf space in the house.

 

Aaaand, there it went -- my brain couldn't keep it clean. The phrase "house enema" just popped into my head.

 

On that note I'll stop writing.

[UncleEJ]

Thank you all for your insight! There are definitely two sides to this problem. I agree with many of the posters that what I am describing is, at least partially, a discipline issue. I get that my DH and I caused this issue in more ways then one.

 

After pondering all the wonderful replies, this is kind of what I am thinking.

1. When I think about it, 75% is probably way to drastic. It would probably be way less than this.

2. I DO NOT want them to not have any toys. Just simplify and eliminate excess, broken, unused and out grown.

3. I would not ever get rid of something that any of them were attached to. Just things they wouldn't miss. Which is quite a bit.

4. A lot of the stuff that would be purged is baby toys. DD is our last baby so it is time to move that stuff on to someone else.

5. Organization is a big issue here. They have a playroom and the main storage situation is a rack that holds different sized bins. Everything is just tossed in willy nilly. And then they dump them out every where. We have ample closet space and I was thinking getting Rubbermaid bins for different types of toys. Cars and trucks in one, dinosaurs in another, ect. Have all the bins live in the closet and they have to ask to get them down, only one down at a time and clean up one before a new one comes down. We already have some toy like this but I think that we have to much out right now. Less toys instantly accessable, less toys to get strung out everywhere.

6. My gut is telling me that yes, I need to go through and purge some things out, but the bigger issue is organization and additude adjustments for both the kids and I.

7. How do I teach them to be respectful of their stuff??? I am lost on how to work on that end of it.

 

[Luanne]

I'd forgotten about that ... something someone said made me remember. When I was young I had a Fisher Price house. I loved that thing. One day when I was at school my mother gave it away without even asking me. Now I was older than your children are and didn't play with it anymore, but I still loved that house and thought she at least should have asked me before getting rid of it. Just something to think about.

[AMJ]

I dunno. I don't think it's mean, but I think it's a waste of money. You bought these toys, why not let your kids play with them. My house has toys cluttered around. I have various buckets that I can just throw stuff in all around the house and then it goes back downstairs when they are full. My oldest is 11 now and he doesn't play with toys anymore. Meaning this season in your life passes. Soon they won't play with those sorts of toys.

 

There is nothing wrong with getting rid of stuff they never play with, but I do think there are other ways to deal with it and again, it won't be like that forever.

 

I've found that, what with doting grandparents and all, part of our problem was the fact that my kids end up with too many toys that NEVER get played with. During a purge in preparation for this past Christmas we found stuff from the previous Christmas that was still in the packaging. That happens to be a waste of money, too. We mentioned finding some of this stuff in passing when DH's parents were pushing for longer "wish lists" for their grandkids. They got the message (in the spirit in which it was intended) and didn't buy so many things this past Christmas. And as a result opening presents didn't take as long, kids could play with their presents sooner, and everyone enjoyed it more.

 

I've found that my kids have certain go-to stuff they always want around, certain things they play with when unearthed (from the cluttered surroundings), and more stuff they will play with if I suggest we get rid of it, but don't miss it once it's gone (even when they know it was being given away).

[Catwoman]

Thank you all for your insight! There are definitely two sides to this problem. I agree with many of the posters that what I am describing is, at least partially, a discipline issue. I get that my DH and I caused this issue in more ways then one.

 

After pondering all the wonderful replies, this is kind of what I am thinking.

1. When I think about it, 75% is probably way to drastic. It would probably be way less than this.

2. I DO NOT want them to not have any toys. Just simplify and eliminate excess, broken, unused and out grown.

3. I would not ever get rid of something that any of them were attached to. Just things they wouldn't miss. Which is quite a bit.

4. A lot of the stuff that would be purged is baby toys. DD is our last baby so it is time to move that stuff on to someone else.

5. Organization is a big issue here. They have a playroom and the main storage situation is a rack that holds different sized bins. Everything is just tossed in willy nilly. And then they dump them out every where. We have ample closet space and I was thinking getting Rubbermaid bins for different types of toys. Cars and trucks in one, dinosaurs in another, ect. Have all the bins live in the closet and they have to ask to get them down, only one down at a time and clean up one before a new one comes down. We already have some toy like this but I think that we have to much out right now. Less toys instantly accessable, less toys to get strung out everywhere.

6. My gut is telling me that yes, I need to go through and purge some things out, but the bigger issue is organization and additude adjustments for both the kids and I.

7. How do I teach them to be respectful of their stuff??? I am lost on how to work on that end of it.

 

Your "revised plan" sounds a lot better than what you were saying in your original post! :)

 

I could feel your frustration in your OP, though, and whenever we're down to our very last nerve about something, it's easy to start having somewhat extreme thoughts at how to remedy a problem. I'm sure most of us have been there, and hopefully, someone has been there to talk us down a bit, so we don't do anything rash (like getting rid of 75% of our kids' toys! ;)) All of your kids are little, and that can lead to a lot of Mom Stress, so I don't blame you for sometimes being ready to throw in the towel and just start pitching stuff out!

 

One thing, though -- before you get rid of things, you may want to store them in bins or bags for a while, to see if your kids miss any of the stuff before it leaves your home for good. Sometimes kids have an attachment to things that they don't play with any more, or that they have outgrown, and I think it's kind of cool to keep stuff like that for sentimental reasons. (Obviously, I'm not talking about kids who want to keep every single item they have ever owned, though! ;))

[poiema]

I haven't read through all the responses yet, so ignore me if this has already been suggested. First, get rid of any toys with broken or missing pieces. Second, donate any toys they no longer play with. Third, get storage bins with lids that can be stacked. Organize toys by kind in bins (cars & trucks, play kitchen, etc). Have kids "check out" bins when they have cleaned up and returned previous bins. Easy peasy. That's what we do. There are some toys that don't fit in storage bins so that stuff just needs to be tidied up before they can check out anything else. The great thing about it (in addition to not having all the toys spread out all over the floor at once) is that toys stay new longer (newness to the child as well as condition). Oh, and I confiscate any toy that doesn't get cleaned up or that is causing behavioral problems (like fighting).

[UncleEJ]

 

 

Your "revised plan" sounds a lot better than what you were saying in your original post! :)

 

I could feel your frustration in your OP, though, and whenever we're down to our very last nerve about something, it's easy to start having somewhat extreme thoughts at how to remedy a problem. I'm sure most of us have been there, and hopefully, someone has been there to talk us down a bit, so we don't do anything rash (like getting rid of 75% of our kids' toys! ;)) All of your kids are little, and that can lead to a lot of Mom Stress, so I don't blame you for sometimes being ready to throw in the towel and just start pitching stuff out!

 

One thing, though -- before you get rid of things, you may want to store them in bins or bags for a while, to see if your kids miss any of the stuff before it leaves your home for good. Sometimes kids have an attachment to things that they don't play with any more, or that they have outgrown, and I think it's kind of cool to keep stuff like that for sentimental reasons. (Obviously, I'm not talking about kids who want to keep every single item they have ever owned, though! ;))

 

 

That is a great idea to put things up before I get rid of them to make sure there are issues. And yes I was frustrated! Thank you all so much for talking me down and not letting my scar my poor kiddos for life over some toys ;-)

[BarbecueMom]

What you are planning to pare down to is pretty much what we have. We don't have birthday parties or over-spoiling grandparents, so they already have a pretty minimal amount of toys.

 

That being said, if they don't fight over the toys, they'll find something else to fight about. Yesterday, DS4 and DS3 were bored and ended up in a pushing match because one kept saying no and the other kept saying yes. There never was a question involved, just the words no and yes.

 

I am always tripping over dirty laundry that they were using as "costumes", pillow-and-blanket forts, couch cushions piled into jumping pits, stuff from my kitchen that went missing (got them their own kitchen stuff, they swapped it for the good stuff when I wasn't looking). Books are everywhere, dirt is everywhere. We eat too much dessert because they beg to bake. We use too much water because they are obsessed with sinks and baths and garden hoses. There's some weird parts and straps to things that they were playing with earlier, no clue where it came from. I am constantly saying, "My phone charger is not a lasso, the kitchen chairs are not jungle gyms, the furniture needs to stay upright, the refrigerated food is not your personal play grocery, the foam mattress pad is not a sandy beach. And where the heck did you find a marker, a pile of washcloths, and a shredded rubber band???"

 

Paring down the toys might help at first, but it's likely the problem of small children being small children. Other than time and a hiding spot, I haven't found a solution.

 

As you can probably tell, I've had a rough day. :-)

[NorthwestMom]

 

One thing, though -- before you get rid of things, you may want to store them in bins or bags for a while, to see if your kids miss any of the stuff before it leaves your home for good. Sometimes kids have an attachment to things that they don't play with any more, or that they have outgrown, and I think it's kind of cool to keep stuff like that for sentimental reasons. (Obviously, I'm not talking about kids who want to keep every single item they have ever owned, though! ;))

 

 

I used to do this when my kids were younger. In my head I referred to it as "limbo" (lapsed Catholic :) ) I held things for 2-3 weeks out in the garage where they couldn't be seen, and if the kids asked for them in that time period I could pull them out. The kids RARELY asked for anything in limbo.

 

Today my kids are nearly 14, 11, and 8, and they are really good at decluttering. There is hope!

[genny]

I cut their toys in half. I boxed half and tucked them in the garage. I don't think it's mean. I kept their favourites, threw away the broken toys and packed the rarely played with toys. I find they can clean up their toys with no break downs now (it was just too overwhelming for them before with soooo much toy mess). I dd the same with their bookshelf...way too many books ending up all over the floor. I got rid of broken books and boxed the least favourites.

[UncleEJ]

What you are planning to pare down to is pretty much what we have. We don't have birthday parties or over-spoiling grandparents, so they already have a pretty minimal amount of toys.

 

That being said, if they don't fight over the toys, they'll find something else to fight about. Yesterday, DS4 and DS3 were bored and ended up in a pushing match because one kept saying no and the other kept saying yes. There never was a question involved, just the words no and yes.

 

I am always tripping over dirty laundry that they were using as "costumes", pillow-and-blanket forts, couch cushions piled into jumping pits, stuff from my kitchen that went missing (got them their own kitchen stuff, they swapped it for the good stuff when I wasn't looking). Books are everywhere, dirt is everywhere. We eat too much dessert because they beg to bake. We use too much water because they are obsessed with sinks and baths and garden hoses. There's some weird parts and straps to things that they were playing with earlier, no clue where it came from. I am constantly saying, "My phone charger is not a lasso, the kitchen chairs are not jungle gyms, the furniture needs to stay upright, the refrigerated food is not your personal play grocery, the foam mattress pad is not a sandy beach. And where the heck did you find a marker, a pile of washcloths, and a shredded rubber band???"

 

Paring down the toys might help at first, but it's likely the problem of small children being small children. Other than time and a hiding spot, I haven't found a solution.

 

As you can probably tell, I've had a rough day. :-)

 

Your post made me smile :-) My DS's fight like that too. I swear my three year old would say the sky is pink just to argue with his brother! Lol! And no matter what I do, I cannot convince the five year old to just ignore him. Ahh...little kids are so wonderfully exhausting :-)

[UncleEJ]

I cut their toys in half. I boxed half and tucked them in the garage. I don't think it's mean. I kept their favourites, threw away the broken toys and packed the rarely played with toys. I find they can clean up their toys with no break downs now (it was just too overwhelming for them before with soooo much toy mess). I dd the same with their bookshelf...way too many books ending up all over the floor. I got rid of broken books and boxed the least favourites.

 

 

I agree with them being overwhelmed by a big mess. When I ask them to clean up the playroom, they act like I've asked them to go collect fire ants naked. I know that it is normal at their ages to not be able to clean an entire room by themselves, so if I make it to where there is less to mess up, clean up will be less traumatic.. Maybe..

[WishboneDawn]

.

7. How do I teach them to be respectful of their stuff??? I am lost on how to work on that end of it.

 

They have to help repair broken toys.

 

You discuss the toys they don't use and talk about donating the to other children.

 

You confiscate toys they haven't put away ( explain the toys could hurt someone who stepped on them and even get broken) and they have to earn them back by proving they can keep some area clean.

 

None of this is overnight though. My 11 year old has just started keeping his room tidy and picked up.

[UncleEJ]

 

 

They have to help repair broken toys.

 

You discuss the toys they don't use and talk about donating the to other children.

 

You confiscate toys they haven't put away ( explain the toys could hurt someone who stepped on them and even get broken) and they have to earn them back by proving they can keep some area clean.

 

None of this is overnight though. My 11 year old has just started keeping his room tidy and picked up.

 

 

Thank you.

[kwickimom]

I did this and I am glad I did! Half the toys my kids didnt play with because there was just so much they forgot about some.

 

My kids now play more outside and more creatively. I love love love it.

 

I sold all the toys I got rid of, made money, and made everyone happy. My kids still don't know half the stuff is gone and I did this months ago. They havent said a single word about any of it :-)

[beaners]

I dunno? Would you like if someone trashed 50% of your things without your approval? It seems like the kids are being punished for a situation that adults caused.

 

Your kids are babies. These years will zip by and before you know it they won't even WANT toys anymore. Do you REALLY want them talking about 'the time you threw away their toys' when their in their 30s? They will you know.

 

It's tough when you have kids that are attached to every.single.thing they see. My 4 year old was distraught this morning because she saw two pairs of broken mini-blinds go out for trash. "You can't get rid of them! I love them!" Seriously. Blinds that have been broken into a million pieces are a treasured possession, and they weren't even from her room. It's just as bad when I pick up the broken plastic Easter eggs.

 

In my small house, we only have so much space. We have no garage. Our sheds are overflowing. I don't do it maliciously, but I need to get rid of things to maintain a safe home for my family.

[PrairieSong]

I would keep open-ended toys that they really do play with, plus other toys that they truly love. I got our kids to help me cull toys by talking about having so much that they didn't really play with it all. I emphasized that we could bless others by donating some of it. I did not want to upset them by taking complete control or by giving away their stuff when they weren't looking.

 

My youngest is 13, and last year had fun gathering up his Rescue Heroes that had been collecting dust and giving them to a family we know who has little boys. They were thrilled to get them.

[HomeschoolMamaOfTwo]

My kids and I will go through all the toys together and they'll tell me which ones they want to give away to other kids. They pick out a few things every time we do this, so far so good, they haven't asked for it back. Then, every once in a while if the room is overflowing with stuff, I'll say OK each person go get 5 things we can give to other kids and they will find some things. Sometimes it is very small stuff, sometimes it is big stuff, but they are in control of it.

 

Broken stuff goes whenever it breaks.

[SKL]

Not 75%, but I do sneak many toys out as soon as they seem to forget about them. My kids have so much stuff, they almost never notice something is gone. As they get older and their toys get smaller, it's great to reclaim some of the areas they had taken over. ... As for the mess, honestly, things were nicer when they were too young to clean up. Then I would clean up and put things where they actually belonged, as opposed to stuffing them in the nearest receptacle of theirs. And the kids could actually use their toys since all the pieces were together in one place. And dirty socks didn't get found months later mixed with the doll clothes and stray playing cards. LOL.

[SKL]

 

One thing, though -- before you get rid of things, you may want to store them in bins or bags for a while, to see if your kids miss any of the stuff before it leaves your home for good. Sometimes kids have an attachment to things that they don't play with any more, or that they have outgrown, and I think it's kind of cool to keep stuff like that for sentimental reasons. (Obviously, I'm not talking about kids who want to keep every single item they have ever owned, though! ;))

I have certain places where I stash things that they have outgrown but still want to have around. The item is "out of sight, out of mind" for a while so when I finally donate it, it's not upsetting.