Heather in Neverland Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 This is definitely me venting... 90% of the time I absolutely love living cross-culturally and everything that goes with it. I love learning about all the people I live around, the way they do life, the way they look at life, how we are different in so many ways and yet the same in so many others. But the other 10%???? AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Today was a 10% day. First, we went to our son's piano recital. I have been to LOTS of recitals over the years but this one was different. Why? Because in this culture, no one really sees a need to be quiet during performances of any kind. They talk to each other, loudly, answer the phone, make phone calls, get up and walk around, etc., all while the kids are trying to perform. It is the same thing at the school where I work. Plays, concerts, even graduation ceremony... It floors me. I couldn't even hear my ds play at all because everyone was so loud and, as the only non-Asian family there, no one was upset except us. I get that it is culturally acceptable to them and it is their country so I have to respect that. I just really wanted to hear him play. :( Second, I am so tired of being STARED at. It's not because we are expats. There are loads of them here. It is because we have a multi-cultural family and those are very uncommon here. And I am not talking sideways glances like we get in the states where people are curious but at least try to be discreet about their staring. No, this is gaping, gawking, pointing at us, going and getting their friends to come stare at us, etc. Tonight we went out to dinner and the family at the table next to us stared at us through our ENTIRE meal. It makes me not want to leave my house sometimes. I am tired of feeling like a zoo exhibit. My kids are sick of being pointed at constantly. Most days we deal with it but today was tough. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 Gladly a agree with you, a bad day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 to be at home many places, and no place.... :grouphug: mostly it is gift. sometimes, you just want to "go home", except you realize that you are home, and that home will have changed, anyway.... hoping for a better day today.... ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 I'm sorry! It helps to remember these things for when I am probably unwittingly bugging people from other countries here. ... When I was in India, the biggest problem I had was people trying to force me to eat non-stop. Enough already! LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 That would bug me too. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 I'm sorry, Heather. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 :grouphug: That's gotta be tough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 I'm sorry you were stared at, that would take me some time to get used to. But--correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you in a big kerfluffle a couple years ago on the boards here-you saw no problem letting your children play with hand held video games during a recital, even though people tried to explain how the light from it could annoy others? Maybe you can understand how they felt, now. And Heather, if you're not the one I'm thinking of, then I apologize. Gosh, I have no idea. Maybe. I've written thousands of things over the years. The fact that you would remember something I wrote a several years ago is flattering. I don't really remember what I said but if I had to answer it today I would say I'd much rather my child sit quietly with a small, handheld game emitting a small bit of light than what happened today and at every public performance I am at here where children run up and down the aisles laughing and playing tag during the performance and adults have no problem talking, laughing and causing so much noise you can't hear the performers. One performer actually tripped over the children wrestling in the aisle. I would have been thrilled with an audience full of quiet children on hand-held devices. The two hardly compare. And in case you didn't notice, this is clearly a JAWM thread. If you don't care to be sympathetic then don't be. But JAWM was stated from the beginning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 I'm sorry! It helps to remember these things for when I am probably unwittingly bugging people from other countries here. ... When I was in India, the biggest problem I had was people trying to force me to eat non-stop. Enough already! LOL. That is so true!! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 The parents at my girls' school will not/ cannot shut up during school performances. I find it so offensive! The school is mostly african, not asian, so I guess there are at least two cultures that see no point in letting the poor kids on stage concentrate. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sisyphus Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 Having lived in Asia, I can soooooo relate. Especially the "zoo animal" feeling! Sometimes we got amazing privileges as the lone white people- people would give us food to try, or show us extra areas of things, or go out of their way to help us. Sometimes we were completely blocked from an activity, simply because we were not Asian (I speak the language, by the way, but am white). We just never could tell which way it would go, and it does get old and you want to just be a regular old person after a while! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 Sorry, I tried to be sympathetic with a small reminder. It's not personal, so there's no need to be snippy. I remember it because I think it turned into quite a popular thread. Perhaps it was a popular thread. I've been embroiled in a few of them from time to time. But really, I don't need a reminder right now. I am too sad that I completely missed hearing my ds perform. Completely. I took video of it and the only thing you can hear is the audience noise. My ds was scared to death to give his first recital. He finally got up enough nerve to go through with it and this happens. So no, I don't think the two compare and bringing it up to me as if I somehow deserve this for my past opinion is bad timing. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow and we can debate it further but for now I'll stick with the JAWM tag. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 Heather, could you have your ds give just your family a private recital that you can tape? I know it won't be the same but perhaps it might lessen some of the regret and frustration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 My sister was in the Peace Corp in Bangladesh. "Do not stare" is a very American thing. So is "do not touch strangers" but that is a different story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 Maybe you should get a mega phone and tell them all to be quiet! :) I think my dh was afraid I was going to stand up and yell at everyone to be quiet. I admit I was awfully tempted.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 Is there any way you could change the way plays/concerts at your school are held? That would drive me NUTS! I didn't go to something the other day at the college as they were taping it. I had one of those tickly coughs and I didn't want to wreck the tape. :grouphug: I have been slowly making changes at least in the elementary division which I am in charge of. But it has taken me a bit. I actually call it "the audience participation" portion of the show where I make everyone take out their cellphones and turn them off. I tell them all children have to actually sit in a seat. They can't run in the aisles or run in and out of the auditorium 30 times. And so on. I am pretty sure they thought I was crazy the first time but now they go along with it. I can't get the whole culture to change but I can at least change what happens in the elementary plays. Now if we could just get the parents of high schoolers to stop talking during graduation.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 The parents at my girls' school will not/ cannot shut up during school performances. I find it so offensive! The school is mostly african, not asian, so I guess there are at least two cultures that see no point in letting the poor kids on stage concentrate. :glare: Maybe they figure it is less nerve-wracking for the performers if the focus isn't solely on them? :blush: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 I'm sorry, Heather. I lived in São Paulo, Brasil for 2 years and there were some things that bugged me, too. It became a joke, finally, when people would plan an event... does it start at 7:00 American time, or 7:00 Brazilian time. If it was American time, then the event started at 7:00. If it was Brazilian time, then you just show up whenever you want to, generally about 8:00 or after. That was just the culture. Took some getting used to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 I saw your blog at one point, and you have a beautiful family! Sorry people are staring, that would bug me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 I understand. I'm so sorry. I hate it when I speak English in public and the 12 year old boys in front of me stop, turn, and gawk with their jaws open. I've started calling them on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb in NZ Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Living in a culture not your own is very trying at times. Like you, I really enjoy learning about different cultures, how we are different, but the same at the same time. But some days I really want things to be the way it is in my culture. Milestone moments (i.e graduation, holidays, weddings, etc.) are times when I've found myself less open to different cultural behaviors. We have attended a few graduations with dd & ds#1. Most of the ceremony is fine & for the most part the audience is fairly quiet, but every once in a while I would be startled when 2-3 people in the audience would get up & do a haka, approaching the stage. I do understand that this was to acknowledge the big achievement that a member of their extended family has made, but after the 3rd haka for the day, it got real annoying. The haka is a traditional challenge that often preceded a battle, to IMHO it doesn't really fit situations, like graduations. As it was we already had to sit through the waiata (traditional greeting) & the katakia ( Maori blessing), so to have several impromptu hakas was a bit too much. But this is one of the many prices we pay daily as part of ex-pat life. As far as the staring---this would be hard to take, day after day, but your family will most likely always stand out in most culturals. To expect foreign people to react as Americans do is not fair. JMHO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I don't have smilies on the iPad, so I'm not sure if I can get the :grouphug: to show up properly, but I totally understand and sympathize! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 What does JAWM mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 What does JAWM mean? It means Just Agree With Me, and is usually used to signal that the OP is feeling emotional or vulnerable and just wants sympathy rather than advice or arguments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 It means Just Agree With Me, and is usually used to signal that the OP is feeling emotional or vulnerable and just wants sympathy rather than advice or arguments. Ah, okay. That makes total sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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