msjones Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 So, they already know how to play video games. Fellow proud parents, we can check that off our lists. What should they be able to DO? (Not 'what should they KNOW.' ) (The author of Boys Adrift talks at length about the difference there...) What do you think? I'll start. I think they should know how to mow a lawn decently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 How to carry on a conversation, asking questions and showing interest...how to be polite in various situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Change oil and tires Jump start a car Repair a toilet Replace a faucet Paint a room Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Bicycle care and repair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 The same things my daughter needs to know and do. Ie. Minor household and car repairs and maintenance, yard maintenance, banking, social interactions, cook a basic healthy meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner, swim, maintain and do basic repair of clothing, basic child care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMA Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Learn as much good character, in addition to useful skills, as they can from their fathers or other good male role models. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Laundry! Indy has been doing his since he was 7 Clear the table and load the dishwasher Sweep and/or vacuum their rooms Dust Pick up after themselves Take out the rubbish/recycling Make their beds Cook a simple breakfast-I recently taught Indy how to make eggs and he's thrilled to do it without having to wait for me Eat with chopsticks :D Seriously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msjones Posted March 23, 2013 Author Share Posted March 23, 2013 Disclaimer: I don't mean girls shouldn't be doing these things as well. This thread was inspired by another thread specifically about boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msjones Posted March 23, 2013 Author Share Posted March 23, 2013 I want my boys to be able to carry a pack at least three miles with no complaining. I want them to be able to carry it farther than that -- but I'll accept a little complaining after the third mile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msjones Posted March 23, 2013 Author Share Posted March 23, 2013 -Set up and break down their campsite -build a safe and appropriate campfire Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msjones Posted March 23, 2013 Author Share Posted March 23, 2013 Change oil and tires Jump start a car Repair a toilet Replace a faucet Paint a room I don't know how to repair a toilet. Do you? I don't think my husband can, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I don't know how to repair a toilet. Do you? I don't think my husband can, either. Yes, I can repair a toilet. I can take the mechanism out and put it a new one. It isn't hard. There is probably a YouTube video. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4kidlets4me Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 mow the lawn change the oil change a tire jump a car basic home repairs-paint, unclog a toilet, fix a slow drain etc how to use basic tools cook how to hang a picture, put up a curtain rod, put together Ikea type furniture( I have a brother in law who cannot do any of those things) start a fire put up a tent drive a stick shift change the car battery Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Do you mean, what a boy should know how to do that a girl wouldn't? I'm drawing a blank there. http://www.esquire.com/features/life-skills-0509#slide-1 ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 There was an article a few years ago in a men's magazine (like GQ not the other kind) that was a list of things all men should know how to do. The ones I remember: catch, clean and cook a fish start a fire change the oil in a car change a tire on a car fix a leaking faucet cook a decent meal do his own laundry iron a shirt unclog plumbing fix a toilet chop down a tree shoot a gun clean a gun drywall and paint a room install a light switch hook up a computer install software hook up a sound system put together furniture mow a lawn sew on a button sew up a hole in clothing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Speak up for himself. Speak up for others. Persuade. Teach. Encourage. Apologize. Make amends. Build lots of stuff. Repair lots of stuff. Know how stuff works. Be dependable. Be punctual. Be fair. Be generous. Be good in an emergency. Be brave. Smell a gas leak. Smell a rat. Hear a fallacy. Read body language. Detect a lie. Suss out an agenda. Work past exhaustion. Play past worry. Brighten the world. Keep the faith. Speak the truth. Feel responsible. Know when to hold 'em Know when to fold 'em Know when to walk away Know when to run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoundAbout Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Yes, I can repair a toilet. I can take the mechanism out and put it a new one. It isn't hard. There is probably a YouTube video. Yup. I repaired our toilet while DH was deployed thanks to YouTube videos. You can find anything on the Internet. I even found a video of someone threading our ancient Kenmore sewing machine online. The exact model from 197x! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoundAbout Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I'm more concerned with a "Can Do" attitude than any specific skills. DH learned how to repair bicycles after finding out it would cost $150 for a simple tune-up on his triathlon bike. After years of tune ups and doing his own upgrades he can now build a bike totally from scratch and works on friends' bikes all the time. He didn't grow up working on bikes specifically but he knew he was probably as smart as the guy at the bike shop and learned the rest from a good repair manual and some videos. That's the kind of thing I want my son to learn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 follow a schedule, but be his own man Stand up for the basic rights of others and himself Change a light fixture Change/repair a toilet Fix minor plumbing issues Change an outlet Cut a board with a miter saw Measure twice, cut once remember safety first mow a lawn shovel snow cook a meal Do for others without expecting financial rewards make a phone call to deal with customer service issues handle his finances well not make promises with his mouth that he can't keep with his actions listen to others Judge less, love more smile even life is chaotic never give up, never surrender Live long and prosper Be grateful Be humble help a neighbor be a friend paint a room put down a floor drive responsibly keep good counsel read to his kids remember that the sound of life is way more important that anything on television find his groove call his mother, but put his own family first hold a hand give a hug stare into the impossible and try anyway keep calm and carry on never lose his sense of humor to live his life, not the status quo unless that is what he wants to never quit asking why to remember that the world is larger than you can imagine, and smaller than you might think To have more room in his life for people than things To travel when he is young To be a simple kind of man, be something he loves and understands to never close his mind or his heart to learn that life, like math, sometimes just needs to get tackled one problem at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 It's a really interesting question, because a lot of it depends on what you expect the world to look like when they are adults and what you think their world's trade off between what you have to do for yourself vs. what you pay others to do will look like. For example, not very many of us have on our lists "learn how to locate water underground and dig a well." We live in a world where we typically can just move into a house or an apartment with indoor plumbing. There is no guarantee that will always be true for our world in general, or that our kids won't choose unusual life styles where water locating/well digging will be important. But most of us just assume they will be ok. Likewise, many of us aren't teaching our children to perform emergency tracheotomies or butcher their own pigs, because we assume they will pay doctors for the former and depend on the grocery store for the later, though it is entirely possible that these skills might be necessary depending on how the world changes or what lives our children choose for themselves. So for me, I think about what one is likely to need to do for himself vs. what he is likely to pay someone else to do. We can't all master every skill. Honestly, I have no idea how to change the oil in my car. DH may know, but he has never done it. Because for a small price, someone can do that for me. Likewise, I pay for some of our plumbing and electrical work, even though DH and I both can do minor stuff. We pay people to clean our gutters, do the major work of trimming and cutting down trees, and even wash our outdoor windows, which are plentiful and high. I think my parents figured they would prepare us to make a living - not necessarily a fabulous living, but the kind of living that lets you say, 'Ok, we cook most of our meals, do the yard work, and take care of our own laundry, but we will pay others to replace the roof or take care of automobile repairs." I personally don't see what is wrong with that. My boys have no idea how to can tomatoes, rework a car engine, build a shed, or rewire a bathroom. I have never taught my sons to hem their own pants. I know how to do it, but I don't do it as neatly as the woman who I pay $12 a pair to do my hemming. And that seems fine to me. My boys will either pay someone to do it for them or learn themselves. It's seriously not rocket science, so if $12 ever seems too much, a refresher on Youtube probably would get me, or them, up to snuff. So what to boys need to learn to DO? I think the answer will be different for everyone. I think in my house my boys need to learn how to think about and manages finances and household accounts. I think they need to be money smart, savings smart, investment wise, and just understand how important it is to start saving money for retirement as soon as you start working even a dumb "kid" job. I think they need to know how to clean, do laundry, and cook basic things. It's actually too expensive for most people, even with good incomes, to pay for someone to do the everyday stuff. I want them to know how to make the meals they most like, how to stock a house with food, how to eat nutritiously, how to find the best prices on the food they buy, how to do their laundry and keep a house presentable and comfortable. I think they need to know how to iron. I think they know how to properly clean a car. DH and I have never paid anyone to mow our lawn, and I think the kids need to know how to do basic yard work and house repairs, though many of my neighbors pay people to do all their yard work and repairs, and they seem to be getting by fine. My boys are both learning to paint (interior) from their Dad. My DH hates paying anyone to paint inside the house. But a few years for now, he may be older and tireder, and then we might pay people, and it will be fine. I think they need to learn how to drive, how to drive in various conditions, and how to think through the expenses of owning and operating a car. I think they need to learn how to be good guests, good dates, good grandsons. My boys are kind of "doers" anyway. Neither of my younger boys has been into video games. They own them and almost never play. They are into sports and music. They really don't have time to play video games in high school. When I read about how boys are "adrift" little slackers with too much time on their hands, it doesn't resonate with my experience at all. I did read the book, and there were things I found very interesting and alarming. I didn't get the feeling many here have that he is all about boys being "manly" in traditional ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Know where to go to find out how to do something/anything (what resources are available to learn from) Have good manners which will include how to behave in various situations (even those which they may not have encountered yet). We bought these books for the boys this past Christmas: As a Gentleman Would Say: Responses to Life's Important (and Sometimes Awkward) Situations (Gentlemanners) How to Be a Gentleman Revised & Updated: A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 basic first aid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa R. Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 This is where Boy Scouts comes in handy. Going all the way through the program to Eagle, boys complete so many merit badges along the way that do a great job of covering many of the holes he would otherwise have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Pee standing up maybe.... I can't pee standing up without making a mess... Have you put some effort toward this endeavor? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Pee standing up maybe.... I can't pee standing up without making a mess... Neither can men, no matter how carefully they aim. To wit, you don't want to bring a black light into the washroom if you've got men in the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 They should know the basics of cleaning and should be learning how to cook. Also the basics of how to dress and appropriate social interaction with people not in the peer group--adults in positions of authority, adults in positions of deference (like restaurant servers, cashiers, etc.), elder adults, girls, small children (esp. if no little siblings around, may need to give some attention). The basics of child care. A kid that age should know how to change a diaper, what to do when a 2 yo. is throwing a tantrum, etc. The basics of maintaining electronics, household appliances, etc are also important (how to clean, how to recognize problems, how to hook up the electronics, how to do diagnostics and when to call tech assistance etc.) Similar proficiency for vehicles by the time they can drive, and if they ride a bike, they should know how to change a tire or chain, etc. The basics of how to use household tools from kitchen knives to basic power tools. They should know how to swim and the basics of orienteering (reading a compass, getting basic bearings from sun/a few stars, reading a map and using it to get somewhere). I also don't think that what boys need to learn and what girls need to learn are much different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I would agree with those who said "same things as our daughters," but in the spirit of the thread, here's my list. I'm an idealist, so YMMV. :laugh: *Understand the major components of household systems; i.e, change air filters, understand the heat system and what it needs, understand the plumbing and electrical systems - know where to turn water off, flip breakers, etc. *Keep track of finances. Avoid debt. Pursue investments. *Wash a car. Clean its interior. Do small car maintenance tasks. Understand the major components of the car *Catch and clean fish *Possibly butcher and hunt, if he's a type that can emotionally cope with this. *Fire a gun safely *Cook a full meal from scratch. Bake some simpler foods from scratch. *Plan a party. *Put in a garden. Care for it. Harvest it. Store the harvest, including canning. *Maintain the yard/plants *Clean all aspects of the house. *Do laundry. Iron. *Simple sewing repairs. *Write a competent letter. *Paint correctly. Sand, caulk, putty. *Care for animals *Ride a horse *Understand the rules of basic sports. Be able to competently kick a soccer ball, throw a football, play volleyball, etc. Swim. *Come up with an enterprising way to earn money, other than getting a job. *Be able to kindly interact with society's more fragile members. Lastly, this is a hard one to specify, but I want to see all of my children be able to find a solution when presented with a unique difficulty. I want them to be innovative enough to figure out a solution, even if they've never encountered it before and there's no YouTube about it. I'm sure there are more. Those are just the things that spring to mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I have to admit that I pay to have most routine maintenance done, though I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself. I'm actually quite handy, more so than many men. However, the time factor comes into play. My kids don't see me do stuff on a regular basis like I used to see my parents do. That said, they have seen me change a tire, and I'm "the" toilet fixer around here. LOL. I fix things that break. What I don't do is wash floors, mow lawns, or shovel snow. I just can't consistently set aside time to do that and still keep the place running. And there's no man around here. I know I need to come up with a plan for getting my kids on these chores at some point. It will be a while, though. (They are 6.) When I do this, it may be a sad day for the folks I currently pay to do the work. Hiring manual labor out isn't all bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Pee standing up maybe.... I can't pee standing up without making a mess... Double thumbs up on this one. Unfortunately I've read dozens of posts on this forum by women who force their boys to pee sitting down. Weird. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 He should know how to speak respectfully to girls/women He should be able to take care of himself as far as feeding, clothing, and care/cleaning of his dwelling. And there's another thing I think is important but I'm not listing it here. Too hot to handle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Double thumbs up on this one. Unfortunately I've read dozens of posts on this forum by women who force their boys to pee sitting down. Weird. Bill Ha! My dh insisted on a urinal when we had our house built. I'm now teaching the boys on how to properly clean said urinal.....cause I don't use. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Ha! My dh insisted on a urinal when we had our house built. I'm now teaching the boys on how to properly clean said urinal.....cause I don't use. Good idea! Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Unfortunately I've read dozens of posts on this forum by women who force their boys to pee sitting down. Weird. Bill lol. that is weird. it reminds me of a movie with jack nicholson i saw. his wife made him pee sitting down & he was a grown man! it was so crazy and controlling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Ha! My dh insisted on a urinal when we had our house built. I'm now teaching the boys on how to properly clean said urinal.....cause I don't use. I so wish we had done that when we built our home. I only had sisters growing up and had NO idea the lifestyle I would have with 4 sons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Unfortunately I've read dozens of posts on this forum by women who force their boys to pee sitting down. Weird. Bill Eww! Why??? Wait. Maybe I don't want to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 lol. that is weird. it reminds me of a movie with jack nicholson i saw. his wife made him pee sitting down & he was a grown man! it was so crazy and controlling. Eww! Why??? Wait. Maybe I don't want to know. Husbands too. "Search" is not your friend :D Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Husbands too. "Search" is not your friend :D Bill Whoa. whoa. whoa. Eww. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I don't make males pee sitting down, but I think it's disgusting that not a one of them can aim! No men live here, but every time one visits I have to go scrub the toilet so the bathroom doesn't stink. I say if your man is willing to sit, what's the problem? Does sitting to pee cut off the testosterone? Because apparently men seem to think that cleaning the toilet does. :/ I have an acquaintance (whom I don't happen to like) who has a sign in her bathroom instructing men to sit. I have no idea whether it is a joke or for real (her husband is probably the type to obey it). If I had sons, they would have the chore of scrubbing the toilets frequently. Then if they decided to pee all over it, it would be their problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Eww.. Although my MIL has one and it has a cover. So that's kinda cool. It was living in Europe for 10 years that made dh decide he wanted a urinal in his house. It's not any more gross than a toilet or bidet. My Italian friend cannot believe I don't have a bidet. When I visited her house in Italy I was going on and on about the bidet. She said there's not a house in Italy without one and said she'd rather not imagine what Americans do without. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Pee standing up maybe.... I can't pee standing up without making a mess... You can actually learn this online. Lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 the great thing about boys being able to go standing up is that they then can go OUTSIDE. We live in a very remote area, and have very limited water. The aiming gets perfected with much outside practice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I wouldn't know how to use a bidet. I don't think I've even seen one. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 It was living in Europe for 10 years that made dh decide he wanted a urinal in his house. It's not any more gross than a toilet or bidet. My Italian friend cannot believe I don't have a bidet. When I visited her house in Italy I was going on and on about the bidet. She said there's not a house in Italy without one and said she'd rather not imagine what Americans do without. :lol: I remember the first time my boys saw Crocodile Dundee - they were baffled as well :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Double thumbs up on this one. Unfortunately I've read dozens of posts on this forum by women who force their boys to pee sitting down. Weird. Bill With no willing man to help teach, I'm about to start making my son sit! He does nothing to care for the drips and his pants are always wet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Some people listed making a bed. I mean what is there to know about this? Seriously. This is just something important to you. Fine. But it's not a special skill really. This is so. I'll go further that girls (and boys) need to be taught they are not arbiters of fine bed-making (or whatever), and there's no reason to take at face value a person who says they don't "know how to" make a bed, etc. And especially not to just go ahead and do it (and that, and that, and that) because their partner doesn't do it well enough. I'm sometimes guilty of this as a parent, and shake it off when I catch myself.... but there's a different dynamic entirely with a partner. Don't be gatekeepers. Negotiating household chores is fine -- even if they end up splitting "boy" work and "girl" work -- but appropriating them due to affected or perceived incompetence is not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 LOL Well, not exactly, but I have some issues down there so even peeing in a squat without sitting on a toilet isn't pretty. I have heard of some women/girls being able to do this though. I can aim correctly into a squat toilet. Unfortunately I've read dozens of posts on this forum by women who force their boys to pee sitting down. Weird. There are men who choose to pee sitting down. Really. Why is that weird? Why do you care? Why does it mean some woman is forcing them to so it? I also think it's a bit pointless to say one forces one's son to do anything in the bathroom, when presumably the boy is alone in there without maternal oversight after some age. If the boy is peeing all over the place while standing up, he should either sit down or figure out how to aim, or else thoroughly clean up after himself. Why should the mother be forced to clean up just because he insists on being macho enough to spray everything in sight? That is only, maybe, acceptable if your family normally eschews bathrooms entirely for the wonder of answering the call of nature, in nature. I have read dozens of posts on this forum by you about the joys of circumcision. Seems to me it's a lot more relevant to me how all members (male and female) of my household successfully get their urine in the toilet than the foreskin of some other kid in another family, that I will never meet. None of my male in laws know anything about home repair or such. That is something people normally hire handymen for, for a super low cost. People don't keep tools around, either. I think it's a great skill to have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 My dad peed sitting down when using a toilet. He just did. Nobody told him to; he just thought it was sensible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravinlunachick Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Obviously, American moms are slacking off in the "teach the boy to pee standing up" department, or the company that made these gems would still be in business! http://www.ebay.com/itm/Peter-Potty-Flushing-Toddler-Urinal-Free-standing-and-Portable-LOOK-/151013773875?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item23291f5233 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I think that attempting to control the manner in which someone else uses the bathroom (provided they aren't leaving a huge mess they expect others to clean up) is just about the height of absurdity and freakiness. That said, it took forever to get my older son to be willing to stand and pee anywhere outside. Soooo annoying on camping trips. At home, he prefers to sit. I don't think that is a reflection of anything besides him being very mess averse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Obviously, American moms are slacking off in the "teach the boy to pee standing up" department, or the company that made these gems would still be in business! http://www.ebay.com/itm/Peter-Potty-Flushing-Toddler-Urinal-Free-standing-and-Portable-LOOK-/151013773875?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item23291f5233 That's a whole lotta of plastic silliness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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