Kimberly in IN Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Please allow me to vent and ask for advice. I am still reeling over a phone conversation from a neighbor/mother of my dd's friend. This just happened, just hung up the phone with neighbor. Last Sunday (11 days ago) afternoon, my dd (age 7) was over at neighbor's house playing, inside the house, nothing new or out of the ordinary. Parents were home, etc. Neighbor has a daughter, 7 and son, 4. All 3 kids were playing hide-n-seek. Apparently, my daughter hid in their front loader washing machine. Apparently neither parent was aware of this. Weight of my daughter (36lbs) apparently broke the washing machine. Neighbor wants us to purchase new washing machine for her. I can't get over the idea that my dd was in a washing machine!!!!!!! At no point did neighbor apologize for not watching the kids more closely or anything. My mind keeps going to what could have happened. According to neighbor, neither of her kids told her Maddie was in machine. She just found out when discussing broken washing machine w/ her husband several days later & her daughter then offered up that my dd had hid in the machine. (for the record, my dd says it was the neighbor's son who hid in the machine) I don't know if I have written this so that it makes any sense or not. I am literally shaking from what could have been ... And so very thankful nothing happened to my dd. What would you do? 1. Would you buy them a new washing machine? (she wants a new, particular one, certain model, color, etc. ... over $2000) 2. More importantly, would you be upset to learn that your child had been in a washing machine & neighbor wasn't aware & did not see any problem with any type of lack of supervision or anything. (Yes, we will be reviewing why you don't get into any type of appliance with her. She has never hidden in any appliance that I am aware of) I am not going to allow my dd to play at their house any more or allow their kids over at my house while I sort this out in my head. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Please allow me to vent and ask for advice. I am still reeling over a phone conversation from a neighbor/mother of my dd's friend. This just happened, just hung up the phone with neighbor. Last Sunday (11 days ago) afternoon, my dd (age 7) was over at neighbor's house playing, inside the house, nothing new or out of the ordinary. Parents were home, etc. Neighbor has a daughter, 7 and son, 4. All 3 kids were playing hide-n-seek. Apparently, my daughter hid in their front loader washing machine. Apparently neither parent was aware of this. Weight of my daughter (36lbs) apparently broke the washing machine. Neighbor wants us to purchase new washing machine for her. I can't get over the idea that my dd was in a washing machine!!!!!!! At no point did neighbor apologize for not watching the kids more closely or anything. My mind keeps going to what could have happened. According to neighbor, neither of her kids told her Maddie was in machine. She just found out when discussing broken washing machine w/ her husband several days later & her daughter then offered up that my dd had hid in the machine. (for the record, my dd says it was the neighbor's son who hid in the machine) I don't know if I have written this so that it makes any sense or not. I am literally shaking from what could have been ... And so very thankful nothing happened to my dd. What would you do? 1. Would you buy them a new washing machine? (she wants a new, particular one, certain model, color, etc. ... over $2000) 2. More importantly, would you be upset to learn that your child had been in a washing machine & neighbor wasn't aware & did not see any problem with any type of lack of supervision or anything. (Yes, we will be reviewing why you don't get into any type of appliance with her. She has never hidden in any appliance that I am aware of) I am not going to allow my dd to play at their house any more or allow their kids over at my house while I sort this out in my head. Thanks! No, I wouldn't buy them a new washing machine, but I would offer to pay to send a repairman over to assess the damage and pay for the repair. It would be less than $2,000. I think it's ridiculous that the neighbor is washing machine shopping :glare: . No, I wouldn't be upset with the neighbor about supervision. I'd be ticked at my kid. I don't typically monitor children of that age playing hide and seek that closely. I wouldn't expect other parents to do it either. I would hope my kids know not to climb in a washing machine or dryer, but stuff happens. Unfortunately, it's an expensive lesson learned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakblossoms Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I would be upset that they didn't notice a child in a FL. That is scary. I would not pay for it. They should be much tougher than that. She needs to check with her insurance. I personally would not buy a 2000 machine without getting a warranty on it. When we had ours I purposely purchased it from Best Buy so it could be fixed because they are expensive to fix and replace. It is probably going to ruin the friendship. But, such is life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Your neighbor did not supervise the children in her care. The error is hers. There is no need for anyone to purchase a brand new machine, at least until a repair estimate is obtained. If such a thing had happened on my watch, I would be shaken and truly thankful that it had not ended much, much worse. I would be apologizing to the child's parents profusely for my lack of oversight. I would not, in a million years, ask the child's parents to pay a dime for my error. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 1. No. There is no way a load of wet towels weighs less than 36 lbs. (A cubic foot of water weighs 62 lbs.) And especially since dd says it was the boy. Does dd even fit in the washer? 2, Yes, Dd would not be playing there anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 First I would let her know that your daughter claims not to have hidden in the washer and see where that goes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misty.warden Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I'm hyperventilating a bit on your behalf just thinking about kids in washing machines (my grandma is a nurse, I've heard way too many stories). I would for sure talk to dd about not getting into appliances because she's old enough to understand that it's dangerous. The neighbor probably thought kids that age would know better and she didn't have to watch them as closely or declare the laundry room off limits, but I still wouldn't buy her a new one. Warranties usually don't cover misuse and abuse so even if she had one it might not pay for replacement, but that's not your problem, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I would probably tell her that dd told her it was her own child. Then, I would have pointed out that since they weren't watching the kids they really have no idea who was in it. I would also ask if they've had a repairman out to actually assess the damage, and that I would not be paying for a new machine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 What a scary, uncomfortable mess! (1) Your dd says the other child was in the washer. The neighbor's dd says it was your dd. Maybe it was two children in the washer?? The other parents were oblivious to the activities of several children, so they actually do not know. It is very difficult to establish the truth of the matter. (2) Children of those ages (7, 7, and 4) should be supervised better. One of them might have been out-to-lunch enough to start running the machine. They could have gone outside and been run over. Anything! (I remember when my oldest two boys were very young and the next-door-neighbor girl was apprehended while demonstrating to them her father's chain saw. :eek: ) (3) In no way are you obligated to purchase a new washing machine for this family ! Unless the facts can be established firmly, I even want to say that you should offer to pay no more than 1/2 of the repair costs -- after two estimates are made. (one estimate from each family's choice of repair company) (4) Sadly, this very well may spell the end of good relations with your neighbors, unless they are well-adjusted people with a sense of responsibility for childcare and also a sense of humor (now that all is over and safe). This is my first-reflex response. As I think about it, I could end up modifying this initial position -- but not by much! [EDIT]: Back later. Don't do anything yet. It's just too flimsy a story at this point. (1) Any of the children might have done the damage. At these ages, it would be unusual for a child readily to risk receiving punishment by owning up. (2) There is no proof that the washer was not on the fritz in the first place. (3) What kind of damage is alleged, and is it consonant with somebody having been inside the washer? (4) It is your place to offer restitution (only after your child's involvement is proven). The neighbor should not be the first one to demand 100% financial satisfaction. This, at least, is the style of good manners that I was taught. (5) A new washer is an absurd demand, anyway. Splitting the repair costs is still what I think the most that should be considered. The other parent has yet (evidently) to admit negligent supervision. P.S. Going eleven days without doing laundry IS possible. BTDT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avila Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 She was supposed to be supervising. You have no idea which child it actually was, and 11 days later, you don't even know for sure that that incident is what broke the machine. Has she not noticed for 11 days or just waited until she was done shopping to tell you? I think she is taking advantage here, and I would not pay. It was a mistake, and sometimes mistakes are expensive. But the mistake was primarily that of the adult in charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mona100 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I would say no, you don't have to pay for anything. I remember a similar case on the Judge Judy show where the man wanted the neighbor kids parents to pay for a brand new tv bc the kid was playing with the Wii and let the controller slip thru the kid's hand. Judge Judy told the man with the broke tv that it was his responsibility to supervise the children in his house better. The kid was the same age as your daughter. Anyways, it just shows I watch too many court shows. Even if your daughter said she wasn't in the washer, just make sure and have a talk about not getting into major appliances. I'm just glad nothing happened. Also, why are you just now finding out about this if it happened 11 days ago? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I find it difficult to believe that the woman hasn't done any laundry for 11 DAYS. :glare: I think the machine broke and she's looking for someone to buy her a new one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 No! You do not need to pay because other kid 'says' it was your dd. And the neighbor has a new machine all picked out?! If I were in a very generous mood, I might consider sending over a washboard, but only if I had an extra one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I would probably tell her that dd told her it was her own child. Then, I would have pointed out that since they weren't watching the kids they really have no idea who was in it. I would also ask if they've had a repairman out to actually assess the damage, and that I would not be paying for a new machine. She was supposed to be supervising. You have no idea which child it actually was, and 11 days later, you don't even know for sure that that incident is what broke the machine. Has she not noticed for 11 days or just waited until she was done shopping to tell you? I think she is taking advantage here, and I would not pay. It was a mistake, and sometimes mistakes are expensive. But the mistake was primarily that of the adult in charge. :iagree: with both of these. 11 days later? and no adult actually saw a child in the machine so there's no proof other than what another 7 year old says? and no proof that a child is actually what broke the machine in the first place. It's a shame (maybe, hard to say since she definitely is trying to take advantage of you IMO) but this friendship is probably over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I call BS. There is no way a kid under 40 lbs should be able to break a washing machine simply by getting into it. You can bet her dd knows something about what really did happen. Or maybe her dd was actually just speculating. I have noticed my dd has a tendency to do this. I'll ask her a question and she'll offer up possible answers. She's not lying though, but is very imaginative. I've learned to ask very specific questions like: Is this something you know or something you think might be possible? And then we talk about how it's okay to say "I don't know" or "I'm not sure, but...." if you don't know something for certain, and how to let people know when you are theorizing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 He!! to the no. 1) I don't believe your neighbor re this breaking the machine - I have a front loader, and I don't see how a 36-lb child climbing into it would break it. As someone else noted, a wet load of towels probably weighs that much. 2) It's just as likely to have been the other kid. 3) Even if it is possible for 36 lbs to break the machine, and even if your dd did climb into the machine, there would simply be no way to know if that's what broke the machine. No one saw that occur. 4) Supervision much? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Also wanted to add that I would never expect someone to pay for something that occurred during an allowed activity in my house. If I allow rough play or hide and seek in the house, then I'm taking my chances, kwim? If I allow catch in the back yard, the ball may bounce into the garden, or a kid may crash into it. If they smash my prized veggies, I will cry briefly over the wasted work and expense, but then I'll get over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I doubt that a 36 lb child would break the machine just by getting into it. A load of wet towels would weigh more. As for the supervising issue--this may or may not be actually negligent. Two seven-year-olds should be able to play in the house without constant and direct supervision. It's not like they are toddlers. And your dd might have been in the machine less than ten minutes. There may or may not have been adequate supervision. That said, I can see why you are so badly frightened. I would be frightened too, but I would not assume poor supervision (though it is possible). I doubt a little girl could break the machine just climbing inside of it, though. And the story sounds iffy anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 That takes an awful lot of something. I can't imagine asking a neighbor to pay for a machine. I'd tell her your daughter says it was the son. You could offer to pay towards repair costs if you want. I'd ask for the repair estimate and pay what I felt was fair toward that. She can use the money to replace if she wants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Nope. I wouldn't give her a dime. She can't prove anything. She can sue you, but it won't hold up in court. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 No I would not be spending 2,000 dollars on a washing machine for her. I find it hard to believe a 36 lb kid broke it in the first place. Sounds like it was already having problems and your dd is the scape goat. She should be thrilled that the thing lasted 7 years, that is way longer than anyone else I know has gotten from theirs. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberly in IN Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Thank you so much for all of the input & letting me vent. I am still having a hard time with letting go of what could have happened, with any of the kids, inside the washing machine and just being thankful that nothing did happen. This experience has certainly reminded me that dd is still just a little girl & certainly does need supervision. I should have been clearer in my original post. (I was so shaken up by the news.) Neighbor had already had a repair person to her house. She said the repair person told her it would be a better deal to just get a new washer b/c cost to repair is so high. I didn't care so much about details of broken washer but she said the swing arm is broken. She also had already called her home owners insurance which told her this situation was not covered. I know nothing about front loading washing machines, except how to turn on. In other words, I don't know what a swing arm is. I am still upset that neighbor waited so long to let me know that my daughter was playing hide-n-seek in a washing machine. It appears to me that if the washer wasn't broken, neighbor wouldn't have even mentioned this to me. I am reviewing with dd (and will continue to do) that she cannot hide in any appliance & that if a friend is doing so that she should immediately tell an adult. I do agree that my daughter should have known better (whether or not she was the one in the machine or if either of the other kids were.) But, if this had happened at my house, I would have been somewhat concerned that the kids had done this & felt bad about it. The broken washing machine would not be the main issue. Dh does not feel the need to pay for any portion of the repairs. We did not ask them to pay when their daughter used a rock to write her name on our van (our dd still wrote in all caps at time & could not spell friend's name.) We just stopped allowing the girls to play on driveway if an adult wasn't directly observing. We did not ask them to pay when their daughter threw a rock through the window on our back door to get our older son's attention. We just instructed our dc to walk her back to her own house if our dd wasn't home, not to just say that Maddie couldn't play. (and that is a major inconvenience to our older dc, but necessary) And, I got a new door, long story about the glass, door, etc. Unfortunately, I could go on ... and on. Lets just say it is not a case of their daughter is an angel and ours is evil or that both girls don't need supervision when playing with each other. Anyway, thank you. I had not even thought about how much water would weigh or how much a load of wet laundry would weigh. You have given me a lot to think about. I do think this friendship will have to end or at least be put on hold. Will be watching dd quite closely, reviewing not hiding in appliances and generally making good choices. Plus, holding and hugging her so very tightly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Does the "swing arm" mean that the issue is with the door, not the inside of the machine? If so, I actually can imagine that a 36lb kid could break it by swinging it open and hanging on it. The supervision thing wouldn't bother me personally. I mean, they should have known better, clearly, but I certainly don't supervise my kids and their friends that closely and I wouldn't expect it to be any different at their house. But the whole story is too flimsy, like everyone else said. Even if your dd did hide in the washer, how do you know that's what broke it? And she says their son did and she didn't - classic he said, she said. If that was my kids, my first thought would be that they absolutely would never try to climb in my washer... but if they went to a friend's house and all the other kids were hiding in the washer, then common sense would fly out the door. I mean, not because it would be peer pressure exactly, but just because they would think, oh, this must be something that is okay. I mean, it's *his* house, so he must know! Plus, I would be bothered by the fact that they immediately jumped to "you should clearly pay us $2000" based on so little. I think you're right to put the friendship on hold. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Personal opinion; however, I think that what I bolded from your post reveals a lot about your family's forgiving nature, indirectly reveals -- well, something -- about your neighbor's viewpoints, . . . and leads me to conclude that you should not pay a nickel. Dh does not feel the need to pay for any portion of the repairs. We did not ask them to pay when their daughter used a rock to write her name on our van (our dd still wrote in all caps at time & could not spell friend's name.) We just stopped allowing the girls to play on driveway if an adult wasn't directly observing. We did not ask them to pay when their daughter threw a rock through the window on our back door to get our older son's attention. We just instructed our dc to walk her back to her own house if our dd wasn't home, not to just say that Maddie couldn't play. (and that is a major inconvenience to our older dc, but necessary) And, I got a new door, long story about the glass, door, etc. Unfortunately, I could go on ... and on. Lets just say it is not a case of their daughter is an angel and ours is evil or that both girls don't need supervision when playing with each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 No I would not be spending 2,000 dollars on a washing machine for her. I find it hard to believe a 36 lb kid broke it in the first place. Sounds like it was already having problems and your dd is the scape goat. She should be thrilled that the thing lasted 7 years, that is way longer than anyone else I know has gotten from theirs. ;) This is so true! We just had to have the inside of ours rebuilt (thankfully, under the extended warranty we purchased) and it's only 5 years old! Now that we're out of the warranty period, I would buy another top-loading Speed Queen, like I used to have, instead of fixing this one! Does the "swing arm" mean that the issue is with the door, not the inside of the machine? If so, I actually can imagine that a 36lb kid could break it by swinging it open and hanging on it. The supervision thing wouldn't bother me personally. I mean, they should have known better, clearly, but I certainly don't supervise my kids and their friends that closely and I wouldn't expect it to be any different at their house. But the whole story is too flimsy, like everyone else said. Even if your dd did hide in the washer, how do you know that's what broke it? And she says their son did and she didn't - classic he said, she said. If that was my kids, my first thought would be that they absolutely would never try to climb in my washer... but if they went to a friend's house and all the other kids were hiding in the washer, then common sense would fly out the door. I mean, not because it would be peer pressure exactly, but just because they would think, oh, this must be something that is okay. I mean, it's *his* house, so he must know! Plus, I would be bothered by the fact that they immediately jumped to "you should clearly pay us $2000" based on so little. I think you're right to put the friendship on hold. No, the swing arm is not the door. It's the mechanism that holds the whole basket in the front loading washer in place. As I mentioned above, we just had to have ours replaced and I would not have done it if it wasn't under warranty. The cost was $1,050!! They had to rebuild the entire inside of the washer and replace the tub. We never had a child in it, just normal, everyday washing, and it broke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Too many unknowns for you to worry that you should pay. Dd might have hidden in there after one of the other kids had done the same thing- maybe that's where she got the idea. I don't think her weight seems excessive. My front load says it'll hold 18 pounds of laundry and that's before water. And I'm sure they err of the cautious side anyway. Even if she DID hide in there, how can the repair guy know that's what caused the damage? Washing machines break all the time. Even new ones. How old was it, anyway? It must be a really, really nice one if she thinks a $2000 replacement is warranted! Yeah, maybe your dd was in the washer. But that's not enough proof that she was the ONLY one or that she did any damage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 For what it's worth, I've now had two appliance repairmen tell me they'd never own front loaders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Sorry about such an unpleasant situation. If your neighbor says anything further about you buying a new washing machine I would sweetly bring up the damage done to your car and back door by her child and say you feel things are pretty even at this point. That kind of friendship you can do without. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Wow. There is no way that's your itty kid's fault, even if she was the one in it. Wet laundry weighs more than she does. I'd tell them my daughter says it was their son, not her, and that regardless of that, if she had been supervising the children it wouldn't have happened. I foresee this isn't going to end pretty. I foresee you are going to wish you had ended this relationship a loooong time ago. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakblossoms Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Now that I know more, that woman is off her rocker if she thinks your dishin out money to her. She should be embarrassed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I typically try to look at the practical side of things. If it were me (the owner of the washing machine), I'd be upset with myself for not supervising the kids more closely. (I would also be a bit horrified that she climbed into the washing machine - please make sure you cover freezers, car trunks, etc as NOT good places to hide). I usually have 'off limits' places in our home that visitors can't go into. I'm not convinced your daughter broke it. Unless a visiting child was maliciously behaving, I wouldn't ever ask for someone to replace something. Interestingly enough, my daughter had a sleep-over friend this past week-end. Her guest is a bit 'heavy' and jumped onto the edge of the bed. The wooden bed frame cracked all the way through. I'm not convinced it should have broken (she's not 'that' big, but heavier than my kids) and it never occurred to me to even mention it to her mother much less ask for payment. I felt embarrassed for the little girl who was obviously mortified. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Let me preface my post with the following: 1. I don't think, based on the information, that you should automatically pay or contribute to replacing the machine. The forensic evidence is sketchy and suspect. However, and I guess I'll go ahead and be alone in this, but I don't have your perespective on the event and the danger at all. I don't personally believe that 7 years olds (who are also playing with a 4 year old) need the level of supervision in which I know their hiding spots. I, personally, would not be focused on the "washing machine" and "what could have happened" and the "need" for the neighbor to tell me of the potential disaster. It's just not a mind space or perspective that I have. I guess I have a mind-set that kids act like kids, and do things that they don't know are dangerous. I don't expect to prevent the range of adventure - in fact, I anticipate that my kids WILL make choices that seem fun at the time but are not "safe". In fact, I expect my kids to on occassion make choices they KNOW are less than safe - to think about it and choose the fun over possible danger. When I found out about the washing machine, I'd have one talk/lecture about the danger and respect of property. And it would be short. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 That's a pretty high end machine she's asking you to pay for! Well I have a front-loader (love it!) in sight of the computer, so I got up to gauge the inside while reading the OP. I'm thinking the inside of it would be VERY cramped for a 7-year-old to get into, much less to stay for any length of time. So I have my doubts about your dd being the culprit, but who knows, maybe she's Gumby? Anyway, I DEFINTELY don't think you should be paying these people for a new washer, or even half a new washer. Or even a partial washer. But if you felt compelled to pay anything, I'd pro-rate it like they do with cars, depending on how old the OLD one was, and what it may have originally cost, and what a washer's "present value." However, I would want to know if DD did it! Usually with my kids I say something like, "well why in the world did you think the washer would be a good place to hide?" Then I can tell by their reaction if they did it or not. (at least with my kids I feel I can tell) But either way, I don't feel you're obligated to pay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Normally, I'd agree with Joanne that a 7 year old should be able to play hide and seek without me needing to supervise. (Proviso: I have general rules that my bedroom, kitchen and bathrooms are off limits in general for any kind of play.) However, the OP later illuminated that it seems the neighbors daughter lacks an age appropriate level of sense and appropriateness. (Such as I would hazard a hope that the average 7 year old knows to not write with rocks on cars or throw rocks through home windows to get attention! Frankly, I would have been done with those neighbors after the car incident.) Given that knowledge, I do agree with the OP that if you know that your kid lacks basic logic skills for their age, you give them the supervision appropriate for their actual behavior skills, not their age. In fact, given the situation in that light, it wouldn't surprise me at all to find out the neighbors own child is the reason the washer is broken. But that is just as much pure speculation as the neighbors claims. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 First I would have a calm, serious conversation with your dd. Give her plenty of room to admit that she was in the washer, if that is the case. No punishment, etc. Tell her that you are about to take a stand and you really need to know now whether or not there will be proof from the other kids that she was in the washer. Then contact the washing machine manufacturer and find out exactly what the load capacity weight is for that model. Then I think I would write the neighbor a letter (keep a copy) saying that your dd says that she wasn't in the washer and that Johnny was. Tell her that the manufacturer says that machine will hold up to X pounds and that your dd only weighs X, so even IF she had been in it, her weight would not have caused the problem. Then I would end the letter by saying that just as your family did not require her to pay for a new window when Susie broke yours or a new car paint job when Sally wrote her name on yours, you do not feel compelled to pay for a new washer for her. I would reiterate that there is significant doubt whether your dd was the one in the washer and that even if it was her, the washer could withstand much more than her weight. Then I would have a serious discussion with dd regarding 1. staying out of appliances and 2. using good sense to determine what is the right thing to do and not getting caught up in the moment. If needed, add in an admonition about not doing what the other kids are doing, if that is wrong, blah blah blah, with lots about how regardless of who all is doing something wrong, she may well be the only one to get caught or blamed. Honestly, it sounds like these kids are not ideal friends and perhaps this is not a great family to entrust your dd to unattended. Certainly a 7yo should know better than to get into an appliance. However, it is not a great idea to have visitors and not have a pretty good idea of what they are up to . A family that has children with a history of poor judgement also throws up a bunch of red flags for me. Sometimes it isn't really anyone's fault, but certain people bring out the worst in each other. It may be time to cut the ties here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Dh does not feel the need to pay for any portion of the repairs. We did not ask them to pay when their daughter used a rock to write her name on our van (our dd still wrote in all caps at time & could not spell friend's name.) We just stopped allowing the girls to play on driveway if an adult wasn't directly observing. We did not ask them to pay when their daughter threw a rock through the window on our back door to get our older son's attention. We just instructed our dc to walk her back to her own house if our dd wasn't home, not to just say that Maddie couldn't play. (and that is a major inconvenience to our older dc, but necessary) And, I got a new door, long story about the glass, door, etc. Unfortunately, I could go on ... and on. Lets just say it is not a case of their daughter is an angel and ours is evil or that both girls don't need supervision when playing with each other. This gives me a new perspective. You sound kind and decent. Your neighbor, who sounds manipulative, may see your kindness as an invitation to take advantage of you -- reminds me of a con man finding a 'mark.' IMO, what your neighbor's dd did goes way beyond regular kid behavior -- especially the van incident. A rock through a window could be an accident ('didn't mean to throw it so hard'), but scratching a van takes a lot of persistence. Wow! I agree with your dh. Shield yourself from this toxic woman and her guilt trip agenda. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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