mommyx4 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I've been posting alot about a repeat csection vs a vbac2 because while the doctor recommended me get the csection I really don't know what I"m going to do about my other kids. My last csection was about 20 months ago and we had great friends that watched our two boys for 5 days. They were wonderful and very close to us, but have since moved away. This sounds so bad, but we *invested* all of our friendship time with this family, so consequently we don't have any close friends now. I was willing to try for the vbac because if successful, I could be out of the hospital in 4 hours and I wouldn't have to worry about what to do with my other children. But, if not, obviously I'll be in for much longer(and could be in for a very long time if there were complications). My husband is scared to death of me trying for a vbac and really I'm a little scared too, but feel like I should for my other kids sake. I'm not worried about my older kids(I have twin 11 yr old boys) I feel like I could find someone to watch them, but my 20 month old...I'm so worried about what to do with him. If I schedule the csection and make it until that date, I would love for my husband to be there at least the first night with me, but I don't know who to ask to watch him. He's so young and he's never been without us for more that 2 hours. My dad just moved here and he could *maybe* help a little bit, but he's not very kid friendly and he does work full time. Have you ever been in this situation? No family around and having a baby? Our extended family isn't any help. My father in law passed away. My mother in law lives in another state and is in a wheelchair. Unfortunately, my mother no longer speaks to me so she can't help(and wouldn't help even if I begged). What do I do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Are you involved with a church? Often the church family will be more than willing to help out wiht child care, meals, etc. It should make your little one more comfortable to have the older ones around. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 If you lived by me I'd be happy to help. You aren't in northern Maine by chance are you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyx4 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Thank you Parrot, no I'm in NC. No, we aren't members of a church either. I must sound like a broken record, but that hasn't worked out great for us either. We went to a church for about a year and have just stopped going because they don't have a childwatch(it was an Orthodox church) and they were very, very unwelcoming to children. (Not all Orthodox churches are like this-this was a small Russian church with barely any children). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 We're in a similar spot. While we DO have all of my ILs nearby, they won't help. Unfortunately this means that we get a friend from church to watch them while I am actually in labor (I'm not having a c-section) and during the delivery, DH can be there, but will have to return home with the children. I test GBS+ so I have to be in the hospital for at least 2 days, maybe 3. It's lonely, but it's doable. We don't allow our children to stay overnight with anyone though outside of family, and they've only done that twice in their lives. DH just brought the kids to the hospital last time with him after they got up and dressed in the mornings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I'm not near enough to help you either, but I totally understand your predicament -- btdt twice, though not the c-section part. Is there a grandparent who can come for a while? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Would your friend that moved away come and help? Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Would your friend that moved away come and help? Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyx4 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 No, my friend moved across the country :( . She has 5 children and can't come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Sent you a pm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyobu Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 What about hiring a college student? Do you have someone that you can ask for recommendations? Or, a local homeschool group that you could ask for older teen recommendations? Even if you could have a teen spend the day of the section and stay until late your DH could go home for the night if he had to. However, I'd think you might be able to find a 17 or 18 year old who could spend the night. She could babysit a couple of times ahead of time so your 20 month old could get used to her. You could even post on here for local help. Maybe meet for some play dates before hand or something. We have no close family and with our last baby we had trouble finding child care. I know that I wouldn't mind helping someone in a situation like this! I know how hard it is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 As far as your original question, OP - yes, when my third child was born, I had a c-section and had no one around to help afterwards. We had a family member who could watch the older two so that DH could be at the hospital for the birth. A few hours after DS was born, DH left to pick up the children and take them home. Baby and I were discharged the next day, but DH had to go back to work after taking us home - no Family Leave back then. Baby and I watched quite a lot of Barney cartoons with the 4yo and the 2yo over the next few days. DH packed lunches for the kiddos to eat and we all hung out in the living room. No housework of course and things got pretty messy, but one can only do some much after major surgery. In your place, I would plan on not having your DH stay at the hospital after the birth so that the toddler would have someone familiar with him. Two 11yo boys can be lots of help after you deliver - doing all the fetching and carrying the toddler for you at the very least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckles Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 BTDT it's not easy, but it's doable. Let the things that don't matter go while you get better. Does dh have any vacation days? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 If you can't find nobody to help start now planning things. Stock 2weeks of freezer meals so dh doesn't have to cook. Store in easy breakfasts. It might not be the healthiest thing but two weeks of pop tarts and frozen waffles won't kill anyone. The twins should be able to fend for everyone at lunch. They should be able to fetch and carry too. They are also old enough to pick up behind themselves too. Perhaps gate the living room during the day so your toddler can't roam out of sight. I have no advice about the actual birth. Perhaps you can check into mothers helpers or nanny agencies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 DH was there for my last C-section and a few hours after, then he went home and took care of the kids. I had my C-section on Monday morning, Tuesday DH brought the other kids to see us, and I signed myself out on Wednesday morning (OB was reluctant but agreed). Your 11yo's can help with any lifting at home and should be good to watch youngest while you rest with baby, even if it's only while you sleep on the couch. Cook ahead some meals that can be frozen and easily heated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scmama Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I was in a similar situation. My recent child was born by c section, and we have no one up here in SC. All our family was down south, and the c section was not what I had planned...it was emergency. I agree with the other poster, just do what matters, and the rest will be taken care of later. I have to be honest and tell you it's hard. I had 3 other children, ages 14, 11, and 6. My dh worked and was only off for the first four days...unfortunately, my daughter had to stay in the NICU and was there for the first 2 weeks, which helped me heal up. I didn't have to be up and down with her, but I still had no help on household chore...Laundry, dinner and cleaning was still done by me. Where in NC are you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea_lpz Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 My husband took time off through the family leave act both times I had a c-section for 2 weeks when I had my babies. They paid 80% of his typical paycheck and since he didn't commute and we just stayed home we didn't miss it. I didn't have fully around the first time and the second time we just knew we preferred it this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 The advantage to a c-section is that you can schedule it and plan for it. You need your dh there for the birth, but after that I would have him taking care of everyone else. So you could plan to hire a competent sitter (or get your dad) for a scheduled birth. One big disadvantage with a VBAC is not knowing when it is going to happen. Hard to plan or schedule. We don't have family nearby and for my 3rd pregnancy (a VBAC), we had a friend from church agree to watch the other two. Well, she got the call at about midnight to come over! That's kind of hard. The disadvantage to a c-section is that you are not supposed to lift your 20-month old for the first 6 weeks. My oldest dd is disabled and doesn't walk. She was 3 when I had my c-section for number 2 and it was very hard to not be able to carry her--someone else had to be here all the time. My OB did give me permission to start lifting her at my 2-week follow-up based on how I was healing and I had no problems, but c-section recovery was tougher for me and the first few weeks were hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 May I ask if you have had a VBAC after a C-section before? How many C-sections have you had? I am wondering why your doctor is nervous about you having a VBAC. It would be important to know about the incisions from your prior C-section (especially those under the skin). I only have 3 children but my first was a C-section and the other 2 VBAC. I had a midwife with me at the hospital who worked in the doctor's practice. The midwife really helped me. Perhaps that might be an option for you. I think the other ideas of having plenty of meals on hand and perhaps hiring a college student just in case you do have a C-section is a great idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Can the older boys take care of your little one with your dad for the one night? It's hard to leave a little one but often they do well if their siblings are with them. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Do your kids have friends that they could stay with just during the delivery? My son was in the hospital with us shortly after delivery. He just stayed with dh on the couch and if dh left, he went with dh. I guess in your situation I woud just hire a sitter. With a c-section at least you will know it will be during daytime hours and you can plan around it pretty easily. Maybe it isn't your favorite idea, but isn't the end of the world either. After the delivery, have the boys come to the hospital. If your boys need a break, just have dh take them out for a while. While in the hospital, the nurses will be there to help you so if dh goes home at night, it won't be too hard on you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I would consider a postpartum doula. http://americanpregnancy.org/planningandpreparing/postpartumdoula.html 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samm1989 Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 I have no one to help me after or even a ride home from the hospital after I hwve a c section. I have everything I need but I do not have any help at all no friends no family no spouse. Im excited yo be a mom but am I allowed to have no help especially when I have none? Also it embarrassing to tell my Dr. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 (edited) Zombie thread! But I will update it to say that I now have indeed had experience with a c-section, since I commented upthread, and I also had a wonderful VBAC 23 months later. Edited April 15, 2021 by happypamama 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildflowerMom Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 2 hours ago, Samm1989 said: I have no one to help me after or even a ride home from the hospital after I hwve a c section. I have everything I need but I do not have any help at all no friends no family no spouse. Im excited yo be a mom but am I allowed to have no help especially when I have none? Also it embarrassing to tell my Dr. you need to discuss it with your dr. No need at all to be embarrassed! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 2 hours ago, Samm1989 said: I have no one to help me after or even a ride home from the hospital after I hwve a c section. I have everything I need but I do not have any help at all no friends no family no spouse. Im excited yo be a mom but am I allowed to have no help especially when I have none? Also it embarrassing to tell my Dr. If you post your general location someone may have better ideas for you. Is money an issue too? Don't be embarassed to tell your doctor, he might have some good idea about local social programs to help single moms. ❤️ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 47 minutes ago, Seasider too said: Parrothead!!!!! color me shocked til I looked at the dates SAME! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samm1989 Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 This was a planned pregnancy with the person that I was with unfortunately when I got pregnant after 5 years they have come and gone out of my life so the past couple months it really has been on me the whole financial part is not an issue because I did save enough to take care of myself which I am fortunate enough to have done but everything is coming from my end also my location is Pensacola Florida so my question is if I do not have anyone to be there then am I allowed to do it on my own Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildflowerMom Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 2 minutes ago, Samm1989 said: This was a planned pregnancy with the person that I was with unfortunately when I got pregnant after 5 years they have come and gone out of my life so the past couple months it really has been on me the whole financial part is not an issue because I did save enough to take care of myself which I am fortunate enough to have done but everything is coming from my end also my location is Pensacola Florida so my question is if I do not have anyone to be there then am I allowed to do it on my own You mean go home? An Uber can take you home. Yes, they’ll allow you to leave. However, you do really need to discuss it with your doctor. You are certainly not the first woman to return home by herself. There may be services in place for that kind of thing. And really, don’t be embarrassed. Your doctor won’t think anything of it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 do you have a church women's group? could you speak to the leader about asking for help? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 You can try contacting: Alpha Center 6004 Pernella Road, Pensacola, FL 32524 (850) 479-4391 Their website says they provide support to single parents. You can also try: Catholic Charities of Pensacola 1815 N. 6th Avenue, Pensacola, FL 32503 (850) 436-6410 These are pro-life organizations. Best wishes to you! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samm1989 Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 I will look into all of these i kindly appreciate u all.... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 On 1/13/2013 at 6:57 PM, mommyx4 said: I've been posting alot about a repeat csection vs a vbac2 because while the doctor recommended me get the csection I really don't know what I"m going to do about my other kids. My last csection was about 20 months ago and we had great friends that watched our two boys for 5 days. They were wonderful and very close to us, but have since moved away. This sounds so bad, but we *invested* all of our friendship time with this family, so consequently we don't have any close friends now. I was willing to try for the vbac because if successful, I could be out of the hospital in 4 hours and I wouldn't have to worry about what to do with my other children. But, if not, obviously I'll be in for much longer(and could be in for a very long time if there were complications). My husband is scared to death of me trying for a vbac and really I'm a little scared too, but feel like I should for my other kids sake. I'm not worried about my older kids(I have twin 11 yr old boys) I feel like I could find someone to watch them, but my 20 month old...I'm so worried about what to do with him. If I schedule the csection and make it until that date, I would love for my husband to be there at least the first night with me, but I don't know who to ask to watch him. He's so young and he's never been without us for more that 2 hours. My dad just moved here and he could *maybe* help a little bit, but he's not very kid friendly and he does work full time. Have you ever been in this situation? No family around and having a baby? Our extended family isn't any help. My father in law passed away. My mother in law lives in another state and is in a wheelchair. Unfortunately, my mother no longer speaks to me so she can't help(and wouldn't help even if I begged). What do I do? We moved twice to areas where we knew no one. We worked hard to get to know people because we didn’t have family near. In 2001, we had our daughter prematurely before we’d gotten to know people well. If it hadn’t been a military base where people live and breathe support, it could have been worse than it was. You might need to use a drop in daycare provider? Get to know someone. Can a family member come? Our fourth child was a c-section. The next eight were fantastic vbacs. I’d try hard for the vbac. Truly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted April 17, 2021 Share Posted April 17, 2021 You and your husband may have to divide and conquer the post-delivery work; that's what we did when I had my C-sections, because we had no family nearby at all. That meant I was on my own while he went to work, except for the few days he took off immediately after I got home. Heavy chores, grocery shopping, etc had to wait for him to be home. For the delivery, I would hire a college student well in advance, with good references, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.