laughing lioness Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Our dd is engaged. She let us know via mass txt msg. Nice. DD (the one engaged to the xeno bf) said some flippant things to my 96 yo Gram, pushing her delicate balance of reality (I am her granddd, not her dd (my Mom) over the edge. I am her only living, in country kin and I love this woman. She barely talked to me today-this makes me more sad than the stooopid engagement. Seriously sad. Cause she was my link to reality as a child and now she thinks I'm trying to get her $. My inner child is having a serious crisis. And wants chocolate, and beer. Suburban dead. Had to borrow a car to get home. Lost $120 in cash. Filled out PDF file 3 x's; can't save it or send it w/o paying a $20 fee even though the place I'm trying to send it to demands that it be sent electronically- forcing me to pay the dang $20 fee. I ate an entire apple fritter today. argh! (12 yo said it was better than cigarettes and beer :lol:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kfamily Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 I'm sorry, Lisa. Kids that age are often so self absorbed. I hope that you can reassure your Grandma of your love for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Our dd is engaged. She let us know via mass txt msg. Nice. DD (the one engaged to the xeno bf) said some flippant things to my 96 yo Gram, pushing her delicate balance of reality (I am her granddd, not her dd (my Mom) over the edge. I am her only living, in country kin and I love this woman. She barely talked to me today-this makes me more sad than the stooopid engagement. Seriously sad. Cause she was my link to reality as a child and now she thinks I'm trying to get her $. My inner child is having a serious crisis. And wants chocolate, and beer. Suburban dead. Had to borrow a car to get home. Lost $120 in cash. Filled out PDF file 3 x's; can't save it or send it w/o paying a $20 fee even though the place I'm trying to send it to demands that it be sent electronically- forcing me to pay the dang $20 fee. I ate an entire apple fritter today. argh! (12 yo said it was better than cigarettes and beer :lol:) Wow, you did have a really bad day, didn't you? I'm so sorry. Text message, really? Arrgh. Young people today (shakes cane violently!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Sending hugs, virtual chocolate and wishes for a better day. Sigh. Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nscribe Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Time for a trip to Australia? ;) Hope today brings better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Unfortunately, I'm sure the Australian half of the hive will tell you that young adults are the same there. It is a selfish age, but really... Lots of hugs. And vitual chocolate and whatever else you crave. Honestly, that apple fritter may make you feel yucky but really it shows you have monumental restraint. Nan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy in Richmond Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: It's a tough age indeed. One of my son's friends (age 24), who's always been a very nice and well-balanced kid, now works out of state & recently met a woman through online dating. His parents found out about the wedding AFTER the fact.:001_huh: They were devastated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joan in GE Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 She barely talked to me today-this makes me more sad than the stooopid engagement. Seriously sad. Cause she was my link to reality as a child and now she thinks I'm trying to get her $. It can be extremely difficult with elderly people because they can get very suspicious, can't always hear well enough to really understand the facts, or just can't grasp them because their brain is no longer thinking so clearly....it is so hard - and even harder when it is a relative that you value so much....I'm listening to some lectures on Ecclesiastes that are really excellent and might help you - PM me if you want the link.... Joan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bugs Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: (is it too early for the chocolate and beer? how 'bout a mindlessly funny movie?). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug: You really did have a bad day! Hoping things are better today! Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Hugs. I am sending you a virtual bag of chocolate truffles. And congratulations on taking our your feelings on an apple fritter rather than yelling at your dd. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sure you could have handled those things separately since I know you are strong. BUT, that was too much at once. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 Thanks for the support and understanding. Problem now- 2 days later dd still hasn't called us. she's posting pics all over FB and getting best wishes from everyone. The new protocol? Just join the party anyone and act like you're happy? Both dd and bf have dissed us (not the first time, but the most important). So, what next? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhudson Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 I am so sorry. I hope your dd comes to her senses soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjmw1 Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Awww... hope your day gets better! Or at least that you have a better day tomorrow! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Thanks for the support and understanding. Problem now- 2 days later dd still hasn't called us. she's posting pics all over FB and getting best wishes from everyone. The new protocol? Just join the party anyone and act like you're happy? Both dd and bf have dissed us (not the first time, but the most important). So, what next? I would call and ask "how's the weather?" type questions. That way you can acknowledge her engagement and try to keep your relationship intact. My mom had a hard time containing her hurt which made us not want to call. When my own dd called to tell me her big news, I tried to remain calm and ask factual questions like: Have you been to the doctor? What did the doctor say? Are you feeling sick yet? etc. I couldn't really express joy at the moment but I tried to remain calm and accepting. Best of luck :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Oh, Lisa, I am so sorry. I have no words. (((Lisa))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you feel. I had a friend whose ds eloped in the middle of a semester and posted it on Facebook as his way of telling everyone. It broke my heart for her. Parenting adult children can have incredibly tough moments. Give me toddler days anytime. When they are older, the issues just become more serious and life-changing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 O.k. We sent her and bf flowers saying "Congrats! Love, fam"- Trying to rise above petty immaturity. sigh. And I was just getting over my fire/funeral induced mid-life crisis.... Thanks to each of your for the understanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 O.k. We sent her and bf flowers saying "Congrats! Love, fam"- Trying to rise above petty immaturity. sigh. And I was just getting over my fire/funeral induced mid-life crisis....Thanks to each of your for the understanding. Lisa, that was a gracious and thoughtful way to handle what is a very difficult and painful situation. I agree with Nan that the apple fritter was a sign of great restraint and I love the fact that you can still find humor in all of this. :grouphug: Hoping everything gets much better soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 That just stinks... I'm really sorry :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Our dd is engaged. She let us know via mass txt msg. Nice. DD (the one engaged to the xeno bf) said some flippant things to my 96 yo Gram, pushing her delicate balance of reality (I am her granddd, not her dd (my Mom) over the edge. I am her only living, in country kin and I love this woman. She barely talked to me today-this makes me more sad than the stooopid engagement. Seriously sad. Cause she was my link to reality as a child and now she thinks I'm trying to get her $. My inner child is having a serious crisis. And wants chocolate, and beer. Suburban dead. Had to borrow a car to get home. Lost $120 in cash. Filled out PDF file 3 x's; can't save it or send it w/o paying a $20 fee even though the place I'm trying to send it to demands that it be sent electronically- forcing me to pay the dang $20 fee. I ate an entire apple fritter today. argh! (12 yo said it was better than cigarettes and beer :lol:) :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Sorry to hear that & I see I'm late. You've done the right thing by sending the flowers. It's so hard when young adults are so self absorbed. I hope you can smooth things over with your grandmother. I also hope your car gets better, am glad you chose the fritter over cigarettes & beer and hope that your body just ignores those extra calories :). Time for a trip to Australia? ;) My mother says that some days are like that, even in Australia. (One of my all time favourite read alouds with my dc.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 Thanks for the support and understanding. Problem now- 2 days later dd still hasn't called us. she's posting pics all over FB and getting best wishes from everyone. The new protocol? Just join the party anyone and act like you're happy? Both dd and bf have dissed us (not the first time, but the most important). So, what next? Oh dear. The age of social media makes these things even more worse. :glare: I hope your relationship with your Grandmother is doing better. I find as people age, these $$ pop up often as a marker or test of family love or loyalty. Strange. But I have seen this before. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 O.k. We sent her and bf flowers saying "Congrats! Love, fam"- Trying to rise above petty immaturity. sigh. And I was just getting over my fire/funeral induced mid-life crisis....Thanks to each of your for the understanding. Lisa, what a beautiful way to handle it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
74Heaven Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Great response, Lisa. I feel your pain - I am actually fearfully waiting for such a (non)event to occur with my 20yodd. Sending Dark chocolate because it sure makes me feel better :0). Lisaj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journey00 Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 YUCK!!! I'm sorry. On the bright side, you only ate 1 apple fritter! I would of eaten a dozen! BIG HUG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 The week got worse. If you pray I would appreciate prayers for my family and dd. I think the body snatchers sucked her brain out. nk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 The week got worse. If you pray I would appreciate prayers for my family and dd. I think the body snatchers sucked her brain out. nk. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Praying. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 The week got worse. If you pray I would appreciate prayers for my family and dd. I think the body snatchers sucked her brain out. nk. :grouphug: I am praying for you. Having young adult kids is absolutely terrifying. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 :grouphug: And praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 I am so sick of people telling me I need to "let go." this is not a matter of my being enmeshed, having my way or being a control freak. My concerns as a parent don't have to do with having puppets for kids. Thank-you all for NOT patronizing me with such trite sayings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 The week got worse. If you pray I would appreciate prayers for my family and dd. I think the body snatchers sucked her brain out. nk. :grouphug: Wish I had some words of wisdom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 The week got worse. If you pray I would appreciate prayers for my family and dd. I think the body snatchers sucked her brain out. nk. :grouphug::grouphug: I'm praying your family and dd now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I am so sick of people telling me I need to "let go." this is not a matter of my being enmeshed, having my way or being a control freak. My concerns as a parent don't have to do with having puppets for kids. Thank-you all for NOT patronizing me with such trite sayings. :iagree: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeaTotaler Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 So sorry you are going through this. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I am so sick of people telling me I need to "let go." this is not a matter of my being enmeshed, having my way or being a control freak. My concerns as a parent don't have to do with having puppets for kids. Thank-you all for NOT patronizing me with such trite sayings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 Thanks so much for the kindness and warmth! Brief update: I am totally at peace about the whole thing. Partly because dh and dd had a really HARD conversation- the likes of which were mortifying but at least dd has "declared" herself. The attitudes, comments, etc over the past 3 yrs finally make sense. This really isn't about me/us/our choices/how she was raised. This is about her and the values that she is chosing. I don't like them. I walked away from them 30 years ago. I am grieved. And I will make hard choices in response to them because of my own past. I think we are in for more heartache, but I feel prepared for it instead of constantly blindsided by it. thanks, dear friends- again :001_smile:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 :grouphug: (((Lisa))) Thanks for posting. I'm so sorry. I am glad your DH and your dd had that talk and you can see that it's not about you. Still, a broken heart is a terrible thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry you had such a rotten day. Hive hugs really do help. I should know; I had a horrible day a week or so ago and the virtual hugs I got here were just what I needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 Thanks so much for the kindness and warmth! Brief update: I am totally at peace about the whole thing. Partly because dh and dd had a really HARD conversation- the likes of which were mortifying but at least dd has "declared" herself. The attitudes, comments, etc over the past 3 yrs finally make sense. This really isn't about me/us/our choices/how she was raised. This is about her and the values that she is chosing. I don't like them. I walked away from them 30 years ago. I am grieved. And I will make hard choices in response to them because of my own past. I think we are in for more heartache, but I feel prepared for it instead of constantly blindsided by it. thanks, dear friends- again :001_smile:. One day she'll probably choose to walk away from them too, and you'll be there for her. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 Thanks so much for the kindness and warmth! Brief update: I am totally at peace about the whole thing. Partly because dh and dd had a really HARD conversation- the likes of which were mortifying but at least dd has "declared" herself. The attitudes, comments, etc over the past 3 yrs finally make sense. This really isn't about me/us/our choices/how she was raised. This is about her and the values that she is chosing. I don't like them. I walked away from them 30 years ago. I am grieved. And I will make hard choices in response to them because of my own past. I think we are in for more heartache, but I feel prepared for it instead of constantly blindsided by it. thanks, dear friends- again :001_smile:. :grouphug: I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 O.k. We sent her and bf flowers saying "Congrats! Love, fam"- Trying to rise above petty immaturity. sigh. And I was just getting over my fire/funeral induced mid-life crisis....Thanks to each of your for the understanding. I think you did good. I think it helps to have outward shows of love and support, even when inwardly we are hurting. I think you did good doing this, it will help keep your relationship going. I am so sorry, hugs. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 Dear Lisa, Just sending you a hug today. When times get tough for me, I focus on putting one foot in front of the other, baby-steps instead of the big picture. The latter is overwhelming, the former is doable. I also recommend sock knitting as therapy. Keep those tootsies warm while taking baby steps. ;) Hugs, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 More hugs, Lisa. Adult children are heartbreaking. They just are. They are for almost everyone, but it hurts so deeply that most people can't talk about it. Besides, each situation has its own twist and involves adults other than the parents, making talking about it seem useless. Every once in awhile, a generous person will see that you are hurting and somehow be able to reach past their own hurt to tell you you aren't alone, but that is rare, at least where I live. Rare but a huge relief when it happens. I hope there are some people in your real life as well as the generous ones in your virtual life who offer you that comfort, but if there aren't, look around you and know that most of the parents you see have similar griefs. Your flower gesture was beautiful. May we all be as gracious and may that graciousness carry us through our own troubles. Nan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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