somo_chickenlady Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 (edited) We moved from Omaha, NE to near Branson, MO about 18 months ago. We know zero people here. I am a SAHM, and we have only had one working vehicle since a month after moving in when our second vehicle died (we can't afford to buy a new one). My DH works about 45 minutes from here, so he uses the car since it would be a waste of gas for me to drive him to work and pick him up. Besides, even if I did that, the nearest place to go shopping or do anything is 45 minutes away. DH needs to be to work by 6am, so I couldn't just do stuff right after I drop him off, and we couldn't afford the extra money for gas anyway. DH has no problem with me borrowing the car if I really needed to, but it couldn't be a frequent thing. DH tries his best to get me out of the house. We have a date night in Branson every Wednesday evening from 6-8:30pm while DS is at youth group at church, and we are out doing our weekly shopping during most of the day on Saturdays, then church on Sunday morning. Even still, I get severely lonely during the week while DH is at work. The only people we have really met are one of our neighbors who lives 1/4 mile down our road (we live in a VERY rural area), and that is only b/c they came and introduced themselves the day we moved in. I have really bad social anxiety, though, almost paralyzingly, and it takes me a long time to get comfortable around most people. (Most of my socializing is done online b/c I have no problem with that, obviously. haha!!) It is especially bad around other shy people, although if someone is SUPER outgoing and willing to do most of the talking at least at first then I have no problem warming up. This neighbor woman is really quiet also, so most of the time we just sat there in silence. haha! She acted like I was being a snobby "city girl" and stopped asking me to do stuff with her. *sigh* Otherwise I don't know anyone else here. We do go to church. It is a 'low end of moderate' sized church, but they don't really have any social activities or groups for some reason. We really like it there, and have met a couple people, but only running into them once or twice a month is not conducive to me getting comfortable with them. I have no idea how to meet friends. I would be open to any suggestions. Since we started homeschooling this year my loneliness has been better b/c I have DS to talk to all day long, but I would still like some grown up interaction and talk every once in a while. I can only handle so much Pokemon. lol Edited September 24, 2012 by somo_chickenlady Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 It might be silly, but I have business cards with my name, email, and phone. When I run into someone in line or at the park or whatever who seems to be the sort of person I click with, I give them my card so we can set up future play dates or go grab a cup of coffee or whatever. More often than not they offer their info in exchange. We move - a LOT. Finding new habits to get into and joining a group usually helps. I've signed up for book clubs and wives' groups in the past so I have an opportunity to meet people, and more importantly, to get out of the house once a week or so! But more importantly it doesn't put me in the spotlight right off. I can pick one or two to invite over for one on one chat if I like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 When we moved to england I did the business cards too. People didn't always use them but they did keep them and use them after seeing us a second time. It was a year before we really even attempted to meet many people. We "knew" a few at church but just to chat with. I would make an effort to find one group to join. I would probably pick something that your son can go to also. My kids provide a great conversation opening. Which are yours and how old? After church is there a nearby park? Could you invite another family to join you there for a picnic the next week. Keep it pretty simple. Also is the youth group drop and go or do a few parents hang out in a different part of the church? It might be a good time to get something going there -- bible study, craft group.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Church is the big one for me. We have a very active church, with lots of groups and things to do. When we first moved here, one of the ladies invited me to a mom's night out. It was really fun, and I made plans to start walking with two of the moms. After about 3 months, I invited them to do a Cursillo-style group reunion with me. We shared things of the heart for several years, almost every week. I find being willing to take the risk and share, and allowing others to do the same, makes you very close. I'd look into getting a group together at church. You could find someone to help you so you wouldn't be stuck. Start small. Find common interests, and seek the help of your minister. Others probably want connection, too. It may take some trial and error, but that's ok. Social anxiety can be helped thru therapy and sometimes diet/exercise/supplements/meds can be the way to go. Gently, FWIW, I wouldn't just accept it as "the way I am." I'd try to do something about it, since you feel it is interfering with your ability to make a happy life. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 I move a lot. I make friends with homeschooling moms, people at church, book club members- (Here)one is a community mystery book club, the other a military spouse book club. At church, I make friends through Adult Sunday School classes, fellowship times, and volunteering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 I like monthly town/community meetings. I get to keep up on what's going on, and I get to hear what different people think about different issues, which is great for conversation starters. Of course, that also led to my love/hate relationship with my volunteer position, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamajudy Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Does your church have a choir? Do you sing? Our church choir is like a family. We really get to know each other and develop close friendships while singing praises to our Lord. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Invite people to your house after church. A friend told me once to look for others that are new to the area or to an organization because they are looking for friends too. I would try and save the money and use the car one day a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mosaicmind Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 I know how you feel. We moved from IN after living there for 12yrs to KY in June. We attend a church here and on of our sons plays on the highschool soccer team. But, the people here are NOT friendly despite what we had been told. If you didn't grow up here or have family here then they don't talk to you. We have invited people over and tried to ask to have a small group from church meet here but no luck. Literally no one says hi or asks us who we are at church. Our kids are having the same problem, in fact two of my kids are now extremely depressed and I am worried. I have tried all the suggestions on here but because we are so new no one trusts us or wants to let us into their "click". I have talked to another person who moved here 3yrs ago and she said that her and her dh have 1 couple for friends and that is it. She still does not go out for lunch or talk on the phone with anyone here. They are actually looking to move and wished they had never moved here. They heard after they moved here that this town was a "good ole boy" club and it's hard to connect here. I sit at home everyday and do school with the boys, clean, do laundry and cook. My free time is spent on the computer and watching tv. Needless to say, I wish we had never moved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinsfamily Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 (edited) I understand what you're going through. We moved every two years or less for the first 10 yrs of our marriage. Some places were easier to make friends than others. Often it had to do with how well we fit in to the culture and the location of our house. Church is a big way we make friends. We serve at our church, attend study groups, and a small group. It would be tough with only one car, but most of the service opportunities take place on Sunday when we are there anyway and small group was together as a family. Living near the church is helpful. In our last city, we lived 45 minutes away and it was tough to make weekday events even with my own car. Now we live across the street and can walk. We also made friends quickly in our neighborhood just by being outside to ride bikes or talk with neighbors while their dc are out. That is seasonal as no one hangs outside here in the summer. Our neighborhood has a community pool which is a great place to meet friends. We have a lot of friends through sports, but it is harder. We are usually more focused on our dc than socializing. Most of our sports friends are also neighborhood friends. Edited September 24, 2012 by Dinsfamily Fixing odd autocorrections Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 We have moved a lot and here is how I make friends... first, join any homeschool groups(yahoo, google, or website for local group) and go to as much as you can. In the beginning you get out there and meet up with anyone who shows interest. Don't say no to any invite. I went to park days, fields trips, and mom's meetings to meet new people. Second, if you do church, start visiting them. I actually met three women our last move that all went to the same mega church. And while we don't normally prefer a large church I went since I knew some people there and found it to be a good fit since so many home schoolers went there as well. We have since moved and are back in a small church but ask around and you may find the larger church to be a good source of home school friends. Third, create it. I wanted a set park time with other kids so I started a weekly PE group. I started with 10 other families and we grew from there. People will come if you plan it. Also, ask on the local groups for kids your ages. Anytime I see a new person post who has the same ages/genders as my kids I email them and try to get to meet them. Honestly, some areas are easier to meet people than others. And if you have no car to get to people it will be harder. You may want to drive your dh one day a week just to have the car access. You didn't say if your kids do activities but if they do, make a point to ask the kids names they like and find the parents and ask to get together. I have found making friends takes work but it's worth it. Right now we are blessed with friends that I also like the mom. I have some friends with no kids my kids ages but I see them less. So you have to really work at finding the right family to fit everyone's needs. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Well, I'm LDS, so we immediately have an entire ward of instant friends whenever we move. It's really nice. Are you involved with a church (you mentioned youth group for your son). I would think that would be the best way to meet friends who share your interests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 first, join any homeschool groups(yahoo, google, or website for local group) and go to as much as you can. In the beginning you get out there and meet up with anyone who shows interest. Don't say no to any invite. I went to park days, fields trips, and mom's meetings to meet new people. Join homeschool groups, drive your dh to/from work if you must, once or twice a week. It's a drive, but to be stuck at home all week, every week, means you don't get to meet people, make friends, and neither do your kids. See if your dh can form a carpool. Second, if you do church, start visiting them. I actually met three women our last move that all went to the same mega church. And while we don't normally prefer a large church I went since I knew some people there and found it to be a good fit since so many home schoolers went there as well. We have since moved and are back in a small church but ask around and you may find the larger church to be a good source of home school friends. Third, create it. I wanted a set park time with other kids so I started a weekly PE group. I started with 10 other families and we grew from there. People will come if you plan it. Also, ask on the local groups for kids your ages. Anytime I see a new person post who has the same ages/genders as my kids I email them and try to get to meet them. I create groups, advertise them through a local homeschool yahoo group, and voila, have a group that is doing something my kids like to do. Honestly, some areas are easier to meet people than others. And if you have no car to get to people it will be harder. You may want to drive your dh one day a week just to have the car access. You didn't say if your kids do activities but if they do, make a point to ask the kids names they like and find the parents and ask to get together. I have found making friends takes work but it's worth it. Right now we are blessed with friends that I also like the mom. I have some friends with no kids my kids ages but I see them less. So you have to really work at finding the right family to fit everyone's needs. :grouphug: See above in purple. It takes work to meet people and make friends. If you want it for yourself and your children, you will have to take the necessary measures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 (edited) Through support groups, homeschool groups, my activities, kid activities, church, homeschool groups, etc. The key is regularly interacting with a group until you meet some people with whom you click. Not having access to a car is going to make that regular interaction really hard. I agree with the others that driving your dh a couple of days a week, him finding a car pool, something like that would be really helpful. eta: For what it's worth? All of the homeschoolers I have known who went a significant amount of time without activities (due to money, transportation, etc) wound up putting their kids back in school. Having a social support system is an important part of a homeschool venture, imo. Edited September 24, 2012 by Mrs Mungo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mélie Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 When we moved from England to Canada in 2011, I literally had a group of friends within a month. I met people in the neighborhood, at church, through Dh's work and even at the grocery store. Since we moved to Texas last January, I haven't made a friend. I'm friendly with a few mothers in our neighborhood, but no one seems to want to connect beyond that. It's disheartening, but it really does depend on where you are and on dumb luck. What is your son interested in? If there's a sport he's interested in, you could hang around and meet the other parents. Does your husband have any friends at work? Could you invite one and his wife over for dinner or to go out while your son is at youth group? :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 We lived for over five years in a new location with only one car. I also couldn't manage the drive DH to work scenario accept for rare occasions. I looked for things I could do in the evening when he was home. I also started two different ladies groups that met at night and were not affiliated with any particular church. These helped a lot. It probably seems very hard to think of starting a group when you mentioned it takes you a long time to warm up. It is very hard- it takes a lot of courage. I think you have to consider your alternatives and be at peace with whatever decision you make. Rebecca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 :lol::lol: Not easily! My one real friend here I met through a woman that works in the local hfs. She knew I homeschooled and she had a friend with kids and similar interests. I meet acquaintances at the kids' sports and I'm starting to meet people at co-op. but it's hard being new in a little town. I have tried starting groups, but nobody comes or is interested. Maybe if it was a bigger area... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Making friends is not easy. Whenever we move, I assume that I will need to meet at least 100 women to find one friend. Sad, but I think it's somewhat true. We live in a very rural area, and we've Ben here for 3.5 years. I have one woman I would consider a friend, and she's just now to that point. I have a handful of other ladies who may get there, but it takes a lot of time and a lot of contact points to move from acquaintence to friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 You are up against so much! 1. Nearest neighbor 1/4 mile away 2. No car 3. No money 4. Shy :grouphug: Can you be content with online friendships only? I can tell you about meeting the friendliest person in the world. She is the wife of one of my husband's former partners. When she first moved to town, her first words to me were, "Hi, I'm Beverly and I have no friends. Will you be my friend?" She said this with childlike innocense. Up until that time, I really didn't have any close friends either as we were fairly new to town too. I responded with, "yes, I will be your friend." Each day Beverly would call to tell me she met a lady from so and so and she was joining our coffee club. Within a month we had about 15 ladies meeting regularly at the local coffee house. By the next month, there were 30. All these women, over time, developed a coffee house history and everyone became friends. I learned a lot from Beverly. And when we moved to Florida it took about 2 years to feel really settled with more than a handful of friends. But everytime I'm in a new place, I say, "Hi, I'm Minnie and I have no friends. Will you be my friend?" :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 That does sound like a very difficult situation. Whenever we have moved I have generally met new people through work, playgrounds, kids' activities, our synagogue, and the neighborhood, but I have never lived in a rural area, much less in a rural area without transportation. Could you invite a family from church over for dinner one evening? Or a weekend lunch? Does your husband perhaps have work colleagues he'd be interested in having over for a meal? It has been my experience that inviting someone to your house can make all the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Take a plate of cookies to neighbour lady and tell her you're not a snob, you just look like one because of your social anxiety. Honesty is the best policy. :lol: Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 eta: For what it's worth? All of the homeschoolers I have known who went a significant amount of time without activities (due to money, transportation, etc) wound up putting their kids back in school. Having a social support system is an important part of a homeschool venture, imo. I've seen the same thing... find a way to get out. Again, get dh to carpool and/or drive him to work sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 I made friends here by joining a babywearing group and a homeschool support group and then just jumped right in. It's hard, but it helps if you get to know one person and talk to them at events; then you get to know more people bit by bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted September 24, 2012 Author Share Posted September 24, 2012 I know how you feel. We moved from IN after living there for 12yrs to KY in June. We attend a church here and on of our sons plays on the highschool soccer team. But, the people here are NOT friendly despite what we had been told. If you didn't grow up here or have family here then they don't talk to you. We have invited people over and tried to ask to have a small group from church meet here but no luck. Literally no one says hi or asks us who we are at church. Our kids are having the same problem, in fact two of my kids are now extremely depressed and I am worried. I have tried all the suggestions on here but because we are so new no one trusts us or wants to let us into their "click". I have talked to another person who moved here 3yrs ago and she said that her and her dh have 1 couple for friends and that is it. She still does not go out for lunch or talk on the phone with anyone here. They are actually looking to move and wished they had never moved here. They heard after they moved here that this town was a "good ole boy" club and it's hard to connect here. I sit at home everyday and do school with the boys, clean, do laundry and cook. My free time is spent on the computer and watching tv. Needless to say, I wish we had never moved. This is exactly how it is here, word for word. It makes it REALLY hard to make friends b/c they have zero tolerance for new people here. I also wish we had never moved here. As for our church, they do have small groups. We started attending that church over a year ago, and we have asked multiple times from the very beginning to join a small group, and they keep just brushing us off. :( All of the people at DH's work are in their 60's and over, and we are in our mid 30's. His supervisor is really nice, he is actually the one that told us about our church b/c he goes there. We talk to him and his wife every week after service, but DH doesn't want to blur that work and personal life boundary since he is DH's supervisor. Kwim? As far as the possibility of not continuing homeschooling, we don't plan to do this until he graduates. We are doing it b/c we aren't happy with the public school he was in. We plan to be moved to a different state, in a more populated area, at least by the start of the next school year, so we will put him back in public school at that time. We only have to hold out until we move. ;) As far as getting help for my social anxiety, I have been working really hard at approaching strangers and/or talking to people more. Just this weekend, I spoke to a stranger about a product at the grocery store, and that is a BIG DEAL for me. I usually freeze around strangers, and I spoke to her first. Even my DH was impressed. I have found a couple homeschooling groups in the area on Facebook, but one of them doesn't really seem to meet at all (they are having a get together at a pumpkin patch next week, but we will be out of town *sigh*), and the other one is over an hour drive one way, and they require frequent participation to join and stay a member, and I can't commit to that. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Look on meetup dot com and see if there is something in your area you may be interested in- a stay at home mom's group, a homeschooling group, or something interest based like a book club or knitting group. Maybe once a week you can use the car even. Maybe your library has things going on there. Or maybe you can volunteer somewhere- daycare, nursing home, environmental... Once when we lived in a gated community in the poconos that had its own message board type thing we posted asking if other couples wanted to get together some evenings to play cards or board games and had a few couples respond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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