Facebook wars

[shanvan]

I hope this was not part of the other huge cupcake thread, which I did not read in its entirety.

 

I have not yet shut down my facebook page, but I'm pretty sure it's in my future.

 

Let me first say, I like cupcakes. :001_smile: But, every time I check my page there are what I can only call a series of cupcake competition posts. One particular mom posts her most creative cupcakes that took her hours to create and required all kinds of steps and many many more ingredients than I have patience for (spoken as a baker who likes to actually taste any type of cake I'm making). They are for her Ds's class. Next we have another mom who just can't be outdone and has to post her photos of the cupcakes she made for Dd's class a week ago. Then another mom posts and another. I feel like these people are living the cupcake wars and don't understand why their worth is so wrapped up in who made the best most unique cupcakes for their Dd or Ds's class.

 

Just one of the reasons why I'm planning on getting off Facebook. Does anyone else encounter this strange phenomena?

 

 

Edited August 29, 2012 by shanvan

[JessReplanted]

No, I haven't seen that, but I can imagine that it would completely crack me up. I'd be tempted to post a picture of my own (hideous) cupcake and write: Nailed it! :lol: (My humor is a little twisted, I know.)

[Dory]

I tend to make it so that I don't see posts from friends like that. If I un friend them that seems rude, so I just change the setting so that I don't have to see their petty posts. Those of my friends that are actually just trying to stay in touch with people that they care about, and are sharing tasteful meaningful parts of their life, well I make sure I can see and share with them as much as possible.

[dangermom]

Wow, that's pretty weird. I do have a couple of friends who like to make cupcakes but I've never been witness to a full-blown cupcake arms race. That would be pretty entertaining to watch, in a horrible sort of way. You should post something about Mutually Assured Cupcake Destruction...

 

My solution would indeed be to hide those people if I just couldn't take it any more.

[Ibbygirl]

That sounds like "mommy wars" and it's not limited to FB in my experience.

[Ibbygirl]

No, I haven't seen that, but I can imagine that it would completely crack me up. I'd be tempted to post a picture of my own (hideous) cupcake and write: Nailed it! :lol: (My humor is a little twisted, I know.)

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[Mandylubug]

no cupcake wars over here but plenty of "YAY my kid made green (good behavior) three days in a row.. I am SOOO proud!" then another "My child is student of the month! I am SO proud.." (only been in school for two weeks :/ ) "My child's teacher said at open house that my son is the most artistic!"

 

I just wanna post "blah blah blah yay for celebrating the norm as the superb!"

[Murphy101]

Idk. Friends tends to have things in common. Things like enjoying baking maybe.

 

If these are really friends, it might just be some new thing they are having fun sharing an interest in.

 

If these are not really friends, then that's odd, but the problem isn't FB - it's that they aren't actual friends.

 

I post stuff we are doing in home schooling. So do some of my other friends. It's not a competition though.

 

Is it possible that you are the one seeing a competition where there isn't one?

[Murphy101]

No, I haven't seen that, but I can imagine that it would completely crack me up. I'd be tempted to post a picture of my own (hideous) cupcake and write: Nailed it! :lol: (My humor is a little twisted, I know.)

 

:lol: That doesn't even seem twisted to me!:tongue_smilie:

[shanvan]

Idk. Friends tends to have things in common. Things like enjoying baking maybe.

 

If these are really friends, it might just be some new thing they are having fun sharing an interest in.

 

If these are not really friends, then that's odd, but the problem isn't FB - it's that they aren't actual friends.

 

I post stuff we are doing in home schooling. So do some of my other friends. It's not a competition though.

 

Is it possible that you are the one seeing a competition where there isn't one?

 

I think you'd have to see the posts & cupcakes to understand. Some of the posts are friends of a friend and I only see them b/c they are commenting on her post.

[GWOB]

Not cupcakes necessarily, but yep, I see battles in the mommy wars all the time. I think my siggy explains how I feel about that one. :glare:

[shanvan]

Not cupcakes necessarily, but yep, I see battles in the mommy wars all the time. I think my siggy explains how I feel about that one. :glare:

 

I like your signature! I stopped posting if my kids won at dog shows and 4H competitions quite some time ago. I was encouraging the competition. I notice most of the posts are all about who won what or what great achievement Ds or Dd reached. I'm truly happy for kids who attain their goals, but I hate seeing them used as a competition.

[Murphy101]

I like your signature! I stopped posting if my kids won at dog shows and 4H competitions quite some time ago. I was encouraging the competition. I notice most of the posts are all about who won what or what great achievement Ds or Dd reached. I'm truly happy for kids who attain their goals, but I hate seeing them used as a competition.

 

I'd hate seeing them used that way too.

 

I post stuff about my kids all the time. Cute stuff they say, art work, whatever. It's not a competition. It's us living life and sharing it with friends.

 

So again, I suggest the problem here is not FB, but the caliber of friendship going on there. I'm sorta picky about my friends list because I'm not looking to play an social politics games with people like that.

 

So I vote for unfriending!

[shanvan]

I'd hate seeing them used that way too.

 

I post stuff about my kids all the time. Cute stuff they say, art work, whatever. It's not a competition. It's us living life and sharing it with friends.

 

So again, I suggest the problem here is not FB, but the caliber of friendship going on there. I'm sorta picky about my friends list because I'm not looking to play an social politics games with people like that.

 

So I vote for unfriending!

 

Trouble is with one of the 4H groups we used to belong to. They sent out a lot of info via facebook (which I hated btw). That is why I started a page in the first place. We kinda see those people at big 4H events b/c the kids are still in 4H--just a different club. I don't want to offend those people. At this point, it's just going to be easier to close down my page, and that's what I want to do anyway.

 

The cupcake posting mom is my neighbor. It is her 'friends' who engage in the cupcake wars with her. And, I think you are right. They aren't really friends.

[momacacia]

What I would wanna know is, do these cupcakes actually TASTE good?! Sure, they might be real perty, but might also taste like cardboard. Like the cupcakes at Whole Foods. Real perty cardboard. That's all I have to say about cupcake wars. ;)

[MrsBasil]

I haven't encountered anything like this on FB at all. Or really in real life.

 

I've had a couple wacky mommy wars conversations at Wal-Mart. Those were with strangers though.

 

If it's just a specific group of people who are ruining it for you, could you block them and create a custom friends list so that you don't see their updates and they don't see yours? If you enjoy FB that is.

[KungFuPanda]

I'm a picture poster. I'm very visual, so I LIKE when people post photos . . . especially of food. Also, if you don't other with the captions it's almost impossible for someone to take a photo the wrong way.

 

As you can see from my avatar and siggy, I am pro-cupcake BUT don't your FB friends know that cupcakes are SOOOOO three years ago. Macaroons are all the rage now. They need to keep up!

 

[Catwoman]

That sounds like "mommy wars" and it's not limited to FB in my experience.

 

I have a zero tolerance level for that sort of thing. Go one-up each other, Crazy Competitive Moms, and leave me out of it.

[Snickerdoodle]

No, I haven't seen that, but I can imagine that it would completely crack me up. I'd be tempted to post a picture of my own (hideous) cupcake and write: Nailed it! :lol: (My humor is a little twisted, I know.)

 

I LOVE this. :D

[Laurie4b]

How do you know it's competition and not just people who are all "into" the same thing? (genuine question--maybe the "comments" section makes it clear?)

[extendedforecast]

What I would wanna know is, do these cupcakes actually TASTE good?! Sure, they might be real perty, but might also taste like cardboard. Like the cupcakes at Whole Foods. Real perty cardboard. That's all I have to say about cupcake wars. ;)

 

Very true. I have (had?) a friend who always posts things that make her look like supermom. And she gets lots of comments about how awesome and dedicated she is, blah, blah, blah. So one day she posts pics of these amazing cupcakes that she made for a club our kids were in. Later that night at the club gathering, my dd comes to me with the cupcake and tells me that she can't eat it because there is too much egg shell in the cupcake. :lol: She did t want to throw it away because she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So I ended up eating them. They were okay if it weren't for the random shell bits, lol. I finally concluded that my friend was doing a nice thing, and if she needed validation from others, then that was okay. I try to like all the cool stuff she does, but it realy irritates me how so many posts on Fb are veiled brags.

[Elizabeth in MN]

That sounds like "mommy wars" and it's not limited to FB in my experience.

 

Exactly. I will often start humming "Anything you can do I can do better".

[GWOB]

I have a MOPS Bible here somewhere. One of the little nuggets of wisdom I got from that Bible was the gem "Children are treasures, not trophies." I try to remember this every day.

[Onceuponatime]

I'm a picture poster. I'm very visual, so I LIKE when people post photos . . . especially of food. Also, if you don't other with the captions it's almost impossible for someone to take a photo the wrong way.

 

As you can see from my avatar and siggy, I am pro-cupcake BUT don't your FB friends know that cupcakes are SOOOOO three years ago. Macaroons are all the rage now. They need to keep up!

 

 

Those are macaroons? I'm sorry but they look like something my 8yo would make out of play doh. Aren't macaroons supposed to be white, lightly toasted looking, chewy, gooey balls of coconut?

 

 

I never did get the fancy cupcake thing either. Most of them seem to be half frosting. I don't like frosting.

Edited August 29, 2012 by Onceuponatime

[Word Nerd]

Those are macaroons? I'm sorry but they look like something my 8yo would make out of play doh. Aren't macaroons supposed to be white, lightly toasted looking, chewy, gooey balls of coconut?

 

I thought the baked goodies in the photo were whoopie pies.

[shanvan]

Very true. I have (had?) a friend who always posts things that make her look like supermom. And she gets lots of comments about how awesome and dedicated she is, blah, blah, blah. So one day she posts pics of these amazing cupcakes that she made for a club our kids were in. Later that night at the club gathering, my dd comes to me with the cupcake and tells me that she can't eat it because there is too much egg shell in the cupcake. :lol: She did t want to throw it away because she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So I ended up eating them. They were okay if it weren't for the random shell bits, lol. I finally concluded that my friend was doing a nice thing, and if she needed validation from others, then that was okay. I try to like all the cool stuff she does, but it realy irritates me how so many posts on Fb are veiled brags.

 

:iagree:These 2 comments exactly.

[hsbaby]

No, I haven't seen that, but I can imagine that it would completely crack me up. I'd be tempted to post a picture of my own (hideous) cupcake and write: Nailed it! :lol: (My humor is a little twisted, I know.)

 

:lol:

[clarkacademy]

Those are macaroons? I'm sorry but they look like something my 8yo would make out of play doh. Aren't macaroons supposed to be white, lightly toasted looking, chewy, gooey balls of coconut?

 

 

I never did get the fancy cupcake thing either. Most of them seem to be half frosting. I don't like frosting.

 

 

RIGHT!! Most of that frosting is icky to start with and makes a gigantic mess for kids. I hate that stuff.

[Onceuponatime]

Okay, I found out that there are different kinds of macaroons, these are French style. I've never seen one before.

 

 

http://ikm-macaroons.blogspot.com/

[shanvan]

RIGHT!! Most of that frosting is icky to start with and makes a gigantic mess for kids. I hate that stuff.

 

If I make cupcakes to take to 4H or some kind of outside event, Ds always asks me to keep a couple of them plain with no frosting. He is appalled at the facebook cupcakes and the junk on top of them:eek:.

 

Later today I'll see if I can post an example photo. I have to go to my PC to find it. I'm on the laptop now and I don't even know my facebook password (that's how often I visit). I'm logged in on my PC.

[KungFuPanda]

Those are macaroons? I'm sorry but they look like something my 8yo would make out of play doh. Aren't macaroons supposed to be white, lightly toasted looking, chewy, gooey balls of coconut?

 

 

I never did get the fancy cupcake thing either. Most of them seem to be half frosting. I don't like frosting.

 

See, I also thought that macaroons were a coconut cookie of sorts, but I have been educated. THESE macaroons are the new cupcakes. There are shops devoted to them. Amazing. Personally, I think they look like play-dough, but I'm rarely consulted before these trends go public.

[shanvan]

See, I also thought that macaroons were a coconut cookie of sorts, but I have been educated. THESE macaroons are the new cupcakes. There are shops devoted to them. Amazing. Personally, I think they look like play-dough, but I'm rarely consulted before these trends go public.

 

:iagree: With all of this.

 

BTW, is this now officially the macaroon thread? :lol: I haven't noticed any macaroon wars on Facebook.

[Catwoman]

...but I'm rarely consulted before these trends go public.

 

The world would be a better place if more people took the time to consult you on these things.

 

In this case, you could have told them that the only word that belongs with macaroon is coconut, and that they should really find another name for their faux cupcake thingies.

[Ibbygirl]

:iagree: With all of this.

 

BTW, is this now officially the macaroon thread? :lol: I haven't noticed any macaroon wars on Facebook.

 

Great idea!! :) I've never had a macaroon so I don't know if I should change my allegiance from team cupcake shots. How do they taste with rum?? :tongue_smilie:

[ChristyB in TN]

I like to hide the updates from people who annoy me. I keep them as "friends" but just don't have to look at their silliness unless I go to their pages. I am keeping my FB. I just got to have dinner with a dear old friend that my husband and I worked with some 23 years ago. He lives near San Diego and the only reason we KNOW that is because he found us last year on FB! That is only one example of friendships and family relationships that we have been able to re-establish because we have a presence on social networking. I am a fan.

I am enjoying Twitter much more than FB. I get most of my news updates there and my kids are still on Twitter so I get to see what they do at college in the middle of the night. :eek: I follow Steve Martin on Twitter. That's enough to keep me on there!

[shanvan]

I like to hide the updates from people who annoy me. I keep them as "friends" but just don't have to look at their silliness unless I go to their pages. I am keeping my FB. I just got to have dinner with a dear old friend that my husband and I worked with some 23 years ago. He lives near San Diego and the only reason we KNOW that is because he found us last year on FB! That is only one example of friendships and family relationships that we have been able to re-establish because we have a presence on social networking. I am a fan.

I am enjoying Twitter much more than FB. I get most of my news updates there and my kids are still on Twitter so I get to see what they do at college in the middle of the night. :eek: I follow Steve Martin on Twitter. That's enough to keep me on there!

 

I really should try just ignoring the annoying people. I wonder how many friends I'd have left? So many were friended b/c of the 4H club we left last year. No real hard feelings there, just had to cut something from the schedule. But, those particular 4H people are big one-uppers.

 

Hmmm, maybe I should try twitter. About the people from the past. I have mixed feelings about reconnecting with quite a few of them. We are very different now than when we were younger. For now, we've decided to stay in hiding. :lol: We don;t want to open any cans of worms.

 

On a side note...Does twitter have cupcakes or macaroons?

[MindyD]

Are you sure they don't just want to share a pic of what they've done? I posted my son's bday cake I made yesterday. It wasn't perfect, but I wanted to show my friends the cake. It never occurred to me to think others would be irritated by it.

[Paige]

How do you know it's competition and not just people who are all "into" the same thing? (genuine question--maybe the "comments" section makes it clear?)

 

:iagree: I think you may be reading too much into this. I have friends who post cupcake pictures...I never thought they were trying to prove something or one up anyone. What's wrong with a little celebratory posting about something you are happy and proud of? When several people are happy about similar things, it never occurs to me that there is some unspoken competition going on. I'm happy for everyone. I don't usually post much myself because I like to keep a low profile on FB, but I am genuinely happy to see all the neat things my friends and their families are doing.

[ChristyB in TN]

I really should try just ignoring the annoying people. I wonder how many friends I'd have left? So many were friended b/c of the 4H club we left last year. No real hard feelings there, just had to cut something from the schedule. But, those particular 4H people are big one-uppers.

 

Hmmm, maybe I should try twitter. About the people from the past. I have mixed feelings about reconnecting with quite a few of them. We are very different now than when we were younger. For now, we've decided to stay in hiding. :lol: We don;t want to open any cans of worms.

 

On a side note...Does twitter have cupcakes or macaroons?

 

You will love Twitter! It takes some getting used to, but it is neat. I follow several newspapers, NPR, Nat Geo, Wired, Mental Floss, etc and get article links constantly. It is nice to be able to just peruse the headlines and read what looks neat. Teenagers are still pretty free to post what they want because they know grandma isn't on there yet. ;)

[Danestress]

I don't use Facebook a lot, but once in a while I put a few photos up, and sometimes I post a photo when I finish knitting a project. I hope no one thinks I am being competitive or that my identity is all wrapped up in knitting. But if a friend responded with a photo of something she knit, I would be delighted. I really love knitting and I love seeing what others have knit. I wonder if bakers have that same need to show their final product and see others.

[Rivka]

Are you sure they don't just want to share a pic of what they've done? I posted my son's bday cake I made yesterday. It wasn't perfect, but I wanted to show my friends the cake. It never occurred to me to think others would be irritated by it.

 

:iagree: I think you may be reading too much into this. I have friends who post cupcake pictures...I never thought they were trying to prove something or one up anyone. What's wrong with a little celebratory posting about something you are happy and proud of? When several people are happy about similar things, it never occurs to me that there is some unspoken competition going on.

 

:iagree: I'm always taken aback by these threads. Why does "I made these cool things!" automatically imply "...so I'm better than you!" in your mind?

[Word Nerd]

Never mind. Viva la macaroon! (I still don't know what the difference is between that and a whoopie pie, but I would be willing to do a taste test to find out.)

Edited August 29, 2012 by WordGirl

[shanvan]

Are you sure they don't just want to share a pic of what they've done? I posted my son's bday cake I made yesterday. It wasn't perfect, but I wanted to show my friends the cake. It never occurred to me to think others would be irritated by it.

 

I wouldn't be irritated by that unless your friends then posted multiple pictures of their cakes from their children's birthdays. Also, they would need to be doing this multiple times per month and, instead of responding with "Wow! That's soo nice. Your Ds is so lucky to have a great mom." They would need to be saying things like Oh! You should see the cake I made for ____. It had 3 layers (and yours only had 2---but they wouldn't post that, just imply).

[shanvan]

I don't use Facebook a lot, but once in a while I put a few photos up, and sometimes I post a photo when I finish knitting a project. I hope no one thinks I am being competitive or that my identity is all wrapped up in knitting. But if a friend responded with a photo of something she knit, I would be delighted. I really love knitting and I love seeing what others have knit. I wonder if bakers have that same need to show their final product and see others.

 

I think the bold above describes how the posts originally started out. At first I didn't mind them, but over time they took on a different tone and more people became involved. I think they are all mothers of kids in the same school.

[ocelotmom]

People, those things are macaRONS, not macaROONS. That's why they're not lumps of coconut. Get with it! :p

[shanvan]

:iagree: I'm always taken aback by these threads. Why does "I made these cool things!" automatically imply "...so I'm better than you!" in your mind?

 

It doesn't necessarily. There would need to be a pattern over time of obvious one-up-manship behaviors and remarks accompanying the sharing. It might be that you have never actually encountered such a thing.

 

And now I'm pondering the difference b/t a macaRON vs. a macaROON. :confused:

[Snickerdoodle]

Someone needs to make cupcakes with Cuisenaire rods or pentominoes and post them.

[Corraleno]

It doesn't necessarily. There would need to be a pattern over time of obvious one-up-manship behaviors and remarks accompanying the sharing. It might be that you have never actually encountered such a thing.

:iagree:

I'm guessing that the folks who don't get what you're talking about have not met moms like this. I used to visit my sister's FB page and there'd be conversations like this:

 

My sister posts: Hooray, [Niece] made the cheer squad this year, she's so excited!

Friend A: That's great! She and [dd] will be on the squad together. [DD] is the captain again this year, the coach told her she's definitely the best girl on the squad!

Friend B: Congratulations you guys! [DD] decided not to go out for cheer this year, because she's taking three AP classes and she doesn't think cheer will look that good as an extra-curricular on her Harvard app anyway.

Friend A: Oh, [DD] is doing 2 APs as well. She decided against World Geography because my cousin, who works at Princeton, told her the AP Geo exam really isn't worth anything.

Blah blah blah...

 

This is why I'm not on Facebook, and I don't tell anyone except my father & stepmother what my kids are doing. :001_smile:

 

Jackie

Edited August 29, 2012 by Corraleno
typos

[shanvan]

:iagree:

I'm guessing that the folks who don't get what you're talking about have not met moms like this. I used to visit my sister's FB page and there'd be conversations like this:

 

My sister posts: Hooray, [Niece] made the cheer squad this year, she's so excited!

Friend A: That's great! She and [dd] will be on the squad together. [DD] is the captain again this year, the coach told her she's definitely the best girl on the squad!

Friend B: Congratulations you guys! [DD] decided not to go out for cheer this year, because she's taking three AP classes and she doesn't think cheer will look that good as an extra-curricular on her Harvard app anyway.

Friend A: Oh, [DD] is doing 2 APs as well. She decided against World Geography because my cousin, who works at Princeton, told the Geo exam really isn't worth anything.

Blah blah blah...

 

This is why I'm not on Facebook, and I don't tell anyone except my father & stepmother what my kids are doing. :001_smile:

 

Jackie

 

I almost spit my drink out all over my brand new laptop, which is of course loaded with all of the latest software and will enable all of my children to attend ivy league schools and even does the dishes---but your computer is nice too...

 

Sorry that's all I could come up with b/c I am completely backward when it comes to computers.

 

Yep. I've seen eerily similar conversations to the one you have posted above.

[MindyD]

:iagree:

I'm guessing that the folks who don't get what you're talking about have not met moms like this. I used to visit my sister's FB page and there'd be conversations like this:

 

My sister posts: Hooray, [Niece] made the cheer squad this year, she's so excited!

Friend A: That's great! She and [dd] will be on the squad together. [DD] is the captain again this year, the coach told her she's definitely the best girl on the squad!

Friend B: Congratulations you guys! [DD] decided not to go out for cheer this year, because she's taking three AP classes and she doesn't think cheer will look that good as an extra-curricular on her Harvard app anyway.

Friend A: Oh, [DD] is doing 2 APs as well. She decided against World Geography because my cousin, who works at Princeton, told the Geo exam really isn't worth anything.

Blah blah blah...

 

This is why I'm not on Facebook, and I don't tell anyone except my father & stepmother what my kids are doing. :001_smile:

 

Jackie

 

Okay, WOW! You're right. I've never seen those kinds of conversations! I'd hide those people too or come up with something completely outrageous and see what they said. Those moms remind me of this SNL skit...

 

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2860855320839977330

:tongue_smilie: