Influencing a teen daughter not to cut her hair

[Moxie]

Google her hair type (thin, thick, curly, wavy, etc.) and short hair to find a style that would work for her and then let her have at it!!

 

Short hair rocks!! Everyone should try it once.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Well, my 13 yo has Emma Watson short hair and loves it. She does have fine features so I would take that into consideration. Is there somewhere on the Webb you can insert your face into hairstyles to see what they look like? Generally hort of tattoos I let my kids do what they want appearance wise.

[Mommyof4ks]

I've always been told "hair is not a hill to die on."

 

What's the worst that can happen? A supershort cut only stays supershort for a couple of months, right? And then she'll know.

 

I know some girls with supershort cuts and they are adorable! I wish my daughter would try it!

 

:iagree: Hair is something I let my kids do whatever they want to with, because it is so easy to change, and it teaches consequences of plans not well thought out (like cutting it too short and having to wait until it grows back). Of course my son went bald twice on chemo, so I have seen the worst that can happen lol. It takes some getting used to when they change it or it is changed for whatever reason, but it is in no way a reflection of you and she learns what styles she likes and does not like.

 

My dd wants blue streaks in her hair, and though family is not happy with that idea, we will do that soon.

[sassenach]

Not everyone feels the same about this. My dh prefers shorter hair on women.

 

Mine, too.

 

Okay - sorry I'm not quoting individuals; I'm trying to make this more efficient.

 

Re: Hill to die on. It's not really a hill to die on, but my relationship with my girl is extremely gentle. She's not a fighter and neither am I. So, now that I've said I'm not keen on her hair being boy-short, it's unlikely that she will "fight for it." She will most likely not mention it again for a little while. If she was very intense about wanting it, I wouldn't make it a hill to die on, BUT she hardly ever is intense about anything. We had this little discussion, I told her what I really thought and compared her hair texture to another person we both know. She posted on her FB that I shut her hair cut down and now she's unsure.That's probably the maximum amount of protest I can expect.

Funny, I used the same term. Mama, you gotta start handing over the reigns at some point. The fact that she's not a fighter may make it more meaningful for you to allow her to make the decision. Compliant children can become doormat adults. I think it would be healthy for her to start gaining some ownership of her decisions, especially those that involve her own body.

Short hair in general: what do people say? It was "cute." It's "cute." Emma Watson's post-Hermione Granger hair is "cute." UGG! I don't aspire to look cute and I can't say I want my gorgeous daughter to look cute. Emma before pixie was beautiful, now she's cute.

I would have said sophisticated and beautiful. It's fun to be cute sometimes.

Grows back: Yeah. I know it grows back. But short boy-cuts are HELL to grow out, IME. That is why I don't mind so much if it's quite short but it's one length. All it has to do is get longer. But boy-cuts are not like that. You have a year or so of short layers that are a gigantic pain on thick, wavy hair. She is in high school. The thought of her starting tenth grade with that hair to cope with... I'm not a fan. I've done it to my own hair and it SUCKED eggs.

You may be right, but you internalized that lesson because you lived it. Sometimes (often) you need to just let your kids figure these things out for themselves. When my dd started cutting her own bangs, I held my breath. I had totally botched my own bangs in high school and had to live through the aftermath. I gave her my cautionary tale, but didn't stop her from doing it. You know, she has never had a bang cutting mishap. She's a different person than I am and happens to have way more artistic skill with the scissors. I've even had her cut her little sister's bangs.

 

All that to say, you really seem to be holding on way too tightly to this. You've got a lot of teenage road ahead of you and sooner or later you're going to have to start letting go. How you hand things off to her communicates what you think of her ability to make decisions for herself. If you indirectly communicate that she isn't capable (she can't even make a good decision about her hair), how will she learn to trust herself on much bigger decisions? Parents who hold on too tightly sometimes unknowingly set their kids up for being controlled by unhealthy outside influences.

 

Just something to think about.

[myfunnybunch]

My thoughts after reading most of the thread...

 

Maybe she'll cut it and hate it. She'll learn something from that.

 

Maybe she'll cut it and love it. She'll learn something from that.

 

Hair grows, and she will learn something from cutting it. She will also learn something from being discouraged from cutting it, and it may not be the lesson you intend.

 

There is a value in learning life lessons for ourselves. I think you'll do her a disservice trying to protect her from disappointment and not allowing her the pleasure of doing something thoughtful for others.

 

If you're concerned about hair length will negatively affecting her beauty, at 15, it's time to take a step back to examine how much you have emotionally invested in how she looks. (And I say that kindly and not lightly after reading your additional responses to this thread.)

 

Cat

[mom2samlibby]

If her hair is bra strap lenghth now, she will not have to go with pixie cut to donate.

 

I love short hair. It is so much easie to take care of. I've been growing mine out for several months now for something different, but I'm about ready to call it quits and cut it. It's hot, heavy, and getting everywhere. I think short looks more polished, or does for me!

 

I'd let her cut it.

[LittleIzumi]

I can see reasons to share your opinion with her gently. I can't see reasons to make the choice for her. It sounds, from what she posted on FB that you quoted, that she feels you shot the idea down--that you made the decision, not her. I might speak with her again and make sure it's her decision, not yours, if you want to let her make her own decision. (I would. Hair is about the safest thing on the planet to experiment with as a teenager. And it's for a good cause!)

 

(Says a person who did indeed chop her hair off in high school, and yes some people teased, and no, I didn't really care. :tongue_smilie: I chose for it to be short and I liked it that way.)

[Guest]

I have had hair that ran the gamut. Down to my rear and up to a short and spiky back.

 

BECAUSE she is young, and starting 10th grade, and awkward haircuts can be painful..... I would probably insist that she went short in stages (and I have had stylists say they recommend that method also.). Cut it and give it a week. Cut it and give it a week. I understand that a pixie cut may, ultimately, be more desirable(easier, attractive on that person, etc...) than shoulder length, but I have found a lot of emotion tied into my hair length. And once it is chin length, she can really get a better feel for it what it means to have short hair. Chin length isn't as painful to grow out, but you know what it's like to not have long hair. But if it is not for you, you aren't that far from a ponytail. Once you get shorter layers in the sides and front......THEN it is a long and tedious process to grow.

 

So, (*I*) would tell her she can go short. But if she wants locks of love, she needs to wait.

 

Yeah, she can't do it like that because of Locks of Love. That is really her entire purpose. She wants to do LoL and, at the current length, cutting 10" (the required length) would necessarily make it boy-short. If she's willing to just wait longer, then I am okay with the outcome, because it could be one-length at the chin, with the 10" cut off. This is okay with me. It's the pixie cut thing I really, really, really don't want her to do.

[UnsinkableKristen]

 

If you're concerned about hair length will negatively affecting her beauty, at 15, it's time to take a step back to examine how much you have emotionally invested in how she looks. (And I say that kindly and not lightly after reading your additional responses to this thread.)

 

 

:iagree: I would also mention that *to me* you seem to be assuming that since you and your daughter have similar personalities and similar looks, that you react to things *exactly* the same way. It may be time to let her be her own person, separate from your expectations and assumptions. Hair is a good place to start that :).

[Shelsi]

I just let my 8 yr old get a mohawk so I guess you know what side of the fence I'm on.

 

Personally I let my kids experiment with just about anything that can be "fixed." Funky hair, most piercings, etc. NOT permanent things like tattoos though.

[Guest]

My daughter had her hair cut "boy" short. There was nothing boyish or cute about it, it was beautiful and made her look more mature.

 

Anyhow, I don't think any of your reasons are good ones. :D This is an excellent low-risk chance to let your daughter spread her wings and you're stopping her for reasons that are ultimately superficial. With teenagers we should be giving them the opportunity to make decisions like this that might end in disaster because we're there to help them learn how to make it right.

 

I don't think think this is a huge deal but I do think you're wrong.:tongue_smilie:

 

Duly noted.

 

Honestly, this sounds like it's about you and your feelings about what you went through. It also sounds like there is too much emphasis on her looks in general. What kind of message does that send?

 

I don't emphasize looks to her, just so you know. I don't walk around the house, telling her she too gorgeous to ever possibly consider cutting her hair, kwim?

 

I prefer myself with long hair, but every so often, I cut it all off. I remember then how much i dislike it. And I survive. When I was 15, my hair was bright purple. When it was completely fried after over a year of bleaching and dyeing, I completely shaved it all off. Even accounting for the initial shock factor, I didn't get any less attention from the opposite sex. I never had a single person make a negative comment about it, unless joking about how perfectly shaped my head was is considered negative.

 

Well, people are generally polite. Doesn't mean everyone thought you looked great with a shaved head.

 

A "gorgeous" female isn't gorgeous because of her hair. Being gorgeous is a total package: it's body, face, hair, and personality. Which one of those is most important? Is she gorgeous because of who she is or because of one particular physical attribute? Attaching too much importance to one aspect of her physical beauty is setting her up for some serious self-confidence issues if anything changes.

 

Part of physical beauty is hair. To deny it is to deny the bare-face facts of life. She is beautiful on the inside and out.

 

I'd let her cut her hair. She's a teenager, it's time to start handing over some decision-making power, and it's not a permanent decision. I'd voice my opinion, considerately, but I'd let the final choice be up to her.

[snickelfritz]

Yeah, she can't do it like that because of Locks of Love. That is really her entire purpose. She wants to do LoL and, at the current length, cutting 10" (the required length) would necessarily make it boy-short. If she's willing to just wait longer, then I am okay with the outcome, because it could be one-length at the chin, with the 10" cut off. This is okay with me. It's the pixie cut thing I really, really, really don't want her to do.

 

Have you measured? My hair is bra length, now. If I make a ponytail at the base of my neck, I have more than a ruler-length of hair. Cutting it off right there would leave me with an angled bob (longer in front and shorter in back.) Isn't that how they do it? Make a pony and cut it off?

 

That right there would be a less dramatic short cut. A little stacking in back gives you the feel of short, with a little length in front. Easy to grow out, because you can pull the front back. Going on to cut the sides and front (a LOT) is what gives you a pixie, but would be unnecessary (the way I understand the process) for the locks of love.

Edited August 5, 2012 by snickelfritz

[MelanieM]

My daughter had her hair cut "boy" short. There was nothing boyish or cute about it, it was beautiful and made her look more mature.

 

Anyhow, I don't think any of your reasons are good ones. :D This is an excellent low-risk chance to let your daughter spread her wings and you're stopping her for reasons that are ultimately superficial. With teenagers we should be giving them the opportunity to make decisions like this that might end in disaster because we're there to help them learn how to make it right.

 

I don't think think this is a huge deal but I do think you're wrong.:tongue_smilie:

 

:iagree:

 

My thoughts after reading most of the thread...

 

Maybe she'll cut it and hate it. She'll learn something from that.

 

Maybe she'll cut it and love it. She'll learn something from that.

 

Hair grows, and she will learn something from cutting it. She will also learn something from being discouraged from cutting it, and it may not be the lesson you intend.

 

There is a value in learning life lessons for ourselves. I think you'll do her a disservice trying to protect her from disappointment and not allowing her the pleasure of doing something thoughtful for others.

 

If you're concerned about hair length will negatively affecting her beauty, at 15, it's time to take a step back to examine how much you have emotionally invested in how she looks. (And I say that kindly and not lightly after reading your additional responses to this thread.)

 

Cat

 

And again... :iagree:

 

I do think it's fine to give your opinion, but feel it's not really just giving an opinion if you know that your kid will take your opinion as you cutting her down. So if you are simply offering an opinion, I think you need to make sure it comes across as such. And if you're telling her absolutely not, then don't phrase it as if you're just offering up your own thoughts and she's free to decide otherwise. In other words, be clear for both your sakes. I think it's especially important for compliant children to be encouraged to see when they can make choices that go against what others might prefer, because that's a skill the people-pleasers in particular really need to learn.

[Sara in AZ]

My mother has five daughters and was super picky about our hair. We used to have to beg her to trim off more than 1/2 an inch. To this day none of us can cut our hair or, gasp, color or layer it without hearing mom on our heads. And she'll tell us what she thinks in person, too!

[Jenny in Florida]

What are your thoughts on this? DD15 has gorgeous hair that is about to bra-strap length in the back. She has a notion that she wants to cut it for Locks of Love. I would be okay with this in general, but I don't want her to cut it now, because it will have to be Emma Watson short to get the required donation length. She thinks she wants her hair that short. I do not think she will, besides which I just plain do not want her hair to be that short.

 

When she first mentioned this, I didn't tell her exactly that, just that I thought it should be longer so it could be more like chin-length bob, one length after the cut. But today, she said, "So - when are we going to get my hair cut?" I told her what I thought. She's not happy that I "shot her down."

 

Do you think it is wrong for me to discourage her from cutting it that short? Should teens be given a green light on any kind of cut they think they want or is it right to offer my opinion? (I know how hair cuts look one way in a style book, but quite another when it comes down to actually styling it, and this is where I think she will really hate the cut.)

 

At age 15, I think her hair is her hair, and she has the right to cut it if she chooses to do so. Hair grows. If she doesn't like it, she can let it grow back. It will be the length you think would be better very soon.

 

Our daughter wanted to cut hers when she was about that age. We told her we thought she might regret it and asked her to wait a month or two before going ahead with the plan. She waited. She still wanted the cut. We took her to the salon.

 

I actually thought the result was really cute, but she didn't end up being happy with the length and opted to let it grow out again.

 

Life went on. It's just hair.

[Kathryn]

My thoughts after reading most of the thread...

 

Maybe she'll cut it and hate it. She'll learn something from that.

 

Maybe she'll cut it and love it. She'll learn something from that.

 

Hair grows, and she will learn something from cutting it. She will also learn something from being discouraged from cutting it, and it may not be the lesson you intend.

 

There is a value in learning life lessons for ourselves. I think you'll do her a disservice trying to protect her from disappointment and not allowing her the pleasure of doing something thoughtful for others.

 

If you're concerned about hair length will negatively affecting her beauty, at 15, it's time to take a step back to examine how much you have emotionally invested in how she looks. (And I say that kindly and not lightly after reading your additional responses to this thread.)

 

Cat

 

:iagree: You said you had your hair that short at one point and that she looks like you. Have you shown her the pictures? Perhaps she'll like the way it looks. Maybe it will change her mind. But, I personally think the decision should be hers. As others have said, she must start making decisions for herself at some point, and her own body with non-permanent decisions is a pretty good place to start.

 

Well, people are generally polite. Doesn't mean everyone thought you looked great with a shaved head.

 

I also don't care if everyone thinks I look great. My self-worth is not determined based on the amount of people who think I look gorgeous. Nobody's should be.

[Guest]

Have you measured? My hair is bra length, now. If I make a ponytail at the base of my neck, I have more than a ruler-length of hair. Cutting it off right there would leave me with an angled bob (longer in front and shorter in back.) Isn't that how they do it? Make a pony and cut it off?

 

That right there would be a less dramatic short cut. A little stacking in back gives you the feel of short, with a little length in front. Easy to grow out, because you can pull the front back. Going on to cut the sides and front (a LOT) is what gives you a pixie, but would be unnecessary (the way I understand the process) for the locks of love.

 

Yes, we measured. She has some light layering, though. In a ponytail, some of the hair would be too short. Basically, what would satisfy me would be if she would just keep letting it grow for several more months and then cutting it to one length at the chin or below. I said pretty much this to her - that I would rather she grows it longer and cuts it to one length and not in a pixie cut, because the layers will drive her nuts (I believe).

[Kathryn]

Have you measured? My hair is bra length, now. If I make a ponytail at the base of my neck, I have more than a ruler-length of hair. Cutting it off right there would leave me with an angled bob (longer in front and shorter in back.) Isn't that how they do it? Make a pony and cut it off?

 

That right there would be a less dramatic short cut. A little stacking in back gives you the feel of short, with a little length in front. Easy to grow out, because you can pull the front back. Going on to cut the sides and front (a LOT) is what gives you a pixie, but would be unnecessary (the way I understand the process) for the locks of love.

 

I agree with this too and was actually going to bring this up after reading the OP but got side-tracked after reading more. I have donated hair many times. It is always done by making a ponytail at the nape of the neck, even when I said I wanted a pixie cut this last time. There is plenty left to work with in a bob. If there isn't enough to do it like that, they don't take it, which I've had happen as well.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I'm just thinking about that feeling I get, every few years, that I absolutely must lighten the weight upon my head. I want to feel different or look different, or I don't like how texture changes have made my hair look at the same length, or I'm mourning some kind of loss or facing some huge life transition...

 

sometimes women need to do something drastic to their hair. Why wouldn't the same be true for a very young woman?

 

I'm about to do something drastic to my hair. It's been nearly waist-length for years but the weight is only just now giving me headaches. Plus, I just kind of look old right now. I don't look like the self I identified with, when this hair was as young as I was, KWIM? I'm not just tired of my hair. I've outgrown it! So it's going. I can't imagine if anyone told me that I look better this way or that they wouldn't let me. It's my head. It's my *self* that I need to change, and I'm in charge of me.

 

I would allow that for a daughter, if I had one.

[snickelfritz]

Yes, we measured. She has some light layering, though. In a ponytail, some of the hair would be too short. Basically, what would satisfy me would be if she would just keep letting it grow for several more months and then cutting it to one length at the chin or below. I said pretty much this to her - that I would rather she grows it longer and cuts it to one length and not in a pixie cut, because the layers will drive her nuts (I believe).

 

I think it would be too short, then. I just checked the requirements at their website. It must be pulled into a ponytail or braid and be 10 inches from tip to tip.

Edited August 5, 2012 by snickelfritz

[mom2jjka]

My daughter donated her hair last year to Pantene's Beautiful Length's program. (They only require 8")

http://www.pantene.com/en-US/PanteneBeautifulLengths/Pages/default.aspx#1

 

I was very sad at first that she wanted to cut her long beautiful hair, but her selfless act of love for others really moved me.

And one year later, her hair is already shoulder-length again.

 

Having watched my own mother battle cancer - I can tell you that a really nice quality wig did SO much to boost her morale and self-esteem when she lost her hair to chemo.

 

I say let her do it.

I think that the lesson she will get in joyful giving and helping others is much more important than being prideful over her own beauty.

Edited August 5, 2012 by mom2jjka

[Kathryn]

Yes, we measured. She has some light layering, though. In a ponytail, some of the hair would be too short. Basically, what would satisfy me would be if she would just keep letting it grow for several more months and then cutting it to one length at the chin or below. I said pretty much this to her - that I would rather she grows it longer and cuts it to one length and not in a pixie cut, because the layers will drive her nuts (I believe).

 

Last time I donated, they didn't care about the shortest lengths, just how long the longest lengths were.

[Jenny in Florida]

When I see photos of myself at that time, I want to vomit.

 

Wow. That's a lot of baggage to carry around about one's hair.

 

For what it's worth, I, too, had my hair cut very short when I was not quite 13. It was the first day of middle school, and my hair was down past my waist. I walked home in California's lovely Santa Ana winds, and by the time I got home my hair was a mess.

 

I asked my mother to take me to get it cut that very afternoon.

 

It was the age of the Dorothy Hamill cut, and that's what I thought I wanted. I have very thick, wavy/curly/frizzy (depending on the day) hair, and the stylist had a wonderful time blow drying and straightening and perfectly styling my hair after it was cut. By the time I walked out of the salon, I felt amazing!

 

The first time I washed it, I discovered that I was not capable of styling it the way it had been done at the salon. Within a few days, I began to look like a poodle, short little curls all over my head.

 

It took me a year to grow it out to the point at which it was manageable for me again.

 

And, honestly, it didn't cause any permanent emotional scars. I had a bad haircut. It wasn't the last one I got. (Remind me to tell you some time about my Rod Stewart look.)

 

Really, it's just not that big a deal. A woman who is beautiful will be beautiful with short hair, too, especially if she's cut it short in order to donate it to someone who needs it more than she does.

[Kathryn]

I think it would be too short, then. I just checked the requirements at their website. It must be pulled into a ponytail or braid and be 10 inches from tip to tip.

 

A few bullet points above that it says: Layered hair is acceptable if the longest layer is 10 inches.

 

 

ETA here are the guidelines:

http://www.locksoflove.org/donate.html

 

-Hair that is colored or permed is acceptable.

-Hair cut years ago is usable if it has been stored in a ponytail or braid.

-Hair that has been bleached (usually this refers to highlighted hair) is not usable.* If unsure, ask your stylist. We are not able to accept bleached hair due to a chemical reaction that occurs during the manufacturing process. **If the hair was bleached years ago and has completely grown out it is fine to donate.

-Hair that is swept off of the floor is not usable because it is not bundled in a ponytail or braid.

-Hair that is shaved off and not in a ponytail or braid is not usable. If shaving your head, first divide hair into multiple ponytails to cut off.

-We cannot accept dreadlocks. Our manufacturer is not able to use them in our children’s hairpieces. We also cannot accept wigs, falls, hair extensions or synthetic hair.

-Layered hair is acceptable if the longest layer is 10 inches.

-Layered hair may be divided into multiple ponytails.

-Curly hair may be pulled straight to measure the minimum 10 inches.

-10 inches measured tip to tip is the minimum length needed for a hairpiece.

Edited August 5, 2012 by kebg11

[Joker]

I've been letting both of my dds make their own hair decisions since they were about eight. One of them donated at that time, as well. There have been times they haven't liked their decisions, but they now know it is just hair and will grow again. They've both found styles they really liked in those in between places.

[Jenny in Florida]

Since DD looks like me and has hair that is almost identical to mine, I transfer that idea onto her, too.

 

But, you know, she's not you.

 

And, in fact, at 15 wanting to be your own person could definitely contribute to a desire to choose a hairstyle different from your mom's.

[PeacefulChaos]

Thank you for both thoughts. I will look into the 7-inch place.

Yes, I actually donated to Pantene's beautiful lengths... it was 8 inches, I believe. :)

The reason I relate my hair to hers is because her hair is so much like mine. And her personality is so much like mine. So, it's not hard for me to imagine if she cuts it like I did, the results will be like mine were and she will not like it. It's the whole want-to-protect-my-child-from-emotional-pain element.

 

She can talk to me about cutting her hair or anything else. She's just a very compliant kid, which I totally get because I am/was the same way.

 

Lastly - look at the stories of those who cut their hair drastically. Are drastic hair cuts unimportant? I think they are highly important! When you're 15, looking at spending a year growing out hair - well, that is a YEAR! I mean, it might as well be TEN years to a kid, kwim? She'll have her driver's license, but her hair would still be in short layers. It definitely makes me :nopity: The more I listen to you all and think about it, the more I realize I do NOT want her hair cut that short. :tongue_smilie:

I will say that as a teenager I handled haircuts much differently than I do now. Now, I don't like my haircut - but I had it very similar to this when I was 17 and I loved it. And I was always planning out 'the next big thing I would do with my hair'... I was always planning something new. So while yes, a big cut is a big change, I don't remember any of mine being a real big thing in a negative sense. :)

[Guest]

I think it would be too short, then. I just checked the requirements at their website. It must be pulled into a ponytail or braid and be 10 inches from tip to tip.

 

Okay, I just discussed this with her. I put her hair in a 'tail and measured the 'tail. She could cut it and have it at chin-length to wear. She said she would like that; that she has an idea for that. She is also willing to wait a while longer so it won't be just barely 10".

 

I'm just thinking the "hair is nothing" posts in this thread are wrong. :tongue_smilie: Sorry to be so blunt about it. If hair was nothing, there would be no such thing as Locks of Love to begin with. A lot of children would rather have a beautiful head of "hair" than to be bald. So, obviously, hair is not "nothing." But whatever. I'm vain like that.

[regentrude]

She is 15!

I think a teenager should have the right to decide her own hair length.

Let her cut it. It is only hair and will grow back if she so chooses.

Do not project your own feelings about your own hair experiences onto her.

[mom2samlibby]

Lastly - look at the stories of those who cut their hair drastically. Are drastic hair cuts unimportant? I think they are highly important! When you're 15, looking at spending a year growing out hair - well, that is a YEAR! I mean, it might as well be TEN years to a kid, kwim? She'll have her driver's license, but her hair would still be in short layers. It definitely makes me :nopity: The more I listen to you all and think about it, the more I realize I do NOT want her hair cut that short. :tongue_smilie:

 

Wow, really? It's hair. It does grow back. It's not like she is cutting off her arm.

 

Maybe she will like it short. However, she won't know unless she gets to cut it.

 

There were also quite a few that said she should cut it. I would let her.

[Cassy]

Okay, I just discussed this with her. I put her hair in a 'tail and measured the 'tail. She could cut it and have it at chin-length to wear. She said she would like that; that she has an idea for that. She is also willing to wait a while longer so it won't be just barely 10".

 

I'm just thinking the "hair is nothing" posts in this thread are wrong. :tongue_smilie: Sorry to be so blunt about it. If hair was nothing, there would be no such thing as Locks of Love to begin with. A lot of children would rather have a beautiful head of "hair" than to be bald. So, obviously, hair is not "nothing." But whatever. I'm vain like that.

 

:iagree: Wholeheartedly.

 

I also don't think that it's about you. I think you're a caring mother who doesn't want her daughter to make a mistake.

 

Nor did you ever say you wanted to stop her cutting her hair, just that you wanted to 'influence' her.

[Jenny in Florida]

I'm just thinking the "hair is nothing" posts in this thread are wrong. :tongue_smilie: Sorry to be so blunt about it. If hair was nothing, there would be no such thing as Locks of Love to begin with. A lot of children would rather have a beautiful head of "hair" than to be bald. So, obviously, hair is not "nothing." But whatever. I'm vain like that.

 

I think there's a difference between a woman or child who is ill and struggling and already feeling overwhelmed and worried about living through the next day and the rest of us. There's a difference between sickness-induced baldness and choosing a different look for a perfectly healthy head of hair.

[Guest submarines]

I'm just thinking the "hair is nothing" posts in this thread are wrong. :tongue_smilie: Sorry to be so blunt about it. If hair was nothing, there would be no such thing as Locks of Love to begin with. A lot of children would rather have a beautiful head of "hair" than to be bald. So, obviously, hair is not "nothing." But whatever. I'm vain like that.

 

Hair is "nothing" only when it is one's own choice to cut it. It means much more when it is taken away by an illness.

 

You're making a big deal out of her hair and her choice.

 

What do you want her to learn from you controlling her hair and deciding that her perceived beauty is more important than her thoughts? :confused:

[Abigail4476]

For our household, this is a religious issue, so I'll set that aside for the sake of objectivity.

 

Assuming long hair isn't a religious issue for your family, it's not a big deal. By cutting her hair and donating it to locks of love, there are several positives:

 

* She's being generous and thinking of others

* Even if her hair turns out less than gorgeous after the cut, she can be proud of it because of her motives for getting it cut. It's a good lesson about self-worth and its ideal origins.

* It allows her to try out a new look which satiates that normal teenager fascination with self-expression

* It gives her some independence

 

I would give her all the facts and leave this decision entirely to her. Except for the "vomit" fact. If she knows that you want to vomit when you look at pictures of yourself with short hair, that sends the message that you will find her equally repugnant with short hair. That's an opinion I would keep to myself. Lots of us have pictures of ourselves in less than perfect fashion choices and hairdos; they shouldn't cause us to feel self-loathing. Maybe a self-deprecating chuckle.... :001_huh:

Edited August 5, 2012 by Abigail4476

[Catherine]

If you've done it to your own hair, let her do it to hers. Mothers can destroy their relationships with their daughters by making their relationship turn on stuff like physical appearance. Ask me how I know.

[Kathryn]

I think there's a difference between a woman or child who is ill and struggling and already feeling overwhelmed and worried about living through the next day and the rest of us. There's a difference between sickness-induced baldness and choosing a different look for a perfectly healthy head of hair.

 

A huge difference. Wearing a wig when your hair is falling out because you are fighting for survival and you're trying to hang on to some semblance of "normal" just isn't comparable to wanting to donate to people in that position and try a new hair style. At all.

[EmilyK]

Are there reasons other than religious ones, or ones where a woman's partner (or desired partner) thinks it is more attractive to have long hair, to care about length of hair? I am not trying to be abrupt, but I haven't been able to get why it is a decision different than glasses or clothes style, yet I seem to know people (and hear here) that feel it is deeper than a style choice about type of glasses, or buying a blue sweater or a green one.

 

If there's no religious reason, then I've assumed it is a "what's sexier" which is always a little TMI for me.

 

This isn't about the OP's daughter -- it is just something I've really wondered about and can't ask people in real life.

 

ETA: I don't mean "hair is nothing", just that I've had my hair cut short and it isn't anything like being bald from chemo (or other medications).

Edited August 5, 2012 by EmilyK

[stripe]

I have serious misgivings about Locks of Love. To me, cutting to give hair to them would not be a good idea.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think there's a difference between a woman or child who is ill and struggling and already feeling overwhelmed and worried about living through the next day and the rest of us. There's a difference between sickness-induced baldness and choosing a different look for a perfectly healthy head of hair.

 

A huge difference. Wearing a wig when your hair is falling out because you are fighting for survival and you're trying to hang on to some semblance of "normal" just isn't comparable to wanting to donate to people in that position and try a new hair style. At all.

 

 

I agree. It is one less thing to worry about while fighting for survival. My youngest sister is fighting breast cancer. She has never actually bothered with a wig. I don't think she is less lovely for it. I am going to have to walk away from this thread because it is actually making me pretty offended.

[Susann]

The reason I relate my hair to hers is because her hair is so much like mine. And her personality is so much like mine. So, it's not hard for me to imagine if she cuts it like I did, the results will be like mine were and she will not like it. It's the whole want-to-protect-my-child-from-emotional-pain element.

 

She can talk to me about cutting her hair or anything else. She's just a very compliant kid, which I totally get because I am/was the same way.

 

Lastly - look at the stories of those who cut their hair drastically. Are drastic hair cuts unimportant? I think they are highly important! When you're 15, looking at spending a year growing out hair - well, that is a YEAR! I mean, it might as well be TEN years to a kid, kwim? She'll have her driver's license, but her hair would still be in short layers. It definitely makes me :nopity: The more I listen to you all and think about it, the more I realize I do NOT want her hair cut that short. :tongue_smilie:

 

Again, this seems to be totally about you and not your daughter. And, yes, in the overall scheme of things for the average person hair is unimportant.

[Soror]

Well, it wouldn't matter in my house what I thought as dh would freak over a haircut that short. It is not a religious thing for him at all he just doesn't like women in short hair. He thinks it looks masculine and not very nice, except in rare cases. He just thinks long hair is more feminine. I'm more ambivalent personally. I have long hair and prefer it on myself but I also see women who I think look better with shorter hair. If I had a daughter I thought would not look good with really short hair I'd likely have a hard time not stating so. I think it depends on the personality but my oldest dd is already very sensitive I can see something like a bad haircut being very hard for her. Just because it isn't a big deal to some doesn't make it so for others and I can understand a Mom being worried about that, I shudder to think of my sensitive dd's teen years. It is going to be hard on all of us.

[I.Dup.]

I don't think it's wrong to have an opinion on your teen's hair.

 

My sister and her daughter do not have a "gentle" relationship, my niece is very strong willed, but I heard my sister was so horrified when my niece cut all of her beautiful hair off that she went and cried, LOL!

[Aelwydd]

It seems to me that in this instance, you are passing up a valuable opportunity to support your daughter's willingness to sacrifice self for the good of others.

 

All the reasons you are giving seem pretty superficial to me.

 

Is it your intention to teach your daughter to value personal vanity over charity? Because, that's the message I'm getting.

[J-rap]

I let my children have free reign over their hair. If they were doing something with it in order to join a gang -- ha, then of course I wouldn't allow it. But they are good kids and very responsible.

 

This is my youngest with very short hair, which she says is SO easy to take care of -- although you're right, she does need to trim it often. The other is my second youngest who has cut her hair five times for Locks of Love. It grows really fast! Another daughter lived in Africa for awhile, and she said if she does that again, she might shave her head altogether! (Because of the extreme heat and humidity in the area she was in.)

[KungFuPanda]

This is exactly the worst-case scenario in my mind. I really don't think hair is "nothing," and when you're a young lady who (sorry it sounds braggish, but) has been admired as beautiful forever and always, it's a terrible blow if you have to spend a year growing out the hair that you thought was "just a hair cut." I was twenty-six when I cut my hair pixie-short and I still had some flat-out negative reactions from others. AND it didn't even look bad! It was "cute," though! People were not used to seeing me cute. When I see photos of myself at that time, I want to vomit.

 

Yeah, she can't do it like that because of Locks of Love. That is really her entire purpose. She wants to do LoL and, at the current length, cutting 10" (the required length) would necessarily make it boy-short. If she's willing to just wait longer, then I am okay with the outcome, because it could be one-length at the chin, with the 10" cut off. This is okay with me. It's the pixie cut thing I really, really, really don't want her to do.

 

You are her mother and you can just say 'no' without debating your reasons with your daughter. I think where you run unto trouble is that you seem to be looking for good reasons to say 'no.' However, in THIS instance, it seems your daughter has charitable and open minded reasons for the cut and you are 'shooting her down' with superficial reasons and your own baggage.

 

I get how you feel about hair, because I feel that way about my own hair. I once heard that some people see their hair as a trend and some see it as a companion. My own 15-year-old is in the 'trend' category and she's had several haircuts that I wouldn't have chosen. However, she's a beautiful girl who manages to look stylish and put-together in EVERY cut she's chosen. I've always been delightfully surprised at how her cuts turn out because I have trouble imagining them looking nice when she describes them. She has this exquisite neck that you don't see when her hair is long and delicate features that don't require tons of hair to look feminine. (I don't think boy-short is actually a thing.)

 

Kids need to make some decisions before they leave he nest, and this is one that doesn't hurt anyone no matter what she decides. If a year is too long in kid-time to wait for regrowth, I'm not sure six months to wait for the cut is going to seem that short of a time to a 15-year-old. She COULD enjoy short hair while it's warm outside. It'll STILL be chin length by winter. I vote to let her do this, but YOU are her mother, so you have the absolute right to tell her she can't cut her hair because you don't think she'd be as pretty in short hair.

#boyshortisnotathing

Edited August 5, 2012 by KungFuPanda

[DianeW88]

At fifteen, I think she's old enough to decide how she wants to cut her hair. It's a fairly harmless means of self-expression, and if she's doing it for a good cause besides, I see no reason to tell her no. And you never know, it might end up looking really cute.

 

:iagree: Her hair, her decision...not yours.

[-M-]

What are your thoughts on this?

 

[...]

 

Do you think it is wrong for me to discourage her from cutting it that short? Should teens be given a green light on any kind of cut they think they want or is it right to offer my opinion? (I know how hair cuts look one way in a style book, but quite another when it comes down to actually styling it, and this is where I think she will really hate the cut.)

 

My thoughts on hair -- and most other personal (and impermanent) appearance issues, for that matter -- are pretty simple: Make appropriate and attractive choices. (I won't bore you with an essay on how I have worked to shape values here, but believe me when I say, my kids understand the meaning and importance of "appropriate" and "attractive.")

 

I think offering an opinion is part of our job description, but I also think supporting a well reasoned decision on something as -- to my mind -- impermanent and non-life-changing as a haircut is simply smart parenting.

 

I am always surprised by what a loaded subject hair is, by the way. My older daughter had hers cut -- by request -- when she was five. My younger daughter had hers cut about a year ago. They both maintain that they will never go back. They understand that they are bucking the trend, which, around here, is largely straight (I should have purchased stock in a company that sells flattening irons, right?) and long and often swept back in an elastic headband and ponytail (?!?), even on girls on which such a style looks bland, at best, truly unflattering, at worst.*

 

Interestingly, when the youngest cut her hair, three young girls on the team cut theirs before the end of the season. Their mothers all told me that they asked to have their hair like my girls'. All three are still sporting short cuts, although they have, apparently, taken some guff from kids at school: "Are you a boy?" "Do you like your hair like that?" "You hair is SO SHORT!!" We'll see how strong their resolve is when they hit high school. (*wry grin*)

 

________________________________________________

 

* The exception is the handful of student-athletes who cut their hair each May for a big event -- 'can't remember the name. Two of the young ladies also swim summer season, and they told the girls last year that they weren't too worried about participating in the event because the girls' hair was "cute." Heh, heh, heh.

[Parrothead]

I think that by the time one is ready to care for one's own hair one has final say-so over it. So by about age 5 parents should have very little to say about hair.

[-M-]

This is my youngest with very short hair, which she says is SO easy to take care of -- although you're right, she does need to trim it often. The other is my second youngest who has cut her hair five times for Locks of Love. It grows really fast! Another daughter lived in Africa for awhile, and she said if she does that again, she might shave her head altogether! (Because of the extreme heat and humidity in the area she was in.)

 

That pic was *so* cute! LOVE how that opened up her face. Beautiful, beautiful. Short hair can be so much fun.

[-M-]

Short hair pics: