Dear Person With a Screaming Toddler...

[I talk to the trees]

I did not pay $16 for a ticket to listen you your child scream at the top of his lungs for 3 hours that he wants his juice. I paid to see a dance recital, specifically my daughter's solo, which your obnoxious brat wailed all the way through. And no, everyone isn't staring at you because you have such a cute child. They are staring at you because your hideous child needs to shut the *bleep* up or be removed from the auditorium!! :glare:

[Silvina]

I can't believe the parents did not remove the child, to a quiet place to calm down. Children at that age cannot control themselves sometimes (especially if permissive parents have already shown them how screaming can actually get them anything they want...), Parents are supposed to be there there to help them, and to ensure that no one else is disturbed by this kind of behaviour...

[Audrey]

Two things:

 

First, yes. The parent should have removed the screaming child and tried to regain some sanity for everyone's sake.

 

Second, I'll bet they probably wanted to see their kid's solo, too and got overwhelmed by their toddler's meltdown. It helps not to get so pissed off at these situations if you can extend just a bit more grace than you think you can. After all, someone has probably thought the same thing when your toddler behaved like that at some point in your life. And if your toddler never did such a thing, then you are truly blessed. Take pity on those who have had socially unfortunate episodes with our children.

[welovetoread]

Two things:

 

First, yes. The parent should have removed the screaming child and tried to regain some sanity for everyone's sake.

 

Second, I'll bet they probably wanted to see their kid's solo, too and got overwhelmed by their toddler's meltdown. It helps not to get so pissed off at these situations if you can extend just a bit more grace than you think you can. After all, someone has probably thought the same thing when your toddler behaved like that at some point in your life. And if your toddler never did such a thing, then you are truly blessed. Take pity on those who have had socially unfortunate episodes with our children.

 

:iagree:

[RainbowSprinkles]

I did not pay $16 for a ticket to listen you your child scream at the top of his lungs for 3 hours that he wants his juice. I paid to see a dance recital, specifically my daughter's solo, which your obnoxious brat wailed all the way through. And no, everyone isn't staring at you because you have such a cute child. They are staring at you because your hideous child needs to shut the *bleep* up or be removed from the auditorium!! :glare:

 

How old is this child? A toddler? A preschooler?

 

You're full of anger at this child who most likely doesn't know better. It's upsetting yes, but not the child's fault and no reason to call the child hideous.

[justLisa]

BLeh and YUCK. NO toddler deserves to be called a hideous obnoxious brat. What would you call an adult capable of calling a toddler that? I have a few words in mind....but *I* refrain from actually using that kind of derrogetory language toward others. It sounds disguisting. I can see calling the kid a few choice things, but that is just a little much.

[Barb_]

I did not pay $16 for a ticket to listen you your child scream at the top of his lungs for 3 hours that he wants his juice. I paid to see a dance recital, specifically my daughter's solo, which your obnoxious brat wailed all the way through. And no, everyone isn't staring at you because you have such a cute child. They are staring at you because your hideous child needs to shut the *bleep* up or be removed from the auditorium!! :glare:

 

:iagree: As my dad used to say, "I wouldn't let my own child scream for 3 hours in public, and I'll be d*mned if I listen to someone else's."

[gingersmom]

We were just at the movies last week (rated R) and there was a 2-3 year old child in the theater who screamed/cried/made noise the entire 2 hours. The parents acted like they did not have a care in the world.

 

I have been the parent with a screaming toddler at a dance recital. I picked up myself and screaming child and exited the auditorium. Some people are just plain rude.

[Barb_]

BLeh and YUCK. NO toddler deserves to be called a hideous obnoxious brat. What would you call an adult capable of calling a toddler that? I have a few words in mind....but *I* refrain from actually using that kind of derrogetory language toward others. It sounds disguisting. I can see calling the kid a few choice things, but that is just a little much.

 

Then how about discussing hideous, obnoxious parents who can't see past their own gratification to allow the entire rest of audience some peace? Can we do that instead?

[clarkacademy]

:iagree: As my dad used to say, "I wouldn't let my own child scream for 3 hours in public, and I'll be d*mned if I listen to someone else's."

 

Me too! Had this issue at the movies this past week. I'm sorry you couldn't find a sitter but it sure don't mean the rest of the population has to suffer for it. Plenty in my life me or their dad had to leave things including our daughters recital because the little one would not calm down.

 

Why is it OK for people to let their kids drive everyone insane? If they can't mind in public you leave it is that simple.

[Mama2Many4]

Two things:

 

First, yes. The parent should have removed the screaming child and tried to regain some sanity for everyone's sake.

 

Second, I'll bet they probably wanted to see their kid's solo, too and got overwhelmed by their toddler's meltdown. It helps not to get so pissed off at these situations if you can extend just a bit more grace than you think you can. After all, someone has probably thought the same thing when your toddler behaved like that at some point in your life. And if your toddler never did such a thing, then you are truly blessed. Take pity on those who have had socially unfortunate episodes with our children.

 

 

:iagree: I can only imagine that they were cringing inside and felt like crawling under their chairs. But their child would be disappointed to look up and not see one of their parents. Extend a little kindness to people, esp those with children. :001_huh:

[sparrow]

duplicate message

[sparrow]

Then how about discussing hideous, obnoxious parents who can't see past their own gratification to allow the entire rest of audience some peace? Can we do that instead?

 

:iagree: We had a similar experience at my daughter's softball game last week and I don't blame the child at all. His mother on the other hand :glare:. The poor child VERY obviously did not feel well. The mother actually moved his stroller behind her, which upset him all the more. I wanted to go pick the poor thing up, and I'm *not* a baby person. He screamed for a full 2 hours.

 

No, my kids never did that in public. I removed them.

[clarkacademy]

:iagree: I can only imagine that they were cringing inside and felt like crawling under their chairs. But their child would be disappointed to look up and not see one of their parents. Extend a little kindness to people, esp those with children. :001_huh:

 

Yes but shouldn't people also extend a little bit of respect for those who payed to be there too? I had to leave many things over my older son when he was small. I never would have thought to stay and ruin it for everyone else. Not too mention the ones on stage who worked so hard to be there. What right did this parent have to ruin it for everyone?

[cottonmama]

Two things:

 

First, yes. The parent should have removed the screaming child and tried to regain some sanity for everyone's sake.

 

Second, I'll bet they probably wanted to see their kid's solo, too and got overwhelmed by their toddler's meltdown. It helps not to get so pissed off at these situations if you can extend just a bit more grace than you think you can. After all, someone has probably thought the same thing when your toddler behaved like that at some point in your life. And if your toddler never did such a thing, then you are truly blessed. Take pity on those who have had socially unfortunate episodes with our children.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[Chocolate Rose]

:iagree: I can only imagine that they were cringing inside and felt like crawling under their chairs. But their child would be disappointed to look up and not see one of their parents. Extend a little kindness to people, esp those with children. :001_huh:

 

But, for 3 hours!! Couldn't one parent have removed the child for part of the time so that everyone else's experience wasn't ruined.

I'm sorry, I understand your point. But, I still think that this was just incredibly rude behavior and I'm surprised that someone (possibly the organizers of the event) didn't ask them to take the child out.

[Barb_]

:iagree: I can only imagine that they were cringing inside and felt like crawling under their chairs. But their child would be disappointed to look up and not see one of their parents. Extend a little kindness to people, esp those with children. :001_huh:

 

Nah. Sorry, the other 200 people there who paid to see their kids and used their manners take precedence.

[Juniper]

I guess I am the only person who calmly walks up to people and offer to help them, video for them, or see if I can get the kids some juice.

 

My goodness! Solve the problem. :glare:

[Barb_]

:iagree: We had a similar experience at my daughter's softball game last week and I don't blame the child at all. His mother on the other hand :glare:. The poor child VERY obviously did not feel well. The mother actually moved his stroller behind her, which upset him all the more. I wanted to go pick the poor thing up, and I'm *not* a baby person. He screamed for a full 2 hours..

 

Oh mercy. Poor baby. I feel physically ill when I'm around a crying baby or screaming toddler that no one is making a move to remove, comfort, and help. It's tormenting.

[Barb_]

I guess I am the only person who calmly walks up to people and offer to help them, video for them, or see if I can get the kids some juice.

 

My goodness! Solve the problem. :glare:

 

Y'know? People who would let a toddler scream for an entire performance are often the same people who take offense at offers of help. But point taken.

[Juniper]

Y'know? People who would let a toddler scream for an entire performance are often the same people who take offense at offers of help. But point taken.

 

Of course they are, but who cares. They get mad, you point out that it isn't fair to everyone else and your just trying to help, they get more mad and huff out, because deep down they are humiliated. Problem solved.

 

Or you open yourself up to the possibility of a very thankful mother, who's stage fright stricken child will not survive without seeing her mom in the audience or who is paralyzed by stress and fear.

 

I know it stinks to be "that" mom, but just pull on your big girl britches and do it or find someone who will.

[Jennifer in MI]

I get it. I have a child who would have been THAT child. But, I always hired a sitter so that we didn't disturb others. This mom could have done the same.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Then how about discussing hideous, obnoxious parents who can't see past their own gratification to allow the entire rest of audience some peace? Can we do that instead?

 

:iagree: AND, chances are, that if this is typical of this (these) parents behavior, that child WILL in fact mature into an obnoxious brat at some point...if he hasn't already arrived there. I'm not quick to call young dc obnoxious or brats, but they do exist and typically have their parents to thank.

[Barb_]

Of course they are, but who cares. They get mad, you point out that it isn't fair to everyone else and your just trying to help, they get more mad and huff out, because deep down they are humiliated. Problem solved.

 

 

:lol:

[cottonmama]

But, for 3 hours!! Couldn't one parent have removed the child for part of the time so that everyone else's experience wasn't ruined.

I'm sorry, I understand your point. But, I still think that this was just incredibly rude behavior and I'm surprised that someone (possibly the organizers of the event) didn't ask them to take the child out.

 

1) Perhaps the parents were wrong, but words like hideous and obnoxious (not your words, of course) have no place in a mature complaint about something like this. That is why this thread is already getting emotional....

 

2) If it was three hours straight of this, I can see a reason for being upset (not "hideous, obnoxious" upset, but quite upset)... but perhaps because I've been in this position enough times at church, I can imagine that possibly the child was not constantly screaming, and possibly things went something like this... the parents find that they have a disruptive child, they take them out of the auditorium (or talk to them quietly without leaving), said child calms down, they bring them back, child gets worked up again, and the cycle continues. Each time they think it's okay to be in there, it's not. It's frustrating and embarrassing to be in that situation, and you really hope the people around you are willing to be merciful about it.

 

The situation is SO much more stressful when there's an event where once you leave you cannot come back in... perhaps this child's parents were feeling this kind of pressure as well. If it was indeed 3 hours straight of this, it seems like the parents made a poor choice to stay inside. But I still say people ought to extend the kid and the parents a little more grace...

[Jean in Newcastle]

No, my kids never did that in public. I removed them.

 

:iagree:

[Mama2Many4]

I don't know any dance recital for children that goes on for 3 hours, but people are human. We don't know for sure how bad this kid was because people tend to stretch the truth when they're irate. I would have gone up to the mother afterward and let her know that we all go through troublesome times when children are tired, hungry, and fidgety. But that people wouldn't mind helping if she needs it. The world is very cold, unforgiving and selfish now. It's sad really.

[Pink Fairy]

That was extremely rude and thoughtless of the mom. Her wish to be there at all costs took presidence over all the other parents and all of the performers except her own child.

 

We have ushers at our recitals, I would have approached one and asked for assistance for the self-absorbed, clueless mother and her poor babe.

[ktgrok]

I'm guessing she didn't leave because her daughter would be heartbroken to have mom miss her recital.

[Impish]

I've had to deal w/toddler meltdowns in public. I honestly don't know of a mom that hasn't.

 

Frankly, I don't see how any parent has the right to inflict their tantruming toddler on others. Kid starts to melt down, you hustle them out. Period.

 

I was the single mom of 2 kids, so it's not like I always had Wolf to help out either...but you still don't make ppl around you miserable. Totally unfair.

[Barb_]

 

The situation is SO much more stressful when there's an event where once you leave you cannot come back in... perhaps this child's parents were feeling this kind of pressure as well. If it was indeed 3 hours straight of this, it seems like the parents made a poor choice to stay inside. But I still say people ought to extend the kid and the parents a little more grace...

 

Even it it were 15 minutes, that is 15 minutes too long. I've been in this situation multiple times. We have children of various ages, so we've been stuck with carting along newborns, babies, toddlers and preschoolers to sporting events, plays, concerts, recitals, etc. We always worked out which parent (or older child) would leave and which would stay behind in the event that a quick exit became necessary. That is just what you do when you have children. It's a social contract. They are my kids and my responsibility. There is no reason to inflict my child's unhappiness on the rest of the audience who paid just as much as I did to be there. Ever. People who don't get this...

 

Drive

 

Me

 

Nuts.

[5LittleMonkeys]

1) Perhaps the parents were wrong, but words like hideous and obnoxious (not your words, of course) have no place in a mature complaint about something like this. That is why this thread is already getting emotional....

 

The OP is VENTING. She didn't ask for advice on how she should have dealt with the situation or even how anyone else would have dealt with it. She was annoyed and frustrated with the situation and wanted to vent. I'm sure she wasn't looking for a finger wagging.

 

Good grief...let the poor girl get it out of her system. :grouphug: to you OP.

[Word Nerd]

But, for 3 hours!! Couldn't one parent have removed the child for part of the time so that everyone else's experience wasn't ruined.

I'm sorry, I understand your point. But, I still think that this was just incredibly rude behavior and I'm surprised that someone (possibly the organizers of the event) didn't ask them to take the child out.

 

:iagree: Someone in charge should have asked the woman to leave or made an announcement reminding the audience to turn off cell phones and take crying children outside. These things happen and it doesn't mean the kid is an obnoxious beast, but it is rude and disrespectful behavior for a parent to subject everyone else to a child's tantrum for the entire show for her own benefit (it sure wasn't for the child's benefit that she stayed!). It's not like the child is in a plane and there is nowhere else to go.

[Barb_]

It's not like the child is in a plane and there is nowhere else to go.

 

That's actually a really good point. People who get annoyed with children on plane belong in a special circle of Dante's Inferno next to the people who won't take screaming children outside. It's all about the amount of control someone has over the given situation.

[I talk to the trees]

Two things:

 

First, yes. The parent should have removed the screaming child and tried to regain some sanity for everyone's sake.

 

Second, I'll bet they probably wanted to see their kid's solo, too and got overwhelmed by their toddler's meltdown. It helps not to get so pissed off at these situations if you can extend just a bit more grace than you think you can. After all, someone has probably thought the same thing when your toddler behaved like that at some point in your life. And if your toddler never did such a thing, then you are truly blessed. Take pity on those who have had socially unfortunate episodes with our children.

 

You know what? I'd understand if they remained in the auditorium for one or two or even three numbers (some of the kids are required to do multiple routines.) But not every 3-4 minutes for the entire show. You want to see your own kid, and their sibling wails through their number? Fine by me. But I want to see my child dance, too. After all, she (and all of the other dancers and parents who were distracted by this totally inconsiderate woman) worked very hard on these routines!

 

And no, my child as never screamed "juice, gimme juice" for the entirety of a performance. Has she been to concerts and recitals where she became cranky? Yep. Did I take her out of the auditorium so that the performers and other audience members could enjoy the evening? Darned tootin', I did! I don't expect anything other than simple courtesy and basic manners. But that, apparently, was asking far too much from this particular person. Several folks actually "shushed" in the woman's direction a couple of times during the performances, but she completely ignored them.

 

Hopefully, the sound editing folks can clean up the noise on the dvd. *sigh*

[radiobrain]

First of all, the OP is using strong adjectives that she was thinking, in print. Not out loud. Not at the person, parent, or child-- so there is no harm done. Jumping all over someone for using words to express herself to get it out of her system is fine with me. If she said that to anyone's face, totally different story.

 

I think even the OP would not fault any parent for having a toddler upset in any situation..to...a...point. We have all been there, but there are certain special people (we have all come across them) who are completely oblivious to others. They also usually are the ones who flip when you confront them, or even if you politely say something. 3 hours is ridiculous. Isn't there a program?

 

We can all hypothesize about why that parent would do something...we will never know.

[Jean in Newcastle]

There are times when a child's needs come before anything else.

There are times and places where the public's needs come before you or your child's.

 

This was both. The child's needs needed to be addressed privately and quietly. If you want to train your child to wait and not get juice whenever he or she screams for it, a public setting is not the place to do the training. If your own desires to watch a child or a performance or an older child's desires to have you there is thwarted, then I'm sorry but that sometimes is the price of having a little one. I sympathize. It isn't fun to have to go out and take care of those things. But thoughtful adults do what needs to be done.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Even it it were 15 minutes, that is 15 minutes too long. I've been in this situation multiple times. We have children of various ages, so we've been stuck with carting along newborns, babies, toddlers and preschoolers to sporting events, plays, concerts, recitals, etc. We always worked out which parent (or older child) would leave and which would stay behind in the event that a quick exit became necessary. That is just what you do when you have children. It's a social contract. They are my kids and my responsibility. There is no reason to inflict my child's unhappiness on the rest of the audience who paid just as much as I did to be there. Ever. People who don't get this...

 

Drive

 

Me

 

Nuts.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I or my husband have forgone many events that my dc have participated in because I have had several children that do not do well in situations where they were required to be quite. One of us stays home because no matter how badly we want to see our child perform, our desire to be responsible parents takes precedence.

[Juniper]

First of all, the OP is using strong adjectives that she was thinking, in print. Not out loud. Not at the person, parent, or child-- so there is no harm done. Jumping all over someone for using words to express herself to get it out of her system is fine with me. If she said that to anyone's face, totally different story.

 

I think even the OP would not fault any parent for having a toddler upset in any situation..to...a...point. We have all been there, but there are certain special people (we have all come across them) who are completely oblivious to others. They also usually are the ones who flip when you confront them, or even if you politely say something. 3 hours is ridiculous. Isn't there a program?

 

We can all hypothesize about why that parent would do something...we will never know.

 

Good point. :001_smile: and that is an important distinction.

[cottonmama]

Even it it were 15 minutes, that is 15 minutes too long. I've been in this situation multiple times. We have children of various ages, so we've been stuck with carting along newborns, babies, toddlers and preschoolers to sporting events, plays, concerts, recitals, etc. We always worked out which parent (or older child) would leave and which would stay behind in the event that a quick exit became necessary. That is just what you do when you have children. It's a social contract. They are my kids and my responsibility. There is no reason to inflict my child's unhappiness on the rest of the audience who paid just as much as I did to be there. Ever. People who don't get this...

 

Drive

 

Me

 

Nuts.

 

We don't know the exact character of the episode described by the OP. If it was a tantrum of any duration, I agree. I was not trying to be contentious about the point of should the parent had taken the kid out or not. I take a tantruming child out every time.

 

But sometimes a child will be disruptive, maybe whining in short but loud outbursts while you try to hush them. Then they hush, but it repeats itself some amount (enough to annoy the OP, it would seem) over the next 3 hours. Is that screaming for 3 hours?

 

I've kept my kids in church service with me from birth, and I can tell you, it is not always black and white. Maybe this case was... the OP sure described it with conviction, but she lost credibility with me when she called the child hideous. :glare: So I give the kid and the parents the benefit of the doubt... maybe this was more of a grey area than the OP let on. When it's grey area, you do the best you can.

[mommybee]

First of all, the OP is using strong adjectives that she was thinking, in print. Not out loud. Not at the person, parent, or child-- so there is no harm done. Jumping all over someone for using words to express herself to get it out of her system is fine with me. If she said that to anyone's face, totally different story.

.

 

:iagree:

 

You said just what I was thinking.

[Word Nerd]

The world is very cold, unforgiving and selfish now. It's sad really.

 

There are also many people in the world who selfish, don't care how their actions affect others, and think that just because they have children they get a free pass to behave rudely.

[cottonmama]

1) Perhaps the parents were wrong, but words like hideous and obnoxious (not your words, of course) have no place in a mature complaint about something like this. That is why this thread is already getting emotional....

 

The OP is VENTING. She didn't ask for advice on how she should have dealt with the situation or even how anyone else would have dealt with it. She was annoyed and frustrated with the situation and wanted to vent. I'm sure she wasn't looking for a finger wagging.

 

Good grief...let the poor girl get it out of her system. :grouphug: to you OP.

 

How does it make it okay to call the child hideous behind their back?

[Barb_]

But sometimes a child will be disruptive, maybe whining in short but loud outbursts while you try to hush them. Then they hush, but it repeats itself some amount (enough to annoy the OP, it would seem) over the next 3 hours. Is that screaming for 3 hours?

 

Yes. It really is. Periodic small outbursts are as distracting as one loud one. Maybe more so because you tense up, waiting for the next one. People have different levels of tolerance. You are blessed with a high level of tolerance for distraction. Honestly, after the first 30-60 minutes of even intermittent outbursts the distraction and adrenalin spikes may have let me shaky and close to tears.

[elegantlion]

:iagree: Someone in charge should have asked the woman to leave or made an announcement reminding the audience to turn off cell phones and take crying children outside. These things happen and it doesn't mean the kid is an obnoxious beast, but it is rude and disrespectful behavior for a parent to subject everyone else to a child's tantrum for the entire show for her own benefit (it sure wasn't for the child's benefit that she stayed!). It's not like the child is in a plane and there is nowhere else to go.

 

:iagree: There should be a designated "bad guy" at every event that asks if they can help or agree to escort the parent out.

 

We never did recitals, but I can imagine I would be livid to pay and then not be able to enjoy the performance. It's not like a movie either, the outside noise is very distracting to those performing as well.

 

To the OP I would contact the venue or the instructor and ask if they can add such a person at the next event.

[Jean in Newcastle]

1) Perhaps the parents were wrong, but words like hideous and obnoxious (not your words, of course) have no place in a mature complaint about something like this. That is why this thread is already getting emotional....

 

 

How does it make it okay to call the child hideous behind their back?

 

Hideous - adj.

 

1. Ugly or disgusting to look at. I doubt that the OP was bothered by how the child looked.

 

2. extremely unpleasant. I don't know about you, but I find listening to a child scream to be extremely unpleasant. It doesn't mean that I want to abuse the child or am a child hater in general or a hater of that child in particular.

[radiobrain]

1) Perhaps the parents were wrong, but words like hideous and obnoxious (not your words, of course) have no place in a mature complaint about something like this. That is why this thread is already getting emotional....

 

 

How does it make it okay to call the child hideous behind their back?

 

Because none of us were there, no one knows who this person/child is..... it does not effect the child or the parent of the child. THERE IS NO HARM DONE. We have no idea what state, city, day, this was.... who cares! If we are going to make it a world where you can't say what you feel about something for fear that soemone else might think it's wrong, or you're the rude one...I would like to be voted off that particular island. ;)

[ThisIsTheDay]

I would have been very unhappy too. I'm so sorry. I couldn't stand 15 mins., I can't imagine what it must have been like for you.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

(And people here need to lighten up and let the OP vent. Sheesh. She's not the bad guy here.)

[I talk to the trees]

Disclaimer: (which should have been stated in the beginning): Yes, I was in a jawm mood when I posted the original post. I guess I believe that people should show respect and courtesy to other members of an audience. And I know that I should realize that some people have never been taught basic manners. I am quite distraught that my daughter's only performance this season (solos and duets are only programmed on one of the three recitals) was completely ruined for me because of my proximity to a very rude person. And this was a dance that dd's teacher had blown off quite a few lessons for, and she was nervous enough about not having enough practice time, without adding the stress of not being able to concentrate because of a squalling kid. Actually, "juice, juice" was quite a topic of conversation backstage among the dancers, according to dd.

 

So how's this for honest? I think that people should be considerate of others when attending a performance (jawm). And I am really irked that an inconsiderate person kept me from enjoying a performance that my daughter worked very hard for (jawm). And I'm feeling defensive because folks here have jumped on me for venting about such an obvious lack of manners! (jawm).

[5LittleMonkeys]

 

 

How does it make it okay to call the child hideous behind their back?

 

 

Seriously? You've never been so upset, angry, or frustrated enough that you've used derogatory terms to refer to the person that caused the problem before you've had time to calm down? If you honestly can say you haven't then I commend you. I myself, am not quite so...good.