Husbands and Decluttering

[nova147]

We have way too much stuff! I would love to get rid of 1/2 of what we own. I have two big obstacles: lack of time and DH. He likes to keep stuff. "We might need it." "It was a gift." "It was expensive." Has anyone convinced their DH to let go of stuff?

[Bluegoat]

We have way too much stuff! I would love to get rid of 1/2 of what we own. I have two big obstacles: lack of time and DH. He likes to keep stuff. "We might need it." "It was a gift." "It was expensive." Has anyone convinced their DH to let go of stuff?

 

After we moved and dh had to get a guy to come and haul away a lot of the junk in his garage, he became a lot better about this. He is still excessively sentimental about stuff though.

[ssavings]

Ugh, DH is the worst pack rat. What finally has helped, a bit, was making him help go through his mom's house (also a pack rat), and having someone other than me help DH declutter (usually, his dad goes through stuff with him).

[Pretty in Pink]

Bleh. My dh is [what I consider] overly sentimental. He also accumulates clutter easily. I know the difference between his keepsakes and his clutter; the former is stored neatly in plastic tubs in the attic, while the latter I regularly sort and purge for him while he's not around. He doesn't mind.

 

Every couple of months or so I ask him to help me load and haul large items around town to various donation centers and recycling collection facilities. He's quite helpful with this!

[blondeviolin]

Just let him watch an episode of Hoarders... :tongue_smilie:

[mom2scouts]

My dh not only wants to keep things we don't need, but he brings home all kinds of things that he finds in other people's trash. I admit that some of it is good stuff and he makes some money selling the scrap metal, but the amount of clutter we have is overwhelming. He brings stuff home much faster than I can dispose of stuff.

[Rosie_0801]

My dh carried a bag full of grit filled Christian music tapes through four house moves even though he was no longer Christian. He still likes Christian music, but Dude, you can't play them when they are filled with grit! I put my foot down the last time we moved and he spent a sentimental evening trying to play them before deciding they were no good and he threw them out. The happy ending is he has never missed them. ;)

 

I don't throw out any of dh's stuff because I need his indulgence with my books and craft stash, but anything he leaves lying around that annoys me will be bagged up and put in the shed. If I have to climb over it to get to my books, stand on it I will. He's a bit sentimental about clothing, but is more likely to get rid of the horrid, stained, grey, tracksuit jacket with the broken zip if he has a new hoodie he likes better. The trick is to find hoodies online with geeky slogans and spam him until I find one that tickles his funny bone enough that he buys it.

 

I don't seek his permission to get rid of anything belonging to the kids or I, only things that are exclusively his, so "it was a gift" or "it was expensive" isn't a problem here.

 

Rosie

[Jpoy85]

I didnt and dont convince him. I do it when hes not home. Seriously. I wait until hes at work and I chucked it all. It might sound mean, but I know hed stand there and want to go through every. single. little. thing and want to keep anything and everything. Without him, its SO much easier!

 

and do know he didnt miss a single thing I threw away? :lol:

[Parrothead]

I just throw it away. I don't much care what it is, it eventually it gets thrown away.

 

Stuff has to go through stages.

 

Stage 1: New and shiny. It sits around where it can be seen, held or played with.

 

Stage 2: Still shiny but not new. It just sits around. There is no interest in looking at, using or playing with it.

 

Stage 3: Old. Relegated to the closet or a drawer. Out of sight is out of mind.

 

Stage 4: Junk. I clean the junk out of the closets and drawers when he isn't at home. That way junk doesn't once again become a Stage 2 item.

 

The stages can take anywhere from 3 months to a year. It depends on the item.

 

In all fairness dh does know I do this. I've been up front with him since day one. I've always said I'd be more than happy to replace anything I threw away by mistake.

 

There has been only one time in 14 years that he has asked after an item that found its way to the trash. After telling him that he should replace it, he promptly forgot about it.

[sewingmama]

My dh carried a bag full of grit filled Christian music tapes through four house moves even though he was no longer Christian. He still likes Christian music, but Dude, you can't play them when they are filled with grit!

:D

 

I can go you one better - my DH has carted his "carp" from Canada to Korea back to Canada to Australia and then from Brisbane to Alice Springs and then to Adelaide :lol:

 

And what is this precious stuff that he has paid thousands of dollars to move around the world and country? Spider ridden, mildewed books, cassettes he has never played in the ten years we have been married, clothes that didn't even fit him before we were married let alone after and multiple copies of old university assignments even though he graduated 20 years ago and I'm sure they don't need to veryify his grades any longer :glare: He doesn't have one copy of these either -there are 5-6 copies of each assignment in case he looses one I guess :lol:

 

DH is looking into moving again at the end of this year. We have boxes in the shed he hasn't opened since he first moved them from Canada - 10 years ago.

 

He is keeping all his stuff for "when we get a bigger house" :lol: Buddy we live in a 4 bedroom house -it ain't gonna get any bigger with these Aussie prices.

 

Silly Canadians who are used to having a basement :lol:

[Julie Smith]

Sort of related.

 

My dh use to handle the bills by stacking them on his desk. They then feel behind his desk and the cat peed on them, more then once. So he put them in a box and taped it shut. This way we could open it if we ever needed anything.

 

That was one box I said we wouldnt move. But he wanted to look through it first.

 

After a few minutes he agreed that looking through a three year old box of cat peed paper work wasn't worth it.

 

Other than that for his stuff I just kept shrinks his space. Each time he thankedme after.

[2_girls_mommy]

Sort of related.

 

My dh use to handle the bills by stacking them on his desk. They then feel behind his desk and the cat peed on them, more then once. So he put them in a box and taped it shut. This way we could open it if we ever needed anything.

 

That was one box I said we wouldnt move. But he wanted to look through it first.

 

After a few minutes he agreed that looking through a three year old box of cat peed paper work wasn't worth it.

 

 

And we have a winner. I am literally :lol: over here.

[Rosie_0801]

:D

I can go you one better - my DH has carted his "carp" from Canada to Korea back to Canada to Australia and then from Brisbane to Alice Springs and then to Adelaide :lol:

 

You win! :lol:

 

He is keeping all his stuff for "when we get a bigger house" :lol: Buddy we live in a 4 bedroom house -it ain't gonna get any bigger with these Aussie prices.

 

Ain't that the truth! Unless you move to the Wimmera or somewhere. A few months back I found a beaut 4 bedroom house, with gorgeous polished floorboards in the northern Wimmera for 40 grand! Dh thought the 6 hour commute to work was too much, so we had to give it a miss. :(:lol:

 

Silly Canadians who are used to having a basement :lol:

 

Why do people complain about basements? They sound great!

 

Rosie

[Shellers]

... Has anyone convinced their DH to let go of stuff?

 

Nope! My DH loves to hold onto everything. :confused:

[Melissa in Australia]

:lol:

:D

 

 

Silly Canadians who are used to having a basement :lol:

 

From the wife of one Canadian to another. I AGREE:lol:

[Alyeska]

I have successfully done this! :)

 

I gave my dh one week notice...told him that the following week I wanted to sit down with him and go through his stuff in the closet. He agreed. I reminded him the day before. Then the day came and we went through all his stuff. Believe it or not, he got rid of HALF of it! (of course a lot of it was trash--empty containers to rifle scopes, broken stuff from being crammed into his closet.) And I didn't have to prompt him either. Once it was all out for him to see all in one place and time, he could decide what he needed and what he didn't.

 

Sometimes people can't get rid of stuff simply by being told. They need someone to go through stuff with them and help them sort and organize. My dh is one of those. :)

[desertmum]

My dh is very sentimental over family heirlooms (read:junk). He's got a old radio which is in pieces but he still keeps because it was his granny's. He's got a table clock given to his daddy when he retired. The clock is old, insanely ugly and doesn't even work -yet it was on display in our dinningroom. Need I go on? :glare:

[fraidycat]

We have way too much stuff! I would love to get rid of 1/2 of what we own. I have two big obstacles: lack of time and DH. He likes to keep stuff. "We might need it." "It was a gift." "It was expensive." Has anyone convinced their DH to let go of stuff?

 

My DH was the same way, so I went on "strike" and quit cleaning the house...told him I was too overwhelmed trying to keep up with all the stuff that I did not even want to own and if he wanted to own it, then it was his responsibility to take care of it. We still have too much stuff due to lack of time or motivation to sort through it, but he is a lot more willing to get rid of junk and even does his own mini-purges once in awhile.

 

Also we move...a LOT. Packing is 99% my responsibility. We "lose" many things in our moves. ;)

[kolamum]

I'm most certainly not the clutter bug in our family.

 

My dh use to be, he's not so much anymore. When we were first married he loved to keep everything & if I didn't he said I wasn't sentimental enough. His attitude changed quickly when we moved, 8 years later, from one country to another.

 

I had the house packed, except for his stuff. When he got all his packed up he felt we had too many boxes & wanted me to cull back. I told him to cull his own stuff. :lol: Cheeky, I know. We went back to the states a few years after moving & moved stuff from one storage facility to the property of family. Dh culled HUGE that time. He suddenly realized there was a huge difference between need & want, sentimental & stupidity. ;)

 

Now, if I could convince my sweet mil of that.. She's moved twice & had so much stuff. She's in a two bedroom flat right now with too much junk. The garage is stacked full with stuff she'll never used. You can't easily get up and down the only hallway which is the in & out of the place. She just can't let go. She's worried if she gets rid of something someone gives her they'll be upset with her. She's also not willing to get rid of some stuff that was fil's {he passed away 8 years ago..}

[Dana]

It's the other way round in our house. My husband is ruthless when cleaning. Haven't used it lately? Toss it. He finally has given up on my areas of the house.

[DawnM]

My husband is ok with getting rid of most things. It is my KIDS who are horrible pack rats.

 

Just you wait, when the older two go to camp this summer.....WATCH OUT! :D

[garddwr]

I count marrying a minimalist as one of my greatest blessings! Before we got married he was helping me move to a new apartment. I was a college student and everything I owned fit easily in one van load--but as he carried the boxes he asked: "how much of this do you think you could get rid of before we get married?". When we married, his entire contribution to our household goods fit in two suitcases and one smallish box. I'm a bit of a pack-rat by nature but living for years in small apartments with a growing family, together with my husband's example, have taught me not to hold onto things. I have no idea how you convince a husband who doesn't want to let go of things--especially when he is not the one taking care of all the things in the meantime!

[nova147]

We need a like button on the boards! I love your stories. I spit out coffee TWICE while reading the replies this morning. My kids think I'm crazy.

 

Well, we are moving soon. So maybe I'll start packing the things I want to keep and let him deal with the rest. I would just stop picking stuff up, but there would be a riot - DH has some of those unreasonable expectations about how well I can keep the house up while homeschooling and caring for our kids! I actually want to make it to our 10 year anniversary this summer!

 

He totally gets this from his parents. They just moved and MIL already has a completely full junk drawer again. My junk drawer gets cleaned and reorganized twice a month. :D They bought a house that needed gutted and remodeled. They have EVERY. SINGLE. piece of scrap wood. I was in their basement yesterday and saw hundreds of cans of spray paint. It's nuts. I thought the process of moving would cull the stuff, but I think they just moved it all! :eek:

 

As for why people complain about basements: they are dark, often wet, and, worst of all, allow pack rats to accumulate more clutter!

[Julie Smith]

Sort of related.

 

My dh use to handle the bills by stacking them on his desk. They then feel behind his desk and the cat peed on them, more then once. So he put them in a box and taped it shut. This way we could open it if we ever needed anything.

 

That was one box I said we wouldnt move. But he wanted to look through it first.

 

After a few minutes he agreed that looking through a three year old box of cat peed paper work wasn't worth it.

 

Other than that for his stuff I just kept shrinks his space. Each time he thankedme after.

 

And we have a winner. I am literally :lol: over here.

 

I did end up taking over the paper work, since that was his way to deal with it. Then he would dig through the paperwork at tax time. Eeewww. And it was always cat peed on. And almost 99% just phone bills, that sort of paper work, not tax related stuff. We had more then one box of these "old bills".

 

I just took the ones that said, "Save for tax purposes" (which were put aside up high 99% of the time) and took them to the mall and got one of those places in the mall to do it.

 

That guy from the mall has been doing our taxes ever since. He must be good since he went from a guy in the mall to someone in the city with a corner office. He likes us so keeps us as clients even though he usually only deals with millionaires.

 

The clutter my dh has had trouble with is computer clutter. He would just take over a room and eventually fill it with wires he might one day need, hardware that he might one day use, .... Over time I kept his moving down in size from a room. To a room that would even fit his computer desk, and eventually to a closet.

 

He has noticed all along that he never needed any of that stuff. Or if he had he admitted he would not have been able to find the "thing" he needed in the mess and would have ended up buying a new one anyway.

 

:D

 

I can go you one better - my DH has carted his "carp" from Canada to Korea back to Canada to Australia and then from Brisbane to Alice Springs and then to Adelaide :lol:

 

And what is this precious stuff that he has paid thousands of dollars to move around the world and country? Spider ridden, mildewed books, cassettes he has never played in the ten years we have been married, clothes that didn't even fit him before we were married let alone after and multiple copies of old university assignments even though he graduated 20 years ago and I'm sure they don't need to veryify his grades any longer :glare: He doesn't have one copy of these either -there are 5-6 copies of each assignment in case he looses one I guess :lol:

 

DH is looking into moving again at the end of this year. We have boxes in the shed he hasn't opened since he first moved them from Canada - 10 years ago.

 

He is keeping all his stuff for "when we get a bigger house" :lol: Buddy we live in a 4 bedroom house -it ain't gonna get any bigger with these Aussie prices.

 

Silly Canadians who are used to having a basement :lol:

 

Now this one is the winner, or at least the one I would vote for winner.

 

It does remind me of some my dh did when we first moved in together. He had been living alone for years. I was still a teen so didn't have as much stuff. We had just moved into a new (to us) place. He had put away his clothes in his draws and left me two draws for my clothes .

 

I'm like :glare:. He says, but I need the rest of the draws to fit my clothes. He acted apologetic about it, but a attitude of, "What can I do about it." He said we could go shopping for more dressers and squeeze them in somehow.

 

I then went through his clothes with him. He had clothes that hadn't fit him in a very long time. Perhaps they could have fit halve of him. Brown corduroys pants.... Well after we culled his clothes there was plenty of room for everything.

 

He acted like I was totally amazing. I could cull his clothes that didn't fit. And I knew how to get rid of them, (Garbage or thrift store depending). He thought I was a absolute genius for this ability.

[Jeannie in NJ]

it took me forever to get dh to toss the Beta vcr and the boxes of Beta tapes. I kept telling him Beta is over, it is not coming back, it is done. He finally tossed all of them after letting ds take apart the vcr.

 

Now we have boxes of VHS tapes and no working video player, we use a Bluray dvd player. so I need to convince him to toss ALL the tapes (hundreds of them).

[vonfirmath]

It's the other way round in our house. My husband is ruthless when cleaning. Haven't used it lately? Toss it. He finally has given up on my areas of the house.

 

I am certainly the packrat in our family. I keep trying to get rid of stuff.... but not very successfully it feels.

[homeschool mom]

I kept reading all the posts for hints to declutter because my husband is a pack rat. Actually, more like a hoarder. He is still buying (used) VHS tapes. He needs to pare back, but first I will have to decrease & give away alot of my saved stuff before I really get cooperation from him!

[myfunnybunch]

Just let him watch an episode of Hoarders... :tongue_smilie:

 

My dh cleaned his office after we watched that show.

 

Hmmm....I can't abide the show (so sad), but the office is getting messy again.....

 

Cat