DS4 is begging to be homeschooled and I'm not sure I want to!

[KirstenH]

Please talk me through this. My 4YO DS is our social butterfly. I always assumed he'd do best in a school setting and that he would be lonely at home. Since we've brought DS7 home, though, DS4 is begging not to go to preschool anymore, and to stay home for kindergarten. He says he wants ME to teach him his letters, and math, and reading and all that.

 

Here are my concerns:

 

1. I've tried those things. He doesn't learn. It's to the point where I'm wondering if he needs to be evaluated for dyslexia because he just. Cannot. Remember! any of his letters besides X, O and the ones in his very short first name (and even those he mixes up a lot). You can be sitting with him and he alphabet and point to R and say, "This is R. He'll say "R," and then a moment later you point to R again and ask "What letter is this?" and he'll say "T" or "E" or "D." I asked him what he wants to learn if he stays home, and he says, "I'm just going to draw." The truth is, I don't know the first thing about teaching someone who struggles to memorize basic facts. My eldest was reading pretty fluently and doing basic math by this age, and not because I really pushed it -- he just "got" it.

 

2. Teaching DS7 is hard enough. I'm not sure I have the time or mental energy to add a second full-time student. I think homeschooling is great, but I didn't really choose it; it chose us. DS7 is gifted and probably 2E (we're having him tested for Aspergers), and the school couldn't accommodate him properly. I'm only doing this because I can't afford or logistically work out sending him to the gifted school an hour away from here. I'm able to do it because the hardest part of my job is dealing with his numerous personality quirks (which I do anyway as a parent). Academically, he's a dream to deal with. That said, my limited energy and resources are directed toward meeting his acceleration needs while encouraging him to grow in maturity and self-discipline. Our school day takes 3-4 hours, and it requires ALL of my focus (I have ADHD myself). I don't see how both kids won't suffer if I try to divide my attention between them.

 

3. Like I said, DS4 is our social one. He's incredibly emotionally gifted, at least compared to the rest of us Aspie-types. I don't want him to become handicapped by spending all of his time with socially awkward people who struggle to empathize and get along with others, especially when it seems to come so naturally to him. I don't want us to damage him.

 

I know I am the mom, and I can just send him to school whether he wants to go or not ... but I don't want him to feel rejected by us, and I don't want him to be miserable there. I really just think at this age, school is probably the best choice for him and for the rest of us. I don't feel ready to teach a reluctant and struggling reader how to read, especially not while trying to meet the all-consuming needs of his 2E older brother, and I think he needs to have his little friends. (We live in the country on acreage, and he only has big brother to play with outside of school.)

 

This is rambling, I know, and I'm sorry for it. Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me?

[DianeW88]

Just know that you will be struggling to did his homework with him, because he most likely still won't "get it" in school with a teacher who will have even less time to spend with him.

 

The homework will come late in the day when he is already tired and it will be more of a struggle for both of you.

 

I guess my advice would be to choose your battles.

 

However, I am very pro-homeschool, so take my advice FWIW. :D

[JessReplanted]

Just know that you will be struggling to did his homework with him, because he most likely still won't "get it" in school with a teacher who will have even less time to spend with him.

 

The homework will come late in the day when he is already tired and it will be more of a struggle for both of you.

 

I guess my advice would be to choose your battles.

 

However, I am very pro-homeschool, so take my advice FWIW. :D

 

:iagree:

 

I'd homeschool him. Also, if you are seriously concerned that he has a learning disability, I'd look into getting him tested.

 

Do you have any of the Leapfrog Letter videos? I swear they are magical!

 

I'd also make sure that your very social son has a chance to see other people once in a while. For us, that is church on Sunday and home group on one night a week. I am also an introvert with extroverted kids, but I don't think they are suffering at all by being home.

 

Oh, and FWIW, my son didn't learn anything at pre-school. He really enjoyed going there, but it wasn't until I started homeschooling him (at 5 1/2) that he really got a grasp on all of the letters and their sounds.

Edited April 12, 2012 by JessReplanted

[desertmum]

Here are my concerns:

 

3. Like I said, DS4 is our social one. He's incredibly emotionally gifted, at least compared to the rest of us Aspie-types. I don't want him to become handicapped by spending all of his time with socially awkward people who struggle to empathize and get along with others, especially when it seems to come so naturally to him. I don't want us to damage him.

 

This is rambling, I know, and I'm sorry for it. Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me?

 

I can only address this point, as I'm pretty much a newbie myself. When I first started I was worried about socialisation. DS is also a social butterfly and more extrovert than Robbie Williams! I thought he might become ddepressed being stuck at home with me. Well, it turned out I couldn't be more wrong. I found that going to extracurricular activities like art class and football,etc. provided ds with more than ample opportunity to make friends and learn the rules of what works and what doesn't.

 

At the moment ds has got a large groups of friends (most go to ps) and he's got more playdates than he can handle. He is very popular because he gets along with children both older and younger than himself. He can and does approach other children in the playground and not shy about talking to adults either. Hope this helps.

[KirstenH]

That's a good point about the homework. It was by far my least favorite part of the day with DS7 when he was in school, and the school we're zoned for assigns a lot of it in Kindergarten, most of it reading related. I had forgotten how much work it was.

 

We do have the Leapfrog Letter Factory video. He only cares about the storyline, not the letters. Like, he only cares how all the characters feel about things and whether Tad will win the Best Dad essay contest. He sees the letters and that they're part of the story, but they mean nothing to him. He's like that with everything ... he's drawn to people, not concepts. He's the complete opposite of his cerebral, socially clueless brother.

 

So, if I homeschool him, is it cheating to go the super gentle route with him for my own sanity? It sounds so silly in my head as I type it out -- after all, isn't the point of homeschooling to individualize things? -- but when I'm busting my tail to provide a rigorous, accelerated education for my eldest, it feels like a betrayal of my values or worse yet, a "writing off" of the little one to do something "easier" with him, especially as I have reason to believe he's ALSO gifted, just in a different way. (Holy run-on-sentence, Batman. Sorry about that.)

 

I do need to get him tested.

 

ETA: Thanks for the social perspective, Desertmum. I guess I just worry that a socially adept kid in a houseful of quirky, awkward types will regress in an attempt to fit in. I need to find us some more social activities anyway ... sigh.

Edited April 12, 2012 by KirstenH

[JudoMom]

Just know that you will be struggling to did his homework with him, because he most likely still won't "get it" in school with a teacher who will have even less time to spend with him.

 

The homework will come late in the day when he is already tired and it will be more of a struggle for both of you.

 

I guess my advice would be to choose your battles.

 

However, I am very pro-homeschool, so take my advice FWIW. :D

 

:iagree:

[Ellie]

Of course you should homeschool him.

 

That he cannot seem to remember his letters does not mean he's a "struggling reader." It means he's just a 4yo little guy, who is probably not very visual. Just pointing to a letter in a book and having him repeat it after you is not necessarily teaching him to read it. It also does NOT mean that he's "dyslexic." It probably means he'll be more ready to read in a year or so, and that you'll want to do Spalding or one of its spin-offs (probably not AAR, since it doesn't involve any writing, and he may need that kinethetic relationship between the sound a letter makes and how it feels when he writes it and says it).

 

That he is more social is even more reason to keep him home. Allowing socializing on a controlled, limited basis will help keep him from becoming peer dependent, and to develop maturity. Hanging out daily for four or more hours with people equally as immature as he doesn't help the maturing process. It's just children pooling their ignorance.

[TexasRachel]

He's 4. Relax. My DS does the same thing. After about 3 weeks he'll now tell me 'a' consistently. We're doing lots of hands on letter play. Writing in sand, play doth, etc. you may just need to look for different activities.

[KirstenH]

Hanging out daily for four or more hours with people equally as immature as he doesn't help the maturing process. It's just children pooling their ignorance.

 

I appreciate your bluntness. :D

 

So if he can't read, and isn't ready to read, what do you DO with a 5 year old while you educate the others? Left to his own devices, he'll spend his time playing video games, watching shows, or drawing pictures. This is why I love preschool -- it entertains him in a wholesome way (even if he's not learning much) while I'm freed to focus on DS7 and my own work (I'm a writer who works from home). I'm well aware that preschool is glorified babysitting, but it worked for us until DS4 got the idea in his head that he'd rather not be there.

[ktgrok]

First, yes, he could have a disability. But that won't be accomodated at school at all, so remember that.

 

Second, seriously, get Leapfrog Letter Factory DVD. I am usually against using technology to teach, but between Letter Factory (not the others) and Starfall.com, my 2 year learned her letters in a few weeks! It was INSANE. I had no intention of her learning them. The combo is amazing. You can get the video off amazon for fairly cheap, and starfall.com is free for the alphabet part.

 

 

Oh, I see you have letter factory. Try starfall. No plot there to distract him. Also, my son has zero reading issues now, but didn't learn to read until he was 6, almost 7 years old. He wasn't ready before that. He could NOT learn the letters at 5, I can't imagine trying to teach him at 4. But by 3rd grade ws reading at a middle school level, and now tests at a college level at age 12.

Edited April 12, 2012 by ktgrok

[Ellie]

I appreciate your bluntness. :D

 

So if he can't read, and isn't ready to read, what do you DO with a 5 year old while you educate the others? Left to his own devices, he'll spend his time playing video games, watching shows, or drawing pictures. This is why I love preschool -- it entertains him in a wholesome way (even if he's not learning much) while I'm freed to focus on DS7 and my own work (I'm a writer who works from home). I'm well aware that preschool is glorified babysitting, but it worked for us until DS4 got the idea in his head that he'd rather not be there.

I'd keep all screens turned off. :-)

 

I'm sure there are things he can do. There's nothing wrong with drawing pictures. :) You can do basic arithmetic with him. I've always liked Mathematics Made Meaningful, which uses Cuinsenaire rods and task cards. You read the task card to him and let him have at it. The first one is very simple: dump the rods on the table and have the dc separate them into piles according to color. Mess up the rods, then separate into piles according to size. Wow! They're the same piles! Children love messing with C rods. :-) Eventually, MMM teaches basic arithmetic, fractions, and more.

 

He can do puzzles.

 

He can do ReadyWriter. You'll just want to help him hold his pencil correctly and to have good posture (those two things will help keep him from being tired and cranky when he writes).

 

He can learn geography songs. If you have globes and maps readily available, he'll mess around with those, too.

 

And you can spend some time each day teaching him to read with a good phonics method. I, of course, will recommend Spalding :D which is very simple for a 5yo and not very time consuming.

 

:D

[Homemama2]

I'd keep him home. My ds is a social butterfly/extrovert....me, not so much. It doesn't matter. The kid makes friends everywhere he goes, yet he is the first to say that he wants to be homeschooled.

[Kertie]

Of course you should homeschool him.

 

That he cannot seem to remember his letters does not mean he's a "struggling reader." It means he's just a 4yo little guy, who is probably not very visual. Just pointing to a letter in a book and having him repeat it after you is not necessarily teaching him to read it. It also does NOT mean that he's "dyslexic." It probably means he'll be more ready to read in a year or so, and that you'll want to do Spalding or one of its spin-offs (probably not AAR, since it doesn't involve any writing, and he may need that kinethetic relationship between the sound a letter makes and how it feels when he writes it and says it).

 

That he is more social is even more reason to keep him home. Allowing socializing on a controlled, limited basis will help keep him from becoming peer dependent, and to develop maturity. Hanging out daily for four or more hours with people equally as immature as he doesn't help the maturing process. It's just children pooling their ignorance.

 

:iagree:

[Teachin'Mine]

He's 4yo. Many, especially boys, take longer to get their letters and all. It sounds like he'd be on the younger end in Kindergarten too. I'd definitely bring him home. For the social aspect, I'd find activities and/or a homeschool group to join.

[freesia]

Hi,

I just want to say that MOST 4 year olds are not ready to read. That's why most cultures wait/have waited until closer to 6. It's a brain thing. I wouldn't even speculate on whether he has a learning disability. My present first grader had trouble remembering the names of letters until the beginning of this year and is now reading at a third grade level. As a former first grade teacher I can tell you many, many stories like this. Reading is developmental, really.

[meggie]

Oh there are so many fun ways to keep him occupied without resorting to the TV and that don't require a lot of attention from you. Scour Pinterest for some great ideas. My kids like to cut things. They like to use plastic tongs from the dollar store to move pom poms and large beans around. You can make some sensory bins. You can draw a large outlined letter and have him paste cotton balls to them. You can cut colored pipe cleaners into 1" lengths, put them in a clear plastic tupperware or mason jar and give him a heavy duty magnet. You can get a book of file folder games and make a bunch. You can buy a lap sized dry erase board and some dry erase crayons. You can let him just play with Cuisinaire rods without having to try teaching him math. Just let him play. I prefer the MUS blocks because they are like larger Legos. My two year old like to take a big 100 square and put the other blocks on top of them and make various designs with them. You can get Geoboards or wood pattern blocks. So much fun stuff for a kid his age.

 

I keep everything locked in file drawers. They can get one thing out at a time but if they want something else, they need to clean up first.

 

You can let him do these activities at the table with you and your other son. When your older son is doing something independently you can try to get some "schooling" in with your younger. If he's not ready for formal academics yet, don't worry. I would think at his age it's ok to have a year of just fun stuff. Have him tested for dyslexia and if he has it learn how to work with it. If he isn't dyslexic, then try again in a few months.

 

Honestly, I thought adding my 2 year old to our homeschooling routine was going to be the worst thing ever. It turned out great. He gets to do fun things or play or join in whenever he wants, but it allows me and my kindergartener more time to get everything done. Best decision ever.

[Calm37]

I appreciate your bluntness. :D

 

So if he can't read, and isn't ready to read, what do you DO with a 5 year old while you educate the others? Left to his own devices, he'll spend his time playing video games, watching shows, or drawing pictures. This is why I love preschool -- it entertains him in a wholesome way (even if he's not learning much) while I'm freed to focus on DS7 and my own work (I'm a writer who works from home). I'm well aware that preschool is glorified babysitting, but it worked for us until DS4 got the idea in his head that he'd rather not be there.

 

The drawing is a great activity, think of it as pre-writing. Save an educational video to use with your 5yo while you work one on one with the 7yo. Legos are a great math manipulative. Also, get some fun/easy workbooks or educational games and put all that stuff with the drawing materials, Play-doh/clay, Legos and video choices in a "school box" for him.

 

Blessings,

[catz]

Hi,

I just want to say that MOST 4 year olds are not ready to read. That's why most cultures wait/have waited until closer to 6. It's a brain thing. I wouldn't even speculate on whether he has a learning disability. My present first grader had trouble remembering the names of letters until the beginning of this year and is now reading at a third grade level. As a former first grade teacher I can tell you many, many stories like this. Reading is developmental, really.

 

:iagree: I don't think you can conclusively say anything about a 4 year old that doesn't know letters.

 

I always thought my youngest would want to go to school but she's pretty sure she wouldn't have enough social time. :D. She does a ton out of the house for a 7 year old but it's going great.

[KirstenH]

When your older son is doing something independently you can try to get some "schooling" in with your younger.

 

This is a huge worry of mine. DS7 doesn't do ANYTHING independently, unless you count after school. The reason I pulled him out is that he needs to be sat on to get anything done. He's capable of very high-level work, but he lacks the EF skills to motivate himself to do it unsupervised. If I take my eyes off him for a second, he's gone ... literally. Like, he'll wander away and go do something else. This is why I doubt my ability to school them both. They're too far apart in age and ability to combine them, and I don't have time to do two separate school days.

 

Honestly, I thought adding my 2 year old to our homeschooling routine was going to be the worst thing ever. It turned out great. He gets to do fun things or play or join in whenever he wants, but it allows me and my kindergartener more time to get everything done. Best decision ever.

 

Thanks, that's reassuring. He does like to sit with us and just draw or paint on the days he's not at Pre-K. He doesn't bother us any, but he's effectively ignored, which I feel bad about.

 

Re: screens vs. other stuff -- The TV is in the school room, so the Wii and videos don't get watched while we do school ... but there are a number of laptops and tablets in the house and he will often go get one and play a game or watch Nick Jr. that way if he gets bored with the drawing/painting. He does play with blocks pretty often, so maybe he'll like the Cuisenaire rods. I like the idea of having him sort things.

 

Maybe this can work, I don't know. I just wasn't planning on this at all, at least not for early elementary. I'm not very patient, and I'm not a little kid person. I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my little guy, but the idea of being responsible for whether or not he reads and does basic math freaks me out more than a little bit. It was easy with DS7 because he essentially taught himself (with a little help from me, but not much) to read and do easy math, and school helped him refine his skills. So he came home with those skills already present that make teaching everything else possible. Starting from scratch is really a different concept, something I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around.

[HiddenJewel]

That he cannot seem to remember his letters does not mean he's a "struggling reader." It means he's just a 4yo little guy, who is probably not very visual. Just pointing to a letter in a book and having him repeat it after you is not necessarily teaching him to read it. It also does NOT mean that he's "dyslexic." It probably means he'll be more ready to read in a year or so, and that you'll want to do Spalding or one of its spin-offs (probably not AAR, since it doesn't involve any writing, and he may need that kinethetic relationship between the sound a letter makes and how it feels when he writes it and says it).

 

 

It totally agree. My 4-year old would be described just like the OP. And he is definitely not challenged, just not ready. Now that he is almost 5 he has learned all his first 26 phonograms but does yet understand that words are broken into sounds. So we wait until he is ready for that next step. But the thing I noticed when he did start learning his sounds is that he has a HUGE need for the writing-sound connection. I taught the sounds connected to writing (thankfully). And even now when we are drilling the cards orally, he will still write on a paper or in the air while he is saying the sounds.

[KirstenH]

It totally agree. My 4-year old would be described just like the OP. And he is definitely not challenged, just not ready. Now that he is almost 5 he has learned all his first 26 phonograms but does yet understand that words are broken into sounds. So we wait until he is ready for that next step. But the thing I noticed when he did start learning his sounds is that he has a HUGE need for the writing-sound connection. I taught the sounds connected to writing (thankfully). And even now when we are drilling the cards orally, he will still write on a paper or in the air while he is saying the sounds.

 

Oh, interesting. DS4 does this with the letters in his name. If you ask him how to spell it, he traces it in the air with his finger instead of saying the letters (which he doesn't know). Maybe an entry-level handwriting program would be better for him than phonics to start with? Doesn't HWOT have a letter-recognition and writing program? Hmm.

[Mommy22alyns]

On the social butterfly thing... Rebecca is our social butterfly too and she is absolutely happy being homeschooled. She gets plenty of time around other people and doesn't feel stunted in the slightest. ;) Just sayin'.

[MrsBasil]

My kids are young, so grain of salt, but can you have him finish out the year and not commit to him for next year just yet? Try getting some independent activities in place, find some social outlets, and see if you can get a workable groove going over the summer. That way it may not be as stressful come fall.

[meggie]

This is a huge worry of mine. DS7 doesn't do ANYTHING independently, unless you count after school. The reason I pulled him out is that he needs to be sat on to get anything done. He's capable of very high-level work, but he lacks the EF skills to motivate himself to do it unsupervised. If I take my eyes off him for a second, he's gone ... literally. Like, he'll wander away and go do something else. This is why I doubt my ability to school them both. They're too far apart in age and ability to combine them, and I don't have time to do two separate school days.

 

Then I wouldn't worry about that yet. It's ok. Your four year old can do his activities next to you. You can still give lots of hugs, kisses, smiles, etc while working with your oldest. (or at least I think you can. we work at a little kid table and I sit in a little kid chair. maybe it would be harder at a normal sized table :lol:) but I do think my two year old likes to spend so much time with us because he gets a lot of attention that way. Again, maybe it won't for you, but I was really surprised at how well it all worked out.

 

When he's ready for more formal schooling, maybe your older son will be a little more independent. If not, I wonder if you set the timer for 15 minutes and let him have a break, but not leave the room, you could probably get in a little with your younger son. For a kindergartener, you'd only need a few of those a day. I do that for my 6 year old, he runs around a little then comes back to work when the buzzer goes off.

 

I think it can be done. It may involve a lot of tweaking and trying new things. I was relieved when someone told me to give it six months. It was about the sixth month when we found our groove and got it all to work. If it takes an adjustment period, that's ok too.

 

And if you absolutely must send him, there's no guilt in that. But I do think it can be done :001_smile:

[KirstenH]

My kids are young, so grain of salt, but can you have him finish out the year and not commit to him for next year just yet? Try getting some independent activities in place, find some social outlets, and see if you can get a workable groove going over the summer. That way it may not be as stressful come fall.

 

I'm definitely having him finish the year. I paid thousands of dollars for him to be there and there's only a little over a month left. I'm supposed to be turning in our paperwork and money for next year (he doesn't meet the cutoff for K, so he'd be in PK4 next year even though he'll turn 5 at the beginning of the year), but now that he wants to homeschool, I'm on the fence. It's a LOT of money.

[Rosie_0801]

He does like to sit with us and just draw or paint on the days he's not at Pre-K. He doesn't bother us any, but he's effectively ignored, which I feel bad about.

 

Well don't. If it were your elder, you'd be delighted at him working independently. :tongue_smilie: There is nothing wrong with a PreK kid sitting at the table with his folks doing art. He wouldn't be able to do art if you were in his way!

 

Maybe this can work, I don't know. I just wasn't planning on this at all, at least not for early elementary. I'm not very patient, and I'm not a little kid person. I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my little guy, but the idea of being responsible for whether or not he reads and does basic math freaks me out more than a little bit.

 

Heheh, I'm not a little kid person either. I LIKE mine a lot, but I'll probably like them even more when they are reading. It can work for you. You can do half an hour of literacy, numeracy and play a little kid board game with your young fella, provide him with blocks, puzzles and art materials, read him a bedtime story and call it good. Because it is good. Half an hour of structured time is plenty for him, then you can move onto big brother.

 

 

Rosie

[KirstenH]

Then I wouldn't worry about that yet. It's ok. Your four year old can do his activities next to you. You can still give lots of hugs, kisses, smiles, etc while working with your oldest. (or at least I think you can. we work at a little kid table and I sit in a little kid chair. maybe it would be harder at a normal sized table :lol:) but I do think my two year old likes to spend so much time with us because he gets a lot of attention that way. Again, maybe it won't for you, but I was really surprised at how well it all worked out.

 

When he's ready for more formal schooling, maybe your older son will be a little more independent. If not, I wonder if you set the timer for 15 minutes and let him have a break, but not leave the room, you could probably get in a little with your younger son. For a kindergartener, you'd only need a few of those a day. I do that for my 6 year old, he runs around a little then comes back to work when the buzzer goes off.

 

I think it can be done. It may involve a lot of tweaking and trying new things. I was relieved when someone told me to give it six months. It was about the sixth month when we found our groove and got it all to work. If it takes an adjustment period, that's ok too.

 

And if you absolutely must send him, there's no guilt in that. But I do think it can be done :001_smile:

 

Thanks for your encouragement. :) The fifteen minute thing is a great idea. I do give DS7 little breaks throughout our day. Usually I use them to count to ten slowly (if you know what I mean), give DS4 a snack and a quick snuggle, and check my e-mail. I suppose I could just as easily use them to do school stuff.

[Ellie]

This is a huge worry of mine. DS7 doesn't do ANYTHING independently, unless you count after school. The reason I pulled him out is that he needs to be sat on to get anything done. He's capable of very high-level work, but he lacks the EF skills to motivate himself to do it unsupervised. If I take my eyes off him for a second, he's gone ... literally. Like, he'll wander away and go do something else. This is why I doubt my ability to school them both. They're too far apart in age and ability to combine them, and I don't have time to do two separate school days.

Well, you know, you can schedule a couple of times during the day where it's ok for him to wander off while you work with the little guy. 'Cuz he's just little, too, and he needs some goof-off time. :)

 

 

 

Re: screens vs. other stuff -- The TV is in the school room, so the Wii and videos don't get watched while we do school ... but there are a number of laptops and tablets in the house and he will often go get one and play a game or watch Nick Jr. that way if he gets bored with the drawing/painting. He does play with blocks pretty often, so maybe he'll like the Cuisenaire rods. I like the idea of having him sort things.

A little screen time is fine, especially at his age, especially if he knows it's allowed when you're working with his brother. I just wouldn't want him to spend all of his time with his face in a screen.

 

Maybe this can work, I don't know. I just wasn't planning on this at all, at least not for early elementary. I'm not very patient, and I'm not a little kid person. I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my little guy, but the idea of being responsible for whether or not he reads and does basic math freaks me out more than a little bit. It was easy with DS7 because he essentially taught himself (with a little help from me, but not much) to read and do easy math, and school helped him refine his skills. So he came home with those skills already present that make teaching everything else possible. Starting from scratch is really a different concept, something I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around.

I know how you feel. I wasn't sure I could do it, either, but turns out it isn't nearly as difficult as I imagined. :)

[JudoMom]

This is a huge worry of mine. DS7 doesn't do ANYTHING independently, unless you count after school. The reason I pulled him out is that he needs to be sat on to get anything done. He's capable of very high-level work, but he lacks the EF skills to motivate himself to do it unsupervised. If I take my eyes off him for a second, he's gone ... literally. Like, he'll wander away and go do something else. This is why I doubt my ability to school them both. They're too far apart in age and ability to combine them, and I don't have time to do two separate school days.

 

 

 

Thanks, that's reassuring. He does like to sit with us and just draw or paint on the days he's not at Pre-K. He doesn't bother us any, but he's effectively ignored, which I feel bad about.

 

Re: screens vs. other stuff -- The TV is in the school room, so the Wii and videos don't get watched while we do school ... but there are a number of laptops and tablets in the house and he will often go get one and play a game or watch Nick Jr. that way if he gets bored with the drawing/painting. He does play with blocks pretty often, so maybe he'll like the Cuisenaire rods. I like the idea of having him sort things.

 

Maybe this can work, I don't know. I just wasn't planning on this at all, at least not for early elementary. I'm not very patient, and I'm not a little kid person. I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my little guy, but the idea of being responsible for whether or not he reads and does basic math freaks me out more than a little bit. It was easy with DS7 because he essentially taught himself (with a little help from me, but not much) to read and do easy math, and school helped him refine his skills. So he came home with those skills already present that make teaching everything else possible. Starting from scratch is really a different concept, something I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around.

 

We have a school room, and my guys have learned over the years that they stay in the room until they are dismissed. Keep him in the room with you, with a bunch of activities. Painting, drawing, playdough, math manipulatives, quiet toys that don't interest your older boy, etc.

 

You can do this. Teaching a child to read and do early math isn't hard at all. Lessons can take 5-15 minutes, that's it.

[KungFuPanda]

He's 4yo. Many' date=' especially boys, take longer to get their letters and all. It sounds like he'd be on the younger end in Kindergarten too. I'd definitely bring him home. For the social aspect, I'd find activities and/or a homeschool group to join.[/quote']

 

:iagree: 4 -year-old boys are almost babies. I'd relax, have him finish preschool, then give K a go next year. If he has trouble learning, try K AGAIN when he's six. I think homeschooling is just easier when you start at the beginning and your 'school day' only really takes 30-60 minutes of structure. If you can keep him away from the screens, it'll probably work out just fine and he will mature A LOT in the next few years.

[tex-mex]

:iagree: 4 -year-old boys are almost babies. I'd relax, have him finish preschool, then give K a go next year. If he has trouble learning, try K AGAIN when he's six. I think homeschooling is just easier when you start at the beginning and your 'school day' only really takes 30-60 minutes of structure. If you can keep him away from the screens, it'll probably work out just fine and he will mature A LOT in the next few years.

:iagree:

 

Keep him in preschool for an additional year.

 

When he is at home with y'all, schedule some outdoor time (i.e. park, gym, homeschool PE at the YMCA, classes at the rec. center.) to get his wiggles out. Do a lite schedule for older sibling on those days -- or carschool.

 

There is no shame in having the youngest attend regular school. Dsylexia usually does not pose as an issue 'til 3rd grade when academics amp up. Before that, you will see signs in homework, unfinished school assignments or teacher notes/conference. The decision is up to you. He is too young to officially test for a learning disability at this point.

[HiddenJewel]

Oh, interesting. DS4 does this with the letters in his name. If you ask him how to spell it, he traces it in the air with his finger instead of saying the letters (which he doesn't know). Maybe an entry-level handwriting program would be better for him than phonics to start with? Doesn't HWOT have a letter-recognition and writing program? Hmm.

 

That's been the beauty of Spell to Write and Read for us. You get phonics and handwriting all in one package.

 

I would suggest that you concentrate on sound recognition instead of letter recognition though. It will go a long way toward reading.

Edited April 12, 2012 by HiddenJewel

[atara]

First, yes, he could have a disability. But that won't be accomodated at school at all, so remember that.

 

Second, seriously, get Leapfrog Letter Factory DVD. I am usually against using technology to teach, but between Letter Factory (not the others) and Starfall.com, my 2 year learned her letters in a few weeks! It was INSANE. I had no intention of her learning them. The combo is amazing. You can get the video off amazon for fairly cheap, and starfall.com is free for the alphabet part.

 

I agree with this answer, totally! My son, 3 1/2 is very similiar. He is not a "fill-in-the-blank" kind of kid. In fact, I took him out of his preschool because they were starting to label....and like the poster said, "that won't be accomodated at school at all.." AMEN sister!:iagree:

Can we all say together, "pshychotropic drugs?" OK - off soapbox.

:smash:

 

Anyway, he is picked up so amazingly doing starfall.com (we subscribed to the entire thing, really cheap too) and he ASKS to do higher levels like the phonics! We also do the Leap Frog DVD's and Preschool Prep DVD's are excellent. Talk about no plot (pretty boring, ha). He LOVES them and is learning so much. :D

 

I get Preschool Prep for $1.99 a DVD rental via amazon on demand. We have a TIVO and watch it there. It's good for an entire week. I rent it about twice then move to another...they have shapes and colors also.:thumbup:

[Briartell]

 

1. I've tried those things. He doesn't learn. It's to the point where I'm wondering if he needs to be evaluated for dyslexia because he just. Cannot. Remember! any of his letters besides X, O and the ones in his very short first name (and even those he mixes up a lot). You can be sitting with him and he alphabet and point to R and say, "This is R. He'll say "R," and then a moment later you point to R again and ask "What letter is this?" and he'll say "T" or "E" or "D." I asked him what he wants to learn if he stays home, and he says, "I'm just going to draw." The truth is, I don't know the first thing about teaching someone who struggles to memorize basic facts. My eldest was reading pretty fluently and doing basic math by this age, and not because I really pushed it -- he just "got" it.

 

 

I can only comment on this. What you wrote above describes my son to a T . . . he couldn't identify it either. I put my son in school two weeks after his 5th birthday. Biggest mistake ever!

 

First, I learned that my son's vision was off. He had a hard time focusing on print. When he got glasses, he did so much better with letter retention. Maybe get your son's vision checked.

 

Second, put off public school for a year or homeschool him. My son was left behind the quicker learners at school and it caused years of struggling. One on one time with you for a year will certainly be so much better.

[PrairieSong]

Wow, he's only 4. Relax. We have seven and only one learned to read that early. The others learned at 5 or 6, except one late bloomer.

 

I think the idea of doing a few 10-to-15 minute sessions with him is a good one. Your older son could do something in the same room. Handwriting practice? Art project? Silent reading? Then while you are working with your older boy, the little guy can be working near you. My little ones were always in the same room during homeschool time, unless they were napping. They loved being where the action was, and actually learned an amazing amount just by overhearing what older siblings were learning.

 

You said you were worried that your younger boy was being "ignored". But remember, you will be able to give him much more one-on-one time than a teacher with a room full of students. I vote for at least trying homeschooling. If it doesn't work out, school is still an option.

[MistyMountain]

Meet the letters worked well for my dd when she was not learning letters and forgetting letters she just learned. She also tended to remember the whole story line in videos but not the letters but she had them down with meet the letters.

[scrappyhappymama]

My oldest son was a very precocious four year old, and my second son was a very normal, wiggly four year old. They are 2 1/2 years apart, and my younger son has heard his whole life how smart and advanced his older brother is. We as his parents never tried to play this up, especially in front of him, but other people would react to things my older son would say or do and the younger brother picked up on that.

 

So, I am guessing your younger son also realizes that his older brother is different than he is and is special. I think it's only normal that he wants to be like his brother, and that would naturally include getting to stay home with mama and do the special homeschooling.

 

We've planned on homeschooling all of ours all along, but even if we hadn't, I would have been very wary of distinguishing between my two sons by homeschooling one and not the other. You wouldn't want your younger son to feel like he is less special and worthy of your attention and emphasis, just because he is not advanced like his brother. I don't think you are saying you fell this way AT ALL, just pointing out that disparities could send that message to the four year old, unintentionally.

 

I do think your concerns are valid, and they are much the same as many of us who are learning to school children of various abilities and ages, all at the same time. It's not easy, but it is certainly doable!

 

My younger son was not at all ready for formal schooling of any form at age four. I introduced some schooling to him at that age, mostly because his older brother was so very ready and anxious to learn, but for the younger brother, it was a complete flop. He knew his letters, but he was not ready to learn to read, or to sit down for more than 30 seconds at a time, or to refrain from being silly, etc. So we did a little "puzzle school" and drawing and some manipulative activities and called it good. At five, we tried to do a little more kindergarten level material, but he still wasn't truly ready. By six, he settled down a bit and we worked on some phonics and math, but the phonics program especially, the one we used with his brother, did not suit him and we ended up finding one that does work better for him.

 

Now at seven, he reads well, and is flying through his math. We are successfully using our original phonics and handwriting program, in addition to the one that has taught him to read, but completely skipping the pre-K and K level. He's reading above grade level now and is a natural at math. I imagine how things would have gone for him in pre-K or K at public school and shudder. Despite all our best efforts, he still would occasionally refer to himself as stupid, because he would compare himself to his brother. In school, if he was there, but unable and unready to participate fully for the last two years, I feel confident he would have come away feeling stupid and inadequate and unable to succeed. I am not sure he would have had the confidence to do well, even once he finally was developmentally ready. So I am very grateful that I've been able to homeschool him and meet his particular needs just as I can for my older son.

 

Incidentally, this younger son is also very much a social butterfly. But homeschooling has not hampered that a bit. We socialize frequently with other homeschoolers, he befriends folks in restaurants or stores or anywhere we go, and he feels comfortable interacting with adults and children of all ages. Again, in school, I think his social tendencies would have actually gotten him into more trouble than otherwise. At home, I am quite forgiving with his non-sequitur outbursts and singing while doing math. :)

 

So all that to say, it may not be what you had planned, but it can work out for the best for your son, if you're willing to give it a go. I don't think it's helpful to say it wouldn't be a lot of extra work and effort of your part, because it will be. But the rewards are worth it, in my opinion.

[happypamama]

My current 3 1/2 yo is the only one of mine that I could see actually thriving in a public school setting; my older two are quirky in their own ways and wouldn't fit the mold. My 3yo is an extrovert; he's funny, a born entertainer, and he'd think school was the greatest adventure in the world. But I'm still not going to send him; I want to keep him here. We live in the country as well, so most days, they have me and each other for company, and really, that's plenty for a little guy. Sometimes I don't have time to do a lot with my 3yo, between two older children and an infant, but we manage. I just want to encourage you that you can do it -- it might be overwhelming at first, but you'll find a groove!

[NanceXToo]

My son at 4 and even JUST before turning 5 had no interest in sitting and "doing school" and knew a lot but not all of his letters, wasn't ready to be taught to read, etc.

 

I didn't do K with him until this year, just before he turned 6 (which is when he would have technically been going to K anyway because of a November b-day), and it's going MUCH better this year. He's more ready now.

 

Is it possible your son has some sort of learning disability? I guess. Is it also possible he's just a four year old boy who is developmentally ready to move around and play, and not to sit and learn letters and such? Sure. Wait a year and he might pick them all up with surprising speed.

 

Do you think he'll get much one on one instruction and patient help in the classroom, anyway? Doubt it!

 

And as for the type of socialization you can expect him to get in a Kindergarten classroom, well, I don't know about YOUR district, but when MY daughter went to Kindergarten, she lost some or all of her lousy fifteen minutes of recess a day on almost a daily basis as a punishment for talking too much in the classroom. They were expected to sit still and quiet the vast majority of the day and weren't allowed to talk. They couldn't even talk at lunch- they had "silent lunches" so they could hurry up and eat, so they could hurry up and get to that very short recess (that is, if they hadn't already lost it for talking in the classroom), so they could hurry up and get back to their classrooms to do more deskwork...they had to prepare for the standardized testing that would be coming in a few short years, after all!

 

Of course, I suppose by the time she got home at the end of a very long day, at almost 4 PM, that should be time enough for a 5 year old to play and socialize with friends, after school...oh, but wait, she had homework. Even at 5. :P

[JumpyTheFrog]

Since he likes to draw and is emotionally aware, how about having him draw the letters as comic book characters with different emotions?

[Chris in VA]

:iagree: with Ellie. Listen to that wise, wise woman!:D

 

Iiwy, I'd read up a little on the typical 4yo. You are comparing him to a very atypical kiddo, your oldest, and reading something about 4s in general may ease your mind.

 

I'd lay off the reading bit for now. In 5 months, a world of growth can happen!

 

Wanted to add that we homeschooled only two of our kids--the middle one, the "social butterfly," got sent to school because he didn't want to homeschool and because I was an idiot, frankly. I can't tell you the problems that stemmed from his feeling different from everyone else in the family--we fostered that different feeling by not homeschooling him, and it came back to bite us in the ...

I would definitely homeschool your youngest if you possibly can.

 

Relax, realize you can do it, and ask more questions as the time approaches. You will foster greater familial unity. You will feel closer to your kiddo. And you will grow as a person, too.